Upbringing

Latest Episodes:

FREE TO SPEAK // Support respectful communication, authenticity and emotional intelligence through parenting and discipline Apr 06, 2020

Show notes

Today we’re back as we explore our kids’ FREEDOM TO SPEAK! Does your kid struggle to speak respectfully? To lean into ‘manners’? To respond when questioned? Hang on as we radically grant our kids the right to speak (gasp) in whatever way comes out naturally. So what’s OUR job during this verbal shitstorm? We explore ways to align our values with our day-to-day interactions. To model our asses off. To interact sensitively to avoid power struggles. To give agency, scaffold skills, and trust in the long game. We swear it's easier than censoring or prompting.

Each of these difficult interactions can be a chance for us BOTH to build skills, stay connected, and grow as people and family. Join us to explore our expectations and beliefs around wordplay as we unpack three strategies to sensitively support this critical freedom in our kids. We laugh, we cry, we lean in!

Mental Mantras we explore:

- “This isn’t about me”
- “They have every right to disagree”
- “They are suffering inside”
- “Words are symptoms of a need”
- “They will express better with time”
- “Focus on the feelings, not the words”
- “I can be their safe place”

Relevant Links + resources that informed this episode:

- Upbringing’s Freedoms Model
- Upbringing’s RESIST Approach
- Upbringing's Free To Struggle episode
- Upbringing’s Free To Feel episode
- Upbringing’s The Power of Circling Back episode / video
- Upbringing’s We Know Our Influence episode
- Originals, by Adam Grant
- Bridgewater- Ray Dalio
- Raising Human Beings, by Ross W. Greene
- Lives in the Balance, Ross W. Greene
- “Name it to tame it” - The Whole-Brain Child by Dan Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
- Intrinsic vs Extrinsic Motivation
- Audre Lorde
- “Patriarchy”, according to The Guardian
- The Montessori Toddler by Simone Davies
- Simplicity Parenting, by Kim John Payne
- Respectful parenting for babies & toddlers the RIE way
- Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break The Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage With Life by Stuart Shanker
- The Good News About Bad Behavior by Katherine Reynolds-Lewis
- Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B Rosenburg
- Amber Okamura, Upbringing’s Artist
- Mary Schroeder, Upbringing’s Letterer
- Alex Olavarria, our producer, conductor, editor + husband/brother in law

Today’s episode is supported by A Kid’s Book About- a collection of beautifully designed books that kickstart challenging and empowering conversations between kids and their grownups.

Visit our website, www.upbringing.co to learn more about us and sign up for our newsletter! We want to hear your thoughts. We care deeply about what you think and how you’re doin’, so get in touch -- we’re better together.

Email us: info@upbringing.co
Follow Upbringing on:
Instagram: @up_bringing
Facebook: @jointheupbringing

Join us to explore topics such as: parenting, motherhood, discipline, resistance, RIE parenting, feminist parenting, toddlers, tantrums, potty training, mindful parenting, conscious parenting, evidence-based parenting, positive parenting, respectful parenting, simplicity parenting and positive discipline.

RESIST Q&A // Sibling conflict // support self awareness, self-regulation + non-violent communication through parenting + discipline Mar 30, 2020

Show notes

Referee. Hall monitor. Manner police. Supporting our kids through their challenges together can feel like we’re wearing a bunch of crazy-ass hats, and their constant antics push us to yell, threaten, judge and issue consequences. Join us this week to explore a few common moments of sibling conflict that drive us all bonkers -- a toddler hitting the new baby, a 4 yr old fighting with their smaller sib and 8 yr old twins verbally abusing one another!

We’ll discuss ways we’re leaning in to sensitively support the sibling relationship towards higher emotional intelligence, elevated conflict resolution skills and a solid long-term friendship. The hard stuff is the good stuff. We laugh, we cry, we lean in… join us!

Relevant Links + resources that informed this episode:

- Upbringing’s Freedoms Model
- Upbringing’s RESIST Approach
- Upbringing’s FREE TO FEEL podcast episode
- Upbringing’s FREE TO FEEL Q&A episode
- Siblings Without Rivalry, by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish
- Self-regulation / Co-regulation
- It’s OK Not To Share, by Heather Shumaker
- How Toddlers Thrive, by Tovah P. Klein
- Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne
- Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
- Raising Humans by Ross Greene
- De-Escalate by Douglas E. Noll
- Now Say This by Julie Wright and Heather Sturgeon
- The Whole-Brain Child- Dan Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
- The Good News About Bad Behavior by Katherine Reynolds-Lewis
- Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B Rosenburg
- Amber Okamura, Upbringing’s Artist
- Mary Schroeder, Upbringing’s Letterer
- Alex Olavarria, our producer, conductor, editor + husband/brother in law

Today’s episode is supported by A Kid’s Book About- a collection of beautifully designed books that kickstart challenging and empowering conversations between kids and their grownups.

Email us: info@upbringing.co
Follow Upbringing on:
Instagram: @up_bringing
Facebook: @jointheupbringing

FREE TO CONTRIBUTE // Support personal responsibility, collaboration + self-motivation in the home Mar 23, 2020

Show notes

Today we’re back as we explore our kids’ FREEDOM TO CONTRIBUTE! Does your kid struggle to clean up after themself? To pitch in to the household? How can we avoid either 1. Letting it ALL GO or 2. Getting in there so hard it makes contributing to the family FEEL TERRIBLE? Join us to explore the middle way -- The ways we are endeavoring to build skills, positive associations and connection for us ALL.

We want our kids to WANT to be a part of the machine that moves the home. We talk about way to align our values with our day-to-day interactions. To model our asses off. To interact sensitively to avoid power struggles. To give agency, scaffold skills, and trust in the long game. Each of these moments is a chance for us BOTH to build skills, stay connected, and grow as people and family. We laugh, we cry, we lean in. Join us!

Mental Mantras we explore:

- “We’re playing the long game”
- “Model model model model model”
- “Positive vibes will build willingness”
- “Inspire values instead of forcing habits”
- “Participation over perfection”
- “Gotta keep this collaborative”

Relevant Links + resources that informed this episode:

- Upbringing’s Freedoms Model
- Upbringing’s RESIST Approach
- Upbringing's Empowerment Episode: We Meet Kids Where They Are
- Upbringing's convo with Darcy Lockman, author of All The Rage
- The Montessori Toddler by Simone Davies
- Simplicity Parenting, by Kim John Payne
- Respectful parenting for babies & toddlers the RIE way
- Unconditional Parenting, by Alfie Kohn
- Burnout by Emily & Amelia Nagoski
- All The Rage, by Darcy Lockman
- The Farm School in Athol, MA
- MINDFULNESS
- The Whole-Brain Child- Dan Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson
- Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break The Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage With Life by Stuart
Shanker
- The Good News About Bad Behavior by Katherine Reynolds-Lewis
- Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B Rosenburg
- Amber Okamura, Upbringing’s Artist
- Mary Schroeder, Upbringing’s Letterer
- Alex Olavarria, our producer, conductor, editor + husband/brother in law

Today’s episode is supported by A Kid’s Book About- a collection of beautifully designed books that kickstart challenging and empowering conversations between kids and their grownups.

Email us: info@upbringing.co
Follow Upbringing on:
Instagram: @up_bringing
Facebook: @jointheupbringing

RESIST Q&A // Tantrums in the freedom to feel Mar 16, 2020

Show notes

Today we explore our kids’ FREEDOM TO FEEL! This is the Q&A wrap-up to our weekly episode where we dive deep into our kids’ (and our!) struggles with big feelings. We explore how tantrums are a gift-- an opportunity to nurture our nervous systems, build emotional intelligence skills and maintain our connection through it all.

The big question is HOW can we sensitively support our kids’ big feelings when we ourselves can hardly keep it together? Dig in with us for a deeper understanding of why meltdowns happen, what we can do to support ourselves as well as our kids, and why it’s so critical that we attempt this. We’ll be exploring ways we can align our day-today struggles during kids' big feelings with our true goals for their future and ideals for our best selves, too. We laugh, we cry, we lean in. Join us!

Mental Mantras we explore:

- Feelings are information
- Gotta self-reg to co-reg, baby
- There's a need beneath the feeling
- It’s not an emergency
- Gotta find my happy place
- I need to make this better, not worse
- They just need my support
- This will pass

Relevant Links + resources that informed this episode:

- Upbringing’s Freedoms Model

- Upbringing’s RESIST Approach

- Interbrain- Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break The Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage With Life by Stuart Shanker

- Self-regulation / Co-regulation

- Burnout by Emily & Amelia Nagoski

- The Body Keeps The Score by by Bessel van der Kolk

- Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne

- Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman

- Raising Humans by Ross Greene

- De-Escalate by Douglas E. Noll

- Now Say This by Julie Wright and Heather Sturgeon

- Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld

- The Whole-Brain Child- Dan Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson

- The Good News About Bad Behavior by Katherine Reynolds-Lewis

- Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B Rosenburg

- Amber Okamura, Upbringing’s Artist

- Mary Schroeder, Upbringing’s Letterer

- Alex Olavarria, our producer, conductor, editor + husband/brother in law

Today’s episode is supported by A Kid’s Book About- a collection of beautifully designed books that kickstart challenging and empowering conversations between kids and their grownups.

Email us: info@upbringing.co
Follow Upbringing on:
Instagram: @up_bringing
Facebook: @jointheupbringing

FREE TO FEEL // Support emotional intelligence through self-regulation & emotion coaching Mar 16, 2020

Show notes

Today we’re back as we explore our kids’ FREEDOM TO FEEL! Does your kid struggle with big feelings? Do YOU struggle with their big feelings, not to mention your own? This week we explore how BIG FEELINGS are a gift-- an opportunity to nurture our nervous systems, build emotional intelligence and maintain our connection through it all.

How can we sensitively support our kids’ big feelings when we ourselves can hardly keep it together? Dig in with us for a deeper understanding of why meltdowns happen, what we can do to support ourselves as well as our kids, and why it’s so critical that we attempt this.

This episode is about WHY and HOW we can be responding to our kids big feelings instead of reacting to them. It’s about taking a HUGE shitty long list of work off our plate and swapping it for two things: bravery and effort. We’ll be exploring ways we can align our day-today struggles during kids big feelings with our true goals for their future and ideals for our best selves, too. We’ll look at how big feelings are a chance for us BOTH to build skills, stay connected, and grow as people and family. And as we confront our conditioning, set goals to break harmful cycles and HEAL we will be, in moments of big feelings, putting our energy where it should be - in loving ourselves and our kids. We laugh, we cry, we lean in. Join us!

Mental Mantras we explore:

- Feelings are information
- Gotta self-reg to co-reg, baby

- There's a need beneath the feeling

- It’s not an emergency

- Gotta find my happy place

- I need to make this better, not worse

- They just need my support

- This will pass

Relevant Links + resources that informed this episode:

- Upbringing’s Freedoms Model
- Upbringing’s RESIST Approach

- Upbringing's Empowerment Episode: We Welcome All Emotions

- Introvert Definition

- Eckart Tolle / The Power of Now

- Byron Katie / Past, Present & Future

- Self-regulation / Co-regulation

- Grounding strategies

- The Mindy Project

- 30 Rock

- Spirited kids

- Sensitive kids

- Brene Brown / vulnerability, shame, belonging

- Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman

- Raising Humans by Ross Greene

- De-Escalate by Douglas E. Noll

- Burnout by Emily & Amelia Nagoski

- Now Say This by Julie Wright and Heather Sturgeon

- Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld

- The Whole-Brain Child- Dan Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson

- Self-Reg: How to Help Your Child (and You) Break The Stress Cycle and Successfully Engage

With Life by Stuart Shanker
- The Good News About Bad Behavior by Katherine Reynolds-Lewis

- Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life by Marshall B Rosenburg

- Amber Okamura, Upbringing’s Artist

- Mary Schroeder, Upbringing’s Letterer

- Alex Olavarria, our producer, conductor, editor + husband/brother in law

Today’s episode is supported by A Kid’s Book About- a collection of beautifully designed books that kickstart challenging and empowering conversations between kids and their grownups.

Email us: info@upbringing.co
Follow Upbringing on:
Instagram: @up_bringing
Facebook: @jointheupbringing

RESIST Q&A // Risky play + bored kids resisting solo time in the freedom to play Mar 09, 2020

Show notes

Today we explore our kids’ FREEDOM TO PLAY! This is the Q&A wrap-up to our weekly episode where we deep dive into our kids struggles with independent play. This week, we explore why PLAY is being proven to be a gift -- an opportunity for development of self-esteem, socialization, autonomy, creativity and confidence for our kids.

How can we balance our responsibility to keep our kids happy and connected to us while ALSO nurturing independent play skills? Dig in with us for a deeper understanding of how kids learn best and why what interests them as a unique individuals matters when it comes to developing their brains and hearts! Freedom to play trusts that kids can and should take the lead in these realms of growth and exploration through play with our supportive presence.

We talk about WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE, with two siblings exploring risky playground time and a kid who is struggling to play independently at home. We also touch on flipping some unhelpful / culturally conditioned beliefs and explore all the ways we’re endeavoring to parent beyond instinct and conventional wisdom -- with awareness, authenticity and alignment. We laugh, we cry, we lean in. Join us!

Mental Mantras we explore:

- Observe more, do less
- I get to be an audience member!
- Their play, their rules
- Play is learning
- Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary?
- They don’t need a third wheel in their play

Relevant Links + resources that informed this episode:

- Upbringing’s Freedoms Model
- Upbringing’s RESIST Approach
- Upbringing’s 12 Empowerments
- Simplicity Parenting, by Kim John Payne
- Play, by Stuart Brown
- Free To Learn, by Peter Gray
- It’s Ok Not To Share, by Heather Shumaker
- Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert
- Burnout by Emily and Amelia Nagoski
- My Buddy and Me Commercial
- Teacher Tom
- Magda Gerber, RIE Parenting founder
- Your Self-Confident Baby, by Magda Gerber
- "Wants Nothing Quality Time"
- Janet Lansbury, RIE Parenting Queen
- RIE Parenting Basics + RIE.org
- Gillian Lynne, dancer & choreographer
- “Open-ended play”
- “Free play”
- The Montessori Toddler by Simone Davies
- Star Wars trash compactor - not our ideal play area!
- Baby Knows Best, by Deborah Carlisle Soloman
- Unconditional Parenting, by Alfie Kohn
- The Power of Play, by David Elkind
- Nurture Shock, by Po Bronson + Ashley Merryman
- The Importance of Being Little, by Erika Christakis
- The Self Driven Child, by William Stixrud & Ned Johnson
- Growth Mindset by Carol Dweck
- John Dewey - “Learn By Doing”
- Attachment Parenting Theory
- Montessori Method of education
- Upstream, by Mary Oliver
- Amber Okamura, Upbringing’s Artist
- Mary Schroeder, Upbringing’s Letterer
- Alex Olavarria, our producer, conductor, editor + husband/brother in law

Today’s episode is supported by A Kid’s Book About- a collection of beautifully designed books that kickstart challenging and empowering conversations between kids and their grownups.

Email us: info@upbringing.co
Follow Upbringing on:
Instagram: @up_bringing
Facebook: @jointheupbringing

FREE TO PLAY // Support independent play, confidence and creativity through parenting + discipline Mar 09, 2020

Show notes

Today we’re back as we explore our kids’ FREEDOM TO PLAY! Does your child struggle with independent play? Do YOU struggle with the sometimes crazy, messy and worrisome aspects of their playtime? This week, we explore why PLAY is being proven to be a gift -- an opportunity for development of self-esteem, socialization, autonomy, creativity and confidence for our kids.

We talk about WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE, flip some unhelpful / culturally conditioned beliefs and explore all the ways we’re endeavoring to parent beyond instinct and conventional wisdom -- with awareness, authenticity and alignment. We laugh, we cry, we lean in. Join us!

Mental Mantras we explore:

- Observe more, do less
- I get to be an audience member!
- Their play, their rules
- Play is learning
- Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary?
- They don’t need a third wheel in their play

Relevant Links + resources that informed this episode:

Today’s episode is supported by A Kid’s Book About- a collection of beautifully designed books that kickstart challenging and empowering conversations between kids and their grownups.

Email us: info@upbringing.co
Follow Upbringing on:
Instagram: @up_bringing
Facebook: @jointheupbringing

RESIST Q&A // Picky eating + bedtime resistance in the freedom to nourish Mar 02, 2020

Show notes

Today we’re back as we explore our kids’ FREEDOM TO NOURISH. This is the Q&A wrap-up to our weekly episode where we deep dive into struggles with bedtime, mealtime, hygiene, diapers and beyond -- challenges that can lead us to over-control and undermine our kids’ sacred somatic intuition (a connection to their own bodies). How can we balance our responsibility to keep them clean, fed, rested and happy while ALSO finding ways that they can become better aware of and connected to the processes themselves? It’s the middle way.

Freedom to nourish trusts that kids can and should take the lead in these realms of nourishing self-care rituals with our supportive presence. We talk about WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE with a kid refusing to eat vegetables and a kid who continues to come out of their room at bedtime... We also explore the myriad ways we’re endeavoring to parent beyond instinct and conventional wisdom -- with awareness, authenticity and alignment. We laugh, we cry, we lean in. Join us!

