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Ep. 84: Sex & Trauma: The Elephant in the Bedroom Nov 12, 2020

Show notes

Today we are talking about trauma, and I really encourage you to listen to this one, even though it is more of a serious and heavy topic. It is a really necessary conversation we need to have as women, especially as we continue to tap into all of our potential in so many different ways. Even if you think this may not apply to you, you may still learn something about your own body and experiences. Trauma has many forms, and it is going to affect your ability to access pleasure, and that’s why we’re here.

Disclaimer: In this episode, I will mention abuse, sexual assault, and childhood abuse, but I will not go into any details. My intention in discussing this topic is to open up a safe, loving, and healthy dialogue so that we can all heal. I hope that this is episode will jumpstart your healing journey and will lead to more pleasure in your sex life and every part of your life.

Topics in this episode

Why I haven’t talked about trauma on this podcast before
Trauma is another part of being human that we can all learn how to embrace. We don’t have to feel afraid of it. It can be an opportunity for us to love ourselves even deeper
How to support ourselves when we feel the sensations from trauma
It is our birthright to experience pleasure and freedom in our own bodies
Recognizing trauma in our brains and in our relationships with our bodies
Not shaming our brain and body’s responses to trauma
We deserve to feel free from this so that there’s nothing holding us back from connecting with ourselves and the person we love

New resource for you

I wanted to let you know about an opportunity. Maybe you’ve joined my webinar, or you’ve been listening to this podcast for a while and you’re ready to take the next step in your journey but you’re not sure if you’re ready for coaching, so I put together a starter kit for you. It’s a totally free resource for you to jumpstart your journey.

Included in this starter kit is a workbook with questions and explanations and a couple of meditations. I want to gift it to you totally for free.

To access this amazing resource, go to Apple Podcasts and write a review of this podcast. Share with others why you keep coming back, what you’ve learned, and how it has impacted your life! Once you’re done, take a screenshot of your review and send it to team@daniellesavory.com, and you will receive this free starter kit.

It’s been my absolute pleasure to be with you here today and have this conversation. This episode might not have been as exciting or fun as we want sex to be, but it truly is one of the most important topics. Healing our traumas is a crucial part of sexual liberation and falling in love with yourself and being able to fully enjoy who you are and to access your birthright to experience pleasure and freedom.

Ep. 83: Self-Pleasure - aka Masturbation Re-Imagined Nov 05, 2020

Show notes

I think it’s time we dedicate an episode to talking about one of my favorite topics, self-pleasure! When it comes to the thought of self-pleasure, shame tends to be the predominant feeling, and it comes from the ways in which we’ve been socialized and taught about enjoying our bodies. In this episode, I get into some of the specific beliefs that hinder us from being able to explore and enjoy our bodies, and then how to shift those beliefs. Once we’re able to create that shift, it opens up the possibility of what sex and pleasure could look like for us, and then we’re able to apply that to our sex lives in our partnered experiences! I also share some of the ways in which it could negatively impact your sex life, and some ways to get started.

This is a topic that comes up with my one-on-one coaching clients, as well as with the women in my group coaching, Better Sex in 90 Days. I am currently taking applications for the next group session, which starts in January. To learn more or to hop on a call to see if this is the right fit for you, go to https://daniellesavory.com/group/

Topics in this episode:

Understanding why you’re associating this practice with shame.
The foundational belief that our bodies aren’t our own
Self-pleasure vs masturbate
Self-pleasure is an opportunity for you to be able to connect with yourself and your body in a caring way
The goal of self-pleasure
How it feels to receive your own love and touch
How self-pleasure can help and how it can take away from your sex life
Giving yourself permission to explore

As always, it’s been my absolute pleasure to share this with you. I hope that it helps you up your self-pleasure game, no matter where it’s at. This is one of the most delicious and amazing self-care practices that creates connection with our bodies. Give yourself permission to bring this in as a regular part of your practice and have fun!

Ep. 82: Sexual Standards Are Killing Your Pleasure Oct 29, 2020

Show notes

When I say “mind-blowing sex”, what images come to mind for you? For most women, there’s an immediate image that pops in our heads that we’ve been fed through the media about what incredible sex should look like. This image in our minds forms how we think it looks, and how it feels, to be turned on and pleasured. What if I told you that this image of mind-blowing sex is actually keeping you from having that kind of sex that you’re picturing? In this episode, I talk about these sex standards, and how to let go of them so that you can create your own image of pleasurable sex, and you can start having the sex of your dreams.

Topics in this episode

Is there a right way to have sex?
How this affects the way we’re thinking about our sexual partners
The standards you’re holding yourself against and how you’re measuring the success of your sex
Confirmation bias - the brain believes something, and it’s going to work to find evidence of that belief
Creating pleasure requires curiosity
The difference between sex goals and goals in other areas of your life

As always, it’s been my absolute pleasure to share this with you today. I hope that with this episode, you’re able to find more pleasure in your body, the obstacles that are holding you back from experiencing delicious, amazing sex. Pleasure is possible with your mind, and when we start to break down these standards, we all win.

Ep. 81: Squeezing Sex into a Busy Life Oct 22, 2020

Show notes

Today’s topic may seem similar to things we’ve talked about in previous episodes, but I really wanted to simply talk about flipping the narrative about how we look at pleasure in general. So many of my clients and podcast listeners come to me to figure out how to make time in their life for pleasure and how they can squeeze in their sex life into their day. But what if instead of trying to fit it into our lives, we made sex and pleasure the goal to begin with?

Topics in this episode

The socialization of hustle culture
The expectation and glorification of doing it all
Why we feel compelled to take on extra burdens and tasks
The cost of doing it all, and how that impacts our pleasure
Sex and pleasure aren’t things to wait for

It has been my absolute pleasure to share this with you today. I hope this episode has given you food for thought about what it would look like for you to really flip the narrative and focus on pleasure, and letting that be the focus that supports everything else around you.

Ep. 80: Creating Momentum Oct 15, 2020

Show notes

I talk to a lot of women every week, and one of the main things I hear is the idea that they don’t know where to get started. When you think about taking on your sex life and creating the result of having a pleasurable sex life, it can totally feel overwhelming. This feeling of overwhelm causes our brains to shut down, and we don’t even know where or how to get started. In this episode, I share with you the tools to break down this huge undertaking and walk you through step-by-step with specific examples of how you can create momentum and become a turned-on woman.

Topics in this episode

The indicators that your sex life may not be creating the result of you being a turned-on woman
What causes us to shut down
Pause and examine the elements
Have a vision and know what you’re going towards
Understanding that pleasure is possible for you
Previous episode, 6 Skills Needed for Better Sex: https://daniellesavory.com/77-6-skills-needed-for-better-sex/
The difference between: “What can I do to make my sex life better?” And, “What actionable step can I take in this one area?”

It has been my absolute pleasure sharing this with you today. I hope this episode helps you find more pleasure. When you’re looking at everything as being this one huge overwhelming problem to be solved, your brain and your body wil shut down. Give yourself the gift of being a project manager. Break it down into one chunk, and break that down into a smaller size until you get down to a bite-size piece of one specific thing you can focus on tonight to move your sex life forward. Over time, the more that we work on one thought, behavior, or action, the more it will compound and create the result of you becoming a pleasured woman.

Ep. 79: Resisting Sex Oct 08, 2020

Show notes

I was talking with a woman the other day and she told me she has had an amazing sex life before. She has felt sexually alive in her body. She also told me that for a variety of reasons, she just doesn’t feel like that person anymore. She feels disconnected from her past-self, but she knows that it can be better again. This conversation is an example of what I’m calling the “pedestal effect”, putting a past version or a future version of yourself, and what is possible for you, on a pedestal. In this episode, I share with you why this can be a problem, and how to look at your current state and the current level of happiness with your sex life with love and appreciation, and why that is so important to taking it to the next level.

Topics in this episode

When we put others, or other verions of ourselves, on a pedestal, we automatically see ourselves as less-than
How you’re inadvertently rejecting yourself right now
Allowing yourself to look into the future with curiosity and possibility
We can’t change reality by being frustrated with it
When you think about your frustrations with your sexuality, how does it feel in your body?
Coming to a place that what you have right now is good enough
Being excited about the future of where you can go in your sex life

As always, it has been my absolute pleasure to share this with you today. I love sharing this reflection about when we’re comparing ourselves to our past or our future, and how to step into not really seeing ourselves as less-than, or rejecting who you are right now, but truly finding acceptance and love, so that you can lean more into pleasure and really grow from this place.

Ep. 78: Sex Life on a Pedestal Sep 24, 2020

Show notes

Topics in this episode

When we put others, or other verions of ourselves, on a pedestal, we automatically see ourselves as less-than
How you’re inadvertently rejecting yourself right now
Allowing yourself to look into the future with curiosity and possibility
We can’t change reality by being frustrated with it
When you think about your frustrations with your sexuality, how does it feel in your body?
Coming to a place that what you have right now is good enough
Being excited about the future of where you can go in your sex life

Ep. 77: 6 Skills Needed For Better Sex Sep 10, 2020

Show notes

In this episode, I wanted to share with you the six skills to practice for better sex. This is the foundation for the work I do with my clients, and they are the key to unlocking pleasure, pleasurable sex, and for being a pleasured woman. With these skills, you will be able to connect with your body, give yourself grace, and make incremental changes so that over time, your sex, and your life, keeps getting better and better.

