It's My Pleasure - TopPodcast.com

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Ep. 74: Withholding Sex Aug 13, 2020

Show notes

Have you ever withheld sex as a punishment or have used it as a reward for “good behavior”? I was on a call with a client recently and we were talking about this idea of withholding or rewarding with sex, and it made me think of a time in the early years of my very own marriage when I would tell my husband that if he did certain things, that he would be rewarded with sex. I remember one argument in particular over something really small, and I was paying attention to my brain as it had the thoughts, “I’m going to show him! I’m not going to have sex with him tonight. I might not even have sex with him this whole week!”

This idea of using sex as a reward or withholding it as a punishment is something that we see a lot of in our society. In this episode, I share why this thinking is so damaging to your own self-concept of your sexuality, and why it’s so important to prioritize your pleasure and the connection between you and your partner.

Topics in this episode

The underlying message we tell ourselves and our partner when we incentivize sex
Instead of being for them, sex should be about your own enjoyment and pleasure
This doesn’t just hurt them. It hurts you too.
This doesn’t mean that you have to have sex when you’re mad and don’t want to have sex.
You are the one who creates your own feelings through your thoughts.
You don’t have to deny yourself the pleasure that is possible

We just finished the group coaching experience, Better Sex in 90 Days. I heard from so many of the women who participated that it was an incredible and life-changing experience. Some of the takeaways were that they learned how to slow down and truly be present, taking time to connect with the body, and getting to experience what it’s like to be a fully pleasured woman.

The next group coaching session begins the first full week in September, after Labor Day. To learn more or to apply to join, go to: https://daniellesavory.com/group/.

As always, it’s been my absolute pleasure to share this episode with you about withholding sex and using sex as a reward. I hope it’s got you thinking about this concept that it is all about your pleasure. Sex isn’t just something to give to your partner. It’s about pleasure, connection, passion. It is for you.
To make sure you don’t miss any of my content to help you become a more pleasured woman, sign up for the newsletter at: https://www.daniellesavory.com/subscribe

Ep. 73: The Patriarchy and Your Sex Life Aug 06, 2020

Show notes

Let’s discuss the patriarchy and how it impacts our ability to experience pleasure in our bodies, starting from a young age, and sticking with us throughout our entire lives. The reason I’m talking about the patriarchy on a sex podcast is that the way we are socialized as women is going to greatly impact the way that we are able to show up in our bodies and experience sex and pleasure. When we have awareness about the types of messages we receive, we can see how our brain is naturally going to react when it comes to sex, pleasure, and our body image. Then, once we have awareness about it, we can begin to change and rewire it, so that we are more tuned in to experience pleasure.

In this episode, I share some of the patriarchal messaging we receive, how to work through those beliefs, and share some of the transformations that women in my group coaching program are experiencing right now.

If you want to take this work deeper, I am currently accepting applications for the next cohort of my group program. Better Sex in 90 Days, which is starting soon. To learn more and to apply to be a part, go to: https://daniellesavory.com/group/

Topics in this episode

The image of the good girl, and it’s affect on our sexuality
Differences in how sex is presented to men versus women
The fear of presenting ourselves as though we are “asking for it”
The messaging that keeps us smaller
What female pleasure actually looks like
Turning off the turn-offs
Opening ourselves up to the practice of receiving

As always it’s been my absolute pleasure to share this with you. I hope this has helped you really start to peel apart all of the layers of what you’ve learned so that you can fully step into yourself in a sexually expressed and loving way. It’s such a beautiful journey and I’m excited for you to be on it.

Ep. 72: Arousal - How To Get Turned ON! Jul 30, 2020

Show notes

Across the last two episodes, we’ve been discussing motivation and desire when it comes to sex, how they’re different, and how they interact with each other in order for you to have more pleasure. So often the terms “desire” and “arousal” are used interchangeably, but they really are not the same. Desire is the eagerness and wanting to have sex, and arousal is the physiological response to sexual stimulus. In this episode, we dive into what it means to feel aroused, how to get there, and why it’s the missing piece to your libido and being able to be a fully pleasured woman.