Mental Mantras we explore:

- They know their body best
- I can model healthy habits
- Their body, their choice
- Attunement is the goal

- Lead with curiosity
- Nurturing values takes time

Relevant Links:

- Upbringing’s Freedoms Model
- Upbringing’s RESIST Approach
- Upbringing’s 12 Empowerments
- The Onion Article About Stupid Babies
- Simon Sinek’s TED talk about leading by inspiring
- Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van Der Kolk
- The Happy Sleeper by Heather Turgeon and Julie Wright
- Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole
- It’s Not About the Broccoli by Dina Rose
- Child of Mine- Feeding With Love and Good Sense - Ellyn Satter
- Burnout - Emily and Amelia Nagoski
- Amber Okamura, Upbringing’s Artist
- Mary Schroeder, Upbringing’s Letterer
- Alex Olavarria, our producer, conductor, editor and husband/brother in law

Today’s episode is supported by A Kid’s Book About- a collection of beautifully designed books that kickstart challenging and empowering conversations between kids and their grownups.

Email us: info@upbringing.co
Follow Upbringing on:
Instagram: @up_bringing
Facebook: @jointheupbringing

FREE TO NOURISH // Support body attunement + healthy value-building through discipline + parenting Mar 02, 2020

Show notes

Today we’re back as we explore our kids’ FREEDOM TO NOURISH. Struggles with bedtime, mealtime, hygiene, diapers and beyond can lead us to over-control and undermine our kids’ sacred somatic intuition -- a connection to their own bodies. How can we balance our responsibility to keep them clean, fed, rested and happy while ALSO finding ways that they can become better aware of and connected to the processes themselves?

Freedom to nourish trusts that kids can and should take the lead in these realms of nourishing self-care rituals with our supportive presence. We talk about WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE, flip some unhelpful / culturally conditioned beliefs and explore all the ways we’re endeavoring to parent beyond instinct and conventional wisdom -- with awareness, authenticity and alignment. We laugh, we cry, we lean in. Join us!

Mental Mantras we explore:

- They know their body best
- I can model healthy habits
- Their body, their choice
- Attunement is the goal
- Lead with curiosity
- Nurturing values takes time

Relevant Links:

Today’s episode is supported by A Kid’s Book About- a collection of beautifully designed books that kickstart challenging and empowering conversations between kids and their grownups.

Email us: info@upbringing.co
Follow Upbringing on:
Instagram: @up_bringing
Facebook: @jointheupbringing

FREE TO STRUGGLE // support grit, perseverance + confidence-building through parenting + discipline Feb 24, 2020

Show notes

Today we’re back with a new season of the Upbringing podcast! Join us this week on the as we explore our kids’ FREEDOM TO STRUGGLE. They do it a lot. It can feel like shit. But it doesn’t have to! Join us as we learn from the best and the brightest organizational psychologists, authors, researchers and brainiacs about things like grit, perseverance, confidence, and curiosity -- and why the WAY we approach our kids as they flip out, cry, worry, whine, misbehave (ie. STRUGGLE) matters a whole heck of a lot. We’ll share our personal tales of hilarious parenting hardship from the week, flip some common beliefs on struggle and explore all the ways we’re endeavoring to parent beyond instinct and conventional wisdom -- with awareness, authenticity and alignment. We laugh, we cry, we lean in. Join us!

Mental Mantras we explore:

- They need help
- This isn’t forever
- This isn’t about me
- This doesn’t mean anything about them as a person
- Growth mindset over fixed mindset
- The only way to learn is to struggle
- Shut up and listen

Relevant Links:

- Upbringing’s Freedoms Model
- Upbringing’s RESIST Approach
- Upbringing’s 12 Empowerments
- Brené Brown
- Originals, by Adam Grant
- The Obstacle is the Way, by Ryan Holiday
- Mindset for Parents, by Ricci & Lee
- Wendy Mogul, author, psychologist & public speaker
- Growth Mindset by Carol Dweck
- How to Raise an Adult, by Julie Lythcott-Haims
- Grit, by Angela Duckworth
- Raising Human Beings, by Ross W. Greene
- Resilient, by Rick Hansen
- Sir Ken Robinson’s TED talks
- The Gift of Failure, by Jessica Lahey
- Amber Okamura, Upbringing’s Artist
- Mary Schroeder, Upbringing’s Letterer
- Alex Olavarria, our producer, conductor, editor and husband/brother in law

Today’s episode is supported by A Kid’s Book About- a collection of beautifully designed books that kickstart challenging and empowering conversations between kids and their grownups.

Email us: info@upbringing.co
Follow Upbringing on:
Instagram: @up_bringing
Facebook: @jointheupbringing