Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery

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The Blame Game- Recognizing and Releasing the Need to Blame | Episode 279 Aug 26, 2024

Show notes

Content Warning: This episode has brief mentions of the sexual abuse of a child.

One of the things covered in The Solution, a foundational document in ACA is that we will free ourselves from the shame and blame carried over from the past. Shame is just about one of the worst feelings in the world so to avoid it, we can get into the habit of displacing this feeling by blaming others, instead of taking accountability for our part in the situation. As a result, shame and blame go hand in hand. This week’s episode 279 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the blame game - recognizing and releasing the need to blame.

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing a follow-up from last week’s episode on shame, ways in which I have recognized the need to blame as a result of feeling shame, and actionable steps you can take right now to identify when you’re putting the blame on others and switch to taking accountability for your part in things.

You can’t change the past, whether that’s what happened to you or what you did, but you can change your reaction patterns, thus, changing the future. That my friends is freedom.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Thank you for listening! If you enjoyed this episode, take a screenshot of the episode to post in your stories and tag me! And don’t forget to follow, rate and review the podcast and tell me your key takeaways!

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

After Participating in Private Coaching with Barb, You'll...

*Be able to feel peaceful and calm when setting boundaries

*Know how to communicate directly with people

*Your feelings will become more "right-sized"

*Do things because you really want to do them, not because you feel obligated

*Live your life by your own values and feel proud of that

*Learn to keep the focus on yourself and still be kind and helpful

*Come closer to realizing your authentic identity

Sign up for a free 30 minute Better Boundaries call with me at this link. https://calendly.com/barb-nangle/better-boundaries-call

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

Breaking Free from Generational Shame and Humiliation | Episode 278 Aug 19, 2024

Show notes

In ACA we say that shame is the legacy of adult children and it is passed down from generation to generation. That’s why we feel shame for things that “normal” people don’t. This week’s episode 278 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about breaking free from generational shame and humiliation!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing how, despite the saying that guilt is, ‘I did something wrong’ and shame is ‘I am something wrong,’ for me, it was more frequently that I was supposed to know something that I don’t or I’m supposed to be or do something that I’m not. And that is because of the messages I received from the people around me growing up.

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

Examples of the messages I received from my family that led to this deeply ingrained sense of shame I felt most of my adult life.
Things that have made me feel shame and humiliation over the years that other people likely wouldn’t.
How setting healthy boundaries helped me know myself better and overcome the shame and humiliation I once felt.

Remember, it is fine to seek the approval of others but only when you have your own approval first.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

Check out the “Feelings, Not Fixing” bundle of curated content.

This bundle is for people who struggle with emotional discomfort—especially those who avoid their own feelings or feel responsible for fixing others'. If you've been told you're too sensitive, or you learned to disconnect from your emotions to survive, this bundle helps you come back to yourself. It’s especially powerful for people-pleasers, over-givers, and anyone raised in a family where emotions were minimized or punished.

Details here.

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep. 17. GUILT AND SHAME

Ep. 179. Freedom from the Lie of Shame - You're Not Inherently Flawed

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Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

The Meaning Behind the Saying “If You’re Hysterical, It’s Historical” | Episode 277 Aug 12, 2024

Show notes

ACA World Service Organization website

Whether you’re in recovery or not, you may have heard the saying, “If you’re hysterical, it’s historical.” This phrase refers to the times in our lives when we may have an emotional reaction that felt completely out of proportion to the situation at hand and gives some insight into some unresolved trauma from our past. This week’s episode 277 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the meaning behind the saying, “If you’re hysterical, it’s historical."

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

When we experience a triggering situation in the present, it’s often linked to past trauma, even if we don’t consciously remember the original event.
The difference between “big T” and “little t” trauma.
The path to healing starts with dealing with the trauma at the root of your reaction, not the present-day trigger.

If you’re noticing these emotional triggers pop up in your life, I encourage you to seek support through programs like ACA or work with a trauma-informed therapist to uncover and process past wounds. You’d be surprised how healing it can be.

After Participating in Private Coaching with Barb, You'll...

*Be able to feel peaceful and calm when setting boundaries

*Know how to communicate directly with people

*Your feelings will become more "right-sized"

*Do things because you really want to do them, not because you feel obligated

*Live your life by your own values and feel proud of that

*Learn to keep the focus on yourself and still be kind and helpful

*Come closer to realizing your authentic identity

Sign up for a free 30 minute Better Boundaries call with me at this link. https://calendly.com/barb-nangle/better-boundaries-call

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Episodes about denial:

Ep: 16 D-E-N-I-A-L (12 min)

Ep: 23 Denial 2.0 (13 min)

Ep: 182 Denial 3.0 (23 min)

Ep 191: How I Came Out of Denial - My ACA Story (26 min)

Ep 196: Denial 4.0 (24 min)

ACA Fellowship Text “The Big Red Book”

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

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From Pretending to Purpose- The True Power of Acting "As If" | Episode 276 Aug 05, 2024

Show notes

Many of us in ACA have had to pretend our entire lives in order to feel safe or get our needs met. We acted as though our family was one way knowing full well that was not the case behind closed doors. So let me be clear: acting “as if” is not the same as pretending. It’s a way of acting in a way that changes the long-standing patterns of behavior that keep you from moving forward. This week’s episode 276 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about moving from pretending to purpose- the true power of acting “as if”.

