Hand in Hand Parenting: The Podcast

Latest Episodes:

My Child is Hitting: Parenting The Problem, Not the Punch Dec 12, 2018

Show notes

What should I do when my child hits?

It's one of the most common questions we get at Hand in Hand Parenting, and it's the content of this week's podcast. And no wonder. Hitting can feel dangerous. Offensive. Confusing.

But if hitting is so common, why are we all still wondering what to do about it?

There's so much differing advice!

What Are Children Really Saying When They Hit?

Abigail talks about all the quick-tip strategies out there and why they might work at first but why so often they fail in the long-term.

We look at what children might be communicating through hitting, whether it's a (somewhat misguided) attempt at play or as an expression as deep-rooted fear, and Elle admits completely misreading some of her child's hitting behaviors.

Understanding Hitting and other Defiant Behavior

And although we don't encourage hitting, we talk about why parenting the punch itself doesn't actually ease the problem but instead pushes the feelings causing a child to hit to one side. They may disappear for now, but they (and the hitting) will soon be back again.

So, we talk about what parenting the problem and not the punch actually means:

Get wise to why your child hits and how to respond accordingly
How to keep protected and still lean into the hitting
How hitting can offer room for growth and connection as you partner with your child and move past hitting

Listen to Hitting: Parent the Problem, Not The Punch and learn to set limits around hitting and respond in the way your child really needs you to. Because if you truly want to solve your child's hitting, you have to do the least obvious thing first - accept it.

More Resources For Parenting When Your Child Hits

Elle mentioned the post When Your Toddler Hits You in this episode. Read it to discover more about this new perspective around hitting.

We did a podcast with play expert Lawrence Cohen on aggressive play, how to manage it so that it helps reduce a child's aggressive behaviors. Listen to it here.

Learn how to lean into the first stages of aggression with a vigorous snuggle.

You might also like this article on partnering with your child which is what we are really talking about in this podcast,

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We'd love to hear about your parenting challenges. You can follow Hand in Hand on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram. Be sure to drop Elle and Abigail a message at podcast@handinhandparenting.org

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Your Blueprint for Building Better Habits and Good Behavior Dec 04, 2018

Show notes

So, you want your kids to walk in the door, hang their jacket, unpack their bags, eat quickly and get back out the door, freshly changed, for practice.

But right now you are at, well, walk in the door.

BOOM! Cue screaming, crying, defiance and running in the exact opposite direction that you'd like.

So how do you get from where you are now, to where you want to be with your kids?

This week's podcast was inspired by a mom that worked with Abigail and feels like she can't get her child to do ANYTHING.

Elle sympathizes, explaining that there has been a serious lack of 'tidy up practice' at home that can, at times, have her pulling her hair out.

Your Blueprint for Building Better Habits and Good Behavior

Together we talk about why things might be hard, and the steps we can take to encourage good behavior and better habits in our kids - without losing it.

It can be really difficult to meet your child where they are, but these moments of struggle to master new habits can offer great opportunities to connect with your child at a deep level and bring about profound shifts.

Why Building Better Habits Is An Opportunity to Deepen the Relationship Discover key ideas that you can start doing right now to encourage better habits and behavior - and why you shouldn't expect too much too soon.

Listen to Your Blueprint for Better Habits and Good Behavior, and please let us know how you like these ideas.

More Resources for Encouraging Good Behavior and Better Habits

Learn what it means to partner with your child: In this week's podcast, we talk a lot about meeting your child where they are before moving on. You can read more about this in this post Partnering with Your Child To Solve Their Issues and read one mom's story of how this worked for her.

Work with Abigail Wald: Abigail can show you how to meet your child where they are, and respond in a way that builds connection and closeness in her 30-Day Reset. Sign up to join before her new reset fills.

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The Parent Club is our monthly membership where we really put the Hand in Hand Tools to work with our families. Click here to learn more and get the support you need and deserve.

A Love Letter to Parents Nov 27, 2018

Show notes

If you were to see a job description for a role where non-stop, around-the-clock care was compulsory, and there was no training and no overtime, would you take it?

Probably not!

Yet, it's what we all sign up for when we become parents.

Hand in Hand Parenting exists to support parents in this crazy difficult role, and it's why we make this podcast each week! We love love love you parents for showing up here, united in your care and devotion to raising your kids the best you can. What an amazing community!

And so, this week, Abigail and Elle wanted to celebrate your role as parents and all you do that is seen and unseen. Take this as an inspirational message for parents everywhere.

If you are in need of support, nurturing and community, welcome. Listen to A Love Letter to Parents now and take a minute to pause, reflect and love yourself a little.

Share Our Love Letter To Parents

Please share this inspirational message for parents with those you might know who would like and value the support of our beautiful community. You are the parents who will #changeparenting for the next generation, making it a more supported and understood role.

More Resources To Support Your Role as A Parent

"The way that we relate to children, on the whole, is the most powerful engine for what changes the future," says psychologist Robin Grille, in this stirring interview with Hand in Hand's Roma Norriss. Watch Parents Are the Most Powerful Activists There Are

Hand in Hand Parenting helps parents stop yelling and start connecting. Read how in How Hand in Hand Scholarships Help Parents Stop Yelling and Start Playing

What causes parents to feel isolated, stressed, and overwhelmed? Get Five Revolutionary Tools that will help you relax and enjoy your parenting more. Sign up for your free guide now.

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Get weekly tips, ideas, and inspiration for your parenting in our Newsletter

A Surprisingly Simple Tool You Can Use to Deal With Difficult Family Members Nov 13, 2018

Show notes

The holiday season is rolling around fast. Whether it's Thanksgiving, Hanukkah, Christmas, or New Years these festive times exist to bring family together.

And while the holidays can be fun and merry events, for many of us they bring added stress to the package, and dealing with difficult family members can feel disagreeable at best, disruptive at worst.

Like...

...you can't stand the way your mom nags and picks.

...she can't stand the way your kids won't eat their greens.

...you find your dad's way of dealing with your children too harsh.

...he finds the way you deal with your kids too soft.

...Grandpa wants the kids to quieten down

...Grandma wants grandpa to quieten down - and doesn't hold back saying it.

Even families with the most well-meaning of intentions find that coming together requires extra thought, love and patience...and at this busy time of year, where do you get that?

So how can you enjoy your 'time off' around difficult family members?

Discover a Simple Tool That Can Help

What if we told you there was one simple thing you could do to ease the tension, melt the stress and invoke a warmer, lighter atmosphere?

Listen to the podcast today, and we'll show you how changing the way we respond to the triggering behaviors that family dish out will bring transformations sweeter than even the best pumpkin pie.

When you respond this way, you'll forgive more, appreciate more, you'll laugh more, and love more - and actually enjoy holidays with your family. We all deserve that.

Listen to Dealing With Difficult Family Members now

More Resources for Keeping Sane Through Holiday Season

It's virtually impossible to hold space for your kids and your family without someone doing the same for you.

Listen to a Listening Partnership happen in real time: Abigail and Elle talk about the power of the Listening Partnerships and give a demonstration of how to do it in this podcast.

Questions For Bringing Change and Healing Family Tension: Use these great questions to see how you can shift reactions and try-on new responses to avoid falling into usual patterns around family. Read Questions To Heal Family Tensions

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Get weekly tips, ideas, and inspiration for your parenting in our Newsletter

Reframing Your Past Could Be The Key To More Confident and Content Parenting Nov 06, 2018

Show notes

Psychologist and parenting expert Ross Greene coined quite the term when he said that "Kids do well when they can," but isn't exactly the same true of parents?

Reframing your past could be the key to getting there, and becoming a more confident, calm and content parent.

Why?

It's highly unlikely that any of us here set out to be terrible parents, so why do we often end up feeling that way?

This week, Abigail and Elle are looking at trauma and the ways that past traumatic experiences can reverberate in our parenting. Elle asks what exactly trauma is, and we look into identifying trauma and its after-effects.

Past trauma can stall us in our belief and ability to parent consciously, but reframing these experiences can help us heal well and move on. Abigail shares a deeply moving account of her pregnancy trauma and how reframing her devastation transformed it into something positive and warm. Much of this came down to the tools she used after discovering Hand in Hand Parenting.

Listen this week and find out how the Hand in Hand tools can help you retell your trauma story, heal and move on.

Listen to Reframing Your Past Could Be The Key To More Content Parenting.

More Resources on How Hand in Hand can Help Parents and Children Recover from Trauma

This article on Re-writing Your Trauma Story is the one Abigail refers to in the podcast and shares the steps she used to retell her story. We hope that this is useful for you too.

You'll find more ideas about the brain's ability to heal thanks to neuroplasticity and more ideas about using the tools to move on from toxic stress

And in Can Hand in Hand Heal Complex Trauma you can read how the tools help children through traumatic experiences

Watch Ross Greene talking about how kids do well when they can in this video

Get updates on everything Hand in Hand! Sign up for our newsletter and get a free copy of our Tantrums and Indignation eBook

5 Myths About Kids and Sleep Debunked Oct 29, 2018

Show notes

Sleep. It's up there with eating and tantrums as a stress-causing subject for parents. And isn't there just so many ideas, action plans and tools for change online or offered by well-meaning grandparents, caregivers, friends? We bet you could even ask your pizza delivery guy and he'd even share his opinion about how parents should go about getting their kids to sleep.

Wow! That's a lot of pressure to Get. Things. Right. And a lot of room to feel like you've gotten everything wrong. To really feel like a failure.

And if there's one thing we do know it's that pressure and fear of failure does not make for peaceful parenting or a happy bedtime.

And you shouldn't have to feel like that anyways.

Why We Wanted to Share Five Myths About Kids and Sleep

So - we wanted to take a minute this week to share five sleep myths that seem to do the rounds at parent clubs and playdates - and seem to really rattle parents. Once these five myths are debunked, we can get back to our families and developing a plan that really works. Call it your own, bespoke, family sleep plan.

Listen in to hear five myths about kids and sleep - and why they need debunking right now.

And please let us know if you have any other myths - about sleep or other parenting challenges - that need debunking!

More Resources for solving kids sleep issues

Does your child fight sleep? This post suggests one question you can ask to help a child sleep better

Fear often sits at the heart of why a child can't sleep. For ways to support your child to sleep confidence, read these Gentle Ways To Get a Child To Sleep

Find out what stops kids sleeping, how to set limits around sleep and how to build your child's sleep confidence. Learn more about Hand in Hand Parenting's Helping Your Children Sleep, online class

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Get updates on everything Hand in Hand! Sign up for our newsletter and get a free copy of our Tantrums and Indignation eBook

Reprise: The Great Halloween Candy Fight Oct 21, 2018

Show notes

To celebrate the year since the Hand in Hand Parenting podcast launched - and the treat it's been connecting with a quarter of a million parents all over the globe - Abigail and Elle ring in their one year anniversary with a reprisal of their first episode - handling the Halloween horrors.

That's right - from costume fears and trick or treat overwhelm to sugar highs and candy battles, this episode covers handling the behavioral bumps on Halloween night.

Abigail shares what happens to a child's brain when they are melting down, and how to respond to children in a way that supports their emotional development. She introduces two parenting tools called Staylistening and Playlistening that help parents avoid having to yell, bribe or take sides, and allows for a peaceful resolution.

Whether this is your first time listening, or you were with us that first time around - we hope you enjoy this episode on handling bumpy behaviors on Halloween.

Why not write in and let us know at podcast@handinhandparenting.org

More Resources for Halloween

Elle mentions two additional resources in the show:

For kids that are scared or fearful: How to Help Kids Face Their Fears with Play
For help setting limits on candy: Loving the Candy (Setting Limits at Halloween)

And you can get a free guide here on Surviving Sibling Rivalry – Every parent with more than one child needs this!

Listen to The Great Halloween Candy Fight now

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For more parenting tips and tricks inline with kids' emotional needs sign up to the Hand in Hand Newsletter. You can follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, and Instagram

You can contact Abigail Wald for parenting courses and consultations at realtimeparenting.com

Two Ways To Conquer Separation Anxiety Oct 16, 2018

Show notes

Changes in routine or surroundings often trigger separation anxiety, and as parents, we often see it play out at daycare or school drop-off. And it's really no secret why. We rush to get out on time, we have our never-ending running to-do list chattering, and on top of that we see other children run off happily to meet friends while our own tearful child clings to our legs crying, and all in front of the teacher.

No wonder Elle says that even the words "separation anxiety" have her breaking out in a cold sweat.

It's also the reason we wanted to make Separation Anxiety our focus on the podcast this week. Abigail and Elle explore how to use Hand in Hand's Parenting tools to ease separation stress. And we talk about two tools that have had helped bring profound changes for kids with fears about separation.

Listen to Two Ways To Conquer Separation Anxiety and get support for when:

Your child clings to you when it's time to leave and frequently resists new things
You are confused what to when separation anxiety hits
You are losing patience with the crying
You've ever had a hard time saying goodbye to your own child

Number 4 is crucial to understanding how separation feels for you and why that might be - as Elle recently discovered.

We'll also be talking about the not so obvious ways that the stress of separation and fear can show up in other areas.

Listen in now, for some immediately actionable tools you can use to conquer separation anxiety in your family today.

More Resources for Conquering Separation Anxiety

This article can be used to lighten the tension of separation anxiety 20 Playful Ways To Heal Separation Anxiety

If you want to learn concrete tools to address anxiety, stop the behavior, and strengthen your child's relationship this class will help - Say Goodbye to Separation Anxiety

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Lying: Why Children Lie And Ways to Respond Oct 09, 2018

Show notes

Have you ever?

Watched as your child did something and then immediately blame someone else?
Heard, "I have no homework," from your child and then discovered it stuffed at the bottom of her school bag?
Had a parent come to you and congratulate you on your new car / your child's new triumph in soccer or trombone / or to wish you well on an upcoming trip - none of which you know anything about?

This week on the podcast Abigail and Elle are looking at the lies our kids tell and why.

And we discuss practical strategies you can use when you discover your child in a lie - that don't rely on punishment.

Join us this week on the podcast and discover:

Why lies are so commonly misunderstood
Asking and answering the question: Should I ignore lying or insist on the truth or something in between
Ways to help a child that lies without using punishment
How to find lightness in the lies

Listen now to Children Lying: Why Children Lie And Ways to Respond

more resources about children and lying

This in-depth article talks about the different lies children tell and what they can mean with advice on how to help a child who lies to you. Read When Children Lie

This mom responded calmly despite her alarm when she found her son had lied about money in Helping My Son With Lying

Get this eBook How Children's Emotions Work to find out how lying can be a call for extra connection

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Why are we parents so scared of disappointing our kids? Oct 02, 2018

Show notes

Are you shy of disappointing your kids?

Over the last few episodes, Abigail and Elle have been decoding emotional projects - in part one we looked at noticing behaviors which signal an emotional project, and in part two we spoke about when and how to work on an emotional project using the Hand in Hand tools.

Why it's OK to Disappoint Our Kids

For the last part in this series, we're taking a look at how disappointment is linked to the emotional project, why we, as parents, are so scared of disappointing our kids and why disappointment is both unavoidable and a totally acceptable part of parenting.

If you ever fund yourself torn about saying no to your child or have a hard time setting boundaries with them, listen in as we discuss the plus side of disappointing our kids, it's role in building resilience and - despite all the odds - closeness.

Listen to Why Are We Parents so Scared to Disappoint our Kids? and find out why when we disappoint our kids - and support them through it - we can impart some useful life lessons.

Find out:

Why parents will always disappoint their kids
How to reframe disappointment from a negative to a positive
How we can support kids as they feel disappointment

More Resources About Kids and Disappointment

This post demonstrates how Hand in Hand Instructor Anca Deaconu supported her son through a disappointment Handling Child Disappointments

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Wish Parenting was less stressful? Join Hand in Hand's Parent Club for support and community. Your own Parent Club with moderated forums, live call-ins and resources.

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