Dad University Podcast

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Establishing a Night Time Routine – Dudes To Dads Ep 151 Jan 24, 2018

Show notes

People have been in world wars, some of been stuck in mine shafts for days on end without food, There are those that have been tortured by enemies.....none of these, I repeat none of these are as difficult as dealing with night time with a toddler. So today's topic is Establishing a Night Time Routine While we could have multiple episodes just about getting a baby, toddler, or child to sleep through the nite. That's a subject on it's own. We are specifically talking about the 2 hours or so of time before your child is going to sleep. Establishing a routine is good from the time the baby is born. However what we are covering here is the age when your child is old enough to begin doing things on their own. Side note here: your child is ready to do things on their own much before you probably recognize. Night time is a battle zone in houses across the world. So the hope here is to offer some advice to make night time a little easier for both you and your child. The best piece of advice is to create a schedule. This helped "reduce" the battles in my house. Notice I said reduce not eliminate. Step #1 - Take inventory - Write down all of the things you need your child to do before their head hits the pillow - Bath, brush teeth, put on pajamas, read a story, etc. Put them in chronological order. Step #2 - Establish the bedtime you want them to have. If you are unsure, the earlier, the better. My kids had 7:30pm for a long time. I know people who's young kids don't go to bed until 10:00 or 11:00 o'clock. If that works for you that's fine. But it is recommended that kids go to sleep early and get plenty of sleep....especially when they start school. Step #3 - Work backwards with realistic time slots. For example, if you wanted a bedtime of 8:00, they probably have to be the bed to read by 7:30. Then before that they need to brush their teeth and hair at 7:20. Step #4 - Dinner time gets established - This is a crucial step as dinner time then becomes the crucial foundation for the schedule. If dinner is off, the entire schedule may get thrown off. Step #5 - Print out multiple copies and laminate them - I put copies of the schedule in each of my children's rooms as well as in our kitchen. When we first started, because we had them laminated, we had check boxes next to each item and allowed the kids to mark them off. When they are little, they like this. While the schedule is the best way to establish their routine, there are some tips that are crucial to it's success: Some tips: - Night time can be hard because you are tired and want to do your own things. - Have your children take part in creating the schedule. allow them to help establish the times. - Must be on same page with spouse - it won't work if one wants routine and other doesn't. - Consider a little more flexible routine on weekend but not too flexible. Maybe they get another hour. - "Winding down" is really important. Reading is a good way to do this. Playing games and using electronics is not recommended before bed. They are stimulating and won't help the process. - You will need to give warnings on time but may want to try asking questions instead of telling them. "What comes after putting pajamas on?" - Be consistent - kids thrive on routine and consistency - Why do you think you watch the same movie 500 times or read the same bedtime story 1000 times. Here is the link to Jason's night time schedule he created: night schedule

Dudes To Dads Podcast Episode Awards – Ep 150 Jan 17, 2018

Show notes

In celebration of our 150th episode we are looking back to celebrate ourselves. In fact we are giving ourselves awards. I have come up with a few categories and have selected the winners myself. I can do that since I don't have a staff of people or a writer's guild or a bunch of judges. Our first award is: 1) Most Popular Episode - the winner is Episode 49 - which was "39 Life Hacks for Dads" 2) Most Controversial Podcast - the winner is Episode 105 - Does Punishing Your Kids Work? There are people that still believe that spanking your child works. 3) Most Important Episode - Fighting Depression with Gratitude - episode 91 4) Biggest Rant Episode - Episode 149 - Phone Addiction - Parents Need To Put Their Phone Down 5) Most Impactful Episode for Alan - Episode 8 - Interview With a Dad – Tantrums, Delivery Room Horror 6) Most Impactful Episode for Jason - Episode 102 - Everyone is Responsible For My Happiness & Everyone Else Causes My Pain 7) Most Enjoyable Episode for Alan - Episode 148 - The Best 80s TV shows for Parenting 8) Most Enjoyable Episode for Jason - 100 - Interview with my Dad

Phone Addiction – Parents Need to Put Their Phones Down – Dudes To Dads Ep 149 Jan 09, 2018

Show notes

This episode is basically a rant about being on your phone: #putyourphonedown If you are on your phone, you can't be fully present. Jason provides a few examples of the situation he witnessed in which people were on their phone, not paying attention to the people in their presence.

