Football Cliches

Latest Episodes:

Giving 40,000%, Test Match Andy Townsend & "Can you explore a swoop?” Jul 07, 2025

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Dave's karaoke with an EFL goal machine's wife, the tennis equivalent of a goal going in off the crossbar, a possible world record for a player’s exaggerated percentage of effort given for their team, Watford's cowardly kit statement, a familiar crowd noise pops up in a 2002 ITV drama and Richard Keys takes on....Wimbledon's Royal Box.

Meanwhile, the panel tackle the two biggest philosophical questions of our time: can you "plot an exodus"? And can you "explore a swoop"?

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

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Wimbledon tennis players as footballers & the floodgates threshold Jul 02, 2025

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare & David Walker. On the agenda: The return of an allegedly iconic football TV programme, a never-before-seen method of laying out a starting XI, fears for an England team in a European major-tournament heatwave and the hypothetical situation of a team that wins every single game 1-0.

Meanwhile, the panel imagine Wimbledon tennis players as footballers and decide when a game's "floodgates" can be opened.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Download SAILY in your app store and use our code CLICHES at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase

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Stopping Celeste's flame, pre-season lingo & Jhon Duran's reverse-gear career Jun 30, 2025

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: Celeste refusing to play the Super Sunday theme tune at Glastonbury, the club we really should have predicted would sign a nine-goal striker called Vivaldo, the prospect of substituted players being interviewed live on TV next season, Jhon Duran's curious career path, Conor McNamara's freestyle Club World Cup commentary and schools acting like Premier League clubs.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

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5-a-side injury updates & watching TV football from an acute angle: The listeners' loves & hates Jun 25, 2025

Show notes

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker entertain this month's listener entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are the injury reports in 5-a-side group chats, players who look like they think throw-ins are beneath them, the horror of watching a game on a TV from an angle of less than 40 degrees and the unsatisfying asterisk that looms over at least half a dozen major international tournament winners since 1954.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel ponder how many departing players make an "exodus".

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October:

https://myticket.co.uk/artists/football-cliches-live

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”The most involved-goals man", Swiss Army knives & watching the Roy Keane film trailer Jun 23, 2025

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: which player could most plausibly play for all 32 Club World Cup teams, the inevitability of Ref Cam in the Premier League, more inappropriate EFL new-signing language, slightly desperate football references in Channel 4 TV listings, describing players as "Swiss Army knives" and the first glimpse of Steve Coogan’s big-screen Mick McCarthy

Meanwhile, the panel decide the cut-off point for declaring a successful penalty was "never in doubt" and what it would take for a player operating outside Europe to win the Ballon d'Or.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

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The Pure Bundesliga XI Jun 18, 2025

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined by Charlie Eccleshare, David Walker and Bundesliga commentator Kevin Hatchard to compile the quintessential lineup of players from modern German football.

The selection process involves some unhinged goalkeepers, giant defenders fathered by US military servicemen, lesser-known Brazilians, meat-and-potatoes midfielders, Japanese imports who stayed forever, German Under-21 internationals with English mums, a walking advert fort German footballing mentality, a Brazilian striker with no more than four caps for the Selecao and a lumbering German journeyman to spearhead the whole thing.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://tickets.footballcliches.com

Download SAILY in your app store and use our code CLICHES at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase

Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Count Infantula's Club World Cup, referee kit launches & goal sandwiches Jun 16, 2025

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: some early Club World Cup observations (including DAZN's motley crew of pundits and co-commentators), an unexpected Nigel Farage-based analogy, barely-audible Andy Hinchcliffe co-commentary in Ukrainian dance music, Kyle Walker's Turkish Super Lig credentials, a double header of football references in audiobooks and the Lampard & Gerrard of darts.

Meanwhile, the panel examine the concept of "showing too much of the ball to the defender" and enjoy the launch material for next season's referee kits.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Get your ticket for the Football Clichés Live tour this October: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

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Heavy England shirts, absolute clinics & Club World Cup curiosity levels Jun 11, 2025

Show notes

& David Walker. On the agenda: the half-hearted fallout from England 1-3 Senegal, Scotland's George Hirst mixes up his metaphorical goalscoring relief, why Claudio Ranieri should go to the World Cup, an unexpected exclamation from a South American commentator and cash vs curiosity as the Club World Cup looms.

Meanwhile, the panel enjoy some elite-level Reddit pedantry and thrash out the definition of putting on a footballing "clinic".

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Download SAILY in your app store and use our code CLICHES at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase

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Dixon is the new Lawro, Ange's logical next move & "where the dust mites dwell” Jun 09, 2025

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined on the Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker. On the agenda: the Clichés army react to Dave's big news, Thomas Tuchel enters familiar territory for an England manager, Lee Dixon continues to settle into his co-commentary caricature, Ange Postecoglou and other managers "always welcome back at [Stadium X]", acceptable new-signing adjectives from EFL social media admins, Conor Coady's hyper-logical next move and news of the 2025 Football Clichés Live tour.

Meanwhile, the panel tick off the only club in the top five tiers of English football to have never been mentioned on the pod.

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Visit nordvpn.com/cliches to get four extra months on a two-year plan with NordVPN

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Vivaldo, the "end to end" threshold & the authenticity of Lionel Messi's pub crisps Jun 05, 2025

Show notes

Adam Hurrey is joined on the midweek Adjudication Panel by Charlie Eccleshare & Nick Miller. On the agenda: the bonus Tom Cruise punditry we all wanted to hear, the traditional opening bell for the England/World Cup news cycle, tracking down the Richard Keys commentary from an early-90s management sim, the unofficial Cristiano Ronaldo classical music night, Dan Walker mixes up Baroque composers with generic Brazilian footballers and the club who are most obviously going to sign Aleksandar Mitrovic this summer.

Meanwhile, the panel decide the point at which a game can be described as "end to end" and discover whose name has been uttered the most in Cliches pod history: Keys or Gray?

Sign up for Dreamland, the new members-only Football Clichés experience, to access our exclusive new show and much more: https://dreamland.footballcliches.com

Download SAILY in your app store and use our code CLICHES at checkout to get an exclusive 15% off your first purchase https://saily.com/

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