Grief Out Loud

Latest Episodes:

Love Isn't Finite - Grieving A Partner Oct 13, 2023

Show notes

This was supposed to be an episode about going back to work with grief, but it's not. Emily did have to navigate going back to work after her partner Chantel was killed in a hit and run, but this conversation ended up being about love. And loss. And the magical powers of caring for a dog named Indie. It's also about bringing the love you had with a partner who died into a new relationship and what it's like to grow that love with someone else.

We discuss

How Emily and Chantel fell in love
What she remembers about the night Chantel died
The isolation and loneliness of the Covid shutdown so early in her grief

How guilt shows up

Grieving a partner when you're so young and not married – and other people's opinions about it all

Navigating the logistics after a death

How being concerned about negative reactions from others hindered Emily's ability to talk openly about her relationship with Chantel – and how she would do things differently now

The wonders of therapy
How Emily deals with the fear of someone else dying

How To Make New Memories Sep 28, 2023

Show notes

Katie Cosgrove experienced the death of someone close to her every year between the ages of 15 and 21. The first was her father, who died of brain encephalitis. For the next five years, Katie did what so many teens do - she didn't talk about her grief. Until she did. Now, she's the founder of Grief is Good and the author of new children's book, "I'll see you in your dreams tonight," which invites children (and adults too) to find ways to make new memories with their person who died.

We discuss:

What Katie needed when her dad died and how that changed over time

Why she stopped talking about her dad and how she learned to start again

The nonverbal ways she started to engage with grief

How her dad's death shaped who she is

Living a death-centered life
How she continues to make new memories with her dad
What it will mean to make a hole in one on the golf course someday

How To Show Up For Others Sep 07, 2023

Show notes

"How do I help someone who is grieving?" This is the perennial question when it comes to showing up for people we care about after someone dies. Zack Wheat, a Board Certified Chaplain, knows more than most about what people who are grieving need - and don't need. Professionally, Zack knows about this from his work as a hospital chaplain for an inpatient palliative care team. He also knows about it from his time volunteering as a facilitator in peer grief support groups at Dougy Center. But, long before he was a hospital chaplain or a grief group facilitator, Zack learned about how to be there for others when he was 21 and his friend Leanna died in a car accident.

In this episode we talk about:

What it was like for Zack to speak at his friend's funeral
His draw to working as a chaplain
The difference between hospital and hospice chaplaincy
How the pandemic impacted Zack and his hospital colleagues
What people who are grieving need – and don't need
How to be human with other humans who are grieving
What keeps people from showing up for others
The value of acknowledgment, empathy, and presence
What Zack's learned as a facilitator in a peer grief support group

Love Is Stronger - Interrupting Gun Violence Aug 11, 2023

Show notes

Lionel Irving is the founder of Love is Stronger, an organization in Portland, OR dedicated to supporting gang-impacted families and communities in building healing, accountability, and safety. While Lionel and Love is Stronger focus on interrupting gun violence, this work is also rooted in grief. Lionel's uncle was shot and killed by the police in 1975. His cousin Donald was killed in 1999 by a rival gang. His mother died of a sudden illness when Lionel was 20. In the last two years, he went to over 40 funerals, many of those for young people killed by gun violence.

We talk about:

Lionel's early experiences with grief and gun violence
How he lost his moral compass when his mother died
His work as a tribute to how his mother saw him
The role unprocessed grief played in his life, including killing another teen
How being in prison and learning about trauma changed his life
Learning there's no quick fix for grief
What is unique about grieving a gun violence death
The origin story of Love is Stronger
Lionel's vision for interrupting cycles of gun violence
What the community can do to help
What helps him tend his own grief

More information about Lionel & Love is Stronger.

Becoming A Cultural Kinkeeper Aug 03, 2023

Show notes

What does it mean to be a cultural kinkeeper and how does that idea relate to grief? These are two of the questions we explore with Anika Chabra, co-founder of Root & Seed, a platform meant to inspire people to collect and document family stories, recipes, and traditions. When Anika's mom died suddenly in 2019, she realized just how much she didn't know, not just about her mom, but also about their family history and cultural traditions. Root & Seed is Anika's offering to help others have meaningful conversations with their family members in the hopes of recording those important stories and legacies.

We discuss:

The ways Anika's mother mothered her
How Anika went searching for stories about her mother after her death
What else Anika lost when her mother died
The origin of Root & Seed and the digital and physical tools they provide to help people document their family stories and traditions
What she most wishes she could tell her mom now

Social handles: @rootandseedco Website/E-Store: www.rootandseed.com Free Conversation Capture Tool: capture.rootandseed.com

The Grief Garden - Supporting Collective Grief Jul 14, 2023

Show notes

As more opportunities for non-traditional grief support arise, it's no surprise that many of them are happening in historically marginalized communities who have not felt relevantly supported in those settings. The Grief Garden, co-created by Julia Mall ory, a multidisiciplinary artist, and Tiana Zabala, the garden manager at Goggleworks Center for the Art s is the perfect example of this type of offering. The Grief Garden was designed to bring people together, in relationship with the outdoors, where they could engage with rest, movement, medicine making, and sound.

Julia Mallory is a storyteller, writer, and artist who after the death of her eldest son Julian in 2017 also became a community grief worker. Through her words, images, and offerings, Julia invites others to acknowledge and express their own grief.

Tiana Zabala is passionate about growing food, medicine, and building community. In her role as garden manager at GoggleWorks she focuses on urban farming and developing opportunities for collective healing.

We discuss:

What Julia & Tiana learned about grief from their families
The lack of opportunity to gather and honor collective grief, especially in the Black community
How grief gets pathologized in a grief avoidant society
The origin of the Grief Garden event
Why embodied practices like movement, song, and art are important in grief
How Julia makes engaging with grief more accessible through her lived experience
Farming as a metaphor for grief and the cycle of life
Julia & Tiana's plans for future creative grief expression events

Grief Out Loud Episode 178: Survivor's Guilt - Julia Mallory

When I Think Of Him, Love Is The Word That Comes Up - Pierce Freelon Jul 07, 2023

Show notes

Pierce Freelon is a GRAMMY® nominated musician, author, and educator. He is also a son, a father, a husband, and an astute observer of life and grief and everything in between. Pierce was a caregiver for his father, Phil Freelon, a renowed architect who died of ALS. He's also the author of the new children's book, Daddy and Me: Side by Side, a beautiful rendering of the times Pierce and his father spent in nature, and how Pierce is doing the same with his own son. A few hours before our interview, Pierce got word that a beloved professor from his time in graduate school, Dr. Micere Githae Mugo, had just died. In connection to both of these influential people, Pierce shares his unique and nuanced perspective on grief, legacy, and the power of artistry.

We talk about:

How Pierce thinks about death and grief and ongoing connection
The role gratitude plays in grief
How new grief feels familiar, because love feels familiar
The legacy of values, worldview, and artistry Pierce inherited from his dad, Phil, and his professor, Dr. Mugo
The cultural traditions Pierce turns to in grief
Caregiving for his father during his illness and end-of-life
The autobiographical elements of Pierce's new children's book, Daddy And Me: Side by Side.

Listen to our episode with Pierce's mother, Nneena Freelon, Ep. 202 Grief Wanted My Attention.

How Do I Keep Going Without Her? Kelly S. Thompson Jun 23, 2023

Show notes

When Kelly S. Thompson and her older sister Meghan were children, they were close. Meghan was Kelly's protector and constant as they moved around as a military family. Things shifted when Meghan hit adolescence and started using substances. Their connection disintegrated and they spent years barely in touch. When Meghan stopped using, they came back together and worked to rebuild trust and repair their relationship. Then, on the same day Meghan gave birth to her second child, she was diagnosed with a cancer that would end her life in less than two years. Kelly became her primary caregiver, going with Meghan to treatment and being with her in the hospital up until the last few moments of her life. Before she died, Meghan made Kelly promise to write their story. Kelly kept that promise with her new memoir, Still, I Cannot Save You.

We discuss:

The arc of Kelly & Meghan's relationship
The process of repairing that relationship
What it was like to care for Meghan after her cancer diagnosis
Kelly's relationship with survival mode
Why the grocery store kicks up her grief
The ways writing helps Kelly cope and stay connected to Meghan
How Meghan loved Kelly (without condition or hesitation)
The ongoing heaviness of grief
Answering the question "How do I keep moving in a world that doesn't have this brilliant human being in it?"

We Need Queer Specific Grief Spaces - Queer Grief Club & Jamie Thrower Jun 16, 2023

Show notes

Jamie Thrower is a Queer death doula, end-of-life educator, and grief guide in Portland, OR. She is also the founder of the Queer Grief Club which provides inclusive non-traditional grief support offerings for those grieving both death and non-death losses. Jamie knows from her personal experience of grieving the deaths of her parents and her daughter, Birdie, who she and her wife lost in the second trimester, just how important it is for grief support to be reflective of identity, relationships, family constellations, and community.

We get into:

Grieving as a queer person right now and the importance of community & connection.
Why the grocery store is so challenging when you're grieving.
The origins of the Queer Grief Club and how it's different than traditional grief support.
How the deaths of her parents and daughter shape the work she does in end-of-life and grief education.
The importance of queer specific spaces in grief.
Being queer in the gendered world of baby loss grief support.
Breaking down the binaries that get created in grief.
What grief has been saying to Jamie lately.

https://jamiethrower.com

https://www.instagram.com/queergriefclub/

It Affects All Of My Relationships Jun 08, 2023

Show notes

Even though most of us know and accept that grief doesn't have an end point, it can still be surprising to witness how much it impacts almost every aspect of our lives, including our relationships. This was true for Daniel, who was two days away from his 8th birthday when his father died of a brain tumor. When he was a kid, grief impacted Daniel's relationship with a sense of safety and security. As a young adult, it affected what he was looking for in his dating relationships. Throughout his life, it's shaped who and how he feels safe and comfortable connecting with.

We discuss:

What Daniel remembers about getting the news that his dad was going to die.
How the enormity of this loss became more real as he got older.
The challenges he faced with trusting men, which affected his experience as gay man.
How his coming out process may have been different if his dad was still alive.
The parallels Daniels found in coming out as gay and coming out as having a parent who died - how both have left him feeling othered.
How his grief impacted his dating relationships.
What he's learned from volunteering in a peer grief support group for young children.
What he's come to understand about grief over time.

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