These skills are part of the foundational work we do in my group coaching experience, Better Sex in 90 Days, starting September 17th. If you’re on the fence at all, I encourage you to fill out an application and hop on the phone with me. This work changes your life. This isn’t to be waited on as something to do later. The longer we wait to make this a priority and don’t work on practicing these skills, is time that we are just letting life happen to us.

Topics in this episode

The 6 Skills to Practice for Better Sex
- 1. You have to believe in pleasure in general, and sexual pleasure
- 2. Practice having a playful presence.
- 3. Focus the brain
- 4. Develop sensual awareness
- 5. Processing emotions
- 6. Sex assessments
If you don’t believe that pleasure is possible, you’re cutting yourself off from being able to access it
Passion versus arousal
Emotions as physical sensations
Processing versus indulging your emotions

As always it’s been my absolute pleasure being with you, and I hope that you’ll take these skills and practice them, either on your own or with us in Better Sex in 90 Days. There’s nowhere in these skills that relate to spicing things up. I don’t talk about new positions, toys, or finding your G-spot, because none of that stuff really matters unless all these other skills are practiced and worked on. These are the foundational skills that are needed for pleasurable sex, and with these skills, you’ll be able to create a better connection and a pleasurable sex life.

Ep. 76: It's Not Them, It's You Aug 28, 2020

Show notes

A common misconception that the reason we’re not having orgasmic sex is because of our partner, or our children, or something else that is standing in the way. So many women truly feel that if things were different in their relationships, then they would be able to have better sex and it would be more attainable for them. In this episode, I explore some of these excuses and share with you why it’s not them, it’s you, and that instead of feeling guilt or shame, this is a powerful step in taking back control of your sexuality. We have to reprogram our brains on how it comes to thinking about your partner, yourself, and your sex life, in order to create the environment for pleasure, and that is what empowerment is all about.

This is the exact work I do with my clients all of the time, because it’s about creating a process and a skill set so that you are changing who you are being as a woman. You become a turned-on woman. You become an orgasmic woman. You become a woman who actually wants sex more. This is possible for you too. To be a part of my group coaching experience, Better Sex in 90 Days, go to: https://daniellesavory.com/group

Topics in this episode

Masterclass, The Orgasmic Sex Playbook: https://better-sex-in-90-days-with-danielle-savory.mykajabi.com/Orgasmic-Sex-Playbook
The partner problem
The excuses, that aren’t actually the problem
Even if all of that stuff changed, it doesn’t mean that who you are as a woman has changed
The brain will find something else to think about so that it still feels pressure and shame when it comes to sex
Looking at the emotions that come up around sex
You have the power to change you.
It’s super easy to blame somebody else. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t make you feel in control

As always it’s been my absolute pleasure to be with you today. I can’t wait for you to start seeing the shifts of where you’re blaming your partner, and instead, taking on the responsibility that this is actually about you. You have the ability to become a turned-on woman. It is the most empowering and freeing thing that you can believe about your sex life.

Ep. 75: Truth Bombs About Who Benefits Aug 20, 2020

Show notes

I recently wrapped up the first of my group coaching programs, Better Sex in 90 Days, and I want to start this episode by sharing feedback from one of the participants who said that she embarked on this journey because she saw how important it was for her husband. Now, after completing the program, she says that it is her favorite gift she’s ever given to herself. In the beginning, she was curious to see if sex was something that she could enjoy, not just something that was for her husband. Through this coaching, she now thinks about sex more often and learned that she actually likes sex a lot.

Which is what leads us to the topic of this episode. I hear from many women that they want to pursue coaching and investing in their sexuality because it will benefit their husbands or partners. The motivation for these women is that this investment is a good idea, simply because it will benefit the people around them, without really thinking about themselves. Listeners, I want to share with you that while of course, this kind of work can have a positive ripple effect on those around you, you should pursue this simply for your own pleasure. You are reason enough.

Topics in this episode

We see sex for the husband and partner, rather than the possibility of it being pleasurable for ourselves
Our sexuality and sensuality can be for the benefit of us
We aren’t simply objects of desire.
How might you be seeing your pleasure as a way to benefit him, to benefit your partner, rather than something for you?
The deep transformation of saying yes to you

As always, it’s been my absolute pleasure to explain to you why your pleasure is enough of a reason. Really think about how you are using the idea of benefiting others for motivation to drive your sexual journey, and how powerful of a shift of your mind it can be when you simply say, “I’m going to benefit, and that’s a good enough reason”.
Enrollment is open for the next cohort of the group coaching, Better Sex in 90 Days. To learn more and to apply, go to https://daniellesavory.com/group/