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What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

When you’re a parent, every day brings a “fresh hell” to deal with. In other words, there’s always something. Think of us as your funny mom friends who are here to remind you: you’re not alone, and it won’t always be this hard.
We’re Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables, both busy moms of three kids, but with completely different parenting styles. Margaret is a laid-back to the max; Amy never met a spreadsheet or an organizational system she didn’t like.
In each episode of “What Fresh Hell” we offer lots of laughs, but also practical advice, parenting strategies, and tips to empower you in your role as a mom. We explore self-help techniques, as well as ways to prioritize your own needs, combat stress, and despite the invisible workload we all deal with, find joy amidst the chaos of motherhood.
If you’ve ever wondered “why is my kid…” then one of us has probably been there, and we’re here to tell you what we’ve learned along the way.
We unpack the behaviors and developmental stages of toddlers, tweens, and teenagers, providing insights into their actions and equipping you with effective parenting strategies.
We offer our best parenting tips and skills we’ve learned. We debate the techniques and studies that are everywhere for parents these days, and get to the bottom of what works best to raise happy, healthy, fairly well-behaved kids, while fostering a positive parent-child relationship.
If you’re the default parent in your household, whether you’re a busy mom juggling multiple pickups and dropoffs, or a first-time parent seeking guidance, this podcast is your trusted resource. Join our community of supportive mom friends laughing in the face of motherhood!
whatfreshhellpodcast.com

Copyright: Copyright © 2016-2023 What Fresh Hell, LLC

Latest Episodes:

The Things We're Never Going Back To Feb 03, 2021

Show notes

This last (almost) year has been full of challenges. On the other hand, so many things that we thought had to be a certain way– weekends packed with travel sports, weddings with hundreds of guests, the wearing of Spanx– have been proven surprisingly optional.

In this episode, we discuss the things that we and our listeners are hereby declaring we’ll never do, or wear, or worry about again. From pants with buttons to touching strangers, we are here to say that a new path forward is eminently possible.

We mention our episode "What This Has Taught Us About Our Kids"– you can listen to that episode here: https://bit.ly/WFHep162

* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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Ask Margaret - Talking to Kids About Death Feb 01, 2021

Show notes

Today's question comes from our Facebook group:

"My son is 5 years old and in pre-K. One of the kiddos in his class lost his dad when he was very young. Since learning this, my son has started asking us about death, and has started worrying that something is going to happen to me or my husband. I'm not sure how to talk to him about it. I want him to know that it does happen, and we need to be compassionate to his friend, but also don't want him to worry every day. How can I bring this hard topic down to his level?"

Five years old is a developmentally-appropriate age for kids to start having significant questions about death, along with real worries about dying themselves or losing one of their parents. That's true whether or not they've experienced the death of someone close to them.

These questions can be hard for parents because, unlike most of the other questions our kids ask, we don't have any perfectly satisfying answers to provide. Questions like "Why did my friend's dad die so young?" or "Are you going to die, Mommy?" can rattle us because we find these questions frightening and difficult ourselves.

The solution is to talk openly and honestly with our children about death. Avoid metaphors and imagery like "He's gone to a better place," or "He's sleeping with the angels," which can confuse kids or make them think death is temporary. Instead, try to speak plainly about death, even if you find it very difficult. Explain that when people die, they don't come back. That is why death feels so sad for those who are still living. These discussions can– and should– also involve your own beliefs and religious traditions.

Margaret also cites Anya Kamanetz's NPR article "Be Honest and Concrete: Tips for Talking To Kids About Death." Kamanetz reminds us that kids take in knowledge the way they eat an apple - a few small bites at a time. It's a great reminder to avoid overburdening kids with too much information. Instead, answer questions as they come up, read books that deal with death in an age-appropriate way, and discuss them openly– so your kids always feel that they have a chance to talk out things with you, even if those things feel scary.

Margaret praises the book 'Tuck Everlasting' in this episode, which is available in our Bookshop store:

https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780312369811

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Fresh Take: Dr. Christine Koh On Building a Family After Adverse Childhood Experiences Jan 29, 2021

Show notes

Dr. Christine Koh, in her own words, is a "music and brain scientist turned multimedia creative." Christine creates content to help people live better, happier, and with elevated purpose and intention, including the Edit Your Life podcast. She's also someone who grew up with adverse childhood experiences, and has experience in building a family when our family of origin was not the kind of family we want.

In this episode we discuss the measurable physiological detriments of toxic stress; the importance of safe, stable, nurturing environments; and most importantly, that it is possible for significant challenges of early adversity to be met once they are no longer cloaked in shame. As Vincent Felitti, co-founder of the ACE Study, explains: “When we make it okay to talk about what happened, it removes the power that secrecy so often has.”

Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:

Christine Koh: The Adults Who Saved Me And What You Need To Know About ACEs

Donna Jackson Nakazawa for Psychology Today: 8 Ways People Recover From Post Childhood Adversity Syndrome

Dr. Nerissa Bauer for healthychildren.org: ACEs- Adverse Childhood Experiences

NPR.org: Take the ACE Quiz- And Learn What It Does And Doesn't Mean

CDC.gov: Adverse Childhood Experiences

and follow Christine and her work at christinekoh.com

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Join us on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, TikTok @whatfreshhellcast

on Twitter @WFHpodcast

questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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How To Stop Having The Same Fight Jan 27, 2021

Show notes

Having the same fight doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. But it is totally annoying. In this episode we discuss the modes of negativity at play when we repeat the same conflicts- and what we can do to break the cycle, whether it’s our partners or kids.

Conflict may be unavoidable- but it can be at least a little more productive.

Here are links to some of the takes on this topic that we discuss in this episode:

We The Norths on YouTube: How We Avoid Stupid Fights: The Number System

Esther Perel for Cosmopolitan: How to Stop Having the Same Fight With Your Boyfriend All the Time

Kristine Fellizar for Bustle: 7 Hacks To Avoid Having The Same Fight Over & Over In Your Relationship

Charlotte Latvala for Good Housekeeping: More Fun, Less Fighting

Ted Lasso on Apple TV

Eckhart Tolle on Oprah Super Sunday: How To Identify And Stop Your Pain Body

* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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Ask Amy: When Your Kid is Super-Clingy Jan 25, 2021

Show notes

This week's parenting question comes from a listener in our Facebook group:

I have a clingy 9-year-old. I love her more than life itself, but I am having a hard time with feeling totally smothered. I go for a walk every morning for about 30 minutes (for sanity) and every morning she asks, "How long will you be gone? 30 minutes? Can I come? Pleeease?"

I stress the importance of alone time for me and that it makes me a better mama. She watches for me out the window. It's like having a puppy. Yes, it's anxiety related. I had anxiety as a kid and I recognize it, but we are together 24 hours a day and I feel like I'm starting to crack.

You're right to suspect that your super-clingy kid is motivated by anxiety. We can meet anxiety with empathy, but we need to beware accommodating it. Don't let those goalposts get moved: a half-hour walk is definitely good, both for your parental sanity and for your kid's realizing she can survive 30 minutes without you.

Amy offers a few suggestions that worked with her own clingy kid:

"catch her" being independent and offer praise, rather than provide negative attention for the clinginess
offer quality time doing her preferred activity when she doesn't complain about your alone time earlier in the day
create "special time" for this child and another adult during which No Mommies Are Allowed
get your child a pet (a big ask, for sure, but for kids who are physically clingy, something cuddly can be an effective Mom substitute)

There are more great suggestions in this Very Well Family article by therapist Amy Morin:

https://www.verywellfamily.com/ways-to-deal-with-a-clingy-child-3863401

Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next: questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com.

* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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Fresh Take: Dr. Edward Hallowell on the Newest Science and Essential Strategies for ADHD Jan 22, 2021

Show notes

This week we're delighted to be talking to Dr. Edward M. Hallowell– one of the world's leading experts on ADHD. Dr. Hallowell's new book, co-authored with Dr. John J. Ratey, is ADHD 2.0: New Science and Essential Strategies for Thriving with Distraction--From Childhood Through Adulthood.

Dr. Hallowell gives us concrete strategies– and tons of optimism– for those lucky enough to possess what Dr. Hallowell calls the "Variable Attention Stimulus Trait."

Whether you have a child with ADHD, suspect you might, or even have had some lingering thoughts about your own ability to focus– Dr. Hallowell's cutting-edge research and surprising new strategies will fascinate you.

Read the transcript of our entire interview with Dr. Hallowell on our website:

https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/2021/01/dredwardhallowell/

grab your copy of ADHD 2.0 from our Bookshop store:

https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780399178733

and connect with Dr. Hallowell:

https://drhallowell.com

* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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Okay, We Annoy Ourselves Also Jan 20, 2021

Show notes

This podcast is always here to support moms in their righteous anger at all the completely infuriating and totally trivial things that people all over the world are constantly doing to annoy us. Usually someone related to us. But this week, we're looking inward– because sometimes we totally annoy ourselves also. In this episode we come clean about the things we do that are so irksome that we even annoy OURSELVES. (And then keep doing them anyway.)

We also explore some of the confessions of self-annoyance from some of our listeners, like Alexa, who rarely refills the Brita pitcher and so then has to stand there getting old waiting for her next glass of water; or Rachel, who ruins her own life by only ever pulling out of parking spots in a single direction; or Karen, who loads the kids in the car and then goes back inside to do one more thing and who, for all we know, is still in there doing who knows what.

Who knows why we do these things? We see you. We feel your self-annoyance.

Special thanks to Heather, who wrote in to tell us that if you keep a small bottle of isopropyl alcohol in the car, and have anyone who feels carsick take a deep sniff, you can usually head the vomiting off at the pass. Really! https://www.nytimes.com/2018/03/13/well/live/a-cure-for-nausea-try-sniffing-alcohol.html

* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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Ask Margaret - How To Turn Off Screens Without Tears Jan 18, 2021

Show notes

Today's question comes from Crystal in our Facebook group (facebook.com/groups/whatfreshhellcast):

My six-year-old son is very difficult at the end of screen time. He gets one hour in the afternoon, but always fusses, grunts angrily, or melts down when time is up.

I feel like in a normal world, I'd just take screen time away when he gives me attitude. But these days, we are home all the time, and it’s the one thing he enjoys.

How do I help him develop the ability to regulate his emotions in this situation?

The biggest thing a parent can do to help a child regulate their emotions around transitions is to provide runways. Doing this will ensure that the transition of getting off screens isn't a sudden splash of cold water for your kid.

Try using a visual timer - so that kids who struggle with the hypothetical concept of "one hour" can easily see how much screen time they have left.

You can also verbally count down the hour by saying "45 minutes left", "30 minutes left," et cetera, but we think it's always better to let the timer be the bad guy.

Once it's time to turn screens off, allowing a brief grace period for your child to finish their current level or video helps give them some sense of control. Once that happens, transition immediately to another preferred activity. This does not have to be elaborate; it can be as simple as "let's have a glass of milk together in the kitchen."

If your child still melts down after you've implemented these strategies, then it's time for consequences– but make them immediate. Saying "if you fuss now, you'll have no screens later" provides a delayed consequence that doesn't work as well, especially for younger kids. Try addressing the behavior with an immediate consequence– a time out, or loss of access to the preferred activity that was coming up next.

Finally, apply all of these techniques consistently. Keep the time remaining clear, allow for grace periods, enforce immediate consequences when necessary, and this behavior should improve.

Send us your parenting questions- we might answer yours next!

questions@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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Fresh Take: Mirna Valerio Tells Us How To Find Our Fitness Jan 15, 2021

Show notes

Mirna Valerio is a runner, adventurer, speaker, and anti-racism educator.

In this Fresh Take interview, Mirna tells us how she fell off the fitness wagon after becoming a mom, how that first mile went once she made herself lace up her running shoes again, and her path to becoming an endurance athlete since then. Even if we’re not all cut out to run 100 kilometers in the desert– or even want to– Mirna tells us why fitness is worth it, and how to reacquaint ourselves with fitness, no matter how long we’ve been out of the game.

“I believe in having the long view. Look, I'm still a big girl. I’m going to be a big girl. But my long view, my overarching goal, is long-term health and wellness. What am I doing to put long-term health and wellness in the bank for later? What am I doing today to ensure that I have long-term health and wellness?”

We also discuss how we, as women, are entitled to name what we need– and how that well-timed help, especially when we ask for it, is the very thing that will allow us to get back up and keep running.

Acknowledge how you're feeling. Give yourself some grace. Start today.

Find Mirna on her website: https://themirnavator.com/

and at @themirnavator on Instagram and Twitter

Catch Mirna’s winter workout on @thev1ve: https://www.instagram.com/p/CKCGndXj-oS/

and join the Fatgirlrunning group on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Fatgirlrunning-939724599403584

Here are links to some of the other things we discuss in this episode:

Mirna Valerio for Self: Open Letter To Women Who Aren’t Putting Their Needs First

https://www.self.com/story/mirna-valerio-open-letter-to-women-who-arent-putting-their-needs-first

Kate Martin at Unheard LA: The Rescue

https://www.thekatemartin.com/storytelling

Caravaggio’s Conversion on the Way to Damascus

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conversion_on_the_Way_to_Damascus

* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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The Mom That Covid Has Made Me Jan 13, 2021

Show notes

We asked our listeners to tell us how life with Covid has affected their own parenting. Some of us have gotten more socially anxious; others, like the moms of kids with severe allergies, have found the isolation reassuring. Some of us have treasured the extra time with our children; others are nearing their breaking point. Some of us are stressing about the screen time; others are thrilled we’re not interrupting our kids to go to travel soccer for a change.

This topic was inspired by Kristen Howerton’s essay for The New York Times, “I Hate The Mom That Covid Has Made Me.” Kristen explains how she’s become THAT mom, the kind who spies on her own teenagers and yells at them for not wearing masks. She thought she hated that kind of parent– and now it’s her.

How has Covid changed your parenting? Will those changes be longer-term than this pandemic?

Here are links to some things we discuss in this episode:

Kristen Howerton for The New York Times: I Hate The Mom That Covid Has Made Me

https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/28/opinion/covid-parenting.html

Tomas Pueyo: The Hammer and the Dance

https://tomaspueyo.medium.com/coronavirus-the-hammer-and-the-dance-be9337092b56

Neil Kramer’s photograph series of life in quarantine:

https://petapixel.com/2021/01/09/a-photographers-hilarious-photos-of-being-stuck-in-quarantine-with-ex-wife-and-mother/

David Foster Wallace: This is Water

https://fs.blog/2012/04/david-foster-wallace-this-is-water/

as well as our episodes with Katherine May, author of Wintering: http://bit.ly/WFHwintering

and "What This Has Taught Us About Our Kids": http://bit.ly/WFHep162

* Leave us a rating or review in your favorite podcast app! * Join us on Facebook: https://facebook.com/whatfreshhellcast * Instagram: https://instagram.com/whatfreshhellcast * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/WhatFreshHellPodcast * Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/whatfreshhellcast * Twitter: https://twitter.com/WFHpodcast * questions and feedback: info@whatfreshhellpodcast.com

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