I’m also really excited to share a recent testimonial I received from a woman in my group coaching program, Better Sex in 90 Days. We’re coming up on the last few weeks of the program, and there have been so many ah-ha moments, mindset shifts, and celebrations, and it has been such a joy to see the amazing things these women have accomplished. My next group coaching starts the first week of September, and I am currently accepting applications. To learn more and to apply, please go to https://daniellesavory.com/group/

Topics in this episode

Spontaneous desire versus responsive desire
Getting aroused will lead to the eagerness
What desire feels like in your body
Motivation is the willingness. Desire is the eagerness. Arousal is the physiological response.
Arousal is the foundation of pleasure
Give yourself the time. Give yourself permission to be in your body, and to let go of control.
What does arousal require?

As always, it’s been my absolute pleasure to bring this episode to you. I hope that it helps you understand arousal a little more, and to know that you can create thoughts so that you can become more embodied. Take a look at how you’re thinking about sex and putting pressure on yourself. Give yourself permission to become aroused, so you can get off and get the pleasure you deserve.

Ep. 71: How To Help Increase Desire Jul 23, 2020

Show notes

If you’ve been listening to this podcast, you’ll know that your thoughts create your feelings. This episode is a continuation of the conversation we started last week about motivation and desire, and how those play a role over the course of a long-term monogamous relationship, which may result in a lack of desire for sex. Last week I shared the difference between motivation and desire, the cultural factors that created the motivation for sex, and that once the goal of a long term relationship is secured, the motivation for sex is diminished.

In this episode, we continue exploring the connection between motivation and desire, and how we can use our thoughts to create the feelings of enthusiasm and excitement, which drive our desire for pleasurable sex. To hear last week’s episode, go here: https://daniellesavory.com/ep-70-motivation-to-have-sex/

Topics in this episode

Have some compassion and love for yourself.
The difference between motivation and desire:
Motivation influences desire
Desire is totally in our control. It’s a feeling. It’s a mood
Thinking thoughts that help increase your enthusiasm and eagerness
Approaching desire with curiosity creates an environment for pleasure to enter

It has been my absolute pleasure to share this with you today. Don’t forget, your mindset and your thoughts create your feelings, and desire is one of those feelings. Think about what happens in your body when you’re enthusiastic about something, you get excited and enthusiastic about pursuing it, and your pleasure should be no different. Keep thinking thoughts to create these emotions, and create more desire today.

Ep. 70: Motivation to HAVE Sex Jul 16, 2020

Show notes

One of the most common things I hear from women is about how their desire has diminished throughout the course of their long-term, monogamous relationships, and that it may have even stopped altogether. For most of us, we have been brought up with a cultural narrative of the importance of securing that long-term relationship. And one of the ways in which we secure this relationship with our “person” is through sex. In this episode, I dive into the subconscious motivations for sex within a relationship, what it is that creates desire, and a prompt for self-reflection on why it is you want to tap into your desire and for doing this work.

Topics in this episode

Pleasure is not measured in the same sense of achievement or milestones as other areas of our lives, making it difficult to find the motivation to invest in ourselves and our desires
Motivation versus desire
The biggest factor that keeps us from owning our pleasure
We can’t enjoy sex more if we’re not having it in the first place
When we have security and attachment, we have to look for another motivational system
This isn’t something wrong with you. You aren’t broken.
Desire comes from a want, and not a “should”.
Ways to help yourself find your motivation

It has been my absolute pleasure to share this with you. This is something I cannot stop thinking about, and I hope it will help you tap deeper into your “why” for doing your work on your sexuality and seeing all the ways it’s worthy of the effort. Next week we will talk more about the desire to have sex, and I can’t wait to chat with you then.

