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Join Mike Domitrz and Rick Clemons as Rick shares the importance of respect in coming out and having the choice to do so. * You are invited to join our community and conversations about each episode on FaceBook at https://www.facebook.com/MutuallyAmazingPodcast and join us on Twitter @CenterRespect or visit our website at http://www.MutuallyAmazingPodcast.com** Rick Clemons BIO: Rick is the host of the Life Uncloseted podcast and author of the book "Frankly My Dear I'm Gay." Rick's no virgin to bold moves. On whim, a prayer, and without a job to support the necessity of his dual income life, he made a crazy move, leaving his dead end hotel career in the Southwest to pursue whatever would come his and his wife's way In Sunny Southern California. 10 years later, after being married for 13 years, fathering (yes like a stallion LOL) two beautiful daughters (with the help of Mommy incubator), he made the heart wrenching, yet necessary, bold move to come out of the closet, end his marriage, and live his truth as a gay man. Comfortable in his revitalized, California hospitality operations career, Rick took a bold risk to pivot into the hospitality technology arena, barely understanding what a function key was on a frickin' computer. Never one to shy away from a challenge, Rick soon found himself at the marketing helm of innovative technology organizations building relationships with Microsoft, IBM, Hilton, Cisco Systems, Starwood Hotels, Intercontinental Hotels, and Ian Schrager Company. Ricks bold yet unexpected pivot into speaking, personal development, culture design, and podcasting came after his last position at a hospitality technology start-up went fizzle and kaput…laying him off the day he returned from vacation after 5 years of service, building their biz from the ground up. It was then that Rick took a stand, decided to live his life uncloseted, made another bold move, and said, "I'm done. Done building other people's businesses!" Rick now inspires corporations, entrepreneurs, college and university students, and individuals to make their bold moves. His keynote speeches, workshops, coaching, and podcasts touch people's souls, ignite their desires, and help them breakthrough the taboos of living by other people's damn expectations. Rick lives in Southern California with his husband, now empty nesters as both daughters have flown the bird cage. When he's not traveling the globe disrupting corporate cultures, pushing university students to buck systems for the right reasons, challenging entrepreneurs to make bolder moves, and guiding individuals to step into their sexuality, he can be found hiking, cycling, and wine consuming…not all at the same time…usually. Links Website – RickClemons.com Book – Frankly My Dear I'm Gay Podcast - Life Uncloseted Facebook - Facebook Twittter - @RickClemons Linked - Linked In Free Course - Supercharge Your Confidence Free E-Course READ THE FULL TRANSCRIPT BELOW (or download the pdf): **IMPORTANT: This podcast episode was transcribed by a 3rd party service and so errors can occur throughout the following pages: Mike Domitrz: Welcome to the respect podcast, I'm your host Mike Domitrz from mikespeaks.com, where we help organizations of all sizes, educational institutions and the US military create a culture of respect, which is exactly what we discuss on this show. So Let's get started. Mike Domitrz: This weeks guest is Rick Clemons, a close friend of mine, I wanna let you know about Rick right away, he is the author of Frankly my dear I'm gay. Host of Life uncloseted podcast, certified life coach, Tedx speaker, world record holder and a guy who's helped thousands of people in over 50 countries across the globe come out of the closets of their lives, to escape their BS, explore their fears and elevate their f-ing self expression. Mike Domitrz: Now if a few of you are listening going whoa Mike, I've seen you speak on stage around the world, you don't drop the F bomb, you don't swear, but this is Rick's bio and I honor the voice of the people we have on the show, so that's why you're gonna hear me speak that, and your gonna her people, such as Rick speak in their language, I'm not gonna censor people. Even my own work, some people will be like, hey but you call people out when they use inappropriate language, the key is inappropriate, where the context of the language is, it's not always just about the words. So that's important here, but the context of what Rick is saying is so important. So Rick lets get right into it. Thank you so much for joining me. Rick Clemons: Thanks for having me Mike, I love that you started with that, because this is of respect is respecting people's voice and truly letting people step into who they are, and I don't always drop F bombs on stage, there are moments I do, and if I do, it's because there's a point being made by either the story I'm telling or the thing I want someone to learn. And I've learned from myself, having been a guy who disrespected himself over and over again by not being who I was that sometimes you just gotta let yourself be who you are and by doing that, you teach