Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery

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How to Go Beyond Pretending- Build Your Authenticity Through Acting "As If" | Episode 289 Nov 04, 2024

Show notes

If you’re not familiar with the term acting “as if”- it's a common saying in 12-step recovery and one of the ways we learn to adopt new ways of being in the world. Acting “as if” is essentially engaging in behaviors toward the goal of achieving something positive in your life by emulating the person you want to be or the life you want to have. But often, I get people questioning how this is different from pretending, something those of us in recovery are tired of doing. That’s what I am here to talk about today! This week’s episode 289 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how to go beyond pretending- build your authenticity through acting “as if”!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing how acting “as if” differs greatly from pretending (it has everything to do with your intentions) and how you can use this practice to move closer to the person you want to become and live the life you want to have.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to follow, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

After Participating in Private Coaching with Barb, You'll...

*Be able to feel peaceful and calm when setting boundaries

*Know how to communicate directly with people

*Your feelings will become more "right-sized"

*Do things because you really want to do them, not because you feel obligated

*Live your life by your own values and feel proud of that

*Learn to keep the focus on yourself and still be kind and helpful

*Come closer to realizing your authentic identity

Sign up for a free 30 minute Better Boundaries call with me at this link. https://calendly.com/barb-nangle/better-boundaries-call

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep 276: From Pretending to Purpose- The True Power of Acting "As If"

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

Overgiving No More- Part 2: How Boundaries Restore Balance and Energize Your Life | Episode 288 Oct 28, 2024

Show notes

Last week on the podcast, I talked about how setting healthy boundaries was the key to changing the four patterns of overgiving. I want to further that conversation today by providing actionable guidance on understanding yourself better, setting boundaries that reflect your actual wants and needs, and upholding your boundaries once you decide on them. This week’s episode 288 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how boundaries restore balance and energize your life!

If you missed part 1 of this episode, you can listen to it here: Overgiving No More - Part 1: Recognizing the Four Patterns that Drain You.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

What boundaries are, including some examples of the boundaries I uphold for myself and others.
Why setting boundaries is an essential step to overcome the habit of overgiving.
Knowing when and where to set boundaries starts with understanding what matters to you first.
Advice for how to actually set and uphold boundaries with other people

Overgivers often overgive because we feel like we must do that to earn our place. But when you're clear on your identity, you know that you belong because of who you are, not because you've given them extra, and they're therefore allowing you to belong.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

After Participating in Private Coaching with Barb, You'll...

*Be able to feel peaceful and calm when setting boundaries

*Know how to communicate directly with people

*Your feelings will become more "right-sized"

*Do things because you really want to do them, not because you feel obligated

*Live your life by your own values and feel proud of that

*Learn to keep the focus on yourself and still be kind and helpful

*Come closer to realizing your authentic identity

Sign up for a free 30 minute Better Boundaries call with me at this link. https://calendly.com/barb-nangle/better-boundaries-call

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

Overgiving No More- Part 1: Recognizing the Four Patterns That Drain You | Episode 287 Oct 21, 2024

Show notes

I have always been a giver, but through recovery, I came to terms with the fact that I had been an overgiver. I felt obligated to drop everything and give to everyone at the drop of a hat, which was draining. However, through building healthy boundaries, I learned to give in a healthy way, pouring from the overflow instead of from an empty cup. This week’s episode 287 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is part 1 of Overcoming No More: Recognizing the Four Patterns That Drain You!

If you feel like you don’t know how to be in your life, be in your feelings, feel situated within yourself or how to be in relationships or organizations, it’s probably because you’re more focused on others than you are yourself. If this is you, you are a perfect candidate for Boundaries by Design: A Blueprint for Life, an 8-week structured course for women.

This group coaching program will give you the framework, coaching, and guidance to create a manual for your life. You’ll know where you end and others begin, what your responsibility is and what’s not, and what you like, want, need, and prefer.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

The difference between someone overgiving and someone just giving.
Breaking down the 4 common patterns of people who overgive:
- Misplaced outer focus.
- Excessive independence.
- Self-imposed limitations.
- Ineffective communication.
Examples of how each of these patterns might show up in your life.
How building healthy boundaries helps you keep the focus on yourself and avoid overgiving.

Stay tuned for next week as I share how boundaries restore balance and energize your life.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep 3: Victim Mentality

Ep 10: My Tools of Recovery Part III: Focus On Me

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

Build Bridges, Not Walls-How and Why Boundaries Bring Us Closer to Others | Episode 286 Oct 14, 2024

Show notes

Many people think that building boundaries is about building walls between us and other people. While this is true in cases where you may have a dangerous or toxic person in your life that you need to build a wall between, in the majority of cases, boundaries actually bring us closer to other people. This week’s episode 286 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about building bridges, not walls- how and why boundaries bring us closer to others!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing examples of how I acted as a “chameleon” in past relationships, changing my interests and preferences to fit with my partners’ and how building healthy boundaries helps you understand yourself better and effectively communicate your likes, wants and needs.

We are built to bond with other people and the best way to bond with others is if they know who we actually are.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

When Gifts Become Trauma- Emotional Invalidation in Relationships | Episode 285 Oct 07, 2024

Show notes

Since getting into ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families), I have come to understand that I have gift trauma. This is a form of relational trauma (sometimes referred to as little t trauma) that is a result of something happening in the context of a relationship over time. For me, this came as a result of feeling emotionally invalidated through gifts in my past relationships. This week’s episode 285 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about when gifts become trauma- emotional invalidation in relationships!

If you feel like you don’t know how to be in your life, be in your feelings, feel situated within yourself, or how to be in relationships or organizations, it’s probably because you’re more focused on others than you are yourself. If this is you, you are a perfect candidate for Boundaries by Design: A Blueprint for Life, an 8-week structured course for women.

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing some examples from my life where I have felt emotionally invalidated when family members or romantic partners have bought (or not bought) me gifts, how my relationship with my sweetheart is healing this trauma for me, and the importance of releasing expectations of others to find peace.

Let this be your reminder that you do not have to stay in relationships with people who continually invalidate you, whether it has to do with gifts or not.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep 131: Let Go of Your Expectations of Others and Meet Your Own Needs

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

Control, Fear, Faith and the Power of Boundaries- Gems from My Recovery Journal | Episode 284 Sep 30, 2024

Show notes

Throughout my recovery journey, I have gotten into the habit of writing down personal revelations or impactful quotes that I come across to document my experiences and insights. Many of these made a profound impact on my perception of things, so I wanted to share some of them with you today. This week’s episode 284 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about control, fear, faith, and the power of boundaries- gems from my recovery journal!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing a series of quotes that resonated with me, as well as some of my own personal revelations that helped me along the path of my recovery journey.

Some of the themes I go over in this episode include:

The power of building healthy boundaries in all areas of your life.
Continuously learning to love unconditionally despite the type of love you were shown.
Reshaping your perception of your fears.
Understanding the true meaning and intention behind forgiveness.
The difference between confidentiality and a cover-up.
Your patterns of behavior do not define you and can be changed.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

Addicted to Chaos: How Rumination and Catastrophizing Hijack Your Peace (and How to Stop) | Episode 283 Sep 23, 2024

Show notes

When Food is Love by Geneen Roth

I recently came across the phrase, “Stop extending the life of your problems.” This resonated with me because before I got into recovery, I hadn’t realized I was massively extending the life of my problems for DECADES on end by ruminating on the past and catastrophizing about the future. This, I have come to realize, is a very common trait for those of us in ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families). This week’s episode 283 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how rumination and catastrophizing hijack your peace (and how to stop)!

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

How recovery helped me come to the realization that I was replaying moments from the past and living in the wreckage of the future.
Why adult children become “addicted to excitement” and, as a result, do things to activate our nervous system.
The 3-step solution for how to stop ruminating and catastrophizing and live in the present moment.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep 42: Why Take a Daily Inventory

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

How to Set Strong Boundaries: Real-Life Stories of Saying No and Standing Firm | Episode 282 Sep 16, 2024

Show notes

Free Resources on Boundaries

It’s no secret that boundaries are the key to reclaiming your power, honoring your needs, and living life on your terms. And me showing up week after week on the podcast to lay the foundation for boundary setting is one thing, but hearing the real-life stories of those of us who are taking action and setting boundaries in our lives is inspiring on a whole new level! This week’s episode 282 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about real-life stories of saying no and standing firm!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing a series of examples of ways either myself, my listeners, or my clients have put the fundamentals of boundary setting into action in their lives so you can feel inspired to do the same in your life.

Now, some of these boundaries may seem small but when you multiply them by the thousands of ways we’ve compromised ourselves in the past, setting all these little types of boundaries results in the kind of life we want to live.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

After Participating in Private Coaching with Barb, You'll...

*Be able to feel peaceful and calm when setting boundaries

*Know how to communicate directly with people

*Your feelings will become more "right-sized"

*Do things because you really want to do them, not because you feel obligated

*Live your life by your own values and feel proud of that

*Learn to keep the focus on yourself and still be kind and helpful

*Come closer to realizing your authentic identity

Sign up for a free 30 minute Better Boundaries call with me at this link. https://calendly.com/barb-nangle/better-boundaries-call

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

Understanding Codependence, Its Origins, and How to Overcome It | Episode 281 Sep 09, 2024

Show notes