Language of Love with Dr. Laura Berman

Latest Episodes:

Healing from Friendship Breakups Mar 04, 2024

Show notes

Welcome back to another Language of Love Bite!

Today, I want to share something deeply personal and universally relatable – the often-overlooked pain of friendship breakups. I totally get how losing a friend can feel just like you've lost a member of your family, and with everything going on with the pandemic, those feelings are even more intense.

I'm opening up about my own experiences with losing friends and I'm right here with you, guiding you through those complex emotions. We're going to talk about how to pick yourself up and build that resilience to move forward. It's all about looking inward, reflecting on the friendships we've had, and being brave enough to make new connections.

But here's a heads up – trying to get closure from that former friend might not be the best move. It can actually set you back on your healing journey. So, let's navigate this together and find our way to a place of peace and new beginnings.

I talk about:

Friendship breakups and grief that can bring
Impact of pandemic on friendship breakups
Complex emotions during the grieving process
Navigating loss with grace and resilience
Guidance on navigating the aftermath of friendship breakups
Importance of self-reflection and identifying valued qualities in friendships
Accessing new, more aligned connections to emerge
Practical advice and support for individuals navigating friendship breakups

Have you experienced the pain of loss and found it difficult to cope and heal? If so, I invite you to visit my website and explore the resources available, including a grief course that may help you navigate through your journey of healing.

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Diary of a Human Lie Detector with Annie Särnblad Feb 28, 2024

Show notes

You ever wonder if someone is telling the truth? It turns out each of us can be a human lie detector! There's no magic involved, only science. It's all about understanding the language of micro facial expressions. By paying attention to small changes in a person's face, we can uncover the truth and strengthen our relationships with others. Whether it's picking up on tiny expressions to see if someone’s into you, understanding the hidden meaning behind a friend's smile, or determining if someone is telling you the truth, knowing the language of facial expressions can make all the difference.

In this Language of Love Conversation, I sit down with Annie Särnblad, a global speaker and certified expert in the Facial Action Coding System (FACS), to learn all about the art of reading micro expressions.

Annie's journey into the realm of facial expressions is as personal as it is professional. Stemming from a childhood marked by abuse, she developed a heightened sensitivity to non-verbal cues as a survival mechanism. This hyper-awareness evolved into a passion for understanding the subtle signals conveyed through our facial expressions, particularly microexpressions—those fleeting, involuntary movements that can betray our true feelings.

We break down:

Annie's personal and professional background in understanding facial expressions, especially microexpressions
The universality of facial expressions across different cultures and languages
How to read micro expression to identify genuine emotions and building trust
Physiological connections to facial expressions, such as the link between disgust and sense of smell
Challenging misconceptions about empathy in individuals with autism
The importance of cultural awareness and considering cultural variations in non-verbal communication
The significance of non-verbal cues in creating authentic connections in various types of relationships

Check out Annie’s book “Diary of a Human Lie Detector: Facial Expressions in Love, Lust, and Lies.” You can also visit her website and follow her on LinkedIn and Instagram to learn more about her work.

Make sure to visit my website to check out my books on love, sex and relationships and explore my available courses. Tune in regularly to The Language of Love for great discussions and thought-provoking conversations with accomplished individuals and experts offering invaluable advice on how to love and be loved better.

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The Body as the Boss Feb 21, 2024

Show notes

In this Language of Love session, I sit down with Regine, a listener facing the dual challenges of a partner with PTSD and her journey through grief and caregiving. She's navigating the delicate balance between her social desires and her partner's need for solitude due to PTSD. It's a dance many couples know all too well – the push and pull of togetherness and independence. This has put a strain on their relationship, as Regine longs for shared social experiences and support, especially after the loss of her son and the emotional toll of caring for her mother with Alzheimer's. We also touch on something incredibly profound – the connection between our bodies and our emotional well-being. Regine shares her journey of caregiving and personal loss, and together, we discuss the transformative power of tuning into our bodies to find healing and peace.

We deep dive into:

Life's fragility and the desire to cherish every moment
The roles of victim and villain in relationship dynamics
The importance of understanding love languages in a relationship
The importance of having a supportive community outside the relationship
The impact of grief and loss on relationships
Finding the middle ground and compromising in relationships
Why you should be listening to your body and use your heart as a compass

Don't forget to check out my website for helpful meditations on the Quantum Love page that can assist you with your relationships. Take a look at the list of available meditations and see which ones resonate with you.

