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What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

When you’re a parent, every day brings a “fresh hell” to deal with. In other words, there’s always something. Think of us as your funny mom friends who are here to remind you: you’re not alone, and it won’t always be this hard.
We’re Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables, both busy moms of three kids, but with completely different parenting styles. Margaret is a laid-back to the max; Amy never met a spreadsheet or an organizational system she didn’t like.
In each episode of “What Fresh Hell” we offer lots of laughs, but also practical advice, parenting strategies, and tips to empower you in your role as a mom. We explore self-help techniques, as well as ways to prioritize your own needs, combat stress, and despite the invisible workload we all deal with, find joy amidst the chaos of motherhood.
If you’ve ever wondered “why is my kid…” then one of us has probably been there, and we’re here to tell you what we’ve learned along the way.
We unpack the behaviors and developmental stages of toddlers, tweens, and teenagers, providing insights into their actions and equipping you with effective parenting strategies.
We offer our best parenting tips and skills we’ve learned. We debate the techniques and studies that are everywhere for parents these days, and get to the bottom of what works best to raise happy, healthy, fairly well-behaved kids, while fostering a positive parent-child relationship.
If you’re the default parent in your household, whether you’re a busy mom juggling multiple pickups and dropoffs, or a first-time parent seeking guidance, this podcast is your trusted resource. Join our community of supportive mom friends laughing in the face of motherhood!
whatfreshhellpodcast.com

Copyright: Copyright © 2016-2023 What Fresh Hell, LLC

Latest Episodes:

Ask Amy - My Kid Thinks There Are Monsters Under The Bed Jan 11, 2021

Show notes

This week’s question comes from Jaclyn in our Facebook group (facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast):

"Would love some advice for the "monsters under the bed" phase. My three-year-old is worse than he was as a newborn, waking me up 30 times at night! If I ignore him, he will scream and cry, then come into our room. I could let him sleep with us, but he doesn't sleep well when he is in our bed, and neither do we. I tried to put a bed for him on the floor of our room, but he kept asking for more items-water, blankets, pillows, etc. Help!"

In his book The Happiest Toddler on the Block, Dr. Jonathan Karp considers kids' developmental stages as a replay of humanity's evolutionary stages. A 12-18 month old is a "charming chimp-child," 18-24 months is a little Bam-Bam, and by 3 years old, kids have gotten about as sophisticated as someone alive during the Middle Ages might have been.

To people alive in the Middle Ages, vampires were real. They didn't have the luxury of going to therapy to unpack what was behind their fear of someone coming to drink their blood; they put some garlic around their necks and went to bed feeling a little better about their chances of waking up in the morning.

For kids who still believe in magical things as being fully possible, the best "protection" parents can offer them from something scary but imaginary might be something equally unreal and totally wonderful.

For Amy's daughter, drawing a picture of her guardian angel to put next to her bad was enough to move her past her absolute certainty that Edward Scissorhands was coming to get her. All the rationalizing that Amy had tried before that faile, but to her daughter, the angel's protection was real. Instead of talking her daughter out of it, Amy found that a little "good magic" was the far more effective response.

To be clear: a preschooler waking up at night that much might have something else going on, from a soaking-wet Pull-Up to something that might be worth mentioning to your pediatrician. But a spray bottle full of water, also known as No-Monsters-In-Here Magic Elixir, might be more effective than you'd think.

Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next! questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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Fresh Take: Ned Johnson on The Self-Driven Child Jan 08, 2021

Show notes

This week we’re talking to Ned Johnson, co-author (with William Stixrud) of THE SELF-DRIVEN CHILD: THE SCIENCE AND SENSE OF GIVING YOUR KIDS MORE CONTROL OVER THEIR LIVES, which explores how fostering children’s autonomy can help solve two challenges seemingly endemic to kids today: handling anxiety and developing intrinsic motivation.

Ned's research underlines a surprising paradox: when we try to remove stress from our children's lives by smoothing over the bumps in their paths, we inadvertently create MORE stress for our children. As Ned explains:

“A sense of control strengthens the regulation of the amygdala. It is by successfully handling stressful situations in a supportive environment that kids develop strong stress tolerance and resilience."

In this episode we discuss

how one's levels of stress are affected by novelty, unpredictability, and our overall sense of control
the difference between "tolerable stress" and toxic stress
how to be "homework consultants" for our kids without controlling the outcome
why "radical downtime" is so crucial for kids' development

Not sure when you should back off, or not? Here's Ned's overall takeaway:

"When we talk about kids having a sense of control, it's not that we want to put a toddler in charge of the household, or tell her "you've got to go hunt for your own food" or something. It's simply that we don't want to do for kids that which they can do for themselves."

The Self-Driven Child is available from our What Fresh Hell Bookshop page:

https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780735222526

* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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Your Life Begins Again When... (The Second Half of Parenting) Jan 06, 2021

Show notes

This week we bring a hopeful message from your parenting future: it gets easier.

Our listener Kristen went on our Facebook group page with this challenge:

The second part of your life begins when your kids can get dressed to go outside in the snow by themselves and play out there without adult supervision. What's your version of “the second part of your life begins…”?

