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What Fresh Hell: Parenting, Relationships, and Making Life Better, with Two Funny Moms

When you’re a parent, every day brings a “fresh hell” to deal with. In other words, there’s always something. Think of us as your funny mom friends who are here to remind you: you’re not alone, and it won’t always be this hard.
We’re Amy Wilson and Margaret Ables, both busy moms of three kids, but with completely different parenting styles. Margaret is a laid-back to the max; Amy never met a spreadsheet or an organizational system she didn’t like.
In each episode of “What Fresh Hell” we offer lots of laughs, but also practical advice, parenting strategies, and tips to empower you in your role as a mom. We explore self-help techniques, as well as ways to prioritize your own needs, combat stress, and despite the invisible workload we all deal with, find joy amidst the chaos of motherhood.
If you’ve ever wondered “why is my kid…” then one of us has probably been there, and we’re here to tell you what we’ve learned along the way.
We unpack the behaviors and developmental stages of toddlers, tweens, and teenagers, providing insights into their actions and equipping you with effective parenting strategies.
We offer our best parenting tips and skills we’ve learned. We debate the techniques and studies that are everywhere for parents these days, and get to the bottom of what works best to raise happy, healthy, fairly well-behaved kids, while fostering a positive parent-child relationship.
If you’re the default parent in your household, whether you’re a busy mom juggling multiple pickups and dropoffs, or a first-time parent seeking guidance, this podcast is your trusted resource. Join our community of supportive mom friends laughing in the face of motherhood!
whatfreshhellpodcast.com

Copyright: Copyright © 2016-2023 What Fresh Hell, LLC

Latest Episodes:

Fresh Take: Michele Borba on Kids Who Thrive Mar 26, 2021

Show notes

Dr. Michele Borba is a renowned educational psychologist and an expert in parenting, bullying, and character development. Her latest book is THRIVERS: The Surprising Reason Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine. This book offers practical, actionable ways to help kids develop the traits they need to thrive from preschool through high school, teaching them how to cope today so they can thrive tomorrow.

In this interview, Michele explains the "seven teachable traits" that allow kids to roll with the punches and succeed in life. Michele says the best parenting starts by meeting any kid exactly where they are, then giving them these tools to struggle less and shine more.

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When Can We Start Saying Yes? Mar 24, 2021

Show notes

Vaccines. Mandate-liftings. Scaled reopenings. All of these things are great and long wished for.

But we were kind of thinking there'd be a bell, or something. A hard deadline. A day when we'd all dance out into the ticker-taped streets and make out with strangers in Times Square.

Without a "you are now free to move about the cabin" announcement, how will we know when it's okay for grandparents to visit? To fly to that wedding? To toss our masks once and for all?

When is it okay to start saying yes?

Our listener Heather put it this way:

I think seeing a light at the end of the tunnel can be unsettling. We've been living in this weird way for a year now. And as much as it seems crazy, we've gotten used to it.

Psychologists call the stress this is making us feel the “third-quarter phenomenon.” For people forced to endure long stretches of isolation– astronauts, Arctic explorers, submarine sailors– the most difficult part, regardless of the length of the assignment, has been proven to be about 75% of the way through, precisely when the end of the assignment first comes into distant focus.

As things start to open up and some of us don't feel ready, or wonder if the world is ready, it's a new source of stress that we were saved from when we were all apart.

Past scientists and astronauts who suffered from the “third-quarter phenomenon" were advised to refocus on their mission- why they were doing what they were doing, and the great worth of seeing it through. Seems like great advice for the rest of us. Focusing on the mission might be what will get us through this last part of the tunnel.

Here are links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:

Tara Law for Time: We're in the Third Quarter of the Pandemic. Antarctic Researchers, Mars Simulation Scientists and Navy Submarine Officers Have Advice For How to Get Through It

Robert Bechtel and Amy Berning: The Third-Quarter Phenomenon: Do People Experience Discomfort After Stress Has Passed?

Nathan Smith: The third-quarter phenomenon: the psychology of time in space

"Beautiful City" from Godspell (1973)

"Brand New Day" from The Wiz (1978)

@neilochka on Instagram

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Ask Amy - The Return to In-Person School Isn't Going Great Mar 22, 2021

Show notes

What should parents do when the return to in-person school, after a year of being home with Mommy, is sort of a disaster?