Also, if you are a mother who has lost a child in any way, join my retreat for grieving mamas at 1440 Multiversity in Santa Cruz, California. Experience healing, community, and workshops with experts like David Kessler and Paul Selig. Visit 1440.org for more information and join us in the beautiful redwoods for four amazing days.

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Overcoming Codependency Feb 19, 2024

Show notes

Have you ever found yourself constantly prioritizing the needs of others while neglecting your own? Do you get anxious when those you care about are anxious or angry? Do you find arguments leave you contorted, desperately seeking forgiveness and acceptance from your partner? If this sounds like you or someone you love, its time to confront the possibility that you may be trapped in the clutches of codependency.

This Language of Love Bite, I dive into the complex world of codependency, its roots, its effects on our relationships, and the path to healing. The origin of codependency can be traced back to traumatic childhood experiences, such as being raised by an addict, a narcissist, or enduring emotional or physical abuse. These early life challenges often lead to "parentification," where children assume the emotional and sometimes physical responsibilities of caring for their parents, setting the stage for codependent behaviors later in life.

Despite the challenges, I acknowledge the positive aspects of codependency, such as the innate desire to give and receive love. Join me in exploring these insights further and taking the steps toward healing and growth.

In this Bite, I explain:

Codependency as an addiction and a lifetime of recovery
The role of traumatic childhood experiences in developing codependency
Codependents' fear of abandonment and susceptibility to toxic partners
The struggle to discern authentic love from manipulation
The positive and manipulative elements of codependency
How to heal from codependency through inner child work and setting boundaries
The challenges codependents may face when setting boundaries and standing up for themselves

Remember, if you're looking to enhance both your love life and sex life, whether you're in a relationship or not, I highly recommend checking out my free course on Quantum Sex.

Additionally, if you're seeking to break free from codependency, there are some valuable resources I suggest exploring. Co-dependents Anonymous is a great program that can provide the guidance you need. Another excellent resource is Melodie Beattie's influential book, "Codependent No More."

These resources can offer invaluable insights and support on your journey towards personal growth and independence.

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Breaking the Cycle of Intergenerational Trauma with Dr. Mariel Buque Feb 14, 2024

Show notes

What if I told you that your ancestors' traumas could be actively influencing your life today? What if the pain they endured, generations ago, could still shape your relationships, behaviors, and even your DNA? It's a thought-provoking concept, isn't it? Welcome to the world of intergenerational trauma.

In this Language of Love Conversation, I am excited to be joined by Dr. Mariel Buque, a Columbia-trained mystic psychologist, professor, sound bath meditation healer, and intergenerational trauma expert. Dr. Mariel brings a wealth of knowledge to our discussion, which centers around her new book, “Break the Cycle: A Guide to Healing Intergenerational Trauma.” Together, we dive deep into the heart of what it means to carry emotional burdens from our past and how we can liberate ourselves and our future generations from these invisible chains.

Here's a glimpse of what we discuss:

The impact of healing from intergenerational trauma on family dynamics and relationships
The energetic perspective and the impact of past family members on our lives
How to handle family members who resist or deny their trauma
The concept of “parenting back, parenting forward” and intergenerational re-parenting
Seven key areas for fostering growth and healing from intergenerational trauma
The potential consequences of anxious-attachment parenting
How to impart legacies to future generations and learn to apologize to our kids

Remember to check out Dr. Mariel’s book, Break the Cycle: A Guide to Healing Intergenerational Trauma, for more tools, techniques, suggestions, and guidance on intergenerational trauma.

Also, if you are experiencing grief, know that you are not alone in this journey. Consider checking out my course, Good Grief: Healing from Loss with Love, on my website for additional support and guidance.

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A Journey of Exploration and Connection Feb 07, 2024

Show notes

In today's episode we’re continuing our journey with Ken and Marla, a couple I've been helping to boost their intimacy. Their story is like so many others. Marla has been opening up about her shyness around masturbation, and I've got to say, I'm proud of her for being so honest. Ken has been amazing, too—totally supportive of Marla's journey into self-exploration.

I always tell people how crucial masturbation is for your personal health and really getting to know your body. It's a game-changer, especially for your sex life together. I've recommended a vibrator that I think could be a great fit for Marla, and I'm all about them experimenting to find out what feels good.

And it's not just about those intimate moments in the bedroom. Ken and Marla have been finding ways to connect in their everyday lives, which is just beautiful. They're on this path to achieving orgasm together during sex, and let me tell you, they're making some fantastic progress.

Here is a glimpse of what we explore:

Ken and Marla's relationship update and experiences with intimacy
Incorporating a vibrator into sexual activities
Guidance on enhancing physical intimacy
Ken and Marla's efforts to maintain physical connection
Prioritizing Marla's pleasure during intimate moments
Recommendations for exploring new ways of intimacy
Masturbation and its role in understanding one's body and enhancing comfort
Advice on using a specific vibrator and experimenting with different options
The importance of consistent physical intimacy and building intimacy in different moments
The goal of achieving an orgasm during a sexual encounter and inspiring others through their journey

This episode is a big one because it's not just their story—they inspire so many others dealing with the same issues. Stick with me, and let's see where their journey takes us next!

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Monogamy Ain't Natural Feb 05, 2024

Show notes

Lifelong monogamy can be quite a challenge in our world today. We're living longer, our needs are evolving, and there are so many different factors at play. You see, we humans are kind of wired to be what you could call "serially monogamous." It's like we're designed to form temporary relationships for the purpose of raising children. And interestingly, this ancient instinct still seems to influence our modern relationships. Just look at the stats – divorce rates tend to spike when the youngest child is about 2 or 3 years old. It's a complex topic that's worth exploring, and that's exactly what we'll do in this Language of Love bite.

While monogamy may not be our natural state, it's a choice that many of us make for various reasons. Whether it's for the sake of raising children, maintaining stability, or simply because of personal preference, monogamy requires effort and commitment. But with the right approach, it's a choice that can lead to fulfilling and lasting relationships.

Visit my website to explore my range of books and courses on love, sex, and relationships, and be sure to tune in regularly to the Language of Love podcast for thought-provoking discussions and invaluable advice aimed at helping you love and be loved better.

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Taming Your Inner Critic with Neal Allen Jan 31, 2024

Show notes

We all grapple with an inner critic, incessantly whispering that we're not good enough or worthy of success and love, fostering a cycle of self-criticism. What if we could tame this relentless voice, breaking free from its grip and embracing our authentic selves? The good news is, we can.

In this Language of Love Conversation, I sit down with Neal Allen, the author of Better Days: Tame Your Inner Critic. Neal takes us on an enlightening journey exploring the human psyche and the often-ignored superego. He shares his expertise on how the inner critic develops, its intentions, its impact on our lives, and fantastic strategies for recognizing and dealing with it. Taming the inner critic isn't just about finding peace; it's a path towards something more profound, something spiritual.

We unpack:

How to recognize and address the inner critic's impact on our lives
The role of compassion in understanding the inner critic
The paradox of perfection and productivity
The "Peter Pan Kid" analogy
The connection between releasing the inner critic and experiencing moments of grace and divine presence

Make sure to visit Neal Allen's website to learn more about the great work he does. You can connect with him on social media too, like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter(X) for updates. If you want to improve yourself and conquer that negative voice inside you, you should definitely read his amazing book "Better Days: Tame Your Inner Critic.

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The Struggle with Self-Sabotage Jan 24, 2024

Show notes

Have you ever found yourself caught in the complicated dance of self-sabotage, where the haunting echoes of past trauma manifest as destructive behavior, over using substances and withdrawal from the world? In this Language of Love Session, Pamela opens up about her struggles with self-sabotaging behavior and past trauma, including excessive drinking and withdrawing from people due to past abuse.

In this episode, we’re diving into:

Maintaining self-love and overcoming self-sabotaging behavior
The impact of past trauma on self-perception and behavior
The importance of acknowledging and speaking about past trauma
The role of somatic experiencing therapy in healing trauma
The physical symptoms and coping mechanisms associated with unresolved trauma
Finding peace, love, and happiness within oneself

Remember, the journey toward self-love and healing is a continuous process, but with the right tools and support, it is indeed possible.

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Healing Your Inner Child Jan 22, 2024

Show notes

Welcome back to another Language of Love Bite! This week I'm going to explore the concept of inner child work and how it can heal past traumas and improve relationships. So, what exactly is inner child work? Well, it's all about connecting with those wounded parts of ourselves that were hurt during our childhood. These parts often carry unresolved emotions and traumas that can impact our adult lives and relationships.

One key aspect of inner child work is recognizing that these emotions are just parts of us, not our entire being. By understanding that these wounded parts are separate from our true selves, we can approach them with compassion and create space for healing.

Embark on a journey of healing and self-discovery as we explore the transformative power of inner child work. Let's heal our inner wounds and nurture healthier relationships. Check out Richard Schwartz's book, No Bad Parts, along with my course, Good Grief: Healing from Loss with Love.

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