In this episode, we talk about when your life of pre-parenting ease comes back into focus.

Is it when your kids can go upstairs, take a shower, and put on their own pajamas?

Or when you no longer have to push the swing at the playground?

Or when they can navigate a flight of stairs safely?

Or when they can turn on a screen at 6:30 a.m. without waking you?

The answer to all of the above is YES. And we celebrate them all.

In this episode, Amy mentions the study "Car Seats as Contraception," and Margaret touts these disposable vomit bags for the carsick kiddos:

https://amzn.to/38PHMKU

It’s a new year! What better way to start it off than by making sure your kids (and therefore, YOU) are getting more sleep? Make bedtime less stressful with soothing bedtime audio stories set in the magical, moonlit world of Moshi. The Moshi app features hours of bedtime “stories" created by an award-winning team of writers and composers. Download the Moshi app on Apple’s App Store or Google Play Store, and you’ll get access to a 1-week free trial of Moshi Premium, so you can try Moshi Sleep for your family.

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Ask Margaret- My Kid Is Sneaking Food and Screens Up To Her Room Jan 04, 2021

Show notes

Today's question comes from Elizabeth:

How do you address sneakiness? Having some trouble with rule-breaking lately. Things that are not totally off-limits but do have limits, like candy or screens, are appearing in bedrooms after the adults go to sleep. It's driving me batty and I'd appreciate any advice!

Sneakiness in our kids can really set us off as parents. The idea that our children would directly defy our carefully established rules is often really upsetting.

The good news? Our kids, especially when they are young, tend to be really, really bad at being sneaky. This means that we're going to discover the wrappers or the left-behind screens they've been attempting to hide pretty much every time.

So how do we react?

Margaret suggests a three-step approach:

React calmly. Don't give your kiddo the satisfaction of seeing you blow your top.
Offer an alternative. ("If you are hungry at night, let's start having something right before bed.")
Respond with consistent consequences. ("Every time I find a screen upstairs in your room, you will have no screens at all the following day.")

By taking the emotion out of your interaction, and giving your kids consistent negative outcomes, you'll remind them of the boundaries that exist, and make the sneakiness and boundary-testing less interesting.

Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next!

Email us- questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.

* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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2020: What Was That? Dec 30, 2020

Show notes

2020: seriously, you guys. What was THAT?

In this episode we look back at a very problematic year, and toast our survival as we acknowledge our many struggles. We review what we've learned/ hope to learn/ hope to one day never ever think about again.

We also discuss what we learned from some of our favorite episodes of 2020, and have gathered them in a playlist here:https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4UCfa2pUXKYB653bJVcKsO

We also give special thanks to those who work behind the scenes to make this show possible:

editor Christy Haussler of Team Podcast: https://www.teampodcast.com/

producer Sarah Levithan

social media support from Christina Hart: https://www.instagram.com/itschristinahart/

branding by Jake Lang Digital: https://www.jakelangdigital.com/services

cartoon logo by Emily Pelton: https://emilypelton87.wixsite.com/emilypelton

* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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We Ask Each Other Burning Questions Dec 23, 2020

Show notes

After four years of doing this podcast, we know a lot about each other. In this episode, we ask the burning questions that remain, like:

If you could only eat one thing for the rest of your life what would it be?

Who is your celebrity crush? (warning: #oldilocksalert)

What was your worst job ever?

What do you, in 2020, want to be when you grow up?

What would you grab in a fire?

We also mention a few of our favorite books, all of which are always available in our Bookshop store:

https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast

* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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Ask Amy- How Can I Help My Reluctant Pooper? Dec 21, 2020

Show notes

This week’s question comes from Sarah:

My 22-month-old daughter is an infrequent pooper. She regularly goes 3-5 days between bowel movements, but recently she's started holding it. She's been sitting on the potty to pee for the last month or two, but she'll jump up and say, "no!" when she feels a bowel movement. This means that when she does finally go, it’s… a lot. She had a bit of diarrhea a few months ago and got a rash, so maybe she's remembering that it hurt? We praise her whether she poops in the potty or in her diaper, but she gets distraught when she goes in her diaper. Sometimes she holds onto us and cries. The few times she's gone in the potty, she seems less upset, but you can tell she doesn't like going.

We don’t think this is a constipation issue. I am immensely anxious about this and worry that my anxiety is rubbing off on her. I'm constantly keeping track of the last time she pooped and wondering whether she needs prunes/Restoralax to help her go. These things have helped in the past, but I know they're not addressing the issue of her not wanting to go. How can we help her feel better about pooping without making it too big of a deal? We talk about how everybody poops and that it's okay to go, but I'm not sure that's helping.

I keep trying to tell myself that this is a phase she'll grow out of, but it's hard to see past the worry of whether she's going to poop this week when you're in the middle of it. Thanks for any advice you may have!

This is almost always a phase– but one toddlers need a little help with, especially if it's distressing them or causing them discomfort. Keep in mind that while some kids are ready to start potty-training before their second birthday, others are not ready for another year or more. (Ask me how I know.) It's also common to have a kid who pees on the potty without a problem, but finds pooping more difficult.

Sarah's overall instinct is right: if you have a reluctant pooper, you need to make it less of a big deal. Turn down the focus on the potty-training until things are a little easier. Praise sitting on the potty itself, the act of sitting and being patient, instead of the results that may or may not occur. And don't force it if your child isn't ready.

If pooping does happen in a diaper, make sure that's not being perceived as a "less-than" outcome by your toddler. Pooping in a diaper is definitely better than not pooping at all!

Keep the prunes going (we called them "giant raisins" in our house) and make sure your child is getting plenty of fluids. Ask your pediatrician before supplementing with fiber– if your kid is already backed up, it might be counterproductive. And make sure to mention diarrhea or soiling to your pediatrician as well- it can be something called "encopresis," which is a paradoxical symptom of severe constipation.

Finally, this list of potty-encouraging books from kindercare.com has all the classics. Make storytime part of potty-sitting, and pretend that what else is happening is so "regular" that it's not a big deal.

https://www.kindercare.com/content-hub/articles/2017/june/poop-and-pee-on-every-page-8-adorable-pottytraining-books-to-read-with-your-kids

Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next!

Email us- questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.

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Extremely Achievable Holiday Traditions Dec 16, 2020

Show notes

This topic came from Bradie on our Facebook page, who asked:

What is one simple, basic, Christmas tradition that your family has? Don't come at me with baking gingerbread houses or cutting down your Christmas tree. I'm talking things like a favorite meal, the order and manner in which you open presents, a book you always read. Standards are low over here, people.

Don't we all deserve an easy holiday season this year? This episode is full of ideas for wrapping gifts (and other things), easy cookie recipes, and more. These ideas are Christmas-based, although holiday lights and red flannel jammies probably have pagan roots anyhow, so come one come all!

Two main takeaways for your holiday season:

When in doubt, add hot cocoa.
Let the laws of holiday attrition work in your favor.

Here are links to some Christmas favorites discussed in this episode:

saltine toffee cookies: https://www.allrecipes.com/recipe/11376/saltine-toffee-cookies/

Rachael Ray's Christmas pasta: https://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/christmas-pasta-recipe-2013437

"Christmas Island": https://open.spotify.com/album/3GK2W9eAOQ6585VCGKvKkh?highlight=spotify:track:4y8qmJFYisrLsWzfOjNbxi

and the new-to-us Christmas pickle: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_pickle

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Ask Margaret - When Your Parent-Teacher Conference Doesn't Go So Well Dec 14, 2020

Show notes

This week Margaret’s talking about parent-teacher conferences, after writing about her own most recent conferences on our social media.

At one of the conferences, Margaret heard amazing things: her child is thriving, reading above grade-level, adored by all.

But she's also had conferences when she heard her kids were struggling, not sitting still, NOT performing at grade level.

(Amy has also had both kinds of parent-teacher conferences, by the way.)

Some kids are built for school, and they will thrive in that environment. Others will find it much harder. But your kid’s A-plus, or C-minus, is not your own. As a parent, you're in communication with the teacher as an advocate for your kids, but you’re not there to make sure your kid's school experience– or life– turns out perfectly.

It's crucial to keep that in mind when we have parent-teacher conferences: we’re not there to find out whether WE passed the test.

Link to Margaret's thoughts here: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast/status/1336079462941806592

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Fresh Take: Susan Katz Miller on Interfaith Families at the Holidays Dec 11, 2020

Show notes

This week we’re talking to Susan Katz Miller, author of THE INTERFAITH FAMILY JOURNAL, a hands-on journal that helps families learn how to best honor one another’s spiritual and cultural needs.

The holidays are always intense, and if your family is an intersection of multiple traditions, it can really ratchet up the pressure for perfection times two. Which is when it’s time to maintain perspective. As Susan explains:

“I try to help people to understand that if they're having conflict often, it's not about religious difference. It's not about theology. It's not about whether there was an actual physical resurrection or not. It's usually about whether to put the fried onions on the green bean casserole or not.”

In this episode we discuss

why every family is an interfaith family
how to reduce conflict about traditions with your spouse’s extended family
how to help your spouse when the hard feelings are on your family’s side
how to push back on the pressure to do “both” traditions perfectly
how to help your kids navigate being of a different faith than most people in your community
how to handle it when you’re observant but your spouse is not (or vide versa)
the resentment that can occur when the mom in a family is expected to carry the weight of passing on a religious tradition that's not even hers

It’s worth it to have the conversations, do the work, and delineate a “sacred circle” that works for your immediate family. As Susan explains, when you and your spouse come from different traditions, “you’re going to be doing the work anyhow.” But challenging your own mindset and context is also an incredible opportunity for growth– even if the way your spouse’s family opens their holiday gifts is completely and totally wrong.

Here are links to some other writing on the topic we discuss in this episode:

Pew Research Center: Why America’s ‘nones’ don’t identify with a religion

https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/08/08/why-americas-nones-dont-identify-with-a-religion/

Stina Kielsmeier-Cook: Blessed Are the Nones: Mixed-Faith Marriage and My Search for Spiritual Community

https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780830848270

and you can buy THE INTERFAITH FAMILY JOURNAL here:

https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781558968257

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