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Tips for Overcoming Jealousy in a Relationship – Dudes To Dads Ep 180 Aug 14, 2018

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Most people are pretty aware on whether they are a jealous person or not. For those that are, they may create scenarios in their head. Most of the time reality has nothing to do with it. But certainly there are times when something just feels off or quite not right. Psychologists often point to deep insecurities or traits about your personality that may need some "work". But jealous feelings are different than jealous behaviors. If your actually confirm your wife does something you don't agree with someone else, of course it's ok to have some feelings about it. For example, she was texting an old boyfriend. But what do you do with those feelings. Acting on it can have some ramifications in your relationship. How you handle it could be really important. I think trust and values play a big part. If you don't trust your partner than for sure you are more likely to have issues with jealousy. Also when you value certain things: love, honesty, or even monogamy, you may feel those are in jeopardy when you feel jealous. Let's go over some ways to deal with jealousy: 1) Become aware - recognize you are jealous. Understand it is your problem, not someone else's. Even if someone else is acting in a way that you don't agree with, your have control over your state. Overcoming it is up to you. 2) Understand the reason for your jealousy - Is the situational real or is it in your head? What exactly is making your jealous? The fear of losing someone? 3) Review your assumptions - Do you expect that your partner can't communicate with certain people? Are they not allowed to provide friendly affection? You have to understand what your assumptions are. 4) Understand the impact if you act - If you try to control the person or snoop around, do you risk losing them? Many people are willing to do that. 5) Try to solve it - You may want to communicate your issue but make it your issue. Do not blame the other person. How you approach it and how they react to itcan be important in telling how smooth the relationship will be. If your partner doesn't seem to care about how you feel, there could be a problem. On the other hand, you may have two completely different assumptions on how things should be. Jealousy is not an easy subject. Sometimes it is the result of beliefs we have about ourselves, our weaknesses....but it can also be a real feeling brought on by the actions of someone else. If you are feeling jealous, go over these ways to deal with it and see how it goes.

Interview with Alan Bush, Co-host of Dudes To Dads Ep 179 Aug 07, 2018

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In this episode Jason interviews Alan, the co-host of the podcast. We learn about Alan's childhood, his personal and professional journey, and a little about his current interests. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the hearing the man with the really deep voice!!

Reducing Mealtime Battles with Toddlers – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 178 Jul 31, 2018

Show notes

Mealtime can be frustrating, especially with toddlers. Whether they refuse to eat or act just like a crazy child, it can really get to you as a parent. We are primarily talking about dinner, but certainly it can apply to other meals. I can't tell you that I have this one totally figured out and my children are now 8 and 10. Granted things are much easier and smoother now but I do think it was many years of battles. Here are a few things that seemed to have help us with reducing the mealtime battles. I didn't say eliminate but it can reduce them: 1) Get the kids involved in the cooking - It seems when they helped cook it, they were more interested to eat it. 2) Don't force the food - If they are not hungry, allow them to skip it. But when they do get hungry, they should be eating what was there before. Don't get soft or forget and give them snacks. They will use this technique if they know they can then get a snack later. 3) Be sure not to ruin the meal beforehand - Make sure they come to table hungry. If you give them drink or food too close to meal that you really want to have, you might ruin it yourself. 4) Expect that a child 2-6 is probably going to have some difficulty sitting still for a meal. They should still eat in a designated place every time so it become routine, ideally the dinner table 5) You are not a short order cook - You can say "This is what's for dinner". If it's possible try to eliminate substitutes so they get used to eating what is expected. Each family member doesn't get a separate meal. 6) Pressure and yelling won't work - You don't want you child to have anxiety around food. 7) Don't take it personally - Your child is not battling you to get at you. They are arguing because they are a toddler. 8) Turn off all screens and distractions - No computers or TV during mealtime.

How to Get Closer and Bond With Your New Baby – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 177 Jul 24, 2018

Show notes

hen a baby is first born, men often indicate that they don't feel very close to the baby. Although mom's carry the child for 9 months, feel it kicking and turning inside of them so the relationship foundation begins much earlier. I know with my first child I struggled to feel that bond right away. I certainly loved my child, but the deep emotional connection was not as strong as my wife's. I think this is a common issue with men. So for this podcast, we are providing some tips on how dads can increase their bond with the baby. As you can probably imagine, all of the tips pretty much have to do with spending more time with the child. Here are 9 tips for you to get closer and bond with your baby: 1) Skin to Skin Contact - take your shirt off and lay the baby down on your chest 2) Feed the child - take the feedings in the middle or anytime you can. If your wife is breastfeeding and you have a pump, you can then do the feeding from the bottle. 3) Bath the child - most babies love bath time. I know both of my kids did. Splashing in water and playing with toys was a good time from the beginning. 4) Read to the child - Whether it's some random time or part of the bedtime routine, them hearing your voice is important. It's ok even if they are clueless and have no idea what you are saying. There are books that allow children to squeeze, bite, and pull on them and they don't rip. 5) Change diapers - I once had a guy tell me that he had 4 grown kids and was proud that he never changed a single diaper. I personally wouldn't be proud of that. 6) Baby massage - Touch is really good for a baby. There skin is so soft too. My children to this day still love getting any massage they can get. 7) Make silly faces and noises - Men are tpyically good at voices and doing silly things. There is nothing better than a baby's laugh. Heck, billions of YouTube views are dedicated to babies laughing. 8) Pick the baby up with it cries. Even if the baby prefers mommy, continue to do so 9) Spend alone time without your wife - If your wife is the primary caregiver, tell her to go somewhere and you spend the time alone with the child. It gives her a break but also allows you to spend quality time with your child one-one-one. There is no mommy in the distance that the baby can see.

Why Are So Many Men Not Taking Paternity Leave? – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 176 Jul 17, 2018

Show notes

For years many women in the workplace have been concerned that taking time off when having a baby could negatively affect their career. Would the perception of them at the company change? Would there be too much of an impact on the company? Well a new problem is emerging. Companies are offering paternity leave for men and they are not taking it. First, let's make sure we understand what paternity leave is. It is the period of time when a father stops working because he is going to have or just had a baby. It can also cover adoption. Many companies are using the term parental leave or family leave to cover mothers, fathers, or domestic partners. In the US, there is a federal law called the "Family and Medical Leave Act" that protects your job for 12 weeks after a birth or adoption. According to diversitydatakids.org, only 38% of the workforce in the US can benefit from this. The family and medical leave act doesn't mean your employer will pay you during that time, but you do have the right to take the time off without penalty in pay or position. Recently there has been more activity around the topic of parental or family leave. Out of 185 countries surveyed by the United Nations, the US stood out as one of only two countries that did not mandate paid maternity leave. Last week there was a senate panel hearing on the topic and many companies are changing their policies to offer more paid time off. As an example, Facebook offers 4 months of paid parental leave and American Express offers 5 months. Then you have Netflix which leads the way offering up to 1 year of paid parental leave. They basically say take as much time as you need during the first year. While every employer is different, be sure to check with yours to see what the paternity policy is. So for those that are offered paid paternity leave, why are they not taking it? According to a recent Deloitte Survey, 57% of men felt that exercising their parental leave right would be perceived as a lack of commitment to their jobs. In a study done by Promundo & Dove Men Care, 21% of male respondents stated they were afraid of losing their jobs if they took the full amount of paternity leave offered. Fortunately that is only perception and not reality. In a 2012 US Department of Labor brief, they discussed how important paternity leave is. They indicated it promoted parent-child bonding, improves father engagement, and even increases the gender equity at home and at the workplace. In other words, if dads are more involved from birth, not only does it help the child, but it is helping improve employment equality and pay for mothers. Business are also finding that it can be good for the bottom line when fathers take time off and can be involved with their families. These employees are happier, more productive, and focused. Here is the bottom line: Nobody on their death bed ever said they should have spent more time at the office. If your company has a paid paternity leave policy, use it to the max. If your company doesn't provide paid time off for paternity, see if you can use vacation days or just take some non-paid days if you can afford to do so. If neither of those are an option, then you make your best effort to spend your off time with the baby. It's a magical time when your child is introduced into the world. Take advantage of the time to enjoy every minute you can. They say it goes by fast and I can tell you it does.

Is it OK to Drink Alcohol Around Your Kids? – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 175 Jul 10, 2018

Show notes

In America, like many countries, alcohol is a big part of our society. It's part of celebrations, parties, holidays, and even relaxation. Alcohol beverage sales in the US in 2016 were appox. $223 billion It's also the 3rd largest preventable cause of death in the US with aprox 88000 people per year dying of alcohol related deaths. This episode isn't about the dangers of alcohol or even whether you should drink or not. It's really about whether or not it's ok to drink around your kids. From the research I have looked at, it seems that the attitude toward the alcohol is probably the most important factor on how your child perceives it. Let me give you a few scenarious: 1) You come home from work and you say "man, what a day. I could really use a drink right now." or 2) you are having a party at your house and your child sees you drinking numerous drinks. By the end of the night, your drunk. The association of alcohol used as a reward or used in celebration runs pretty deep. Teaching our children a healthier association with alcohol is going to take some effort. I've created a few tips to follow: 1) Don't get drunk in front of your children. Maybe wait until you have that vacation with your buddies or you wait for the times when your kids aren't going to be around. 2) Never get behind the wheel of a car when drinking or be a passenger with someone who has been drinking Be sure your kids see that. Communicate those rules with them. 3) Don't make it a requirement for fun. If you require drinks for every event, maybe you can try creating fun activities that don't involve alcohol. 4) Make it no big deal. If you are using alcohol to relax or some other reason keep it to yourself. Don't say "I could really use a drink right now". Our kids are sponges. They see and hear everything. I'll assume you don't want your child to have a problem with alcohol. While how you deal with alcohol isn't the only factor that determines the fate of your child's relationship with alcohol, it is big factor. We owe it to our children to be responsible and teach responsibility.

Quality of Time vs Quantity Time Spent With Your Child – Which is Better? Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 174 Jul 03, 2018

Show notes

We have had discussions on work/life balance. Is it better to spend a short amount of quality time versus a larger amount of time that is not as high of quality? I don't think we do this in other parts of our lives? If you were learning to read and only spent a short amount of time focusing on it, would you learn it? Probably not, you have to have good quality over a long period of time. It's actually both that is needed. How about a marriage? Can a marriage be built and survive by only seeing each other every once in a while? Can it survive on just living in the same place and seeing each other a lot but never really spending quality time together? We hear about marriages falling apart because they were too busy or didn't have enough time for each other or the opposite that they didn't have any quality time together. Either one is not enough. What if we have to pick one? If it's one for one, my opinion would be that a shorter amount of quality time is better. When we are focused and attentive, you would think the child feels more fulfilled and connected. If we have a longer time with them but are distracted, on the phone, talking to someone else, etc I would think they aren't going to feel connected. There are a few studies that support this. A study by University of Toronto sociologist Melissa Milkie was in the Journal of Marriage and Family published in 2015, found that the amount of time parents spend with their kids between the ages of 3 and 11 has virtually no relationship to how the child turns out. This included the children’s academic achievement, behavior and emotional well-being. However they did find that the more time a teen spends engaged with their mother, the fewer instances of delinquent behavior. Drs Brazelton and Greenspan, who are child development experts state, “Nurturing emotional relationships are the most primary foundation for both intellectual and social growth . . . The most important learning in the early years is provided by human interaction. Objects and learning devices do not compare.” The child who plays internet games, or who is engaged in play activities with non-human devices, will have a differently wired brain than the child who is hugged, listened to, shown delight, and provided with more warm interaction than is demanded. While children’s brain architect is basically similar, how the structures get wired (integrated together) is the result of the child’s experiences with the important people in their lives. Are we asking the question of quality versus quantity because of guilt? As parents we often feel guilty that we are not spending enough time with our kids. A study at the University of Oxford found a father’s positive emotional response to parenting during the child’s early years matters more than how much time they spent with them. The children of fathers who felt good about being a parent and confident in their role during this period were 28 percent less likely to have behavioral problems later on. So overall we know that the quality of the time is important but so is quantity. Why do we have to have an argument of which is better? We don't do that with other parts of our lives so why should we do it with kids? . Can we have a balance of both? That's the question for each of us to ponder. The bottom line is that you and your child are going to benefit from spending more connected time together. How much of that that happens depends on your individual situation. Make the most of the time you do have, stop beating yourself up and feeling guilty.

8 Life Lessons Every Dad Should Teach Their Sons – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 173 Jun 26, 2018

Show notes

In episode 171 we talk about 8 lessons to teach your daughter. In this episode we touch on some important life lessons to teach our sons. #1 - Men can have emotions - It's ok to be vulnerable, it's ok to cry #2 - Treat people with respect - Treat others how you want to be treated. #3 - Chivalry is Alive - Be a gentleman. hold the door open, say please and thank you. #4 - Stand up for yourself - defend yourself and those you love. Don't let other people push you around. #5 - Make your own decisions - don't be influenced by others. 2 boys have half a brain, 3 boys have no brain, #6 - Choose Your Battles - There are times to walk away. When it comes to family and friends, it's usually not worth battling. #7 - Don't criticize other people - It's unattractive and typically means there is something going on within you. Don't comment on other people's shortcomings, appearances, or anything else that means negativity coming from your mouth. #8 - It's not just about you - This goes for a lot of things but primarily meant for relationships. A girls is not going to want the same things you want. Learn what she wants and what she likes.

