Bare Marriage

Latest Episodes:

Episode 231: Are We Saying that Wives Don't Have to Have Sex? Apr 04, 2024

Show notes

When we talk about how God made sex to be mutual, intimate, and pleasurable for both, and how, if women don't want sex, the answer is to figure out why, we invariably get people saying, "so you think women don't have to have sex then?"
Today on the podcast we look at the 90% problem vs. the 10% problem. In 90% of cases where women don't want sex, there's a reason. Let's focus mostly on the 90%! But guess what? We actually talk about the 10% too!
Our Sponsor:
The book Forgiveness After Trauma. A victim-centered approach to what forgiveness looks like after betrayal. Rather than pressuring a victim to forgive, let's examine what Scripture says about lament, anger, accountability, and what reconciliation looks like. I was so, so blown away by this book, and saw things in Scripture I never saw before. Check out Susannah Griffith's story, and this amazing book.
To Support Us:

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!

The Products We Mentioned:

Things Mentioned in the Podcast:

Our podcast on obligation sex, and the post that goes along with it
The podcast where we discuss Emerson Eggerichs saying you can't tell if a woman is aroused--and a follow-up podcast going into more detail on how evangelical writers portray female orgasm
More podcasts on libido: 3 ways to talk about libido differences, and have we made sex into a yes space for men?

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 230: Why Evangelical Honeymoons Go So Badly feat. Jay Stringer Mar 28, 2024

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Recently Texas SBC megachurch pastor Josh Howerton told brides that on the wedding night, they should "stand where he wants you to stand, wear what he wants you to wear, and do what he wants you to do." Sex was presented as something that HE has been waiting for his whole life, and that she has to provide. There was no emphasis on how she actually has greater need to be cared for sexually, if you're going to begin well, than he does. Jay Stringer joins us today to talk about how the conversation around sex often leads to couples starting off badly--and also allows men to not have to grow up or do the work of being mature, emotionally healthy people.
Our Sponsor:
The book Forgiveness After Trauma. A victim-centered approach to what forgiveness looks like after betrayal. Rather than pressuring a victim to forgive, let's examine what Scripture says about lament, anger, accountability, and what reconciliation looks like. I was so, so blown away by this book, and saw things in Scripture I never saw before. Check out Susannah Griffith's story, and this amazing book.
To Support Us:

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!

About Jay Stringer:

Check out Jay's book Unwanted
Find Jay on Instagram
Learn more about the upcoming Sexual Attachment Conference

Links We Mentioned:

Jay's first podcast with us on his book Unwanted
Our book The Great Sex Rescue, with the stats on vaginismus and sexual pain
Our books for engaged couples, The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex
Our podcast looking at Josh and Jana's Howerton's sex talk
The podcast showing how Josh Howerton plagiarizes in his sermons
The Orgasm Course
The Marriage Night at Lakepointe Church Howerton was referring to
The study on the effects of orgasm the first time you have sex

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 229: A Victim-Centered Approach to Forgiveness After Trauma Mar 21, 2024

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Forgiveness is so often weaponized against victims in the church. But what does the Bible really say about forgiveness, especially when trauma is involved? How can we value our own mental health but also follow Jesus? This is a fascinating and healing conversation with Susannah Griffith, author of Forgiveness After Trauma.
Our Sponsor:
The Kingdom Girls NIV Bible. Meet the women in God's story! Designed for girls, but honestly--it's awesome for every woman! And it makes a great Easter gift. The Bible includes beautiful photos and write-ups on every woman who is mentioned in Scripture. Finally, a Bible that highlights God's story for women.
View a sample of the Bible here!
To Support Us:

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!

Links We Mentioned:

Susannah Griffith’s book Forgiveness After Trauma
Find Susannah at her website

Future Speaking Events:
Belleville, ON: St. Thomas Anglican Church in Belleville, Ontario is throwing a party for us to celebrate The Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves Better! March 23, 2:30-4:30 pm. Q&A, crafts with toxic books, and more.
More information here.

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 228: How Our Stories Influence Our Marriage Choices feat. Natalie Hoffman Mar 14, 2024

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Natalie Hoffman joins us today to talk about her INCREDIBLE memoir All the Scary Little Gods. Natalie escaped an abusive marriage, and now coaches other women in similar situations. In her memoir, she invites us to listen to the story from the point of view of Little Natalie, and using IFS (Internal Family Systems) to see it from all of her parts. And as we understand our stories, we make it so that we won't recreate the problems.
To Support Us:

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!

Links We Mentioned:

Natalie Hoffman’s book All the Scary Little Gods
Natalie’s website Flying Free, and her Flying Free podcast
The first podcast Natalie did with me–how Christian books made me stay in an abusive marriage
Natalie joined us on our podcast about the book Lies Women Believe
Richard Schwartz' book No Bad Parts
Jenna Riemersma's book on IFS Altogether You

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 227: Are We Creating a Strawman out of Complementarianism? We Respond to Critics Mar 07, 2024

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So many people resist admitting that they are actually egalitarians, because they think they have to be complementarian--even if they don't act like it. Today Sheila and her husband Keith dissect the arguments that are often used to say "we're really complementarian"--even when they're objectively not. And we invite people instead to preach what they practice.
To Support Us:

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
For tax deductible donations in the U.S., support Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch, or any of our courses!

Things Mentioned in the Podcast:

The Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood's statement
Our podcast with Nancy Pearcey where we explain how complementarians act as egalitarians
The interview with Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth and Robert Wolgemuth
The Great Sex Rescue, with our findings about decision-making
Rebecca Groothuis' article about equality
Jonathan Leeman's article (and video) about a husband's authority

Resources about the Biblical Argument for Equality:

Marg Mowczko's site--amazing short articles on virtually every bible passage about gender.
Our podcast with Philip Payne, and his book The Bible vs. Biblical Womanhood
Terran Williams' book How God Sees Women
Terran Williams' series refuting Mike Winger's videos
Julie Zine Coleman's book On Purpose

Future Speaking Events:
Grand Rapids, MI: Sheila and Rebecca will be at Calvin University on March 13 and 14 . March 13 at 4:30; March 13 at 7 pm for a panel discussion; and March 14 at 7 pm. More details here.
Belleville, ON: St. Thomas Anglican Church in Belleville, Ontario is throwing a party for us to celebrate The Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves Better! March 23, 2:30-4:30 pm. Q&A, crafts with toxic books, and more.

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 226: What We've Learned 3 Years After Great Sex Rescue Feb 29, 2024

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The Great Sex Rescue turns 3 this week! And it's been a super eventful three years. So much has changed. So let's talk about the feedback we've had, what we've done since, what people are saying--and where we're going from here.
To Support Us:

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
Or, for tax deductible donations in the U.S., support our Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch at our store, or any of our courses!

Things Mentioned in the Podcast:

The Great Sex Rescue! Learn more, or get it right from Amazon.
Our Healthy Sexuality Rubric where we scored the books we looked at for The Great Sex Rescue.
The Great Sex Rescue Toolkit to tell others about our findings
Our podcast where we discussed how the authors we critiqued had responded to The Great Sex Rescue.
The article on Julie Roys' site about Focus on the Family deleting comments on the Reel where Juli Slattery used our talking points.
Juli Slattery's reel on Focus on the Family's Instagram page
The Bodies Behind the Bus podcast where Joy tells her story about The Great Sex Rescue (we're near the end) (and here's part 2!)

Future Speaking Events:
Grand Rapids, MI: Sheila and Rebecca will be at Calvin University on March 13 and 14 . March 13 at 4:30; March 13 at 7 pm for a panel discussion; and March 14 at 7 pm. More details here.
Belleville, ON: St. Thomas Anglican Church in Belleville, Ontario is throwing a party for us to celebrate The Great Sex Rescue and She Deserves Better! We'll have blackout poetry crafts and other paper crafts to do with toxic books (bring them along!), a silent auction, a Q&A, and more. March 23, 2:30 - 5:00 pm. All welcome.

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 225: Do You Even Want This Kind of Marriage? Feb 22, 2024

Show notes

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Would our reaction to Christian marriage advice change if we realize how many people who write that advice are actually in abusive or destructive marriages? What if people in those marriages are more drawn to write marriage advice to process how they're feeling?
Today we look at two different women that Focus on the Family have held up to be emulated. One is a woman who has written prolifically for them, and when you look at her articles and what she reveals about her relationship, a TON of red flags are present. The other is a woman whose husband was jailed for domestic violence, but then she prayed, he repented, and now they lead Love & Respect seminars together. And Focus on the Family thinks this is a positive message.
Today Sheila Gregoire is joined by her husband Keith and by abuse educator Sarah McDugal.
To Support Us:

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
Or, for tax deductible donations in the U.S., support our Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch at our store!

