Dad University Podcast

Latest Episodes:

What Did We Learn in the First 200 Episodes? Dudes To Dads Ep 200 Jan 01, 2019

Show notes

So in celebrating our 200th episode, I thought it would be fun to review some of our most important topics. We have covered a lot but there are definitely topics that have stood out for me. Before we do that, I wanted to touch on how the podcast and videos have effected me personally. There is no question they have effected me as a parent, a husband, and just me as a person overall. Here's the thing, neither of us claimed to be experts at these topics. But we do have an interest in learning more and enhancing our lives. I feel like the podcasts (and the videos) essentially force me to learn new things. I set the goal that we do one of these per week and every week there is something I am learning. Even if its a topic I am familiar with, it still allows me to learn. Here are some topics that I think impacted me the most: Soon to be dads and new dads are really scared - There is a lot of need out there for men just realizing they are not alone. Getting support from us and other resources. Dad's care a lot - The typical stereotype is that dads are goofy and can't do anything. This podcast and our videos are proud to be working to change the narrative. There are dads that care and serious about parenting. It's ok to need help or ask for help - Guys have a tough time admitting they need help but I think it's important for us to continue to let men know that it's ok. Empathy is the most important parenting skill. Putting yourself in other person's shoes Gratitude wins - It can cure depression Judging / being critical - as you become happier with yourself, you realize the lack of desire to criticize other people. Affection - how important it is to provide your child affection as a father No praise/no punishment - Discipline is different than I thought Life is short - Nobody on their death bed ever said they should have spent more time at the office. I'm changing some thing in my own life to be able to dedicated more time to Dudes to Dads and Dad University.

The Biggest Surprises About Fatherhood – Dudes To Dads Ep 199 Dec 25, 2018

Show notes

You are never going to get any sleep You aren't going to have time for anything You really think you can afford to have a child Your relationship is totally going to change I knew it, you are not the same that you used to be Whoa...chill....Those aren't surprises, those are called expectations. That's for a whole other episode. In this episode we are going over the 6 Biggest surprises about fatherhood. No doubt, fatherhood is full of surprises. While I sort of knew what I was getting into, I really wasn't prepared for everything. It's impossible to be. So I'm sharing with you the 6 Biggest surprises about Fatherhood. #1 - The relationship takes work - When our first child was born, I was a little worried because I didn't feel a strong bond right away. It wasn't until I did bath time, changings, and feedings, that i then began to feel close. I think this continues as they grow. There may be times when I feel a little distant from my kids. Maybe I have been working too much or they have chose to spend most of their free time with their friends. So when I notice this, I may provide them a little more affection to them or try to connect with them playing a game or spending some quality time together. It takes work. But it's work that I enjoy doing....but you can't neglect the relationship and think it's going to be strong. You need to make effort. It's like that with any relationship. #2 - That I could Love Something So Much - I knew I would like this thing that came into my world, but I didn't realize just how much I would love it. How much i would want to protect it. How much i want to help it grow. Having a child has taught me that my capacity to love is pretty big. When were going to have our second child, I was concerned I wouldn't have enough love in me to go around. Boy was I wrong. It's amazing how much love we have inside us. Children can bring out emotions like nothing else can. I used to not consider myself very emotional. But i can say that has shifted a bit after having kids. (but not too much) #3 - Time Goes By Really Fast - Yeah, yea, yea, everyone with older kids says it goes by so fast. I didn't believe them until i have now experienced it myself. While there are some moments that seem like they are lasting forever, it's insane how fast the time goes. My kids are now 8 and 10. I often often look at baby pictures and it honestly feels like it just happened. What this means is that we need to enjoy the present moment with ours kids. #4 - It's not all about me anymore - One of my biggest surprises of fatherhood was the shift in my decision making. You quickly realize that another human is dependent on you. As a result, your decision making shifts. From the littlest decisions like how to spend your Saturday to the big decisions like your career or financial planning. Like your spouse, your child becomes and influencer or factor in your decision making. #5 - How we act really effects our child - I don't think I realized how much of a mirror your child really is. I was driving the other day with my kids and my 8 year old daughter says, "oh no, traffic!!" I can't imagine where she got that from. They are listening to everything you say and watching everything you do. The good, the bad, and the ugly. So often we want to take credit for the good stuff but aren't willing to accept that the bad stuff is our fault too. It's important to be aware of how we act really does affect them. #6 - Good parenting is not from instincts - I used to think that because I had good parents, my gut & instincts would steer me well when parenting my kids. It wasn't until i began to studying parenting, that i realized how little I actually knew. Concepts like empathy, unconditional love, and positive re-inforcement weren't in my vocabulary. I started to seek answers for my frustrations and knew that other dads had to be facing the same issues that I was.

