Love and Life with Dr. Karin and Pastor Elliott

Latest Episodes:

“No Pressure” Besties: My BFF and I Share How it’s Done! Ep. 153 Aug 19, 2021

Show notes

“We’ll be besties forever!” “No matter what happens, we’ll stay close.” “You’re my BFF and nothing will change that!” We said it. We meant it. But life happens, and it gets in the way of even the closest friendship. And sometimes it hurts—a lot. But we CAN remain close—as we talked about in last week’s episode—by examining our expectations. My BFF, Miriam Conner, joins me to share her philosophy on friendship—the “No Pressure” friendship. Specifically, we delve into: How to maintain strong friendships while also adjusting our expectations as our priorities shift. What developmental psych research on preschoolers and empathy can teach us about adult friendships! Three options for how to respond when a friend disappoints us. Personal stories of when we both found ourselves needing to cut friends out of our lives. How to handle it when a friend cancels plans at the last minute. What to do when a friend changes dramatically. How to politely disengage from a friend who has unreasonable expectations. The parallels between dating/marriage and lifelong friendships. Why some women LOVE drama in their friendships. Join us to learn how to cultivate “no pressure friendships” with your besties!

Dr. Karin

Single is the New Black - Audiobook

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Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Instagram: @dr.karin

3 Hacks to Improve Every Relationship in Your Life! Ep. 152 Aug 11, 2021

Show notes

When asked what we treasure most, people readily respond with one word—relationships. Our friends, family, and romantic partners enrich our lives in myriad ways, providing encouragement, support, affection, and joy.

Except when they don’t.

When our relationships are in crisis, our life is in crisis and when they’re thriving, we thrive. As Tony Robbins puts it, “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships.”

So, why is it such a struggle to maintain healthy and fulfilling intimacy in our lives?

Great question! And, today’s episode provides answers! Join me to learn three research-based hacks to improve EVERY relationship in your life—your connection to friends, family, and significant others!

Citations:

Hawkley, L.C., Thisted, R.A., Masi, C.M., & Cacioppo, J.T. (2010). Loneliness predicts increased blood pressure: 5-year cross-lagged analyses in middle-aged and older adults. Psychology and Aging, 25(1), 132-141.

Holt-Lunstad, J., Smith, T., & Layton, B. (2010). Social relationships and mortality risk: A meta-analytic review. J.PLoS Med 7 (7).

Kroenke, C., Quesenberry, C., Kwan, M., Sweeney, C., Castillo, A., & Caan, B. (2013). Social networks, social support, and burden in relationships, and mortality after breast cancer diagnosis in the Life After Breast Cancer Epidemiology (LACE) Study. Breast Cancer Research and Treatment, 137(1), 261-271.

Luhmann, M., Hofmann, M., Eid, W., & Lucas, R. (2012). Subjective well-being and adaptation to life events: A meta-analysis. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology, 102(3), 592-615.

Dr. Karin

Single is the New Black - Audiobook

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Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Instagram: @dr.karin

The Science of Flirting, Dating Fatigue, Vulnerability, and Other Dilemmas! Ep. 151 Aug 04, 2021

Show notes

It’s time for another Love & Life Q&A episode! We have three questions to tackle today.

1. One listener wants to know how to ask a guy out. She lives in Ireland and finds Irish men are often hesitant to take the lead. Can she ask him out while still dating empowered?

2. A second listener struggles to find the motivation to date after a year of lockdowns and Covid malaise. But she’s in her late 30s and worries about her biological clock. Why is it such a struggle? What can she do to motivate herself?

3. A third listener wonders how to let guys know she’s interested—she’s been told she’s too closed off and appears aloof in the early stages of dating. So in her last relationship, she tried to be open, honest, and vulnerable, but she got ghosted anyway! She now regrets it because looking back she felt much “schmoopier” with this guy—which wasn’t comfortable for her. How can she express interest while still dating empowered?

Join us for a deep dive into these common—and frustrating—dating dilemmas!