Things Mentioned in the Podcast:

The article in the Revealer about Elisabeth Elliot's marriage
My article detailing Focus on the Family's Facebook post praising the man who was jailed for domestic violence, as well as the letter I sent to Jim Daly
My article on TradWife influencers and my concern for them
Our podcast on Power of a Praying Wife
Our one sheet download on Love & Respect
Focus on the Family's article "It's the Little Things"
Our Open Letter to Focus on the Family

Find Sarah McDugal:

Follow Sarah on Facebook
Find her at Wilderness to Wild

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 224: Lies Women Believe Part 2: Is God a Monster? Feb 15, 2024

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Lies Women Believe by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth taught concerning things about shame, trauma, and even what God is like. On today's podcast, we're joined by Becky Castle Miller, a doctoral student looking at emotions in the Bible, and Helen Blake, a licensed counselor in Sydney, Australia, to discuss some of the damaging teachings--and point us to a Jesus who understands and sympathizes with our struggles.
Things Mentioned in the Podcast:
To Support Us:

Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
Or, for tax deductible donations in the U.S., support our Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
And check out our Merch at our store!

Our Downloadable Onesheet:
Download our One Sheet on Lies Women Believe, looking at the problems with the book
Other Things We Talked About:

Last week's podcast on Part 1 of Lies Women Believe
Find Becky Castle Miller on Instagram
Scot McKnight's book King Jesus Gospel

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 223: The Problems with Lies Women Believe by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth Feb 08, 2024

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Lies Women Believe by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth is one of the most popular women’s bible study books used in churches across North America. But what does the book actually teach about marriage? About sex? About divorce and abuse? It’s scary, and today Gretchen Baskerville and Natalie Hoffman join host Sheila Wray Gregoire to analyze the harmful messages in Lies Women Believe.
Things Mentioned in the Podcast:
To Support Us:
Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
Or, for tax deductible donations in the U.S., support our Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
Our Downloadable Onesheet:
Download our One Sheet on Lies Women Believe:
Natalie Hoffman's Information:
Natalie’s Podcast Flying Free, and her website
Natalie Hoffman’s book Is It Me: Making Sense of Your Confusing Marriage
Gretchen Baskerville's Information:
Gretchen Baskerville’s site The Lifesaving Divorce:
Gretchen Baskerville’s YouTube channel:
Gretchen’s book The Lifesaving Divorce
Other Resources
Our podcast on The Power of a Praying Wife (featuring Gretchen):
Our podcast telling Natalie’s story:
Our book She Deserves Better, which deals with Nancy Leigh DeMoss’ book Lies Young Women Believe:

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

Episode 222: How Sex Is Like Chef Boyardee–and Other New Research Findings! Feb 01, 2024

Show notes

Send us Fan Mail

Links to things mentioned:
First, support us!
Join our Patreon for as little as $5 a month to support our work
Or, for tax deductible donations in the U.S., support our Good Fruit Faith Initiative through the Bosko Foundation
Check out our Merch!
Our Resources
Sign up for Rebecca’s Friday emails
The Orgasm Course (there’s also an add-on for husbands)
She Deserves Better book
The Studies We Looked At:
Time Use and Feelings of Love
“Women Get Worse Sex: A Confound in the Explanation of Gender Differences in Sexuality
“Popular Psychology Through a Scientific Lens: Evaluating Love Languages From a Relationship Science Perspective”
“Gender Inequities in Household Labor Predict Lower Desire”,
How to Understand Statistics Podcast (and how statistics can be misused):
Want to be part of our research team?
If you're a grad student, prof, or other academic, check out our job opportunities to help with peer reviewed research papers:

Support the show

Join Sheila at Bare Marriage.com!
Check out her books:

The Great Sex Rescue
She Deserves Better
The Marriage You Want and the Study Guide
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
and The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex

And she has an Orgasm Course and a Libido course too!
Check out all her courses, FREE resources, social media, books, and so much more at Sheila's LinkTree.

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