Is Work Life Balance Achievable as a Parent? Dudes To Dads Ep 198 Dec 18, 2018

Show notes

No doubt that when you become a father, life gets a little more complicated. You were already trying to balance your work, relationship, and friends. Now you have a child. You may even have a couple of them. So how do you balance it all? How do you make it all work. In this episode we are going over some tips to help you achieve work life balance. As a man, you could have many roles: - Your a father - Your a husband or boyfriend - You a son to your parents - You could be a brother - You are an employee or business owner - You are a friend - and the list goes on and on You have all of these roles and you want to be great at all of them. But here's the reality check: You can't be great at all of them all the time. You can't, it's impossible. You might be a really good father one day, but you didn't pay attention to your wife. or you killed it at work that week, but you ended up not spending much time with your family. You have been taking care of your aging parent, but your work has suffered. But I want to be great at all of these things, all the time. This is a problem called WANTITALL I know this .....because I suffer from it WANTITALL is a huge epidemic. If you suffer from this, let us know. What about you Alan, do you suffer from WANTITALL? I do have a couple of tips I want to share with you to help you achieve work life balance. #1: Be very clear about what you want. You have to have an honest conversation with yourself. Where do you want to achieve "success"? Do you want a really strong family? or Is your career your #1 priority? It's all ok and there is no judgement, you just have to be clear about it. Once you are clear then we have the second tip: #2 Match your actions with what you want. For example, if your family really is your priority, are your actions matching that? or do you tell yourself and everyone else that family is so important, yet you spend time doing a lot of things that don't involve building the family relationship. #3 - Reduce wasted time: For anyone who says they don't have time...are you watching television? do you spend time on social media? You might be surprised how much time you can gain by dropping those activities. But I have to watch my shows or play my games? Well then you might have to go back to tip #1 again and start over. Instead of saying "I don't have time". Why don't you change it to "It's just not a priority for me". #4 - Improve your scheduling - If you feel like you need to step up your game in an area of your life, put it on the calendar. That could be a date with your wife, or some one on one time with your child. We put appointments in our work calendar, we can do the same with our personal calendar, It all depends on what your priorities are. #5 - Change your perspective - Instead of calling it work life balance, let's call it work life harmony. Balance feels like you have to give something up in order to get something else. I think the word harmony is better because it means that everything has to work together. You can work hard and still make time for your family. You can be a good son and take care of your parents, while also making some plans with your friends. As I said in the beginning, you just can't be perfect at all of them all the time. Cut yourself some slack and be careful of how much expectations you are putting on yourself. Your WANTITALL problem is your issue and only you can fix it. We would love to hear from you. Do you struggle with WANTITALL?

