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    Self-Improvement

    Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs

    Don’t Cut Your Own Bangs is a cozy corner of the internet for high-functioning humans with big feelings — the capable ones who get things done but quietly wonder if something’s missing.
    If you’re the unicorn in a power suit (or a perfectly neutral sweater), building a life that looks “right” on paper but still craving something freer and more alive — you’re in the right place.

    Hosted by therapist and author Danielle Ireland, this show feels like sitting on the couch with your best friend — if your best friend happened to be a therapist. Together, we untangle burnout, anxiety, pressure, and comparison, and learn how to turn emotions into allies instead of obstacles.

    This is a space for comfort, community, clarity — and a few laughs along the way.
    Because you deserve calm without having to earn it.

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    Copyright: © 2025

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    Latest Episodes:
    Unlock the Power of Self-Validation. A solocast. Jul 14, 2025
    Show notes

    Unlock the Power of Self-Validation Inspired by a recent therapy session, in this solo episode of 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs,' Danielle Ireland explores the practice of self-validation. She shares insights on how to validate your own experiences, calm your nervous system, and push back against self-doubt. The episode includes practical examples, journaling tips, and real-life applications, making it a valuable resource for anyone looking to strengthen their self-awareness and emotional well-being. RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO "DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS" Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Connect with Danielle: Watch the show on YouTube Instagram The Treasured Journal Wrestling a Walrus 00:00 Introduction and Episode Overview 00:12 Understanding Self-Validation 01:00 Practical Examples of Validation 02:12 Benefits of Validation 03:11 Self-Validation Techniques 05:39 Journaling for Self-Discovery 06:49 Client Story and Real-Life Application 07:57 Navigating Uncertainty with Self-Validation 10:22 The Power of Truth in Self-Validation 15:41 Children's Book and Emotional Education 16:56 Conclusion and Listener Engagement Self Validation Solocast [00:00:00] Danielle: Hello. Hello. This is Danielle Ireland and you are listening to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. And today I'm coming at you [00:00:07] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are listening to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. And today I'm coming at you with a tasty little treat, a little snack of a solo cast, we're gonna talk about validating the self, how this is a practice that you can do on your own, in your mind, in a journal. You can take this anywhere with you, and it is a fabulous tool to regulate the nervous system. [00:00:32] To calm down the chatter of self-doubt, those that overwhelming spiraling self-talk that we can get lost in. And I'm gonna talk about what validation is and what it's not, and how you can actually practice this in your own life. It came out of a really powerful therapy session that I gave this week, and almost as soon as I signed off of that call, my first thought was, oh dang, I need to share this. [00:00:56] So here we are validating the self. Simply put it is naming your experience. If we were thinking about it in terms of relationships, if it was me communicating with somebody else, validation is that I can hold space. I can see the reality and the truth of your experience, and I can honor that as true for you. [00:01:22] So for example, if. With my four, my 4-year-old daughter, for example, I can see for her experience, you really want a Popsicle. You really want a Popsicle right now, and I'm telling you it's time to go down for a nap. You're really upset that I told you you're not gonna get a Popsicle, and I can see how hard that is for you. [00:01:43] I'm validating that you are having an emotional experience that is different from me. In this moment, even though we're having, we're in the same room, right? We're breathing the same air, but you're having a very different experience than me, and I can see that is true and that is real for you. That is just a silly, small example. [00:02:05] Although it's based on very real, very real experiences. But that is how we can offer validation for somebody else. The benefit of doing that for someone else is it lets them know that they're not crazy. It's not just in their head. It's all of the invalidating language that I'm sure we are all very familiar with. [00:02:26] Like you're being dramatic. You're being over the top. Calm down. It's not that big a deal. You just need to get over it. You're not being logical, too emotional. Those are all ways that we can be invalidated, that we have been invalidated, and that we can invalidate somebody else. So to repeat what validation is, is I can see the truth of your experiences based on the circumstances that are before you. [00:02:55] You, there's something you really want. There's something that you didn't get your experiences, you're disappointed and upset. You're telling me you don't wanna go to bed, and I can see that is true for you, and I can hold space for myself for having a different experience. So now we're talking about validating the self, and I'll talk about how you can also do that outside of an interaction with somebody. [00:03:18] In my experience, my daughter's upset. She's screaming about a Popsicle. She's telling me she doesn't wanna go down for a nap. She's telling me she's not tired. And then here's my experience. Here's what I know. What I know is it's 1230 I. You normally go down for a nap at 12, you're already getting tired. [00:03:36] I've seen you rubbing your eyes. I've been down this road with you many times before. I know it's hard for you to stop having fun when you wanna keep having fun, and I also know I'll pay for it later. If I don't get you down for a nap. There's likely gonna be a meltdown later. So my experience is I'm witnessing the emotional eruption and upheaval. [00:04:00] Of having to tell you, no, you can't have a Popsicle, and yes, you are going down for a nap. That's stressful for me. This isn't what I want either. What I want is to just give you what you want so that I can go chill and read my book [00:04:14] I don't wanna deal with a tantrum. This is hard for me to, I know that it's the right thing to do, so I'm going to do it anyway. And I also know that you are for. And your brain is only developed four years, and your job is to want what you want. And my job is to do the best I can to take care of your beautiful brain and body. [00:04:35] So I can honor that. That is my experience, and I'm not making her responsible for my experience because she's entitled to have her own. And it's very different than mine, even though we're breathing the same air, we're in the same space. I can regulate myself and I can regulate my own nervous system. [00:04:53] By honoring, you're doing what you know is right, you're doing the best you can in this moment. You're frustrated too. You're disappointed too. You don't like dealing with this either. You wish this were easier, all of those things that are true. And each time I allow myself to acknowledge the truth of my experience to myself, even if it's just in my own mind. [00:05:19] I can feel what I actually physiologically experience, I physically experience like tingles in my legs. That must be a way that my nervous system is letting me know that it's calming down, but I breathe and I'm speaking the truth for myself to myself. That always puts me in a clearer frame of mind. [00:05:39] If you've ever wanted to start a journaling practice but didn't know where to start, or if you've been journaling off and on your whole life, but you're like, I wanna take this work deeper, I've got you covered. I've written a journal called Treasured, a Journal for unearthing you. It's broken down into seven key areas of your life, filled with stories, sentence stems, prompts, questions, and exercises. [00:05:58] All rooted in the work that I do with actual clients in my therapy sessions. I have given these examples to clients in sessions as homework, and they come back with insights that allow us to do such incredible work. This is something you can do in the privacy of your own home, whether you're in therapy or not. [00:06:17] It has context, it has guides. And hopefully some safety bumpers to help digging a little deeper feel possible, accessible and safe. You don't have to do this alone. And there's also a guided treasured meditation series that accompanies each section in the journal to help ease you into the processing state. [00:06:36] My hope is to help guide you into feeling more secure with the most important relationship in your life, the one between you and you. Hop on over to the show notes and grab your copy today. And now back to the episode. [00:06:49] Danielle: so in this session with a client where this concept came out, this was one of those moments where. My client, had just made a really, really hard decision about her life and her family, and she was in that really tender early stage of making a new decision where there's a fork in the road and you're starting down this new path based on the new choice that you've just made. [00:07:18] You're not so far down the road. It's like you're almost walking parallel paths before they really start to split off into a v and I'm making these new steps forward, but it's hard and it's scary and it's new. [00:07:33] This is definitely unknown. And then I can still see the well worn path next to me that I. Could have been on if I had just stayed the same. And it's in that space where validating the self can be. If you find yourself in a similar couple steps past a fork in the road moment, this too may be really impactful for you. [00:07:57] And it's not about knowing. The outcome of your choice, because that is impossible. It's so easy to just try to get our hooks into something that feels safe and sturdy and stable. But all you know, I'm here. I've made this decision. This is hard. This is scary, this is new. [00:08:22] And even though you're not making a false promise to yourself, and you may actually be admitting something that's hard, like this is really challenging, I feel really uncertain. I don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring. I feel lost those statements. It's not false hope, and it's not toxic positivity. [00:08:42] You're not trying to spin the truth into something palatable. You're letting the truth exist, and you're also making the statement with a period at the end of the sentence, I feel lost. I don't know what to do tomorrow. I'm here. I've done it. I'm scared. It's a statement and then it, there's a period at the end of that sentence. [00:09:07] Each time you do your own version of that, which is self validation, your nervous system calms down. There is this activation that can happen with anxiety and self-doubt, especially when we feel lost. Our mind is looking for certainty, and so it'll start asking us questions and in particular questions like, why? [00:09:35] Why did this happen to me? Why are they doing this? Why aren't they calling me back? Why aren't they texting me? And the problem with those types of questions phrased in that particular way, you're asking yourself questions that you can't know the answer to. That will activate more anxiety because more questions you can't know the answer to will lead to more questions you can't know the answer to, and you will start to experience that as dread and doom and or you will also very likely, and this is referencing Brene Brown, here, you will insert your worst fear with your uncertainty, like your uncertainty gaps of knowledge and understanding. [00:10:13] I'm just gonna insert the worst fears I have about myself or the worst possible outcome I can think of. This does not help your nervous system. This does not help you feel safe. Validating the self. It's not false hope, it's not toxic positivity. It is to the simplest, most base way you can say it. [00:10:31] What is the truest thing? The truest thing about what you're experiencing in this moment and let it exist. Take a breath. [00:10:40] Say the thing, and it might be a hard thing. It also might be a simple thing. It might be, I don't know, but even saying you don't know is radically different for your brain and body in terms of being able to regulate and deescalate. Saying you don't know is different than asking a question you cannot answer and. [00:11:04] Sometimes, I don't know, is the truest thing you can access, but I can guarantee you, even though I probably shouldn't be making a guarantee, I can guarantee you, you say you don't know and you take a beat. You follow up with, well, what do I know? You will have an answer. I promise you will have an answer. [00:11:25] What I know is I can't go back. What I know is I made the best possible decision I could in the moment. What I know is I'm here. What I know is I'm breathing. I'm sitting in a chair. What I know is I can feel my blanket on my lap whatever it is. If you sit with the unknown and you let it exist for just a couple of breaths, something will reveal itself to you, and this is why self validation can be so powerful. [00:12:00] Your body responds to truth. So just a little information about lie detector tests. They don't detect lies. There's actually no way to measure physiologically a lie. What lie detectors measure is your body's stress response. Most of us, not all, some people can hijack the system, especially if people have low empathy. [00:12:22] That are affected by lies or it's not practiced out of them. But I would say for the majority of us, when we speak something that isn't true in our mind or allowed, our heart rate will raise, perspiration will increase, and your body will have a reaction to stress. So when you speak the truth, whatever that truth may be, there is a reason why. [00:12:50] When I am in a session with somebody and either it comes out of my mouth or it's their own knowing in the moment when the truth is known, it stabilizes you. And sometimes it is a really hard hard truth, but the truth, no matter how hard it's the right kind of hard and arguably more. Certain and more safe than any well told pretty half truth. [00:13:24] And if anybody who has either been in therapy or had, you know what Oprah calls an aha moment, it's like you go, oh, that's what it is. That's the thing I haven't let myself see for so long. That's the thing I've been afraid to admit or say for years, and now it's here. And there's often work to do after, but what we're talking about is in that moment when the truth is spoken, your body relaxes. [00:13:56] The shoulders come down the jaw on clinches, the pressure in the chest releases the legs. For me, tingle a little. The truth is settling and calming to the nervous system. And what validation is not is feeling somebody else's feelings, knowing somebody's experience For them, it is acknowledging that there can be more than one truth that exists in any given moment, and yours matters as much as anybody else's, but validating the self. [00:14:33] We're really just talking about you. There is a truth to your experience that only you know, and when you admit that truth to yourself, it will set you free. What I encourage you to do, grab a journal, a blank piece of paper, or take a voice memo app on your phone and go for a walk if there is something that you're wrestling with a conversation you keep having with somebody in your mind, or a memory that your mind keeps go…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    Exploring the Wild With Eli Martinez: Diving With Sharks & Embracing the Call of Adventure Jul 07, 2025
    Show notes

    In this episode of 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs,' Danielle Ireland interviews adventurer and SDM Diving owner Eli Martinez. They discuss his unique career leading land and ocean safaris, dispelling myths about predators, and the connection between exploring the wild and self-discovery. Eli shares his journey from aspiring bull rider to renowned wildlife guide and photographer, emphasizing the therapeutic and transformative power of nature. Together, they explore how experiencing the wild fosters understanding, empathy, and personal growth. RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO "DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS" Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Connect with Eli: Book an adventure HERE - https://sdmdiving.com/ Instagram Connect with Danielle: Watch the show on YouTube Instagram The Treasured Journal Wrestling a Walrus 00:00 Introduction to the Podcast and Guest 00:13 Eli Martinez: The Adventurer's Journey 01:21 Connecting with Nature and Overcoming Fear 02:18 Building a Dream Career 05:59 Diving into the World of Sharks 12:16 The Power of Social Media and Storytelling 17:59 The Importance of Conservation and Ecotourism 21:40 Personal Growth Through Wildlife Experiences 28:40 Connecting with Nature and Self 29:07 The Lion Tracker's Guide to Life 29:38 Struggles with Anxiety and Self-Doubt 31:04 Emotional Awareness and Growth 32:00 Transformative Experiences in the Wild 35:03 Launching Shark Diver Magazine 35:55 Shifting from Magazine to Excursions 40:49 Dispelling the Predator Myth 48:28 Curiosity and Career Pivots 53:30 Conclusion and Final Thoughts Transcript Eli Martinez Podcast Interview [00:00:00] Danielle: Hello. Hello. This is Danielle Ireland and you are listening to Don't Cut Your Own Banks and Today's Guest. this has been a long time coming for me. I am so excited beyond excited to introduce Eli Martinez. Eli is an adventurer. [00:00:14] He's an explorer, he's an operator and owner of SDM Adventures. It's a group that leads land and ocean safaris. If you have ever seen these wild otherworldly images of people swimming with humpback whales, swimming with orca whales, swimming with crocodiles, swimming with anacondas. There's a good chance that you've stumbled across his images because he is one of the few, right? [00:00:42] It's a pretty small pool of people who make a living doing what he does, Images, they grab your attention, they hook your imagination. But it being on a screen, it's easy to think, well, that's so far removed from my life. what value is there in that for me? Like that's a cool image. But the internet has lots of cool images. [00:01:00] There's a couple of important distinctions and what I think makes this episode so special. What we talk about is dispelling the predator myth and my work as a therapist and his work as a safari guide. They don't seem too related, but there was one common thread that came out of this episode that it's gonna stick with me for a long time. [00:01:21] He's guiding people into the natural world to feel connected to the natural world in a deep and profound way. And when anybody sits with their emotional space. With their feelings. Feelings of discomfort, fear, terror, trauma. That's really hard to do and hard to hold. But when you do and access curiosity, you begin to tap into your true nature. [00:01:49] Your intuition, and so Eli might be talking about sharks and the deep ocean, and I might be talking about feelings, but there is a common thread in language here that makes this episode already one of my favorites. I can't wait for you to hear his story because not only is the work itself that we spent a lot of time talking about, fascinating. [00:02:10] He leads people on wildlife safaris in the ocean, on land. I mean, it's just. What a cool, amazing job. But he built that job. There wasn't an application for him to fill out. He built this from the ground up and there were stumbling blocks, missteps and pivots along the way, and he shares those with us. [00:02:30] So not only can we learn about how could I build a dream that I didn't know was possible, you also have the benefit of. Really getting a sense of what is it like, what is the value, what is the purpose? And I would argue where is the healing in connecting with the natural world, whether that's through a hike or through looking out your window. [00:02:53] And as he states a couple of times, just watch a sunset. Really watch a sunset. So I'm gonna save that. I'm gonna leave that for you there. Thank you for being here. You're gonna love this episode. Welcome, Eli Martinez. [00:03:08] [00:04:18] Danielle: Eli Martinez, thank you so much for being here with Don't cut your own bangs. [00:04:23] This is not the first time we've met, but this is the first time we've done a podcast together and I am like the little kid in me who wanted to be a marine biologist when she first knew what dolphins were. [00:04:34] This feels like just she feels so greedy with excitement to talk to someone who has made a living, being an adventure traveler and swimming with animals and interacting with animals all over the world. So I'm very excited to talk to you. [00:04:47] Eli: Actually, I was a little self-conscious about it because of, because of your background in psychology. [00:04:52] I'm like, okay, all right. where do I start? [00:04:55] Danielle: You know what? Yes. your family actually told me to schedule this podcast interview so that we could really get into what makes Eli tick. No, no, no, no, no., This is a celebration what I'm curious about personally, not just professionally working as a therapist, but I love understanding what leads people down, whatever path they end on. [00:05:16] And probably a lot of that is because I mistakenly thought during my twenties that you went through the school system. You graduate with a degree, you start working in that career, and you follow all of the steps to be a good. Citizen and that was not my path, and it was a lot more twisty and turny and there were a lot of pivots and I can see that now as of value. [00:05:43] But, in those moments where I thought I knew what I was going to be doing and life took me in a different direction, it. Knocked me down pretty hard I think there were a lot of moments where I felt like I was failing or wasn't doing it right, using air quotes of whatever it is. [00:05:59] And so someone like you who, are a storyteller, explorer, wildlife photographer, and have spent your life chasing the wild. you lead ocean and land wildlife, safaris. I love that distinction. Ocean and land, wildlife safaris. [00:06:15] There is not, you can't go to high school and then college and then just start doing what you're doing. There's no Reddit, there's no LinkedIn interview that you can fulfill to make that a career. You had to chisel that together. And so I really wanna understand that more. how you built this dream. [00:06:36] What seems from afar, like a dream life? And I'm sure it is many days, but I wanna know how you did it. [00:06:43] Eli: animals have always been like my first love, as a child, I can remember my first toys were animals. my dream as a child was to become a wildlife veterinarian. that was the only way I knew that I could actually physically be around animals that, 'cause I had no idea about wildlife guiding or photography or storytelling [00:07:05] So veterinarian was the only way I could get close to a zebra or a giraffe. And