Stay ConnectedTIRED OF THE LIES AND THE SPIN perpetuated in the culture about men and women, sex and love, marriage and motherhood? If so, get ready to hear hard-hitting truths that will make you cry out “Yes! Finally someone tells it like it is!”
In her signature no-nonsense style, author and relationship coach Suzanne Venker offers support, motivation, and countercultural guidance on how to prioritize love and family and build strong relationships at home.
Copyright: © suzanne venker
At the end of the day, people live one of two lives: an examined life or an unexamined life.
An unexamined life is when you move through the years mindlessly, not really thinking about what you’re doing or why you’re doing it, or even if you like doing it. You’re just doing it, whatever “it” is, because that’s what other people are doing—because that’s what you think you’re supposed to do. Or because, quite frankly, it’s easier. Living an unexamined life means living a life someone else designed for you.
The examined life is different. The examined life is when you tune out the voices, sounds, and visuals in your midst and make important decisions based on what you want and on what you believe is right. More than anything, it means dismissing cultural trends that conflict with your core beliefs.
IN THIS EPISODE:
2:40 Living an unexamined life means living a life someone else designed FOR you
3:30 Most of the noise today comes in the form of the media
4:10 If your goal is to get married and stay married, you have to avoid the media
4:20 Spend time with like-minded people
8:15 Women are making very real decisions about their very real lives based on something they absorb as real but isn’t
10:40 If you regularly absorb pop culture, you are absorbing the wrong ideas about men and marriage
11:50 “Spin sisters” are a group of media elite who influence the ways every day women think
13:50 Stop caring about what other people think and do
14:35 Women have been taught to value money and prestige over love and family
15:05 Don’t let the opinions of others drown out your inner voice
I suspect that, like me, you all are probably reading a lot headlines about Bill and Melinda Gates in the wake of their divorce announcement. The most recent one I read was in the WSJ about a sexual relationship Bill Gates had many years ago w a Microsoft employee. A spokesperson for Gates said, “There was an affair almost 20 years ago which ended amicably.”
As soon as I read this headline, I thought about all the people who will hone in on this event in the Gates’ marriage and imagine a gotcha moment as in, "Ha! That’s why Melinda Gates filed for divorce! Her husband is a philanderer!"
What you will never hear about are the circumstances that surround an affair, particularly when men are the ones who have it. If a woman has an affair, it's because she's been wronged in some way. But if a man has it, he’s just a bad man or a bad husband.
I’d like to challenge that narrative by telling the truth about why good men stray.
IN THIS EPISODE:
2:40 Suzanne reads an email from a listener about affairs and the rationale behind it
5:00 The idea of remaining attractive, pleasant and kind with one’s husband is oftentimes met with resistance due to life stresses, etc.
6:00 The idea that you can succumb to those pressures and become someone totally different from the person your spouse dated is unfair
7:00 For the average marriage, you can start to behave the way you did when you were dating and get those feelings back pretty quickly
8:30 The idea that you can starve a man sexually and expect him to remain faithful is ridiculous and immature
8:50 It isn’t just about sex—millions of husbands are starving from affection from their wives, which is almost more significant than sex
11:20 A lot of women wait for the “feeling” to envelope them before they act. Sometimes, it takes the act to get the feeling
13:00 On all of Suzanne’s intake forms for coaching, when men answer questions it has to do with the lack of sex and affection
16:45 Not having sex with your husband is cruel
This episode is about how thinking about and doing things differently from the norm when it comes to marriage and relationships is what ultimately allows you to succeed in love.
I came across an article the other day that was entitled “Covid quarantine confirmed that sleeping in separate beds is the best thing for my marriage,” by Judi Ketteler. And upon reading this, in addition to thinking about my own marriage, I thought about my conversation in December 2019 with Rabbi Manis Friedman —bc in that episode he said that it’s actually “insulting” to sleep in the same bed with one’s spouse. So with that in mind I invited Rabbi Friedman back on to talk about not just the surprising benefits of not sleeping w one’s spouse but the benefits of embracing a mindset about marriage that differs radically from the norm.
Rabbi Friedman is an internationally sought after speaker, author and expert on the topics of love, marriage, intimacy and parenting. He has appeared on CNN, PBS, and BBC Worldwide, and has been the subject of articles in the New York Times, Rolling Stone, Seventeen and others. He’s the author of Doesn’t Anyone Blush Anymore? and The Art of Intimacy, which we will talk w him about as well.
Rabbi Friedman’s website is itsgoodtoknow.org.
IN THIS EPISODE:
5:45 What is intimacy and how is it different from sex?
9:45 Casual sex vs. sex in a committed relationship/marriage
10:45 Sex as a “performance” often falls short of expectations
11:20 Sex in a marriage isn’t always intimate
12:25 If you want to have an intimate relationship, make sure the lights are off
14:35 The average couple has sex once a month
15:40 The only way to not be alone in the world is through marriage
17:40 Sex and love ruin marriage
18:45 People used to stay married longer because they could admit they need each other
22:20 Don’t get married if you “need” something
22:40 Why are divorce rates so much lower in the orthodox Jewish community?
23:10 Why is sleeping apart good for marriage?
27:00 Why is sex better when you sleep apart?
32:40 Why marry?
Several weeks ago I posted an interview with Adam Coleman, author of the book From Black Victim to Black Victor, where Coleman outlines the ways in which the black community has been conditioned to believe they're oppressed and how black women in particular have fallen for feminism to the detriment of their families and even themselves.
Shortly thereafter, I received an email from India Lee Starks who loved the interview and who emphasized this question that came up in my interview with Coleman: “Why are black women forgiven for failing to select better men?” Here's what India, who is black, had to say:
"Why are black women NEVER accountable for ANYTHING?! That can go for women in general, also. But when I look at my counterparts these days, the “modern black woman,” my heart fills with grief. They are far from the heroines of the “Greatest Generation” and generations before. They are entitled, arrogant, and selfish. It’s painful to witness. They champion single motherhood like it’s an achievement and have become oppressive and demoralizing in their attitude and treatment towards black men! It’s nauseating."
I subsequently invited India on to discuss how feminism has affected the black community.
India Lee Starks, 34, was born and raised in Williamsburg, VA and currently lives in the DC area. She worked for Teach for America in 2011 and the DC Corps from 2011-2013. She then graduated from law school and afterward helped open a newly opened charter school. In 2018, she worked for a year in the White House and now works for the Department of Education, Office of Civil Rights. India is newly married with two teenage stepsons.
IN THIS EPISODE:
9:50 How women in the black community shifted in their response to men
12:30 India talks about her family history and why she didn’t take to feminist ideology
16:25 Parenting is the last, best hope to counteract what your kids are absorbing
17:50 What women choose to wear is how they communicate
21:15 Black families are leading the charge with single parent homes at 64%
23:50 How feminism affected the black community and the breakdown of the family
26:55 Father absence
32:15 Women are tired of being "strong"
35:00 Black women have become audacious and arrogant when it comes to men
36:00 Feminism has shifted women’s identities to a focus on their careers and jobs and away from being mothers
39:30 Feminists want a matriarchy
39:50 India talks about her work in the White House with the Trump Administration and the environment with her male co-workers
47:30 Feminism has tapped into women's emotional center
50:10 Women are promoting their own interests instead of doing what is right by our communities and families
Today on the show we're going to talk about thirteen reasons modern marriage fails.
3:00 Too many young couples don't understand the meaning of marriage
6:00 Adopting a Judeo-Christian model for marriage can solve marital issues
6:30 Men have become feminized, and women have become masculinized
7:00 Couples are holding back the tide of nature, trying to make something fit that doesn't fit
8:55 Women in modern marriages have ridiculously high expectations
9:50 Men have simpler needs
11:50 High expectations lead to disappointment
12:45 Stop expecting your spouse to react the same way
15:00 Modern married couples rely on love alone
17:40 So many women end up marrying the wrong man because they find themselves up against the clock
19:55 Our anti-male culture undermines respect for men
21:05 Not understanding the value of sacrifice or delayed gratification
23:05 Lack of maturity
24:30 Hook-up culture causes a trail of pain and heartache in women, ruins their ability to bond
26:12 So many young people are products of divorce
28:10 Materialism: money & fame over love
29:05 Decline in religion
30:35 Social media has unquestionably weakened marriages
Today we're going to talk about the most important red flags to consider while dating, for both women and men.
IN THIS EPISODE:
3:20 Your guy needs to have a job, a purpose and a plan
8:00 Is he a mama’s boy?
10:40 Men: There’s really only one thing you need to figure out while you’re dating: Is your gal a feminist?
11:30 Clear signs of a feminist: her attitude toward men and marriage, her view of marriage as an institution, her priorities, her ability (or lack thereof) to make sacrifices?
19:30 Do you share the same values and priorities? What is it that you want?
20:50 If you plan on having a family, what does he or she want that to look like?
24:20 Where do you want to live?
26:20 The reality of marrying someone who's a product of divorce
28:40 Determine your non-negotiables and stick to the Want to be as successful in love as you are at life?
Go to http://www.suzannevenker.com and 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝟯 𝗙𝗥𝗘𝗘 𝗲𝗕𝗼𝗼𝗸𝘀 to begin your journey!
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Ladies, do you wish someone would have told you the things you had to learn the hard way about men? I don’t know about you, but I wish I’d known the things I’m going to tell you when I was first married. If you know how men think and become fluent in their language, your marriage or relationship is just exponentially stronger.
So for those who have a strong desire to understand men, I’m going to discuss in this episode six things you need to know about men that can literally change the entire course of your relationship. Ready? Here we go.
1. Men are easy to please and quick to forgive.
2. A man’s identity is inextricably linked to his ability to provide and protect.
3. Men can only concentrate on one thing at a time.
4. Men need time to process their emotions. Leave them alone while they do.
5. Men don’t like to fight with women.
6. Men don’t just want sex—they need it.
IN THIS EPISODE:
3:00 Men are easy to please and quick to forgive
3:30 Men are simple and have far fewer needs than women do. Respect, companionship and sex are the basics
4:15 A man’s identity is inextricably linked to his ability to provide and protect
5:00 When a woman makes considerably more than her husband it’s a tougher road for the marriage.
6:20 Since women are not wired to provide and protect, their reaction to being the primary breadwinner is very different from a man’s
7:15 The result of a shift in economic power usually shows itself negatively in the bedroom
8:30 Men can only concentrate on one thing at a time
9:00 The truth about “multitasking” is not superior
10:20 The fact that men can only do one thing at a time is something to admire
11:10 Men need time to process their emotions. Leave them alone while they do
13:15 Men don’t like to fight with women
15:29 Learn to talk less and move slower
16:50 Men don’t just want sex—they NEED it
17:20 A married man whose wife doesn't like sex or who won't have sex will either seek it elsewhere or suffer in silence
19:40 Men have a physical need for sex that women do not
Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that America has become a society of victims. My next guest, Adam Coleman, just released a new book entitled “Black Victim to Black Victor,” where he outlines all the ways in which the black community has been conditioned to believe they are oppressed and how black women in particular have fallen for feminism to the detriment of their families and even themselves.
In this episode we discusses the fatherlessness epidemic, the arrogance of white progressives, and how the black community can heal and empower themselves. Adam also shares his own story about growing up with a single mom and even being homeless at times.
Adam is the founder of Wrong Speak Publishing, an outlet for people to want to feel uninhibited when expressing their thoughts and opinions. Its mission is to dive deeper into topics that are deemed taboo.
IN THIS EPISODE:
5:00 The narrative around George Floyd’s death went from one unfortunate incident to the narrative that all black men are in danger by someone wearing a badge
6:50 The media elite has an agenda when it comes to race
9:30 Adam's story: He was a product of a single parent home/he last saw his father was when he was 16
11:00 Adam discusses how his upbringing had a hand in his relationship failures
12:00 Adam talks about his family and his experience being homeless
13:30 "The greatest privilege in America is not being white; it’s having a healthy mother and father in the home."
14:20 The problems in the black community regarding family issues are starting to bleed over into other racial groups
18:45 America's "honesty gap”
23:00 It is uncomfortable to say that although George Floyd died in an unfortunate way, he is partly responsible for the outcome of his life
24:50 When people embrace the victimhood narrative, they are giving up their agency and power
26:00 The feminist movement piggy-backed off the Civil Rights Movement
26:40 Adam discusses how the feminist movement has infiltrated the black community
28:20 Feminism claims to identify things that make women resent men, but all it does is manufacture what is not there
29:00 Feminism gave women a sense of narcissism (ex: queen, boss, diva)
30:40 Men have disappeared from a role of importance and family authority due to the welfare system
32:45 Suzanne and Adam discuss shame and stigma
40:10 Popular black culture teaches girls and women to act in a way that repels masculine men and attracts feminized men, with no future prospects for marriage or fatherhood
46:30 The epidemic of lost children
55:10 Adam talks about his “a-ha” moments and how he overcame his own victimhood
58:00 America is extremely comfortable compared to the rest of the world
It is one of the most taboo topics on the planet: what happens when wives earn more. The following podcast is an in-depth look at what happened when one wife's side hustle exploded and created a rift in her marriage, causing resentment and frustration that led to an eventual separation.
When Lauren Taylor, who's from South Africa, first reached out to me, she and her husband Jarryd had separated and were close to divorce when she heard me on The Mikhaila Peterson Podcast. After purchasing and reading a copy of The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriage, Lauren signed up for marriage coaching.
On her intake form, Lauren wrote that she wanted "to be softer and kinder and more tolerant of her husband's shortcomings, to find a way to effectively balance their roles and responsibilities, to find a solution to their finances, to stop feeling resentful, and to feel safe, secure, and adored."
Several years prior to their separation, Lauren had started an online weight-loss business called Happy Shrinkers—which was fueled by her own struggle to lose weight—with the intent of having it be a side gig. Instead, it exploded and before she knew it she was out-earning her husband tenfold.
Lauren is not an anomaly. She represents millions of women who are out-earning the men they love, and it's causing problems no wants to talk about. If you read about breadwinning wives in the news, the message is always the same: Men need to "man up" and get over it.
This is a very simplistic and entirely unhelpful narrative. This new marital dynamic is far from innocuous, nor is it going away. Both men and women suffer, albeit in different ways, when wives earn more—and divorce is much more likely to occur. Even if couples don't get divorced, their marriages are often mired in conflict.
That is why I'm enormously grateful to Lauren for having the courage to come on The Suzanne Venker Show and discuss this very timely, and very personal, subject. It is my hope that her story resonates and helps other couples in the same boat understand what they're dealing with and gain useful insights about how keep their relationship afloat.
**This is a rebroadcast of Ep. 44 w/ Mikhaila Peterson. We'll be back next week with more exciting content. Suzanne will be interviewing one of her coaching clients. DON'T MISS IT! Thanks for listening. Enjoy.**
It's hard enough to be a millennial these days. But does being Jordan Peterson's daughter make it easier? Or harder? Mikhaila Peterson is perhaps best known for being Jordan Peterson’s daughter, but she wears many hats. She’s the CEO of her father’s company, Luminate Enterprises, as well as the author of the blog, Don’t Eat That (https://mikhailapeterson.com/), which highlights Mikhaila's journey into remission from juvenile arthritis, severe depression, and chronic fatigue by using an all-beef elimination diet known as the Lion Diet. Most importantly, Mikhaila is a married mother of one daughter and lives in Toronto.
IN THIS EPISODE:
– How being Jordan Peterson’s daughter shapes her thought process, particularly as it compares to her contemporaries
– On Mikhaila’s experience with political correctness at University and how this politically correct environment caused her to change her major
– How Mikhaila’s Lion Diet helped her and how you have to think for yourself and do your own research when it comes to your health
– How mainstream media is nasty and corrupt and her experience with the media’s (incorrect) portrayal of her father
– Mikhaila’s experience being a young mother and why motherhood should be prioritized over career
– What it’s like to date as a millennial and the downsides of the birth control pill
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