The Topical

Latest Episodes:

Return To School ‘Whatever,’ Report Nation’s Angsty Teens Aug 31, 2020

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Plus, OPR takes a look at the conspiracy theory surrounding NASA’s storied Apollo program. Is it possible that Neil Armstrong’s moon orgasm was faked?

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Meteorologists Warn Hurricane Laura Intensifying Into Full-Scale Reckoning For Our Eternal Sins Aug 28, 2020

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OPR Weather Correspondent Kenneth Neeley is live from the Gulf Coast, explaining how Hurricane Laura’s path of destruction serves as God’s punishment for all his wicked acts.

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Cinephile Refugees Arrive On Rafts In Canada For ‘Tenet’ Premiere Aug 27, 2020

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Hear how a worsening humanitarian crisis is forcing film enthusiasts to risk everything, all just for the chance to see an early screening of Christopher Nolan’s latest blockbuster.

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Los Angeles Deploys Buzzkill Task Force To Break Up Parties Aug 26, 2020

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Hear how an increasing number of Covid-19 cases has prompted L.A. mayor Eric Garcetti to respond with a city-wide “Designated Downer” program, designed to totally kill the vibe at parties with more than 10 people.

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ExxonMobil To Simplify Oil Extraction By Cutting Earth In Half Aug 25, 2020

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Hear why ExxonMobil believes their new initiative will have minimal environmental impacts and provide Americans with clean, affordable fuel.

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Bee, Man Allergic To Bees Found Dead In Apparent Murder-Suicide Aug 24, 2020

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A random act of violence or something more sinister? Hear what police are saying about this anaphylactic tragedy.

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New Identification App Lets Hikers Categorize All Corpses They Encounter On Nature Trail Aug 21, 2020

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From outdoor enthusiasts to casual walkers, hear why CorpseMatch is a must-have for all nature explorers who regularly stumble across the rotting carcasses of the misfortunate.

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Tulsi Gabbard Named Democratic Nominee After Discovery Of Obscure Rule That Grants Nomination To Whoever Wins 0.7% Of The Vote In Missouri Aug 20, 2020

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We have the latest on this massive shakeup at the DNC. Hear how Hawaii Rep. Tulsi Gabbard was able to claim the nomination despite dropping out of the race nearly six months ago.

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Study Finds Gap Widening Between Rich Pets And Poor Americans Aug 19, 2020

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Hear why income inequality between the charmingly named pets of rich people and impoverished Americans is growing larger than ever before.

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Proposed Legislation Offers Citizenship To Immigrants Who Can Play Piano So Good It Makes Everyone Cry Aug 18, 2020

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We have the latest on the new bill that would allow any citizen of a foreign nation to immigrate to the U.S. as long as their piano-playing is superb enough to make Citizen and Immigration officials openly weep.

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