I said, that's what I want to do. So as a child, that was like that one dream that I had. And of course, life gets in the way and I went to a completely different route. I actually went to school to be a motorcycle mechanic. [00:07:23] So what? [00:07:24] Danielle: Yeah. [00:07:24] Eli: That's [00:07:25] Danielle: definitely a different route. [00:07:26] Eli: Yeah. No, it was, I fell in love with race bikes and I wanted to travel the world. look, me being a mechanic for race teams, that was my thing. I love motorcycles, but I like wrenching them. I like working on them more than I like writing them for, it's just my DNA, just how I like to be. [00:07:43] Fast forward a bunch of years, I fell in love with shark diving. I went scuba diving and on my very first. Dive. I saw a shark and it terrified me. It excited me. filled me with everything that I enjoyed about wildlife to begin with. [00:08:00] And it was coming out of the water that I realized I knew absolutely nothing about sharks. Everything I thought I knew was wrong. [00:08:09] Mm-hmm. , [00:08:10] So I, came outta the water that day and I was just completely fascinated, really obsessed with learning more about sharks. So I, I bought every book I could find. [00:08:20] I read as much as I could about them, and I just was like, I gotta get in the water with them some more. And it was on my very first, travel. I went to The Bahamas and it was on that experience is. What got me on this path that I'm on today was just like, I want to dive with sharks. I want to travel to exotic places. [00:08:41] I want to meet amazing people, [00:08:43] Danielle: How do you wait? Do okay? I, okay, so we're gonna get to the how. So you fell in love, and now it's the how, but I wanna go back. Do you remember the first shark, like in your, can you access that memory and do you know the shark? [00:08:55] I can. What was it? It was a bull shark. Oh, whoa. Okay. Yeah. that's gnarly. Yeah, that is. okay. The first shark you ever swam with was a bull shark. I don't know why that's like the one that scares me. I, I can relate. So not to put on the therapy hat for, for anything other than just, I find this so interesting that the things that scared me, I wanted to learn more about, I found endlessly interesting. [00:09:21] And when I was young it was the ocean, the deep ocean, And I really became, in the way that a suburban kid could really curious about sharks and very interested in sharks. And I would always talk about them and just rattle off a bunch of shark facts. [00:09:36] And I, as you were talking, you reminded me of the fork in the road moment where I thought. What I thought was I wanted to work with animals. What I realized was, oh, I just kinda like you love turning wrenches more than you love racing. I love learning about animals more than I want to. I'll just tell the story. [00:09:57] When I was, 13 or 14, I applied for a summer job at our Indianapolis Zoo. that really burst my bubble of what that was gonna mean. I wanted to work with animals. But I realized, I just wanted to play with the elephants. I didn't wanna do the dipping dots concession stand. [00:10:14] So there's this sense of you, you were afraid you shared that. I dove with sharks. I swam with a bull shark. I came outta the water. I was afraid and then fascinated. is that something there, is that like a theme for you that you feel a jolt or a rush and then you wanna understand that rush more? [00:10:31] Possibly, [00:10:32] Eli: it was just more of like, when I saw the shark, I had two primal instincts, which was, one was to follow it. And the other was to get outta the water. That was just like those two conflicting feelings that was going through me. [00:10:46] And the, when I was, I ran out of air really quick 'cause it was actually my very first ocean dive. [00:10:51] Okay. So I was sitting on the surface, the dive master sent me up to the surface by myself, which is crazy. And when I think about it, man, I didn't know anything I was doing. I'm just looking down. [00:11:01] I'm just like, really worried the shark is gonna come up and get me 'cause I'm on the surface. And that's all I knew. I always knew. I knew the jaw story. I knew a little, just very small snippets of information on sharks and Yeah. And it was completely opposite of what was happening. the shark wanted nothing to do with us. [00:11:17] It tried to avoid us completely. [00:11:18] Danielle: Yeah. [00:11:19] Eli: Got out of the water and then the whole way back to port, I was just like, okay. He didn't come after us. He didn't want anything to do with this. [00:11:28] Like, why? and it was that moment that was just like, after that I got out of the water, I'm like, okay. I gotta know. I gotta know. yeah. [00:11:36] Danielle: what you thought you knew, conflicted with what you experienced, and you were trying to understand that more. [00:11:42] Eli: Right. [00:11:43] Danielle: That's really interesting. I can relate to that. I honestly think that's a big thread of what led me to therapy. I wanted to understand my internal experience more. And I think there's, steps of you're introduced to a concept and then you embody the concept. [00:11:57] you're no longer having to consciously think about it, but really mastery when you're able to teach. And so I think in many ways I wanted to understand that enough to help others, but it began through my own experience and my own curiosity. so I feel like I should mention, How I got connected with you. [00:12:16] I think social media gets a bad rap. it gets a lot of bad press, but thank God for social media. it was in 2012 or 13 and I was watching Shark Week because you always gotta be watching Shark Week. [00:12:27] I was watching Shark Week and the whole episode I was watching was, they were trying to see could large species sharks experience the same temporary paralysis as smaller or baby sharks when they're flipped upside down for study? And I was, of course they're doing all of these great cuts, is it gonna work? [00:12:43] Who knows? Is it gonna work? And of course, they're gonna end it with it working, you're on the edge of your seat. what are they gonna do? What are they gonna do? And they showed a clip of you with a tiger shark in The Bahamas and you were like hand feeding it. And then you stimulated the and you correct me with all the science terms, but you were like stimulating the sout and it just put it in this little trance and then you just tipped it upright. [00:13:06] You just, it stood vertical and you held it just, a shark, a tiger shark. Yeah. I don't know. Was like 16 feet, 15 feet, something like that. [00:13:15] Eli: Possibly. yeah. Anyway, it [00:13:17] Danielle: blew my mind and I think I just made a post about it. I took a picture of my tv. I was like, my mind is blown. [00:13:24] And then some weeks later you commented, thanks so much for the shout out. And that was one of those first moments. That really connected with oh, you can actually connect with the people who were doing things that you think is cool. it just, it really bridged this gap. And then once, of course, I found out what you and your family, 'cause it's a family band, it's like a whole, it's the whole family involved on these excursions. [00:13:46] But as soon as I made that connection, my husband and I signed up to, swim with Whale Sharks with you and your wife, and your son and your daughter. So that's just, I feel like I gotta give credit to, the algorithm and the innerwebs fo…