The Best 80s TV Shows to Learn Parenting – Dudes To Dads Ep 148 Jan 02, 2018

Show notes

There are some classic TV shows that provide parents insight and examples that we all have to deal with. While I watched these shows as a kid, seeing them as an adult has provided a new level of respect for the knowledge they share and the family values that are displayed. Here is my list: 1. Family Ties - Parents of 2 girls and one boy, they are hippies (or very liberal) and have political views on the complete opposite side of their son Alex. While there are many differences, they allow their kids to find their own way. They are great coaches and mentors for their kids. 2. Cosby Show - While the real-life Bill Cosby has had some major legal and moral issues, the TV show dad and his wife were raising 5 kids with all kinds tests for parents: cheating in school, boyfriend/girlfriend issues, etc. The parents had deep discussions with their kids and would also be considered strict. 3. Different Strokes - The dynamics of an old white rich guy who adopts two young black kids is just exceptional. Mr. D as he is called, often finds himself in dilemmas. He talks often talks through the situations with love and kindness. is full of wisdom and teachings 4. Webster - Websters parents died and he went to live with his dad's friend George. Like many, George really didn't know much about parenting but really loved the boy. You watch him struggle with various topics and ultimately have a very strong bond with the child. Dealt with topics like bullying 5. Growing Pains - The dad, Dr. Seaver is a psychiatrist and works from home so he has a lot of interactions with his kids daily. They had 3 kids with very distinctive personalities, always getting into mischief, squabbling, and solving problems. 6. Full House - This one is good from the dad perspective as there are 3 men in the house trying to look over the kids. There was a lot of good advice. They were always "talking it out." Each kid was always having some major issue that had to be solved. They have brought it back to Fuller House. 7. Rosanne - Middle-class family showing a strong working woman. They tackled some difficult topics. Not everything was 8. Brady Bunch - My favorite has to be the Brady Bunch. The husband and wife each had 3 kids when they get married. The life lessons in the episodes are just too many to name: bullying, friendships, how they treat each other. There is a lot of advice on how to get along with other people (brothers and sisters when there are many. They all love each other even though they often get on each other's nerves. So maybe TV isn't a bad thing. I have introduced my kids to a few of these shows and watching it with them gave me a new fondness for the advice and insight the shows brought.

New Year’s Challenges To Be a Better Dad – Resolutions for Fathers – Dudes To Dads Ep 147 Dec 26, 2017

Show notes

In a few days it's going o be 2018. So we put together his list of new year's resolutions for dads. In the new year, these are ways we can improve our parenting and roles as fathers: Be more affectionate towards the kids - At least a hug and kiss every day Listen more, talk less - They don't need answers on everything Read with my kids at night - Whether you read or they read doesn't matter Spend more one on one time - If you have more than one child, make an effort to do something just one on one Have more meals together as a family Reduce or eliminate yelling Listen to Dudes To Dads Podcast every week Watch Dad University videos on YouTube (or Facebook) every week) Provide more positive re-enforcement - catch them being good and say it Love the child you have not the one you want Get outside more - go hiking, camping, enjoy nature and teach them about nature. Get fresh air Practice gratitude more - It will make you happier Plan more - It is proven we are happier when we have something to look forward to. Plan more events, trips, outings, or just together time. Make the house healthier - less sugar, drink more water, healthier choices for food, exercise Get more sleep - Everyone in the house can benefit from more sleep Allow mistakes - both for you and your kids Set a great example for my kids Setting a good example is the most important one to remember. You can't expect changes in your child unless you make changes.

