Leadership Today - Practical Tips For Leaders

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Episode 109 - The Single Best Question to Build Community Mar 12, 2021

Show notes

Summary

Community really matters, but can be hard to build when we're in a hurry. In this episode we discuss the single best question to build community (at least the best I've come across!).

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode 109 of the Leadership Today podcast where each week we bring research to life in your leadership. This week we discuss the single best question to build community.

I've spoken before about five things research indicates are difficult to build when we're not all in the same place at the same time. They are:

Community
Collaboration
Culture
Climate
Capability

Today we're focusing on the first one - community. Building community in our teams and organisations is extremely important, both from an employee experience perspective, but also for performance. This is true whether you are currently working remotely, are back in the office or, more likely, some mix of the two.

The catch now is that we are often needing to build community and connection at speed. Research shows us that the shift to online meetings has resulted in more meetings with more participants per meeting, but shorter meeting times. You're also far less likely to have all of your team in the same place at the same time, so the opportunities to build connections are fewer and further in between. We therefore need to be intentional about building community. We can no longer leave such a central part of workplace culture to chance now that the proverbial water-cooler discussions have all but disappeared.

Community is about what we have in common - that's where the word comes from. It's about shared characteristics, beliefs and interests. We build community when people share things about themselves with each other. As leaders, we want to give people a chance to learn what they have in common. This can be challenging though. We want people to be personal, but also to feel safe. We don't want people to feel as if they're being forced to share too much at work. But it also needs to be inclusive. If you ask people to talk about their children or a favourite pet, what happens for the people who have neither?

I was working with a team recently, and one of the members shared about how hard it was in that team if you weren't into sport, as most of the non-work conversations would revolve around football. What was a well intentioned effort to build community by talking about something non-work related left several team members feeling out of place.

As a result, I'm sure you have come across some great 'get to know you' questions. Here are a few that I think are quite good:

What career did you want to have when you were a child?
What's one thing about you that surprises people?
What's something you want to become an expert in?
What qualities do you value in friends?

As I said, these are all quite good questions, but you can only ask them once. If you keep asking about dream jobs as a child people will check out of the conversation, or think that you're not listening to them in the first place.

Recently I came across what I think is the single best question to build community. As is often the case, it's not my idea - a participant shared it during a workshop about building trust in a remote context.

In every team meeting they would ask each person to provide a five star recommendation. What is one thing that they would recommend to others? Now, importantly, the recommendation can be for anything. It can be a recipe, a car, an event, a restaurant, some music, a book, a holiday destination, a product - the options are almost endless. The question works so well because it's 100% inclusive, and it's what I would call evergreen - you can ask it every week and people can come up with something new to recommend. Plus, it's interesting to hear people answer the question. After all, who doesn't love a new five star recommendation?

So - remember the question - What is your five star recommendation? I would love to hear how you go using it in an upcoming meeting - I'm planning to use it on Monday.

Speaking of five star recommendations, if you're enjoying the podcast, how about providing a rating and review? It really does make a difference in helping people to find the podcast.

If this episode interested you, then our upcoming webinar on (Re)Building Trust will also be worth joining. Go to the Leadership.Today website to sign up, or you can watch a recording after 19th March via Leadership Today On-Demand. There are links in the show notes. Have a great week.

Episode 108 - Three Keys to Dealing with Defensiveness Mar 05, 2021

Show notes

Summary

This week we explore three keys to dealing with defensiveness.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode 108 of the Leadership Today podcast where each week we bring research to life in your leadership. This week we explore three keys to dealing with defensiveness.

I am sure, like me, that you have needed to work with a defensive person before. Perhaps they just don't want to hear some feedback that is being provided. Or they quickly blame others when something goes wrong. Maybe they are resistant to new initiatives and changes. All of this defensiveness can make a leader either escalate things or just try to ignore the person.

The most important thing to appreciate is that defensiveness is functional. It serves a purpose. When we have done something wrong, defensiveness is an effort to minimise the perceived harm to ourselves and others. How does that work? Well, let's say you come to me with a problem that I have caused. I might defensively respond that it is no big deal. That's because I genuinely hope that it is no big deal. I'm even trying to convince myself that it's no big deal. So I argue back, resist accepting feedback, misrepresent what happened, or even misremember what happened. That's right - we can be so defensive that we actually change our memories of the event to protect ourselves. While those responses may protect me in the short term, it doesn't change that what I have done may indeed be a big deal.

Research demonstrates that defensiveness has a broad range of negative impacts. Team unity and collaboration suffer. The defensive individual's connection with the workplace suffers. A key part of psychological safety is feeling you belong. The defensive individual reduces that sense of belonging through their actions. In addition, when faced with someone who has done something wrong, we tend to push them to one side and to exclude them. This makes the person even more defensive and takes us even further away from a resolution and progress.

Researchers Wenzel, Woodyatt and McLean found that defensiveness is strengthened by negative social responses. Our natural reactions to the defensive person makes the situation even worse. We enter a cycle of increased defensiveness. But thankfully their research also indicates three keys for dealing with defensiveness:

Help people to belong. As people feel more respected, valued and secure in the group, their defensiveness tends to fall away. After all, you don't need to be defensive if you know that you will still be accepted and supported even if you make a mistake. You can value the person even if you disagree with their opinions or actions.
Normalise apologies. Saying 'sorry' is not a sign of weakness, rather it shows a strength of character to admit when you're wrong and apologise for the impact on others.
Talk about values. Wenzel and colleagues found that having people share their values reduced defensiveness. If I value honesty and openness, reminding myself of those values will make me less defensive.

Try these three approaches out this week to reduce the level of defensiveness amongst those in your team. As always, details of the research referenced in this podcast is in the show notes, and a big thanks to Lauren Staveley who did the research on this one.

Now for a quick moment of celebration. The Leadership Today Podcast has just passed through 100,000 downloads. When I kicked this podcast off in July 2018 I had no idea the global reach and impact it would have on so many people. And so, can I ask you to do me a favour? This week, please tell three colleagues or friends about the podcast and help them to track it down. And, for bonus points, take a minute to provide a rating and review wherever you download this podcast. That all helps to spread the word. Have a great week.

Reference

Michael Wenzel, Lydia Woodyatt, Ben McLean. The effects of moral/social identity threats and affirmations on psychological defensiveness following wrongdoing. British Journal of Social Psychology, 2020; 59 (4): 1062 DOI: 10.1111/bjso.12378

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Radical Reflection Challenge - Day Five - Reflection Feb 25, 2021

Show notes

It is day five of the radical reflection challenge - well done! Today we are reflecting on reflection. I know that sounds like we are just about to disappear into ourselves, but hear me out. Hopefully this week has shown you just how powerful reflection can be when we make it a regular practice. And while we would all agree that reflection is important, it is rarely urgent. As a result reflection will always be pushed down to the bottom of our priority list unless we prioritise and schedule it. My challenge for you today is to identify how you will continue reflection beyond the challenge.

We started the week thinking about our values. Without reflection it's easy for our lives to drift away from those things which matter to us most. On day two we considered what success means to each of us. It's all too easy to take on someone else's definition of success and find ourselves chasing that down. But by reflecting on what success means to us, we can set goals for the various seasons of our life that will help us to feel a sense of fulfilment and purpose. On day three we explored learning and growth. We often overlook just how much we have learned, so can feel stuck. I believe growth needs to be intentional, so pushing ourselves into new areas is important. And yesterday we focused on gratitude. Hopefully you have had a chance to try out some of the gratitude techniques we discussed.

One simple thing you can do to continue reflection is to schedule a time in your calendar to complete this challenge again in 3 or 6 months from now. That is a clear goal you could easily set and achieve.

I also think that building reflection as a habit is really important. This is going to be far more effective than bursts of reflection a few times per year.

So today I am asking you to reflect over various time horizons. Often we end up focusing on too short a time horizon, usually measured in weeks and months rather than years and decades. A quote attribute to Bill Gates sums it up well - "Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years."

I think it's important to identify your focus for the decade. What is the season you are in? Where do you hope to be in 10 years? Make it a clear picture. What will it look and feel like? Now you can always revisit that - I'm not asking you to set it in stone - in fact you should revisit it. That's the same for every other level of reflection. So we start by thinking abut a decade, and then work back from there.

Focus for the year. What is the theme for this year? What are a few key words to sum up this theme?
Focus for the quarter. What is the one thing that will make the biggest difference this quarter? What is a key theme for the quarter?
Focus for the month.
Focus for the week.
Focus for the day. What can I do today to make progress?

I think we can keep this really practical. For example, at the end of the week you can take 15 minutes to look back at what you have achieved over the week, and set your focus for the following week. That's a simple routine you can schedule into your calendar so it becomes a habit.

To round out this week of radical reflection, I'm asking you to reflect across these various time frames. When you first do this it will take some time. But when you have done it once, it is then about week to week maintenance. Schedule time for regular reflection to return to those areas of focus.

I hope you found this week's challenge helpful. I encourage you to check out all of the other resources we have at Leadership Today On-Demand. The link is in the show notes, or just go to leadership.today to learn more. There's something new every week to help you to become an even better leader. We will be back to our regular podcast episodes from next week.

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Radical Reflection Challenge - Day Four - Gratitude Feb 24, 2021

Show notes

Welcome to day four of the radical reflection challenge. The week is flying by. I hope you have found the three topics to date helpful. As a reminder, we started with values, then moved onto success, and yesterday we looked at learning and growth.

I believe today's focus on gratitude can have a fundamental impact on your optimism and well-being. Gratitude is both a trait and an emotion or state. It's an outlook we bring to life, and it's also something we experience at a point in time.

We can practice gratitude - that is, we can actually take time out of our day to be grateful. Researchers have shown a regular practice of gratitude improves sleep, physical health, relationships with others, mental health and life satisfaction. It also reduces the risk of burnout. So, if I had a pill to sell you that did all of that I would be a billionaire. Thankfully gratitude is completely free, however it is also often elusive.

Taking the time to consider things to be grateful for changes our outlook on life. We start to seek out the positive things and focus our attention on those. And, just like a muscle that can be developed with exercise, we can develop our muscle of gratitude. We can shift it from something passing to something that characterises us - from a state to a trait.

The focus of the reflection in your workbook today is all about gratitude. I've included a few activities you can try out in the coming weeks to build gratitude. The first is a gratitude journal. It's a really simple process but research shows some significant benefits after even short periods of three weeks. The idea is to identify three new things each day that you are grateful for, and note them down - either using a notes app or in a physical journal. The second is a gratitude letter. This involved writing a letter expressing your gratitude to someone, typically someone that you haven't fully thanked to date. The third idea is an act of kindness. To each day intentionally do something nice for someone else. It could be someone you know, or even someone you come across in your day. Try one or more of those gratitude building ideas out today.

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Radical Reflection Challenge - Day Three - Growth Feb 23, 2021

Show notes

Welcome to day three of the radical reflection challenge. We are at the midway point of our challenge, so it's a great opportunity to think about how you are doing. You might want to consider what's working well or not so well for you in this challenge. Perhaps you might mix things up and try moving your reflection and review to a different time of day, or vary the location.

Today's focus is on learning and growth. I love the quote from John Henry Newman who says "Growth is the only evidence of life". I would go so far as to say that growth is the purpose of life. Without growth we cease to truly be living.

The catch with growth and learning is the discomfort they create. Learning new things means making mistakes, falling short and occasionally bruising our knees. Learning something new creates uncertainty and, generally speaking, we hate uncertainty.