7 New Dad Parenting Mistakes to Avoid – Dudes To Dads Ep 197 Dec 12, 2018

Show notes

We all have good intentions when the baby is born. But realize you are going to make mistakes. We all make them. Of course there are tactical mistakes like not having enough diapers, not buckling car seats correctly, or not bringing enough change of clothes for the baby when you go somewhere. But the mistakes I want to review involve more of your thought process , emotions, and your overall well being. 1. Taking the baby's crying personally - Your newborn is not trying to ruin your life. Although sometimes it might feel like it. They are either hungry, tired, have gas, or need a diaper change. There aren't a lot of reasons. It's not your poor parenting skills that are the cause. All babies do it. 2. Not paying enough attention to your wife - Get a babysitter or family member to watch the baby and take your wife out on a date. Know her love language and either get her flowers or do some act of service she appreciates (cleaning, washing her car, something without her asking for it). 3. Putting too much pressure on yourself - You want to be the perfect parent, a great husband, and great in business. But it's pretty impossible to excel at everything at the same time. The cool part is you get to start your day over every day. One day you can be a great parent, the other a great husband, and then the next day a great business person or employee. Don't expect you will be able to do everything well all at the same time. 4. Underestimating your time - Everything will take a lot longer than you think. You will make plans and will be late. It takes longer to get out of the house, pack bags, or anything else that involved the child. 5. Not taking care of themselves - This means getting some sleep, eating well, and exercising. If you don't care about any of those, then at least make some time for yourself to have fun. Hang out with friends Comparing your baby to others 6. Comparing your baby to others - When they rolled over, when they first talked, when they first ate solid foods, etc. Don't do it. Every child is different and it has no bearing on their future. 7. Not enjoying the moment - I recall saying "I can't wait until my son can talk to me". or once he walks it's going to be so fun. Enjoy the present moment as it goes by really fast. It doesn't seem like it is going fast in the beginning but you will look back and think it. Having a new baby is awesome, but reality is that it can be stressful if you allow it to be. A lot of that stress comes from making sure the baby is ok as you just want to protect it and make sure you are doing everything you can to give it the best opportunity. Just remember not to be too hard on yourself. Millions of people have raised children before you. You are going to make mistakes, but learn from your mistakes and just make sure you are providing love an affection to your baby. Love and affection will cancel out a lot of other potential problems.

The Differences of Parenting in the 1980s vs Now – How Did We Survive – Dudes To Dads Ep 196 Dec 05, 2018

Show notes

I was born in the mid 70s and grew up in the early 80s. Times were different and parenting was definitely different. There was a huge difference in what people thought was safe and what kids were aloud to do. I thought it would be fun to go over some of the things we did as kids and see how times are quite different now. Helmets - I'm not sure how many concussions it took for people to realize that it's probably a good idea to wear a helmet. Bicycles helmets weren't required until about 1987 and even then we really didn't wear them. I grew up skate boarding and unless you were going on a large ramp or doing something crazy, we didn't wear helmets. Same goes for snow skiing. Riding in the back of a truck - We were just camping this past weekend and about 10 of us piled into the back of a truck just to take us down a dirt road for bit. I was remembering how we used to be able to ride in the back of a truck without issue. At least in most parts of the US, parents wouldn't think of that now. Seat belts - My seat belt was my dads arm. Now the restraints and belts, cart seats with specific requirements. The laws are very strict now. All states have a law by 1985. But even in 1987 only 80% of children used a car seat. Sunscreen - I grew up in sunny southern california and the only sunblock we put on was maybe a little on our nose if we were going to the beach. My kids now are putting sunblock on almost daily before going to school. Granted my wife is a nurse working in skincare but I see so many kids being lathered up with sunscreen before school. Grounding - I think there are still parents that do it but it was really prevelant when I was a kid. Kids were getting grounded left and right for everything. Now you see parents either being much softer of their kids or the approach I prefer which is talking to my kids about right and wrong and allowing more natural consequences to happen. Playing outside - We simply needed to be back when the street lights came on. I don't think my parents knew where we were half of the time. Nor did they seem to care. We would ride our bikes miles away, playing in forests. Now parents need to know exactly where their child is and/or be able to see them and keep them close. Smoking - It was not uncommon for parents to smoke in the car or in the house. I recalled going over to my friends house. His dad smoked and it always smelled so bad to me. So many more people smoked cigarettes back then that it was common. Dad's Role - In the 80s, less moms worked. At least where we lived, most of the moms stayed at home or maybe had part time jobs. As we got a little older, my mom began teaching her courses at night. The roles of dads is different now. i think dad spend more times with their kids and being involved in their activities. I just released my Free Webinar, 6 Proven Strategies to Be a Better Father. This is a free 1 hour online class. Take your Dad Skills to the next level! Reserve Your Spot.