other people how to do the same. So thank you for having this awesome platform man, and I am just so honored to be here on the show with you. Mike Domitrz: Well, I am thrilled to have you here, lets get right into that, because your life history talks a lot about one's voice, and gaining the voice back and that journey. Rick Clemons: Yeah. Mike Domitrz: Let's talk about how respect plays a role there, because I think a lot of people don't think about respect on the self journey of coming out, from whatever that coming out means. Rick Clemons: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mike Domitrz: So to give all of our listeners and viewers a little background, when people hear, Life uncloseted frankly my dear I'm gay, they're probably thinking there's gotta be a story there, there some ties there. So Rick can you share your personal story? Rick Clemons: There's no story, its just that Mike picked up, and said hey lets go do this right. Of course there's a story, and you know, I kind of already alluded to it but there was so, much of my life that I disrespected myself because I was trying to live by other peoples standards, and I'm so blessed that I did because I wouldn't be here today if I hadn't disrespected myself. Rick Clemons: I came out to my parents when I was 19 years old and they pretty much said no, you can't be that. There's was a little bit of faith based stuff going on there, and I'm glad they did because that was right at the beginning of the AIDS epidemic and I know myself, now that I can ... you know, the wise on, as you lose more hair you become wiser and wiser and wiser, and I realized that had I come out back in 1982 when I told my parents, fully come out, you and I wouldn't be having this conversation, I just know it, I know it in my heart, I know it in my soul, because I was naïve, I was immature, I hadn't had any kinds of sexual experiences so to speak at that point in time and honestly believe that I would've become a little rebel and probably have contracted the virus and wouldn't be having this conversation. Rick Clemons: So then we roll almost double that amount of time forward, I was 36- Mike Domitrz: I'd it's okay to pause there Rick? Because, I think there's a lot of powerful stuff there. One, when you came out and your parents said no, you went back in. Rick Clemons: Yes I did. Mike Domitrz: Okay. Which a lot of people don't realize happens, I think everybody thinks, oh once somebody is out, their out. Rick Clemons: No. No. Mike Domitrz: But you're well aware that's not the case. Rick Clemons: No, and that's why I do the work I do today, is because so many of my clients are older and I'm gonna kind of, you know, [crosstalk 00:04:28]. Mike Domitrz: Thanks for pointing at me by the way Rick, for anybody who can't see, Rick went older with his hands right at me. Rick Clemons: Yeah. Exactly its [inaudible 00:04:30]. Mike Domitrz: Somebody might be asking am I a client, no Rick and I are friends. Rick Clemons: No. Mike Domitrz: Not that being a client of Rick's would be anything but wonderful but yes, so continue Rick. Rick Clemons: So, its so interesting, so I say older in general, but what's so fascinating is my work started with people like myself 35 plus, all the way up, I mean my oldest client was 72 when he came out of the closet and what I found is many people go back in the closet. Now heres the interesting thing Mike, is in the last couple years, I have still had young people come to me and go, you know, I'm about to get married I think I shouldn't, you know, their stories unfold. And in two cases, they actually went back in the closet, and I was fully supportive in their decision, because my role as a coach is not to say go do this. My role is to help you become comfortable and respectful in your own right of who you are, and so its been really and interesting [inaudible 00:05:27]. Rick Clemons: When my book came out, what I was shocked the most by, is the younger people who came to me, I'm talking in their 20s, okay, so that's what I mean when I'm young, I'm like almost 55 myself here. Young people who came to me and said, "I'm so glad you wrote this book, because I'm way behind the [inaudible 00:05:49].", 22 and your behind the [inaudible 00:05:49], but you have to put it in perspective of where we are today. Kids are coming out at eight, nine, 10 and its amazing to hear those stories. Rick Clemons: That respecting of yourself and realizing, I might have to respect myself and go back in the closet, is so that you can, as I love to say percolate and let the yeast rise in your life and finally go okay either, this is where I supposed to be, which is a path, or wow, I'm gonna do this and it's gonna happen much later in life. Mike Domitrz: Very powerful. So, Rick right there you talked about the fact that people choose to go back in and you support this because this is their journey, you said hey, I'm glad I went back in when I did, because I think I would've been, by what you were saying, I don't wanna change your words, but exploratory in that rebellion stage and therefore not as safe in decision making. Is that considered controversial? Rick Clemons: Of