"Celebrating the Queen Within" With Brig Johnson Jul 02, 2020

Show notes

Brig Johnson is a fellow life coaching colleague and friend of mine. She is an amazing representation of a woman who fully celebrates her body, and I wanted to have her on the show today to share about her recent journey of doing a boudoir photoshot in honor of her 55th birthday. Brig is such an inspiration, and I am excited to have her in my world because I feel like I have permission to shine brighter when I’m with her because of the way that she shines. In our conversation, she shares her journey of deciding to pursue a boudoir photo shoot, the mental preparation she did, and how she celebrates herself and her body every day.

Brig is on a mission to help high-achieving Black females become un-fuckwithable. Her unique approach combines her knowledge as an advanced practice healthcare provider and her skill as a life coach, and her direct style helps clients see themselves with clarity and compassion so that they reach the results they desire. If Brig sounds like she may be a great fit for you, please check out the links to contact her and get connected.

Topics in this episode

The revolutionary act of embracing our sensuality
Why she decided to do this photoshoot
Willingly celebrating someone else’s shining light
Asking for support from other women
The difference between giving and celebrating
Paying rent: The constant health practice we all must do in order to enjoy our bodies
Working towards a goal, while also being loving and accepting of yourself along the way and enjoying the process
We all have the possibility to create a future that is way better than our pasts
Creating a sisterhood by recognizing the beauty of others and releasing judgment of others, and ourselves
Celebrating yourself and making it a habit
Brig answers the question I ask each guest: What do you think the impact would be if more women in this world were pleasured?

Contact Info

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachwithbrig
Website: http://brigjohnson.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/johnsonbrig/
Ricardo Andre, Photographer: https://www.instagram.com/ricardoandrephoto/

It’s been my absolute pleasure to share this conversation with you. I am so happy that I was able to have Brig on and to have her share her journey and experience with all of you. After we recorded this episode, we started talking and we really want to bring this celebratory experience into more women’s lives and we have decided to put together an event to help women just like you find and celebrate their queendom.

Ep. 68: The Audacity to Change Jun 25, 2020

Show notes

When we start to do this work, it starts with little tweaks that we do to think differently, to have a different perspective, and to unlearn our behaviors. But really, when you look at the bigger picture, what you’re doing is changing your personality. Who we are and how we show up in the world is a collection of different things: things we’ve learned, the thoughts we have, the beliefs that we have, which dictates how we feel emotionally in our body. And when we start to challenge how we feel in our bodies and make shifts in our thoughts and beliefs, it changes who we are and how we show up. In this episode I really dive into the emotion of shame, especially around self-pleasure, and how we can notice our thoughts, and begin to shift them so that we can become the self-pleasured women we want to be.

Topics in this episode:

How addicted we get to our personality
Why is this so hard, even when I know this isn’t serving me?
Emotion showing up in our bodies
Why self-pleasure brings up shame
Exploring what emotions feel like in the body
Why it becomes scary to face our shame
Sustaining emotions of pleasure, satisfaction, and joy
The steps to finding joy and pleasure in your sex life

As always it has been my absolute pleasure to be with you this week. I hope that you have the audacity to see that there’s so much pleasure available for you, and you can start to lean into it moment by moment. Over time, by taking these steps, you become the sexual woman that you are wanting to be.

Ep. 67: What is Pleasure? Jun 18, 2020

Show notes

For today’s topic, I wanted to talk about the idea of pleasure. It came to mind when I was working with my group program, Better Sex in 90 Days, and I was recently asked what I meant when I said pleasure, and how the women in that program know if they are experiencing pleasure or not. We’re told what pleasure should feel like or what pleasure looks like, and we don’t often think about what it means to actually feel like. In this episode, I share with you how to identify what it is that you find pleasurable, and how you can apply that to your sex life and become the sexual woman you seek to be.

