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Using the Scale of 1 to 10 in Your Life – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 161 Apr 04, 2018

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I wanted to talk about a technique my mother used to use on so many things. It was a really simple way she would measure things. It could be how bad a cut hurt when I fell off my bike, to judging the taste of a meal at a restaurant. I'm talking about using the Scale of 1 to 10. What you assign the numbers depends on the context but it became a common way in our family to measure things. It help teach kids measurement and analysis. Here are a few examples: Your 7 year old gets hit in the back by a ball and starts crying. You can say, from a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being doesn't hurt at all and 10 you have to go to the hospital immediately, how bad does it hurt. It then forces them to evaluate the seriousness of a situation. Here is another example in your own life: You got invited to an office party that your not sure you want to go to. You can assign a number to it. 1 is a horrible, boring party and 10 is the best time of your life. You can have a measurement for yourself that says when things are under 5, I will choose not to go, unless there is a really good reason. But it does help you evaluate situations and assign value to them. This works in business all the time. You see customer surveys or evaluations that include scales like this. Why not include it in our own lives. Alan, have you ever used a scale like this in your own life? Of course people have used the scale for evaluating how someone looks. The truth is you can apply this to so many things in your children's life. You can teach them how to evaluate things. Here are some examples: From a scale of 1 to 10: How much do you like soccer? 1 you hate it and 10 you love it. We have a few different choices of what to do on Saturday. How badly do you want to go to the park? 1 you don't want to versus 10 you can't live without going to the park. Then follow up with evaluating the alternative When they get hurt, it's a great tool. From a scale of 1 to 10, how bad does your finger hurt? You get the idea. Teach your kids the 1 to 10 scale it really helps measure the things around you. Thanks mom.

Why Love Languages Are So Important – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 160 Mar 27, 2018

Show notes

There is a very popular book called "The 5 Love Languages" The author is Dr. Gary Chapman. The major concept is that there are 5 different love languages and we all have preferences on how we prefer to receive love (and also give love could be different). So let's go over what the 5 love languages are: Words of Affirmation - Use words to affirm other people. In it's simplicity, your spouse saying "I love you" or when you they tell you how wonderful you are, that really resonates with you. For others, it may not mean much. For example, with me, words don't mean much. I have to quote "see it to believe it". Acts of Service - People of this language love when someone does something for them. This one is really big with my wife. She often makes an omelette and I saw the ingredients out but she was upstairs with the kids. I went ahead and made the omelette for her. I then went upstairs and she said "Oh I need to make my omelette" She walked downstairs and was so surprised. She expressed so much gratitude for me doing that. Receiving Gifts - There are people who really like presents. They love being showered with gifts and when you give them a gift, they attach a lot of meaning behind it. My wife for example, isn't really into gifts. So me buying her gifts is not as powerful as acts of service. Quality Time - For these people, spending time with others is crucial. But the time needs to be good as well. For example, if someone is on their phone while you are talking with them or they are not paying attention to you, this will not work. This is definitely one of my love languages. Physical Touch - Hugs, kisses, and affection are important in this love langauge. You feel loved by physical touch. We all have a primary love language and often we may have more than one. For example I have two which are pretty equal which is quality time and physical touch. There is a free quiz on www.5lovelanguages.com You can take a quiz for yourself or for your child. The purpose of me sharing this is to help you maximize your efficiency of effort. If you learn what your wife's love language is, then you don't have to waste effort on the stuff that doesn't matter. Put more focus on the the languages that do matter. This goes for your kids as well. You can take the test for your kids to understand their love language. i think overall it's a really valuable tool for relationships.