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    Winning Isn't Everything: Lessons from Therapy Sessions Jun 30, 2025
    Show notes

    In this solo episode of 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs,' Danielle Ireland dives into key lessons from her recent therapy sessions, emphasizing the importance of relationships. She explores how the drive to 'win' an argument often results in everyone losing, the power of genuine apologies over hollow ones, and the significance of understanding rather than feigned confusion. Danielle also shares personal insights and practical steps to navigate relationship conflicts with compassion and kindness, while promoting her journaling tool, 'Treasured,' aimed at deepening personal growth and self-awareness. 00:00 Introduction and Purpose of the Solo Cast 01:47 Lessons from Therapy Sessions: Relationship Edition 03:03 Winning or Losing in Arguments 08:30 The Power of Pausing and Reflecting 14:23 Hollow Apologies and True Acknowledgment 18:02 Understanding and the Desire to Change 23:07 Final Thoughts and Encouragement RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO "DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS" Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Website: https://danielleireland.com/ The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com/ Blog: https://danielleireland.com/blog/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW Podcast on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@danielleireland8218/featured Transcript Winning Isn't Everything: Lessons from Therapy Sessions [00:00:00] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are listening to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs Today. I am coming at you with a solo cast. These are so fun for me for many reasons. it's like a living, breathing journal where I can process things that are happening in my life or things that I've learned with clients and therapy sessions or just new aha things or whatever's really exciting for me. [00:00:28] I get an opportunity to put those in a place. I have been having some really juicy, juicy therapy sessions with clients over the last couple weeks, and what I've started to do, There are moments when I'm in a session with a client and I'm taking notes or I'm listening to something they're processing or something will fly outta my mouth, just improvised in the moment and I will think to myself, damn. [00:00:52] That was a tasty dish that was really interesting or that was super poignant, or I get like full body chills and I don't really know exactly what to do with the information, but I wanna put it somewhere. And so what has ended up happening over the years is I'll scribble something on a post-it note or I'll scratch something at the top of the client note to try to revisit later. [00:01:15] Sometimes in previous lives I've written them into blog forms or just brought them up with my husband over dinner thinking this. And actually little sneak peek behind the curtain. That is one of the ways, one of the first ways that the title for wrestling a walrus came to me. [00:01:34] It happened in a therapy session. I'm pretty sure I used it just as a way to iterate whatever the client was processing or experiencing in the moment. I wrote it down and it just stuck with me. And there's lots of moments like that. And so what we're gonna talk about today in this solo cast is lessons from sessions, but the ones that are really focused in on relationships. [00:01:58] So this is the lessons from Sessions, relationship edition, solocast, and. The only thing that's ever shared, in this podcast space is the. [00:02:12] Lessons that are gleaned, the takeaways that we can all find value from in the human experience, not personal anecdotes, addresses, names, identifiable characteristics, nothing like that. The point is not to out anybody at all. One that would be terribly unethical and I would lose my license for it. [00:02:32] But also just on a human level that feels ick. That feels really icky. I think that anybody who's curious about therapy or anyone who is in therapy, but wondered what it would be like in someone else's session. There is this innate curiosity of, is anyone else dealing with this too? [00:02:48] Has anyone else ever thought this also, or what do you do when you face this? That is, I think, a healthy, normal, reasonable curiosity I love that there's a place to share that. So yeah, we're gonna talk about relationships. So winning or losing in the context of relationships, particularly in an argument, if the goal is to win or if, if the goal is to not lose. [00:03:15] Depends on what side you're on. Are you righteous or are you just digging your heels in and being stubborn? if you are fighting to win or doggedly. Preventing the feeling of loss. Somebody always loses, win or lose. Somebody always loses in that type of dynamic. [00:03:33] So what happens when we do a fake apology? A hollow apology. And the last is the phrase I hear a lot. I just don't understand. I just don't understand. So we're gonna talk about each of these, how they play out in relationships, what you might be able to find value from within them, where you may be able to see yourself in them. [00:03:55] And I'll also share where I see myself in these too. though I sit in a therapist chair when I'm actually working with clients. I do my own work. I'm human too, and we're figuring this out together. So let's start with. When it's about winning or losing, you always lose. I think what gets lost in most heated exchanges, if we even peel back before the disagreement itself, there is a momentum. [00:04:26] That leads to disagreements, whether a repeated pattern, a repeated behavior or a fight that we keep having over and over and over again. It's never just isolated in that moment in time, there is a momentum that leads to it. [00:04:43] The issue in the kitchen or the fight in the bedroom, or the feverishly upset text exchange, Thing that we are fighting for is to be heard or to feel validated or for the other person to give us something. Usually something in the context of, you are right, I was wrong. [00:05:03] I see it your way. I will change and I will never do that thing that has led us to this moment that makes you uncomfortable ever, ever again. We're looking for some kind of either validation or a guarantee, and some of that makes sense and some of that is. Just not. and it's hard to know in that moment in time when we are flooded with feelings we're escalating and two people have dug their heels in. [00:05:30] It's sometimes hard to see the woods through the trees, but. What I know to be absolutely true, having worked with couples who are actively fighting in front of me, which is not fun. It's probably my least favorite experience working as a therapist. it really activates my nervous system, but also in my own fights and my own disagreements with my husband. [00:05:52] For example, when I am fighting to prove myself right at his expense, the expense of his experience or his point of view. I will lose because I'm either going to say something hurtful to win or I'm not listening, so I'm not receiving any of the information he's sharing. And also, once I'm that flooded and fighting to get my point of view across, I'm no longer in the environment, and I'm no longer sitting in front of my husband. [00:06:21] I'm sitting across an enemy and I'm a battle. And once that happens, once that mode is activated. That's when our worst qualities, our most destructive behaviors, can rise to the surface, and that erodes trust. it creates the opposite of really looking for, we're looking to be heard, one of the things that can be helpful is to even just catch that you're in it. am I trying to win or am I trying to understand something new? Am I trying to win or am I seeking to be heard? Am I trying to win? Meaning I need to be right. [00:07:04] And because in order for me to be right, they have to be wrong. Now, there are of course times where there maybe is a clear cut right and wrong, but what I'm speaking about in this context is not physical altercations or the extremes that are a little more clearly discerned. It's those. Muddy, messy, icky moments with someone that you actually care about or somebody who has a relationship that's important to you. [00:07:33] 'cause maybe it's not always a spouse or a romantic partner. it could be a friend or could be a family member. It could even be a coworker, but they're not a villain. They're not evil. But that is also sometimes a trick that our mind will play on us when we are fighting so hard to win, is we'll make the other person an enemy and we'll convince ourselves a story about them [00:07:53] Whatever our mode of operating makes sense to us, but what you can do is if you catch yourself in that place, you're like, oh, the warrior, the Warrior's armors on, and I am trying to win. This is, by the way, the hardest thing for me to do. Anytime because whenever there is unease, unrest, discomfort in a relationship, my need to fix or my need to get to a resolution quickly is so strong. [00:08:26] One of the best things you can do is pause the conversation, pause and walk away for a little bit. if like me, you have that hypervigilance that that need for resolution, that need to care take. Or if you are a justice seeking person, you're like, I will fight the good fight. [00:08:46] This is going to be really freaking hard. but I absolutely know. Based on the science, based on what is happening in our brains, what's happening in our nervous system, when we are engaged in an interaction like that, win or lose, you're gonna lose. So the best thing you can do when you catch it, even if it's mid-sentence, is to, and I'll actually do this, I'll do something, I'll do a gesture with my hands. [00:09:13] Like I'll throw up my hands like this, like, woo, I need, I need to stop. Or I'll do a timeout, hand signal. But I'll take a breath. I'll pump the brakes. Literally and metaphorically, I'll pump the brakes on the conversation and I need to pause and take a beat. There's actually a really common thread that I've, clients have told me about and I've actually experienced in my own life. [00:09:38] many times. I'll get off of a heated phone call and I'll hang up, and then a few minutes will go by. something will soften or a new thought will come to me, or I'll have a moment of clarity, or I'll start to feel contrite and maybe a little guilty at something at how I said something or what I said, and I'll actually have a better opportunity to reconnect through sending a text. [00:10:05] Now, I'm not a fan of text fighting or avoiding actual connection through text, but there is this phenomenon of. I have to stop the chain of events. That's un that's gaining momentum that I have. I'm losing control and I'm fighting hard to win. And I press pause and I stop and I breathe and I reflect [00:10:28] And then I'm seeing things in a different way. And then the act of texting. Is not to avoid the deeper connection, but I think there is something to, similar to why I love journaling. I'm thinking about what I'm writing and I'm thinking about what I'm sending. And generally that is either an apology or a more well-formed thought or a clarifying statement or a question that helps reframe. [00:10:56] There is something about step out of the game. If you catch yourself in this like pickleball match of like point, counterpoint, point, counterpoint, point, counterpoint, you're just trying so hard to win. [00:11:08] Step outta the game. So the pause is not abandoning the other person or abandoning the topic altogether, or it's not avoiding it. But I need to get out of this. The rules and the context of this game win or lose. I'm gonna step out. I'm gonna breathe and, you know, you're in a better place to reapproach the conversation when I come back online. [00:11:31] That's the language I use. it's hard to articulate into words 'cause it's a full body experience, The more I am caught in winning or losing or making somebody wrong, my focus becomes really narrow and I only see the examples. I only see the points that prove my perspective. Right? When I step out of the game and I breathe, [00:11:57] I come back to the present moment. from that perspective, I'm able to actually see the context of a broader frame of reference, and that opens up the conversation to better possibilities that are less corrosive and less draining. [00:12:15] So the takeaway from there, if you are fighting to win or lose, you will always lose. There is a better way to do it and my recommendation is to pause, step outta the game, breathe, reframe, and only reenter back into that interaction. When you feel yourself come back online. if you are in a relationship with a partner where you were the one choosing to step away and they. [00:12:40] Have an anxious attachment style or they are maybe more like me in this example where they're like, but they need, they need, they need to resolve. [00:12:47] So letting them know that I'm not walking away from you and I'm not avoiding us coming to. A resolution together, but now is not the time for me and I can't be my best me and do this. So depending on who you are and where you fall in each dynamic, it can be helpful to sometimes tend to that. If you have a partner that is a little bit more anxious attachedIf you've ever wanted to start a journaling practice but didn't know where to start, or if you've been journaling off and on your whole life, but you're like, I wanna take this work deeper, I've got you covered. I've written a journal called Treasured, a Journal for unearthing you. It's broken down into seven key areas of your life, filled with stories, sentence stems, prompts, questions, and exercises. [00:13:28] All rooted in the work that I do with actual clients in my therapy sessions. I have given these examples to clients in sessions as homework, and they come back with insights that allow us to do such incredible work. This is something you can do in the privacy of your own home, whether you're in therapy or not. [00:13:47] It has context, it has guides. And hopefully some safety bumpers to help digging a little deeper feel possible, accessible and safe. You don't have to do this alone. And there's also a guided treasured meditation series that accompanies each section in the journal to help ease you into the processing state. [00:14:06] So my hope is to help guide you into feeling more secure with the most important relationship in your life, the one between you and you. Hop on over to the show notes and grab your copy today. And now back to the episode. [00:14:19] When I am, sorry. Falls flat. Ooh, there is nothing. Well, okay, maybe there are other things. It really bothers me when there is a hollow, like a chocolate Easter bunny empty on…

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    Pain as a Professor: Growing Through Life's Challenges with Ashlyn Thompson Jun 23, 2025
    Show notes

