Absolutely Not

Latest Episodes:

Dirty Shirley with Raymond Padilla Jul 28, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather checks in on her buddy and apparent Warehouse Party-goer, Ray Padilla. He is a pillar of the "Leisure Gay" community and here to judge you. They discuss Strip clubs, ideal work environments and future goals.

Go to dailyharvest.com and enter code absolutely to get up to forty dollars off your first box!

I’ve got you 20% off your order and free shipping in the US. Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout.

Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY.

To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to VIZZYHARDSELTZER.COM/ABSOLUTELY

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Reverse Results Jul 21, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is day 1 on a cleanse in the words of Chris Farley "STARVING OVER HERE". She is hitting the hotline harder than ever before. It is always comforting to her to see that everyone else is doing as terrible as she is!

Go to WithAgency.com/absolutelynot for a free 30-day trial, just pay $4.95 for shipping and handling!

Go to CheapCaribbean.com/AbsolutelyNot to get a great deal. We’ll see you on the beach.

Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100

To start listening, simply download the Spotify app, sign up for FREE, and search for Armchair Expert.

Produced by Dear Media

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Return of Chris Ketner Jul 14, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather has been in her basement working on the tour and has her buddy Christopher Ketner trapped. They decided to jump into the voicemail hotline to see what you lil rascals have been up to.

Just head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off of your order.

Get 10% off your first Versed order when you shop at versedskin.com with promo code ABSOLUTELY.

Prose is the healthy hair regimen with your name all over it. Take your FREE in-depth hair consultation and get 15% off your first order today! Go to Prose.com/absolutely.

Listen to Armchair Expert for free, now ONLY on Spotify.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Energy Suck Jul 08, 2021

Show notes

Heather is fresh from her vacay in the Turks and has a PSA for anyone trying to be a friggin LESLIE out there. We literally don't have time for this shit. It's a Hot Girl's Summer and a few of y'all are coming in with an icy attitude. Heather hits the hotline and answers some of your questions and more.

Match with a licensed therapist when you go to talkspace.com and get $100 off your first month with the promo code ABSOLUTELY.

Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Double Bagged Jun 30, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with her mother and artist extraordinaire, The Red Contemporary, to discuss work, dating, and general fabulosity. Diva Red is dishing out a healthy dose of not fucking around, per usual.

Go to CheapCaribbean.com/AbsolutelyNot to get a great deal. We’ll see you on the beach.

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely

You can try OSEA risk-free for 30 days and get free shipping on orders over $50. They even send free samples with every order! And get 10% off your first order with my promo code ABSOLUTELY at OSEAmalibu.com.

To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Patient Portal Jun 23, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of Absolutely Not, Heather gets a lil pep-in-her-step after realizing she might in-fact qualify for the Olympics. After hitting the Voicemail hot line, she finds out someone got their vagina scratch by a house cat and lube is on lock-up at da Walmarts. That and more!

Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order and free shipping in the US.

Get 10% off for first time users when you shop at versedskin.com with promo code Absolutely

Birch is giving 200 dollars off ALL mattresses and 2 free eco-rest pillows at BirchLiving.com/absolutely

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Spanky's Retreat with the GA Law Lady! Jun 16, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is sitting down with her attorney & sister, Ashley McMahan. They are catching up on the wild weekend's they both had. With sandy toes, full drinks and love in their hearts the girls hatch a plan to send their mother off for a sanity check so they can focus on their new shark tank idea.

Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.

To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY.

Go to WithAgency.com/absolutelynot for a free 30-day trial, just pay $4.95 for shipping and handling!

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Mild Anesthesia Jun 09, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the absolutely not podcast, Heather is literally coming out of the operating room and recording this whole podcast honestly, kinda high. No days off for this SHEMPIRE! lolzzz jk dont quote me. She is tackling your biggest absolutely not's yet, one voicemail at a time.

Get started right away with no shipping required by going to StoryWorth.com/absolutely. You’ll get $10 off your first purchase!

Go to Brooklinen.com and use promo code absolutelynot to get $20 off, with a minimum purchase of $100

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Im Going To Flawida Jun 02, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is on a downward spiral from injecting hormones like a Kardashian getting a BBL. When she is inspired by a caller to get in touch with her Floridian roots it sparks joy in her heart and inspires her to quit everything and become a DJ in Fort Myers.

To match with a licensed therapist today, go to Talkspace.com. Make sure to use the code ABSOLUTELY to get $100 off of your first month and show your support for the show.

Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY” at checkout for 20% off your order!

Get Honey for FREE at JoinHoney.com/ABSOLUTELY

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Tool Belt of Responsibilities May 26, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast, Heather is sweating through her linen short set, anxiously awaiting her second round of egg freezing & stresses AF about work. She is keeping herself chained to a radiator in the basement and needs someone to come bring her a self-care snack. Y'all don't seem to be doing much better by the sounds of these voicemails.....

Get key nutrients–without the B.S. Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off during your first 3 months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY to start your Ritual today.

Birch is giving 200 dollars off ALL mattresses and 2 free eco-rest pillows at BirchLiving.com/absolutely

To find out where you can purchase Vizzy go to vizzyhardseltzer.com/ABSOLUTELY. Must be 21+.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected