Dad University Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Give Your Child More Affection – They Need It and So Do You – Dudes To Dads Ep 141 Nov 14, 2017

Show notes

It's already proven, there is really no debate....affection is crucial for a child's well being. The truth is we all want love and affection. Dads often have a harder time providing affection than moms do. Whether it was the fact that their dad was not affectionate, it feels awkward, or you just don't know. In episode 141 we discuss affection and it's importance for both you and your child. Psychologist Dr. Daniel Singley told us in our interview with him that touch literally changes the neural pathways in the brain. There is a research firm called Child Trends and they provided some insight on warmth and affection expressed by parents to their children: Overall it results in life-long positive outcomes for those children. Here are a couple of things they say it improves: Higher self-esteem Improved academic performance Better parent-child communication Fewer psychological and behavior problems On the other hand, children who do not have affectionate parents tend to have: Lower self-esteem Feel more alienated Are more hostile and aggressive And are more anti-social Seems like a pretty good argument for providing your child affection. So what can dads do to be more affectionate: Babies Give them a massage Hold them more Use a baby holder or harness on your body Tickling Simple kisses and hugs As they get older: Hold hands - Toddlers will allow it but as they get older they may not want to Sit on the couch watching TV with your arm around them Hugs and kisses Sit on lap Lie in bed reading Older Kids Hugs Kisses if they will still let you Hand on their shoulder Sit on lap Lie in bed I notice times when I will consciously make more effort to be affectionate, my kids are in turn more affectionate. I think that happens with the wife too. Here is also a couple of tips: Go slow - you may overwhelm them if they are not used to too much affection. Model the behavior - you should also be affectionate with your wife.

Steve Jobs & Bill Gates Limited Their Kids Technology Use – Seems We Should Too – Dudes To Dads Ep 140 Nov 07, 2017

Show notes

You know how I really have a dislike for technology as it relates to kids. According to a Business Insider article, Both Steve Jobs and Bill Gates had very heavy restrictions on their kid's use of technology and screen time. Back in 2007, Bill Gates implemented a cap on his daughter's use when he felt she had an unhealthy attachment to a video game. Here are a couple of interesting pieces of data from the article: 1) Research has found that an eighth - grader's risk for depression jumps 27% when he or she frequently uses social media. 2) Kids who use their phones for at least three hours a day are much more likely to be suicidal. 3) The teen suicide rate in the US now eclipses the homicide rate, with smartphones as the driving force. This article mentions a book by Veteran teachers Joe Clement and Matt Miles called: "Screen Schooled: Two Veteran Teachers Expose How Technology Overuse Is Making Our Kids Dumber" They show how screen saturation at home and school has created a wide range of cognitive and social deficits in our young people. They say teachers are often powerless to curb cell phone distractions; zoned-out kids who act helpless and are unfocused, unprepared, and unsocial. Discuss Gary Vee and how we romanticize the "old way" of doing things. I think it's important to look at both sides. Are kids losing in some areas and then gaining in others? Of course, depression and suicide are serious issues. I think we also need to separate social media with the use of technology. Gaming is one area while social media is another.

11 Things Dads Should Never Apologize For – Don’t Feel Guilty – Dudes To Dads Ep 139 Oct 31, 2017

Show notes

In episode 139 we discuss 11 things that dads should never apologize for. There are things that happen in the world or at work that you shouldn't apologize for and then items related to your family. Not directed at your family (world/work) 1. That you got upset with your kids in public 2. Leaving work a little early for something with your kids 3. A baby that cries in public - every baby cries 4. Missing a friend's party or event (whether you would rather spend time with your family or you are just so tired), either one is fine Family-related - Dealing specifically with the kids 5. Sometimes you have to work nights or weekends 6. That you enjoy work (Feeling productive. Right or wrong, men often define themselves by their work 7. You can't make every sporting event or recital. Be sure to make the important ones 8. That your there for every bedtime 9. Getting annoyed by your children 10. Telling your child no 11. Taking "me time" Need time away

My Child Is Scared of Everything- Kids Fears Are Real – Dudes to Dads Ep 138 Oct 24, 2017

Show notes

I was talking to a dad the other day and he was mentioning his 5-year-old is scared of EVERYTHING. He said, "She just seems scared of everything and everybody". Now I don't know if he was exaggerating but it did give me the idea for this episode. The truth is that 100% of kids have some fear or another. Nobody has no fears. Certainly, some kids are more fearful than others. AnxiousToddlers.com list many of the fears that children face. We'll go over some of these up to age 11 but of course, there are still many many fears after that. https://www.anxioustoddlers.com/worries-by-age/ Age 2-4 All things related to potty training The Dark Lightening and thunder Shadows Separation from parent (getting lost) Water, pools, baths Animals People in costumes/masks Ages 5-7 Still many toilet-related issues The Dark Monster, Zombies, Ghosts Separation from parent Fear of people not liking them Fear of doctors, dentists, shots Water & pools Loud noises Ages 8-11 Fear of dark Bad people, being kidnapped Being home alone Something bad will happen to parents Fear of dying or loved ones dying Disease, illness, aches, and pains School failure Taking tests Having no friends, being teased by peers Heights Storms So what do we do? 1) First, acknowledge the fear and provide empathy. Talking about it makes it less powerful. 2) Do not ridicule or exacerbate the feelings. Laughing will make them feel worse. 3) Don't avoid the fear. Provide support and care as you approach the fear. For example, if they are afraid of the pool, you can hold them and go in slowly. 4) Have them rate the fear from 1 to 10. It might not be as intense as you thought. Or it's more intense than you thought. 5) Teach them relaxation, breathing techniques. Also positive reinforcement such as "I can do this". 6) There are books that deal with fear and anxiety that might be helpful by sharing stories. 7) In extreme situations, get professional help. But understand every child has fears.

Relationship Advice For Dads – Dudes To Dads Ep 137 Oct 18, 2017

Show notes

We focus so much on the parent-child relationship, however, it's important for us to focus on the relationship we have with our spouse. Here are some relationship advice tips for dads: 1) Listen to her instead of trying to solve problems - We men have a tendency to try and solve problems instead of just listening. 2) Know her love language and do more of it: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, or Physical Touch...and do more of it 3) Say "I love you" more. Send her a text during the day or write her a note. Don't make it sexual, just be vanilla 4) Remember your anniversary (and her birthday). Plan something of getting her gifts, depending on her love language 5) Don't complain - Nobody likes to hear complaining. Even if it's not about her. Refrain from verbalizing it. 6) Give her compliments - While they can be physical, men often compliment when they want something. Compliment her on something non-physical or non-sexual, and expect nothing in return. 7) Plan a weekend getaway without kids - Go away for a weekend. If you can't afford to go anywhere, have your kids go away for a weekend to a friend's or relative's house. Maybe you can do an exchange with another family. 8) If something is bothering you in the relationship, look at what you could do differently in order to get a different response. Maybe it's not her? Sometimes we have to look at our own behavior and what we might be causing. 9) Don't be critical - Instead of saying what you don't like, say what you do like 10) Offer help unsolicited - Don't ask if she needs help, instead make a statement to help. For example, "I'll go pick up the kids tonight. Why don't you take a few minutes to relax". 11) Reduce or Eliminate Expectations - This one is hard but we all do it. Are you placing high expectations on your spouse? Stop doing and see how that affects how to respond to each other.

Natural Consequences – Let Your Kids Be Cold, Wet, & Lunchless – Dudes To Dads Ep 136 Oct 10, 2017

Show notes

Today in Episode 136 we are talking about natural consequences. What are they are why are they so effective? Definition: Natural consequences to children are things that happen as a result of behavior (or lack of it) with no interference by an adult. The cool part is that you get to teach your children important lessons, without being the bad guy. Here are a couple of examples: 1) If you stand in the rain, you'll get wet. So when you ask them to put on a raincoat, bring an umbrella, or rain boots, they will get wet and probably be pretty uncomfortable. 2) If you don't eat, you get hungry - How many times do we tell our kids to make sure they eat before they leave somewhere. If they choose not to and then get hungry, it's not going to be fun. 3) If you forget your lunch, you are going to be hungry - Parents will often save the day by running back to the school. 4) If you forget your backpack, you will turn in your assignment late - Again, parents will often bring the backpack to school for the child. 5) If you don't bring a jacket when it's cold out, you will be cold - You can tell them it is going to be cold but until they experience it, they may not understand. They will begin to believe what you say. 6) If you don't read the lesson or study for the test, you will get a bad grade. It's up to them if they want to get good grades. Again, if your child is not concerned about their grade, you are going to have to figure that one out. This is probably your concern and not theirs. But for most, they want to do well and will remember when something is due. The key with all of these is that you first have to have the discussion with your child about the consequences. You can't just spring it on them as they may not understand what the risk is. Also, this doesn't work in every situation. For example, your child doesn't put their clothes in the hamper. You might say, "only the clothes in the hamper are getting washed." Yet your child doesn't care about wearing dirty clothes. It's certainly not going to work in that situation. A big proponent of this is Jane Nelson, author of Positive Discipline. She also indicates there are times when natural consequences are not practical: 1) When a child is in danger (like playing the street) 2) Take time for training (typically use logical consequences, like a toddler crossing the street. Punishment does not work) 3) When natural consequences interfere with the rights of others 4) When the results of children's behavior do not seem like a problem to them, they are ineffective (my laundry example) The cousin to this concept is Logical Consequences. These are different in that they require the intervention of an adult. People often get them confused. If it requires any intervention from you, it's a logical consequence. We'll have to have another podcast about logical consequences. So use natural consequences where you can. As difficult as sometimes it can be, you'll begin to see behavior change as a result.

How To Help Your Child Make New Friends – Dudes To Dads Ep 135 Oct 03, 2017

Show notes

This episode 135 is about helping your child make new friends. As they get into school in kindergarten they start creating friendships. A lot of it is related to proximity. Kids in the same class become friends or you become friends with kids in the neighborhood. It's really cool to see kids that develop a bond early on. But sometimes you see that they don't mesh well. You have to recognize if it could be your kid that is the issue or the other children they are around just may not be a good fit. For example, if your child is shyer, do they seem to mesh well with another shy child or someone younger? You need to be pro-active. Nothing is going to happen by doing nothing. Discuss the qualities that make a good friend - honesty, being kind, having fun. Ask them the type of qualities they value? What kind of people do they want in their life? Provide Positive reinforcement - "I saw you and Sarah were sharing your dolls back and forth. You were really playing well together." Offer them some conversation and/or playing tips: "Allow both people to talk". "Ask them questions, but also allow them to ask you questions." Do you usually play what your friend wants to or always tell them what to do? Schedule Play Dates - Try setting up times to play with different children. Only one at a time though. Try different personalities. You'll begin to see the who your child seems to get along with. However, this may not always be the desired friend. Just because they are getting along doesn't mean they are each a good influence on each other. Keep Expectations in Check - Never force the child to have the playdate but certainly, you can encourage it. Don't make a huge deal of it. "You don't have friends or "you need new friends" is not something ideal to say. You also need to be aware. Are you not getting asked to reciprocate the playdate? Are other kids not wanting to play with your kid? Be aware if there is a real problem - If your child seems to really have problems with other kids, consider professional help. It may be something you are missing and a professional could discover it.

9 Values To Teach Your Child – Dudes To Dads Ep 134 Sep 26, 2017

Show notes

In episode 134 Alan and Jason discuss 9 values dad can teach their kids. Here they are in no particular order: 1. Respect - Have respect for other people, yourself, and things around you. 2. Honesty - Tell the truth. Sometimes it's really hard, to tell the truth. 3. Being Polite - Say please and thank you. 4. Responsibility - Daily tasks such as brushing teeth and doing homework without being reminded teach responsibility. 5. Patience - Not everything happens quickly. It can take a long time for things to come about. 6. Gratitude - It's the secret to happiness 7. Don't Give Up - Quitting will not get you where you want to go. 8. Love - Allow them to express their emotions. Give them hugs, kisses, and say I love you often. 9. Empathy - The most important element in getting along with others.

