Love and Life with Dr. Karin and Pastor Elliott

Latest Episodes:

Best of Love & Life: Help! I Keep Dating Men with Avoidant Attachment Style! with Elliott Anderson, M.A. Ep. 255 Jul 20, 2023

Show notes

Psychotherapist Elliott Anderson is back to continue our series on Attachment Styles. This week we unpack Avoidant Attachment and consider the question, “Is it actually possible to have a relationship with someone with an avoidant attachment style?”

Specifically, we address:

Why avoidant men may initially appear very excited about the relationship and interested in commitment, but then later, they pull away.
The internal struggle of Avoidant Attachment.
The Pursuer-Distancer cycle—if you’ve dated someone with an Avoidant Attachment style, you’ve likely experienced this, especially if you have an Anxious Attachment style.
When he marries you, but is still avoidant!
Why it’s imperative to maintain your self-respect—and how to do so!
Ways to bring up concerns about emotional intimacy with an avoidant partner.
How to figure out if his Avoidant Attachment is something you can work with or if he’s completely emotionally unavailable.
How to determine if you’re experiencing Avoidant Attachment yourself or, if you’re simply with the wrong person.
Cultivating intimacy with someone with Avoidant Attachment—it is possible!

If you’ve dated someone with an Avoidant Attachment style, you know how confusing it can be. Join us to gain clarity around attachment and acquire specific strategies to help build a healthy connection!

Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook

Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

Best of Love & Life: Anxious Attachment on Dating and Relationships with Elliott Anderson, M.A. Ep. 254 Jul 13, 2023

Show notes

Join us today as we revisit Love & Life's most popular episode to date: Anxious Attachment on Dating and Relationships with Elliott Anderson, M.A. Ep. 165

I hear this question from women in my community all the time—“I have an anxious attachment style. Will I ever be able to be in a secure relationship?”

To address this concern, psychotherapist Elliott Anderson and I take a deep dive into anxious attachment and how it impacts dating and relationships.

Specifically, we discuss:

Anxious attachment and our desire for intimacy.
Trauma bonds and anxious attachment.
When feeling anxiety in a relationship is a GOOD thing!
How the hookup culture has impacted attachment.
Masculine and feminine energy as they relate to attachment.

Elliott shares insights from his 30 years of working with clients and couples. Join us to gain a greater understanding of anxious attachment and how it may influence your dating patterns and relationship dynamics.

Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook

Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

Spiritual Wounds: What They Are and How to Heal Ep. 253 Jul 06, 2023

Show notes

We recently received a question from a listener in our community: “What is spiritual abuse in and outside of a Christian context and how do individuals heal from it?” The timing was perfect as Elliott and I had planned on continuing our woundedness series with an episode devoted to the spiritual wound. Elliott and I discuss 3 types of spiritual abuse: Complete absence of spiritual opportunity. Involvement in faith-based communities that operate out of shame, fear, and abuse. Spiritual authorities (parents, teachers, pastors, spouses, and others) who use their position as a tool to foster spiritual abuse. We end the episode with some practical steps and ways to move forward from abuse into healing! Citation: https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2019/01/31/are-religious-people-happier-healthier-our-new-global-study-explores-this-question/ Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/ Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

Narcissistic Wound: Are You in Relationship with a Narcissist? Part I Ep. 252 Jun 29, 2023

Show notes

Have you ever dated a narcissist? Have you been in a relationship with someone so cold and cruel, you’re pretty sure he/she could be diagnosed as having Narcissistic Personality Disorder? Then again, maybe he was just a bad guy!

Either way, this episode is for you!

Elliott and I discuss the following:

The prevalence of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
The DSM criteria for NPD.
Narcissism as a result of trauma.
Attachment Style and NPD.
Borderline Personality Disorder vs. Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Why you’re so attracted to narcissists.
How to STOP being attracted to narcissists!

Join us to delve into the points above—and more!—on the narcissistic wound.

Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook

Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

“Nice Guy, But . . . Syndrome” with Dr. Duana Welch, Part 2 Ep. 251 Jun 15, 2023

Show notes

We’re back for part 2 of our conversation with Dr. Duana Welch to tackle the frustrating reality so many women experience—they want to fall for a good guy, but struggle to feel the sparks and attraction.

Dr. Welch calls this the “Nice Guy, but Syndrome” because she hears this all too often, “He’s a nice guy, but . . .”

In part 2 we cover the following:

Do you really have an Anxious Attachment style or do you need to alter some fundamental dating strategies?
Why we’re attracted to bad boys and what we can do about it!
How fear causes us to give too much too soon—which exacerbates our anxiety and reduces his capacity to be drawn to us.
Tangible steps to take to build attraction to the nice guy!
How Dr. Welch met her “nice guy” husband online in a few short months.

If you’re suffering from “Nice Guy, But . . . Syndrome,” help is here! Join us to learn how to fall for the stayers, and sidestep the players!

Dr. Duana Welch

Website: http://lovesciencemedia.com

Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook

Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

Why Can’t I Fall for the Nice Guy? with Dr. Duana Welch, Part 1 Ep. 250 Jun 08, 2023

Show notes

Are you attracted to bad boys? Do you try to fall for the nice guys but end up feeling . . . meh?

If so, this episode is for you!

Love & Life fan favorite, Dr. Duana Welch, is back to share the science based reasons you can’t get enough of emotionally unavailable men, yet you struggle to be attracted to men you know would be good for you.