The 14 Biggest Lies Parents Tell Their Kids – Dudes To Dads Ep 195 Nov 28, 2018

Show notes

Since the beginning of time, children have relied on their parents to pass down wisdom and knowledge about the world. Unfortunately, parents have taken advantage of this and have told their kids some lies. We are not always sure of the motive for the lie, but it happens all the time. 1. Sitting too close too the TV will ruin your eyes - in the 50s they were worried about radiation. This is no longer a concern. You might get some temporary eye strain bu their is no long term effects. 2. Carrots will help you see better - Vitamin A is good for your eye health but doesn't make you see better 3. If you eat watermelon seeds, they will grow in your stomach - The digestive system isn't a good place for them to grow, they will come through the system just fine. 4. Swallowing your gum takes 7 years to digest - it will pass through the digestive system just fine 5. Storks deliver babies - It's just a lot easier than explaining the truth but for some parents, they just aren't ready to explain it. 6. Wait 30 minutes after you have eaten to go in the pool or you will cramp up - your food needs to digest - no merit to this 7. If you keep making that face, your face will get stuck - There are multiple muscles in your face and they won't get stuck 8. If you pee in the pool, it will turn red - This was used as a detterent to keep kids peeing in the pool. It's not true and not sure how good it works. 9. Chocolate milk comes from brown cows - more than 17 million adults still believe that. The color of the cow doesn't matter 10. Ice cream trucks play music when they are out of ice cream - I never had this one but boy is that a good one. 11. Cracking your knuckles will give you arthritis - doesn't cause weakness to joints or damage 12. Reading in the dark ruins your eyes - it can strain your eyes or give you a headache but it's not going to ruin them 13. Your nose will grow if you lie - Unlike Pinocchio your nose doesn't grow. However researchers have found that the nose can become flush or heat up as a result of a lie 14. The car can't start unless you buckle your seat belt. - You might hear an annoying beep but the car will still start. It might be a decent idea for safety though. Do you guys have any lies your parents told you? Contact us

Important Skills Every New Dad Should Know – Dudes To Dads Ep 194 Nov 21, 2018

Show notes

I'm sure when you found out you were going to be a father, you said to yourself: I got this. I know everything there is to know about being a dad. It's easy. Dealing with a baby, my wife, work, family, I got it all handled. Ok, reality is that being a new dad is awesome but most likely you are trying to figure out what you need to know. So in this episode we are going over some skills every new dad needs to master. I came up with 6 really important ones. Most dads think they need to learn skills like how to change the baby's diaper or how to hold a baby. While sure it's important to know those things, does it really matter if you have the best wiping technique or you hold your baby in that special position. I can tell you from experience, it doesn't. The skills I'm talking about are ones that will impact your life and your child's life. These are the essentials skills for new dads: #1 Managing Expectations - We all come up with scenarios and things in our head. Be careful of this. When you are a new dad, you may have expectations of how your child should be, what they should do, or even how you should feel. Really you are just shoulding all over yourself. Manage the expectations you have for those around you and for yourself. Ideally it's best to not have expectations because then you will not be disappointed. #2 Patience - Being a new parent requires patience. One example is that everything you do takes longer when you have a baby. So if you are someone who likes to be on time, give yourself a lot more cushion to get ready. Your patience will be tested. Whether it's the baby crying for an extended period of time, or you changing a dirty diaper and immediately upon changing the diaper, your child goes to the bathroom again. For some people those kind of things won't make them lose your patience, but something will, I promise. #3 Gratitude - It is impossible to feel down and depressed if you are feeling grateful. We have a previous video somewhere up here (point to upper corner) in which i explain that the secret to happiness is being grateful. You can actually practice gratitude as a new dad and I would highly suggested it. There are tons of reasons to be grateful. Our other video talks about a gratitude journal and other ways you can develop your gratitude muscle. The 4th Skill - Being Present - A lot of people talk about being present but what does it mean as a new father? To me it is two things: 1) not being distracted while I'm trying to experience something with my child. That can be as simple as putting your phone away when you are engaging with your child. The second part of being present is to notice things while they are happening. For example, if you are sitting down holding your child, notice their face, look at it. Notice the surroundings you are in. The colors you see. The sounds you hear. It's the idea of us not being on autopilot. That is being present #5 Unconditional Love - Parenting if often filled with situations of conditional love. You don't want that. What you need to do is love your child regardless of what they do, how they act, what they achieve, or who they become. Every child deserves to be loved unconditionally. If you can master the skill of loving unconditionally, your child will be better off and your relationship with them will be stronger. and finally #6 - Empathy - The grand daddy of all new father skills. Learning empathy is the single most important thing as a new dad. Empathy is being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. It's being able to see things from someone else's perspective. Imagine seeing a situation from your newborn's perspective....it totally changes the way you handle things. All 6 of these skills are so important for new dads. When you are a new father and you are in the middle of it, sometimes it can be hard to keep perspective on what is really important. We get lost in the small details and the daily grind of...