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the importance of understanding the motivations behind our actions and how they can impact our personal growth. I also share actionable steps to course-correct the behaviors holding us back and move closer to the life we want to live.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep. 25: Act As If

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

My Reparenting Journey as Expressed on the Adult Child Podcast | Episode 275 Jul 29, 2024

Show notes

I have shared bits and pieces of my reparenting journey throughout my podcast episodes but I have never publicly sat down to share it all in one setting. That is… until I appeared on an episode of the Adult Child podcast with Andrea Ashley. After hearing the little bit of my story that I shared in her community which is affectionately called The Shitshow, Andrea Ashley invited me on her podcast to share my reparenting journey with her audience. This week’s episode 275 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about my reparenting journey as expressed on the Adult Child podcast!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing the full story of how my inner family came forward to me, one by one, and sharing personal experiences of re-casting and re-writing my past with my new, inner-loving family.

If you’re looking to identify with other adult children, the Adult Child podcast is for you. You can listen to Andrea Ashley’s podcast here!

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

Aim for the Target, Not the Trophy- Focusing on What You Want | Episode 274 Jul 22, 2024

Show notes

If you really want to have a well-lived life, you want to focus on what you want, not so much on what you don't want. Just like the archer must focus on the target rather than the trophy, we also must focus on the task ahead rather than the result, which may not even come to pass. This week’s episode 274 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast focuses on what you want by aiming for the target, not the trophy!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

Through my recovery journey, I learned the importance of focusing on what you want rather than dwelling on what you don't want. Setting clear boundaries and prioritizing my needs and values has allowed me to form the healthy, genuine relationships I desire.

My hope is that you can apply this lesson of aiming for your goals, not external rewards, to enrich your own life.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

The ACA Solution and How to Overcome Intergenerational Family Dysfunction | Episode 273 Jul 15, 2024

Show notes

I was recently on a call with a newcomer in ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families) and we were walking through The ACA Solution, a foundational document in the ACA program. This document is one of the many resources we have in this 12-step program that we use to reparent ourselves, heal, and recover from our trauma. Reading this document as a whole is incredibly powerful, but when we break it down line by line, we can internalize it and relate it to our own experiences on a deeper level. This week’s episode 273 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about the ACA Solution and how to overcome intergenerational family dysfunction!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m reading The ACA Solution, line by line, sharing my own perception and experience of what it means to me and my recovery journey.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

The ACA Solution

Ep. 10. My Tools of Recovery Part III: Focus On Me

Ep. 9 My Tools of Recovery Part II: Reaching Out

DENIAL EPISODES

Ep. 16 D-E-N-I-A-L (12 min)

ep. 23 Denial 2.0 (13 min)

ep 182 Denial 3.0 (23 min)

ep 191 - How I Came Out of Denial - My ACA Story (26 min)

ep 196 Denial 4.0 (24 min)

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

How to Take Control by Setting Digital Boundaries for Peace and Productivity | Episode 272 Jul 08, 2024

Show notes

263. Approaching Conflict Resolution with Confidence with Melanie [Coaching Series Part 3]

In this digital world we’re living in, we’ve become so accustomed to a constant stream of notifications and content that it can feel overwhelming. But the good news is, like everything else, we can set boundaries around our digital exposure, protect our time and peace, and become more productive in the process. This week’s episode 272 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how to take control by setting digital boundaries for peace and productivity!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

In this episode of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast, I’m sharing some of my personal boundaries for the digital world and how you can implement some of these boundaries to stay focused and give yourself much needed digital breaks.

Some of the digital boundaries I go over in this episode include:

Turning the ringer on my phone off during my personal time.
Limiting the number of push notifications I allow.
Only following accounts on social media that I care about, deleting or blocking accounts I don’t want to see.
Using a digital calendar to time block and effectively manage my time.
Quit using my phone in the car.
Being intentional about the things I post on social media.
Muting work notifications outside of working hours.
Using the Pomodoro Technique to focus on one task at a time and give myself breaks.
Staying off screens while eating.

Knowing what matters to you is important because when you know what matters to you, you can set boundaries that uphold and support those things.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Get a free chapter of my upcoming book: Roadside Recovery

CONNECT WITH BARB NANGLE:

F*ck Normal- How to Embrace What Fuels You in Recovery | Episode 271 Jul 01, 2024

Show notes

Listen to Alesia Galati’s Podcasts

I notice a lot of people questioning what “normal” looks like. But it doesn’t matter what normal is for other people. What matters is what works for YOU and what fuels your energy instead of drains it. This week’s episode 271 of the Fragmented to Whole Podcast is about how to embrace what fuels you in recovery!

Support the show by becoming a Patreon member!

Some of the talking points I go over in this episode include:

Prioritize the activities and people that energize you, regardless of what is “normal” for others.
Use self-affirmations to meet your own needs and build trust in your self-approval rather than seeking approval externally.
Focus inward through self-care to avoid codependency and self-depletion.

By simply being born, you deserve happiness, joy, fulfillment, affirmation, love, connection, and healing. You deserve to be here and you don’t have to do anything or change anything to be worthy of these things.

Be sure to tune in to all the episodes to receive tons of practical tips on living a more whole life and to hear even more about the points outlined above.

Learn more about Fragmented to Whole at https://higherpowercc.com/podcast/

LINKS MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE:

Ep 131: Let Go of Your Expectations of Others and Meet Your Own Needs

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