Topics in this episode

Defining pleasure and sexual pleasure
Let yourself be curious
Pleasure is made up of physical touch and the filter with which we see it
Context matters
Pleasure is subjective
Finding what it takes to feel sexual pleasure

It’s been my absolute pleasure to share this information with you and I hope it allows you to find more pleasure in your life. If you’re enjoying this podcast, I encourage you to write a review and tell your friends about it. It really helps get this word out so that we can become more pleasured human beings. We need more pleasure in this world and to allow ourselves to delicious pleasure.

Q&A: Pleasure During Hard Times, Libido and Anxiety w/ O's Jun 11, 2020

Show notes

I want to start by discussing the current events that are taking place in response to Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd, and the thousands of other Black lives that have been unjustly taken. It has been very clear to me why this movement of Black Lives Matter is so important. With what is going on right now, I want to start by saying to my Black friends, listeners, and colleagues; I love you. I see you. And I fully stand with you, today and every day.

Being a white woman in this country and really listening to the Black voices close to me, in my local community and beyond has been particularly important recently. I am learning and unpacking, and I want to continue to learn and be a part of the conversation and take action that I can take.

In this episode, I share with you a Q&A, something I’ve never done before. The topics I cover in this episode are how to feel pleasure when there is so much overwhelm and deep hurt, how to push through anxiety in order to fully organsm, and increasing libido.

Question 1: How is it possible to feel pleasure when there is so much anger, overwhelm, and deep hurt?

Learning how to be compassionate to yourself for your emotions
Give yourself permission to feel
Getting through the trauma in our bodies
Give yourself permission to feel pleasure, along with the emotional pain you’re experiencing
Moments of pleasure are soothing and will help you get through the hard times

Question 2: How do you push through anxiety to fully orgasm?

We’re not trying to push through anything
When you’re not having sex, ask yourself, where is this anxiety coming from?
What are you afraid of experiencing?
If you don’t know where the anxiety is coming from, it makes it difficult to do anything about it
How to identify where the anxiety is coming from

Question 3: How do you increase libido?

What libido means
Ask yourself, how can I want sex more?
Spontaneous vs responsive desire
Spend time finding out what it is that turns you on, and spend time doing that thing
Minimizing your turn offs

It has been my pleasure, as always, to share these tools, insights, and mindset shifts that can really help you become a more turned on woman and help you lean more into your pleasure. Not only are you deserving of pleasure, but it is also available to you and it can help you in all areas of your life.

Ep. 65: 5 Things To Practice For Better Sex May 28, 2020

Show notes

Today I wanted to share five practical things you can practice to have better sex. If you want to get better at anything, it requires practice, and the same thing applies to sex. And it’s important that we practice these things outside of sex so that it becomes more of a default in the moment, and you can really feel and enjoy the pleasure of having sex. Carve out time in your every day life to really be intentional and practice these five things, and you’ll be able to feel more pleasured and have better sex.

Topics in this episode

The 5 things to practice for better sex:
- Feeling pleasure
- Thinking about sex
- Connecting with your lady parts
- Focusing
- The muscles you are going to use during sex
Finding moments of pleasure throughout the day
Find time to think about your partner more, and to be eager to see them and spend time with them
Pay attention to the person he is and the things he is doing, rather than the things he isn’t doing
Notice what it feels like in the moment to tap into the sensations of your vulva
If you want better sex, you have to learn to focus your mind
Why we want to focus during sex
Getting your body ready for the kind of sex you want to have

Resources

3 Simple Steps for Mindblowing Sex: https://www.daniellesavory.com/blog/ep-59-first-step-to-mind-blowing-sex%2F
Pelvic Floor Health for Greater Pleasure with Buffy Stinchfield: https://www.daniellesavory.com/blog/ep-29-pelvic-floor-health-for-greater-pleasure-with-buffy-stinchfield%2F

It has been my absolute pleasure to share this episode with you. I had a fun time thinking about all of these ways that you can practice better sex when you’re not actually having better sex. I hope that all of these practices help bring more pleasure to you in the bedroom. If you’re enjoying this podcast, please take the time to write a review and sharing this so that more women can feel sexually pleasured and alive.