You have probably come across the Johari Window before. It's a simple framework that compares what we know about ourselves versus what others know about us. There are some things we know about ourselves that others also know - that's the arena that is on display. Then there are things we know about ourselves that others don't know - that's the things we mask. There are things others see in us that we don't see in ourselves - that's the blind spot, which could either be good or bad. That leaves one more option - those things we don't know about ourself that others also don't know. That's where the greatest opportunity for growth occurs. It is where we try genuinely new things. So today's questions in your workbook ask you to consider your learning and growth over the past year, but also challenge you to look forward to new challenges and opportunities for growth. Take a deep breath and dive in. I will see you again tomorrow.

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Radical Reflection Challenge - Day Two - Success Feb 22, 2021

Show notes

It is day two of the radical reflection challenge. Yesterday we explored our values and the need to reassess our lives against these values from time to time. Today we are focused on success.

Success is a tricky topic to cover for a range of reasons. Success is different for different people. Society tends to portray certain things in the context of success - whether that be wealth, fame, beauty or anything else. There is a risk of chasing others' definitions of success. It is all too easy to adopt someone else's view of what success should be, rather than having our own definition of success.

Here are a few key thoughts about success:

You can and should define what success means for you. If you don't define success, then someone else will. It is all too easy to climb a ladder only to discover it is leaning against the wrong wall - don't let that happen to you. You define success for you.
It's okay for your definition of success to change over time. It is sometimes easier to think of success relating to seasons of your life. For example, your idea of success might be different when you're studying, early in your career, in the middle of your career, later in your career, and in your retirement. Sure, your values may be consistent, but it is fine to change your definition of success to reflect the season you are in.
Success is accomplishment. It is completing or achieving something. It is a point in time - a moment when you know you're successful. So if you want to be successful, you need to set goals. And once you have been successful, you need to set some new goals.
Success can feel pretty pointless by yourself. We are created as social beings. Are there people you can team up with in pursuit of success? Are there people you can cheer on? Then why not partner up with them.

You will find some questions to help you reflect about success in your workbook. Make sure you note down some thoughts.

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Radical Reflection Challenge - Day One - Values Feb 21, 2021

Show notes

Welcome to day one of the radical reflection challenge. I am looking forward to working with you across the next five days. Each day starts with a brief introduction just like this one, followed by an activity in your workbook which you can complete at any point during the day. If you haven't downloaded the workbook as yet, you will find it at leadership.today/radical or follow the link in the show notes.

We are starting our challenge by examining our values. Perhaps you already know what you value and hold to be most important in life. Maybe you haven't given your values much thought, or perhaps it has been a while since you reflected on your values.

Values are central to who we are. They influence what we do, how we do it and, most importantly, why we do it. However it's easy to lose sight of our values. Often times we find ourselves balancing competing priorities. For example, you might really value time with your family and friends, while also valuing financial security. Your quest for financial security may lead you to work longer and longer hours, reducing the time you have available to spend with family and friends.

In this way, I don't believe values are something we set and forget. It's important to assess and re-assess what we value. Our values may change over time. It may be that things that used to be really important to us are now less important. I'm sure you know someone who has had a health diagnosis that caused them to question their values in fundamental ways. Maybe you have had a similar experience that caused you to reassess.

I know for me the loss of a parent when I was in my 20s caused a radical shift in my values. Things that I had placed my hope and confidence in were revealed to be less secure than I thought. It made me reconsider what really mattered to me.

I believe reflecting on our values regularly, whether that's once or twice per year, provides a foundation for deeper reflections on our life. It's very easy for our life to drift off course away from the things that matter to us most. Reflecting on our values is a great check of how we are directing our focus, our time and our energies.

In your workbook you will find a simple values questionnaire. Read through the list of values, then choose the ten that appeal to you most. You can then reduce that list down to a top three. I then want you to reflect on your life at present, and the extent to which it aligns with those values. In what ways are you currently aligned? In what areas might your values be challenged currently?

As well as completing the reflection in the workbook, I encourage you to grab a friend to complete this week's challenge with. It's always better to learn with others.

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Radical Reflection Challenge - Introduction Feb 19, 2021

Show notes

Hi everyone. The Leadership Today podcast is going to be a little different over the next week. We are going to be undertaking what I have called the Radical Reflection Five Day Challenge. I believe most leaders are suffering from what I call reflection deficit, so this challenge aims to tackle that head on.

The challenge is running live from 22nd to 26th February 2021 at Leadership Today On-Demand, which is our video-based subscription service. You can always sign up for a 30 day trial to get involved that way. The other option is to go to leadership.today/radical to learn more and download the workbook.

So what are you signing up for here? Each morning starts with a brief introduction to the challenge for that day. The workbook then includes a range of reflection activities to support your reflections. I've included all of the links in the show notes. I'm confident this challenge can make a huge difference for you personally and in your leadership. I'm looking forward to working with you across the week.

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Episode 107 - When Should I Set a Stretch Goal? Feb 12, 2021

Show notes

Summary

Stretch goals are incredibly popular for individuals and organisations. But are they effective? It depends. This week we explore how to know when to set a stretch goal.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode 107 of the Leadership Today podcast where each week we bring research to life in your leadership. This week we explore how to know when to set a stretch goal.

Stretch goals are incredibly popular for individuals and organisations. But are they effective? Well, that depends.

The modern application of stretch goals can most likely be attributed Jim Collins and Jerry Porras. They coined the term Big Hairy Audacious Goal in their book Built to Last. The book encourages people to set extraordinary stretch goals. But, importantly, these goals are typically set across a long-term time frame of 10 to 25 years. By way of example, when Bill Gates and Paul Allen first started Microsoft they talked to each other about having a computer on every desk and in every home decades before that became reality. That all sounds great - I set myself or my organisation a Big Hairy Audacious Goal for 20 years into the future and chase after it. The problem is that people are applying this approach to one year goals, which was never the intent. Microsoft did not have a one or two year goal to have a computer on every desk - that would have been ridiculous. Instead they used that ambitious goal to draw them forward through years of steady progress.

Shorter-term stretch goals are not always right. The work of Sitkin, Miller and See is really helpful for us to understand when a stretch goal might make sense.

In their 2017 HBR article the authors outline two conditions that are important to consider before setting a stretch goal:

Recent performance. Are you coming from a recent history of success and performance, or of failure and underperformance? Recent success provides the mindset and motivation required to apply to the challenge. This is particularly important.
Excess resources. Do we have additional resources available that aren't already committed? Is there some slack in the system? Stretch goals require committed resources, not just business as usual.

The perfect time to set a stretch goal is when you have recently been successful and you have available uncommitted resources. People will have the motivation, mindset and capacity to chase that stretch goal. Even if you have been successful, if you don't have the required additional resources you are setting people up for failure.

But hang on - so if I don't have recent success, are the authors saying I shouldn't set a stretch goal even if I have available resources? Where there are available resources but not a recent history of success, the authors suggest running more modest experiments that you can afford to fail. Rather than setting stretch goals, it is better in these situations to work on quick fail experiments. Here you try new things that aren't huge bets, and celebrate giving things a go. As these experiments begin to work, you will build that track record of success needed to then set stretch goals.

If you haven't recently been successful and lack spare resources, then stretch goals are not your friend. Instead the authors suggest you should chase small wins - taking those small steps forward until you do have a track record of success. Then your people will feel more confident to reach out towards a stretch goal.

A stretch goal needs a recent track record of success and dedicated resources. Too often people set a stretch goal as a last gasp opportunity for redemption - that's exactly the wrong time. So, yes, absolutely dream big for the 10 to 25 year future. But then consider the kind of goals you set based on your performance to date and the resources you are willing to commit.

I hope you found that helpful. As always, a link to the reference used is in the show notes.