course, it is, because people then can come back at you and say, well then you knew what you were doing, you were consciously doing this even though you know. And I would argue that yes, in some cases that is true, in my case that was 50 percent true, but I was still trying to figure out, am I really gay? Or is this just something part of my sexual awakening? Am I trying to figure it out? Rick Clemons: Other people they will actually go back in and they push that way, way, way, way down, and there is no acting and there is no going forward and exploring it, its like nope, this is where I'm supposed to be, and then something happens, and that comes rushing back forward. And that's only two examples, there's lots of different ways that people will go do this. Rick Clemons: And its not just in sexuality, I have kids that I talk to in university that literally have shown up- you'll love this Mike, because I know you do this too, I was in a classroom one day, just in the moment, I had this brilliant question of, okay I'd like everybody to close your eyes, and nobody peek and I'm gonna ask you a question, how many of you in this classroom are here at college pursuing a major or a path that is because someone else told you what you were supposed to do. Rick Clemons: 50 percent of the room raised their hands, because they were in college pursuing a major or a direction because mom and dad, someone else said this is what you're meant to do. That was so impactful and so powerful, because it drove home the same story that I had just told them bout myself going back in the closet. Mike Domitrz: Yeah, absolutely. Are there people that would say, Rick since you're out, how can you be telling others to go back in. Rick Clemons: Because its their life. Mike Domitrz: I'm not saying that, that's what I'm preaching, but I could see that push back. Rick Clemons: No, no, no, no, I know. And it happens all the time. That's where I say, my job as a coach is not to say this is what you should do, my job as a coach is to help people find a path to their truest essence themselves, and if that's what's their truest essence, then they need to go do that. Rick Clemons: I have a client who I just finished working with who did exactly that, he went on an exploratory path for about three months, his wife totally knowing what he was doing and he came back and said, I believe my path is not this path, and I said then you need to follow your values, your belief, your heart and you need to live life your way. Rick Clemons: Which is always what I say, I want my clients to live life their way, I want the audiences that I have the privilege to speak in front of, that is my message, you know this Mike, its about make the bold move, life your life uncloseted, live life your way. And if that's what we gave each other a human beings man, I don't know, I think the planet would be so much different. Mike Domitrz: Absolutely, to really honor each person's choices is the key to what we're discussing. For anyone listening, some of the things we're discussing, the aspects of it are not choice, they're born, how do I live with innately who I am? Rick Clemons: How do you give your yourself permission? There's the choice, how do you give yourself permission to accept this is innately who I am, this is how I'm supposed to show up in the world. That's the choice, when we know who we are. I have so many entrepreneurs that I've worked with that they knew, they knew for so many years they were not supposed to be sitting in a corporate cubicle, they weren't supposed to be following those kind of rules, that they were supposed to be doing their thing, they knew it innately, as much as I know innately I am a gay man. But they have to give themselves permission to say, I'm going to go stand in my truth. Mike Domitrz: All right, so lets go to- because we jumped in early on your story, you didn't get to finish that, and so to honor and respect his voice lets go ahead. You were jumping the bean in your 30s, so that was like 19, now your in your 30s. Rick Clemons: 30s, I'd been married for 13 years and- Mike Domitrz: And married, as in a heterosexual relationship? Rick Clemons: ... in a heterosexual relationship, with a wife, I had two daughters, very young daughter. Four and a half, and nine months old, and there was a moment, there was a moment that I realized this can no longer be the way I live, I could no longer live a dual life, I could no longer pretend that this was the way life was supposed to be. And I made the conscious decision to say, i gotta do this. And that's when I came out of the closet, and it was a very specific reason that I came out of the closet. Rick Clemons: Some people say, oh you met a guy. Yes I did, but this guy made everything completely different for me because I was used to hooking up, that was my outlet to okay, I know this is what I am, but I'll go hook up and then I'll pretend like nothing happened. Not proud of that, I will never say, oh yeah that's the way to do this, it is a way, but its not the way. Rick Clemons: And when I met this guy- Mike Domitrz: So for listeners, you're…
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