9 Things You Should NEVER Say To a Child – Dudes To Dads Podcast Ep 172 Jun 19, 2018

Show notes

We all want our kids to thrive and do well. Unfortunately, some of the things we say to our kids are doing more harm than good. Here are 9 things you should NEVER say to your child and what you should say instead: #1 What not to say: "I'm So Proud of You" Instead say "You should be proud of yourself" our child should not be looking to someone else for approval. We want to teach them to have that feeling from within...for themselves. #2 What not to say: "You are bad" Instead say "You made a bad choice" or "your behavior right now is not acceptable" When you say "you are bad" they hear that they are a bad person. This is not what we want them to hear. #3 What not to say: "Stop Crying" Instead say: "I can see you are really upset. Why are you crying? Let them have emotion and be empathetic towards them. If you need some help with empathy, watch our video episode 18 (The secret to parenting). #4 What not to say: "We can't afford that" Instead say: "We choose not to spend our money on that" Always coming from a place of scarcity is not good. Instead we want to teach them that we make choices on how we spend our money. #5 What not to say: "Why can't you be more like your brother?" Instead say: I really appreciate the way you treat other people. Pick out something positive that they do and re-enforce that. Never compare them to siblings or other people. #6 What not to say: "You're okay" Instead say: That looks like it really hurts you. Can I get you some ice? If they fall or get hurt, don't negate their feelings. If you got hurt, does someone saying "don't worry about it, your ok make you feel any better? No. #7 What not to say: "Great job" Instead say: "You worked really hard at this. You should be proud of yourself." Again this is praise that we want to avoid them requiring from the outside. #8 What not to say: "Because I said so" Instead say: "I know you really wanted to play but it's time for dinner." The famous because i said so. Be specific of your request and then offer them a solution: Do you want to maybe play with him tomorrow? #9: What not to say: "You Make Me So Mad" Instead say: I'm feeling frustrated right now and need to handle this better. Your child is not responsible for your emotions. Yes they know how to find the right buttons to push. But you need to show them that someone else doesn't determine how you feel. You get to decide how you feel. Hopefully you learned a few new ways to talk with your child. We want to hear from you. Do you agree or disagree with this list?

8 Life Lessons Every Dad Should Teach His Daughter – Dudes To Dads Ep 171 Jun 12, 2018

Show notes

I wanted to create an episode that I thought would be really important for my young daughter to listen to. This episode is from the perspective of me talking to her. If you are able to communicate and teach these lessons to your own daughter, that is awesome. However, you can also listen to this podcast with her and use it as reference to talk about the different points. We will cover 8 life lessons every dad can teach his daughter: #1 - You are capable of solving problems yourself - You don't need to depend on anyone, especially a boy. Whether it's for emotional, financial, or any other support, you are totally capable of being self-sufficient and taking care of yourself.. #2 - You are perfect the way you are - Every person is unique and perfect in their own way. Nobody (including friends, family, the media, or anyone else) gets to dictate what perfection is. You are perfect the way you are. #3 - You can do anything boys can do - Now, I do think celebrating the differences between boys and girls (men and women) is good. We are different and that makes us each great. But you will not hear me say "that's for boys". You can work on cars, learn martial arts, or shoot a basketball. I will not limit you and don't let anyone else do it either. #4 - Stand your ground - You have a right to believe what you want. Protect and defend yourself as well as those you love. Your views are just as valuable as anyone else's. #5 - Your affection is yours to give - You have control over your body and get to choose who you want to give affection to. You should never feel obligated (even with family) to have to hug or kiss anyone. You affection is yours to give #6 - Be empathetic - Learn to put yourself in other people's shoes. This may include helping people or simply understanding someone else's perspective. Empathy is powerful. #7 - Respect Yourself and Others - Know your worth and learn how to say no. For others, you may not always agree with someone, but allow them to express their views. #8 - You are in charge of your emotions - You are the one who decides what something means. You get to choose your story and how things effect you. Just a tip, choosing happiness is a lot better but it's totally up to you. Well, we want to hear from you. Are there some other life lessons you think are valuable? Leave your feedback in the comments section below.

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