If you want to become an even better leader, then I'm sure Leadership Today On-Demand can help. It's where we have all of our online courses, recorded webinars, and quick hits on a broad range of topics, all available with one subscription. Go to leadership.today and follow the on-demand link to sign up for a completely free 30 day trial.

Have a great week.

Reference

The Stretch Goal Paradox by Sim B. Sitkin, C. Chet Miller, and Kelly E. See. Harvard Business Review (January-February 2017).

https://hbr.org/2017/01/the-stretch-goal-paradox

Episode 106 - The Power of Belief in Potential Feb 05, 2021

Show notes

Summary

What we think about people has an impact not just on how we personally perceive them, but also on their actual behaviour. There's power when we believe in someone's potential.

Transcript

Hello and welcome to episode 106 of the Leadership Today podcast where each week we bring research to life in your leadership. This week we explore the power of belief in potential.

What we think about people has an impact not just on how we personally perceive them, but also on their actual behaviour. It's an example of selective attention bias with some expectancy bias thrown in for good measure. If you think that someone is lazy, you will notice everything that they do that appears lazy. You will also ignore anything they do that is energetic and active. So, over time, we just end up thinking that they're more and more lazy. But, on top of that, we will also modify the way we work with that person. This in turn will lead to them acting in ways that appear even more lazy. We might give them less work to complete, so they end up having more spare time. They might become less engaged, and so seem more lazy. In short, the actions we take can make the other person end up being more lazy.

A recent study demonstrated this impact in a college environment. Through some laboratory and field studies, the researchers discovered that a professor's mindset about student learning had remarkable positive and negative impacts on those students. For example, when a professor had lower expectations that people could develop and grow, their students demonstrated lower class attendance, reduced engagement in class, less end of semester interest in the subject, they felt more like an impostor in the class, and they even delivered lower grades. So if a professor (who is effectively the leader of learning) thinks you're not likely to learn, then you, in turn, will actually be less likely to learn. In contrast, if the leader thinks you have potential to learn and grow, you're much more likely to learn and grow.

In a work context, we often inherit a perspective about a person we lead. "This person is a trouble maker" or "this person doesn't deliver". The risk is that we perpetuate and multiply this perspective through our behaviour towards that person.

Here are five ways to challenge our thinking and demonstrate belief in others' potential:

Reset your expectations. Think about how you see others and give them another chance. Let's expect that people can improve, grow and develop.
State your positive expectations. It's what you say that matters. If you think someone is fantastic but never say it, they may completely miss it.
Challenge negative appraisals you might make. Is it more about you than them? What evidence might you have to the contrary?
Challenge negative appraisals others make about people. If you hear others perpetuating negative beliefs about people, appropriately challenge them.
Challenge negative appraisals others make about themselves. Sometimes people perpetuate their own limiting beliefs. Why wouldn't others believe the person? Use the opportunity to challenge people who consistently run themselves down.

As leaders, what we think about others matters. It shapes not only our perceptions, but also their behaviour. Think about ways you can demonstrate a greater belief in others' potential.

Well that's the end of this week's episode. As always, the reference used is in the show notes.

A quick reminder that our brand new Leading Through Change and Uncertainty online course is now available at Leadership Today On-Demand. It's video based so you can go at your own pace and work through the content in any order. Just go to Leadership.Today website and follow the On-Demand link to find out more and to sign up for a free 30 day trial. We also offer a 25% discount for groups, so it's a great option for your team and organisation. Take a look at Leadership Today On-Demand - it's just like online fitness training for your leadership.

Have a great week, and I look forward to speaking with you again next week.

Reference

Muenks, K., Canning, E. A., LaCosse, J., Green, D. J., Zirkel, S., Garcia, J. A., & Murphy, M. C. (2020). Does my professor think my ability can change? Students' perceptions of their STEM professors' mindset beliefs predict their psychological vulnerability, engagement, and performance in class. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 149(11), 2119–2144. https://doi.org/10.1037/xge0000763

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