Absolutely Not

Latest Episodes:

Love It Or List It Jan 26, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is back in California drinking Wine with the Kardashians. Fresh off a 3 show run in Dallas- She breaks down the funniest shit that happened in the Lone Star state and explains why every nail salon owner wears slippery Nikes. Did you also know Texas dip their chips in butter?

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Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

First Class Gaslight Jan 19, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not podcast Heather raises some mild suspicions that an older generation of first class passengers have it in for her. She can't tell if they are trying to intimidate her back to coach or if she is really in the wrong. Fresh off a wonderful weekend touring she's hitting the hotline with all of your issues!

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Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

The Puerto Rican Lotus Jan 13, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather interviews her dear friend Jorge Collazo, about his years in the hotel biz and what it's like to date on a tiny island. Ever wondered what Grindr in the Caribbean has to offer? Don't you worry- Jorge has done the work for you! There's lots of giggles and some endearing reminders to put your feet in the sand and not take life so seriously!

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Less money, less worries, MORE beach. Book today at CheapCaribbean.com.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

A Light Load Jan 05, 2022

Show notes

On this episode of the absolutely not podcast Heather is back from a tryst with Santa and hopped up on supplements & a hope and a prayer. Everyone is panicked about the dumpster fire of the beginning of this year- but here we are holding on for dear life, full of acid reflux and optimism, damnitt!

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Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hunky Dory Bat Signals Dec 29, 2021

Show notes

On this final episode of the Absolutely Not podcast of 2021- Heather ends the year strong- on an emotional rollercoaster of barely holding her shit together. It's obvious all of the listeners are fully spiraling as well - like the High School Musical says "were all in this together". Whether you're fighting omicron or just fighting with your family, Heather takes to the Absolutely NOT line to set the record straight!

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to Modern Fertility.com/absolutely.

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Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Rollerskates on an Escalator Dec 22, 2021

Show notes

It's the end of the year and Heather is filled with all the warm fuzzies! Tune in for her year in review - she's talking gratitude and getting real about coping with the pressure of the industry. Plus, were chatting poultry, UHauls and parental dating on the Absolutely Not Line!

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Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Trish Strikes Again Dec 15, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is answering all of your questions on the Absolutely Not line and noticing a common theme- That white trash scammer named Trish. Turns out she is bugging everyone this year with her antics while she smokes menthols outside of the Buick enclave. She's a scammer, a lover and loves raw meat. You'll understand when you take a listen...

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Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Robin's Youth Detention Center Dec 10, 2021

Show notes

In this special bonus episode, Robin joins Heather to discuss her goals for 2022 and why she should be running a youth detention center. On the voicemails we are talking bad wedding guests, kissin' cousins and unfortunate tattoos. The holidays are upon us and the Absolutely Not's are more unhinged than ever!

Go to getcanopy.co to save $25 on your Canopy Humidifier purchase today when you opt into a replacement filter subscription. You’ll receive a replacement filter every 6 weeks (right when it’s time for a new one) PLUS, you’ll receive a free aroma kit to be used with Canopy Humidifier’s built-in aroma diffuser.

Go to athleticgreens.com/absolutely for a fee 1 year supply of immune supporting Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Trigger Warning Dec 08, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh from her tour of the Florida and Carolina coasts. It was a wild weekend of live, laugh, lovin. Heather remembers growing up as an organic kid looking for their chemical fix. There are lots of trigger warnings in this episode from the sweaty kid in PE to a bitch not letting you drink red wine at her wedding. Buckle up and don't listen if you're easily offended.

Get 20% off your first order by visiting foriawellness.com/ABSOLUTELY OR use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.

Head over to NoDaysWasted.CO/ABSOLUTELY25 and use promo code "ABSOLUTELY25” at checkout for 25% off your order

Go to Thepillclub.com/ABSOLUTELY, to get your first birth control care package and donate to help more women in need of affordable birth control.

Get 20% off your first mani system when you use promo code ABSOLUTELY at oliveandjune.com

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Rebootin' B*tch Dec 01, 2021

Show notes

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, we're having a post-thanksgiving bitch fest because everyone has been forced into unwanted family-time and now we're all chain-smoking near the garage. IT'S A MESS. It's time to reboot bitches, and take some time for yourself-because if we don't, we won't make it out of the holiday's alive!

Get $10 off your first product order of $50 or more on italic.com with code ABSOLUTELYNOT.

With StoryWorth I am giving those I love most a thoughtful, personal gift from the heart and preserving their memories and stories for years to come. Go to StoryWorth.com/absolutely and save $10 on your first purchase!

Right now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutely.

Right now Ritual is offering my listeners 10% off your first three months. Visit ritual.com/ABSOLUTELY and turn healthy habits into a Ritual.

Produced by Dear Media.

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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