    Welcome back to 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs!' In this lively and heartfelt episode, Danielle Ireland chats with Ashlyn Thompson from the Parent Empowerment Network. Ashlyn shares her journey from growing her nonprofit organization to the emotional rollercoaster of her daughter's complex medical journey. Get ready to explore how pain can be an unexpected teacher, the magic of community support, and why tapping into creativity can be your secret weapon against anxiety. Filled with laughs, valuable insights, and touching moments, this episode is a treasure trove of wisdom and joy. Tune in and enjoy the ride! 00:00 Introduction and Guest Overview 00:20 Ashlyn Thompson's Journey and Nonprofit Growth 01:10 The Importance of Community and Support 01:37 Embracing Big Feelings and Finding Joy 02:52 Welcoming Ashlyn Back and Discussing Growth 05:44 Navigating Pain and Empowerment 09:51 The Power of Perspective and Decision Making 14:27 Balancing Life and Nonprofit Work 21:21 The Role of Pain as a Teacher 30:48 Finding Comfort in Movement and Nature 33:09 Returning to Basics 33:35 Reflecting on Past Decisions 35:20 The Role of Pain and Fear 38:20 Parent Empowerment Network 44:25 Creativity as a Lifeline 49:21 Embracing Emotions 53:07 Don't Cut Your Own Bangs Moment 01:01:20 Conclusion and Resources Ashlyn Thompson interview links Ashlyn Thompson, a passionate advocate and storyteller, is co-founder of the Parent Empowerment Network, a nonprofit providing emotional and mental health support to parents navigating pediatric medical complexities. She also co-hosts theEmpowered by Hope podcast, which equips parents with practical tools, resources, and a strong sense of community—delivered with a heavy dose of humor and hope to empower them as their child's best advocate. Ashlyn's fire for advocacy was ignited by her daughter Emery, who was born with bladder exstrophy. After Emery nearly died following a major surgery at just seven weeks old, Ashlyn became a fierce voice for patient safety. Unwilling to accept the limitations of domestic medical care, she discovered a surgical option in the U.K. that wasn't available in the U.S. at the time. In early 2023, Emery became the first American to undergo this procedure—and thanks to Ashlyn's relentless advocacy, that surgery is now available in America. When she's not advocating or recording podcasts, Ashlyn moonlights as a budding driveway chalk artist, chaos coordinator for her spirited family, and an avid nature lover. Chocolate is her daily vitamin, ADHD is her superpower, spiders and small talk are her sworn enemies, and she firmly believes laughter and boldness are two of a parent's greatest tools. Parent Empowerment Network: The Parent Empowerment Network exists to support, encourage, and educate parents of children with medical complexities—empowering them with community, knowledge, and confidence to be their child's fiercest advocate. www.ParentEmpowermentNetwork.org Empowered by Hope podcast on all major podcast streaming platforms: https://parentempowermentnetwork.org/podcast/ Social Media: Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/people/Parent-Empowerment-Network/100083218456295/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/parentempowermentnetwork/ She is Charlotte book by co-founder, Emily Whiting:https://parentempowermentnetwork.org/she-is-charlotte-book/ DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Website: https://danielleireland.com/ The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com/ Blog: https://danielleireland.com/blog/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW Podcast on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@danielleireland8218/featured "Don't Cut Your Own Bangs" is about creating a community around, and familiarity with, the messy middle—that uncertain and often chaotic and uncomfortable time in the middle of a process or journey. The messy middle is replete with ambiguity and challenges, but it's also where the hard and rewarding work happens. Transcript [00:00:00] Danielle: Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are watching or listening to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs. I am so excited to be back in the interview seat. We've done some solo cast. It's been a blast. But Ashlyn Thompson is here with me today, and we just wrapped an incredible conversation. Ashlyn came on as a guest to talk about her work with Charlotte's Hope Foundation a couple of years ago. [00:00:26] She was about ready to embark right in the interview we were, she was. Days away from embarking on a trip to the UK for her daughter having a surgery with the only surgeon in the world who performed the specific type of surgery that her daughter needed. Her daughter's made a full recovery. It's a beautiful story we're gonna get into in this episode, but what I'm truly, if you could imagine even beyond that beautiful story, what I'm so excited to introduce to you and to that I was so grateful to witness and learn from. [00:00:53] Is that Ashlyn has grown her nonprofit organization, not no money in organization, but yes, a nonprofit organization that at the time, two years ago when we last checked in with her, was called Charlotte's Hope Foundation. It has grown. It's expanded, and it's evolved, and it's now the Parent Empowerment Network. [00:01:10] She and her co-founder also have a podcast for that same work, and what I love about the work that they do. They create community connection space and resources for parents and families raising children or any provider helping a child navigate medical complexities. And that sounds like such a hard and heavy and challenging topic. [00:01:33] And it is. But what Ashlyn embodies is. The work that I really wanted to bring to this season and this new phase of don't cut your own bangs, which I want big feelings to feel less scary. I want approaching them to feel possible. And then with that in mind, wherever possible, as much as possible, finding lightness, levity, and joy. [00:01:54] However we can do it. And I'm telling you, in this episode we did that. We accomplished that. We talk about important things, we talk about heavy things, and Ashland is vulnerable in a way that is inviting. But also something we can all learn from. And through the specificity of her life experience and what she's learned, there are universal nuggets that we can all find value in. [00:02:17] I know I did, and this was such a beautiful place to share, and we laughed. We had joy, we smiled . I hope that this topic invites you and encourages you to lean in and tune in because there are so many great nuggets of this. Thank you for being here, and I can't wait for you to sit back, relax, and enjoy. [00:02:38] Ashlyn Thompson [00:02:39] Hi. Yes, I know. Big jumps for both of us. I know. I feel like we're, it does feel like a lifetime ago. It I mean, in many ways it is. It's like we're, I mean, I'm still, me and all the key players are still playing. Right. But it does feel like a different life in a way. And I, with that in mind, I just wanna officially welcome you back. [00:02:55] Yes. Welcome. Ashlyn Thompson. Oh, thank. Don't cut your own bangs. I am so excited that you're here for many reasons, but the thing I'm most excited about is I think that. Building something or starting something creates a certain amount of effort and energy. Sustaining something, growing with it, breathing new life into it, that's a different part of a different element of a creative process. [00:03:17] And that's something I think specifically I'm really excited to talk to you about because you're parent Empowerment Network, which has it, it exists to support, encourage and educate parents and caregivers of children with medical complexities. And that was, it already was in existence when we, right, when we recorded the first time. [00:03:34] But it has grown. Grown. I went to a gala, people, she's throwing a gala fundraiser for her for her network. And so, I mean, I wanna hear about all the twists and all the developments of that, but more specifically the context I wanna provide for us and for this conversation. The thing that I'm really excited about, , and why I feel really passionate about bringing this to video. [00:03:57] Is that I want to help make big feelings feel less scary. Yeah. And I want to make, approaching them feel possible. And then with that in mind as much and as often as possible, laugh as much as possible. Amen. And so, right? So like, you are swimming in the trenches with people and even in your own life with people who are holding and making space for heavy things. [00:04:23] Yes. And yet there is a bright smile on your face. There's a twinkle in your eye. You laugh and you smile. And I wanna, and I don't know how to articulate what that is, but I want to, I wanna, that's something I wanna make space for in this conversation too. So it's important and it's big and it's emotional for sure, but also like, let's allow levity too. [00:04:42] Absolutely. I am so excited to be continuing our conversation, and I'm also really happy to know that. The person who's sitting here with you today is very much a different person from two years ago. And I feel like I have gone through multiple versions of myself just in the past two years. And that's one of the things that I truly celebrate about, not just the journey of parent empowerment network, but I think just growing and evolving as a human spirit, experiencing this life is recognizing that I say this phrase to only certain people, but I act, I feel compelled to share it now. [00:05:26] I feel like I have died a thousand times. And greeted so many versions of myself. But every time I rise into that extroversion and realize who I am, I like that person more and more. And. I feel like one of my greatest accomplishments just this past year has been truly settling into a, knowing a deep belief that life is meant to grow through, not go through. [00:05:58] And that change, that pivot of how I see the next big thing that comes up has been such a grounding force for me and has really helped me feel like I'm actually sitting in the driver's seat of my car. I don't know what I'm going to pass as I'm on this highway. In life. And sometimes life yanks me off on an exit I didn't plan. [00:06:23] And those exit ramps are typically the next lesson. But I'm grateful to be at a point where I can now see the next really hard thing emerging and not wanna hit reverse. Wow. Wow. Not that I like it all the time. No, God. But I can appreciate that this isn't out to crush me. This isn't here to take me down like I used to feel. [00:06:53] , Wow. There's a lot to unpack there for. Thank you so much for sharing that, but also not going in reverse. I wanna make a mental note, not going in reverse. The next version of me, I like better, and this is not here to crush me. Right. The, there's something, I got chills. I got full body chills when you, the la with the last thing that you said, because when I'm working with clients, there is this element and this is something. [00:07:18] I promise I'll come back to that original point there. There's an element of the work that I do where, and I'm sure you get this in your own way too, with like hearing stories from families who are holding really hard and heavy things. I think when I meet people for the first time, a common response is, wow, I don't know how you do what you do, or I don't know how you listen to that all day. [00:07:36] Or Oh man, and I think, yes, sure. There, there are certainly days and clients or moments where those stories are making space for people's big, heavy, painful experiences. Right. Is can be a lot at times. Far less anymore. But I think more than anything the va like, I feel so lucky to have the experience a hundred maybe even thousands of times over hurt people's pain. [00:08:03] And I know what pain sounds like. Yes. And there are different types and one thing that I absolutely believe to be true is that our pain is not personal. Our story is personal, right? But pain is not personal. And the events of our life, even things that happen to us, it's, there's it's almost shifting out of a, and I hope I can say this within the context that, that is heard with love. [00:08:27] But shifting out of a victim mentality right into it. Because being victimized or being stricken with grief or holding something hard like that is absolutely real. And also knowing that this is happening to me, but this is not gosh, what are the words I'm trying to find. It, what I'm hearing is you recognize how hard this is. [00:08:51] Whatever that insert blank. I recognize how hard this is, and I'm not going to make this pain so precious that I don't also see it as temporary. Yes, exactly. But there's something, so I think there's something really powerful and there's so much nuance to that because I certainly don't want to, people can be victimized, but the victim mentality is one of, in my professional experience it's one of the more challenging headspace to, for someone to walk out of. [00:09:21] Agree. It's really hard. Exactly. It shrinks your world. So, so much. That's well said. And we experience that very often. We really fo I mean we say all the time, you know, we are non diagnosis specific, non prognosis specific with the families that we work with, and we focus on the parents or the parent role, which could be performed by a sibling, a grandparent, a friend, an adopt, a lot of different people, but. [00:09:51] What we really found early in our journey and what helped us evolve into parent empowerment network was that recognition that, like you pointed out, pain is not it's not customized to your experience. The feeling, the emotional and physical experience relationship with pain is common through all of us, and it actually is a way that we can connect with each other when we recognize that. [00:10:18] When we stop comparing one another's pains. Now, don't get me wrong, if your kid got a bump on the head versus your kid needs a, you know, brain surgery. Right. Those are different. Yes. Very different. Yes. But most of the time we're not dealing with that. And what we have found is that when somebody is in that victim mentality, which is understandable, I think that's a, very important aspect to acknowledge when you're feeling like a victim, why is this happening to me? Or why is this happening to my child? Because I'll be the first to say, it's never okay when your child is hurting or sick or in harm's way or worse. I will never be okay with it. But when we say stuck in a victim mentality, our ability to problem solve goes from about here to here. [00:11:08] Yeah. And then your child is really the one who suffers. And I hate, it's a hard truth. But we have to face that truth because when we can help a parent start to find glimmers of hope, start to see that there's a way to build on quality of life rather than cure. Then you start to see this new version emerge where they are truly, you know, empowered advocates for their child. [00:11:45] There's something that I heard in what you said too, that a lot of times when I'm working with clients who are maybe kne…

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    Welcome Back to 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs': New Beginnings in Video Podcasting! Jun 16, 2025
    Show notes

    Danielle Ireland, kicks off the new video era of 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs' by reintroducing herself, reflecting on her journey from ballroom dance instructor to therapist, and discussing her new children's book 'Wrestling a Walrus for Little People with Big Feelings.' She candidly shares her fears and procrastination battle, revealing how overcoming them led her here. Danielle outlines what's to come in the podcast, including solo casts and insightful interviews, and emphasizes her mission to make big feelings feel less scary. Join her for meaningful conversations, personal growth, and plenty of laughs. 00:00 Welcome to the Video Podcast 00:34 Overcoming Fear and Procrastination 02:07 Reintroducing Myself and the Podcast 02:42 Writing a Children's Book 03:50 The Heartbeat of the Podcast 05:01 Future Podcast Plans 08:41 Personal Updates and Challenges 12:01 Top Episodes and Gratitude 13:18 Final Thoughts and Encouragement THE TREASURED JOURNAL - https://danielleireland.com/journal The one tool I recommend to all of my therapy clients is journaling. Getting your thoughts out of your head and down on the page is a simple act that can change your life. I made the Treasured Journal for anyone who wants to dig a little deeper but doesn't know where to start. The questions, prompts, and sentence stems in the journal will help support you in exploring the big feelings in your life. Learn more about this specially designed journal and its companion Meditation Series at https://danielleireland.com/journal. READ DANIELLE ON SUBSTACK I'm now on Substack and I'd love for you to check it out. Substack is its own platform that is teeming with my favorite thought leaders, writers, and authors—incredible people out in the world who are asking interesting questions and exploring interesting answers. I'm throwing my hat in the ring and putting engaging content out there, too. So, click the link (https://danielleireland.substack.com/) to subscribe. You'll stay up to date and never miss out on the best new material. VISIT DANIELLE'S WEBSITE If you'd like more content like this and you want to stay in the know, hop on over to my website (https://danielleireland.com/) and hit subscribe. There you will always be up to date on the latest learning material, my blog, and other meaningful content. Just click on the website so that you never miss out. RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO "DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS" Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Website: https://danielleireland.com/ The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com/ Blog: https://danielleireland.com/blog/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW Podcast on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@danielleireland8218/featured [00:00:08] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are listening or watching. Don't cut your own bangs. I wanted to take this opportunity with this new video. [00:00:19] to say hello and reintroduce myself. Whether you are joining for the first time, or you've been a long time listener since the podcast first began, I just wanna welcome you back and welcome myself to the video podcasting space. [00:00:34] I put it off for a long time. Mostly because I didn't know if I could figure it out and I was afraid. But that is also what this podcast is about. When I was transitioning from working as a ballroom dance instructor to building a career as a therapist and all of those twisty zigzags in between, there was a lot of uncertainty, a lot of doubt, and can I freaking do this? [00:01:00] And what I have found to be true. only every single time is that whenever I approach something new that excites me, that I really want, that's just like, just teetering on the growth edge. I feel the same way every time. I don't know if I can do this. This is gonna be really hard, maybe I shouldn't. And then I do, a dance of procrastination where I. [00:01:26] Learn a little bit, feel kind of frozen, and we'll re-watch a comfort show, binge Parks and Rec or Gilmore Girls, and then that feeling, that pestering knock on the internal doors, like, Hey, are you gonna come play with us? And so then I try to pick the baton back up and learn a little bit more. And so inch by inch by inch. [00:01:48] I find myself here on video doing a podcast, which actually feels great. But this, that's the other thing too. It's like if you can get over your fear just enough to try to do the thing and you start doing the thing you've been putting off almost every time you find out, oh, it was really not as scary as I thought, or nor was it as hard as I thought. [00:02:07] What I wanted to do was reintroduce myself if you're new to the podcast, and give you an idea of what you can expect in these upcoming episodes. 'cause I'm figuring it out too. And then also just share a little bit about what I've been doing between the last time I was really recording consistently and now, and hopefully humanize the gap and. [00:02:32] Just kind of rev myself back up into doing something that I love, which is sharing, sharing the space with you. So what have I been doing? I wrote a children's book. It is called Wrestling a Walrus for little People with Big Feelings. I'm a parent of two. I have a 4-year-old and a one and a half year old, and they have big. [00:02:53] Freaking feelings. I haven't decided yet. If I'm gonna openly curse at every podcast I've ever done, I let myself curse. But somehow like this being on video, I feel different about it. We'll figure that out along the way too. But I wrote this book and I actually did a mini series about the writing process with Emily Sutherland, who is the woman who helped me edit the book, who has been my children's book Guiding Light in this whole writing processing. [00:03:21] And cultivating slash self-publishing process. And so if you want to do a deeper dive into that, you can. It's only in audio. It's not video, But, this, this book is a big reason why I'm excited in a renewed way to record this podcast and put it in. [00:03:42] Another format that potentially makes it more accessible, because I believe in this book, I love this little book. it's a little book with a big idea. And that idea has been, I think the, the heartbeat of what made me love this work in the podcast space as well as the work I do as a therapist, which is when we confront a seemingly insurmountable obstacle. [00:04:08] And in this case it happens to be. A large feeling or a walrus. But when we confront something that seems impossible, we will use every well worn, familiar, mostly ineffective way to tackle that obstacle. And because what we want is for the obstacle to not be an obstacle. What we want is for the obstacle to change. [00:04:31] But what I know through my own lived experience and what I know through walking. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people through their most painful processes is that what makes the obstacle move is an internal movement, emotions or energy in motion. They want you to move. They have something for you to learn. [00:04:58] And that's what I wanna talk about here in this space. So we will have a combination moving forward of solo casts where it'll be like this with me, just you and me here in this space, Talking about really key specific takeaways that come through my practice as a therapist. [00:05:18] I'm not going to be sharing any secrets from what clients are divulging personally, but there's this beautiful balance between specificity of a moment that seems so unique to an individual that almost the deeper you go in. What you find on the other side is this universality, this common thread that is bigger than the individual, that's bigger than the story, and it's something we can all learn from and grow from together. [00:05:48] And then beyond the solo casts, which will be. Generally between 20 and 30 minutes, we will have interviews. Again, I miss interviews. That was how the podcast began, mostly because I was afraid afraid of the format. so I thought if I just bring someone along with me and I talk to them, I'll have something to talk about. [00:06:07] turns out I have no shortages of things to say, We wanna have guests back. I wanna talk to, I wanna revisit some of our most popular interviews. I wanna have them back and catch up. Where are they now? Because as a creator and as an ever evolving, growing person, when you shift out of the starting something phase and you're in a, I need to keep it alive phase. [00:06:31] That's a different point of view, that's a different energy, that's a different focus. And that's going to lead to a different conversation. And I wanna know where people are because I was right in the beginning of my podcasting journey with some of the, my favorite interviews of all time. And I've grown, I've changed. [00:06:47] And I know that they have two. So we're gonna invite some old friends back, not old chronologically. Biologically, in the. Lifespan of the podcast, but we're gonna invite them back and continue those conversations as well as invite some new friends that either I've never met or you've never met, and we're gonna just grow and have really fun, in-depth, meaningful discussion. [00:07:12] But here's what you can expect every time, whether it's just me or whether it's me and a friend having a meaningful conversation or interview. What I really wanna do in this podcast is make big feelings feel less scary. I want to help make them feel easier to understand, and I wanna make approaching them feel possible because it is possible. [00:07:35] And whenever possible, as much as possible, I wanna laugh mostly for my own healing, and my own, I guess selfish reasons. But what I have found to be true time and time again is when we are faced with truth, like not just something that sounds true or an interesting fact, but when we are hit with something that is undeniably true, it elicits a physiological response and we either cry in those moments or laugh [00:08:07] I hold a lot of space for tears for people, and I think for my own sense of balance and for my own selfish need. I wanna laugh, and I think when you can turn challenges into something that amuses you or delights you. That is a real power move. I wanna discover that in real time here and I wanna discover that with you. [00:08:33] And so that is my goal. That's my goal with this next wave of the podcast to share a little history and what has been going on in this break? when I got pregnant with my son, Who's a year and a half old now. I lost a lot of extra energy reserve, which on the face value of it sounds like, of course. [00:08:52] That makes sense. but I have also seen and felt the opposite when I was pregnant with my first, I had this Almost like extra adrenaline edge that made me wanna go, go, go and make, make, make, and do, do, do. And with my son, I just felt like if there was like a buns and burner for my life force energy, it was dialed down. [00:09:12] And not just in a depressive way, but my light dimmed. I was burning more and didn't have extra fuel to put into things outside of where I absolutely needed to show up, therapy home, my physical health. and that left me in kind of a limbic space with this. [00:09:33] I loved making it, but I had changed and I needed to allow this to change with me The process of writing this beautiful little book for little people with big feelings, helped me reignite a creative spark that I was missing. I started this about a year ago, and again, if you want to know [00:09:56] how the book began, how I wrote it, why all of the little twists and turns into the actual nuts and bolts of how I wrote the book and how I made the book. you can, there's a whole podcast miniseries on that, specifically with Emily Sutherland. But all that to say is that that process of making this idea from an idea to a living thing helped light a new spark in me [00:10:20] Reignited my excitement, enthusiasm to show up here. The other experience that happened is that, somebody tried to create a podcast with the same name and I had to take some pretty strong action to protect the content that I put a lot of love and effort and sweat, and energy into cultivating. And in that process of fighting for it, I had a fork in the road moment where I essentially had to decide. [00:10:48] Okay, you're gonna fight for it, but what are you fighting for? Are you fighting for it because you don't want someone else to touch it? Or are you fighting for it because you still wanna do something with it? And what I realized was that little push was kind of, it felt like a nudge, just a gentle nudge saying, Hey, do you still wanna play with us? [00:11:10] Do you still wanna do something here? And then the answer was yes. So that was the other, and ugh. And then I moved, I moved, oh, I moved houses. And it was, it was a lot. I am humbled. There's, there's experiences you hear about and you think you know about until you experience them yourself. And I did not understand. [00:11:34] What the energetic toll of moving a house with small children and for the people who do that all the time or who have done that many times over, maybe you get better at it with time, but damn it is, it's, it, it takes a toll too. So for all those reasons and more, I had to, or rather chose to take a pause on the podcast, but I love, I love being back and I love that we're here. [00:12:01] And another thing that's important too, especially if you're new to the Don't Cut Your Own Banks podcast. So we have 172 episodes in the bank, in the back catalog, and I love every single one of them. But what I wanna do is make for new people that are discovering the podcast for the first time, I wanna make. [00:12:24] Your lives a wee bit easier. And so what I've done is gone through and combed through the archives and the 50 most listened to most downloaded episodes. Those are the ones that are gonna remain and everything else is gonna stay in the back catalog. [00:12:38] A lot of great, great episodes and interviews and solo cast, but what you're going to see if you are just listening to this, when you file back, you're gonna see the top 50 most listened to most downloaded episodes. I hope you go through and listen to them at your leisure. I know there's a lot of content out there. [00:12:54] I know there's a lot of places you can be, but yeah, those are some real gems that are sitting there for you. And mostly I just wanna say thank you if you are still listening. Thank you for being here. Thank you if you've been there since the beginning. Thanks for still listening. Thanks for joining me in this new journey and video. [00:13:13] I'm going to continue to learn and get better and hopefully improve. And this is gonna be a really fun, this is gonna be an awesome adventure and. As always, your time, your care, your a…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    Welcome Back to 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs': New Beginnings in Video Podcasting! Jun 03, 2025
    Show notes

    Danielle Ireland, kicks off the new video era of 'Don't Cut Your Own Bangs' by reintroducing herself, reflecting on her journey from ballroom dance instructor to therapist, and discussing her new children's book 'Wrestling a Walrus for Little People with Big Feelings.' She candidly shares her fears and procrastination battle, revealing how overcoming them led her here. Danielle outlines what's to come in the podcast, including solo casts and insightful interviews, and emphasizes her mission to make big feelings feel less scary. Join her for meaningful conversations, personal growth, and plenty of laughs. 00:00 Welcome to the Video Podcast 00:34 Overcoming Fear and Procrastination 02:07 Reintroducing Myself and the Podcast 02:42 Writing a Children's Book 03:50 The Heartbeat of the Podcast 05:01 Future Podcast Plans 08:41 Personal Updates and Challenges 12:01 Top Episodes and Gratitude 13:18 Final Thoughts and Encouragement THE TREASURED JOURNAL - https://danielleireland.com/journal The one tool I recommend to all of my therapy clients is journaling. Getting your thoughts out of your head and down on the page is a simple act that can change your life. I made the Treasured Journal for anyone who wants to dig a little deeper but doesn't know where to start. The questions, prompts, and sentence stems in the journal will help support you in exploring the big feelings in your life. Learn more about this specially designed journal and its companion Meditation Series at https://danielleireland.com/journal. READ DANIELLE ON SUBSTACK I'm now on Substack and I'd love for you to check it out. Substack is its own platform that is teeming with my favorite thought leaders, writers, and authors—incredible people out in the world who are asking interesting questions and exploring interesting answers. I'm throwing my hat in the ring and putting engaging content out there, too. So, click the link (https://danielleireland.substack.com/) to subscribe. You'll stay up to date and never miss out on the best new material. VISIT DANIELLE'S WEBSITE If you'd like more content like this and you want to stay in the know, hop on over to my website (https://danielleireland.com/) and hit subscribe. There you will always be up to date on the latest learning material, my blog, and other meaningful content. Just click on the website so that you never miss out. RATE, REVIEW, SUBSCRIBE TO "DON'T CUT YOUR OWN BANGS" Like your favorite recipe or song, the best things in life are shared. When you rate, review, and subscribe to this podcast, your engagement helps me connect with other listeners just like you. Plus, subscriptions just make life easier for everybody. It's one less thing for you to think about and you can easily keep up to date on everything that's new. So, please rate, review, and subscribe today. DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below. Website: https://danielleireland.com/ The Treasured Journal: https://danielleireland.com/journal Substack: https://danielleireland.substack.com/ Blog: https://danielleireland.com/blog/ Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW Podcast on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@danielleireland8218/featured [00:00:08] Hello. Hello, this is Danielle Ireland and you are listening or watching. Don't cut your own bangs. I wanted to take this opportunity with this new video. [00:00:19] to say hello and reintroduce myself. Whether you are joining for the first time, or you've been a long time listener since the podcast first began, I just wanna welcome you back and welcome myself to the video podcasting space. [00:00:34] I put it off for a long time. Mostly because I didn't know if I could figure it out and I was afraid. But that is also what this podcast is about. When I was transitioning from working as a ballroom dance instructor to building a career as a therapist and all of those twisty zigzags in between, there was a lot of uncertainty, a lot of doubt, and can I freaking do this? [00:01:00] And what I have found to be true. only every single time is that whenever I approach something new that excites me, that I really want, that's just like, just teetering on the growth edge. I feel the same way every time. I don't know if I can do this. This is gonna be really hard, maybe I shouldn't. And then I do, a dance of procrastination where I. [00:01:26] Learn a little bit, feel kind of frozen, and we'll re-watch a comfort show, binge Parks and Rec or Gilmore Girls, and then that feeling, that pestering knock on the internal doors, like, Hey, are you gonna come play with us? And so then I try to pick the baton back up and learn a little bit more. And so inch by inch by inch. [00:01:48] I find myself here on video doing a podcast, which actually feels great. But this, that's the other thing too. It's like if you can get over your fear just enough to try to do the thing and you start doing the thing you've been putting off almost every time you find out, oh, it was really not as scary as I thought, or nor was it as hard as I thought. [00:02:07] What I wanted to do was reintroduce myself if you're new to the podcast, and give you an idea of what you can expect in these upcoming episodes. 'cause I'm figuring it out too. And then also just share a little bit about what I've been doing between the last time I was really recording consistently and now, and hopefully humanize the gap and. [00:02:32] Just kind of rev myself back up into doing something that I love, which is sharing, sharing the space with you. So what have I been doing? I wrote a children's book. It is called Wrestling a Walrus for little People with Big Feelings. I'm a parent of two. I have a 4-year-old and a one and a half year old, and they have big. [00:02:53] Freaking feelings. I haven't decided yet. If I'm gonna openly curse at every podcast I've ever done, I let myself curse. But somehow like this being on video, I feel different about it. We'll figure that out along the way too. But I wrote this book and I actually did a mini series about the writing process with Emily Sutherland, who is the woman who helped me edit the book, who has been my children's book Guiding Light in this whole writing processing. [00:03:21] And cultivating slash self-publishing process. And so if you want to do a deeper dive into that, you can. It's only in audio. It's not video, But, this, this book is a big reason why I'm excited in a renewed way to record this podcast and put it in. [00:03:42] Another format that potentially makes it more accessible, because I believe in this book, I love this little book. it's a little book with a big idea. And that idea has been, I think the, the heartbeat of what made me love this work in the podcast space as well as the work I do as a therapist, which is when we confront a seemingly insurmountable obstacle. [00:04:08] And in this case it happens to be. A large feeling or a walrus. But when we confront something that seems impossible, we will use every well worn, familiar, mostly ineffective way to tackle that obstacle. And because what we want is for the obstacle to not be an obstacle. What we want is for the obstacle to change. [00:04:31] But what I know through my own lived experience and what I know through walking. Hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of people through their most painful processes is that what makes the obstacle move is an internal movement, emotions or energy in motion. They want you to move. They have something for you to learn. [00:04:58] And that's what I wanna talk about here in this space. So we will have a combination moving forward of solo casts where it'll be like this with me, just you and me here in this space, Talking about really key specific takeaways that come through my practice as a therapist. [00:05:18] I'm not going to be sharing any secrets from what clients are divulging personally, but there's this beautiful balance between specificity of a moment that seems so unique to an individual that almost the deeper you go in. What you find on the other side is this universality, this common thread that is bigger than the individual, that's bigger than the story, and it's something we can all learn from and grow from together. [00:05:48] And then beyond the solo casts, which will be. Generally between 20 and 30 minutes, we will have interviews. Again, I miss interviews. That was how the podcast began, mostly because I was afraid afraid of the format. so I thought if I just bring someone along with me and I talk to them, I'll have something to talk about. [00:06:07] turns out I have no shortages of things to say, We wanna have guests back. I wanna talk to, I wanna revisit some of our most popular interviews. I wanna have them back and catch up. Where are they now? Because as a creator and as an ever evolving, growing person, when you shift out of the starting something phase and you're in a, I need to keep it alive phase. [00:06:31] That's a different point of view, that's a different energy, that's a different focus. And that's going to lead to a different conversation. And I wanna know where people are because I was right in the beginning of my podcasting journey with some of the, my favorite interviews of all time. And I've grown, I've changed. [00:06:47] And I know that they have two. So we're gonna invite some old friends back, not old chronologically. Biologically, in the. Lifespan of the podcast, but we're gonna invite them back and continue those conversations as well as invite some new friends that either I've never met or you've never met, and we're gonna just grow and have really fun, in-depth, meaningful discussion. [00:07:12] But here's what you can expect every time, whether it's just me or whether it's me and a friend having a meaningful conversation or interview. What I really wanna do in this podcast is make big feelings feel less scary. I want to help make them feel easier to understand, and I wanna make approaching them feel possible because it is possible. [00:07:35] And whenever possible, as much as possible, I wanna laugh mostly for my own healing, and my own, I guess selfish reasons. But what I have found to be true time and time again is when we are faced with truth, like not just something that sounds true or an interesting fact, but when we are hit with something that is undeniably true, it elicits a physiological response and we either cry in those moments or laugh [00:08:07] I hold a lot of space for tears for people, and I think for my own sense of balance and for my own selfish need. I wanna laugh, and I think when you can turn challenges into something that amuses you or delights you. That is a real power move. I wanna discover that in real time here and I wanna discover that with you. [00:08:33] And so that is my goal. That's my goal with this next wave of the podcast to share a little history and what has been going on in this break? when I got pregnant with my son, Who's a year and a half old now. I lost a lot of extra energy reserve, which on the face value of it sounds like, of course. [00:08:52] That makes sense. but I have also seen and felt the opposite when I was pregnant with my first, I had this Almost like extra adrenaline edge that made me wanna go, go, go and make, make, make, and do, do, do. And with my son, I just felt like if there was like a buns and burner for my life force energy, it was dialed down. [00:09:12] And not just in a depressive way, but my light dimmed. I was burning more and didn't have extra fuel to put into things outside of where I absolutely needed to show up, therapy home, my physical health. and that left me in kind of a limbic space with this. [00:09:33] I loved making it, but I had changed and I needed to allow this to change with me The process of writing this beautiful little book for little people with big feelings, helped me reignite a creative spark that I was missing. I started this about a year ago, and again, if you want to know [00:09:56] how the book began, how I wrote it, why all of the little twists and turns into the actual nuts and bolts of how I wrote the book and how I made the book. you can, there's a whole podcast miniseries on that, specifically with Emily Sutherland. But all that to say is that that process of making this idea from an idea to a living thing helped light a new spark in me [00:10:20] Reignited my excitement, enthusiasm to show up here. The other experience that happened is that, somebody tried to create a podcast with the same name and I had to take some pretty strong action to protect the content that I put a lot of love and effort and sweat, and energy into cultivating. And in that process of fighting for it, I had a fork in the road moment where I essentially had to decide. [00:10:48] Okay, you're gonna fight for it, but what are you fighting for? Are you fighting for it because you don't want someone else to touch it? Or are you fighting for it because you still wanna do something with it? And what I realized was that little push was kind of, it felt like a nudge, just a gentle nudge saying, Hey, do you still wanna play with us? [00:11:10] Do you still wanna do something here? And then the answer was yes. So that was the other, and ugh. And then I moved, I moved, oh, I moved houses. And it was, it was a lot. I am humbled. There's, there's experiences you hear about and you think you know about until you experience them yourself. And I did not understand. [00:11:34] What the energetic toll of moving a house with small children and for the people who do that all the time or who have done that many times over, maybe you get better at it with time, but damn it is, it's, it, it takes a toll too. So for all those reasons and more, I had to, or rather chose to take a pause on the podcast, but I love, I love being back and I love that we're here. [00:12:01] And another thing that's important too, especially if you're new to the Don't Cut Your Own Banks podcast. So we have 172 episodes in the bank, in the back catalog, and I love every single one of them. But what I wanna do is make for new people that are discovering the podcast for the first time, I wanna make. [00:12:24] Your lives a wee bit easier. And so what I've done is gone through and combed through the archives and the 50 most listened to most downloaded episodes. Those are the ones that are gonna remain and everything else is gonna stay in the back catalog. [00:12:38] A lot of great, great episodes and interviews and solo cast, but what you're going to see if you are just listening to this, when you file back, you're gonna see the top 50 most listened to most downloaded episodes. I hope you go through and listen to them at your leisure. I know there's a lot of content out there. [00:12:54] I know there's a lot of places you can be, but yeah, those are some real gems that are sitting there for you. And mostly I just wanna say thank you if you are still listening. Thank you for being here. Thank you if you've been there since the beginning. Thanks for still listening. Thanks for joining me in this new journey and video. [00:13:13] I'm going to continue to learn and get better and hopefully improve. And this is gonna be a really fun, this is gonna be an awesome adventure and. As always, your time, your care, your a…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    Creativity Miniseries: The Toolkit Mar 31, 2025
    Show notes

    Welcome back to the final episode of the Creativity Miniseries! In this conversation, Emily Sutherland and I open up our personal creativity toolkits and share the resources and strategies that help us bring our ideas to life.

    Working on this miniseries with Emily has been an absolute joy. She's not just an incredible creative and coach—she's also become a trusted friend and advisor throughout the development of Wrestling a Walrus, my first children's book. I truly could not imagine doing this without her.

    Interestingly, we didn't plan on recording another discussion on the creative process, but that's exactly where our behind-the scenes, warm-up conversation led us. So, we left it in. I think you might find some usefulness in this bonus material as we share our thoughts on the value of authenticity, the importance of differentiating yourself, and the surprising relationship between uncertainty and clarity.

    A huge thank you to Emily for her wisdom and generosity, and to you for joining us as part of the creative community.

    Buy my NEW book Wrestling a Walrus, HERE!

    SPECIAL MENTIONS

    Emily Sutherland's Storytelling for Business (April 4, 2025) and Nurturing Your Creative Self (May 9, 2025) - https://www.emilysutherland.me/events

    Storytelling Community (Substack) - https://open.substack.com/pub/storytellingcommunity

    The Secret Lies Within by "Auntie Anne" Beiler and Emily H. Sutherland - http://bit.ly/3FmIxPT

    Betsy B. Murphy - https://substack.com/@betsybmurphy or http://betsybmurphy.com/

    Vanessa Marin, sex therapist on IG @vanessaandxander

    PROCESS TOOLKIT

    Write it down when you feel it (and be prepared in the middle of the night).

    Be ready for the idea.

    Be discerning about what, when, and who to share your idea with.

    When your idea is at a tender stage, who are your tender people? Do you need an editor or a cheerleader?

    Journaling. Let the creative juices flow without requiring an outcome.

    The more you write, the more ideas will come. Immerse yourself and trust the process.

    Try on new ideas to see if they go anywhere.

    "I make what I like, and they eat it how they want to eat it." - Erykah Badu to Donald Glover

    ELECTRONIC TOOLS

    Manuscript Software - Scrivener - affiliate link: https://www.literatureandlatte.com/scrivener/overview?fpr=emilysuth

    Google Docs, YouTube, and Apps (e.g., voice memo, talk-to-text, notes)

    IngramSpark - https://www.ingramspark.com/

    Kindle Direct Publishing - https://www.amazon.com/stores/author/B008241EAQ

    Storytelling Workshops - https://www.emilysutherland.me/events

    PHYSICAL TOOLS

    Fine Tip Sharpie Pen or The Pilot G2 (in multiple colors!)

    Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert - https://www.elizabethgilbert.com/books/big-magic/

    Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott - https://writingforyourlife.com/bird-by-bird-some-instructions-on-writing-and-life/

    The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron - https://juliacameronlive.com/books-by-julia/

    Rifle Paper Company little notebooks (great for lefties!) - https://riflepaperco.com/

    The Treasured Journal - https://danielleireland.com/journal

    DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW

    Thank you for your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.

    Website - https://danielleireland.com/

    The Treasured Journal - https://danielleireland.com/journal

    Substack - https://danielleireland.substack.com/

    Blog - https://danielleireland.com/blog/

    Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw

    Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW

    Podcast on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@danielleireland8218/featured


    Creativity Miniseries: Creation Mar 17, 2025
    Show notes

    Creative expression can be a powerful tool for personal healing and growth because the creative work we do is so connected to the healing work we need.

    From following along in this Creativity Miniseries, you know that Emily Sutherland has been my special guest on this journey. Emily is a ghostwriter, published author, coach, and executive storyteller. Together, we have explored the messy, magical stages of bringing an idea to life—Inspiration, Preparation, and Perspiration. Now, we've arrived at the final stage: Creation.

    In the Creation stage, you pour your heart into the work, but how do you know when it's truly finished? Is it ever really done? When is it time to share your creation with the world? This final stage of the process can feel both vulnerable and exhilarating. Emily and I explore it all.

    While this episode covers the last stage in our series on the creative process, we're not done just yet! Stick around for our next episode, when we share our Creativity Toolkit—packed with tips on making time for your craft, resources for self-publishing, and much more.

    Thank you for listening!

    Buy my NEW book Wrestling a Walrus, HERE!

    RESOURCES

    Emily Sutherland's Storytelling for Business (April 4, 2025) and Nurturing Your Creative Self (May 9, 2025) -https://www.emilysutherland.me/events

    Emily H. Sutherland website - https://www.emilysutherland.me/

    Madeleine L'Engle - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madeleine_L%27Engle

    IngramSpark - https://www.ingramspark.com/

    THE TREASURED JOURNAL

    Learn more about this specially designed journal and its companion Meditation Series at https://danielleireland.com/journal

    DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW

    Thank you for your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.

    Website - https://danielleireland.com/

    Substack - https://danielleireland.substack.com/

    Blog - https://danielleireland.com/blog/

    Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw

    Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW

    Podcast on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@danielleireland8218/featured


    Creativity Miniseries: Perspiration Mar 03, 2025
    Show notes

    Welcome back to our Creativity Miniseries on Don't Cut Your Own Bangs! We're diving into the next (and sweatiest) stage of creativity: perspiration! This is where ideas move from being dreams and start becoming reality.

    I'm joined once again by my brilliant friend, Emily H. Sutherland—a ghostwriter, published author, coach, and executive storyteller. Together, we're getting real about what it takes to push past resistance, embrace creativity, and bring your ideas to life.

    We use our own messy, sweaty experiences—including my upcoming children's book—to illustrate the difference between "just do it" sweating and "shame" sweating. And, we share how movement, breath work, and self-imposed deadlines can help you power through creative roadblocks.

    If you've ever felt stuck between having a great idea and making it happen, this episode is your ticket to action—no perfection required.

    Buy my NEW book Wrestling a Walrus, HERE!

    RESOURCES

    Emily Sutherland's Storytelling for Business (April 4, 2025) and Nurturing Your Creative Self (May 9, 2025) - https://www.emilysutherland.me/events

    Emily H. Sutherland website - https://www.emilysutherland.me/

    Anne Lamott - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_Lamott

    Jen Edds at the Brassy Broadcasting Company - https://brassybroad.com/

    THE TREASURED JOURNAL

    Getting your thoughts out of your head and down on the page is a simple act that can change your life. I made the Treasured Journal for anyone who wants to dig a little deeper but doesn't know where to start. The questions, prompts, and sentence stems in the journal will help support you in exploring the big feelings in your life. Learn more about this specially designed journal and its companion Meditation Series at https://danielleireland.com/journal.

    DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW

    I greatly appreciate your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.

    Website - https://danielleireland.com/

    Substack - https://danielleireland.substack.com/

    Blog - https://danielleireland.com/blog/

    Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw

    Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW

    Podcast on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@danielleireland8218/featured


    Creativity Miniseries: Preparation Feb 17, 2025
    Show notes

    Welcome back to Don't Cut Your Own Bangs and our Creativity Miniseries! I'm thrilled to continue this deep dive into the creative process alongside my friend and fellow creative, Emily H. Sutherland—a ghostwriter, published author, coach, and executive storyteller. Together, we're exploring what it means to embrace creativity, break through resistance, and bring ideas to life.

    In our last episode, we discussed the first stage of creativity: inspiration—how talking about creativity, building community around it, and applying maybe a little bit of structure can allow ideas to feel more tangible and possible.

    Now, we're moving into the next phase: preparation—the crucial but often overlooked step that turns inspiration into something real. Preparation can feel deceptively inactive—even lazy. But in reality, nothing is wasted. This stage is where clarity and intention come together, setting the foundation for everything that follows.

    If you've ever felt stuck between having a great idea and actually making it happen, this miniseries is for you!

    Buy my new book Wrestling a Walrus, HERE!

    THE TREASURED JOURNAL

    The one tool I recommend to all of my therapy clients is journaling. Getting your thoughts out of your head and down on the page is a simple act that can change your life. The Treasured Journal is for anyone who wants to dig a little deeper but doesn't know where to start. The questions, prompts, and sentence stems in the journal will help support you in exploring the big feelings in your life. Learn more about this specially designed journal and its companion Meditation Series at https://danielleireland.com/journal.

    EMILY SUTHERLAND

    Website - https://www.emilysutherland.me/

    Storytelling for Business (April 4, 2025) -https://www.emilysutherland.me/events

    Nurturing Your Creative Self (May 9, 2025) - https://www.emilysutherland.me/events

    DANIELLE IRELAND, LCSW

    Thank you for your support and engagement as part of the Don't Cut Your Own Bangs community. Feel free to reach out with questions, comments, or anything you'd like to share. You can connect with me at any of the links below.

    Website - https://danielleireland.com/

    The Treasured Journal - https://danielleireland.com/journal

    Substack - https://danielleireland.substack.com/

    Blog - https://danielleireland.com/blog/

    Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/danielleireland_lcsw

    Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/danielleireland.LCSW

    Podcast on YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@danielleireland8218/featured


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