This week's question comes from Carrie on Facebook:

My 3-year-old just started in-person preschool after being home with us during the pandemic. I figured it would be an adjustment, but it's been brutal. As soon as you so much as mention "school," she starts crying - actual, big tears. She’s been waking up too early and hardly eating. She's never been good with change, and thanks to Covid, she's lived in this tiny bubble up until now. (Her teacher is lovely, by the way.)

Will this pass? PS: I'm 31 weeks pregnant with baby number two, so there's also that.

This is a lot of change for a little one all at once. Amy offers several different approaches for making this better, including

books like SORRY, GROWN-UPS, YOU CAN’T GO TO SCHOOL! by Christina Geist
using a three-year-old's love of defying expectations and of knowing more than grownups to your advantage
working with the teacher
scaffolding the transition

By leading with compassion for your daughter's struggle, you'll both make it through. This is a season, and it’s definitely made more complicated by the last year. Have patience with her and with yourself. The dress-up corner is kind of a wonderful place, and we hope that pretty soon your daughter will be pulling on your hand to get inside the classroom faster.

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Fresh Take: Joe "Mr. D" Dombrowski on the Fresh Hells of Teaching During a Pandemic Mar 19, 2021

Show notes

Joe "Mr. D" Dombrowski is a professional comedian. He also teaches kindergarten.

In other words: he knows how to work a tough crowd.

You probably know Joe from his viral YouTube videos, his many appearances on Ellen, or his Social Studies podcast.

In this hilarious and insightful interview, Joe tells us how this crazy school year has gone from a teacher's point of view, what skills our kids might need to relearn as they reenter a classroom, and why kindergarteners are the very best.

Follow Joe on all the socials at @mrdtimesthree, and sign up to find out about all his upcoming tour dates at mrdtimesthree.com.

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Mom Rock-Bottoms Mar 17, 2021

Show notes

What’s your mom rock-bottom? The moment when you thought I’m just going to head for the border and start a new life?

We asked you all for the worst mom moments you were actually willing to share in open court. About 45% of your stories involved vomit and poop, which makes sense, since about 45% of motherhood overall includes those same two factors.

But rest assured, the variety in our rock-bottoms is vast, and our listeners came through with many series of unfortunate events that, in our eyes, are all winners. At being the very worst mom life has to offer.

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Ask Margaret - How Do I Get My Kids to Play Together? Mar 15, 2021

Show notes

When we have multiple kids we dream of them romping together all day in the yard as joyful playmates! The reality is often a little more complicated.

Ashley asked: How do you encourage older siblings to play with younger ones? Covid has made this even more challenging, since we're all around each other a lot. My kids are four years apart: boy age 9, girl age 5.

We need to manage our expectations that siblings will be best friends. It is understandable that our kids are tired of each other's company, especially during the pandemic. But there are ways that we can encourage our kids to play together, and the best way is to model play for them. When we get in there and play with our kids, we set up an expectation that play is part of what we do together as a family. Whether it's simple card games that both older and younger siblings can play together, or showing them how to play H-O-R-S-E at the basketball hoop, we can help our kids improve their ability to play together.

Once you've introduced group play to your kids, you need to create expectations around it. Set aside times of day as "playtime," during which your kids are expected to play together. Those expectations need to be consistent to overcome any protestations of "We're bored! We don't know what to do!" If it's really not working, spend the first 20 minutes playing with them. Then step out of the play with the expectation that they will continue for a set amount of time.

We think of "play" as something that kids do naturally. In fact, playing together is something that needs to be modeled and encouraged in order for it to happen. Don't be afraid to have firm expectations around play, and spend some time modeling play for your kids, so that they come to value playing together as an important part of their day.

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Fresh Take: Janice Johnson Dias on Raising Joyful, Change-Making Kids Mar 12, 2021

Show notes

Janice Johnson Diasis a professor of sociology at John Jay College. She is co-founder and president of the public health and social action organization GrassROOTS Community Foundation and its SuperCamp for girls. Her collaborative work on black girls’ mental, sexual, and physical health issues earned her a special Congressional recognition. Born in Jamaica, Janice moved to the United States at age twelve and now lives in New Jersey with her husband, daughter, and dog.

Janice's new book is PARENT LIKE IT MATTERS: HOW TO RAISE JOYFUL, CHANGE-MAKING GIRLS.