Dr. Welch shares:

Why women are so often drawn to bad boys.
The personality trait a partner CANNOT have if you want a healthy relationship.
How your attachment style impacts your ability to attract—and be attracted to—stable, secure partners.
How to avoid The Dark Triad i.e. traits of abusive partners which are incredibly resistant to change.
The biggest predictor as to whether or not a man will cheat on you.
Why the notion of “Mating Centrism” is crucial to comprehend and why your search for love will be incredibly difficult until you understand this!

Join us for a lively conversation grounded in Dr. Welch’s command of the psych research and Elliott’s extensive experience working with couples!

Dr. Duana Welch

Website: http://lovesciencemedia.com

Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook

Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

Money & Love with Veronica Grant Ep. 249 Jun 01, 2023

Show notes

Money and relationships intersect on myriad levels. Our behavior around finances reflects our beliefs, values, and priorities—and, the same could be said about our behavior around relationships!

Certified Financial Consultant Veronica Grant joins Elliott and me to discuss dating, relationships, and money.

As Veronica puts it, “We don’t want to bring bank statements to a first date, but it’s important to gather information about financial choices and habits early on to be sure your values align in this all important domain.

Moreover, according to research in the journal, Family Relations, couples’ arguments regarding finances are most predictive of divorce, so it’s critical we learn about each other’s spending patterns before we walk down the aisle!

Specifically, Veronica, Elliott, and I delve into:

Non-invasive questions to ask—even on a first date!—that will give you a sense of your date’s financial choices and habits.
What to do if you realize you’re not aligned on money matters.
Money and power dynamics in relationships.

All too often, we fail to acknowledge the profound impact of money on love and love on money. Join us to learn more!

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/258879033_Examining_the_Relationship_Between_Financial_Issues_and_Divorce

Veronica Grant

Website: https://www.veronicagrant.com/

Instagram: @veronicaegrant

Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook

Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

Power in Dating & Marriage: What to Do When Your Partner Has Too Much and You Don’t Have Enough! Ep. 248 May 25, 2023

Show notes

Power dynamics are an inherent element of all relationships. According to the “Law of Least Interest,” the person who is least interested in maintaining the relationship holds the majority of the power.

Naturally, this principle impacts dating and marriage.

How can we ensure our power balance remains equitable?
What do we do when we realize we lack power in our partnership?

This week we answer these questions and more!

Elliott provides tangible steps for ensuring power equity in your relationship—techniques which have helped hundreds of couples move through power plays to reestablish balance and harmony.

Join us for a deep dive into this critical concern—especially if you’ve recognized your partner has all the power!

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_least_interest#:~:text=The%20Principle%20of%20Least%20Interest,the%20balance%20of%20power%20tilts.

Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook

Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

Help! My BF Has ADHD—How Do I Support Him? Ep. 247 May 18, 2023

Show notes

In today’s world of screens and scrolling, many of us find ourselves struggling to concentrate and focus. In recent years, more and more Americans have received diagnoses of ADHD. Such diagnoses may often present unique challenges to dating and relating.

Help is here! Elliott has been energetic since birth—our mom even claims he was more active in the womb!😊 Over the years, teachers suggested he might need medication, but because our dad was adamantly anti pharma, Elliott learned other ways to cope with—and even embrace!—his hyperactivity.

We begin with some thoughts on the DSM’s (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders) changing definitions of Attention Deficit Disorder and how the exponential increase of ADHD diagnoses impacts individuals and our society.

Specifically, we consider:

Has the condition truly changed or has our conception and expectations of childhood behavior evolved?
When people internalize an identity of ADHD, what does this do to their sense of self i.e. their self-concept and beliefs around their capabilities?

We then answer a listener’s question about how to best support her new boyfriend who has ADHD. Join us to hear both personal and professional commentary on ADHD!

Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook

Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson

Infidelity Wound: How to Heal with Jill & Mark Savage Ep. 246 Apr 27, 2023

Show notes

According to the Institute of Family Studies, 20% of married men and 13% of married women have admitted to cheating on their spouse. For many couples, infidelity destroys their marriage—40% of adults who have committed adultery are now divorced compared to 17% of spouses who have never cheated.

But affairs don’t always end marriages and in today’s episode, Jill and Mark Savage share how they navigated the valley of infidelity and emerged with a deeper intimacy and connection. As Mark puts it, “We now have the marriage we’d always dreamed of.”

Jill and Mark speak specifically to these themes and questions:

How we often misuse our strengths in marriage.
The trap of “parenting” your spouse.
The delicate balance of control—when one spouse dominates and the other allows it.
Can strong, independent women enjoy traditional marriage roles?
Owning our part in marital dysfunction.
How those with Avoidant Attachment and Anxious Attachment can forge strong relationships.
How to “recover” from your attachment style.
How we often unwittingly behave in ways that cause our worst relationship fears to come true!

Jill and Mark share their story hoping to encourage and inspire other couples. Healing from infidelity IS possible!

https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america

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Jill & Mark Savage

Website: https://jillsavage.org/

Dr. Karin & Pastor Elliott Anderson

Website: http://loveandlifemedia.com/

Empowered Dating Playbook: smarturl.it/EmpoweredDatingBook

Instagram: @dr.karin | @pastorelliottanderson