Grief Out Loud

Latest Episodes:

I Took A Year Off To Grieve - Rebecca Feinglos & GrieveLeave May 25, 2023

Show notes

What happens when you take a year away from your income generating work to focus completely on grief? This is the question Rebecca Feinglos faced at the end of 2021. Grief wasn't new to Rebecca. She was a teenager when her mother died of brain cancer. On the same day her state shut down due to the COVID pandemic, she got a call that her father had died suddenly. In the ensuing months, she ended her marriage. So, by the time she got to the end of 2021, she was exhausted and empty and unwell. It's common to wish the world would stop and give us a break when someone dies, but we usually dream of escaping from it all. Rebecca did something different - she took a year to delve fully into her grief and along the way she wrote about it on her blog. This experience inspired her to start her organization, GrieveLeave, a community to support others in learning to grieve all of their losses.

We discuss:

Growing up in the shadow of her mother's brain cancer
How Rebecca responded to grief as a teen and young adult
The sudden death of her father the same day the COVID-19 shutdown began
Rebecca's realization that she needed to do something different
What she discovered during her GrieveLeave about how to grieve
The daily practices Rebecca still does to stay connected to her grief
What she hopes to accomplish with GrieveLeave

Follow GrieveLeave on IG & Fbook.

There's No End Point - Sushi Tuesdays & Charlotte Maya May 16, 2023

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It's generally accepted that there's no official end point to grief, but what happens when there's also no end point to the questions about someone's death? Charlotte Maya's life changed drastically when she came home from a hike with her two young children to find two police officers and a priest at her house, waiting with news that her husband Sam had died by suicide. In those early days of grief Charlotte dealt with sadness, anger, confusion, and the endless tasks that come when someone dies. She also faced the question, "Why?" Why did Sam do what he did? What was he going through? Why didn't he ask for help? Almost 16 years later, Charlotte and her children have more understanding about suicide, but they've mostly had to accept that they'll never truly know the answer to a question that only Sam could answer.

Charlotte's new memoir, Sushi Tuesdays, chronicles the first few days, weeks, and years of grief and how she learned to take care of her children and herself in their grief.

We discuss:

The early days of grief
The shock of Sam dying of suicide
Searching for an answer to "Why?"
How anger was a part of grief
What Charlotte's two children needed in their grief
Falling in love again and blending a family
Learning to parent her stepsons who were also grieving
How Sushi Tuesdays, Charlotte's dedicated day for self-care came about

If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for help. You can call the National Crisis Line at 988 or text Hello to the Crisis Text Line at 741741.

It's Still Complicated Apr 28, 2023

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"What was your dad like?" It's a simple question that's not easy to answer when you had a complicated relationship with the person who died. Claire's dad died of a stroke almost four years ago and one of the first emotions she felt was relief. Relief that she wouldn't have to worry if he would want to walk her down the aisle when she got married. Relief she wouldn't have to wonder how he'd act in the future. She also felt deep grief and sadness about the relationship they never got to have. Claire's dad was brilliant. He loved music. He was extremely active. He was also emotionally abusive to Claire and her mom. This reality adds layers of complexity not just to her grief, but to navigating other people's assumptions about what their relationship was like.

We talk about:

Grieving when the relationship was complicated
Secondary grief & remorse
Forgiving herself & trying to better understand her dad
Continuing to work on their relationship, even after his death
Finding ways to stay connected to her dad
Planning a wedding and balancing how to honor his memory

Laurel Braitman Learns To Feel Her Feelings - What Looks Like Bravery Apr 14, 2023

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When her father died of cancer, a few days before her 18th birthday, Laurel Braitman started running. Running towards the academic and professional accomplishments her father pushed her to achieve and running away from the intense shame and guilt she carried about their last conversation. It wasn't until her 30's that Laurel stopped running long enough to face her greatest fear: feeling her feelings.

Laurel's newest book, What Looks Like Bravery: An epic journey through loss to love, chronicles her quest to connect with grief and how it led to the biggest adventure of all - opening up to love.

In our conversation we delve into:

Growing up with her father's illness and the threat of him dying
Running from guilt & shame in grief
Overachieving as a coping mechanism
Wanting to be a "geriatric kid" at Josie's Place, a peer grief support program for children & families
What Laurel learned about grief from being a volunteer facilitator in that program
Learning a new way of being in the world & staying open to love
Having a "cosmic do-over" in helping her mom at the end of her life
The co-existence of love and sadness

Death With Dignity - Dr. Peg Sandeen Mar 31, 2023

Show notes

At the age of 27, Dr. Peg Sandeen faced an impossible request. Her husband, John, who was dying from HIV/AIDS, told Peg that he couldn't stand the pain anymore and wanted her to help him end his life. It was the early 1990's though and there was no legal avenue for Peg to help John in his wish to die with the dignity he had in life. Peg went on to get both a Master's and Ph.D. in social work. Throughout that time, the memory of John's last wish motivated her to work towards changing the landscape for people facing the end of life. Dr. Sandeen is now the Executive Director of Death With Dignity, working in end-of-life advocacy and fighting for medical aid in dying laws across the U.S.

