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LET'S TALK MIDLIFE BODY CONFIDENCE.
Throughout my journey back home to me I have played around A LOT with my external appearance.
You see, years ago (when my internal programming of self-hate was running the show) I had many surgeries to change how I looked. These include:
🪞Nose job
🪞Eye surgery
🪞Lip filler
🪞Botox
🪞Boob job, 2 enlargements, first ones were 300 cc, then 600 cc!
🪞Then boob uplift and smaller implants.
🪞Liposuction on my tummy area.
Did any of this make me happy?
YES, for a small brief period. Then, after the initial excitement disappeared, I wanted more.
I was having twice weekly blow-outs (cos I hated my curly hair), fake nails, and eyelash extensions.
And I was hooked on clean eating (dieting) and beasting my body in the gym (even when I was exhausted).
I was chasing perfection.
And perfection is something we will never achieve.
It is always just out of our reach.
Tempting and teasing us to JUST TRY one more thing to get there.
It’s exhausting and left me feeling despondent.
As I car-crashed into my 40’s (after 2 mental breakdowns) I realised what I was doing to myself DID NOT WORK.
There are many layers to my story of transformation and I will not be able to do them justice in this short piece of writing, yet I wanted to share some of the insights I have discovered about my relationship with my body.
Over the last 12 years, I have explored how I can create a softer, more harmonious relationship with this body I have hated for most of my life.
♥️I stopped wearing make-up. Then started wearing it again, yet I’m happy with or without make-up now.
♥️I stopped having blow-outs and embraced my natural curls. I must admit; I adore my curly red hair.
♥️I stopped dying my hair and allowed the greys to come through. Then decided I preferred my hair red, so continue to colour my hair.
♥️I stopped having my nails and eyelashes done and I prefer myself without them.
♥️I considered getting more liposuction and even went to a couple of doctors to talk about the procedure. When a top London plastic surgeon told me I needed a tummy tuck instead, I decided no, that’s not the route I wanted to go.
♥️In the last 12 years my weight has gone up, down, up, down then up, up, up and then down, down, down. At ALL times I have been committed to loving the fuck out of my body as she is. Because I understand that weight is a by-product of my current life circumstances.
At my heaviest I was going through a divorce, working really hard, drinking booze, stressed the fuck out and wasn’t exercising regularly. At my lowest I had completely transformed my life (moved to Turkey), eliminated most of my external stressors, went back to the gym, started weight training again, stopped drinking booze, ate frugally, and slept a lot.
WEIGHT IS NEVER AS SIMPLE AS CALORIES IN/CALORIES OUT. ESPECIALLY IN PERIMENOPAUSE.
👉🏻We live in funny world where we are told (as women) we need to:
‼️ACCEPT OUR BODIES
‼️ALLOW OUR BODIES TO AGE GRACEFULLY
‼️CHANGE OUR BODIES
‼️DO ANYTHING WE CAN TO STOP THE AGEING PROCESS
‼️STOP PUTTING OUR VALUE ON OUR EXTERNAL APPEARANCE
‼️OUR VALUE IS BASED UPON OUR EXTERNAL APPEARANCE
‼️CHANGE OUR APPEARANCE TO BE DESIRABLE AND SEXY
‼️STOP FOCUSING ON OUR APPEARANCE
‼️BE A DIFFERENT SIZE/SHAPE THAN WE ARE
‼️EMBRACE OUR SIZE/SHAPE AS WE ARE
‼️DON’T HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY
‼️HAVE PLASTIC SURGERY
Can you see how confusing this all is?
And can you see that ALL of these are outside influences that (unless you bring awareness to them) weave their insidious way inside your mind and torment you with their mixed messages?
LIFE IS A PARADOX.
YOU ARE A PARADOX.
I AM A PARADOX.
I will openly admit to being still affected by societal conditioning, yet rather than beat myself up I remain curious about how I WANT TO SHOW UP IN THE WORLD WITH MY BODY.
We have so many more options available to us than ever before, especially around how we age as midlife women.
If we have the resources, we can do anything and everything to our bodies.
And I’ve learned over the years that if I choose to do something to my body because I hate her, the feel-good results are never long-lasting.
So, now at the age of 52 I am taking back my body autonomy and choosing what is RIGHT FOR ME.
MY BODY: MY RULES.
What I do with my body has nothing to with anyone but me.
And, if you are wondering it looks like this:
💎I have regular botox. Because it makes my face look fresher and softer (see below for caveats on this)
💎I have regular lip filler. Because I love my lips looking plump.
💎I wear make-up cos it makes me feel sassy and sexy.
💎I take a regular collagen supplement cos I believe this makes my skin feel more plump (plus it helps to keep my connective tissue lubricated) <---- you know we have 32-33 layers of connective tissue that wraps around everything in our bodies and it’s essential to keep this stuff moving and juicy (if you want to move with ease as you get older).
💎I dye my hair because I prefer it red (and not grey).
💎I sunbathe because I prefer my skin with a tan to being pale as a ghost.
💎I regularly workout in the gym with heavy-ass weights and consistent cardio because I love being strong and fit.
💎I ride my bike everywhere because I love the feeling of being fit, and energetic.
💎I sleep A LOT because it doesn’t matter how much botox I have, if I don’t get my sleep in I look like shit.
💎I minimise my alcohol intake because when I drink my body has weird aches and pains, I get cramps, my bags under my eyes go really dark and my skin shrivels up like a prune.
💎I drink shit-loads of water EVERY SINGLE DAY. Cos, hydration is key to my body looking and feeling fabulous.
💎My skin on my legs and arms has this kinda crepey texture to it, nothing I can do about that, so I embrace the fuck out of it.
💎I have lumpy skin on my tummy, I would say it’s cellulite (but you do know that cellulite is a made up term don’t you!) and this lumpy skin is now mixed with skin that isn’t so firm (cos you know; ageing). A tan makes it look better. I’m gonna choose to embrace this!
💎My vagaga ain’t as strong and firm as it used to be. I may even have a mini prolapse going on down there. I’m tending to my vagaga with love and compassion. I’m going to embrace this too.
What I CHOOSE to do is a mixture of embracing what I have, tweaking the things I choose to tweak and taking 100% responsibility for my own health and wellness. IT IS NOT ONE THING OR ANOTHER.
How I look is IMPORTANT TO ME.
I care about my appearance, YET MY APPEARANCE IS NOT THE CURRENCY I DEAL IN.
I DEEPLY CARE ABOUT MY HEALTH & WELLNESS.
I am not doing this for anyone else BUT ME.
Yet, most people can’t wrap their heads around this.
And you know why?
Because they are wrapped up in black-and-white thinking.
They don’t understand the concept of PARADOX.
They have no respect for autonomy so they meddle in everyone else’s business.
LIFE IS NOT BLACK AND WHITE.
LIFE IS NOT THIS WAY OR THAT WAY.
LIFE IS A CORNUCOPIA OF MANY DIFFERENT IDEAS, BELIEFS, CONCEPTS, FEELINGS, THOUGHTS & LIFESTYLES.
And what works for one, will not work for another.
So, for the ones who believe I am a hypocrite, I am a fraud when I share videos on embracing our bodies (yet I still have botox and lip filler) I want to say…
I hear you, and I invite you to frolic in the paradox of changing & embracing.
Oh, and I’m going to carry on doing me, living my life, MY WAY.
Because IT’S MY BODY: MY RULES.
And I’m here to make myself happy. And, invite you to do the same.
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