Anger Management for Dads – Tips to Control Your Temper – Dudes to Dads Ep 133 Sep 19, 2017

Show notes

Anger is a real. We all get angry. But as a dad, it's important we learn how to control our anger as our kids are watching. They see how we react and how we deal with things. Most of us don't want to be angry, we just sometimes can't help it. Although the reality is that it is a choice. While re-wiring our brain is the best answer, it may not be realistic for everyone. Let's start out by discussing a few types of anger. There are many but these seem to be some common ones: Passive anger - usually is displayed in some not so obvious way. People may use the term "passive/aggressive". Jokes, avoidance of a situation Overwhelmed anger - sometimes used to relieve stress or pain, caused by life's demands that could be too much Volatile anger - builds and then erupts like a volcano. Expressed either physically or verbally. Self-inflicted anger - this is directed at yourself, could be from guilt or shame guilt Judgmental anger - which is directed toward others. Being critical, belittling others. Chronic anger - which is prolonged, ongoing and can greatly affect someone's health If you find yourself getting angry with your child or spouse a lot, here are some ways to deal with anger: 1. Count to ten - take a breath and count. allow yourself the break 2. Take a timeout / physically walk away and remove yourself from the situation 3. Practice meditation or breathing exercises 4. Exercise - releases happy hormones and relieves stress 5. Understand why you are mad - we often get mad at our kids when we are actually frustrated or mad at something else. Identify exactly what you are mad at and figure out if you can change it 6. Self-Acceptance or acceptance of others - Learn that you are ok the way you are and so are other people. It takes practice. But ask yourself, is being mad the state I really want to be in? 7. Seek professional help. If it doesn't feel like something you can solve or that it gets better, go get professional help.

Stop Shoulding On Your Kid – Love the Child You Have, Not the One You Want – Dudes To Dads Ep 132 Sep 12, 2017

Show notes

As fathers, we may have an idea of how things should be. We "should" all over everyone. We often have high expectations. This may be expectations for ourselves, our spouses, and yes, even our children. But what happens when we think something should go a certain way and it doesn't or our kid should be a certain way and they are not? What do we do? We love them unconditionally, regardless of what we think they should do or be. For example: My kid is not good at sports - Yes physical exercise is important, but the likelihood they are going to be a professional athlete is 0. Why is this so important to you? Maybe because you played sports? My kid is not very smart - Do they simply need some extra help? Are there other things that are distracting them. When kids find things interesting, they are typically more eager to learn. My kid is messy and can't clean up - I think this is common as they learn behavior over time. But really look at your own behavior. Are you cleaning up after yourself as well? My kid moves too slow - Very common once again. Their brains just don't process the information as fast as adults. They may also be a "smell the roses" kind of personality that can be different from you. My kid doesn't seem to have common sense - They need to be taught the ways of the world. You OB1 can teach them things. My kid doesn't have any ambition - Why is success or ambition so important? Do you feel they will struggle? What if they are happy with where they are at? Ambition and success do not equal happiness My kid doesn't have a good work ethic - Similar to ambition. While most people will agree that hard work is important, what if they don't want much? It's one thing if they want something but aren't willing to work for it. If so, they will quickly learn that on their own. My kid doesn't want to go to college - And what if they don't? Does college mean success? or happiness? Back in the day, a "good education" meant getting a "good job" but it did not equal happiness. Not everyone is set up for college and more specifically college success. You need to evaluate the pressure and expectations you are putting on your child. Are you allowing them to grow as an individual to be who they are instead of what you want them to be? Reflect back on your own childhood and see if you were ever made to feel that you were disappointing your parents because of what you did or decided to be. It doesn't feel good.

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected