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Congressional Democrats Threaten To All Wear Same Color If Trump Loses Election And Refuses To Leave Office Aug 17, 2020

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What if Trump loses but refuses to accept the election results? That’s the question on the minds of Democrats today, who say they’d be willing to go so far as coordinating a day where they all wear the same pin in order to hold the president accountable.

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New Evidence Calls Into Question William Shakespeare’s Authorship Of ‘The Usual Suspects’ Aug 14, 2020

Show notes

It’s long been considered a cornerstone of Shakespeare’s work, but mounting historical evidence says he may not have actually been responsible for the 1995 neo-noir mystery film.

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As If Things Weren’t Bad Enough, Snakes Still Slithering Around Out There Aug 13, 2020

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Covid-19. Police brutality. The 2020 presidential election. And on top of all that, snakes. Hear why sometimes it feels like Americans just can’t catch a break.

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TikTok Apologizes After Inadvertently Giving Platform To Thousands Of Theater Kids Aug 12, 2020

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The popular social media app is in hot water after some dangerously sincere videos. Hear how the company is backtracking today after having their platform flooded with millions of videos featuring insufferable high school drama club students.

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Trump, Biden Campaigns Unveil Bold New Mouth Sounds Aug 11, 2020

Show notes

We have the latest on the coughs, hisses, hard swallows, lip smacks, and phlegmy throat clearings at the forefront of each campaign.

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Severely Injured Woman Heroically Fights Off Paramedics Trying To Force Her Into Medical Debt Aug 10, 2020

Show notes

Hear how this woman was able to fend off her would-be assailants, and what you should watch out for if you hear sirens headed your way.

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NASA Announces Plans To Launch Chimpanzee Into Sun Aug 07, 2020

Show notes

The scientific community is calling the monumental mission a crucial step forward toward better understanding how species react to being deposited into the sun’s 27 million-degree plasma core.

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Defensive Chicago Police Officer Perfectly Capable Of Disappearing Protestors Without Help From Homeland Security Aug 06, 2020

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OPR has the latest in this ongoing “turf war” between the Chicago Police Department and Homeland Security. Can the two sides find a way to brutalize citizens together?

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Financial Experts Recommend Americans Set Aside Giant Mesmerizing Pearl To Rub Obsessively In Retirement Aug 05, 2020

Show notes

Hear more about the benefits of investing in an awe-inspiring pearl to tenderly caress while whispering, “Yes, my sweet,” to it every night.

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Nation Informs Body-Positive Advertisers It Ready To Go Back To Staring At Unattainably Attractive People Aug 04, 2020

Show notes

The American people held a press conference today to announce that, while they appreciate the strides brands have made toward inclusivity over the years, they kind of got it already, okay?

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