Bare Marriage

Latest Episodes:

Episode 251: All About Orgasms! Let’s Close the Gap! Sep 19, 2024

Show notes

The evangelical world has an orgasm gap of 47 points between husbands and wives. Only 48% of women orgasm almost always or always, and 33% orgasm never or rarely.
The good news is that if you're in that 33%--you can still get to the 48%!
Today Rebecca and I look back at all the other episodes we've talked about orgasms, and have a great time discussing how we can learn to help couples prioritize her pleasure!
THE ORGASM COURSE
It's on sale until Monday, September 23 at midnight! When you purchase the regular course, you'll get the men's version added for free!
TO SUPPORT US

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
Join our email list!

Things Mentioned in the Podcast

The Great Sex Rescue
Episode 74: You're Not Broken if Orgasm Is Elusive
Episode 92: All about Orgasms
Episode 129: Where Emerson Eggerichs Ignores Marital Rape (and doesn't understand women's arousal)
Episode 222: How Sex Is Like Chef Boyardee
Episode 168: The Myth of the Magic Penis

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 250: Not All Men—But How Do We Tell? Sep 12, 2024

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We know it’s not all men who are predators. But it’s far too many. And a recent horrible court case in France is reminding women all over the world that far too many men are willing and eager to do the unthinkable. The only way to tell who is safe is to look at their words and their actions. And the words of far too many evangelical leaders and authors and pastors are straight up rape culture. After what happened to Gisele Pelicot, I’m not willing to put up with it anymore. No more Every Man’s Battle rape culture mindset in the church!
TO SUPPORT US

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
Join our email list!

LINKS

Our Sponsor:

Rebecoming: Come Out of Hiding to Live as Your God-Given Essential Self.
This amazing book is one of the best I’ve read to explain basic counseling concepts, and gives you practical exercises to work through as you try to get unstuck. Highly recommend!

Things Mentioned

Check out Sheila's books:

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 249: Rebecoming: Figuring Out Why You’re Stuck feat. Dr. Merry Lin Sep 05, 2024

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It’s a complete therapy session—in one book and one podcast! Dr. Merry Lin joins us to explain why we so often feel stuck—and how to move forward. If you’ve been confused by terms like trauma, attachment theory, the Stone Age brain, and more, Dr. Merry Lin joins us for a primer that can help us get unstuck—and rebecome who we were meant to be!
TO SUPPORT US

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
Join our email list!

HELP US OUT AFTER THE HACKING!

Please follow OUR NEW FACEBOOK PAGE
If you see a Facebook page called Endlessly Stories with weird images—that is our old page. Please report it!

About Dr. Merry Lin:

THINGS MENTIONED IN THE PODCAST:

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 248: Making Faith More Tangible in the Holy Everyday feat. Karen Stiller Aug 29, 2024

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What does it look like to actually grow like Christ? Like, not from a sermon, or not from some lofty retreat, but just in the here and now? Can we actually grow “holier”? A beautiful conversation with Karen Stiller, author of the book Holiness Here. We tackle envy, joy, contentment—and even grief, as she shares about processing the death of her husband.
TO SUPPORT US

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
Join our email list!

HELP US OUT AFTER THE HACKING!

Please follow OUR NEW FACEBOOK PAGE
If you see a Facebook page called Endlessly Stories with weird images—that is our old page. Please report it!

ABOUT KAREN

Find Karen’s book Holiness Here
Find the article Karen wrote about grief

THINGS MENTIONED IN THE PODCAST:

The post I wrote for Karen about what churches need today
Join the Bare Marriage cruise, February 2025!
The Orgasm Course
We're in the midst of revamping The Whole Story, our sex and puberty course! If you purchase it now you can still work through it, and then you'll have access to the new one when it's out in two months.
See Keith and me speak at a marriage conference in Lead, South Dakota, September 27 & 28

Check out Sheila's books:

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 247: Ask Sheila and Rebecca Anything! We Tackle Your Questions Aug 22, 2024

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Sheila and Rebecca are answering your questions today! We covered how to find a new church when you feel like church has let you down; how to start your sex life well; what to do when people don’t think purity culture was harmful; and so much more! And we throw data and nuance into the mix too.
HELP US OUT AFTER THE HACKING!

Please follow OUR NEW FACEBOOK PAGE
If you see a Facebook page called Endlessly Stories with weird images—that is our old page. Please report it!

OUR SPONSOR
It's the Bible that lets girls see themselves in the story! The Kingdom Girls Bible from Zonderkidz--with profiles of all the women in the Bible (including many you may not have heard of!). It's an awesome Bible for girls 8-12--or for you too!
TO SUPPORT US

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
Join our email list!

LINKS

Download our rubric and scorecard for the problematic books
Check out our Toolkit with handouts on all the toxic teachings, and more
The Good Girl’s/Good Guy’s Guides to Great Sex (make them the engagement gifts!)
The Great Sex Rescue
My Instagram Channel where all the questions came from
Last week’s podcast on authoritarian control
Podcast from a Pelvic Floor Physiotherapist

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 246: How Toxic Marriage Advice Mirrors Coercive Control Aug 15, 2024

Show notes

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What if you discovered that marriage books like The Excellent Wife actually follows Steve Hassan's BITE model of cult indoctrination? And what if these marriage books were giving advice that mirrored coercive control?
Bare Marriage podcast, episode 246, featuring Bethany Jantzi. Bethany did her thesis on coercive control, and today she shows us how these books use methods like: diminishing/devaluing personhood; undermining autonomy; creating psychological dependency; using a fear-based system of control; suppressing critical thinking; and conditioning compliance. And all of those things factor into abuse rates and coercive control. And we can do better than this!
OUR SPONSOR:
It's the Bible that lets girls see themselves in the story! The Kingdom Girls Bible from Zonderkidz--with profiles of all the women in the Bible (including many you may not have heard of!). It's an awesome Bible for girls 8-12--or for you too!
TO SUPPORT US:
Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!
FIND BETHANY:
Free From Control on Instagram
Bethany's website: Free From Control
THINGS MENTIONED:
How God Sees Women by Terran Williams
Marg Mowczko on Bible Interpretations
Our Series on the Danvers Statement

Timestamps

0.11 Intro

11.30 Complimentarianism

18.24 God Knows Best

31.50 Control and Domination

40.10 Wife as a Training Ground

59.30 Are We Under Undue Influence

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 245: The Problems with The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace Aug 08, 2024

Show notes

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The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace sells like hotcakes in biblical counseling/ fundamentalist/ homeschooling circles, and even though it seems like a “fringe” book, it’s affecting tens of thousands of women. Today Marissa Burt and Tia Levings and I sit down to talk about the problems with this book that tells women they must obey their husbands and submit—no matter what.
Our Sponsor:

It's the Bible that lets girls see themselves in the story! The Kingdom Girls Bible from Zonderkidz--with profiles of all the women in the Bible (including many you may not have heard of!). It's an awesome Bible for girls 8-12--or for you too!
To Support Us:

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!

Things Mentioned in the Podcast:

Download our Onesheet on The Excellent Wife
Our podcast on how Emerson Eggerichs misuses Scripture in Love & Respect
Marissa’s post on 10 reasons parents have a hard time giving up spanking
4 Concerns with Biblical Counseling

About Tia Levings:

Tia’s book, The Well-Trained Wife
Find Tia on Instagram and Substack (as The Anti-Fundamentalist)
Listen to last week’s podcast with Tia

About Marissa Burt:

Find Marissa on Instagram and X
Read Marissa’s Substack

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 244: A Well-Trained Wife with Tia Levings Aug 01, 2024

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She went to a flagship SBC church. She wasn’t supposed to get sucked into fundamentalism. But Tia ended up being stuck in an abusive marriage, trying to fix things by following advice from Gothard and more. It made her sick. It made her hopeless. But finally she realized, no one else is going to rescue us. I have to do this for me and the kids. And she did. Her story is riveting, touching, and relevant. Listen to a Well-Trained Wife!

Our Sponsor:

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!

About Tia Levings:

Tia’s book, The Well-Trained Wife
Find Tia on Instagram and Substack (as The Anti-Fundamentalist)

Things Mentioned in the Podcast:

Tia's reel on Fundie Baby Voice
The Dallas area pastors who have had to resign

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 243: Modesty vs. Vanity: Maybe We Need to Shift the Conversation! Jul 25, 2024

Show notes

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The evangelical church spends a lot of time giving modesty messages to girls. But we hardly ever talk about vanity--even though the Bible condemns it. Could it be that in all our talk about modesty, we're inadvertently promoting vanity? And perhaps we can't call out vanity, because our messages to boys essentially enable vanity. Join Rebecca and Sheila as we hash this one out!
With thanks to our sponsor:
If church was your place of deepest hurt, can you find peace and healing with Christ? Check out Ryan George's book Hurt and Healed by the Church

To Support Us:

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!

Things Mentioned in the Podcast:

Our book She Deserves Better
The Instagram channel HerCherch with all the cartoons
Our Orgasm Course and Libido Course
Our podcast looking at the long-term effects of the modesty message
Why is Dannah Gresh calling 8-year-old bellies intoxicating?
Our one-sheet on Lies Young Women Believe
The reel from Our Savior's Church
The side-by-side plagiarized apology from Josh Howerton

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 242: Spot the Propaganda and Logical Fallacies feat. Scott Coley Jul 18, 2024

Show notes

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Ever heard people say, "The Bible is crystal clear" or "if you don't believe that, you don't believe the Bible?" Quite often people equate their interpretation of the Bible with the Bible itself--with bad results. Today Scott Coley joins us to talk about his new book Ministers of Propaganda, and to look at how many evangelical leaders have used logical fallacies to keep themselves at the top of the power hierarchy. Plus let's look at how to get back to the way of Jesus!
With thanks to our sponsor:
If church was your place of deepest hurt, can you find peace and healing with Christ? Check out Ryan George's book Hurt and Healed by the Church

To Support Us:

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!

Things Mentioned in the Podcast:

Find Scott Coley's book Ministers of Propaganda
Find Scott on X
Check out The Great Sex Rescue Toolkit

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

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