In this conversation, Janice explains how we can embolden both our daughters and our sons to find their passions– but only by finding our own passions first. Janice argues that change-making is the path to true joy.

You can find PARENT LIKE IT MATTERS here in our Bookshop store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781984819628

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Letting Kids Make Mistakes Mar 10, 2021

Show notes

There are benefits to our kids making mistakes, even when it’s hard. Maybe especially when it’s hard. Some kids have tons of flexibility and safety around trying new things, around failing. Others not so much.

In this episode we discuss:

how the brain lights up when a mistake is made, paying extra attention
why being very wrong about a fact once ensures you will always remember it thereafter
the difference between a fixed mindset and a growth mindset– and how mistakes encourage the latter
Carol Dweck and what she calls the power of "not yet"
how we can make our homes "mistake-friendly environments"

Here are links to writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode:

Claudia Wallis for Mind/Shift: Why Mistakes Matter in Creating A Path For Learning

Dr. Janet Metcalfe, Columbia University: “Learning from Errors,”

Carol S. Dweck for TED: "The Power of Yet"

Carol S. Dweck: Mindset

Jo Boaler for youcubed.org: Mistakes Grow Your Brain

Melissa Taylor for Brightly: What Is a ‘Just Right’ Book? Reading Levels Explained

Dr. Jason Moser for Frontiers In Human Neuroscience: On the relationship between anxiety and error monitoring: a meta-analysis and conceptual framework

Sesame Street: Mary Had a Little Lamb

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Ask Amy- When Your Kids' Creative Projects Are Also Huge Messes Mar 08, 2021

Show notes

How can I encourage my kids’ creativity and self-directed play while also setting limits on the messes they make?

Erin emailed us to say:

My kids are 3, 5, and 7 and during the pandemic they’ve really played together well and have learned to entertain themselves. BUT they are driving me crazy with all of their “great ideas” and huge projects. I’m talking about packing for an imaginary camping trip with all of their real clothes that I will have to sort and fold later. Putting on swimsuits on the first warm day of fake spring and filling the kiddie pool with water and ending up covered in mud in 60 degree weather.

You get the idea. I love their creativity and ambition but I can’t manage and clean up these huge messes every single day. How can I put boundaries around it so it’s not such a disaster afterwards?

Anyone who's ever renovated a kitchen or made a short film has heard of the "Golden Triangle" of project management. On the triangle's corners are three goals: Good. Fast. Cheap. You can pick any 2. You can't have all 3.

When it comes to kids having fun, the three points on that triangle are Child-Led. Exciting. Neat. Once again, going for all three is not usually a reasonable goal. If the kids' messes are really getting to you–no shame in that, by the way– a little more parental oversight might be required in the planning stages. If you really need an hour to yourself, and they're playing happily, there might be an entirely emptied bookshelf waiting for you on the other side.

Even then, there's a difference between a messy playroom and muddy footprints in the kitchen. The latter require immediate and focused effort; the former, if you can stand waiting it out, can be something the kids are in charge of cleaning up, before their next desired activity.

It's okay to put parameters around your kids' big plans that work for you. When it comes to cleanup, why not let these big thinkers and team-planners come up with a group solution? Then be sure to "catch them being good" and heap on the praise when they are actually helpful in getting things back to one.

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Fresh Take: Michelle Icard on the 14 Talks Parents Need To Have With Their Kids Before They Turn 14 Mar 05, 2021

Show notes

This week we're talking to Michelle Icard, middle-schooler whisperer and author of the new book FOURTEEN TALKS BY AGE FOURTEEN: The Essential Conversations You Need to Have with Your Kids Before They Start High School.

Michelle says that tweens have begun "the necessary and difficult work of pulling away," but they're still at an age where what their parents say can have enormous impact. Michelle's work helps parents position themselves so that our kids trust what we have to say, and that we won't freak out when they come to ask us questions or seek guidance.

In this episode you'll learn what to say and how to say it when it comes to all the conversations you need to be having with your kids. The conversations in Michelle's book go well beyond the ones we all know and dread (sex, alcohol, drugs, consent) to equally crucial topics you might not have considered (friendships, creativity). You'll find tons of resources and confidence in this book and in this episode.

Find FOURTEEN TALKS BY AGE FOURTEEN in our bookshop.org store: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593137512

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