Hand in Hand Parenting: The Podcast

Latest Episodes:

The Most Important Question To Ask When Your Child's Behavior Gets Hard Feb 26, 2019

Show notes

Did you ever think you got this parenting thing figured out only to find your child brings home some new parenting challenge?

Maybe they start shouting potty words at you, seemingly from nowhere?
Maybe they start throwing punches when normally they'd been fairly calm?
Or maybe things simple things that you ask them do suddenly brings on meltdowns, where before they'd do it without a struggle?

Where did the child you thought you knew so well go to?

In the quest to find solutions to this sudden new and disagreeable behavior, you head to friends to compare notes, you hit Google for answers, or you even seek the services of a professional.

After all, you want those words to stop, that aggression to fade, that resistance to disappear.

But what if you started with "Why?"

Why is your child so fascinated with hurtful words right now? Why does he or she have so much tension the only thing that angry words or angry actions seem to have become a default reaction? Why is having to hang a schoolbag so difficult now when just a few months ago it was a no-brainer?

Why?

This week Abigail and Elle respond to a mom who found surprising answers when she stopped asking her four-year-old to quit yelling and instead asked herself why the yelling was happening at all.

We highlight the gorgeous ways this mom used the Hand in Hand Parenting tools to delve deeper, and the beautiful way her daughter opened up and let her mom support her through what turned out to be some very difficult moments in her school life.

Listen to "Why?" is Your Most Important Question When Kids' Behavior Gets Hard and learn how to ask why effectively when you want to bring change.

For daily support from instructors, plus regular Q&A call-ins with them and our founder Patty Wipfler, try the Parent Club free for 30 days.

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We'd love to hear about your parenting challenges. You can follow Hand in Hand on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram. Be sure to drop Elle and Abigail a message at podcast@handinhandparenting.org

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Why is it so Hard to Hear your Child Say "I Hate You!" Feb 19, 2019

Show notes

Three little words with such immense power. Following on from last week's podcast on children with anger, this week Elle and Abigail suss out why it feels so bad to hear "I hate you," and the many ways you can respond.

Elle talks about the different reasons she hears "I hate you," both in anger and as connection bids, and Abigail shares why she thinks they hardly ever hear "I hate you," in her house.

We also talk about times we can respond playfully, and times we can set limits on hearing those words, and times when "I hate you," is not aimed at you but is instead thrust at a sibling.

If you've felt threatened, upset or confused about the times your child has said "I hate you," you'll want to listen into this episode.

More Resources for When Your Child Says "I Hate You."

Both these articles share where bad words come from and how to manage them in your house: Bad Words from Good Kids and When Kids Words Hurt

And we love how Hand in Hand Instructor Irina thinks and responds when her child calls her mean mom.

Contact Abigail Wald about her upcoming 5-Month Transformation session

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Why is my Child So Angry? Feb 12, 2019

Show notes

This week Abigail and Elle respond to a mom who is Staylistening to her child, but never sees tears. Worse, it seems to her that the more she leans in to listen to her child's feelings, the more her child gets angry, starts scowling and tries running away. How can she listen to anger?

So, this week we're asking if Staylistening should always result in a cry, and if not, what can we do? Why we as parents find it so hard to listen to a child's anger, and how can we trust them to do as they need with their feelings.

Join us this week if you've ever felt like you've "failed" at Staylistening, or it doesn't look in your house how you expected or thought it would - we have soothing news for you.

Get More Resources for Parenting an Angry Child

Sometimes all an angry child needs if for you to listen. Read Getting from Angry to Happy in 20 Minutes or Less

Listen to this next - we talk more about Staylistening in this podcast: When Staylistening Doesn't Go As Planned

Get the e-book Reaching For Your Angry Child

Here's a free cheatsheet about everything we covered today around Staylistening. You can download it here.

Get community, get support, get listening partnerships, everyday – in The Parent Club. Try it free for 30 days.

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Elle and Abigail Meet For the First Time and Talk About Why Parents Deserve a Village! Jan 29, 2019

Show notes

This week Elle and Abigail finally meet face-to-face! No wonder they felt inspired to make this podcast.

"It takes a village," so the old proverb says, and anyone who tunes into our podcast for parents often knows that this is all too true. In fact, it's the reason we made the podcast - to share a weekly space for parents so you don't feel alone.

And, as we meet this first time, we also realise the value in coming together week after week to share, to listen and laugh, to comfort and cry as we make the episodes.

And we want the same for you... Where's Your Village? So many of our reviews about the podcast say the episodes help parents feel part of something bigger - and we want that for you not just once a week, but every day and at any time you need it! Your village doesn't even have to be close physically - we're living proof of that! When you have a village, you have a guide, a force, and a strength behind you as you face your parenting challenges - and we've learnt this year that having that makes them so much easier to overcome. We're asking you to think about who else you want in your village? It's time to reach for your people! Reach for your support, because parenting shouldn't be a solo sport. Listen in today and find out why you need to build that village for yourself, and how you can do it. More Resources About Building A Parenting Village

There are so many ways to reach out and get the support you need within Hand in Hand Parenting. If you haven't already, join one of our facebook groups: Parent Support Group or if your child is 10 and over Parenting By Connection for Older Children.