Citations:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/science/hottopics/love/flirting.shtml

https://maclynninternational.us/blog/the-science-of-flirting/

Dr. Karin

Single is the New Black - Audiobook

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Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Instagram: @dr.karin

What Men (and Women!) Want in a Partner—Science Tells All! Ep. 150 Jul 28, 2021

Show notes

Sometimes, if we’ve been single for a while—or longer than a while—we begin to doubt ourselves. We wonder why love seems so hard to find. Are we doing something wrong? Is there a particular quality we’re missing? What are men looking for anyway? Well, here’s the good news. You have exactly what your person is looking for! I promise. And, it’s not just my opinion, it’s what science says! Psychologist David Buss studied men and women in 37 different cultures/countries and found that both sexes desire the same four qualities in their spouses. Join me for an empowering and confidence boosting episode—you have everything you need to attract your person to you!

References:

Buss, D. (1989). Sex differences in human mate preferences: Evolutionary hypotheses tested in 37 cultures. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 12, 1-14.

Welch, D. (2015). Love factually: 10 proven steps from I wish to I do. Love Science Media.

Sponsor:

Therappy App

Download the app here: https://therappy.onelink.me/mNmu/92326bf9

Dr. Karin

Single is the New Black - Audiobook

Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible

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--------------------------------------------------------

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Instagram: @dr.karin

Are Your Beliefs Blocking Your Path to Love? With Melanie Hersch Ep. 149 Jul 21, 2021

Show notes

On Love & Life we talk about beliefs all the time—because they’re incredibly powerful and they impact every area of our lives—especially our love life. What we believe about ourselves and what we believe we have to offer a partner sets the tone we bring to our dating efforts and experiences. And sometimes, we hold beliefs that assert influence over us, but we don’t even know we hold these beliefs! On today’s episode, psychotherapist turned dating coach, Melanie Hersch, and I explore how we can harness our beliefs and level up our mindset for empowered dating!

Join us to learn how to:

reprogram limiting beliefs about our self-worth.
identify the stories we tell ourselves—which may, in fact, be lies!
be vulnerable without providing too much information too soon!
recognize when we’re triggered so as not to blame and shame our partner.
establish boundaries early on when dating—boundaries which establish precedents for how you desire to be treated throughout the relationship.

Incorporating her psychotherapist background into her coaching philosophy, Melanie brings clarity and expertise to our podcast conversation and her approach to dating and relationships!

Sponsor:

Therappy App

Download the app here: https://therappy.onelink.me/mNmu/92326bf9

Melanie Hersch

Website: https://therefinedwoman.com/

Instagram: @therefinedwoman

Dr. Karin

Single is the New Black - Audiobook

Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible

iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

--------------------------------------------------------

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Instagram: @dr.karin

Sexless in the City with Kat Harris Ep. 148 Jul 07, 2021

Show notes

Sexless in the city? Isn’t that a contradiction in terms? In our hyper-sexualized culture, it appears everyone is hooking up without concern—giving no thought whatsoever to the impact casual encounters have on our soul and psyche. But this perception may not be the reality—it certainly isn’t for blogger and author Kat Harris. Kat has thought deeply about sex—its place in her life as a Christian, single woman and its role in society in general. Kat talks about her new book, Sexless in the City: A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex. Specifically, we delve into:

The vastly different expectations we have of men and women when it comes to managing our sex drive.
The trending and controversial topic of “modest is hottest.”
How casual sex “flattens” our humanity.
The “friend zone” and what we sometimes do to get ourselves stuck there.
Daddy issues and attraction to unavailable men.

Join us for—as the book’s title promises—a sometimes sassy, sometimes painful, and always honest look at dating, desire, and sex.

Sponsor:

Millionaire Match

Download the free app here: https://app.appsflyer.com/id1484587490?pid=af3236943

Kat Harris

Website: https://therefinedwoman.com/

Instagram: @therefinedwoman

Dr. Karin

Single is the New Black - Audiobook

Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible

iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

--------------------------------------------------------

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Instagram: @dr.karin

Empowered Dating Mindset: The Instagram Reels! Ep. 147 Jul 02, 2021

Show notes

I’ve rolled out a few reels over the last couple months talking about cultivating an empowered mindset for empowered dating! But unfortunately, for some of you watching overseas, the audio won’t play when music is placed behind the vocal track (perhaps it’s a licensing issue in some countries?) When I learned some of you weren’t able to hear the audio, I figured the best way to work around this problem would be to share the reels via a podcast episode. So, here it is! Let me know your favorite reels and if you have any topics you’d like me to address—via reels or in a Love Smarter, Not Harder IGTV—please head over to my website to let me know how I can be of help!

Sponsor:

Millionaire Match

Download the free app here: https://app.appsflyer.com/id1484587490?pid=af3236943

Single is the New Black - Audiobook

Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible

iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Dr. Karin

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Instagram: @dr.karin

On a Mission to Reunite Orphans with Their Parents: The Haiti Mama Story with Tausha Pearson Ep. 146 Jun 24, 2021

Show notes

Tausha Pearson would tell you, “It all started with a ‘crazy’ single mom tax return…” “Crazy” meaning—she had a chunk of money she didn’t need. So, she took that tax return and spent it on a trip to Haiti. While touring Haitian orphanages with 11 social work interns, Tausha learned 80% of the orphans had families who desperately wanted them home but couldn’t afford to feed and educate them. In addition to this sad reality, she discovered rampant sexual abuse occurring in every orphanage they visited. Tausha couldn’t unsee this devastation; she took action by creating Haiti Mama—an organization devoted to providing parents with services and employment to help families remain intact. Tausha is a disrupter—she disrupted ineffective (and abusive!) child welfare practices and implemented support to reunite Haitian families! Join us to hear Tausha’s inspiring story and learn how you can be a part of the Haiti Mama mission!

Tausha Pearson

Website: http://www.haitimama.org/

Dr. Karin

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Instagram: @dr.karin

Single is the New Black - Audiobook

Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible

iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Quit Worrying About Being Alone Forever—ch. 11 of Single is the New Black Ep. 145 Jun 17, 2021

Show notes

Have you heard? You can now listen to my book, Single is the New Black: Don’t Wear White ‘til it’s Right! It’s available on Audible and iTunes! To celebrate the release of the audio version, I wanted to provide a chapter as a podcast episode so you could get a feel for the book and what it’s all about. It’s essentially the book I wish had been available to me when I was still single and, as a matter of fact, I started writing it when I was still single. I was so tired of reading self-help books that made me feel worse about myself—books that tried to convince me I was doing something horribly wrong or I that I was fundamentally flawed and that’s why I was still single. So, like I said, I wrote the book I couldn’t find but wanted to read! (I go into more depth and share the backstory of why I wrote the book in ep. 90 so if that interests you, please check out that episode.)

I wasn’t sure which chapter to share and I considered chapter 3 because when I was single, people often told me I was too picky and my standards were too high. But then I thought, why don’t I ask YOU which chapter you’d like to hear? So, I posted a poll in my stories and I’m glad I did because the chapter that received the most votes was chapter 11—Quit Worrying About Being Alone Forever: Fear is a Powerful thing.

Everyone who’s been single longer than they’d hoped to be has encountered this fear. And many of us have made some soul crushing decisions because of it. I hope the chapter encourages you and provides you with some strategies for tackling loneliness and the fear that so often accompanies it.

You asked for it, you got it! Chapter 11: Quit Worrying About Being Alone Forever: Fear is a Powerful thing.

Single is the New Black - Audiobook

Audible: smarturl.it/SITNB-Audible

iTunes: smarturl.it/SITNB-iTunes

Dr. Karin

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Instagram: @dr.karin

Why Are SO Many Men SO Passive in Relationships? with Elliott Anderson, M.A. Ep. 144 Jun 09, 2021

Show notes

If you’ve dated a passive man or TRIED to date a passive man—because he never got around to asking you out—this episode is for you! As empowered women, we’ve been raised to take charge and take action, but does that work for us when dating? Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson is back to share his thoughts on male passivity—what it’s about and how to handle it!

Elliott and I discuss:

Why women who’ve experienced mother wounds may be more likely to be attracted to passive men.
The definition of interdependence and how it’s VERY different from codependence.
Why most women would rather know their man’s heart and disagree with his thoughts than not know him and feel alienated from him.
What Elliott has learned after working with hundreds of men. Spoiler alert: NONE of these passive men have been okay with their passivity. They’ve always loathed that part of their personality.
Why letting a man choose you helps us stop choosing passive men.
How to be a cheerleader for your man without running things and taking a leadership role.
Why we need to reexamine our assumptions about anxious attachment style.
The reality that a woman can’t make a man assertive.

There’s hope for passive men and the women who love them. Join us for a deep dive into this intense and complex concern.

Dr. Karin

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Instagram: @dr.karin

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