In our conversation we discuss:

Meeting and falling in love with John
Getting the news of John's HIV diagnosis
How Hannah and John talked with their daughter Hannah about her father's illness
The shame and stigma surrounding HIV/AIDS
Caregiving for a dying husband as a young mother and wife
The current state of right to die laws across the U.S.
Moving from an intellectual to emotional understanding of grief
Learning to support Hannah in her grief

Dr. Sandeen's HuffPost article: My Husband Asked Me to Help Him Die. I Couldn't Do It - and My Life Changed Forever

Normalizing Grief - Grant Garry & "Meet Me Where I Am" Mar 24, 2023

Show notes

Meet Me Where I Am, a new film by Grant Garry, explores the topic of grief through individual stories of loss, love, and hope. The film aims to normalize grief in our culture and explores how we can actively participate in helping others through grief. Grant has always been curious about grief, from his first experience when his grandmother died when he was a teenager to his most recent loss, the death of his uncle. Meet Me Where I Am is the culmination of that curiosity, and a dedication to ensuring we all feel better equipped to talk about grief.

Follow Meet Me Where I Am on Instagram to see clips from the film (@meetmewhereiamfilm).

Finding The Words - Colin Campbell Mar 17, 2023

Show notes

Colin Campbell is a lot of things - writer, husband, friend - but the role he identifies with most is being a father. So, when his two teenage children, Ruby & Hart, were killed by a drunk driver in 2019, Colin was lost and terrified. Who was he without his kids? How would he survive the intensity of grief? Soon after their deaths, well-meaning friends and family would say, "There are no words," but for Colin, this phrase wasn't comforting. It left him feeling more alone because what he really needed were words. Words so he could talk about Ruby & Hart. Words to help articulate his pain. And words from others who shared what they remembered and missed about his children. Colin's book, Finding the Words: Working Through Profound Loss With Hope and Purpose, outlines the words and actions that helped him stay close to Ruby & Hart while learning to live in a world without them.

Topics in our conversation:

How Colin continues to honor and remember Ruby & Hart
The rituals and routines that were helpful in the early days of grief
How Colin navigates guilt and anger
Learning to lean into the pain
Finding ways for joy to live alongside grief
The myth that the death of a child leads to divorce
How Colin continues to embody being a father

Colin's article in The Atlantic - What Losing My Two Children Taught Me About Grief

(Re)Constellating After The Death Of A Partner Mar 06, 2023

Show notes

When Jessica Schaffer's partner of 25 years, Patrice, died in March of 2021, she found herself untethered. In the early days of grief, Jessica went within, needing to find her orbital pattern in this new solar system without Patrice. During this time she also germinated seeds of creativity. Seeds that were planted by Patrice when she gifted Jessica an iPad, just days before she learned she was dying. In the fall of 2021, Jessica picked up the iPad and started drawing. This process inspired her to start The Chrysalis Imagery, a company where she offers a line of greeting cards and other inspired imagery.

In this conversation we discuss:

What is was like to midwife Patrice through her dying process
How the early days of grief felt
The image that came to Jessica soon after Patrice died
How creativity changed everything
The ways their dog Kirby grieved
Jessica's hopes for The Chrysalis Imagery

Jessica on IG - @thechrysalisimagery and Facebook - @thechrysalisimagery

Both Sides Of The Story Feb 24, 2023

Show notes

It's rare for a story to have just one side, especially in grief. This is true for Eddie, whose father died of suicide in 2021. One side of the story is how Eddie's father was in the world - extremely successful and well-regarded. Another side of the story is how he was at home and in his relationship with her. In grief, Eddie has had to reckon with missing her dad while also being confused about why she is missing him. She's also had to navigate living in the world without a dad who was such a force in shaping everything she thought she wanted in life. Eddie is committed to talking openly about grief and mental health and wants to ensure there is room for her and others to tell both sides of the story.

Cultural Bereavement - Tida Beattie Feb 17, 2023

Show notes

When Tida Beattie's Thai immigrant parents died in 2019, she went from being a long-distance caregiver to an overwhelmed & grieving daughter. In her search for support, she found what so many do, a lack of culturally specific or informed resources. This experience motivated her to change this for others by creating spaces for immigrant families to receive support before and after a death. Tida is a Thai-American end-of-life doula, grief support facilitator, immigrant advocate, and co-founder of MESO, dedicated to supporting caregivers and those in grief with compassion and a cultural lens.

In this episode, we discuss:

Growing up as a Thai-American and her family's experience of cultural bereavement.
How her parents' immigrant experience informed their approach to end-of-life.
What it was like to be a long-distance caregiver.
Tida's search for culturally relevant grief support.
The importance of acknowledging cultural bereavement.
The goal and mission of MESO.
Learning to hold both joy & grief.

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