Creating Family Rules – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 159 Mar 20, 2018

Show notes

As a child goes from a baby to a toddler, they begin to understand rules. Words like "NO" come into play. When they are toddlers, it's a great idea to establish family rules that everyone needs to follow. It begin to teach them boundaries. We created a family rule rule chart and I'll put a link to it in the show notes so people can download it as an example. Ours were: 1. Listen to each other 2. Say Please & Thank you 3. Use nice words 4. Always tell the truth 5. Love each other 6. No whining 7. Help around the house 8. Eat good stuff before bad 9. Exercise & Play 10. Be happy You might choose to get very specific: for example: take your shoes off before coming into the house or no food is allowed outside the kitchen. It has to work for your family. Here are some general tips for making it work: Include everyone in the creation - Have a family meeting and discuss what the plan is. Explain the purpose of it and why it's important. Ask your child or children what rules they think should be on the list. They will be more inclined to want to follow them if they create it. Write down any decent suggestion. Keep them simple - If you have young kids, they need to be able to understand it Narrow down the list - After you have received input from everyone, begin to discuss what are the most important rules. Try to keep it somewhat limited. 10 rules is a good number but you can use whatever works for your family. Explain that the rules apply to the family, wherever we are and within our house if there are guests. So if a friend is over, they need to follow the rules too Try to keep it positive - Instead of saying "no yelling" maybe consider "use nice words to everyone" - Instead of saying "no hitting or kicking", you could say "keep hands and feet to ourselves" - Instead of saying "no lying", say "always tell the truth" Print it and display it - Laminating is even better. Put it in multiple places if needed Refer to the list often - If rules are being broken, refer to the list. Maybe review it on a regular basis with your child to make sure they are understanding them. Review the list regularly - make sure it is something you still want to have as a rule. Or maybe you need to focus on some other things If you are interested in the sample you can download our Family Rules chart.

How to Identify and Nurture Your Child’s Talents – Dudes To Dads Podcast – Ep 158 Mar 14, 2018

Show notes

We focus so much of our attention on improving what we are not very good at. It seems that it would be much more fruitful for us to focus on what we are good at. Put all of our effort on the areas where we are talented. So how do you figure this out with your children? Or help them figure it out. Well it turns out there are some ways that you can identify their talents and help with nurturing those talents. Whether your child is an amazing musician, exceptional athlete, tremendously smart, or they have specific parts of their personality that really shine, there are some things you can do: 1) Keep your dreams out of it - Just because you were a star football player, doesn't mean your child is going to have the same talent. Also, it seems pretty clear that if someone 2) Watch and learn - Are you sending them to piano lessons every week and they simply are not getting it. Maybe it's not their thing. You may continually see your daughter drawing pictures. She loves drawing and the pictures are pretty good. Maybe art lessons would be more appropriate than piano lessons. Again, focus on what they are showing both interest and progress. 3) Let them try numerous things - No need to keep them in baseball in they don't like it. Allow them to try different hobbies, sports, creative outlets, or different interests. Instead of thinking that they "can't stick to one thing" think of it as an exploration of finding their talent. or the reality is they may not have talents in those kind of areas. Maybe they are really good in school or really care about animals. Those types of things can be nurtured too. 4) Manage Your Expectations - Even if you kept your dreams out, you still may have expectations on how they should perform or what they "should" be good at. Try to keep those expectations in check and just let them be. Love the child you have instead of the one you want. Be sure not to compare them to others either. 5) Offer Education - This means if your child has an area that they excel in or a talent, possibly provide them learning opportunities either through books, classes, or some other means. In the art example, there may be art classes which offer the child the ability to learn proper techniques. If your child seems to be really good at a sport, maybe getting them some books about the history of the sport or techniques to improve their skills. and finally: 6) Provide Encouragement - While we often want to praise the child for their accomplishments, we really don't need to praise them in that way. Instead of saying "I'm so proud of you" be sure to say "You should really be proud of yourself." We want the encouragement and praise to come from within themselves, not from us. We don't want them to look for us for affirmation.

Pushing Ourselves Out of Our Comfort Zone – How the Day of Madness Changed Me – Dudes To Dads Ep 157 Mar 06, 2018

Show notes

This past weekend on Sunday, I accomplished a personal challenge that I had set a few months ago. This was both a mental and physical accomplishment. I had a lot of anxiety building up to the days before this event. The event was called the "Day of Madness". Months ago a friend/neighbor of mine came to me and said "hey, I'm organizing the Day of Madness and I think it would be fun if you did it. We are going to do a bunch of physical things in one day. It started out with quite a few people but between schedules, flight delays, and other just simply backing out, there were 4 of us left. It originated that he wanted to go surfing and snow skiing in the same day. We live just a few miles from the beach, and about 2.5 hours from the snow. I said, sure it sounds like fun. The plan developed further to include running and golf. So here was the end result: We headed to the beach at around 5:30am. We surfed for about 45 minutes, changed and then ran the Encinitas half marathon. After the marathon, we got cryotherapy at Chiltonic (a great place here locally) and then went golfing. We golfed for 18 holes at a local course and then hopped on a bus waiting for us and drove 2 1/2 hours to go night skiing. Why am I sharing this? I really had self doubt about being able to do this. I was really pushing myself outside of my comfort zone. Honestly I had never run more than a mile or two before a few weeks ago when i started training. I don't even like to run. I wasn't sure my body would hold up to it. Let alone running after a surfing session. While I surfed as a kid, i maybe surfed a few times in the last 10 years. My friend seemed very confident that I would be fine even though I didn't have the same confidence. I had tremendous anxiety leading up to the day. Not only with organization of what I was going to need but fear I was going to get hurt or that some part of my body wouldn't make it through. I can tell you that the day of the event was surreal. Right before starting the run i was feeling physically stronger than I can ever remember. I was listening to music in one ear, and the adrenaline in my body (along with the caffeine I had consumed) sent me into an incredible state. Sure I was nervous, but I felt like I could conquer the world. I had not felt that kind of "high" in a while. It reminded me doing sports and pumping yourself up before a big game. You simply rise to the occasion Well except for realizing muscles I didn't know I have, I felt really good about what i had accomplished. I was proud of myself and my friends for taking this challenge on and finishing. What i wanted to convey in this podcast is that pushing ourselves beyond our comfort zone can be extremely rewarding. We often doubt ourselves. We don't think we are strong enough, smart enough, or however we are judging ourselves. I was guilty of it too. But if you can push through, there is a great reward on the other side. The feeling of accomplishment, the experience of something new, or even the self confidence. This can be a physical challenge like i did, something in your personal life, business life, or anything of which an obstacle may be holding you back or fear is keeping you from growing. The day of madness may have been a crazy thing, but it really did impact what i thought I was capable of. I was very much out of my comfort zone and I love the result. I'm not too interested in running again anytime soon, but give me a year, I'll surely consider it again.

Money Saving Tips For New Parents – Dudes To Dads Ep – 156 Feb 27, 2018

Show notes

Having a baby can be pretty scary. What's even more scary is thinking about how much a new baby is going to cost. The average American family spends over $12,000 on child related expenses before the baby's first birthday. According to the Department of Agriculture, a child costs on average $233,000 by the time they are 17. That doesn't include the cost if they go to college or decide to live with you until they are 34 years old. I'm not a financial planner or certified to give financial advice, but I can tell you some thing that helped our family when we had our first child and some things financially I wish I would have done better. #1 - Save money before the baby is born - This was one of the things I wish I had done better. While I did get rid of the expensive bachelor toys, I didn't consciously put money aside for our first child. This is a good idea to reduce some of the financial stress and burden that can happen once the baby arrives. #2 - Nurse instead of formula - While you may not have much say in this one, nursing is pretty much free. It does cost time for mom but formula is expensive. And those little ones down that stuff like crazy. #3 - Make your own baby food - This was something my wife was really good with. Use a blender and puree all kinds of foods that your baby can eat. In addition to being healthy, this can save you a lot of money. You can make tons of food in ice cube trays, freeze it, and then use them as needed. #4 - Get hand me down clothes and toys - Before i had a child, I recalled thinking I wouldn't want my child wearing used clothes or playing with some other kid's toys. Boy did that change once the child was born and you see how fast they go through clothes. Toys either get wasted because of boredom or there is simply too many. Let family, friends, and neighbors know you welcome any clothes or toys they may be done with. #5 - Buy used - If you don't get a lot of hand me downs, consider buying used clothes or toys at consignment stores, craigslist, or a handful of apps that now make it really easy to buy/sell things. Maybe there are some special things that you decide are worth buying new, but realistically there is so much money wasted in the early years. #6 - Go to your local library - Reading with your child is really important. But why spend tons of money on new books all the time. Your local library is an awesome place to get free books. Use it as a resource. #7 - Eat at home - We can talk about the health benefits of eating at home, but for this podcast we are talking about saving money. Whether you eat out for lunch during the workday or your family goes out to dinner, consider eating at home. While this may be difficult for some people, you will save a lot of money by making your own meals. #8 - Buy in bulk - Whether you are making your own food at home, or you are purchasing things for the baby, bulk is the way to go. Don't buy the small pack of diapers or the single pack of anything. Learn to buy in bulk and save a lot. #9 - and finally a bonus tip to tell your friends and family - Contribute to the child's savings account instead of giving them presents While grandma may feel the need to buy her grandson his 11th stuffed animal, recommend that friends and family can put money is the child's savings account instead. There is a tendency to have too much stuff. The truth is that children don't need 5 of the same action figures in different sizes or every princess dress ever created. We can begin to practice minimalism early on. The savings account is a much better investment for the child. Well, that's all we have for today. We would love to hear from you. What are some ways you have found to save money as a new parent?

Empathy Can Change Your Life For the Better – Dudes To Dads Ep 155 Feb 21, 2018

Show notes

I've said it before and I'll say it again, empathy is the single most important parenting technique I have learned. It has saved me in so many situations from getting upset. It has also helped me connect with my children on a much greater level. I would venture to say it has also been one of the most important things in positively impacting my marriage. Let's start from the top and first explain what empathy is. Empathy is defined in the dictionary as the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. We may often say it's "putting yourself in someone else's shoes. I want to break it down even further and create two new words. I am coining these: #1 - surface empathy - This is relating to someone and showing them that you understand what they are saying. Maybe it could also be said that you are able to see something from their perspective. #2 - deep empathy - To me, this is really feeling the emotion or feelings that someone else has in order to relate to them. I'll give you an example of each. Surface empathy - I think this often happens in situations with our children. When my daughter was 5 years old and couldn't find her shoes before school, I understood it was a big deal for her. Did i really feel the emotion? No, but i understood hers. Deep Empathy - I recently heard that a friend's parent passed away. Now this was like a hit in my gut. I actually had really strong emotion as i have been through that situation and recalled how painful it is. I was showing deep empathy. Both of these are really important to be able to do. They can really impact the relationships you have around you. So how does empathy help your marriage? Here are a few ways: 1) You realize it's not always about you. Suppose your spouse gets really mad at you and the level of emotion really wasn't warranted. In my past, I would have probably yelled back and gotten pretty upset. With empathy in my toolbox, I try to understand if there was something else that happened before our interaction. Something else is bothering her. Maybe she got in an argument with someone else earlier? Maybe she was frustrated with the kids? I have a tendency to now not take things so personally, especially when i know it wasn't really something that was my fault. You realize it's not always about you. 2) As a result of #1, you argue less - You simply have a different understanding of why many arguments take place. When you use words such as "I can totally understand why you feel that way" or "I can see why that would bother you" can really diffuse a lot of situations that would normally turn into an argument. 3) Your spouse doesn't want a solution, they just want you to listen. When you are empathetic, you are listening, you are not providing advice or solving any problems. You can even repeat back what they are saying so they know you are listening. 4) You don't have to agree to provide empathy - We may intellectually disagree with their perspective, but it doesn't mean that we can't try to be empathetic emotionally. You are putting yourself in their shoes. 5) It provides connection - You will be amazed at the connection it can form. when someone feels that you are understanding them, they are more inclined to be open, share, and feel connected. Guys, if there is one thing you learn by listening to these podcasts, it's to be empathetic. I have also seen that being empathetic has helped my business. When I am talking to prospective clients and I really am empathetic toward their situations, they seem more inclined to want to do business with me. So go out there an empathize!!

Expectations for First Time Dads – Dudes To Dads Ep 154 Feb 14, 2018

Show notes

Today we are talking about expectations for first time dads. What should you expect when the baby is born. Here is my overall advice: Expectations are only good to have for the negative stuff. For the good stuff, you don't want to have expectations. This is the topic we are going to discuss today. Let's tart with the obvious things that everyone tells you are going to happen when the child arrives: 1) You will get less sleep 2) You will get less attention from your wife 3) You will probably get more attention from your family (or your spouses damily) because everyone wants to see the baby 4) It will take you so much longer to get places than it did before 5) You will schedule everything around the baby's sleep and eating patterns. Want to go to a birthday party at 1pm? Sorry, that's the baby's nap time 6) You will have less personal time to do the things you want to do (golf 7) You will have increased expenses. Babies are not cheap. 8) There is a lot of noise - a baby crying is not pleasant 9) You will talk a lot about throw up and going to the bathroom 10) You will worry about whether you are good enough to be a father So these are great and all, but you don't have to fall into a negative trap. These don't all necessarily have to come true but if you expect that they could, then you will be more prepared. But be sure not to stress over the fact that these are "going" to happen. As I said in the beginning, it's ok to have expectations on negative things, but for the positive ones, you don't want to setup expectations. This is where disappointment can happen. Here are a few areas that new dads may set expectations on and they can fall short: 1) When the baby is born, I am going to feel so connected to the baby - often we don't bond in the beginning. The baby doesn't give you much feedback. It's not as rewarding sometimes 2) The baby will sleep through the night - Um, good luck with that 3) The baby will be happy all of the time 4) That the baby will make you happy - nope' 5) That the baby will make your relationship better We need to be careful of the positive expectations we put in place. If they don't happen, we don't want to be disappointed.

Are You Aware of What You Are Feeding Your Child? – Dudes To Dads Ep 153 Feb 06, 2018

Show notes

Well, first I wanted to introduce our sponsor for today's podcast: SmartyPants Vitamins They are Non-GMO & Gluten-Free and filled with great vitamins and minerals like Omega 3 fish oil, Vitamin D, Vitamin B12, and much more. You can buy them from Target, WholeFoods, Walgreens or on Amazon. Ok, on to today's topic. I did a YouTube video on this topic last week. We often think we are feeding our kids healthy foods and drinks but the reality is that we are not.Of course there are different schools of thought about nutrition, but there are elements that doctors and nutritionists will agree on. For example, not one person thinks that regular white table sugar is good for you. It may taste great and our body craves it, but it's not good for your long term health. The Harvard School of Public Health says the average person consumes 22 teaspoons of sugar per day. According to the American Heart Association, children ages 2 to 18 should eat or drink less than six teaspoons of added sugars daily. Six teaspoons of added sugars is equivalent to about 100 calories or 25 grams. That is crazy. So I put together 5 things your children should be having to be healthy and grow. #1 - Water - Stop feeding them juice. I don't care if it's apple, orange, grape, or whatever. It is full of sugar and children don't need it. Give them water. You can hear the parents now: but Timmy won't drink water. Stop giving him juice and he will get thirsty. He'll drink water.It tastes really good because there is a ton of sugar in it. Give them water. #2 - Protein - Protein build cells. It helps muscle growth, their immune system, repair tissue, and more.Some protein you can make sure your kids are eating are: eggs, cheese, peanut butter, meat, fish, chicken, etc. Also, try to have at least a little protein with most meals. # 3: a MultiVitamin - and this brings us to today's sponsor: SmartyPants Vitamins They are gummies that taste really good and provide kids Omega 3 fish oil, Vitamin D as D3 for immune health, Vitamin B12 as methylcobalamin (methal-co-ball-a-meen) for mental focus and energy balance and Folate as methylfolate to support proper DNA replication. They have products for everyone in the family but for this podcast, we are speaking about the Kids Complete MultivitaminA multivitamin is a really easy way to make sure your kids are getting the nutrients they need. #4) Fruit - Fruit is a great source of fiber, healthy energy and a good substitute for bad sugars. It contains a lot of vitamins and minerals that support child development. Most kids like fruit because it does taste great. One tip I have is to make fruit your child's dessert. Instead of ice cream, cookies, or other bad sugars, offer fruit as the after meal delight. As we get older, eating fruit is often a good way to curb sugar cravings. and finally #5 - Good old Vegetables - We all know vegetables are good for you. Like fruits, they contain a lot of vitamins and minerals.But how do you get your child to eat them when they cringe at the site of anything green. One technique is to simply hide them.There are tons of recipes online where you can hide vegetables in everything from pancakes, to burgers, to pasta, there are a lot of ways. Of course you just have to make the effort to make the food instead of going out to eat all of the time. That's all we have for today. I want to again thank SmartyPants vitamins for supporting Dudes to Dads and Dad University We want to hear from you. Do you have any child nutrition questions? Have you found some great nutritious products for your kids? We would love to hear about them.

Establishing a Morning Routine – Dudes To Dads Ep 152 Jan 31, 2018

Show notes

Last week we discussed establishing a night time routine. Well, the second biggest battle in the house is the morning routine. The need for a morning routine really comes into play when your child starts kindergarten. The night time routine can be difficult because you are tired. However I think the morning routine can be much more stressful because you have somewhere you and/or your child need to be. You need to get your child out of the house at a certain time. The process is pretty similar to the night time routine plan. Step #1 - Take inventory - Write down all of the things you need your child to do before you leave - eat breakfast, get dressed, brush teeth, prepare backpack, etc. Step #2 - Establish the time you have to leave the house - Be realistic, do you need to allocate time for traffic, mistakes, etc. It adds extra stress if you leave it down to the wire. Step #3 - Work backwards with realistic time slots. For example, if you need to leave at 7:30am, they need to have their backback ready at 7:25 and finish brushing their teeth and hair by 7:20. Step #4 -Establish Wake Up Time - This is a crucial step as the wake up time then becomes the foundation for the schedule. If your kids are going to bed early and they like doing something fun before school, then you need to incorporate that into the schedule. Step #5 - Print out multiple copies and laminate them - I put copies of the both the night time and morning schedules in each of my children's rooms as well as in our kitchen. We laminated them so the children could mark off boxes with dry erase marker each time they finished the task. Here are some tips that are important for morning routine success. Some of these are similar to the night time routine: Some tips: - Have your children take part in creating the schedule. Allow them to help establish the times. - You need to be on the same page with your spouse - it won't work if one wants routine and other doesn't. - You will need to give warnings on time but may want to try asking questions instead of telling them. "What comes after putting eating breakfast?" - Be consistent - kids thrive on routine and consistency - Why do you think you watch the same movie 500 times or read the same bedtime story 1000 times. I have personally recognized that me pushing them consistently about the time in the morning has not helped. It's only caused more stress for me. I have recently made the effort to be silent about the schedule and they have been pretty good with it. I know of a story that the child was a little older (I believe middle school) and was consistently late for school. So the mother (who was driving her and her younger sister to school the next day) talked it over with her husband who was going to be home for a bit) that if their child was not ready on time, they were going to drive the car off without her. She wasn't ready and the mom drove away. The teen went nuts and pleaded with the dad to take her but he insisted, "sorry, I can't, I have some other things i need to take care of". He made her sweat it out for an hour or two and eventually took her to school. She was never late for the car again.

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