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    Kids & Family

    The Savvy Sauce

    Do you want ideas for questions to deepen your conversations? Do you want to feel intimately connected to your spouse? Do you desire to parent with purpose? If so, tune in each Monday with Laura, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specialized in Christian sex therapy. She interviews the best faith-based speakers to answer our questions and doesn’t shy away from a wide range of difficult topics. Sexual intimacy is discussed once a month so that you can delight in your marital relationship, feel equipped to teach your children about sex, and learn practical ways to overcome hurt or addiction. Episodes on health and wellness cover topics of hormones and free lifestyle swaps, perimenopause, and what simple practices yield HUGE health benefits. Marital experts teach conflict resolution that actually works, parenting pros share wisdom from newborns to adult children, business leaders let us in on secrets of the trade, and the foundation of everything is Jesus Christ!  Find joy here and live on purpose as you consider, “What’s your savvy sauce?!”

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    Latest Episodes:
    God's Global Miracles: Special Patreon Release with Hamisi Kirenga and Roy Sasaka Telewa Oct 26, 2026
    Show notes

    God's Global Miracles: Special Patreon Release with Hamisi Kirenga and Roy Sasaka Telewa Psalm 105:1 (NIV) "Give praise to the Lord, proclaim his name; make known among the nations what he has done." *Transcription Below* Hamisi Kirenga is the Director of Spread Truth Africa and Roy Sasaka Telewa is the CEO of the National Government Affirmative Action Fund for the government of Kenya. Spread Truth Africa: Twitter, Facebook, and Website Midwest Food Bank Website Questions we discuss: Will you share your conversion to Christianity? The two of you really came together during Covid. Tell us about the miracles you witnessed during that unique season. In addition to what you've already shared, are there any other incredible God stories that stand out in your mind? Other Episode mentioned from The Savvy Sauce: Miracles of God with Founder of Midwest Food Bank, David Kieser Thank You to Our Sponsors: Chick-fil-A East Peoria and The Savvy Sauce Charities Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:00 – 0:09) Laura Dugger: (0:09 - 3:08) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. I want to say a huge thank you to today's sponsors for this episode, Chick-fil-A East Peoria and Savvy Sauce Charities. If this is your first time here, welcome! You may be wondering what it means to have a special Patreon release. So, here's the scoop. Patreon was a platform we used to generate financial support for The Savvy Sauce, and we expressed our thanks to those paying patrons by giving them a bonus episode every month. But in 2024, we transitioned away from Patreon when we became a non-profit called The Savvy Sauce Charities. The podcast is part of this non-profit, which exists to resource loved ones to inspire growth and intimacy with God and others. So, people used to pay to support us through Patreon, but now they can just donate directly to our nonprofit. We spend thousands of dollars each year to record and produce these episodes, and we do pray that they're beneficial and that God sees fit to use them to be transformational in your life. If that is the case, if you have ever benefited from an episode of The Savvy Sauce, would you consider showing your gratitude through your financial generosity? Any amount is greatly appreciated. In fact, if every listener gave only $1 per month, it would completely offset our costs. We have all the details on website, thesavvysauce.com, but feel free to also reach out to our team anytime if you want to partner together. Our email address is info@thesavvysauce.com. And now I'm pleased to share this episode with you that used to only be available to paying patrons. My guests for today are Hamisi Kirenga and Roy Sasaka Telewa. Hamisi is the Spread Truth Africa director, and Roy is the CEO of the National Government Affirmative Action Fund for the Government of Kenya. My dad met Hamisi years ago through a ministry opportunity in New York City. Dad called me yesterday saying that Hamisi is visiting from Kenya, and he was staying about 30 minutes away from where I live, but he was going to leave the following day. Dad offered to babysit so that I could drive over to interview Hamisi and Roy. It was such a privilege to hear powerful ways God is at work in Africa and beyond. Here's our chat. Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Hamisi and Roy. Roy Sasaka Telewa: (3:08 - 3:13) Thank you so much, Laura, for having us today. Thank you, Laura. We are excited to be here. Laura Dugger: (3:13 - 3:26) Well, I am so honored to get this time with you. And I'm going to start with you, Hamisi. Can you take us all the way back and share a little bit about your childhood and what your upbringing was like? Hamisi Kirenga: (3:26 - 4:01) As you already heard from Laura, my name is Hamisi. I'm from Kenya. I was born in a small town called Mombasa, which is on the southern side of Kenya. It's predominantly a Muslim town. Actually, it's the oldest town in Kenya, because that's where the Portuguese came in and started the town, and then the Arabs, because it's along the coastal line. And I was born in a family of 11 children. I happen to be the eighth one. And it's a Muslim family. And I think I'll share with you later on about my conversion. Laura Dugger: (4:03 - 4:14) Thank you for sharing that, Hamisi. And just for any of us who are unfamiliar, are you born a Muslim? Are you considered to be born a Muslim, or is it a faith that you choose? Hamisi Kirenga: (4:15 - 4:22) I will say that if you're born in a Muslim family, you're pretty much going to grow up as a Muslim. You have no choice. Laura Dugger: (4:23 - 4:28) And so for you, what did that look like? You said you were born into a Muslim family. Hamisi Kirenga: (4:28 - 5:05) Yes. Like I mentioned to you earlier, Laura, is that when you're born in Mombasa, Islam is the largest religion. And chances are it's just automatic for you to just follow Islam in Mombasa. And actually, it's the coolest thing because every Friday, every place is closed, and people go for prayers. And in fact, if you don't worship on Friday, you don't look cool for the people. And therefore, as I grew up in a Muslim home, I found it to be the norm. There was nothing alarming, and I enjoyed it actually in Mombasa until we moved to Nairobi, which is another town. Laura Dugger: (5:06 - 5:10) And then moving to Nairobi, what is it that brought your family there? Hamisi Kirenga: (5:11 - 5:27) My dad had moved there because he got a new job. He was an engineer. And when my dad got a new job, a better-paying job, and Nairobi is one of the most progressive cities in Africa, and if you get a good job in Nairobi, chances are you get a better pay. And who doesn't want a better pay? Laura Dugger: (5:27 - 5:31) I love it. You said that with a smile on your face. Hamisi Kirenga: (5:32 - 5:32) Yes. Laura Dugger: (5:33 - 5:40) And so from my understanding, you have made a conversion to Christianity. Can you elaborate more on that journey? Hamisi Kirenga: (5:41 - 11:06) When you came to Nairobi, and Nairobi is not as Mombasa like I mentioned earlier, Mombasa is pretty much a Muslim town, a town that Arabs stayed there for quite a long time. And when we moved to Nairobi, Nairobi is more of a cosmopolitan town. And being a progressive town, my father and mother, when they moved in, I was enrolled in a public primary school. And our educational system is in a way that you take them, take eight years in primary school, and then four years in high school, and then four years in the university. It's what they used to call 844. And it is very unforgiving system because it's like the pyramid. At the bottom, you have hundreds of students getting in. But as you go up along the pyramid, few of them actually make it because you have what we call few universities in Kenya and few high schools. And I was not the best student in primary school. I used to be very mischievous. I used to be an indisciplined student. And I never used to do quite well in my exams. And we were about to do what we call our class 8 exams. And whenever we do class 8 exams, we have preachers who come and pray for us in schools. If you're Muslims, you gather together and pray. If you're Christians, you gather together and pray because these exams need prayers. If you don't pray and you have divine intervention, chances are even students get scared because they mean life to death. If you don't make it, you have to repeat. And every student in Kenya will do the same exams. And I was in a Muslim class because Christians were gathered together. And as I was teaching the Muslims, I was done, and we prayed with the Muslims. I used to enjoy teaching and leading Muslims in prayer. I used to be very religious as a young person and committed to my ways. As I finished leading the prayers for the Muslims, I decided to go and listen to what the Christians were saying. And I sat at the back, and the preacher who was teaching the Christians and praying for them for the exam, because I must tell you, Laura, these exams are unforgiving. And many students fail in the exams. And as a result of that, they won't progress to the high school, which is the first form, in the 844. And as I listened to the preacher, he said something that stuck into my heart. He was talking about the virgin birth in Luke, and he was talking about that verse that says, with Christ all things are possible. You remember when Mary laughed when she was told she's a virgin and she's going to give birth? And she laughed and said, how can it be? I'm a virgin. And the preacher was preaching to the Christians and tells them to put their faith in God because with Christ all things are possible, and they can make it. And that statement stuck in my heart. As I was growing up, I grew up understanding Christ to just be a prophet because that's what Muslims are taught. He's a prophet and nothing much. And when I went back home, I now know that it is the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit started convicting me that Christ is not just but a prophet, but He is the Son of God. And I remember when I sat at home, I could hear this audible voice speaking to me that I should ask Him whatever I need, and He will give it to me. I was a young man. Definitely I could not ask for a Lamborghini. And the exams were coming, Laura, and that was the most important thing in my life at that stage. My dad really wanted me to pass in my exams because he was an engineer, remember? And he really felt let down by me because I was not doing well in class. And I remember the Holy Spirit said, if you want to pass in your exam because that's what I asked Him. And He told me, before every exam, you place your hands on the exam paper and pray this prayer. If Christ, you are God, and everything is possible with you, let me pass my exams. And I remember in every exam, I placed my hands. And when the results came out, I was top of the school. And I could not believe it. And I remember in that point, I felt, wow, the Holy Spirit has answered. But still, I was hurting in my heart. I could not just say yes to Christ. And I remember I went to a Christian camp. Our sister in our family was the first one to be born again. And she had been inviting me to Christian camps. We call them in Kenya, Word of Life camp. And I remember it was in the coast. I went to this camp. It was August 1996 on Sunday at night. And as I was trying to sleep, after a while, I could not sleep. And after the Holy Spirit made me pass my exams, this was the following year, I was still not, you know, Muslims don't easily surrender their heart. And I remember at night in 1996, I woke up and the Holy Spirit said, it is my turn now for you to give your life to me. I remember I woke up in the middle of the night. A gentleman called Charles, he now lives in Canada. He's the one who led me to Christ one o'clock in the morning. I could not sleep. And the rest is history. Laura Dugger: (11:08 - 11:21) Wow. And there are tears in my eyes right now. Even hearing every testimony is so powerful. And then just a point of connection, August 19th is when the Holy Spirit convicted me and I was born again. Hamisi Kirenga: (11:21 - 14:33) Wow. Wow. Interesting. It's amazing how God works. And at that point for me, I realized Christ is not just a prophet. He's God. And there's nothing he cannot do. And for many of us who think God is abstract, God is very functional. He hears us and He's there. And for me, I just needed to know that. And after that, I can tell you it was not an easy walk in the park. My mother had already passed on by that period. And my father told me that now you can let your Christ help you. I remember he actually kicked me out of the house. And it was a very difficult time in high school. And after that, I remember I had a lot of bitterness with my dad because he abandoned me. And he needed nothing to do with me. And I remember when I finished high school, I did so well in school again. I got a clean A and I was going to do medicine and surgery to become a doctor. I really wanted to become a doctor. Even my walking style was a doctor. Even the way I talked to other students was a doctor. And I remember the Holy Spirit telling me again, I did not let you pass or give you this brain for you to become a doctor. And my senior pastor, who is Elijah Nwanji, who is the senior pastor of Rejoice Baptist Church, at that point I felt God calling me to ful…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    What is Grace-Based Parenting? It's Not What You Think with Dr. Charles Fay (Episode 303) Oct 19, 2026
    Show notes

    What is Grace-Based Parenting? It's Not What You Think with Dr. Charles Fay (Episode 303) “calmness can lay great errors to rest” Ecclesiastes 10:4b Quest NIV *Transcription Below* Charles Fay, PhD, is an internationally recognized author, consultant, and public speaker. He is also president of the Love and Logic Institute. Millions of educators, mental health professionals, and parents worldwide have benefited from Dr. Fay's down-to-earth solutions to the most common and frustrating behaviors displayed by youth of all ages. methods come directly from years of research and clinical experience serving severely disturbed youth and their families in psychiatric hospitals, public and private schools, and homes. Dr. Fay's interest in education and psychology were piqued by years of contact with some of our nation's most dynamic experts in these fields. This early exposure began in childhood when he participated in training events with his father, Jim Fay. Jim is one of the nation's leading experts on child discipline and has over 50 years of experience in public education. The internationally recognized Love and Logic approach was literally developed around Dr. Charles Fay as he grew. Now, he jokes, "I think that's why I became a psychologist . . . just to figure out what they were doing to me as a kid! But let me be clear . . . I absolutely adore my mom and dad as a result of these experiences." Dr. Fay earned his PhD with highest honors from the University of South Carolina. Prior to and during his university training in school and clinical psychology, he enjoyed working with children in psychiatric, public school, and mental health settings. Because of his high-powered sense of humor and story-telling skills, audiences experience the most memorable and life-changing form of learning—learning that's mentally connected to joy and real-life examples. Dr. Fay and his wife, Monica, reside in the mountains outside of Denver, Colorado. They have three sons who are young adults. When he isn't writing, consulting, or speaking, he enjoys snowmobiling, off-road motorcycle riding, hiking, and other active sports with his family. To learn more about Dr. Fay and the Love and Logic approach, visit loveandlogic.com. Thank You to Our Sponsor: Midwest Food Bank Questions and Topics We Cover: Will you share your story of getting some parenting advice from your eighty-three-year-old neighbor that shaped your philosophy on parenting? How can we guide our kids to own their own problems and solve their own problems? Will you also share some questions we can ask our children to help our kids discover their unique giftings from God and learn how to use them for the good of others? Related Savvy Sauce Episodes: 74. Effective Parenting for Toddlers Through College with Wife, Mother to 8, and The Exchange Founder, Elizabeth Pehrson Part 1 164. Inspiring Perspective in Parenting with Kay Wyma 295. Long-Game Parenting with Elizabeth Pehrson 296. Raising Future HEALTHY Adults with Elizabeth Pehrson Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:00 – 0:12) Laura Dugger: (0:12 - 1:15) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. Thank you to an anonymous donor to Midwest Food Bank, who paid the sponsorship fee in hopes of spreading awareness. Learn more about this amazing nonprofit organization at MidwestFoodBank.org. I'm excited to get to welcome back to the podcast today my guest, Dr. Charles Fay. He's a psychologist and president of the Love & Logic Institute. And he's also the author of this book, Raising Spiritually Strong Kids. He's going to discuss some of these bigger theological concepts, but then practical ways that we can raise children more on the straight and narrow path. Here's our chat. Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Dr. Charles. Dr. Charles Fay: (1:16 - 1:24) Thank you so much. It is a pleasure to be here. Thank you for everybody who's joined us. We're thankful for you. Laura Dugger: (1:24 - 1:38) Well, I'd love to begin with a story. So, do you mind sharing the story of the parenting advice that you received from an 83-year-old neighbor that ended up changing your philosophy on parenting? Dr. Charles Fay: (1:39 - 5:39) Yeah, well, so I grew up in the mountains of Colorado, a very rural area. I still live there, actually. But I did go to graduate school in Columbia, South Carolina, the wonderful University of South Carolina. So, I'm living in a rental house, and I had this neighbor who was 80 years old, I believe, and she was just a sweetheart. But here I'm in this process of working on my Ph.D. and studying all this research and memorizing all these things. It is like a high stress atmosphere. And we have a little son. And he's about three years of age at the time. And I remember going, I was going to be this hero. I'm going to be a good dad. I'm going to take him out to the restaurant this morning. Mom's going to have a break and we're going to have some father-son time. And we get there and he's just wild and he's out of control. He's standing on the chair instead of sitting and he won't eat anything. He's making a big scene. And all these people are looking at me and I'm feeling like I have nothing. As I'm studying, I'm working on my Ph.D. in child psychology. I got nothing. So, I'm just totally humbled. I don't even remember how I handled it. I think I said something like, well, that's OK. We're going. Something like that. Like really effective. OK. Not so much. But I'm next door talking to her, man. I'm just saying, oh, you know, I just, this is not going well. And she looked at me and she said, she said, “She said, so sweet. She said, oh, it's just wonderful. It's deep South. She said, oh, yeah, you got all them facts in your head. And it's just locking you up, son. It's just locking you up. And she said, God's the best dad. He's the best father. And he's loving and he's strong. That's all you have to remember. Just you follow him. He's loving and he's strong. You do that. You'll be OK. And I thanked her and I went home and I thought, “What does she know? She's not me. She's not in graduate school. And then I thought, wait a second, what do I know? I have no idea what to do. And as I thought about it, it totally revolutionized by my mindset, because how many of us in today's modern society are all locked up because we're getting different opinions from everywhere. You know, somebody saying, oh, you know, you can't be too strict. Other persons say, no, you really need to have law and order, you know, your kids, you're hearing this, you're hearing that. And pretty soon we do get locked up because we're trying to process way too much information instead of just going to the source, going to scripture and looking at those themes. And I got to thinking as I was reflecting on Irma, I've seen a lot of loving parents raise kids who are not very healthy emotionally. And I've also seen a lot of parents who are really strong raise kids who are not all that healthy and emotionally and not very good character. I've seen that. But honestly, when I reflect on it, I don't know if I've seen very many at all. I can't think of any who were both loving and strong at the same time, who had big problems with their kids. It was always that combination of that person who is very strong, very loving at the same time, who overall ended up raising the best put together kids. Laura Dugger: (5:41 - 6:00) Wow. That is so helpful to think of holding both of those truths. But then something else you also write about is how anxiety and perfectionism can be harmful to us as parents. What can we do to counteract both of those tendencies? Dr. Charles Fay: (6:02 - 12:03) Well, I'm still struggling with those, but I can share with you what I've found is really helpful. And I've shared with many, many parents over the last 30 years, that's really, really helpful. So, let's just all camp out on that thing. So, from a biblical perspective, to consider who's really in control of this whole show. I mean, this idea of perfectionism is basically this idea that, yeah, thank you, God, for what you've done. Now I've got it. Thank you for sending your son. Thank you for his sacrifice on the cross. I'm thankful that he rose again on the third day. I believe all that. I trust him with my salvation. Thank you so much. Now I'll take over. I got it now. And we all do that. Us who really care, who are highly motivated people, we do that. And where does that bring us? It brings us to a place of perfectionism, because if it's all on our shoulders now, I've got to do it perfectly. It also brings us to a place of great anxiety because we start getting tired and we make a lot of mistakes because we're human beings. Right. And then we feel bad about it. And then we feel bad about feeling bad. And then we worry that our kids will see us worrying. And so, we're worrying about worrying. And we're thinking that maybe our kids are going to become warriors too. And then it just starts to blow up. And Christ, he says, come to me, all of you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Now, I know people know this and people watching this, listening to it. I know they know it, but how often do we forget it? So that's the big spiritual concept there. Okay. Another part of the answer is this. So, number one, the big spiritual, you know, concept, and that is trust Christ with this. The second one is hope and pray that your kids make plenty of mistakes. In fact, hope and pray that you make some mistakes in front of your kids, because think about it. If I don't make any mistakes and I'm really perfect and my kids are really perfect, then how, how needed in our minds is the gospel. But when we're real and we make mistakes and we fall short, and when our kids are real and they make mistakes and they fall short, how relevant is the gospel? It's, I remember one time, one of my sons, he went into my remote office. It's just in part of the garage outside of the house. And he was going to pop some popcorn in the microwave, which he really wasn't supposed to be out there without supervision. And he went in there and he, I think he hit 30 minutes on it instead of three. And then he walked out and went back in the house and, and he just totally destroyed the microwave and almost lit the house on fire. And I found out about this. It's a big shock. So, I come back in the house. I'm like, what happened here? You know, he fesses up and now I'm flying off the candle, you know, not doing love or logic, like, Oh, for crying out loud. That was dangerous. And you're, and you're going to pay for that. And I'm just got my finger in his face and it's horrible. And then I walk away and it hits the shame, the pain. And parents, are we going to find ourselves in that spot? Is it possible to live life with our kids without finding ourselves in that spot? Maybe it's not exactly like that, but we have that great shame and that great regret. And we're going to Lord. Now it's relevant. Now it's relevant. And I remember going to my son later that day and apologizing. He's about eight. I said, I just handled that so poorly. That was not, that was not love and logic. It's not what I teach. And I'm just ashamed and please forgive me. And he, he, he, he hugged me. We hugged each other and he said, dad, he said, that's okay. Like you always say, everybody needs Jesus all the time. It's like, and in those places of pain and imperfection where in spite of our best efforts, we fail. Is there a great opportunity for God to use that to bring glory to him? So, number one, big spiritual concept is trust Christ with this. Number two is hope and pray for mistakes. Okay. They're going to happen. We don't do them on purpose just so God can work it out. Right. But they're going to happen. And then we're constantly going to Christ and we're, we're saying this, I've, I've memorized this and Lord, I don't know what to do, but my eyes are on you. Laura Dugger: (12:07 - 12:17) That's so good. And so freeing. We can even memorize that as it rhymes and is, I can't remember which book of the Bible that's from, but that's so helpful in all situations. Dr. Charles…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    ALL THINGS MARRIAGE: In-Laws, Expectations, Sex Conversations, and NEWLYWED Tips with Mike Novotny (Episode 302) Oct 12, 2026
    Show notes

    ALL THINGS MARRIAGE: In-Laws, Expectations, Sex Conversations, and NEWLYWED Tips with Mike Novotny (Episode 302) Philippians 2:4 AMP “Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. *Transcription Below* Pastor Mike Novotny has served God’s people in full-time ministry since 2007 in Madison and currently at The CORE in Appleton, Wisconsin. He also serves as the lead speaker for Time of Grace, where he shares the good news about Jesus through television, radio, print, and online platforms. Mike loves seeing people grasp the depth of God’s amazing grace and unstoppable mercy. His wife continues to love him (despite plenty of reasons not to), and his two daughters open his eyes to the love of God for every Christian. When not talking about Jesus or dating his wife/girls, Mike loves playing soccer, running, and reading.“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Romans 5:8). Pastor Mike Novotny’s Website Pastor Mike Novotny’s Books Thank You to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Questions and Topics We Cover: What is the single most dangerous thing couples bring into marriage-and how do they get rid of it? Statistics reveal sex and communication as two specific areas that worsen over the first four years of marriage. How can we turn that around? What’s your advice for navigating in-laws in a Christ-honoring way, as God intended? Related Savvy Sauce Episodes: A God-Honoring Relationship Between a Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law with Annie Chapman, Episode 2 4. Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life With Your Spouse With Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen 85. Five Love Languages with Dr. Gary Chapman Maximize PLEASURE in Marriage by Understanding Your Wife Better: An Interview with Francie Winslow (Episode 294) 185. Sex Series: God's Design and Warnings for Sex: An Interview with Mike Novotny 186. Sex Series: Enhancing Female Pleasure and Enjoyment of Sex: An Interview with Dr. Jennifer Degler Sex in Marriage and Its Positive Effects with Francie Winslow, Part 1 Science and Art of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage, Part 2 Making Love in Marriage with Debra Fileta Mutually Pleasing Sex in Marriage with Gary Thomas 56. Enjoying a God-Honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse with Certified Sex Therapist and Ordained Minister, Dr. Michael Sytsma How to Improve EVERY Aspect of Your Life: An Interview with J.R. Briggs (Episode 297) Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:00 – 0:11) Laura Dugger: (0:11 - 1:31) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. Leman Property Management Company has the apartment you will be able to call home, with over 1,700 apartment units available in Central Illinois. Visit them today at lemanproperties.com or connect with them on Facebook. Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. I'm so excited to get to welcome back a returning guest, Mike Novotny. He is a pastor and an author, and what inspired our conversation is his most recent book, entitled Newlywed: A Christian Guide for Loving Year One. So, we're not only going to talk about year one in marriage, but all of the other topics that apply no matter where you find yourself in the marital journey. So, we'll cover things such as in-laws and finances and sex and communication. So, you're going to want to make sure you listen all the way through to glean all this wisdom. Here's our chat. Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Mike. Mike Novotny: (1:32 - 1:34) Great to be here. Thanks for having me back. Laura Dugger: (1:34 - 1:50) Well, it's truly my pleasure. And as you've been a guest before, now we get to just dive right in. So, I want to know, what is the single most dangerous thing that couples bring into a marriage, and how can they get rid of it? Mike Novotny: (1:50 - 2:54) Yeah, that's a great question. I had a chance to interview 20 brand new married people from our church recently. So, I bribed them with a bunch of caffeine. I said, “Let me take you to a coffee shop.” And I basically asked them the question, “What did you think marriage was going to be like? And then what was marriage actually like when it began?” And what I found out was that each couple had kind of distinct answers when it came to the details of it. You know, for some people, there were differences on expectations with chores. For others, it was relationships with in-laws. For some, it was sex and intimacy. For others, communication or faith. But I think the thing that linked almost all the conversations together was that these people had entered into marriage with a whole bunch of expectations in their hearts that they had never spoken to the person that they loved. And I came away with this realization that it is so great, obviously, to have love and faith when you enter marriage. But having love and faith is not enough for a successful marriage. Mutually agreed upon expectations are like the third key leg in that stool that make a brand-new marriage stand strong. Laura Dugger: (2:55 - 3:06) Wow, that is really insightful. And did you come up with any specific areas where couples tend to have these unvoiced and even unmet expectations? Mike Novotny: (3:07 - 3:09) For sure. How long is this podcast? Laura Dugger: (3:09 - 3:10) Like seven hours? Mike Novotny: (3:10 - 4:26) Because I think that's what I would need. Yeah, it could be, I mean, let's go down the list. It could be like when I get home from work, do you expect me to do the housework or do I expect to relax and pull out my phone? When you're driving and we're in the car together, do I expect to catch up on work emails and texts? Or do I have to give you my full attention because you're driving? Do I expect that we're going to have sex once a month, once a week, once a day? Do I expect, well, I initiated last time, so you initiate this time. Do I expect that we're going to hang out with your parents this Christmas and my parents next Christmas? Do I expect that I'm going to do like the car stuff and the yard stuff because that's what my dad did when I was growing up and you're going to do the cooking and cleaning and the primary caregiving of our children? You can pretty much take anything. It could be housework, in-laws, communication, faith. Are we going to church every week? Are we reading our Bible every day? Do we pray together? All these things are expectations. And very often they're not like right or wrong, good or bad kind of things. But I think where it gets good or bad is whether I voice them, we've talked through them, come to a mutually agreed upon expectation or not. There's actually one Christian counselor I interviewed. She said every marriage has two problems. One, you have a whole bunch of expectations you haven't told your spouse about. Number two, you're pretty sure that all those expectations are correct. Laura Dugger: (4:28 - 4:28) That's good. Mike Novotny: (4:28 - 4:29) So that was a good word. Laura Dugger: (4:30 - 4:45) That is. And so, for those couples, let's specifically talk to couples that are premarital right now. How do they even know to bring up these conversations, or they might not even know what expectations they have in their heart? Mike Novotny: (4:45 - 5:52) Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I'm not sure how many hours the average couple spends on planning for the wedding day. I have a hunch it's triple digits with the centerpieces and the menu and the invitation list and the dress and the flowers and, you know, everything else. But what I don't think that most couples do is just to think that there's this whole list of things we should probably talk about. And that's not to say that if you don't talk about everyone, you're doomed or you're off to a terrible start. But, wow, what a beautiful thing. I mean, I wish I would have had this advice to, like, talk through these 25 things. Take a deep dive date and just go out for food that you love. And, OK, we're going to talk about chores. Tell me what you saw growing up with your mom and your dad. And I'll tell you what I saw. What are my expectations of what I'm going to do, you're going to do, how much we're going to do? I think if you can take, like, one date per topic, you can really dig into the key questions. So, I don't want to be naive. I don't want to be, like, too pastoral and think for every hour you spend on planning the day, let's, like, spend an hour planning the days that are going to come afterwards. But, man, if you can just rebalance that scale a little bit, I think you're not just going to have a great wedding day, but a great marriage once that day is over. Laura Dugger: (5:53 - 6:15) Absolutely. And then even for couples that have been married, it doesn't matter how many years, that may be a wise word for dates to be that intentional. Because seasons change and expectations may always change or be lingering there. So, at any phase of marriage, how can we actually move toward agreed-upon expectations? Mike Novotny: (6:17 - 7:28) Yeah, I think it starts with understanding is probably step one. So, can I, in my own words, kind of express what you think, what you expect? So, I hear you saying this, you're telling me this, you expected me to do this. If I can check that box, that's step one. Number two, you know, can we dialogue and get to a spot that we're both comfortable with? Let's say we're talking about money in the budget. Okay, you would love to spend all the money from, like, the tax refund. I would like to save all the money from the tax refund. Are we comfortable meeting in the middle? And then three, what I think is a really deeply Christian thing is that let's say we can't get to that spot. Can I ask the Holy Spirit to help me to make me a selfless spouse that's not here to be served but to serve? That if my expectation is here and yours is there, can I put my own desires on the altar and say, okay, I wish it was this, but I'm here to serve you. And I want you to know how I feel, but I definitely want to love you and prioritize you and kind of Philippians to you to value others even above myself. So, to me, that's kind of like the trio. Do I get it? Can we compromise on it? And if not, can I sacrifice just to show you that I'm not in this for me, but for us and for you? Laura Dugger: (7:29 - 7:50) Love it. And your book can be a great resource for that. Maybe just practically as they take that out on a date. Like, okay, this week we're covering this chapter and come up with conversation starters. Or what if the couple says we don't even know how to bring this up? Do you have any really practical ways to begin engaging in this conversation? Mike Novotny: (7:51 - 8:42) Yeah. Yeah. Two ways. You mentioned the first. I really tried to write the book in a simple way that you could just take it with you on a date night. In fact, I encourage family members and friends like buy this book as a wedding gift and then stick like a gift card inside as a bookmarker and say, okay, we're paying for the first date or the first two dates, and we'd love for you to set a great foundation of faith and communication. So that's one. If you want a free version, not that I don't want you to consider my book, but wow, how great is AI for stuff like this? So, hey, my future wife and I want to talk about finances in a relationship. Give me 15, like, belief the surface questions that we could ask each other on our next date. And while AI is not Jesus and there might be some that don't work, I think there's going to be some really insightful questions, you know, taken from all the counseling websites online that are going to get past those, like surface conversations and help you connect in a pretty profound way. Laura Dugger: (8:43 - 9:05) I love that questions. We joke that that's my love language. So, any ideas for how to get more of those? I think that's great. And you also write that seeking God together is the most important habit that a newlywed couple can build. So, what does this actually look like to build this keystone habit in a busy household? Mike Novotny: (9:06 - 11:24) Yeah. Yeah. So, Kim and I met back…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    Sex Talk with Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner (Episode 301) Oct 05, 2026
    Show notes

    *Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message.* Sex Talk with Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner (Episode 301) 1 Corinthians 7:3 NIV “The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.” *Transcription Below* Thank you to our sponsor: WinShape Marriage Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner are best known for their pioneer work in encouraging people of all faiths to connect their sexuality with their belief system ─ helping them embrace sex as good and of God. Dr. Clifford is a licensed clinical psychologist and Joyce is a registered nurse and clinical nurse specialist. They are highly respected authors and speakers, in addition to being parents and grandparents. Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner’s Website At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking toAmazon.com and affiliated sites. Books By Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner: Enjoy! The Gift of Sexual Pleasure for Women The Married Guy's Guide to Great Sex Restoring the Pleasure The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment Sex FAQ We Didn’t Have Time to Cover Today Information on Pelvic Pain Questions and Topics We Cover: What ongoing conversations do you recommend married couples discuss about sex? How do you work with couples to move from inhibition in the bedroom to freedom? For married couples with the highest ratings for marital and sexual satisfaction, what are they doing right? Previous Savvy Sauce Episodes with Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner: Easy Changes to Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage With Christian Sex Therapist Pioneers, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner (Episode 7) Maximizing Sexual Intimacy During the 3 Most Challenging Seasons in Marriage with Christian Sex Therapist Pioneers, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner (Episode 63) Maximizing Sexual Connection as Newlyweds to Long Term Marriages and Recovering from a Sexless Marriage with Dr. Clifford & Joyce Penner (Episode 252) Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:00 – 0:09) Laura Dugger: (0:12 - 1:48) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware of before you listen to this message. I'm thrilled to introduce you to our sponsor, WinShape Marriage. Their weekend marriage retreats will strengthen your marriage while you enjoy the gorgeous settings, delicious food, and quality time with your spouse. To find out more, visit them online at winshapemarriage.org/savvy. Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner are my very popular returning guests for today. They are pioneers with Christian sex therapy, and so we've had many discussions in the past related to various topics of sexual intimacy. So, I'll make sure and put links in the show notes, so after this episode you can just simply click on one of those and hear all of their previous wisdom shared. But today we're going to be discussing things more like the effects of stress that it has on our sex life, how we have healthy negotiation around sexual intimacy in marriage, and even ways that our nervous system impacts our sexual intimacy. Here's our chat. Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Cliff and Joyce. Well, it's great to be back. Joyce Penner: (1:48 - 1:52) We always enjoy this time with you, so we're looking forward to it. Laura Dugger: (1:53 - 2:13) Likewise, I, goodness gracious, get so excited to speak with the two of you, and we'll just dive right in because you've been on previously to discuss so many things, but I'm wondering if you'll share what are sexual similarities and differences for men and women that would be helpful for all of us to know? Dr. Clifford Penner: (2:13 - 2:40) Well, it's interesting, when the Sex and the Brain research came out, I think it was published about 2007, it talked about differences, but most recently the research is showing that when they look at the different brains of a male and a female, there's really difficult to tell that there's much difference, but experientially, there are differences. Joyce Penner: (2:41 - 3:01) For example, for a couple that has not had sex for a long time, days, weeks, even months, it's often very difficult then for the woman to get interested, whereas the man is usually much more eager. It takes a woman longer to get into it, the longer it's been since the last time. Dr. Clifford Penner: (3:02 - 3:44) And that's why we encourage couples to be intentional about their sexual relationship and schedule time for each other, even if they don't feel like it, just because if it's long between each sexual experience or between getting release, women and men go in the opposite direction. The longer it is, the less interested, typically, a woman is. It's harder to get into it. It's like she's kind of shut down that part of herself. That can be true for men, too. But more often, for men, the longer it is, the more eager they are, the more anxious they get, and the more... Joyce Penner: (3:44 - 3:55) The more it becomes about the sexual experience, not so much about the relationship. Right. Another one of the differences is that... Dr. Clifford Penner: (3:56 - 4:07) have more pressure for the excitement phase, the arousal, because you can't have sex without an erection, but you can have sex without vaginal lubrication, because you can use a lubricant. Joyce Penner: (4:08 - 4:32) But because women are often more in the passive role, they have more difficulty getting with the orgasm part of the experience, because you have to be active in going after it. And that doesn't work as well. So that's why we talk about men having difficulty getting aroused, and women having difficulty having an orgasm. Dr. Clifford Penner: (4:32 - 6:09) And this might be a good time to talk about the nervous system and how it affects, because the first part of a sexual experience, when we're getting aroused, is controlled by the passive side of our involuntary nervous system. The whole sexual experience is controlled by an automatic or automated or involuntary nervous system, not the voluntary. You know, the voluntary controls our muscles and what we do with our actions. But our body's response, like our heart beating and blood pressure and all that, is involuntary. And so, the parasympathetic nervous system is the relaxed side of our involuntary nervous system. And that's what's dominant when we're getting aroused. And since women tend to be more passive, that seems to be easier for them than it is for men, especially if they're anxious and they're interfering with that involuntary nervous system. Whereas women, as we move from arousal to release, we have to switch from the passive to the active, the sympathetic nervous system. And so, if we don't make that switch, we often get stuck right before we're going to go over the hill, it feels like, you know, right before that active side. So, we encourage women to get more active and men to get more passive. But that's a difference. Joyce Penner: (6:10 - 6:38) And then we would say there's one biblical difference also, and that is that the Bible talks about the man, the husband loving his wife like Christ, love the church, in fact, giving himself up for her. And in the Song of Solomon, it talks about the woman going after the experience and being the one inviting him. So, it's really the opposite of the way it's talked about in society. Dr. Clifford Penner: (6:39 - 7:04) Right. That the man's role is to get with his wife where she is rather than her pleasing him. And she's going to actually please him more when she gets with her own sexuality and shares it with him. And men will often say, well, that isn't quite fair. I'm good at getting with my own sexuality and sharing it with her. Why do I have to get with her? Joyce Penner: (7:04 - 7:23) But the fact is that if he does get with her, there's nothing that makes a man feel more fulfilled than a responsive, interested woman. And so, when he does get with her and she joins the party, that's rewarding for him, too. Laura Dugger: (7:25 - 7:43) That is all so fascinating. And to get specific, then talking about the nervous system, do you have any specific examples or ways that for the man that he can intentionally become more passive and for the woman to intentionally become more active in that moment? Dr. Clifford Penner: (7:43 - 8:15) Absolutely. Yes. And this is hard, particularly when we have exercises in our book, Restoring the Pleasure. And it starts with training them in that regard to be able to just relax and give a face or foot and hand caress or a back rub or something that just relaxes. And that when they're in a sexual experience, that she be more active with her body and with her touching and he be more passive. Joyce Penner: (8:15 - 8:46) For example, men often want to immediately go to the exciting parts of the body, breast stimulation, clitoral stimulation, that kind of thing. And that usually happens. It happens too fast for the woman. And so, staying away from the hot spots for a while until she is ready for that is the main way that you can train a man. A man can train himself to back off from that intensity. Laura Dugger: (8:48 - 9:02) That is really good. And then as the two of you have traveled the globe for many years and you've been discussing the topic of sex, do you find that culturally we're more alike or different there? Joyce Penner: (9:02 - 9:12) Well, there are many, many ways in which the primary issues that people deal with are true everywhere. But there are some very specific cultural differences. Dr. Clifford Penner: (9:13 - 9:19) And that's been kind of eye opening to us in our traveling and speaking to different groups. Joyce Penner: (9:19 - 9:37) For example, in cultures where there is a male dominant kind of perspective. In fact, we were we were in Mexico giving a lecture to about 800 people from the Seventh Day Adventist Church. Dr. Clifford Penner: (9:37 - 9:48) They train family counselors that are, you know, lay people in the church who are available to help. And so, we were training these counselors. Joyce Penner: (9:48 - 10:08) And we were translated into Spanish from what we were saying. And we knew from the message that we were getting from the audience that that he was trans, the man who was translating for us was translating it into a male dominant system rather than an egalitarian mutual system. And so, we had to keep changing it. Dr. Clifford Penner: (10:09 - 10:47) And staying in a different way to try to get the message across. And then when we were in Jakarta, Indonesia, and you know what's happened is a broader impact on us is standing back and trying to look at how are we interpreting scripture through our cultural lens, because it was interesting because we were dealing with we weren't talking to Muslims. We were talking to Christians group. But they had adopted and incorporated into their belief system many of the Muslim restrictions. Joyce Penner: (10:48 - 11:01) Because they're in a Muslim culture so that it's part of the culture as a whole, not just the Muslim culture, but the Christian culture as well. And so, we had to kind of deal with that. Dr. Clifford Penner: (11:02 - 11:14) And we've even experienced that when couples come to us here that are from another culture and how we work with them. We have to come at it a different way and re-understand. Joyce Penner: (11:14 - 11:22) For example, in some cultures, passionate kissing is just not a part of the experience. And so. Dr. Clifford Penner: (11:23 - 11:34) And we really promote passionate kissing because that's what gets the dopamine going and the brain chemicals that gives us a little excitement in our sex life. Joyce Penner: (11:34 - 11:50) And while it could be a stereotype, we see that more in Asian cultures, particularly Chinese, where the passionate kissing is not seen as so much a part of the sexual experience. And so those are some of the kind of differences. Dr. Clifford Penner: (11:51 - 12:26) Yeah, that one we experienced in Singapore when we were talking, teaching and training. And they said, we don't do that here. You know, we don't we don't do th…

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    Power of Praying Scriptures Over Your Marriage: Special Patreon Release with Jodie Berndt Sep 28, 2026
    Show notes

    Power of Praying Scriptures over your Marriage: Special Patreon Release with Jodie Berndt 1 Thessalonians 3:12 (NIV) "May the Lord make your love increase and overflow for each other and for everyone else, just as ours does for you." *Transcription Below* Jodie Berndt is bestselling author of the Praying the Scriptures book series, which includes volumes for Children, Teens, Adult Children, and Life, plus the new Praying the Scriptures for Your Marriage (2023). Jodie has been a trusted speaker, Bible teacher, and prayer warrior for over thirty years. She and her husband, Robbie, have four married children, and they live in Virginia Beach, Virginia. Connect with Jodie through her website or Instagram. Questions and Topics We Discuss: What are some ancient truths from Scripture that stand out to you, specifically as it relates to marriage? Will you share a few of the helpful questions for couples that you write in the book? How have you seen kindness open the door to changes in a marriage? Thank You to Our Sponsors: Chick-fil-A East Peoria and The Savvy Sauce Charities (and donate online here) Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:00 – 0:09) Laura Dugger: (0:10 - 2:47) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. I want to say a huge thank you to today's sponsors for this episode, Chick-fil-A East Peoria and Savvy Sauce Charities. If this is your first time here, welcome! You may be wondering what it means to have a special Patreon release. So, here's the scoop. Patreon was a platform we used to generate financial support for The Savvy Sauce, and we expressed our thanks to those paying patrons by giving them a bonus episode every month. But, in 2024, we transitioned away from Patreon when we became a non-profit called Savvy Sauce Charities. The podcast is part of this non-profit, which exists to resource loved ones to inspire growth and intimacy with God and others. So, people used to pay to support us through Patreon, but now they can just donate directly to our non-profit. We spend thousands of dollars each year to record and produce these episodes, and we do pray that they're beneficial and that God sees fit to use them to be transformational in your life. If that is the case, if you have ever benefited from an episode of The Savvy Sauce, would you consider showing your gratitude through your financial generosity? Any amount is greatly appreciated. In fact, if every listener gave only $1 per month, it would completely offset our costs. We have all the details on our website, thesavvysauce.com, but feel free to also reach out to our team anytime if you want to partner together. Our email address is info@thesavvysauce.com. And now I'm pleased to share this episode with you that used to only be available to paying patrons. Jodie Berndt is my guest today. She is the bestselling author of the Praying the Scriptures book series, and today we're going to focus on the powerful way to pray the scriptures for our marriage. And I just want to give you a heads up that you may hear a lot of airplanes in the background during our conversation, but I hope it doesn't take away from all the goodness Jodie is about to share. Here's our chat. Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Jodie. Jodie Berndt: (2:49 - 2:53) Laura, thank you. It is just a huge treat to be able to chat with you today. Laura Dugger: (2:54 - 2:59) Well, will you begin by just first telling us a bit about yourself and the work that you get to do? Jodie Berndt: (3:01 - 4:19) Sure. Yes. Well, like you, I have four children. Mine are grown now, though. I have three daughters and then a son at the end, and they're all adults and married and having kids of their own. I met my husband back when we were in college. We both went to the University of Virginia and got married right after college, kind of jumped into the whole marriage and family thing. By today's standards, it seems ridiculously young. I look back and I think I don't know what we were thinking. But as Robbie, my husband says, when you meet the person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to start right now. And I think we both kind of felt that way. And so, we've been married now, I guess, nearly 38 years. Your listeners may know that I write books. I write the Praying the Scriptures books. I've done others as well. But those are the ones that I am primarily focused on now. Praying the Scriptures for Your Children, your teens, your adult children, your life, because we needed ourselves too. And then most recently, Praying the Scriptures for Your Marriage. So, I never set out to become a prayer writer or even a book writer. But golly, I have realized the power of prayer and my desperate need for God's help in all things. So, I think it sort of fell backwards into it. And it's been a fun journey. Laura Dugger: (4:20 - 4:37) Well, and I first encountered that book that you mentioned, Praying the Scriptures for Your Children, when I was a new mom, and it was so powerful. So, when you look back to that one, what are some of the stories or takeaways that really stand out from that resource? Jodie Berndt: (4:38 - 9:31) Oh, gosh. Well, thank you for asking about that one. That was a book that was sort of born, as I said, out of my own need for the Lord, because nothing reveals your flaws and inadequacies and need for help beyond yourself as much as having children does. At least for me, that was the case. I'd grown up in a Christian home. Prayer was a natural part of life for me but not sort of the specific intentional prayers and not praying the scriptures. And for anybody who doesn't know what that means, it just means taking the words that we read in the Bible, the things that God actually says to us there and using them to shape how we think about things, how we long for things, kind of creating our desires as based on what we read and then animating our prayers so that, as Jesus says in John 15, he looks at his disciples, he's getting ready to go to the cross, and you think of all the things he could have talked about. He chose to drill down on staying connected to him primarily through our prayers. He says, "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you want and it will be done for you." And then he explains why. He says, "This is to my Father's glory that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples." And I think I read that chapter in those specific verses, probably a hundred times over my life without fully comprehending what he was talking about there. And I think what he's talking about is that as we abide in him, as we remain in him, as we stay connected day in and day out, whether we're doing the laundry or running a carpool or anything else, we can allow the things we read in the Bible to shape our thoughts, shape our longings, and then give voice to our prayers. And when we do that, that really is the secret to living a difference-making, transformational, impactful life, to bearing fruit. I loved being able to kind of look back over a 20-year history. And the stories in that book, in all my books, are real-life people who have real-life struggles and real-life prayers. And some of them have very happy endings. Some of them are still being played out. All of them represent times when we're having to trust God. And as I looked back over 20 years of praying parents and watched these families, where when I first was interviewing the mom or the dad, their kids might be five or seven or ten years old. And now, you know, these kids are in their 30s, some of them. And I'm like, wow, God, you know, it's like watching hair grow sometimes when we're praying and we don't see the needle moving. But with the perspective of history and time, you can see how God works. And so that was a huge blessing to me that I didn't expect when I went back and re-read the book and updated the book to be able to see what God has done. And one particular chapter that I loved in that book was the chapter on praying for your child to promote God's kingdom. And there's a story in there about two little second grade boys, Brandon and Eddie. And I was part of a moms in prayer group at the time. And we were praying a verse, Ephesians 5:16, that our kids would make the most of every opportunity, that they would be wise in the way they live. We really didn't know how God would answer that prayer. But what parent doesn't want their child to be wise in the way they live and to make the most of the opportunities? Well, sure enough, we prayed that prayer. And two weeks later, one of the moms in our group came in and told the most jaw-droppingly beautiful story of how her son, a second grader, as part of an in-class assignment, had chosen to write a persuasive essay. And you can imagine what a second-grade essay looks like. But most of the kids in the class thought, I'm going to persuade my grandmother to give me a bicycle or I'm going to persuade my mom to let me stay up late and watch a TV show, whatever it is. This child chose to write to one of his classmates, who had been known as a real troublemaker in that class and in the school, about why he should accept Jesus as the Lord of his life. And he put these 10 points, things like, you know, God loves you. Jesus loves you. You can have anything you want in heaven. Just is a second grader's viewpoint. And I'm telling you what, I did that interview and wrote that story 20 some years ago. And still today, as I look back on that child and again, getting to watch him grow up, he's now a father with children of his own. And seeing how God has worked in that child's life in answer to that Ephesians 5 prayer that our child will be wise, making the most of every opportunity. I'm just dumbfounded. First, by how God answered that in a second grader's life and how he's continued to have the answer to that prayer unfold over this young man's life as he's grown. It's just we never can know when we pray what God will do. Laura Dugger: (9:33 - 9:53) Absolutely. Because the fruit looks so different than the seed. And that's incredible to have that gift of perspective. But now with your newest title, Praying the Scriptures for Your Marriage, first of all, how do you even respond to someone if they ask you, why does prayer matter in marriage? Jodie Berndt: (9:54 - 12:29) Yeah, well, that's actually a question that I get more than you would think. And especially from people who aren't super comfortable praying. Because a lot of us, even if we've grown up in church-going Christian homes, the idea of praying with our spouse just might not come naturally. And even for Robbie and me. But I'll tell you one of the reasons we want to do it is because prayer really does matter. As I jumped into writing this book, I started doing some research and secular research points to all of these benefits that it reinforces the idea of prayer does that you're on the same team. Psychologists have found that prayer increases a sense of satisfaction in your relationship. It heightens your own sense of emotional well-being. If you're mad, it gives you a chance to calm down. It can lower your blood pressure. And there have even been studies done that shows that when couples pray together, it even leads to better sex. And so, you get all of these things that are completely separate from maybe the spiritual side of why God would want us to pray. This is just the secular research. But when you take it a step further and look at why God wants us to pray, oh, my goodness. You know, it opens the door to intimacy, both with ourselves and with the Lord, because honestly, it's being vulnerable, isn't it? When we pray, you know, that is asking God for help. That's acknowledging our dependence on him, admitting we can't always be kind or selfless or forgiving on our own. And, you know, I don't know any husbands or wives who can do those things because we're all inherently flawed. We're broken. We're selfish people. And we can kind of start to shrivel up under what pressure to just get it all right, you know, to be a good wife, to be a good husband. And we can feel like we're failing. And yet, when we realize that through prayer, we've got this vehicle of inviting God into the mix, into our relationship, of letting the Holy S…

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    Oral Sex, Frequency, Desire, and Other Topics Couples Negotiate in Marriage: An Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma (Episode 300) Sep 21, 2026
    Show notes

    Oral Sex, Frequency, Desire, and Other Topics Couples Negotiate in Marriage: An Interview with Dr. Michael Sytsma (Episode 300) *Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message.* Deuteronomy 30:19 + 20 “This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live 20and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.” *Transcription Below* Dr. Michael Sytsma has been working with couples in a variety of capacities since 1987. He is a licensed professional counselor in the state of Georgia, a Certified Sex Therapist, and a Certified Professional Counseling Supervisor. He is also an ordained minister with The Wesleyan Church and has served as a staff pastor for churches with attendance from 30 to over 1,000. He is currently appointed to Building Intimate Marriages, Inc. by The Wesleyan Church, where he provides marriage and sex therapy and training to other professionals. Michael also cofounded Sexual Wholeness, Inc., a Christian non-profit dedicated to training, equipping, and certifying professionals in human sexuality. After earning a Bachelor of Science in Christian Ministry from Indiana Wesleyan University, Michael went on to receive a master’s degree in community counseling from Georgia State University and a diploma in Christian counseling from Psychological Studies Institute. He subsequently earned a Ph.D. from the University of Georgia in Child and Family Development/Marriage and Family Therapy, where he specialized in marital sexual therapy. His dissertation topic was “Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Married Couples.” Building Intimate Marriages Secrets of Sex and Marriage Thank You to Our Sponsor: WinShape Marriage Questions and Topics We Cover: What habits do you see drawing married couples closer together and also what behaviors or mindsets are pulling them apart? What are the different types of desire discrepancy? Can you share what the Bible says about oral sex and also share research findings? Previous Savvy Sauce Episodes with Dr Mike: Ten Common Questions About Sex Enjoying a God-honoring, Healthy Sex Life with Your Spouse Remaining Sexually Engaged Through The Years with Dr. Michael Sytsma Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Marriage Secrets of Sex and Marriage Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:00 – 0:09) Laura Dugger: (0:12 - 1:47) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. I'm thrilled to introduce you to our sponsor, WinShape Marriage. Their weekend marriage retreats will strengthen your marriage while you enjoy the gorgeous setting, delicious food, and quality time with your spouse. To find out more, visit them online at winshapemarriage.org/savvy. Today, I get to bring back our most repeated guest, Dr. Michael Sytsma. Our show notes are going to have links back to all of his previous episodes on The Savvy Sauce, and you're going to find out why he is invited back so frequently. Dr. Sytsma is a Christian sex therapist, an author, a counseling supervisor, and ordained minister. With a pastoral heart, a gift in teaching, and a passion for helping couples grow in marriage, Dr. Sytsma is the perfect guest for today to discuss these sensitive and sacred topics related to sexual intimacy in marriage. Here's our chat. Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Dr. Mike. Dr. Michael Sytsma: (1:47 - 1:52) Thank you so much. It's such an honor. It's always a joy to be with you and to talk through this. Laura Dugger: (1:52 - 2:19) Well, I'm always looking forward to these conversations. And I just want to begin with a broad overview where we can discuss both relationship builders and some of the sneaky relationship retractors. So, what habits do you see drawing married couples closer together? And then also, what are the behaviors and mindsets that are pulling them apart? Dr. Michael Sytsma: (2:21 - 5:57) So, when I sit with couples, obviously the bulk of the couples that I work with are those that are struggling or wanting things to be better. So that may be a bit of a skewed. The couples that come into workshops even are often aware that something's not quite how they want it to be. And so, watching to see what makes a difference, exactly what you're asking. And one of the biggest things I see is just the intentionality of couples that are doing well. I think many times our culture tends to say that if you've picked the right person, if everything is going well, it'll be easy and everything will just flow well. And I find that amusing because it doesn't work in any other area of life. In our finances, we have to be disciplined with them. In parenting, we have to be disciplined with it. In our own health and exercise and what we eat. If we just ate whatever we wanted, I don't think things would be good. If we waited to feel to eat healthy, I don't think we would eat healthy. And yet couples almost have this idea that you need to desire, you need to feel the urges to do what's healthy in the marriage. And those that wait for it and wait for their spouse to do it, they tend to get irritated and disillusioned and start to see each other negatively and pull apart versus those that sit down and develop a vision. Here's who we want to be as a couple. Here's who I want to be as a husband. Here's who I want to be as a wife. And we begin to lock ourselves into who we're becoming and who we're becoming as a couple and then live intentionally towards that. I see those couples do so much better. Part of it is, you know, if you say to your husband, here's who I want to be as a wife. And he believes that. He believes that's your heart. Then the day that you get up, and I'm sure this never happens to you, but the day you get up and you're just not in a good mood, you know, the kids kept you awake at night or you didn't eat something that was good for you. You wake up and you're not in a mood. He can extend a ton of grace because he knows you're not satisfied with yourself. He knows that you're not going to like who you are right now and you're not going to tolerate that very long. So, he doesn't have to step in and try to control you, to manipulate you, to make you to be who he wants you to be. He can step back and extend grace knowing that you're probably going to come to him later that day or tomorrow and go, sorry, I wasn't in a good mood yesterday. It was probably tough to live with. And he knows you will reset and the same for him. If he has a rough day and he doesn't treat you with the cherishing care that you know he wants to be, then you kind of step back and we'll give him a little bit of space. He'll figure it out. And he does. And he resets and he comes back and you make intentional steps towards that vision that you guys have co-created. Those couples tend to do really well. And I see those steps being a little different for different couples because their vision might be slightly different. But the consistent patterns and habits that I see are establishing that vision, locking into it and trusting that you'll do your work and I'm going to do mine. And we're intentional in moving forward with it. Laura Dugger: (5:58 - 6:20) Okay. So, I'm kind of hearing start with the end in mind, get on the same page with the conversation of what our vision is. And then intentionally, it sounds like pre-deciding before you're waiting for these feelings to come up to even pre-decide practical things of how often do we want to come together? What do we want that to look like? So, am I hearing that right? Dr. Michael Sytsma: (6:20 - 9:28) Yep, very much so. And obviously there's a lot that's wrapped in it. Couples have to be able to communicate effectively, you know, hear and be heard to be able to sit down and sort through who do I want to be? Because usually a few years into marriage, we're starting to ascribe motivation and desire to our spouse that's not fully accurate. And we begin to define them different than they see themselves to be able to hear that, to be able to figure out who do I want to be? How do I work with the personality that I have? Mike works in idiosyncrasies and who's the best person that I can become? And then to be able to share that with each other. So many couples don't sit down and really talk through. As you know, sex therapy is my primary research and interest area. And so, working a lot with couples that most of the couples I work with have never shared their vision for what they want their sex life to look like. They might've argued about frequency or certain behaviors, but they've never really shared vision. And most when I challenged them to don't have a clue of themselves really how to articulate what they want. So once that vision has been discussed and talked about, then yes, they can start to sort through, well, how do we get there? And can we give ourselves permission for some time? I told a couple of you yesterday, guys, this is going to take decades to get to where you want to be. And you get to see his face. I said, this doesn't mean that we wait decades till we get there, but you've created a really beautiful vision and nobody can do that overnight. You're going to have to regularly work at it. And you're right. That intentionality of what are we going to do? I tell couples my recipe is 15 minutes of connect time every day where you're leaning into each other. How are you doing? Really? What's going on? And then a one hour a week, a business meeting, I call it a working date where we sit down, we do the business of marriage. Just being intentional in how do we do this? Well, at least every other week to do a fun date where we are just going and playing together. We're not trying to work on anything. We're not talking about anything difficult. We're playing together. And then once a year, some kind of a continuing ed for their marriage, whether that be some marriage therapy, a retreat, a workshop, going through a sermon series and talking about it, reading a book together, something that gets them to really focus back on how are we doing and how do we make this better? Those are all intentional things that have to be done on a regular basis. Couples who make those, like you say, early decisions and then work to consistently follow through on them. Not perfectly, but consistently following through. Laura Dugger: (9:30 - 10:08) I love that because the fruit of it is so enjoyable then to be married to one another if you've got this intentional relationship rather than the other option is for it to really overflow into all areas of life and be difficult. But you're clearly a world-leading Christian sex therapist, so I'm very eager to hear your insight on this as well. What would you say is the current trend for trouble areas with sex and intimacy that you're seeing with your clients or people that you meet through traveling the world to speak? Dr. Michael Sytsma: (10:11 - 12:58) Obviously, some of the standards that have been a part of human culture, especially my area of interest, is desire discrepancy. Whether that be husbands and wives who desire different frequencies, who desire different practices, who desire a different tone. I want wild and crazy and you want soft and nurturing. The differing desires are a primary area of conflict for couples. Because if you're not doing what I want, my natural instinct is to lean in and start to make you be that way. And humans don't tend to do well with pressure, so it tends to shut things down and then it spins out. So that's always an ongoing one, but that's also being my primary area of research and focus, one that I see a lot just in looking. But one that the research seems to be showing that is a bit disturbing, and we've got theories behind what's going on, but we're seeing a decrease in sexual frequency amongst couples, a decrease in couples connecting. Whether that be connecting centrally, nurturing kind of touch, you know, the tender hugs and kisses, car…

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    Professional Organizer Helps Declutter Organize and Beautify Your Home and Your Life an Interview with Nikki Boyd (Episode 299) Sep 14, 2026
    Show notes

    Professional Organizer Helps Declutter Organize and Beautify Your Home and Your Life an Interview with Nikki Boyd (Episode 299) Ecclesiastes 5:13 AMP “There is a grievous evil which I have seen under the sun: riches being kept and hoarded by their owner to his own misery.” *Transcription Below* Nikki Boyd is a professional organizer, author of the Beautifully Organized series, and founder of the At Home With Nikki brand. Known for her elegant yet practical approach to organization, she inspires women to create homes that feel calm, beautiful, and intentionally lived in. Through her books, courses, and social media presence, Nikki shares simple, thoughtful systems that help people simplify their spaces and live more intentionally each day. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, Real Simple, and House Beautiful. LOOKING FOR HELP WITH YOUR LIFE? VISIT OUR WEBSITE | SUBSCRIBE OUR CHANNEL | JOIN OUR MASTER COURSE Ready to get organized? SCHEDULE A VIRTUAL SESSION Grab the books: The Beautifully Organized Series Connect with Nikki on social: Instagram | Facebook | TikTok Thank You to Our Sponsor: The Sue Neihouser Team Questions and Topics We Cover: Where do your clients typically feel most overwhelmed and what is your process for eventually leading them to experience more peace? Can you give us the best place to begin decluttering today? What is the best way to begin both decluttering and organizing kid spaces in our homes? Related Savvy Sauce Episodes: Relationships and Opportunities that Arise from Using Your Gifts with Founder of Neighbor’s Table, Sarah Harmeyer, Episode 47 Best Cleaning Tips from Clean Mama, Becky Rapinchuk, Episode 128 Experiencing Joy, Nourishment, and Connection at the Table with Abby Turner, Episode 168 Making Your Home a Place of Love and Peace: Special Patreon Re-Release with Devi Titus Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:00 – 0:09) Laura Dugger: (0:12 - 1:49) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. Thank you to the Sue Neihouser Team for sponsoring this episode. If you're looking to buy or sell a home this season, make sure you reach out to Sue at 309-229-8831. Sue would love to walk alongside you as you unlock new doors. I am so excited to get to host my guest for today, Nikki Boyd. Nikki is a professional organizer and also a prolific author. If you can see all of these resources, this is part of the Beautifully Organized series. Nikki is also the founder of At Home with Nikki brand. She is known for her elegant yet practical approach to organization, and she inspires women especially to create homes where they feel calm, beautiful, and intentionally lived in. She's going to share more of that with us today. Here's our chat. Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Nikki. Nikki Boyd: Hi, I'm so glad to be here. Excited to be here. Laura Dugger: Well, I'm delighted to get a chat with you, and I have to say your career absolutely fascinates me. So, will you share your path to getting to do the work that you get to do today? Nikki Boyd: (1:49 - 7:21) Absolutely. It was very unexpected because a little secret, well, it's not a secret because I've been talking about ever since I've written my books, but I was a very messy child. So, as a child, you would have thought I would be doing what I do now. And so, it really was unexpected in the fact that I was a military spouse, just traveling around the world, supporting my husband in his dreams of being in the military and doing what he does. And depending on where we were, I would work different jobs. So, I have a very colorful work history and oftentimes frustrated by the fact of not being able to have a career and feeling like I want a career. But it's funny how God works, and that's why we have to be patient, and we have to have faith because every last job that he provided added to my career today. And it was a necessity, and I didn't see that back then. And so, when he retired, he was like you supported me all these years. Now, it's time for me to do that in whatever your dream is of what you wanted to do. I had no idea what it was. I didn't know. I was like, what? I mean, I think I was right at 40 at the time, and I was like, okay, what is it I'm supposed to do? I'm trying to find myself at 40. And so, I remember when we lived in England, I had went over a lady's house, and I had met for the first time, and she was having like this crafting party. And we went into a room in her home, and I had the best day. And she had, I believe it was 10 kids. They were a family of 10, yes. But it was the most peaceful environment. We sat there all day and crafted, heard no kids, had a beautiful time. When she was there, she was telling me back, this was years ago when YouTube wasn't a thing. And she was telling me about how, yeah, I like to film my crafts, and I put them on YouTube. And I was like, what is YouTube? Never thought anymore about it. When we moved back to the States, I remembered just that experience. And I remember her saying the YouTube thing. And so, when I was trying to figure out what I was going to do, I said, you know what? Let me look into this. And just, I started filming myself, just doing whatever I was doing around my house. And then, the only person watching was my mom. Then over time, she said, put that there, put it out there. And I did. No one watched for the longest time, but I just enjoyed the process of feeling like I had that friend girl by my side in my home, as I went and organized and did the different things. And by this point, my home was my everything as far as providing for my family, a beautiful environment when they came home, and just being able to have a home that served others. And so, it just started trickling from then. People started watching. I started building a brand. And then, 2017 opened the doors to my professional organizing business, then started writing the books, five books in now on a Beautifully Organized series. And even during that journey, I questioned God about it, because I would say I was about three years in where I wasn't really doing anything but filming. And I was like, Lord, this is not what I'm supposed to be doing. This is not a career. This is not... And I was battling with that. And I remember one night, I was in my bed and I couldn't sleep. And so, I got up and I got on my computer, and I had an email from a lady overseas. And she said, I just want to let you know that I got out of my bed for the first time in two years, because I lost my husband. I have three little ones. And I was just laying in my bed for two years, just numb. And I started watching your videos. And today, I got... You can imagine, I was tears. She said, “I got out of my bed for the first time. I organized my fridge. I set spaces for my kids' lunch. And I went out and bought me a teacup just for myself. And that to me was the first sign that God gave me that, Nikki, this does have purpose. And so, I went on from that, and I just kept trucking along. And then as human as I am, a few years later, I questioned God again. I wasn't satisfied. And I was like, okay, God, yeah, I know, but I don't feel... I'm not feeling it. And he sent me another sign. I used to love covering. I used to love covering my Bible, making Bible covers. And so, I made a Bible cover on my YouTube channel. I was like, okay, I'm going to give away a Bible. We're doing a giveaway for a Bible. And so, I did the giveaway, just randomly picking someone, doing the thing. And then I mailed off the Bible. And I got a message from a lady, and she said, my goal when I got off work was to come home and to commit suicide. When I came home, your Bible was... I cry every time I tell the story. When I came home, the Bible that was on my doorstep, and I knew that was a sign from God that, hold on, hold on, keep going. And then I told the Lord from there, okay, I'm not questioning you anymore. This is the journey that I'm supposed to be on. And from that point, I just settled into it and grew from there. And that's what I do now. Laura Dugger: (7:22 - 7:44) Wow. We got tears in my eyes from that story as well. Praise the Lord that you waited on Him, and you were still faithful in that journey, even when He wasn't showing you the whole path. But as a Jesus follower, Nikki, why do you think it is a worthy goal to pursue having a beautifully organized home? Nikki Boyd: (7:45 - 9:48) Because that's how we serve others. That's how we do His work. That's how, not only when I say serve others, it's serving our family, along with our church, our community. When we establish an environment where we can welcome people in, or even if they're not coming into our home, where we're able to be in a spirit to where we can serve others outside the home. My kitchen is not chaotic, so I can make those cupcakes that I can take to church on Sunday, or I feel motivated and rejuvenated. I always say our home is our rejuvenation space. It's a space we come to to rejuvenate, and so that we can do the work we need to do when we walk outside those doors. And so, it just feeds so many things, along with it saves us time, it saves us money, it saves us from stress. And our God's an orderly God, and so we look to Him for that inspiration. I always share too, is the first time when we open the Bible, we look at creation, and we see how He's the ultimate designer, and how He's so meticulous, and He's so thoughtful. And so, when I'm organizing my home, or decorating my home, I'm thinking like God did when He was creating the earth. He really took time and thought, and He rested Him. It was very intentional. And so that's a lot of how I like to approach our home, and how we set up systems, and how we work through the space. Because when you have a home that is in chaos, and when you have a home that just is overwhelmed with stuff, you're really just taken away from your family, taken away for yourself. I know I bought a wooden spoon. I know I got a wooden spoon here. Where's that wooden spoon? But then you have to go out and buy another wooden spoon when it's already been provided. Mm-hmm. Laura Dugger: (9:48 - 10:05) So well said. And so, from your years of experience, where do your clients typically feel most overwhelmed? And then what is your process for eventually leading them into a place where they're getting to experience more peace? Nikki Boyd: (10:06 - 11:38) So, a lot of spaces that clients are overwhelmed by, garages are big. The shoes at the entryway door, I hear that a lot, especially with families. You come in and the first thing, I always say your entryway is your first impression space. That's the first experience someone has when they walk into your home. And so, a pile of shoes is not the most engaging. And so that's a lot in the kitchen. The kitchen is a big... I guess there's a lot of places. Closets are big. Closets for my ladies, they're big. And so how I usually advise people is we have to start small. If you look at everything, the whole thing, you can get overwhelmed and your motivation can just diminish. So, I say, get those small wins in. Okay. So, we're at the entryway. Maybe just start with one thing. I always say, I like to use my senses to put things together. And so, I say, okay, how can I incorporate my five senses into the entryway? What I see, what I feel, what I smell. And just start with one thing. It may be the entryway table, the top of it. Okay. I'm going to take everything off of that. And I'm going to reset that today. I have that small win and then build on it. Tomorrow, it may be the shoes. Okay. The shoes. I'm going to create a system for the shoes. And the small wins is what equals the big... You know the story of the tortoise and the hare where you run that... You don't run that fast race with organization. You run the small race. Take your time. Yeah. Laura Dugger: (11:39 - 11:57) Okay. That's helpful. So, when we're taking our time, do you even have a specific time limit? If somebody is just an average person with the average amount of stuff, if they want it top to bottom, their ideal home, is there a regular amount of time that that takes? Nikki Boyd: (11:57 - 13:50) So, what I like to do, and I do this in my home still to this day, is I assign every room has a month. And so that way I'm very intentional. I'm focused on the whole house. I'm able to be very intentional. So, say the... I always start with the home office in…

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    Generational Blessing, Stories, and Rhythms: Experiencing God in Everyday Life with Brothers, Mike Blackaby and Daniel Blackaby (Episode 298) Sep 07, 2026
    Show notes

    Lamentations 3:25 NLT “The Lord is good to those who depend on him, to those who search for him.” *Transcription Below* Mike Blackaby serves as a church planter in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, where he lives with his wife, Sarah, and their four children. He holds a PhD in Worldview and Apologetics from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He is the author of several books and Bible studies including God, Heroes, and Everyday Dragons, Experiencing God in Everyday Life and Straight to the Heart: Communicating the Gospel in an Emotionally Driven Culture. Listen to his sermons. Daniel Blackaby is the author and co-author of nine books, including Experiencing God in Everyday Life, 7 Steps for Knowing, Doing, and Experiencing the Will of God and God, Heroes, and Everyday Dragons, as well as the imaginative fiction trilogy The Lost City Chronicles. Daniel holds a PhD in Christianity and the Arts and a ThM in Philosophy, Apologetics & Worldview from The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. He speaks on cultural engagement, Christianity and the arts, apologetics and reaching the next generation for Christ. He is the founder of The Collision (thecollision.org), a multimedia ministry designed to help Christians thoughtfully and biblically engage with culture and the arts. Daniel is married to Sarah, and they are the parents of twin boys. Blackaby Website Thank you to our sponsor: Sam Leman Eureka Questions and Topics We Cover: How has faith been strategically passed along in your family to the next generation (and how can we do the same?!) How do your families personally preserve these stories of the generations of faith? Can you tell us more about Spiritual Markers and share how we can use this practice in our family to disciple our children? Related Savvy Sauce Episodes: Brain Science and Spiritual Abundance with Ken Baugh Theology and Discipleship with Ken Baugh Gospel Truth for Salvation and Sanctification with Hunter Beless Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:00 – 0:09) Laura Dugger: (0:09 - 1:45) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. The principles of honesty and integrity that Sam Leman founded his business on continue today, over 55 years later, at Sam Leman Chevrolet Eureka. Owned and operated by the Bertschi family, Sam Leman and Eureka appreciates the support they've received from their customers all over central Illinois and beyond. Visit them today at lemangm.com. Mike and Daniel Blackaby are my guests for today. They come from a long line of incredible generational faith, and so they're going to share some stories about how they've inherited this rich legacy, and then also inspire us to do the same in our families. They also are authors of this recent resource, Experiencing God in Everyday Life. Here's our chat. Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Mike and Daniel. Glad to have both of you joining and would you first mind both introducing yourself and share your connection to Dr. Henry Blackaby, and maybe tell a few stories about his life to illustrate how his legacy has helped shape the heart behind this recent study. Mike Blackaby: (1:46 - 5:00) Sure. My name is Mike Blackaby. I'm the oldest grandson of Henry, so I'm not gonna say that he loved me the most, but he loved me the longest of all of his grandkids, and I remember we lived close to him for a while, and then far, and then close again, so it was interesting being around him when we were teenagers, and then being around him later on as our own children were being born, sort of two significant times in our lives where we lived close, and I just remember when I was a teenager chatting with him about, what am I gonna do with my life? What am I gonna do after high school? You know, like what everybody tries to figure out, and his advice was really just, if you follow God one day at a time, then you'll be exactly where you need to be in 10 years. You don't necessarily have to plan out your whole life. God has a plan, and you trust him today, and you'll end up where you need to be tomorrow, and so I've really taken that advice ever since then, and so I was grateful for that, especially at the time when I was trying to figure out, what am I gonna do with my life after high school graduation? Daniel Blackaby: Yeah, I'm Daniel Blackaby, his second oldest grandchild. He would have probably said his favorite. Yes, second oldest, first favorite, and I live down here in Atlanta, Georgia, actually in the same neighborhood that he lived in. I came on to work for the family ministry, so kind of got to overlap with him the last couple years of his life, which was just a blessing to see him up close. Obviously, we grew up around him at various stages, but just kind of see him finish well, and to have both Mike and I have kids. Our oldest kids are around the same age, and I think one of the memories, I was gonna share the one that Mike just shared, but I think one of the memories that, I don't know, was meaningful for me came near the end, and I actually wasn't even there personally, but the last picture, actually, that was taken of my grandfather before he passed away was actually him with my two, I have twin boys, and my father was gonna be on the road traveling, and he had stopped by, and I was busy doing something, but he took my kids, and they got to spend a bit of time with him, and there's a picture with them kind of by his chair, smiling, and I just sort of had that last moment. I think that's, and then he passed away, I think just a couple days after that, but the last time any of the family got to see him, and for me, it's just such a testimony of his faithfulness. He has his great-grandchildren around him, and being able to be blessed by him, even at the end of his life. He had the opportunity to travel the world, do amazing things, but I think his, for me, his lasting legacy is just the way that he inspired his family, that he lived in such a way that even his great-grandchildren are inspired by his faith, and want to hear more about his story. So even though I wasn't there, that picture of my two kids sort of representing my family has just been a really meaningful one for me. Laura Dugger: (5:01 - 5:12) Such a life well-lived, and I'm so curious, how has faith strategically been passed along in your family from one generation to the next? Mike Blackaby: (5:14 - 10:41) Well, the funny thing is, I don't know that it's always been super strategic. In some ways, I think it's been organic. We didn't always maybe do all the things that you would expect a family to do. We didn't sit down at dinner time and have family devotions and stuff. I think we tried it for a while, and it never really took, but for us, when we watched our parents, both our mom and our dad, and aunts and uncles and grandfather, so many people live out their faith, it was just very real for them. There was never this sense of, I'm just doing this, or that they were different behind the scenes than they were when they were in ministry. We got to see them on stage preaching, but then in the car on a road trip when they're frustrated with us annoying kids in the back, and there was no hypocrisy. It was the same thing, and I think something that's always stood out for me is, so much of our family was in ministry, so not just even in the faith, but in active Christian ministry, and we just never really heard our parents bad talk the church. There was lots of issues. There's always issues, and there's always things that happen, and it didn't mean that they wouldn't call out sin when there was sin, and not that, but this sense of, they always talked positively about God's church and about ministry, and I don't know, I think the more people I talk to, I think maybe that's not super common. I think sometimes people, maybe especially pastor's kids, get turned off of it all because they see behind the scenes how, oh man, this is not good, and my dad, he served these people, but he kind of hated these people or whatever, and we just never really got that sense. It was very personal. It was very consistent. It was very authentic, and it was very positive, even though our dad and mom dealt with issues in ministry, and people are messy, right? You're gonna deal with that anywhere, but they're like, the church is God's plan A, and there is no plan B, and so my whole life, I've tried to be very, very slow to criticize the church in general. A lot of people love to do that. I'm very slow to criticize something that God loves and Christ died for. It's not perfect, and there's issues that need to be pointed out for sure, but we just had a very positive example, I think, growing up, and so for myself at least, I was fearful of stepping into ministry because I was like, I can't preach. I can't get up in front of people, that sort of thing, but I also saw it as a great privilege. I didn't want to do it, but it wasn't because it was a bad thing to do. It was almost because it was such a good thing to do, and I didn't feel like I could or I was worthy of it or whatever, but just a very positive example, and the more people I talked to, the more rare that seems to be the case of people growing up in ministry families. Daniel Blackaby: Yeah, I think too, like Mike said, it wasn't necessarily always strategic as far as super scheduled, or we do this at this day, but I do think strategic is to build on what Mike said as far as just the mindset. Like our family was always very intentional, not just about not bad talking and being negative, but to celebrate where God has done things, like very much a value on just telling the stories of what God has done, either currently of just, hey, this happened today, or else just sharing stories of, hey, have I ever told you the story about your grandpa when he did this, or what God has done in the past, to the point that even like my kids who were, wouldn't have been born until decades and decades after those stories, and never even probably heard them firsthand from my grandfather, or even the generations before their great-great grandfather, know a lot of these stories because they were just, we would tell them, we would share them, we'd celebrate the things that God has done in the past, the things God has done in the present, so I think maybe not strategic as far as, okay, this is our Bible time now, from whatever, 10 to 10:30, but I think very strategic as far as just, we are going to celebrate what God has done, and sort of cultivate a posture of always looking for God's activity, and then not taking it for granted that everyone just sort of knows that, like making sure our whole family knows, this is a God thing, let's talk about it, and so in some ways, I think we probably had more spiritual conversations than we would have, had we sort of been more structured in our Bible study time, because it was very natural to say, when God does something, let's talk about it, and I think for both Mike and I, that's something we've tried to do with our own kids now as they're getting older, is just make sure you, to seize those opportunities to just celebrate when God does, you know, is faithful in our life, and not take it for granted that, you know, ourselves or our kids or families are just going to naturally sort of recognize that as God's faithfulness. Laura Dugger: (10:43 - 11:34) Okay, that's huge, what you both are saying, because that is very biblical to pass along to the next generation through our words, through sharing the stories of God's goodness, I don't know how many verses there are that encourage us to do that, and it helps us remember, I think, reading and writing and even conversation that can all go together, so I was struck with all the stories that were included, that you recounted so well in this Bible study, so two parts, do you write these down like in a journal as they happen, and also it's so interesting to see the two of you being related, and even your background right now, full of books, and so I'm wondering if that was a value in your family, and just how that ties in the love of story and reading. Mike Blackaby: (11:34 - 19:55) Yeah, at least I preached a lot of those, because anytime there's a good story, it usually ends up in a sermon, and that's something we both sort of drew from our dad, he's a great storyteller, but just coming out of even what we were just talking about, you know, there's always s…

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    Peace and Joy: Special Patreon Release with Kay Wyma Aug 31, 2026
    Show notes

    Peace and Joy: Special Patreon Release with Kay Wyma “So, as God’s own chosen people, who are holy [set apart, sanctified for His purpose] and well-beloved [by God Himself], put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience [which has the power to endure whatever injustice or unpleasantness comes, with good temper];” ‭‭Colossians‬ ‭3:12‬ ‭AMP‬‬ *Transcription Below* Questions We Discuss: Will you elaborate on this concept of a Soul30? What were your favorite stories from this adventure? How has this peace project changed the way you will live life from this point forward? Kay Wyma is a mom, blogger, podcaster, and author of four books in which she has tackled, with candor and humor, some of the troubling societal issues that impact us all. Kay's writings have led her to appearances on TODAY, CNN, Hallmark's Home & Family, and more. Before staying at home with her kids, she held positions at the White House and Bank of America. She lives in Dallas, Texas, with her husband and five kids. Connect with Kay at kaywyma.com or on Instagram @kaywyma. At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. The Peace Project Thank You to Our Sponsors: Chick-fil-A East Peoria and The Savvy Sauce Charities (and donate online here) Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:00 – 0:09) Laura Dugger: (0:09 - 2:47) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. I want to say a huge thank you to today's sponsors for this episode, Chick-fil-A East Peoria, and Savvy Sauce Charities. If this is your first time here, welcome! You may be wondering what it means to have a special Patreon release, so here's the scoop. Patreon was a platform we used to generate financial support for The Savvy Sauce, and we expressed our thanks to those paying patrons by giving them a bonus episode every month. But in 2024, we transitioned away from Patreon when we became a non-profit called the Savvy Sauce Charities. The podcast is part of this non-profit, which exists to resource loved ones to inspire growth and intimacy with God and others. So, people used to pay to support us through Patreon, but now they can just donate directly to our non-profit. We spend thousands of dollars each year to record and produce these episodes, and we do pray that they're beneficial and that God sees fit to use them to be transformational in your life. If that is the case, if you have ever benefited from an episode of The Savvy Sauce, would you consider showing your gratitude through your financial generosity? Any amount is greatly appreciated. In fact, if every listener gave only $1 per month, it would completely offset our costs. We have all the details on our website, thesavvysauce.com, but feel free to also reach out to our team anytime if you want to partner together. Our email address is info@thesavvysauce.com. And now I'm pleased to share this episode with you that used to only be available to paying patrons. Kay Wyma is my returning guest today. She is vibrant, and her curiosity sometimes leads to experiments in her life. Her most recent experiment turned into a book, and now she's going to let us in on three areas of focus that added peace and joy to her life. This process is based on Scripture and validated in science. Here's our chat. Welcome back to The Savvy Sauce, Kay. Kay Wyma: (2:48 - 2:52) Thank you so much for having me. You're really sweet to put up with me again. Laura Dugger: (2:53 - 3:07) Well, it was a delight last time, and I'm excited for today as well. And I'm so fascinated by your history of different careers and roles you've had. So, will you tell us a little bit more about all that you've experienced professionally? Kay Wyma: (3:08 - 5:44) Oh my gosh, it's so funny, Laura, because people will read the bio as they could for any of us that are in our mid-50s, and I'm sitting there going, I'm exhausted listening to that. But the deal is that they didn't happen all at the same time, but I just had a really great opportunity to do some interesting stuff. And one of them, especially in my 20s, I got to work in the George Herbert Walker Bush, so 41 White House, and I was a lead advance for the vice president. And so, I pretty much got to travel all over the country and a lot of very interesting places in the world during that period. And it was a blast. I got to set up the trips as they would go traveling to these places with the Secret Service and White House Communications. And it just was an amazing way, an opportunity to get to see the world. And then I went on to graduate school and got an MBA and ended up somehow in an international investment banking role, which is laughable because I cannot even help my children with fifth grade math. So, I don't know who that person was that did that. But I used to be able to do things that way. I can't anymore. And then I had kids, which was such a blessing. I'd met my husband at graduate school when we got married after I'd finished my stint in the White House and had kids right off the bat. And during that time, I really did try to piggyback. That was back in the day when women were allowed to job share, and I just couldn't do it. The more kids that came, the harder it was. And so I stayed at home with my kids, started a couple of businesses here and there, and then found myself in the world of writing. And I didn't plan on it. I kind of say I was an accidental writer, but I don't think anything is really an accident. It's not something that I was educated to do. However, I loved it. And I look back now and look at the great education that I had gotten and honestly how much I loved writing even as a child. I just didn't know that was something that you could do because back in that day there were, and I'm not that old, but there really were careers that were careers that you sort of went to that made sense from a sensible banking father. It's like, here are your choices for a degree plan. And so, I love how just even gravitating towards what you're gifting a purpose is, which we talked about before, it's just those things are in you, and it's fun to see how they will come out and how fun that it can even come out in a way where it's your vocation. And so here I sit as a writer, crazy. Laura Dugger: (5:44 - 6:00) Which is so great to hear the journey because you would think the math and the different skills required for international banking and then to become a successful author, that's so interesting. And this is so random and I could be wrong. Were your parents ever on Focus on the Family? Kay Wyma: (6:01 - 6:54) Well, they could have been. I have the greatest parents. I really do. They're so kind and they're just really terrific people. And so, they became friends, like they're friends with Dr. Dobson. And so, I don't know if they were. That's another really gift they gave us. You just do it in front of you and you don't really make a big deal about anything. And I love that. Everybody puts their pants on the same way, which is one thing I loved even about working at the White House because some of the stuff can look so glamorous and go. But the truth is, we're all just people. And the Lord has put in certain people's paths, things to do that could look really amazing and spectacular. But the amazing and spectacular is around you every single day, even if it might not have something. And for my kids would be like that have a million followers or that has gone viral. But they are there. I'm very blessed, Laura, with very nice parents. Laura Dugger: (6:55 - 7:03) Well, you've mentioned before that you battled an eating disorder growing up. Do you feel comfortable sharing a little bit more about that journey? Kay Wyma: (7:04 - 8:39) Absolutely. So, I definitely battled that. And again, I have a wonderful family that I grew up in, a home that I grew up in. But I also grew up in an environment where performance was a big deal, which it is today, too. So many kids are struggling with that. Oh, my gosh, so terribly. And whatever you're struggling with, because it could be for me, it was performance. And the way that I learned, the way that I coped with it was through eating and not eating. And a lot of just getting rid of the food that I had eaten. And there just came a day when I was in college that thankfully the Lord, the Lord just showed me one night that this is not a good thing. So, I actually left that semester of college to get help. And it changed my life. I was telling one of the girls yesterday, my girls, how grateful I am for that because I had never really understood or even contemplated the concept of grace. I just didn't know that was something I'd heard it, but I didn't know what it was. And I didn't know a whole lot about my worth having been declared by God and my identity having been determined by him. And I will say at 55, I know a lot more about it than I did even then at 19 or 20, but it was going through that journey, asking for help, stopping what was hurting me and reaching for truth that put me on a road to actually learn a lot of just what it means when he says it is for freedom that I have set you free. Laura Dugger: (8:40 - 9:00) And the reason that I bring up the eating disorder is from a previous podcast. I can't remember which one, but elsewhere I'd heard you say that you stay away from the whole 30 diet, but you were intrigued one day to instead try a soul 30. So, will you share that story with us too? Kay Wyma: (9:01 - 14:47) I will. And I do, I have to tell you, I, since, since I was 20, I've steered clear of scales and I really do steer clear of diets for me because they don't do good things in my head. And so, one thing that I learned through all of that was that you, you can't change an environment. Often you can't change the environment that you're in, but you can change the way you operate within the environment. Biggest lesson that I learned through all of that, like, please hear that. It was so life altering as I stood going, I can't change this environment, but I can change how I interact with it. Okay. And so, the whole 30, I do find intriguing, you know, because people, if you're going to do something physically, like to make your diet better, a lot of people do that. And so, for 30 days, they, they exit a ton out of their diet. I don't know everything about it because I am a big chicken. And I think they, if, if I was going to do it, the thing that would be the killer for me is not being able to have cream in your coffee. You know, it's like, that's a deal breaker for me right there. But the soul 30 it all started one morning. Again, I think I told you on the last one that like, even the experiment with the putting the stuff, like helping the kids with independence started with my rotten attitude. Well, this started with the rotten attitude too. And we aren't always doing experiments in our house, but I just had this bad attitude one morning as I'd come home from carpool. I had women coming over to my house. I leave a Bible study that meets on Tuesdays. And I was just going to the refrigerator to get milk out to be able to serve coffee. And there were two jugs of milk in our fridge. I pull the first one out and it's empty. And I'm like, what? And the second one, I pull it out. It's empty too. Like maybe a drop in it. And quite frankly, I could have put it back going, well, there's a drop of milk in it, but I don't know why people do that. Like in our house, it could be the same with a cereal box. Like you pull the box out, there's nothing in it. And I'm like, just throw it away. Like, please. And so I was frustrated. I get out into my car to go to the grocery store. And as I drive back out into the street, this big black pickup truck, literally like road routes its way into my face. And I was sort of like, really? And, and I didn't have a choice, but to back down because he was not going to let me go. And so as I started to back up, I looked up and I got to see this beautiful sun like peeking through this cloudy sky. And, and it was so beautiful. I was like, what am I doing? Like why am I in a crabby mood or frustrated by this? I'm in an air-condi…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    How to Improve EVERY Aspect of Your Life: An Interview with J.R. Briggs (Episode 297) Aug 24, 2026
    Show notes

    How to Improve EVERY Aspect of Your Life: An Interview with J.R. Briggs (Episode 297) Proverbs 11:24 (MSG) The world of the generous gets larger and larger; the world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller. *Transcription Below* J.R. Briggs (DMin) possesses four passions: following Jesus, equipping and investing in hungry kingdom leaders, growing fruit on other people’s trees, and creating good kingdom mischief. In short, his calling is to partner with people who are called to follow Jesus while they lead others. In 2011 he started Kairos Partnerships, an organization committed to help leaders overcome their unique leadership challenges through leadership coaching, consulting, speaking, and writing. For more than 15 years, J.R. served in pastoral roles in mega-churches, church plants and house church networks. Since starting Kairos Partnerships, he has served and invested in ministry leaders in over 40 denominations throughout North America. In addition to ministry leaders, he has invested in a wide variety of leaders, including business owners, college presidents, military leaders, Division 1 basketball coaches, and non-profit directors. He serves as a guest instructor in the Master of Arts in Spiritual Formation program at Friends University and the Master of Arts in Leadership program at Taylor University. He has lectured, taught and spoken at over a dozen colleges, universities, and seminaries around the U.S. He also serves as the Director of Leadership & Congregational Formation for The Ecclesia Network and as a National Trainer & Strategist for Fresh Expressions U.S. In addition to writing several books on a wide variety of topics, he has also published articles in Christianity Today, Huffington Post, Preaching Today, American Bible Society, N.T. Wright Online, Missio Alliance, and Relevant Magazine. He hosts the Resilient Leaders podcast. J.R. and his wife Megan have two sons and live in the greater Philadelphia area. J.R.’s Website J.R.’s Book Thank You to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Questions and Topics We Cover: Can you contrast Jesus’ teaching with field trips to the way we structure a typical Sunday morning in America? Will you also share how you arrived at asking yourself two questions that have opened numerous doors for you? Once we put this into practice for ourselves, how can we begin to cultivate it in our children as well? Other Savvy Sauce Episode Mentioned: 219. Training Our Children in Biblical Financial Stewardship with Matt Bell Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” *Transcription* Music: (0:00 – 0:09) Laura Dugger: (0:12 - 1:44) Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. Leman Property Management Company has the apartment you will be able to call home, with over 1,700 apartment units available in Central Illinois. Visit them today at lemanproperties.com or connect with them on Facebook. J.R. Briggs is one of the most intriguing humans I've encountered, and it's hard to sum up his bio, as he's had so many experiences in his past through various pastoral roles, and then he became the founder of Kairos Partnerships, where he invests in leaders. He's also a podcast host, in addition to his work as an author. His most recent book is The Art of Asking Better Questions, and it's summed up in the intro, where he writes, "I have a bone-deep conviction that all of us need to ask more questions and better questions. Doing so can change your life and the lives of those around you." So now we get to actually learn how to make this happen with my guest, Reverend Dr. J.R. Briggs. Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, J.R. J.R. Briggs: (1:44 - 1:45) Thanks for having me. I'm looking forward to this, Laura. Laura Dugger: (1:46 - 2:00) Well, I'd love to go back and first hear a little bit more of your origin story. So, do you attribute your love of questions and your skill for asking great questions more to nature or nurture? J.R. Briggs: (2:01 - 5:04) That's a fantastic question. No one has ever asked me that, Laura. So, right off the bat, well done. I love good questions like this. I think it's a little bit of both, and I'm not just wimping out on that answer. Here's what I mean. I grew up in a wonderful home, still great friends with both my parents, and my parents, especially my dad, they were great question askers, and I saw them model this really well in the home. And I think in previous generations, it was, you know, kids are to be seen but not heard. That was not how my parents operated. They very much said, "You know what, we want to know what you think." And so, dinner times were great. Even hearing the way, especially my father would ask questions of people in the lobby at church or our neighbors, or we'd be at some party, and the way he would ask questions, I would just listen and say, "Wow, this is fascinating, the kind of conversations that are happening because of this." So, modeled really well, but also observed a lot, and more is caught than taught. And I observed my parents doing this really well. And I thought, these are really fun conversations to just eavesdrop in on as a kid. And then also, I began to notice that there were people that were really fun and lived inspiring lives, and they asked great questions. And I noticed the people that had, that lived really small, uninspiring lives, I realized they weren't asking very many questions. And I began to say, "Well, which kind of person do I want to be? I kind of want to be in the first group. Well, what's the difference? These people are asking questions, regular questions, quality questions." And I thought, "Ooh, I need to pay attention to this and actually lean in to do this more." So, I often learned how to do it too. So, there was the nature piece, the nurture piece, or the nurture, the nature piece there, the nurture piece, I did study. I'm kind of a nerd. And so, I would watch people who ask great questions and say, "Why was that a good question? What did they do? Why did they ask it that way? How did they know to ask that question as opposed to something else?" And so that was really helpful. But then I began to notice as I read my Bible, I got a red-letter edition of my Bible and began to notice how many red question marks there were. And I began to take a pen and circle all of the red questions, question marks that Jesus asked. And I thought, "Wow, the way the truth and the life, who had all the answers, yet he asked a ton of questions." So that sent me on a deep dive that eventually I studied. And my doctorate, my dissertation for my doctorate was on learning to equip leaders to ask better questions in the way of Jesus. And so, using him as that model. So, there's a very long answer, Laura, to a very short question, is it nature or nurture? I really believe it's both. And I hope I can continue to learn in my own life until my last breath to how to be a better question asker, because it's that powerful. Laura Dugger: (5:04 - 5:57) Mm-hmm. I agree with that. And I love the humility in that response. Also, as you share it, it reminds me of a scripture from Proverbs 11:24, the Message version, which I believe previous guest Matt Bell had shared this as it relates to finances. But J.R., I hear it through your lifestyle of generosity with questions. And the verse says, "The world of the generous gets larger and larger. The world of the stingy gets smaller and smaller." So, I love how you illustrated that. But you're also the first person that I heard articulate this beauty of asking questions for connection rather than just for information. So, can you explain more of why questions are such a generous gift and an offering of hospitality? J.R. Briggs: (5:58 - 8:36) Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, one of the things that really hit me, I touched on this earlier, that Jesus is the way, the truth, and the life, the second member of the Trinity, who knows everything. Why would he ask so many questions? Well, he also said, "I only do what I see my Father doing." What did he see his Father doing? If you look in the Old Testament, God asks a ton of questions too. So, I said, "Wait a second. Okay. The all-knowing, all-powerful God of the universe, why does God ask so many questions when he already knows the answer?" And that drove me to say, maybe it wasn't just for information. And I began to think about Adam and Eve in the garden and say, when he says, "Where are you?" It wasn't because God didn't know. And it wasn't a geographical question as much as I think it's a relational and theological question that he wants Adam and Eve to answer. And so, as a result of that, I said, "Why then would God do that?" Well, God already knows, but he desires connection with us. And then I thought, "Ooh, yeah, that isn't just God to us. There are times where I ask questions of my kids when they were younger, or of other little kids at church, where I know the answer already, but I'm asking it as a way of building trust and shared story and connection with them." And I thought, yeah, there's real connection when it comes to questions. And when we do that, when we offer our full selves, the French philosopher, Simone Weil, she said, "Attention is the rarest and purest form of generosity." And as a result of that, that's the hospitality piece. And I think, let's not forget that the word hospital is in the word hospitality, that our questions and our attention can actually be a form of healing that we offer to other people. When we think of hospitality, we often think of, I don't know, making a fresh pie or laying out doilies and sweeping the house before someone comes over. That can be part of it. But the real definition of hospitality is making new people feel comfortable in new situations. And so, what do good questions do? They help people who might feel new or an outsider feel like they're an insider. And I believe that's one of the beautiful benefits of questions where people say, "Man, thank you. No one has ever asked me that." Or "I feel seen. Wow, you really want to care. You care enough to know what I'm thinking." That is an unbelievable gift that we can give to others as a form of hospitality. Laura Dugger: (8:36 - 8:55) And I think that illuminates what you even say up front in your book, that you do believe that these questions can change our life and the lives of those around us, and especially through this powerful book that you've written. So, can you elaborate on that claim? J.R. Briggs: (8:56 - 10:33) Yeah, the dimensions of your life expand or contract depending upon the questions that you ask. So, when we refrain from asking good questions, our world gets smaller. And when we start to ask better questions, and more frequently, our worlds begin to expand. And so, what I tell people is we don't have a shortage of information. We have a shortage of wisdom and curiosity and wonder. And so, what we need to kindle in that is that desire for and that ability to ask the right questions at the right time for the right reason to the right people. And if we want more information, we should just Google it. But if what we're after is wisdom and connection and engagement, we need questions. And questions are, I think we all would admit, Laura, questions are important. I don't think that we would realize just how powerful they actually are. And so, the goal of the book was to unleash and wake up the sleeping giants that exist and say, this can be used for good. There's so many, again, we don't have a shortage of information. But asking good questions is a lost art. And the goal is to try to help people realize its power, that it's more accessible. They're free. They can be used at any time. They don't have a shelf life. But we just need to cultivate the desire for it and then have some skills to lean in, because it really can be such an unbelievable gift. The questions that we ask often reveal the values that we hold. And so that's another way that we can press into that as well. Laura Dugger: (10:34 - 10:49) Okay, so let's say that the desire is there. Maybe for all of us, probably the skill is a little lacking. How can we begin to get a little bit better at this or just get started with asking better questions today? J.R. Briggs: (10:49 - 14:18) Yeah, well, we got to start, Laura, by admitting that there are a lot of obstacles that exist that our culture puts in front of us to make it hard to d…

    Full show notes at the publisher

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