If you have read our book Listen and want to connect with other like-minded parents, consider a Listen Book Club.

For daily support from instructors, plus regular Q&A call-ins with them and our founder Patty Wipfler, try the Parent Club free for 30 days.

For a deep dive into the tools, and an introduction to Listening Partnerships, with small groups of parents, take our 6-week Starter Class. And you can find all of our talks and classes here.

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How to Get a Child to Eat When They Refuse Jan 28, 2019

Show notes

This week, Abigail and Elle respond to a listener who has a 5-year-old picky eater. How can she get her to eat more than a few reliable meals?

Elle talks about her own process parenting her picky eater, including how she discovered that a good, workable solution was as much about her as it was her child.

And Abigail shares the varied healthy diets her sons sampled (endured!) following their early health scares, and the tips and tools she used to get them on side.

On this episode, we talk about the many things you can try with your picky eater, including:

Play - how it can help at the table and completely away from dinner

Choices - What, how and when to eat, and variations you might consider

Getting cries out ahead of the dinner table

Deciphering the actual issues

Why it's useful to evaluate your own expectations and eating philosophies as you work with your picky eater

Finding peace with your picky eater!

Picky eating can be incredibly stressful and frustrating, even for the most peaceful parent! Listen to How to Get a Child to Eat When They Refuse a create a workable plan for you and your little one.

More Resources for Dinner Times and Picky Eaters

20 Playful Ways to Help Picky Eaters is a fantastic resource if you can be playful around food.

Making connection as high a priority as your meal plan can help ease dinnertime battles. Read why and how in Are You Missing This One Vital Ingredient To Stop Dinnertime Battles

Get your free guide to partnering with your child around food

Get community, get support, get listening partnerships, everyday – in The Parent Club. Try it free for 30 days.

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Get weekly tips, ideas, and inspiration for your parenting in our Newsletter

Parenting Tweens: Staying Close As Your Child Gets Older Jan 22, 2019

Show notes

Does it seem like one minute you were waiting for your baby to take its first steps, and now you are watching him or her as a tween march out the door, bursting with independence? Worries about tantrums and them sleeping through the night long ago given way to conversations (and concern) over mobile phones and curfews?

As your child enters the pre-teen stage now known as "tween," you'll notice many other changes, not least their signals your child uses to show you they need you (and they still do!).

This week Abigail and Elle talk about what they've seen with their own tween children, and the adjustments they made parenting them using the Hand in Hand Parenting tools.

Elle talks about why she had to give up the words "special time," without actually giving up on special time, and Abigail shares the agreement she has with his son as they work towards him getting his own phone.

Listen in this week and find out why it can be so hard parenting tweens when the boundaries keep changing, and why getting on their wavelength now helps foster connection that will last through their teens.

Join us this week for Parenting Tweens: Keeping Close to Your Older Child

More Resources for Parenting Your Tween:

If you thought tantrums were done in the tween years, you're wrong - they may just look a little different. This podcast is all about Tweens and Their Tantrums

Help for when your tween is angry - Read A Playful Response to My Angry Tween

You still have a few days to pre-register for our new online class for parents of tweens, led by Patty Wipfler. Get information about the class content, and a special discount now.

Click to get more information on our newest class

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Are You Headed for Parent Burnout? Jan 15, 2019

Show notes

Have you ever asked yourself where the fun parent went? The parent you that says yes to play-dough tea-parties, the parent you that says yes to piggy-back races and then suggests races to the dinner table?

If you have, you probably also have many different responses. You left that fun parent under the washing and work pile. You packed her away in your laptop when you went back to work. You lost him under a mountain of unpaid bills and worries. He got muddled in with the recipes you labor over that get returned complained about and uneaten.

And still your kids ask for more. More time, more attention, more fun, more play. And. It. Just. Feels. Like. You. Can't.

So the next time they yell. You yell. And you rage. And rail. And cry.

This week on the podcast we're looking at that line we all meet as parents and wish we never had to: The Breaking Point.

We look at why parents - especially moms - have their limits overstepped so often, and how we contribute to it, and why having our limits overstepped too much leads us to rage, confusion, isolation and, finally, parent burnout.

How can you listen to yourself and the signals that show you're on the road to parent burnout?

How can you give as much as you need to, get your own limits met and make them sacred so that you can get back to being the fun, parent enthusiastic parent you want to be?

Join us on the podcast this week, and find out how to stop feeling heavy about all you do in parenting, and start celebrating everything you give, not because you have to, but because you choose to love - every day and beyond measure - the little humans you are raising.

Listen to Are You Headed Towards Parent Burnout?

More resources to help with Parenting Stress and Burnout

Already at Breaking Point? Join Abigail's Intensive and rediscover how to choose love and love parenting. Contact her at abigail@realtimeparenting.com

Understanding Parenting Stress - you just can't give what you didn't have.

Reduce Parenting Stress: Why do we put off Listening Time? Don't! Listening Partnerships are gold.

Get community, get support, get listening partnerships, everyday - in The Parent Club. Try it free for 30 days.