Should We Reward Kids For Good Grades? Dudes To Dads Ep 146 Dec 19, 2017

Show notes

I was talking to another parent that was explaining the different amounts of money their child gets depending on their grades. $20 for this, $10 for this, etc. Have you ever been rewarded for your grades? either money or a gift? Parents will often use reward charts to shape behavior. To me it's like a rat with cheese. What happens if there is no cheese? The rat ain't going in that direction. This is the same problem with reward charts. Have you ever seen sticker charts and you get a star if you do this? A sticker if you do that? You totally are removing the intrinsic value of accomplishing something. The child does not learn the true value of the accomplishment. Whether that is completing a task, reaching a goal, helping someone, or whatever. These are all things that happen inside. Reward is external. With grade, the reward is the grade, not anything else. You got the A. That is your reward. There has been numerous studies where children were provided money for results. There were no significant changes in performance. Money does not buy long term success. It is a short term solution. Here are a couple of ways we can help kids with grades: Focus on effort not grade - Highlight the hard work rather than grade itself Limit screen time - must get work done before playing Encourage reading - find topics they enjoy Help but don't do - you are there for support but not doing work for them Let them fail - Missing homework, assignments, etc. Positive re-inforcement - Doing homework, reading So please parents, do not pay your kids for doing well in school. Their reward is doing well in school. What about that child who simply isn't as smart as the others? For them , getting a C does take effort. Do we reward the effort? That was a trick question, we don't reward the effort.

Raising Resilient Kids – 10 Tips to Build Resiliency – Dudes To Dads Ep 145 Dec 12, 2017

Show notes

While my wife and I would joke about keeping our kids in a large bubble, the reality is that we need to teach them resiliency to not be greatly effected by life's ups and downs. From bullying to stress, building resiliency can help kids navigate through life just a little easier. Facing tough situations. Tragedy, trauma, or adversity. It doesn't mean always leaving them alone to fend for themselves. Loving relationships and support are important in children building resiliency. But there are definitely things we can do as parents to help them build that resiliency muscle. Schools are starting to teach these skills as well. Helping kids understand how to manage stress and providing life skills that will help them. Here are some ways to build resiliency Let them make mistakes - Natural consequences. This can be not finishing homework to missing basketball practice. Let them problem solve - Ask questions instead of providing answers Don't always accommodate - Our intention is good but the end result is a child that can't sleep on their own, looks down when they talk to you, or fearful of situations. Allow risk - Eliminating all risk keeps them from developing resiliency Teach them emotional intelligence - being aware and understand emotions helps with coping mechanisms Practice Mindfulnness - Meditation is a great ways to strengthen the mind. It can teach calming mechanisms and reduce stress. Exercise - Physically resiliency. Making you strong and powerful. Watching a group of young kids playing a sports, you can easily see who is more resilient than the others. Introduce them to new experiences - get them outside their comfort zone. Be sure they have responsibilities at home - cleaning, washing, food, etc. Connect with Characters - From books to movies, there are examples of people who faced with adversity and shows how they handle it. We cannot control others but we can control ourselves. for example, a bully. While you can't control what someone else says or does, you can control your response to it. It is ultimately a choice on how we let things effect us. Resiliency gives us more options.

How to Listen – 11 Ways to Improve Your Listening Skills – Dudes To Dads Ep 144 Dec 05, 2017

Show notes

Today we are talking about one of the most important skills a person can have: listening. Being a good listener can help you professionally as well as personally. It can improve the relationship with your spouse and help create a good relationship with your children. However, research suggests that we remember only 25-50 percent of what we hear. So the reality is that most people are not good listeners. As men, I can probably say in general we are not as good listeners as women. Here are 11 tips: 1. Avoid interruptions - Don't conversation hijak telling them that you understand prematurely. Allow the person to finish their thought. Slow down 2. Stop Thinking about your response. focus on the other person. It's not about you. 3. Ask questions - come from a place of curiosity not judgement 4. Clarify their statement - it's ok to repeat what they say or to confirm what they are saying to ensure you understand 5. Looks at the person directly in their eyes or at least close to them. Face them. 6. Focus on one thing at a time - If the person begins to cover too many topics, feel free to make sure you understand one point before going to the next. 7. Be empathetic - Do not problem solve - Say something like "That must really be difficult. or I'm sorry you are feeling that way. Try to put yourself in their shoes. 8. Look at non-verbal cues - Pay attention to their body language, facial expressions, tone of voice. 9. Be open minded - You don't have to agree or be right. When someone feels they are being listened to, it becomes really powerful. 10. Repeat their words in your head - If you have trouble, try repeating the words they are saying in your mind. 11. Summarize - Bring everything they are saying together to make sure you understand it Being a good listener is something we can all work on. As a father, we really want our kids to listen to us. A great way to do this is to show them that you are really listening to them.