How to Stop Being Defensive – Dudes To Dads Ep 193 Nov 14, 2018

Show notes

We are guilty of being defensive in some aspect of our lives. In happens in our personal relationships and our work. Being defensive typically involves us justifying our actions or words or trying to protect ourselves from either looking bad or being wrong. We certainly don't want to admit responsibility. So why would we want to stop being defensive? It's not constructive, and usually eats away at the relationship. It can make you look insecure, overly emotional, and close minded. How do you know if you are being defensive: 1) Do you respond to criticism by criticizing the person saying it to you? 2) You stop listening in the middle of someone talking to you? 3) Do you justify your behavior or actions when someone doesn't like it? There are many ways we are defensive. But how do we stop it? 1) Admit you act defensive - always the first step is acknowledgement. It's the hardest but once you can get past this, it's much easier. 2) Notice the feelings coming on - do you feel a different way physically? I notice my heart starts to pump harder, my voice may raise a little louder 3) Pause and breathe - This is so important. Our guy reaction is often fast and aggressive. Pausing and breathing forces us to take a step back. After you feel those triggers, take a second and pause. Whether someone is attacking you verbally or criticizing you. Take a breathe so that you are recognizing what is going on. 4) Acknowledge the person's perspective - You don't need to agree with it but you can be empathetic or validate someone's feelings. Listen to them and say something like "I can see this is really hard for you". or "I can see you got really upset at that. " you are not agreeing with them, only acknowledging their side. 5) Look for the truth in the criticism - It may only be a small part, but is there any truth to what they are saying. There certainly could be. We usually don't want to look inside as it is very hard to often do. Taking responsibility for our own actions is not easy either. 6) If appropriate, apologize - If you don't agree you can apologize with "I'm sorry that what I did effected you that way". That's not a real apology for many but can be better than nothing. If you really did do wrong or they are correct, then apologize for it. 7) Tell them how the information could have been conveyed - If they are criticizing you and you care about the relationship, you can tell them how you would have liked them to say it. "Instead of saying the dinner I cooked was horrible" maybe you could have said "Thank you so much for cooking. It's really appreciated but maybe we could consider something different next time? We are all guilty of being defensive at some point. It can be hard not to be when you insecurities come out or you feel someone is pointing out something negative about you or something you did. Try to remember these tips so you can come out on top.