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Get weekly tips, ideas, and inspiration for your parenting in our Newsletter

Parenting in Public: How To Stick To Your Parenting Philosophy and Parent with Confidence When Others are Watching Jan 08, 2019

Show notes

Do you feel awkward or anxious about your parenting when others are around?

Do you find yourself coming down more heavily on your kids when you are out in public?

Or do you find your yourself wanting to set a limit but not being able to?

Are you stuck when your child meltdowns while other parents are watching, or feel uncertain what others think about your parenting style?

In this week's podcast, we respond to a parent's question about social anxiety when parenting in public. We talk about how to stick to your parenting philosophies, even when others are watching, and what we need to do to parent calmly, consistently and confidently when out in public.

We talk about various ways to respond well for days you are feeling brave and empowered, as well as days you want to crawl under a rock.

Get ways to feel lighter around parenting in public, resist feeling judged, and focus on what's happening with you and your child, not the parents watching.

We also share one practical strategy that helps you connect to a child who is melting down in public.

Listen to this week's podcast, Parenting in Public: How To Stick To Your Parenting Philosophy and Parent with Confidence When Others are Watching.

You'll stop worrying about what others think while actively showing them that a kinder way to parent is possible

More Resources for Parenting in Public:

This is the post that Elle mentions and has some excellent responses and actions you can take when you feel the heat of judgment. 5 strategies to help when you feel judged on your "softer" parenting style

And this is a nice one when your kids meltdown in public. Helping children with tantrums and emotional moments in public

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Get weekly tips, ideas, and inspiration for your parenting in our Newsletter

Got a Tween?

Does it feel like they are changing? Growing in new independence, new attitudes. Do you feel left behind? Pushed away? Even if your tween doesn't show you they want you close, they do. And it's vital for their development. Learn how to keep close now your child is getting older. Our new class Staying Close to Your Tween will show you how to navigate your changing relationship, respond to the moodiness and outrage, keep close. Find out when the class launches and how you can be a part of it.

Why Your Best New Year's Resolution Could Be "No Resolutions"... Jan 01, 2019

Show notes

Why are we always compelled to start a new year with a list of resolutions that even a saint would be hard-pressed to keep up with? If there's one thing every good parent is good at, it's over-extending! We're all about the #parentgoals!

We are so happy to be starting the new year with you, our beautiful, caring community of parents. We know that you being here each week with us is because you are always striving to be doing better by your kids, in your parenting, in your communities.

That's not a New Year's flight of fancy, that's a constant, and that's amazing.

And while we think there's nothing wrong with new year's resolutions, creating new habits, bettering ourselves or developing new skills, we also see the pressure in that. Lots of pressure to do more, generate more, be more.

So, how about we DON'T make New Year's resolutions? Instead, why don't we do something equally as mindful, equally as transformative, and, some might say, just a little bit easier?

We're not talking self-care, more self-preservation. Because let's face it, we already have PLENTY on our plates.

Join us this week on the podcast for an uplifting new take on New Year's resolutions, and start 2019 a little less stressed and a lot more supported.

Listen to Why Your Best New Year's Resolution Could Be "No Resolutions"...

More Resources about Parenting And Resolutions

If you really have your heart set on making some new resolutions this year (go mama, go papa) you might enjoy last year's New Year's podcast - the one Elle mention's this week: Making Changes: New Year's Resolutions That Actually Succeed

If commitment is something you are working on in your family, this post will help: How to Help Your Child Keep Commitments

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Get weekly tips, ideas, and inspiration for your parenting in our Newsletter

The Parent Club is our monthly membership where we really put the Hand in Hand Tools to work with our families. Click here to learn more and get the support you need and deserve.

Too Many Toys?!! Dec 19, 2018

Show notes

What goes hand in hand with holiday gifting? Toys and more toys.

This week we're asking how you feel about toys, what decisions you make around holiday request lists, and how you can keep them in check, plus why we can all expect some meltdowns over toys in the holidays.

On the episode, you'll hear about:

Overwhelm - theirs and yours - and what you can do to overcome it
Envies and jealousies
Getting clear on what toys mean to you and why
Expectations and appreciations: Why your child might find it hard to say thanks
Making room, clearing out, cutting down, and giving to others

If you've ever felt overwhelmed on how much to give or how much is coming into your house at this time of year, here's a chance to mull over what you love - and might want to lose - about seasonal giving traditions.

Listen to Too Many Toys? More Resources about Kids, Limits and Toys

Read - Toys often cause big feelings for kids - especially when they can't have something they want, or feel like they chose the wrong plaything. Here's how one mom's trip to the store with her son ended in tears, and some positive steps she learned following.
Watch - Hand in Hand instructor Anna Cole reads about the time her son got violent in public when she refused to buy him what he asked for, and the strategies she used to handle his outburst calmly.
40% off Listen - Get over 100 real stories like Anna's of parents using the Hand in Hand approach to parenting in our book Listen: Five Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. When you use "holiday2018" at checkout you'll get the e-book at 40% off. Show me how to get Listen on sale. (Offer good until December 31).

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