Absolutely Not

Latest Episodes:

Sexy Shawarma Nov 24, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews her favorite, Bad bitch, female chef, Soraya Khoury- owner of Hen Mother Cookhouse in ATL. Did you know that fixing your dry ass bullshit turkey is as simple as slathering that bitch with clarified butter? Chef Soraya has all the tips and tricks to make your holiday perfect while also fighting the patriarchy!

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Visit Brooklinen.com and use Promo code absolutelynot for $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100.

Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com

Get free shipping on all water and merch at LiquidDeath.com/ABSOLUTELY.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Google It Bitch Nov 17, 2021

Show notes

Heather is fresh off of having her labia, ahem, I mean larynx investigated and things are rough. She is joined today by good friend and road dog Christina Tompkins to chat all things tour, positive heckling, farty cowboys, and the power of Google. After all the computer knows more than you ever will.

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That’s thepillclub.com/absolutely, to get your first birth control care package and donate to help more women in need of affordable birth control.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Robin's Safe Place Nov 10, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with her mother, Judge Judy, to discuss her toddler-like behavior on the road this weekend. She showed up ready to party and inevitably steal the show. They discuss Robin's old blind-dates, a chocolate factory and how men never change, for example getting boners on the dance floor! So much family fun and more!

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Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.

Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com

Go to JUNESHINE.com/ABSOLUTELY or use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout for 20% off plus free shipping.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Shake, Rattle, & Roll, BLOCK Nov 03, 2021

Show notes

On this week's episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is triggered by a woman named Margret who wouldn't let her have her hometown sportz moment in peace. Her husband doesnt know what a thermometer is and she was shaken like Italian dressing at the Braves game and is really raging on memories from the past. She hits the hotline and clearly y'all were goin through some shit this weekend too.

Visit Brooklinen.com and use Promo code absolutelynot for $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100

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Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Labia's to the Lobby Oct 27, 2021

Show notes

Heather is fresh off her weekend in Ohio where she had a genital injury but things are turning around now that she is reunited with her BFF, Raymond Padilla. He’s a pillar of every community but also a full liability. They discuss “tying one on” and squirting through life.

Foria is offering our listeners 20% off your first order by visiting foriawellness.com/Absolutely or use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout!

I’ve got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.

Get free shipping on all water and merch at LiquidDeath.com/ABSOLUTELY or grab some at Whole Foods, Sprouts, and 7-Eleven.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Sample Platter of Life Oct 20, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is fresh off an amazing weekend of touring and is jazzed with the spirit of the Lord, We rebuke any evil in the name of Jesus... and ALSO answer your horrific voicemails on the Absolutely Not line.

If you need a little support to help you through the end of the year, or want to start building towards a better upcoming year, Talkspace is here to help. Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY.

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely

Canopy has a special offer for Absolutely Not listeners! Go to GetCanopy.co code ABSOLUTELY10 at checkout to save an additional 10% off your Canopy purchase.

See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Public Hot Tubs with Guest Robin McMahan Oct 13, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather finally gets her mother to sit down and give her 10 minutes of time. Robin has an extensive pro's and cons list of dating must-haves, and good luck to anyone at all that can live up to her list of demands. Naturally the conversation is as ADHD as the kid named Terry in your first grade class, but here we are folks.

Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100

See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.

Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual. That’s 10% off at ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY.

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Dog's On It Oct 06, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is jolted back into her Suburban life with paying bills and dealing with Diva Red. Nothing more humbling than coming home to your mother screaming about parking prices. She's taking your calls on the Absolutely-Not-Line, and it seems like y'all are struggling to keep your shit together just like Heather. It's refreshing to know, that October is off to a hot mess and no one can fit in their jeans either.

Right now, you can get $20 off your first purchase at rothys.com/ABSOLUTELY

Right now, when you go to thepillclub.com/ABSOLUTELY The Pill Club is offering a $10 donation to Bedsider.org for every Absolutely Not listener who becomes a patient.

Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com

See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Wellness Update: High Oct 01, 2021

Show notes

Heather is in the Mile High City, or as she now calls it The High City. We are talking mom weed, IBS, depressed flowers and Heather's rude awakening returning to the US after her Italian adventure.

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.

Get free shipping on all water and merch at liquiddeath.com/absolutely. Or grab some at Whole Foods or 7-Eleven.

Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com

See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Bitching and Chitchatting with Jeff Sep 23, 2021

Show notes

On this Special bonus Episode of Absolutely Not, Heather is once again recording from Italy before heading to the Mile-High City (Denver) to continue her tour. Not all is as it seems in idyllic Repubblica Italiana as Heather copes with being bamboozled with overpriced laundry and glass sculptures. Jeff joins in to justify the need to photograph everything and his observations on Italy’s rich culture.

See Oldnavy.com/bodequality for additional details. Styles subject to availability.

Go to Tradesy.com to get $100 off your first purchase of $500 or more with code ABSOLUTELY

I’ve got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.

So, go on--get comfortable, and get it for less at Brooklinen. Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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