Are You Overindulging Your Child? Stop Spoiling Them – Dudes To Dads Ep 143 Nov 28, 2017

Show notes

We all want our kids to be happy. Parents often think that by giving their child stuff or having an abundance of freedom, they are making them happy. Unfortunately this is very short lived stimuli. What we need to be doing is teaching them to be capable and to feel good about themselves for who and what they are, not what they have. So how do we do this? Well let's identify what overindulging means. In the old days, we called this being spoiled. Of course this is purely my opinion (and I can't even speak for Alan). I'll provide you what I think is overindulging. I'm certainly not saying I'm innocent or have never done any of these things: Unlimited screen time (hours and hours of games or television) Doing your kids responsibilities for them (cleaning, dishes, trash, etc.) Buying a 16 year old a brand new expensive car Buying too many toys Having rules but not enforcing them Allowing young children to dress much older Routinely giving money to children or teens so they can spend it/have fun Routinely buying expensive and trendy clothes for them Allowing younger children to watch mature content (language, violence, nudity) Carrying your 4 year old, tying a 6 year old's shoes, or carrying their backpack if they are in school Children eating excess junk food or candy So what happens if you overindulge your child? What are the consequences? It can make the children ungrateful They are less able to delay gratification - they need it now! Leads to materialism - putting tremendous value on thing If its junk food/candy - can lead to unhealthy eating habits, obesity Spoiled brat / attitude problems So how do we avoid overindulging our kids? Create rules and expect your child will follow them. Enforce the rules Make sure your child is a contributing member of the family. They should have age appropriate responsibilities and be held accountable Be ok with saying no - See episode 66 on tips on how to say no Provide them guidance, love, and support rather than material things If they want something, have them set a goal and create a means to achieve it. Teach them the difference between needing something and wanting something.

The Importance of Play – Let Your Kids Have Fun – Dudes To Dads Ep 142 Nov 21, 2017

Show notes

Typically my kids come in when it gets dark out. I remember growing up, when the street lights come on, that was the time to go in. The other day, it had been dark for about an hour and my kids were still outside. I went outside to call them in for dinner and witnessed something that was almost too good to interupt. There were 7 to 8 kids laughing and playing a not so serious game of basketball. At that moment, I remembered how much I used to enjoy nights like that growing up. I waited for a break in the play and said, "come inside in about 15 minutes". They chimed back "ok". There is no question that kids of today "play less" than kids in the past. Keep in mind we are talking about "unstructured play". While sports or games might be considered play, we are speaking about phisycal, non-electronic, and spontaneous play. What is the reason for the change.? Here are a few explanations for a reduction in play: There is less space to play - Where I grew up, the homes backed up to large forest. I would imagine a lot of that area has now been developed with homes. There is just less space. Replacing play with electronics - Gaming, phones, or televisions. Having access to all of these provides entertainment, versus playing. Kids are not going outside if they are playing video games. Environment is more dangerous - Many parents don't want their kids roaming around or going far from the house. When we grew up it wasn't uncommon for us to ride our bikes miles and miles away. The perception is that it was much safer back then. Much less time to play - Whether kids are involved in other activities or schools/parents are focused on academic preparation, there is much less time to play. So why is play so important? Here are some benefits that people have associated over the years with research: Promotes problem solving skills Learn to get along with others/social skills Improves Memory Conflict resolution Stronger self-regulation Better at math Allows them to work through emotions Improves physical development Builds imagination So what can we do as parents to encourage play? 1. We need to make sure we provide them the time to play. Stop putting your kids in so many activities. Piano lessons, language tutoring, multiple sports, etc are just too much for kids. 2. We need to make sure offer them a safe place for them to play. If your neighborhood isn't safe, bring them to a park or even indoor play area. 3. The play should be fun and self-directed 4. When young, we may possibly need to find them others to play with - schedule playdates 5. Encourage games and play that is fun and active: hide and seek, dance, sports activities, building stuff, riding bikes, etc. The summary here is that play is a really good thing for kids. Encourage them to play and provide them an environment that allows them to play

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