How To Get Your Child To Listen Without Yelling – Dudes To Dads Ep 192 Nov 07, 2018

Show notes

I know it can't just be my house, but getting your child to listen to what your saying can be frustrating. This is why I have a podcast....so i can pretend that at least someone is listening to me. When children are really young, it just seems like they are never listening. We offered some tips in Episode 168 if listening is a topic of interest. It turns out if you have a toddler (2-3 years old), it's said they only respond 50% of the time..... There are a few suggestions for kids this age, primarily: lowering your expectations as they are still learning about the world. They simply don't know as many words either. so for that, use a small amount of words Let them know what they can do instead of always saying no - "you can hold this" rather than "You can't hold that" It's when the child is at 3-4 that things get more interesting. These tips can be used at this age but also work as children get older. It takes a lot of practice by us for us (and them) to get it right. 1) The reality it that is actually takes longer for kids to respond than adults. Give them an additional 5-7 seconds to respond. This is difficult as we typically want them to respond right away. Their brain sometimes takes a little longer to process things. 2) Use less words - just like the toddler, less words mean less processing: brush teeth, upstairs. You don't need long sentences to explain what needs to be done. 3) Ask questions - get them interacting by asking questions? What is it that you do after you put on your pajamas? Sometimes this make it like a game. 4) Offering them choices - this is a big one. An example may be, do you want to run up the stairs like a cheetah or a turtle? You are fine with either answer but they get to choose. We had a lot of turtle nights walking up our stairs. I should have chose 2 different fast animals. 5) Display or show the behavior - So when you say "pick up your clothes" you are helping them pick up their clothes and showing them how it's done. Children learn by watching and doing. So they made need instructions for the first 478 times so you'll need to show them over and over. Let's face it, listening is a problem everyone faces. As kids grow older, even if they are "good" listeners, their attention goes elsewhere. They begin to focus on different things. But here is the reality: If you have to yell in order to get your kids to do something, it means you have taught them that it's only when you yell do they need to do it. So we have to take responsibility as parents and learn the proper ways to communicate to them. Yelling certainly isn't the answer. Again so if you are yelling it's not your child's fault, it's yours.

What Soon To Be Dads Need to Know – Dudes To Dads Ep 191 Oct 30, 2018

Show notes

I'm thinking back when my wife was pregnant and I had this combination of feelings....being really excited but also really nervous. I knew nothing about babies. I was never really around kids. I didn't know how to change a diaper, feed a baby, or even hold it. I was pretty clueless. Well my kids are now 8 & 10 so i have been through quite a bit. In this video, I'm giving you 4 crucial things that soon to be dads need to know. There is only 4 so this will be easy. Being an expectant father can be stressful. If you are a first time dad, you don't really know what's going on. You are learning as you go. Sorry but I think the learning as you go thing continues for the rest of your life. But hey, that's what we are here for. To help you soon to be dads learn what you need to know. I've got 4 essential things to know: #1 - You won't be a perfect parent. You are going to mess up, a lot. You are going to get angry, frustrated, and often not have a clue how to handle a situation. It's ok. Give yourself permission that not everything needs to be perfect nor do you need to know everything. Do your best and don't beat yourself up over it. #2 - Focus on the big picture. The big picture is loving and caring for your child. I recall worrying so much about little things that i later realize didn't really matter. Where was the baby going to sleep? It's own room or in our room What kind of diapers were the best? Was the stroller the perfect one for us? Do we need a baby monitor? Is the house baby proofed? How long should she breastfeed? Is it ok to wake a sleeping baby? I think you understand what I'm trying to say. The big picture is what is important. Focusing too much on all of the little things will drive you crazy. #3 - Your involvement is critical. The more you are involved, the better off your child will be. This is a 50/50 deal with mom. Sure I get it, we can't breastfeed and they have 9 months with the kid before us, but don't think mom's are the ones to take care of the child. Dad's role used to be to discipline and making money. That ain't it anymore. It's been proven that dad's involvement helps their brains, their development, and their overall emotional well-being. So understand this, the child will thrive and do better, the more you are involved. #4 - You can do this. At some point and it may happen many times, you are going to doubt yourself. You will think you are not good enough or capable enough....and you are wrong. You are totally capable of giving and receiving love. Whether you had a bad childhood or a wonderful one doesn't matter. Your past does not equal your future. Let me repeat that: "Your Past Does Not Equal Your Future" - Tony Robbins You are listening to this podcast for a reason. Give yourself credit and know you can do this.

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected