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    The Savvy Sauce

    Do you want ideas for questions to deepen your conversations? Do you want to feel intimately connected to your spouse? Do you desire to parent with purpose? If so, tune in each Monday with Laura, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specialized in Christian sex therapy. She interviews the best faith-based speakers to answer our questions and doesn’t shy away from a wide range of difficult topics. Sexual intimacy is discussed once a month so that you can delight in your marital relationship, feel equipped to teach your children about sex, and learn practical ways to overcome hurt or addiction. Episodes on health and wellness cover topics of hormones and free lifestyle swaps, perimenopause, and what simple practices yield HUGE health benefits. Marital experts teach conflict resolution that actually works, parenting pros share wisdom from newborns to adult children, business leaders let us in on secrets of the trade, and the foundation of everything is Jesus Christ!  Find joy here and live on purpose as you consider, “What’s your savvy sauce?!”

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    Latest Episodes:
    8 Hope for Treating Pelvic Pain With Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist Specialist, Tracey LeGrand Sep 21, 2018
    Show notes

    *DISCLAIMER* This episode is intended for adults. 8. Hope for Treating Pelvic Pain With Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist Specialist, Tracey LeGrand **Transcription Below** Romans 15:13 (NIV) “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Tracey LeGrand is a PT, SMPT, and WCS Board-Certified Clinical Specialist in Women’s Health Physical Therapy. She opened Cornerstone Pelvic Health & Wellness in Lexington, Kentucky in 2012 and she is the current owner-operator. At Cornerstone, she specializes in the treatment of various pelvic floor conditions, such as, pregnancy pain, pelvic pain, sexual pain, prolapse, urinary incontinence and more. At The Savvy Sauce, we only recommend resources we believe in! We want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Tracey’s Website Tracey’s Facebook Page Tracey’s Brochure Blog Recommendation From Tracey Article Recommendation From Tracey Pelvic Floor Article Recommendation From Tracey Squatty Potty Thank You to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” **Transcription** [00:00:00] <music> Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. [00:00:17] <music> Laura Dugger: Today's episode is brought to you by one of my favorite brands in Central Illinois, Leman Property Management. With over 1,600 apartment homes in all price ranges throughout Morton, Pekin, Peoria, Washington, and Canton, they can find the perfect spot for you. Check them out at MidwestShelters.com or like them on Facebook by searching Leman, L-E-M-A-N, Property Management Company. Thanks for sponsoring today's episode. Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. [00:01:03] Today we get to learn from Tracey LeGrand. Tracey specializes in the treatment of pelvic floor issues. She understands the physical and emotional needs of patients dealing with issues such as pelvic pain and incontinence. Today we'll be specifically focusing on how to treat pelvic floor issues related to pregnancy, sexual pain, and chronic pelvic pain. Here's our chat. Welcome, Tracey. Tracey LeGrand: Hi. Thanks for having me. Laura Dugger: Well, we are so excited to hear from you. Can you just start by giving us a snapshot of who you are and what you like to do? Tracey LeGrand: Absolutely. I wear a lot of hats. I'll start with my career. I am a physical therapist. I've been practicing as a physical therapist for close to 20 years now. I have a specialty in treating pelvic floor issues. I'm actually a board-certified clinical specialist in women's health physical therapy. [00:02:01] The name of my practice is Cornerstone Pelvic Health and Wellness. I spend all of my time treating all sorts of pelvic floor issues. That's what I love to do. I'm very passionate about it and the people that I treat. But I'm also very passionate about being a mom. So I have two boys at home, ages 10 and 6. They keep me very busy. And I have a wonderful husband. Actually, today is my 21st wedding anniversary. So I've been married for 21 years, and God has blessed us tremendously. We are very involved in our community, in our church. Laura Dugger: My goodness. Happy anniversary. Tracey LeGrand: Yes, thank you. Laura Dugger: How did you get interested in helping those with pelvic floor issues? Tracey LeGrand: Everyone wants to ask me that question. I have probably answered that question at least two or three times this week already. Because I know that even patients who come to see me, a lot of them, even when they are referred for this type of treatment, they don't even realize that this type of physical therapy exists. [00:03:06] So actually I didn't really know a whole lot about it either when I was in PT school. Honestly, we didn't get any type of training in this type of therapy within our physical therapy program. So honestly, I was kind of interested in treating shoulders. I thought I was going to graduate specializing in shoulders, but I do feel like I always had an interest in kind of women's health issues, even in PT school before I knew that this was an option. I would do my research papers on the effects of female hormones and just kind of do things a little bit differently. So when I graduated PT school, basically one of the gurus in this field came to my state and did an introductory class in this area. I took the class and I just immediately became intrigued. The more that I went to training I just realized that this was a huge field. There's not a lot of therapists who even today specialize in this area of physical therapy. [00:04:08] I said in the beginning that I'm a board-certified clinical specialist. I'm one of only four in the state of Kentucky, and there's only about probably like 350 of us, 375 maybe, in the whole United States. So it's still a growing field, but a very specialized form of physical therapy. I think the more I got into treating these issues and realized they're very sensitive issues, I treat everything from sexual pain disorders, urinary incontinence, pelvic pain, lots of very sensitive things. So I wanted to kind of combine ministry with my job. I don't look at my job as just something that I do, a paycheck. I really do feel called to minister to people, to serve people, to share love with people. So I think as I got into this area, my personality and being able to show kindness—I kind of have a quiet personality, but very calming—I was able to use that to really help these women. [00:05:13] Actually I treat men too, but you know, it's embarrassing sometimes to talk about some of the things that I treat. So I feel like it was just a natural progression and doors continue to open. And before I knew it, that's all that I was treating. Laura Dugger: It's also fascinating coupling that with your degree in counseling as well. Tracey LeGrand: Absolutely. Honestly, when I was probably practicing physical therapy for about 10 years, maybe not quite 10 years, and as I began treating these issues, it was kind of the joke around the clinic that I would come out of my treatment rooms trying to find the Kleenex box because ultimately all of my patients were always in my treatment room crying because there's just a lot of emotion that goes along with some of these issues that I treat. So I think I realized, okay, I need something else to help me help the emotional aspect of some of these things. And so, yes, I felt kind of led to go back and to pursue a counseling degree. [00:06:19] It took me about six years to get that degree because I continued to work as a physical therapist full-time. I had my first child in the middle of that. So it took me a while, but I feel like I use that every single day in my practice. I do feel like I am able to listen better and understand. I think it's also helped me establish relationships with those in my community who are psychologists and counselors and I have a great network of clinicians that I'm able to refer to because I feel like I'm able to recognize when they need to be referred on to a sex therapist or a pain psychologist or any of those other clinicians in the community that can then put all the pieces together. Laura Dugger: That's awesome. This might be backing it up a little bit. But can you give us a brief education on general pelvic health, especially if pelvic floor is a brand new term to someone listening? [00:07:17] Tracey LeGrand: Well, everybody has a pelvic floor, but if it's working well, you may not ever think about your pelvic floor muscles. But it's actually a very important part of your body. Your pelvic floor, basically, you have muscles that go from your pubic bone to your tailbone. There's actually three layers of muscle that make up the pelvic floor musculature. Your pelvic floor serves three very important purposes. First of all, it's a supportive structure, basically, so it is supporting very important organs. So it helps to support your bladder, helps to support your uterus if you're a female, it's supporting your rectum, your colon. So it's giving support to all of those pelvic organs. It is also very important for sexual function. Those muscles are a huge part of sexual pleasure and sexual functioning, so it's important that they continue to do their job during that aspect. Also, they help you maintain what's called continence. [00:08:19] So if your bladder is filling up with urine and you need to get to the bathroom, you want those muscles to be able to keep everything in so that you're not leaking or having an accident. Same thing with your bowel movements. Again, some of these things are kind of funny to talk about or uncomfortable to talk about. But you know what, if you're sitting in a meeting and you feel like you need to pass gas, you don't want to do that right in a crowd So it's those muscles that help you hold that back. Then also your pelvic floor is part of your core. People think of your core muscles as just your abdominal muscles. I've got to get my abs strong, that's my core. But really what I teach my patients is that your core is made up of a group of muscles that start at your diaphragm, go all the way down to those pelvic floor muscles, and everything in between. And they work together in a very coordinated way to give you postural stability and support and help you manage changes in intra-abdominal pressure if you're lifting or pushing or just picking up your kids. [00:09:22] Your pelvic floor muscles are functioning in those situations in a very important way. Very important muscles. But again, if you don't have to think about them, you may not realize that those muscles are important until something goes wrong. Laura Dugger: Oh, that definitely makes sense. What are a few common issues related to the pelvic floor? Tracey LeGrand: Well, probably one of the most common things that I would say most people are familiar with would be urinary incontinence. So we've all seen the commercials on TV, Gotta Go, Gotta Go, or all the commercials for the Depends pads or the Poise pads, those types of things. So basically, urinary incontinence is leaking urine when you don't want to leak urine. So there's a few different categories of incontinence. You have what's called stress incontinence. So that's if you cough or sneeze or laugh really hard and you leak a little bit of urine during those types of activities. [00:10:20] Or a common thing, you know, a lot of women after having babies they come in like, "Oh, I can't jump on the trampoline anymore and play with my kids because I leak urine. I pee on myself when I do that. So that is stress incontinence. Urge incontinence is kind of like overactive bladder. So you feel the need to empty your bladder often throughout the day. You feel a lot of urgency, frequency, that type of thing. And then you can have a mixture of the two. That's probably one of the most common things I think that people would recognize. Again, your pelvic floor muscles are the muscles that help to control that. The other thing that's common but probably not talked about often, but with women after having children as they get further into live menopause, postmenopausal women with the pelvic organ prolapse can be a scary thing if you don't realize that that can happen. But again, those muscles are part of your support system. So as you have more babies, there can be a hereditary factor as well. [00:11:24] But as your support system weakens and ligaments get stretched during pregnancy and delivery, sometimes your pelvic organs like your bladder, your uterus can drop further down and sometimes can protrude and there can be like a bulge. Now that's a little scary but that can happen. And that's another reason why it's important to retrain your pelvic floor muscles like after pregnancy and delivering and those types of things. So there's so many different things. There's pelvic pain issues, which can involve a lot of different things. About one in four women have pelvic pain. Definitely the pelvi…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    7 Easy Changes to Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage With Christian Sex Therapist Pioneers, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner Sep 20, 2018
    Show notes

    *DISCLAIMER* This episode is intended for adults. 7. Easy Changes to Enhance Your Sexual Intimacy in Marriage With Christian Sex Therapist Pioneers, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner **Transcription Below** Philippians 2:1-11 “If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner are best known for their pioneer work in encouraging people of all faiths to connect their sexuality with their belief system ─ helping them embrace sex as good and of God. Dr. Clifford is a licensed clinical psychologist and Joyce is a registered nurse and clinical nurse specialist. They are highly respected authors and speakers, in addition to being parents and grandparents. At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner’s Website Books By Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner: Enjoy! The Gift of Sexual Pleasure for Women The Married Guy's Guide to Great Sex Restoring the Pleasure The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment Sex FAQ We Didn’t Have Time to Cover Today Information on Pelvic Pain Thank You to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” **Transcription** Laura Dugger: Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. [00:00:09] <music> Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. [00:00:26] <music> Laura Dugger: I want to say thank you to Leman Property Management for being such a loyal sponsor of The Savvy Sauce. They're located in Central Illinois and with over 1,600 apartment homes in all price ranges, they have listings throughout Morton, Pekin, Peoria, Washington, and Canton. They can find the perfect spot for you. Check them out today at MidwestShelters.com or like them on Facebook by searching Leman, L-E-M-A-N, Property Management Company. We'll make sure to put a link in our show notes. Thanks again for the sponsorship. If you're interested in sponsoring The Savvy Sauce, we would love to hear from you. Make sure you reach out to us. You can email us at info@thesavvysauce.com. This episode is intended for currently married, healthy couples. [00:01:21] If you've had trauma in the past and have not pursued healing, our hope is that you would reach out for help today. It is unlikely that you can do this healing alone. We recommend you connect with a Christian counselor in your area, ideally with a specialization in Christian sex therapy. Healing is possible. I also want you to be forewarned that this topic is not suitable for little ears. I'm so excited for our guest today. We get to host Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner. The Penners are best known for their pioneer work in encouraging people to embrace sex as good and of God. Today we discuss differing desires in marriage and practical tips to enhance your sexual intimacy. Welcome, Dr. Clifford and Joyce Penner. Dr. Clifford Penner: We're delighted to be here. We're just excited to see where this can go. Joyce Penner: Yes. Laura Dugger: Well, let's just dive right in. For anyone who doesn't know you yet, could you give us some background into who both of you are and what you do? [00:02:22] Joyce Penner: Well, we were both raised as Mennonites, so the topic that we're about to talk about was not talked about in our homes. We both were in our separate professions when Cliff was asked to teach a class to new moms about teaching your kids about sex. Dr. Clifford Penner: And those professions were that I was a clinical psychologist, I had gotten my doctorate in that area, and Joyce was a nursing professor at California State University. So what happened was that I was asked to teach this class of women about talking to your kids about sex, and then afterwards a couple of the women asked if I would come and teach a group of 60 women about sexual adjustment marriage, and I said: "Well, I really don't know much about that." And they said, "No, would like you to come teach us." So since Joyce was a nursing professor, I prevailed upon her and we got... Joyce Penner: And because you were going to be teaching 60 women- Dr. Clifford Penner: Well, that's true. [00:03:22] Joyce Penner: He said, "I'm not going to go teach 60 women about sex, which we know nothing about from a professional perspective." Dr. Clifford Penner: So we studied like crazy and did a 10-week course on sexual adjustment in marriage. At the last three weeks, the women asked if they could bring their husbands. Then what happened was that we got so much positive response to it and started getting asked to teach at other places. So then we finally went and got trained as sexual therapists, and this was a process of the next year or two, because people started asking to come to us for sexual therapy, and we said we're not sexual therapists. Joyce Penner: But every step of the way we were led into this. It wasn't something we ever decided we were going to do. But it's one of those experiences, we believe, when doors are open and you allow God to lead you, He uses you in mighty ways. And that's certainly been true for us. [00:04:21] Now, at this stage of our lives, we're mainly training other professionals, other sexual therapists. Dr. Clifford Penner: So we often teach seminars to psychologists, marriage and family counselors, pastors, who will then use the material that we bring to help with the people that they're dealing with who have sexual issues. That's all over the world that we get to do that. Joyce Penner: Lots of fun. Laura Dugger: That's incredible. Clearly, you two are great at it, so we really appreciate your contribution. Let's just lay the spiritual foundation for this topic first. Do you have any specific scripture that's very precious to you in this area? Dr. Clifford Penner: Well, probably the two main passages that are at the core of what the New Testament teaches about sexuality are 1 Corinthians 7, the first 11 verses, where it says, "Is it a good thing to have sexual relations?" [00:05:22] And that the church at Corinth is asking this, and then Paul answers, "Of course it's a good thing, but between a husband and wife." And then he goes on and instructs, "Husbands, be this way with your wives, wives, be this way with your husbands." And then it's the same passage in Ephesians 5. Joyce Penner: That whole passage that starts with "submit to one another", but then goes on and talks about the wife's role and much more specifically the husband's role. The husband is to love his wife like Christ loves the church. And in doing that, he's really doing himself a favor because they're already one in Christ. Dr. Clifford Penner: We have to ask the question, well, how would he be doing himself a favor if he loves his wife that way? Joyce Penner: Like Christ loved the church. Dr. Clifford Penner: Like Christ loved the church. The answer is that when a woman feels cherished and adored and admired, like Paul talks about in Ephesians 5, that's what turns her on. [00:06:23] And when she's turned on, then it makes him happy. That's why he's really doing himself a favor when he loves her that way. Joyce Penner: And then we also ask, well, how did Christ love the church? And we go to Philippians 2, the passage that says that Christ gave up His rights. And men will often say, "But don't we have the right to sex?" Yes. But when that right is pursued rather than released, it puts pressure on the woman. And when the woman feels pressure, she's not likely to feel good about herself and not likely to want sex, and then he feels badly about himself when she doesn't. Dr. Clifford Penner: So, to make it very simple, 1 Corinthians 7, Ephesians 5, and Philippians 2:1-11, which says, "Let this mind be in you, which is also in Christ Jesus." Laura Dugger: Thank you for sharing that. Moving on to the physical aspects, how are sleep and diet, and exercise related to an enjoyable sex life? [00:07:28] Joyce Penner: We talk about this in quite a bit of detail in our book, Enjoy!: The Gift of Sexual Pleasure for Women and talk about from the woman's perspective. But it's also true for men. For women, we teach them how to listen to their bodies. And when they listen to their bodies they will be able to get with their own sexuality and share it with their husband. But because sex is not only a spiritual non-relational experience, it is a physical event, and so when we're well-rested, when we're healthy, when our bodies are nurtured in the right way and we exercise, it's going to enhance our sex life. Laura Dugger: That's great. And for anyone who's listening today, do you have maybe one first practical step they can take to move in the right direction? Dr. Clifford Penner: We would say, first of all, you have to get enough sleep. [00:08:25] People who aren't getting enough sleep are not going to have the energy to be sexual with each other. Joyce Penner: And in terms of one suggestion, nutritionally, we would say change one eating pattern. And the one we would recommend is to decrease or eliminate empty carbohydrates. In other words, sugars, foods that don't have much nutrition and are only filling us with calories. Laura Dugger: For somebody who's thinking in their head, kind of pushing back "sure, I want to get more sleep, how can I actually do that?" what else would you say to convince them of the importance of that step? Joyce Penner: Well, one thing I learned early on when I went back to work when our oldest daughter was six weeks old, is I learned to take power naps. That was critical to my functioning as a mom, a professional, and a wife. Dr. Clifford Penner: So, Joyce thinks of that not as an indulgence, but actually- [00:09:29] Joyce Penner: As a gift. Dr. Clifford Penner: ...as a gift to the rest of us. And I would have to agree with that. Laura Dugger: Oh, that's so freeing to hear you say that. That's great because a lot of people might be struggling with guilt as well. And I feel like you just addressed that. Joyce Penner: And I just set the timer for 30 or 25 minutes and often wake up before that. But sometimes even 20 minutes is plenty just to take that edge off, and yet it's so natural. Especially with moms with young children, when they finally get their kids down for a nap, they think they've got to get all the tasks done in the house. But I find if I free myself to go take that nap, even now when I don't have kids around, I'm so much more effective and get much more done more quickly if I take that 20 minutes. I make up that 20 minutes really quickly by the difference in the energy I have. Laura Dugger: That makes a lot of sense. [00:10:26] So you've talked about the wife's part. Let's use that same example. Do you have any practical tips or suggestions for the husband to help maybe their wife get more sleep? Dr. Clifford Penner: Well, one of the things that we always encourage the husband is that since she's often been, when they're kids, often been home all day with the kids, anything that he can specifically do to take over some part of that task once he gets home and he might say, well, I've been working all day too. But it's a whole different kind of stress that a woman has to deal with at home. So we would always encourage him for example to let her take a bubble bath while he reads the kids their nighttime story or whatever. Joyce Penner: But it could be in today's world probably both of them may be working. Or it may be that he's the stay-at-home dad and she's out working. Each couple has to kind of negotiate for themselves what's going to work in their situation. [00:11:26] For some women, maybe the nap isn't it? Maybe it's something else that gets her energized. But figuring that out and listening to yourself an…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    6 Ten Common Questions About Sex, Shared Through a Biblical Worldview With Certified Sex Therapist and Pastor, Dr. Michael Sytsma Sep 19, 2018
    Show notes

    *DISCLAIMER* This episode is intended for adults 6. 10 Common Questions About Sex, Shared Through a Biblical Worldview With Certified Sex Therapist and Pastor, Dr. Michael Sytsma **Transcription Below** Hebrews 13:4(a) NIV “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure,” Dr. Michael Sytsma is a certified sex therapist, ordained minister, and co-founder of sexual wholeness. Dr. Mike has been working with couples in a variety of capacities since 1987. He currently works with Building Intimate Marriages in Atlanta, GA as he meets with clients, teaches, and speaks at various conferences. He and Karen have been married since 1985 and have two sons, Josiah and Caleb. Dr. Michael Sytsma’s Website Recommended author: John Gottman Thank You to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” **Transcription** Laura Dugger: Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. [00:00:10] <music> Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. [00:00:27] <music> Laura Dugger: Today's episode is brought to you by one of my favorite brands in Central Illinois, Leman Property Management. With over 1,600 apartment homes in all price ranges throughout Morton, Pekin, Peoria, Washington, and Canton, they can find the perfect spot for you. Check them out at midwestshelters.com or like them on Facebook by searching Leman, L-E-M-A-N, Property Management Company. Thanks for sponsoring today's episode. Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. Today we are fortunate to hear from Dr. Michael Sytsma. He is a certified sex therapist, ordained minister, and co-founder of Sexual Wholeness. He has been married to his wife Karen since 1985 and they have two adult sons. [00:01:27] He does various workshops and he was one of my professors in graduate school. I have greatly benefited from his teachings and I believe you will too. During this episode, Dr. Mike answers 10 common questions related to sexual intimacy in marriage. Here's our chat. Thanks so much for joining us today, Dr. Mike. Dr. Michael Sytsma: Sure. It's an honor to be here Laura Dugger: This episode, we're going to talk about 10 common sexual intimacy questions. So here we go. What are some common misconceptions about sex? Dr. Michael Sytsma: Oh wow, I think there are a lot of them. One is that it's about parts and technique. Parts have to be the right size in order for sex to be good. That parts have to be young and youthful in order for sex to be good. That my technique has to be perfect. That I have to learn how to do it just right. The reality of it is those play a small piece of having a healthy sexual relationship, but our heart matters far more and the soul of sex matters far more than the parts and technique. [00:02:35] One writer has said that he doesn't think couples can have truly a great sexual relationship until they're in their 50s. Because he says it takes us that long before we finally accept who we are. I can come before my spouse and say, "Yeah, as broken and as unattractive as I am now at 50, I still give all of me to you. And you receive that." And now we're able to step into a truly intimate relationship. It's not just about, is our body fit and are we able to do with it what we think should happen? Laura Dugger: That's really good. What do you tell couples who are concerned when they have differing levels of desire? Dr. Michael Sytsma: A couple of things. One is, when we really get down to it, most couples don't have as different of a desire as what they think. Now, desire is different for each spouse. [00:03:34] In cross-cultural studies, 80% of the time the husband's a high drive, 20% of the time the wife is, which means one in five couples, the wife is the higher drive individual in that relationship. So, that's not as abnormal as what often those couples think it is. But what's fascinating is in none of the surveys, none of the research that we've done do we find couples that have the same desire. So, to say they have a different level of desire just means they're normal. But when we start to really talk about what desire is, couples often get much closer than what they think they are. Sometimes it's in how you ask the question. So if I ask a question, how often are you hungry for sex? I'll get a real, usually broad divergence. The husband might say, Well, I get hungry for sex two or three times a week, or maybe even more. And the wife might say, hungry for sex? Wow, not sure I can remember the last time I was hungry for it. [00:04:37] Most common, I'll hear one to two times a month. I asked one wife, so tell me about that, you know, when you get hungry for sex, what's that like? And she says, well, all of a sudden I'm thinking about it, and it'd be really nice. Well, what do you do with that? She says, I'm always taxi for the kids, or I am switching the laundry, or I'm fixing dinner, and it's just inconvenient. So she says, "I ignore it, and 20 minutes later it goes away." Her husband looked over at her and said, "Next time call me, I'll be home in 10." And I thought that was great. But she's just acknowledging that physical drive doesn't happen very often. So we'll see real divergence there. But when I ask, what would you be proud of? What would you like? What do you think is healthy for your marriage? Now, wives will typically say one to two times a week, and husbands will say typically two to three times a week. And I point out there really isn't much difference between two and two. That one to two times for her and two to three times for him, they're really in that same ballpark. [00:05:39] Usually, the higher drive spouse will look at the lower one and say, "Seriously, you don't want it that often." And I'll point out that's kind of the wrong question to ask. What if they're telling the truth? What if the low-desire spouse is saying, One to two times is what I think would be good? And you're thinking, but we don't have it quite that often. The real question is, okay, if that's what you want, what's getting in the way? Now the couple is on the same side of the page talking about what's getting in the way of what we both want. We both would like about twice a week. We think that'd be really good. That'd be fun. That'd be a mark of a healthy relationship. That's what I desire. But something's getting in the way. And usually it's simple things that are not easily solved, but simple things like, I'm too tired. I have way too much going on in my day. And by the time we get to where we can have sex, I have no energy left for it. Okay, good. That's what's in the way. Now we can step back and problem-solve it. [00:06:39] Or, "You know what, you really treated me poorly last week, and then you want to have sex, and my heart has to be softer to you. I have to feel adored. I have to feel cared for." Okay, now you know what to solve. What I find is couples generally aren't as far apart as what they think they are. This was the subject of my doctoral dissertation. I found that what we call the attribution, what they think is more caustic than what is. So it's helping couples to really sit down, talk about it, and figure out what's getting in the way of us getting what we really would like to have, because the desire is probably not as far apart as they think it is. Laura Dugger: Oh, that's fascinating. How can a couple utilize and celebrate their gender differences to positively influence their sexual intimacy? Dr. Michael Sytsma: Well, I think some of it comes in just acknowledging what those are and how each of them would identify, characterize, and talk about the gender piece for them. Because in some of the couples that I work with, he really has a lot more feminine qualities. [00:07:41] His heart is really into the sex. If she is not enjoying it and nurturing and caring for him, it's kind of weak. And she's uber competent and she's just busting down the walls of the home and of maybe work and she has more of that, what we would call masculine power or masculine strength. And just helping them to acknowledge, okay, this is how you guys are in your gender and it's what you bring in. How do we accept influence from both? Or if it's more the stereotype where the guy is walking in and swaggering and he just wants to just take his woman and have her just be caught up in it. Okay, how do we accept that, kind of, how the power of your masculinity is expressed? And help her to learn that she has enormous power in her femininity. The beauty of who she is and her physical nature and the softness of what she is, she has real power there. [00:08:48] And how can she embrace it and use it to guide him in? I look at so many wives and say, you have no idea how much power you have. You can embed yourself in your husband's brain in a heartbeat. Just by reaching over and touching him just right, just by flashing him a little skin, just by being a little bit flirty, he will replay that scene multiple times a day, multiple times a week. I actually had a couple I was doing therapy with earlier this week, and I said, you know, if you just reach over and you just goose him occasionally and be playful with it, he would think about that several times a day. He said, "I think about that for a year." And tell her you have so much power in your femininity. Embrace it. So getting them to talk about it and realize both are rich, both are good, both have their own kinds of power and accept influence from each other and just play with it, work with it. [00:09:46] Laura Dugger: Love hearing the stories too, that really illustrates that. Is it possible for some people to never reach an orgasm? Dr. Michael Sytsma: Research tells us that a very small minority of men never reach orgasm. So that's pretty rare. Most guys enter every sexual encounter, most being at least 99% of guys enter every sexual encounter expecting an orgasm in that encounter. The reality of it is, for women, it doesn't work that way. Only about 25% of women tell us that orgasms are reliable, that they're going to likely have one most of the time. About a third of women tell us that they have one usually. About a third of women tell us that they have one sometimes. And about 9% of women tell us that they never have. We've got a fair number of women that will tell us that they never have one. Two-thirds of women say it only happens on occasion, but about 10% don't. Is it important that they have one? [00:10:46] That's kind of up to them and up to their spouse. We do see that women who have orgasms 50% of the time or more report a much higher level of satisfaction in the marriage and in their sex life. So, we know it adds to it, it adds richness to it. And for that purpose, it may be worth pursuing. Is it something that every woman is capable of? We're not real sure. We think so. But for some, there may be some neurological issues that don't transmit the pleasure in a way that allows them to have an orgasm. So, there may be some women that can't. Same with the men who can't. But generally, with some good therapy, with somebody who's trained in what they're doing and a willingness to work at it, individuals can learn to have one. But to go back to your question, are there some that never do? Yes, there are some. It's a minority, but there are some that never do. Laura Dugger: That's great. For somebody listening that might relate to that, if they've never tried therapy before, that might be a great step. [00:11:50] Dr. Michael Sytsma: Yes. But we would encourage them to really be a good customer. Make sure that the person you're going to is truly trained in it. You want to ask them, have you been trained in it? How many men or women have you ever worked with who weren't able to have orgasms and what was the outcome of that therapy? Because if they've never worked with it, but they've been trained in it, you probably want to find somebody else, unless they're the only on…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    5 Ways To Deepen Your Intimacy In Marriage With Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Douglas Rosenau Sep 18, 2018
    Show notes

    *DISCLAIMER* This episode is intended for adults 5. Ways To Deepen Your Intimacy In Marriage With Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Douglas Rosenau **Transcription Below** 1 Corinthians 13:4-8(a) NIV “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.” Dr. Douglas Rosenau has truly been a pioneer in Christian sex therapy. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified sex therapist, author, speaker, adjunct professor, and co-founder of Sexual Wholeness. His training in both theology and counseling helps couples enrich and reclaim God’s wonderful gift of sexual intimacy. Dr. Doug’s Website Dr. Doug on Twitter At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Books by Dr. Doug with various co-authors: Total Intimacy Soul Virgins Celebration of Sex Celebration of Sex for Newlyweds Celebration of Sex After 50 Secrets of Eve by Dr. Archibald Hart, Catherine Hart Weber, and Debra Taylor Thank You to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” **Transcription** [00:00:00] <music> Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. [00:00:19] <music> Laura Dugger: I want to say thank you to Leman Property Management for being such a loyal sponsor of The Savvy Sauce. They're located in Central Illinois. With over 1,600 apartment homes in all price ranges, they have listings throughout Morton, Pekin, Peoria, Washington, and Canton. They can find the perfect spot for you. Check them out today at midwestshelters.com or like them on Facebook by searching Leman, L-E-M-A-N, Property Management Company. We'll make sure to put a link in our show notes. Thanks again for the sponsorship. Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes and I want you to be aware before you listen to this message. Today I'm excited to introduce you to Dr. Douglas Rosenau. He has truly been a pioneer in Christian sex therapy. He is a licensed marriage and family therapist, certified sex therapist, author, speaker, adjunct professor, and co-founder of Sexual Wholeness. [00:01:25] His training in both theology and counseling helps couples enrich and reclaim God's wonderful gift of sexual intimacy. He was also my professor and supervisor in graduate school, so my husband and I know him well. Today we talk about deepening levels of marital intimacy, and you will hear him use a car analogy as he explains brakes and accelerators for couples in the bedroom. I hope you find this chat to be fun and beneficial. Hello, Dr. Doug. Dr. Douglas Rosenau: Oh, this is exciting because we've known each other so long. I'm just glad to be here. This is going to be fun. Laura Dugger: Thank you so much for joining us. You are a co-founder of Sexual Wholeness. Can you just tell us a little bit more about that journey? Dr. Douglas Rosenau: Well, Laura, it started way back in the 70s, where a friend of mine, when I was working on my doctorate, went to take a sex therapy class. I was at Northern Illinois at the time, at a university. She took it at Loyola Med School in Chicago. [00:02:27] And it just piqued my curiosity, and it made me think, The church doesn't deal with sex very well. So I went and took classes from the med school in sex therapy. Then the psychology had a sex therapy practicum. So it's kind of like way back then God was saying, I would like you to cultivate a sexually healthy church, and I would like you to be able to really unfold some of this, especially for people of faith. Laura Dugger: And you have done that so well. I know that having a good theology of sex has always been very important to you. So can you just give us a brief overview of your beliefs in that area? Dr. Douglas Rosenau: Well, people sometimes often ask me, why did... you and I, and many of our listeners will believe there is a creator God. So why did that creator God create us sexual beings, male and female? Which back in Genesis it says we're created in His image, male and female. [00:03:26] I think when people ask me, why did God create sex, I would say because He's intimate and loving, and He really wanted to have some ways that human beings could express that. And so our sexuality really to me is a reflection of who God is and how He relates and the importance of relationships, which is a real important part of my theology, is that sex was about intimacy, not about the buzz, the rush, the excitement. But it's about connection. So my theology would be we're sexual beings because it adds a richness to every relationship, just being gendered, man and woman. And then the fact that we can be sexually attracted and aroused and enter into relationships and especially into marriage where there can be a gentle expression, to me, that's really reflecting a lot of who God is and the oneness and the intimacy that He would like us to experience as humans. Laura Dugger: You say that so well, and you've written about it in so many of your books, which are all wonderful. [00:04:27] We will link to those in the show notes so everybody can see where to learn more. But what would you say are some factors that influence the level of intimacy spouses will experience with one another? Dr. Douglas Rosenau: What I think is really important when we look at intimacy and I'm thinking of... I work a lot with couples, with moms, with kids and just families, you know? And so I'm thinking it's so complex when you think about, how do we create a really good sex life together? But I think part of it is just time and energy, you know, that we don't set enough time apart. I think that there's part of it that sometimes we maybe, even like this podcast, we really haven't taken the time to really think through... like a question that I like to ask couples is, what does sex mean to you? And I think that if they can think that through, like is expressing affection, it's recreation, it's whatever it is, but it's really complex. [00:05:27] And all of those factors have filled the meaning they want it to be in their sex life. There's just all kinds of roadblocks, all kinds of barriers to express affection or to have the energy to play and to have fun together. Especially if you have children that are interfering with those times. Laura Dugger: Certainly. And that's so many people listening today. So in that stage, you mentioned time and energy. How do they carve out their schedule to make sure they save time and energy to connect with one another? Dr. Douglas Rosenau: I think sometimes husbands don't realize, and we're going to talk about aphrodisiacs later, but I don't think husbands realize sometimes that a real aphrodisiac would be them letting their wife go take a bubble bath and them getting the kids ready for bed and reading a story or when they come home from work, maybe taking time to take the kids totally off of her for a while. [00:06:24] That type of... not only does it show concern and her heart will be... and because her heart is more connected, then her body will be more open and desire. But I don't think we think sometimes just things that little gestures like that they can make a real difference with time and energy, like giving the kids a bath, like maybe taking the time to take them out to the park while mom, you know, just... But I think that the other way around, there's also ways that when we look at it, that wives can really be, you know, just with the flirting and just some of those types of things that when you're tired don't come as easy. But I mean, every once in a while my wife will playfully grab my crotch. That's not for her sake. That's for me. You know what I mean? So I think some of those little gestures of just flirtatiousness and flashing them now and again or whatever it is, I think those take a little extra energy, a little extra thoughtfulness, and intentionality both ways to make it. So it's so complex of what gets in the way. A lot of these little things that can make a real difference in terms of just a romantic love life that's invigorating. [00:07:33] Laura Dugger: So, in general, what would you say are a few brakes and accelerators for both genders? Dr. Douglas Rosenau: I think some of the breaks we're already getting at. And that is a big one. There's a book called Secrets of Eve. They studied in thousands of women. When I read that study, I thought, you know what's the biggest break for women? I thought was going to be desire. It's like four on the list. The biggest is fatigue. It's just being tired. Another one that was really a break for wives, especially, was not feeling emotionally connected. Because they really want their husband to make love to them, not just to have sex. So I think that can be a break. So what would be accelerators? Well, part of it would be truly paying attention, you know, making time and maybe the self-nurture working with fatigue with an app or somehow being able to work around that. Just gender differences, too. [00:08:33] I don't think we can walk in each other's shoes fully. It's really difficult at times. Like, young couples will come to me and the wife will say to me, "Why is my husband walking around naked all the time?" And I'll say, "Oh, sweetheart, I think he's walking around naked because that's what he wants you to do." And they'll say to me, "Well, him just hanging out doesn't do much for me." But I say, "Oh, but your body... you're Eve to him. There is an attraction there." I think a break could be just staying in mommy clothes and old sweatshirts and jeans and not dressing up and being sexy. I think a break sometimes was not realizing for the husband a real accelerator is just naked, you know? I was laughing because I was reading one thing on the internet where it's saying that, you know, here's what is really accelerators for wives. There's like pages of, you know, feed the kids and take time to shave and put a little aftershave and do this or that. [00:09:33] And the advice to women were "come naked and have food". That was their advice of the great accelerators. So there's a lot of difference there of what would be a break and accelerator. I think just gender-wise, but some of these are in general. I think like making time, that would be a break and an accelerator to really make time for each other. I think that idea of just being flirtatious and flirting where it doesn't have to lead anywhere, I think that's a real accelerator. So I think there's some of those that would be in common too. Laura Dugger: That's great. I love it. You also teach often about lovemaking as a continuum. Could you break down that continuum for us? Dr. Douglas Rosenau: Okay. So, what I think can happen is if we did it on a continuum of 0 to 10... I oftentimes get couples complaining about duty and pity sex. That it isn't fun for the wife definitely, and it isn't really fun for the husband either. [00:10:34] So I think 0 to 2 is... I usually start with just pity sex. That's one. Well, you know, you need it or, you know... And then the duty sex is, well, this is my responsibility, but it's really not done with gracious giving or any type of real invitation. So what I say is that what we're trying to do is get into nurturing, connecting, and passionate sexuality and lovemaking. So the nurturing lovemaking would be... and I know I'm stereotyping a little bit, but about 80% of relationships, the man is the high drive. More testosterone, will think about sex more frequently, desire more physical release and just enjoyment. To me, if I'm thinking of that, so three and four of nurturing sex would be the wife maybe saying, "You know, I hadn't thought about it all day. I'm really tired, but I know this is a language that really meets your soul needs,…

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    4 Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life With Your Spouse With Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen Sep 17, 2018
    Show notes

    *DISCLAIMER* This episode is intended for adults 4. Fostering a Fun, Healthy Sex Life With Your Spouse With Certified Sex Therapist and Author, Dr. Jennifer Konzen **Transcription Below** Song of Solomon, middle of 5:16 (NIV) “This is my lover, this is my friend,” Dr. Jennifer Konzen is a certified sex therapist, award winning researcher, and international speaker who lives in San Diego, California. She and her husband Time have four kids. She has been a parent educator, a marriage, parenting, and sexuality seminar and conference speaker, and yes, a Broadway showtimes performer (her undergraduate degree is in Musical Theater and Vocal Performance). At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We want you to be aware:We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Dr. Jennifer Konzen’s Website Art of Intimate Marriage by Tim Konzen and Dr. Jennifer Konzen Redeemed Sexuality by Tim Konzen and Dr. Jennifer Konzen Intimate Marriage Cards by Tim Konzen and Dr. Jennifer Konzen Email Dr. Jennifer Konzen Sex and the supremacy of Christ by John Piper and Justin Taylor His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage Five Steps to Romantic Love: A Workbook by Willard E. Harley, Jr. Hot and Holy: The Five Senses of Romantic Love by Sam Laing Thank You to Our Sponsor: Chick-fil-A East Peoria Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” **Transcription** Laura Dugger: Today's message is not intended for little ears. We'll be discussing some adult themes, and I want you to be aware of before you listen to this message. Hey friends, many of you already know that marriage and family therapy is my background, and in graduate school, my specialization was Christian sex therapy. My professors and supervisors had such a profound impact on me. So I wanted to share all of them with you, in addition to a few other professional contacts I've made over the years. I think this is such an important subject that we're actually going to camp out here all week and bring you multiple speakers on this very topic. So I hope you enjoyed this week-long series on sexual wholeness. [00:00:40] <Music> Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. [00:01:07] <Music> Laura Dugger: Thank you for tuning in today as we have the privilege to hear from Dr. Jennifer Konzen. I want to let you know right away that this content is intended for adult listeners as we will be discussing sexual intimacy in marriage. Please use discernment if you have little ears present. Also, this content was designed for couples who are not currently in crisis. If you are in crisis, we would recommend seeking professional local help as soon as possible. Dr. Konzen has an impressive bio because she is a certified sex therapist, award-winning researcher, international speaker, adjunct professor, author, wife, and mother. Today she addresses topics related to overcoming difficulties connecting physically, gender differences related to arousal and desire, and ways to add pizzazz into the marital relationship. [00:02:01] I hope you leave our talk today equipped and encouraged. Today's message is brought to you by Chick-fil-A East Peoria. Stay tuned for insider tips we're going to share during the episode. Laura Dugger: Welcome, Dr. Konzen. Dr. Jennifer Konzen: Well, thank you for having me. Laura Dugger: We are so honored to have you chat with us today. Let's start by laying the foundation for our chat. What does God have to say about sex? Dr. Jennifer Konzen: It's funny because people think there's not much in the Bible about sex, actually. Most people will say it says don't have it till you're married and don't ever turn your husband down. And that's about it. You know, there's a lot more that the Bible has to say with sex, which actually both of those have different questions to them. God says a lot about sex. He actually devotes an entire book of the Bible to it. The Song of Solomon is full of sensuality and sexuality. [00:03:00] So I mean, bottom line, when I'm talking about what God does say about sex, I talk about the overarching view of sexuality within the scriptures. You can see that painted throughout different parts of the Bible. One of my favorites, this is out of Piper and Taylor's Sex and the Supremacy of Christ, is where they explain how when you look at Ezekiel 16 and Ezekiel 23, God's actually addressing the nation of Israel, and He is talking about their idolatry. But he's using the language of adultery. And it's amazing because when you look at it, He is explaining idolatry by using pictures that we get if you're in a married relationship, if you're thinking of getting married. The idea of a spouse being unfaithful, and many who are married have experienced unfaithfulness in their marriages, there's just nothing like the pain of adultery. [00:04:01] God uses this sexual language. He uses the language of adultery in very explicit sexual terms to show us His heart. He wants us to know Him. And that's just really helpful to me. Sexuality isn't this like God's over here and we're over here. You know, you even look at the terms in Matthew 1:25 and Genesis 4:1, those are the terms where it says, Joseph did not ginosko Mary. He did not know Mary, in the Greek, until Jesus was born. And it says in Genesis 4:1, Adam yada Eve. Adam did not know Eve. It's actually the same word in two different languages that means "to know". And when you look at the use of that word throughout both the Old and New Testament, it's talking about a deep intimate knowing of. But that's the word that God uses to describe sexuality, this deep, intimate knowing. So when you look at the overarching view of sexuality, scripturally as far as your question about what does God have to say about it, is that He uses sexuality to connect with us at a heart level. [00:05:08] He wants us to know Him. And then when He describes sexuality, it's about this deep, intimate knowing. It's really important to understand that because sexuality isn't just about the physical act. It's the whole intimate connection between us and another. Actually that word "to know", ginosko and yada, it's the same word that describes our relationship with God when it says "I know the Father and the Father knows me. I know the sheep and they know my voice." It's the same word ginosko there. So that intimate knowing of one another, that's actually the same intimate knowing between Jesus and God, us and God, not because that relationship with God and Jesus is sexual, but because the depth of intimate connection between them is what's supposed to be happening in the sexual relationship. So God's view of sexuality is not at all negative. [00:06:04] It's very, very positive. And it is a way that He then connects with us at a heart level. Laura Dugger: Wow, that is beautifully said. Thank you so much for all the background information, and that is an example- Dr. Jennifer Konzen: Sure. That's a full conference in about two minutes. Laura Dugger: There you go. And speaking of conferences, you do a lot of this and meet with a lot of clients. What sexual education do you often share with people? Dr. Jennifer Konzen: Well, sexual education is vital when I'm working with people. And I think it's vital for most individuals because we don't actually know, number one, how it works, and we don't necessarily know what is common and what I would call normative. So what's normal. So a lot of times people are confused by their bodies or they're confused by what's happening with their spouse. Like, why isn't this working? [00:07:00] A lot of the time when I'm working with men and women, I have to do some educating because there's a misunderstanding of how the sexual body works. Well, the part of it has to do with how long it takes to stimulate somebody to achieve an orgasm. So it takes two to five minutes for the typical male to reach orgasm, and males need direct stimulation to the penis to reach orgasm. Women, on the other hand, when you ask, okay, how long does it take for women to reach orgasm, it takes about 20 to 30 minutes for the typical female. And the challenge with that is people tend to think that women reach orgasm... that all women reach orgasm during intercourse. And that's not even statistically true. Only about 30% of women reach orgasm through intercourse. So if you're expecting that I'm going to have an orgasm through intercourse, you're going to have a slight math problem there. It takes men two to five minutes, it takes women 20 to 30. [00:08:02] So if you're expecting intercourse to get you to orgasm and he's... and this comes up with couples. He's, you know, not lasting long enough. And I've heard this from wives or I've heard husbands who are frustrated that their wives are not reaching orgasm. So you have to do a lot of education around the stimulation specifically, yes, to the female genitalia, that women need really indirect touch. In fact, if you do go directly to the clitoris and vigorously stimulate it, most women will go, Stop. So the indirect touch for women is more meaning the caressing to the entire vulva versus the direct stimulation for men to the penile region. Not only is that difference in where and the type, indirect versus direct, but also in the length of time. So this one piece, educating restimulation is usually pretty helpful. Laura Dugger: That's a great intro. [00:09:00] And even in your book, you will show the pictures of the anatomy and describe exactly what you're talking about. Dr. Jennifer Konzen: Right. Yeah. And that's vital because most women actually don't know where their body parts are, where their sexual body parts are. They're not sure where they urinate from. They don't know where their urethra is. And then men don't know these things either about women. In fact, when I put up the picture of the vulva in conferences, and sometimes I've had a huge screen and the vulva is like 20 feet high, the reality is, it's the men as much as the women that are going, "Oh." Because there's this kind of belief that the clitoris is just the little knobby thing at the top of the vulva and they don't even know it's called the vulva. They'll call the full area the vagina. Actually, the vagina is just the tube that goes into the pelvic floor. The vulva is the entire area. And the clitoris they think it's just that knobby thing at the top. [00:10:02] When actually, the clitoris comes all the way down the legs of the clitoris, come all the way down around the vulva. I actually had a woman say to me, "I just learned that I have two sets of legs," which I thought was hilarious. Laura Dugger: That's clever. Dr. Jennifer Konzen: Yeah, isn't that funny? The reality is, yes, knowing anatomy and understanding the process of stimulation to orgasm, understanding how arousal works, and how the blood flow comes in, understanding how men and women are different around desire. Most men desire sexuality before engaging. Most women, especially post childbirth years, their desire doesn't kick in until they start touching and caressing. So men and women are so radically different. And the physiological differences need to be explained so that couples can find out how to bring each other pleasure physically. Laura Dugger: Absolutely. [00:11:00] And let's camp there for just a moment. You have mentioned that even after childbearing that men and women will experience desire differently. And if that's not explained in culture, it seems like a lot of women think, If I'm not having the same drive as my husband, something's wrong with me. So could you unpack that a little bit more, about gender difference? Dr. Jennifer Konzen: Yeah. Yeah. And let me just say, even as I start to unpack that, is that I do think it's not just a female thing. I do think, like I'd say, of those who come into my office, about 30% of the men have low desire. Meaning their wife has a higher desire. And when our culture tells us that all men want sex, and I've got men in my office and men that we all know in…

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    3 Being Intentional With Our Health, Finances, and Relationships With Business Leader, Writer, and Speaker, Elizabeth Dixon Sep 14, 2018
    Show notes

    3. Being intentional with our health, finances, and relationships with business leader, writer, and speaker, Elizabeth Dixon **Transcription Below** Proverbs 11:25 (NIV) “A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed.” Elizabeth Dixon is currently the Manager of Hospitality Strategy at Corporate Chick-fil-A Inc. in Atlanta, Georgia. Elizabeth previously worked in the department of health and wellness and she is a gifted writer and speaker. She is a devoted wife to John and mother of two young children. She is savvy in countless ways, she is intentional, and she desires to help others excel at what they are doing! At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We want you to be aware:We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Power of Moments Made to Stick A More Beautiful Question Mark of the Lion Series Zack Williams Old Church Choir Thank You to Our Sponsor: Prep Dish Take Advantage of $25 off Premium Subscription here Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” **Transcription** [00:00:00] <music> Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. [00:00:19] <music> Laura Dugger: Hi friends, welcome to this week's chat with wife, mother, wellness expert, and business leader, Elizabeth Dixon. Today we will discuss finances, practical tips for making nutrition and fitness a priority, and personal development tips to stay motivated to continue growing and developing. You are going to love the energy Elizabeth brings today. I hope you enjoy the chat. Did you know Prep Dish meals were created to help you save time and put home-cooked meals on the table? No more mealtime stress! Developed by chef and dietitian, Allison, Prep Dish is a healthy, whole-food-based meal plan subscription service. Allison does all the planning for you, including the easy-to-follow shopping lists and prep-ahead instructions so that you know what to prepare and when. Just imagine all of your meals prepped and ready to go for the entire week. We like to call this Mealtime Bliss. Keep listening to find out more. [00:01:28] Elizabeth and I met over a decade ago when we were both living in Atlanta and she has always had the best reputation. She is savvy in countless ways, she's intentional, and she desires to help others excel at what they're doing. Currently, Elizabeth is the Manager of Hospitality Strategy at Corporate Chick-fil-A. Actually, today we're thrilled to be recording in Orlando as we are meeting with 6,000 of our friends at the annual Chick-fil-A conference. Welcome, Elizabeth. Elizabeth Dixon: Thank you. Honored to be here. Laura Dugger: Well, it's so wonderful to get a chat with you today. Let's just start. Can you give us a snapshot of your life? Elizabeth Dixon: Yes. Right now in our season of life, I'm married to my best friend and the love of my life, John. We met through Chick-fil-A, so we call that a Chick-fil-A-tionship. Then we have a precious little four-year-old boy and a little two-year-old girl that are just complete joy, full of energy, abundant questions and curiosity, which definitely inspires me in many ways to stay curious. [00:02:38] Laura Dugger: Well, we love your family. Something inspiring about Elizabeth, for all you listeners who don't know her yet, she is someone who aligns her values with her actions. Elizabeth, you have a full plate, yet you're managing your different roles well. Can you share how you're doing this? Elizabeth Dixon: Well, I'm honored to hear you say that. It's certainly something I aspire towards. Not every day is perfect, but I think that it's interesting to be in the season of life that I'm in. My dream was to be a wife and a mom. And then to find myself that the Lord had plans to put me in the corporate career world first and then bless me with meeting and marrying my husband and having babies, it's interesting because it's a life that I absolutely love, but I never anticipated it would look like this. [00:03:31] I never thought I'd have these plates spinning. So I think it's a really important question to first assess what are those values and then ask, how are my choices aligning to those? It reminds me of a quote I saw on the wall three weeks ago. I was out in Waco visiting Magnolia Market, and we've gotten to do some work with them as they think about their customer experience. And I saw this quote. It said, "It's not hard to make decisions when you know what your values are." Roy Disney. And I was really inspired by that. Like the man who created Disney World, thinking about how your decisions become easy when you know what your values are. Personally, the next day I was asked to go speak at an event, and I was very honored at that, but it didn't align. And it was really hard. And I think that's a reminder, certainly for myself, that it doesn't make the decision easy when you know what your values are, but it gives you peace. [00:04:36] That you know we have a certain amount of boundaries of nights away that I'll be away from the kids, and we try to limit that as much as possible, even if that means taking a round-trip flight in a day. I want to be home at bedtime to tuck my little ones in. So it doesn't always make, for me, the decision easy, but it makes me have peace that it's the right thing to do because I know what those values are. We've had to sit down and write those in different seasons. What are those boundaries? What are those key things that are important for our marriage, for our family, whatever elements that we're involved in, whether that's work or philanthropy, whatever? What are those boundaries? And then it allows us to be able to say yes and no. I remember hearing, too, an author talk about how when you say yes to one thing, you're actually saying no to thousands of other things. Even though in that moment it feels like it's so painful to say no, you're actually then saying yes to your priorities. [00:05:44] So I think that can be a really interesting concept to think about that by saying no, you're saying yes to what matters. Laura Dugger: That's great. Really living your life on purpose. Elizabeth Dixon: Yeah, absolutely. Personally, I found a great way to assess, because I think we can drift, I can drift easily, because, oh, there's a great opportunity, I want to say yes, and okay, well, let's realign, rewrite our values. No, not the answer. So it's easy to drift. But for us in our family, and I heard this years ago, but the best way to look at what your priorities are is to look at your checkbook and your calendar. The two elements in life that are fungible, you can spend them any way you want, but you can only spend them one time, is time and money. And so when you look at where you're spending those resources, it's really clarifying to go, really, what is priority in life? Laura Dugger: I love that. What are some examples of ways... let's start with your checkbook. Do you make sure that your checkbook is aligning with your values? [00:06:53] Elizabeth Dixon: Well, it was a very painful process in the first year of our marriage when he was called budget boy, my husband, insisted that we keep every receipt. I hated that because I've always been a saver, but I didn't want to keep a budget. I think deep down, I just didn't want to be held accountable to it. And so it was very painful that first year. But one practical thing for us is keeping a budget and saying, "This is where we ultimately want to be. This is what financial freedom is. This is what our dreams are. And so, therefore, this is our allotted amount to spend. And that's just important for our family." So I think budgeting. Then the other is a rule, per se, that I had growing up that I actually love now, did not at the time, which is the two-week rule. I realized later in life that this was not something anybody else had in their upbringings. [00:07:53] Where the two-week rule came from was I was in a Toys R Us with my brother and my mom and I saw this puffy pink yellow and purple journal that I really wanted to buy and it had this little locket part where you would put the key on the front and I was enamored with it. Well, my birthday was two weeks away, and little did I know my brother had bought me this beautiful leather-bound journal with gold leaf paper and I insisted, though, on buying this purple, pink, and yellow puffy journal. Well, when my brother saw me buy that, he took the journal that he bought for me back, and I never got it. And I was devastated when I found that out. Well, somehow within that circumstance, my parents had instituted that we would have a two-week rule. That you could identify anything you wanted in a store, but you had to wait two weeks before you could come back and buy it. [00:08:49] Because inevitably you wouldn't want it anymore, similar to that pink puffy journal. So growing up, you know, you get older, you graduate college, and you go off to live life, and then you suddenly find yourself in a mall with your friends, and you identify a pair of shoes you like or whatever, and your friend says, "You should buy them," and when you look at them and say, "Well, I have to wait two weeks." And they look at you like you're crazy, and you look at them like, I mean, why wouldn't I wait two weeks? And then you have to explain that it's just become ingrained in you that the two-week rule is a part of living. But it's been really helpful, because it's true. Whether it's a lamp I want for the family room or a pair of shoes or something, if I don't love it in two weeks, I will have regretted buying it anyway. And you can only spend your money once. That's been a practical, helpful tool: budgeting and keeping the two-week rule alive. Laura Dugger: I love that. Great examples. [00:09:50] You also have a history of work in the field of health and wellness. Can you share some of your best practices with us? Elizabeth Dixon: Sure. So prior to being in marketing and leading hospitality strategy, I was fascinated by the human body. God has created such an incredible human body. I worked in wellness to create wellness programs for companies and specifically at Chick-fil-A. So through that process, it was critical that I lived it out myself. It's hard to teach something if you don't practice it. The challenge for me came after having kids. So I think before there was a little bit more discretionary time that was truly about the discipline of making it a priority. But then after having kids, it's like, wow, I've got to get up early. That's what works for me now is I get up before the sun comes up and before my little babies are up and get my exercise in. And I think going by a motto of some is better than none and more is better than some, [00:11:01] so some days it might just be 15 minutes or it might be one mile or it might be 10 push-ups. But it's something moving towards that goal of being healthy physically and being the kind of mother that I want to be, having the energy for all the priorities that I have in life. I think having that "some is better than none and more is better than some." The other thing I think is having a passionate "why". I think it's really easy to hit snooze and roll over and not do it. Or maybe someone's time to exercise or eat well is later. But I think having a compelling why is critical for me to make sure that I practically apply. Laura Dugger: That's a great point. What would you say your practical "why" is? Elizabeth Dixon: My practical "why" is that I want to have the energy for all of the priorities in my life. I think I notice at the end of the day, if I don't exercise and if I eat poorly... and by eating poorly, a practical tip that I've learned is just eating those small bits every three to four hours. My energy lasts so much longer if I just eat those little meals where you feel like you could go for a walk. You don't feel lethargic and you need to sit down, but you're just eating those small meals throughout the day. [00:12:24] I have that energy at the end of the day to play with my kids. I want to be able to…

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    2 God-Honoring Relationship Between a Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law With Author, Annie Chapman Sep 12, 2018
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    2. God-Honoring Relationship Between a Mother-in-Law and Daughter-in-Law with author of The Mother-in-Law Dance Annie Chapman **Transcription Below** Proverbs 16:24(Berean Study Bible) “Pleasant words are a honeycomb, Sweet to the soul and health to the body.” Genesis 2:24 (NKJV) “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Philippians 2:4 (NIV) “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Annie Chapman is the author of “The Mother-in-Law Dance: Can Two Women Love the Same Man and Still Get Along?” In addition to being an author of many books,Annie is wife to Steve, mother to 2 adult children, and grandmother to 6. Her perspective as both a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law brings unique clarity to this discussion. At The Savvy Sauce, we only recommend resources we believe in! We want you to be fully aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. The Mother-in-Law Dance: Can Two Women Love the Same Man and Still Get Along? By Annie Chapman Thank You to Our Sponsor: Leman Property Management Company Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” **Transcription** [00:00:00] <music> Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. [00:00:17] <music> Laura Dugger: Hey everyone! Today's episode is brought to you by one of my favorite brands in Central Illinois, Leman Property Management. With over 1,600 apartment homes in all price ranges throughout Morton, Pekin, Peoria, Washington, and Canton, they can find the perfect spot for you. Check them out at midwestshelters.com or like them on Facebook by searching Leman, L-E-M-A-N, Property Management Company. Thanks for sponsoring today's episode. Today I get to interview Annie Chapman. She built her career with her husband as a singer and speaker. Additionally, Annie is an author. She is married to Steve, mother to two adult children, and grandmother to six. The book that we're going to focus on today is one that Annie has written, titled The Mother-in-Law Dance. Here's our chat. [00:01:21] Welcome, Annie. Annie Chapman: Well, hello, Laura. I'm glad to be with you today. Laura Dugger: It is such an honor to host you today. Can you start us off by telling us about your background and your reason for writing this book? Annie Chapman: Well, I've written a lot of books, but this was really a labor of love and fun because I am both a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law. I've been a mother-in-law for 18 years, a daughter-in-law going on 44 years, and have lots of friends that have mother-in-law, daughter-in-law issues. So I wanted to do something to address that and to be an encouragement because I think this relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law is so important. For one reason, it's that prize in between. It's the man. I call the book The Mother-in-Law Dance, but the subtitle is probably more important than anything, because it asks the question, Can Two Women Love the Same Man and Still Get Along? I believe that the answer is yes, but not without a lot of work and a lot of humility and servant's heart on both sides. [00:02:34] Laura Dugger: Well, we would love to hear more about the foundation of this book. What is your theology on role models for the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship? Annie Chapman: Well, there's actually two sections of scripture I found that really deal with the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship. One, of course, we're all familiar with, Naomi and Ruth and the beautiful relationship that they had that started off really rocky in that Naomi was a Jewish mother, probably, we believe, came from a wealthy family and had their two sons. They were from Bethlehem, but they had moved to Moab because of a famine. And so they were able to escape the poverty that they were in and go to someplace that was more conducive to living. They had the money to go, so we believe that they were more on a wealthy side. Then you have poor Naomi's sons. She would have loved for them to have married good Jewish girls, I'm sure. But they chose their wives from Moab and ended up with Ruth being a part of her family. [00:03:44] And so it started out sad because, of course, the sons and the husband died. At that beautiful declaration of love, we even had at our wedding, and many people do, "Don't make me leave. Wherever you live, I'll live; wherever you die, I'll die and let nothing separate us." That beautiful declaration of love that was between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law who didn't have a whole lot in common. The mother-in-law actually, when she came back to Bethlehem, they called her Naomi and she said, "No, I want to change my name because I'm bitter of soul" because she had lost so much. So you think about Ruth trying to love maybe this prickly woman who had a lot of disappointments in her life and yet their love between them extended to the place where Ruth was included in the genealogy of Jesus the Christ. [00:04:43] The second one that I really didn't notice when I wrote the book was between Rebecca and the daughters-in-law, plural, of Esau. They were the Hittite women. And she said to her husband, "Isaac, if Jacob marries women like this, I don't want to live any longer." So you can see the extremes of the mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship, even in the scriptures of one saying, "Wherever you die, I'm going to be buried," and the other one says, "I want to die if you stay in my life." Laura Dugger: That's incredible. I've never thought of it that way of those two. Thanks for highlighting it. Does this look different for mothers of sons and mothers of daughters? Annie Chapman: Oh, it's completely different. When I wrote the book, I did surveys all across the country and then I had my daughter actually compile the data off the surveys. My daughter's friends knew she was working on this project with me. [00:05:41] One of the girls said, "Why is it so much harder for my mom to let go of my brother than it is for her to let go of me?" Because she could see the conflict in the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law in their family. And my daughter asked me, and I said, "That is so simple. The mother never lets go of her daughter, but she has to let go of her son." It is the biblical mandate where it says, "A man shall," not should, not will, not maybe, "a man shall leave his mother and father and cling to his wife and the two shall become one." And that marriage is such a mystery. It's even compared to Christ and the bride, Jesus, and His bride, the church. It's such a spiritual state that the scripture says he has to leave his mom and dad so he can become the husband to this woman and their marriage can be that picture of Christ and the bride. [00:06:46] There's an old poem: A daughter is a daughter all of her life. A son is a son until he takes a wife. As sad as that seems to me as a mother, as a daughter-in-law, I see that that is really important and imperative that that be the case. And God has arranged it such. Laura Dugger: I love how you relate everything back to what the Bible says. So, biblically speaking, who is called to lead this relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law? Annie Chapman: Well, I do call this a dance. And I call it the mother-in-law dance for a very good reason, because in a way, we are dance partners that did not choose each other. The mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law did not choose each other. They were chosen for each other. Even the very word mother-in-law means the law has declared that these two women are now mother and daughter. That sometimes is a really good fit. Sometimes it's an easy relationship. They just ease into it. It's all good. But sometimes it's rough as a cob. [00:08:00] In the analogy of dancing, you think, okay, two people are put out on a floor and they're told to dance. Sometimes you step on toes, sometimes it looks really awkward, sometimes it's not very pretty, but it's a dance nonetheless, and it's a very fragile, fragile dance. When I was doing the survey, I asked the question, tell me something that's been difficult for you as a daughter-in-law. Well, this woman just immediately came to her... she had her answer. She said, "30 years ago," now you imagine right on the tip of her tongue, "30 years ago at my wedding, I overheard my mother-in-law telling her sister that I looked fat in my wedding gown." Okay, there's 30 years of hurt feelings and grudge. Now, if this was two men that got offended 30 years ago, they take it out in the yard, they duke it out, they shake hands and it's over. [00:09:02] Women, they will carry that grudge to the grave." And she did. She was still hurt and angry after 30 years because her mother-in-law had said something very unkind. That's that dance that is so fragile. That in itself is another reason I wanted to write this book. I'll tell you the story that was the genesis of this book. Talking to a friend. We saw each other at the airport. We were both coming back from trips. I said, "What you been doing?" She said, "Well, we went out to see my son and his wife 1,500 miles, long ways away." They had moved into a new house, so they went out to see everybody. Been six months. They walked into the house, the house is still full of boxes, the bed was not made. The sheets were dirty. Her son was trying to change the bed. No food prepared. Her son was scavenging through the freezer trying to find a frozen pizza to feed his parents. No preparation. [00:10:06] Then the mother-in-law found out that the daughter-in-law was going to a function at church that was designed for mothers and daughters. She just thought, "Okay, now I'm gonna be invited to this function. I'm gonna get to know my daughter-in-law a little better. We're gonna have a fun evening." The day came, no invitation. The daughter-in-law gets dressed, she leaves the mother-in-law standing there, never even invited her. The mother-in-law locks herself in the bedroom and starts crying all evening. The son is wringing his hands saying, "What's wrong with mom?" The mother-in-law comes out and says, "I will never ever come back here again." She was relaying this story to me, and I thought, "Look at that. Who knows if ever this relationship will ever be repaired for a thoughtless..." That was rude of the daughter-in-law, but boy, did that mother-in-law take it to heart." [00:11:03] And I thought, "This is what people live with. The mother-in-law, daughter-in-law relationship is so fragile but so important, I wanted to help." Laura Dugger: That's so sad to hear how relationships can be tainted over words. So biblically, who is called to lead this relationship? Annie Chapman: I have to say that the mother is the one to lead, and she leads by backing off. In the book, I wrote a section that to me kind of depicts what goes on actually on the wedding day. And if I may, I'll read this. "The candles are lit. The room glows with a soft yellow hue. The groom, the pastor, and the wedding party are in place at the altar. As all eyes eagerly watched the closed door at the chapel's entrance, suddenly the air is changed from the sweet stillness of anticipation to the first notes of the beautiful music chosen for the wedding processional. [00:12:02] As the doors swing open, the bride's heart races at the sound of the melodic cue to make the long-awaited slow walk down the aisle of matrimony. But as the song plays, the lovely bride does not realize that she is not the only lady in the room who has been cued by the music. Her mother-in-law-to-be is also called to respond to the melody. While the young woman in white moves gracefully with the music toward her chosen one, the song calls the mother of the groom to graciously step to the side. In reality, the wedding processional is not just for the bride. It is also a cue for a lifelong dance to begin for two special women in one man's life." I don't know if you can tell, but when I read that, ev…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    1 Finding Your Purpose as a Mom With Author and Podcaster, Courtney DeFeo Sep 10, 2018
    Show notes

    1. Finding Your Purpose as a Mom with Courtney DeFeo, Founder of Lil Light O’ Mine and Author of In This House We Will Giggle **Transcription Below** 2 Peter 1:5 (ESV) “For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge," Courtney DeFeo left her corporate career to work as a mom, homemaker, and business owner. She published a book In This House, We Will Giggle, among many other initiatives, such as speaking, podcasting, and running her business called “Lil Light O’ Mine”. Courtney is now living in Dallas, TX with her husband Ron and their two wildly creative and sweet girls. At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend products we believe it! And we want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Courtney’s Website ABC Scripture Cards Virtue Memory Cards Leading Girls Podcast (Now Called Treasured) Light ‘em up acts of kindness Jeannie Cunnion Mom Set Free Book Jeannie Cunnion Mom Set Free Bible Study Thank You to Our Sponsor: Chick-fil-A East Peoria Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents. Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” **Transcription** [00:00:00] <music> Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. [00:00:17] <music> Laura Dugger: Hey everyone, today we get to chat with Courtney DeFeo. After Courtney left her corporate job, she worked as a homemaker, mom, and also started her own business called Little Light of Mine. Her mission is to empower moms and change little lives through innovation in the home. Courtney also is a speaker and an author. Her book is called In This House, We Will Giggle. Courtney now lives in Dallas, Texas with her husband, Ron, and their two girls. I hope you enjoy our chat. Today's message is brought to you by Chick-fil-A East Peoria. Stay tuned for insider tips we're going to share during the episode. Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Courtney. Courtney DeFeo: Hello. I almost said "welcome". Welcome to you. Welcome to the conversation. Laura Dugger: Fantastic. For anybody who doesn't know you yet, can you give us a current snapshot of who you are and what you like to do? Courtney DeFeo: Absolutely. Well, my name is Courtney DeFeo. You know, for most people, they don't know, unless you're a Spanish speaking person, DeFeo means "of ugly". I'd like to just throw that out there for anyone. I did not know until I married my husband. I mean, what a secret to be kept! So that's amazing. And raising two girls, and I have to tell them that. Imagine just saying, like, "No, you're beautiful, and your name means 'of ugly'." This is so random. But we have two girls. One is turning nine on Saturday, and the other is 11. It's Ella and Larson. We currently live in Texas, but I say currently because I just never know. My husband is a smarty pants, gets recruited all over. [00:02:00] He's currently doing a job for American Airlines. But I kind of just hold on to my seat. We grew up in Georgia, loved that state, and then we moved to Florida for four years and did the Disney thing around the clock, which was awesome. Now we're in Texas. I'm most excited about being a mom. I think I'm better as a mom that I'm a wife. The wife thing is harder work for me. I just naturally think of my kids all day. That's embarrassing to admit, but I really do have to 'poor thing', my poor husband. I'm like, "Oh, yeah you. On, yes. Oh, I forgot you." Laura Dugger: Well, you've learned a lot on your motherhood journey and I would just love for you to share a few of those lessons with us. Courtney DeFeo: It is not easy to be a mom in this age of Pinterest and Instagram. I know everybody that comes on your podcast will probably say that, but it's true. You know, there's never been another time where you can open your phone and see mother's killing it. You're like, "Whoa! She has five kids and she's a size zero and she runs like four ministries and she's happy about it and she's running on her way." So it's just a hard time. I would just say don't be so hard on yourself because I am my worst critic. I'm looking at a picture right now in front of me of me holding my sweet little cutie, Larson, who was maybe two at the time. I was so critical of everything that I did. Every move that went wrong with them, I blamed myself. [00:03:25] I would just probably go back and enjoy it a little bit more, hold them a little bit longer, definitely play with them longer, and definitely not feel the pressure to change the world and fix everything. So you'll feel that tension in the conversation we're about to have is that God did some neat things in the past seven years through my ministry, but my heartbeat at the end of the day is that these two girls know that they're loved, they know God, and that I've had some really intentional time being with them because it flies. Laura Dugger: Let's start with somebody who's listening, maybe they're a new mom, how would you recommend they find their purpose as a mom? Courtney DeFeo: When you have little kids, you can get in this rut of like, Is this Groundhog's Day? So, every day, you're like, Oh my word, it's the same thing. And you have kind of big expectations before you have kids. I had a list of things I was never going to do. Like, I'm never going to wear that, or I'm never going to feed them that, or I'm always going to... You know, you just have a vision. And then when you get here, the reality of they need to be fed and changed, and you're just kind of managing chaos a lot of your day. That was hard for me to bump up kind of my ideals and dreams of what I wanted to accomplish with the reality of like, I need to make it to dinnertime. [00:04:41] So maybe a goal is like, I want them to be a leader in their class and I want them to change the world or be a pastor. And then you've got that reality of like, I just want them to stay out of jail. Your goals just change drastically when you actually have humans in your house. So I think to find purpose within that thing, one of the things I did was I kind of got angry about it. I was like, "I'm not going to wait." So you could just buckle down and say, "Okay, I'm going to survive for the next 15 years and then be intentional. Or you could say, "How do I figure out how to have a purpose and be intentional during the chaos? So it's not like after. Because if you waited till after, they [inaudible 00:05:22] or they would graduate. So during the chaos, that was kind of how the book and my ABC Scripture Cards came about. I'm like, how do I do this during the mess? So if you look at Deuteronomy 6:7, it talks about that we teach them and impress them as we go about life. It says, as you walk around the road, talk to them about faith. That verse gave me such freedom to say, that's my purpose. As I put them to bed, because I have to do that every night, how can I sprinkle in talks about how much Jesus loves them or who they are made to be and how much I love them. [00:05:55] That's how this actually become a time that I say, "Hey, let me tell you a little bit about your body and how you can protect yourself." Or "do you have any questions?" Or "Is there anything you don't like?" So as we go, we are just having conversations. And doesn't that feel more doable to you to say like, I already have to do these things a hundred times in a week? I can just be intentional about the things they already have to do. Does that help at all? Laura Dugger: Absolutely. That's so freeing to not be adding one more thing to our to-do list, but really to maximize the opportunities in front of us already. Courtney DeFeo: Yeah. I think it's going... especially if you've left a career, you can... and I left a big one. I was a Chick-fil-A person doing marketing. So things that you saw on your bags, decisions I made around the chain of Chick-fil-A, decisions I made, if I had a new promotion, it happened. If I had an idea about Cow Appreciation Day, everyone did it. If I had an idea about a billboard, it was on every billboard. So you go from that to being in a home where you're lonely and people are crying and fighting, and you're like, "Where's the promotion? Like, where's the glamor? No one's caring about my big ideas over here. [00:07:06] So it can be very deflating and you can feel very unheard and very unseen. So in that place, you're going, "God, remind me that this job matters and remind me that the decisions I'm making outside of the diapers do matter." And so it does. And so you have to continually battle that. I think that's why you see so many of us online if we're honest, it's like we're looking for affirmation. We're looking for someone to say, You matter. You're doing good. Keep up the great work. I think we have to be careful that we go, Are we looking for purpose in our starting our small businesses and affirmation and identity? Are we honestly looking to use our gifts to glorify God? That is a thing I constantly wrestle with to go, "Lord, am I doing this for the right motive? Am I doing this because I really want to go after You and serve You or am I doing this because I'm feeling frustrated in my job as a mom? Let me give you just two practical ways for purpose. Go back to your question. Okay? So in my little days, one of the things I saw was a really big opportunity that they needed me. I was like, I'm not just giving them lunch. My kids needed me to teach them how to play. And so when your kids are really little, do not underestimate that they literally don't know how to play. This will give you also relief to know at some point if you teach them how to play... and maybe some of you are rolling your eyes like, I hate to play. Well, I know. Some people are like, I hate to play Barbies. Yes, I know. [00:08:28] But if you teach them, at some point, they will play by themselves, imagine this, and you will walk away. There will be a time when your two kids will start playing together for hours and you won't even know what's happening. You're like, what is happening right now? I've been sitting here and they're playing and they're content. But it doesn't happen overnight and they don't have the skills right away to be able to do that. So one of the things I did is I created these little playboxes. We would get those plastic shoe boxes from Target and I would put in things. One of them was a hair salon. And I would just get stuff. They didn't want toy stuff, they wanted real stuff. I would get like a spray bottle, I would get like fake scissors, they're not real scissors, you know, foam rollers from the dollar store. I would get a comb. And they have held on to that play salon, I'm telling you, for like 10 years. And they played... They called it Hearts and Horses Salon. And it wasn't out all the time, but every now and then when they would get bored or I would get frustrated, I would go, "Girls, go get your Heart and Horses Salon." They have done people's hair for like 10 years. I mean, like grandparents, you know, when they come in, they're getting a hairdo. That helps their creativity. It creates their imagination to not pick up a screen to go like, I can create something. Another one was Play-Doh. I had a kindergarten teacher say, "I get so many kids that come in and they don't know what to do with Play-Doh." [00:09:46] Some of you are cringing because you hate the mess, but they need to know how to create something with nothing, to sit there for 10 minutes and do something alone with their imagination. That became a purpose. I have a role here. I have a job. I may not ever want to homeschool them, but for these couple hours, I can teach them how to play and share. You'll start noticing what they like to play together and you'll see these imaginations bloom and you'll see the leader... Always be the boss and the leader. And you'll see their little personalities come out. And you'll see them create worlds out of stuff. They need to be kids and to…

    Full show notes at the publisher

    0 Backstory of The Savvy Sauce and Introduction to the Team Sep 10, 2018
    Show notes

    0. Introduction to The Savvy Sauce **Transcription Below** Revelation 12:11a (AMP) “And they overcame and conquered him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony," Laura Dugger loves Jesus, is married to her best friend, Mark, and is a joyful mom to (update: 4) beloved daughters. She acquired a Bachelor’s Degree in Psychology from Illinois State University before receiving her Master’s Degree from Richmont Graduate University with a specialization in Christian sex therapy. As a licensed marriage and family therapist, she started her career seeing clients in a private practice in California, then taught as an adjunct professor in Indiana before creating The Savvy Sauce while living in central Illinois. She and Mark have moved 9 times in marriage and now Laura is excited to combine her love of people, curiosity, and learning through questions to start her dream job as host of The Savvy Sauce. Natalie Baker loves the Lord and is a wife, mom, nurse, and sound engineer for The Savvy Sauce podcast. She grew up in a small town in the Midwest where she and her husband returned to raise their 3 children. She has a Bachelor’s degree in the Science of Nursing and is a Certified Wound, Ostomy, and Continence Nurse with a background in Wound Care and Hyperbaric Oxygen Medicine. These days, Natalie can most likely be found at home with her sweet and active 3-year old son, experimenting in the kitchen for her husband, or coordinating her 7- and 9-year old daughters’ Irish dance, swim, gymnastics, drama, rock climbing, and soccer schedules. She is a lover of Jesus, coffee, and travel. She is happiest when road-tripping with her husband and kids. Lauren Sauder has been married to her husband, Steven, for 10 years and keeps busy with 3 little kids-a son and two daughters. She graduated from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign with a double major in Education and Spanish and attended graduate school at Moody Bible Institute for Spiritual Formation. She and her husband were missionaries in Thailand for 6 years where they started a real estate company and a food truck. They have since moved back to Central Illinois and Lauren likes to call herself an "accidental farmer's wife". Being from a big city, small-town farm life has been an adjustment, but she loves the community and slower pace of life. When she's not having dance parties with her kids, you can find Lauren in the kitchen cooking or running the social media outlets for The Savvy Sauce. Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Our Favorite Things… Life: Beautiful Magazine Fair & Simple Linen Origami Pouches Liv Thai Bracelet Samples of encouraging Scripture God revealed as we pursued launching The Savvy Sauce: Luke 7:47 (NIV) “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven-for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.” Luke 1:45 (NIV) “Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!” Matthew 6:33 (KJV) “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” Proverbs 4:5 (AMP) “Get [skillful and godly] wisdom! Acquire understanding [actively seek spiritual discernment, mature comprehension, and logical interpretation]! Do not forget nor turn away from the words of my mouth.” James 1:22 (NIV) “Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says.” Mark 12:29-31 (NIV) “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” Mission: We exist to invite you to a space to meet with Jesus and be filled to overflowing Our prayer for The Savvy Sauce: Dear God, we ask that The Savvy Sauce will be a loving, safe, warm, welcoming, inclusive, encouraging, generous and fun environment, where we do hear Your Word and we understand how to apply it personally! We ask you, God, to use Your Holy Spirit to specifically and uniquely speak to everyone who listens. In Jesus Name, we pray, Amen! Laura's Values: Reminders for her to personally to stay on track…feel free to hold her accountable: 1. Be inspired. 2. Share! 3. Sow generously 4. Don’t compare! We believe all Truth is God’s Truth. We don’t feel the responsibility to agree with 100% of each guest’s beliefs, but we do believe our guests have been given some piece of God-given wisdom and we want to do our part to share it with you! Some guests you may agree with more than others, but we encourage you to help us make this a safe, inviting, welcoming space where we can have these candid conversations and hopefully learn something new to apply to our life to make each day a little bit better and brighter! That’s the heart behind this podcast 😃 Thanks for joining us! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” **Transcription** [00:00:00] <music> Laura Dugger: Welcome to the Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. [00:00:17] <music> Laura Dugger: Hey friends! We're so glad that you're here, and we wanted to let our first episode be an introduction to our team, where we can also share the backstory behind The Savvy Sauce. If you prefer not to listen to all these background details, simply click over to Episode 1, where we have a fantastic guest waiting for you. If you do choose to stick around, we're going to hear from our current team, our editor and my sister, Natalie Baker, our social media lead, Lauren Sauter, and me, your host, Laura Dugger. We'll then briefly share how The Savvy Sauce came to be, and near the end of this episode, we're going to let you know how to participate in our first Rafflecopter giveaway. Okay, so let's get started. Natalie, can you tell us more about yourself? Natalie Baker: You bet. So, sis, you and I were raised in a Bible-believing, church-going family. We were surrounded by a wonderful community of believers. [00:01:19] When I graduated high school, I decided I wanted to become a nurse, and I chose a state university with a four-year nursing program. I had heard from a bunch of family and friends that the program was really difficult once you got into your junior year. And I guess I kind of took that as a challenge to have as much fun the first two years as I could. So I started attending parties on a weekly basis. I really was just looking for ways to have the most fun. But there was this large group of students from our hometown and from our church, and they would get together every week for Bible study. And I noticed they had a support group, they seemed to be having a great time, a lot more so than I seemed to be having at the parties I was going to, and they had a purpose to what they were doing. The more I sort of evaluated the Christian life, the more I decided I was crazy not to want it, but I still had no idea what it meant to live as a Christian. I gave my life to Christ one night after talking and praying with our brother and some friends. [00:02:21] And I will never forget the feeling of peace that washed over me as I was beginning to just understand what it meant to live for Him. Growing up, we had memorized scripture, we had read the Bible, we had gone to Sunday school, and I felt like I had a pretty good knowledge of what was in the Bible, but I had never experienced the joy and intimacy of really knowing the God of the Bible. And I was so humbled at how much He cares for us, each individually. Not long after becoming a Christian, I formed a small, close group of friends, including my amazing husband, Luke. And I wouldn't say it was necessarily love at first sight, because we are two strong personalities who often disagreed, but I had so much respect for him. He's extremely intellectual, and I enjoyed being challenged when I was around him. By the time I graduated the nursing program, God was working in each of our hearts to bring us together, and we will celebrate our 15-year anniversary this December. We have three sweet children, two daughters and one son, ages 9, 7, and 3, who keep us busy with all sorts of fun activities, and never cease to amaze us with their curiosity and endless energy. [00:03:26] We love to travel every chance we can get, and we're trying to preserve that sense of wonder that our kids have about the world around them. My greatest joy and challenge is to be a good wife and mom to the wonderful family God has entrusted to me. Laura Dugger: We couldn't be more thrilled to have you here, so thank you for sharing your story. Lauren, you're up. Will you share a snapshot of your story? Lauren Sauter: Okay, so I grew up in a Christian home as well. When I was in third grade, my mom had a near-death experience. We were at my brother's Little League baseball game, and she had a cardiac arrest. She was clinically pronounced dead for more than 10 minutes. It was a very traumatic experience as a nine-year-old, but by a complete miracle, she survived and ended up making a full recovery. As I look back, I can realize and see that it marked my life as a 9-year-old and kind of put me on a path of believing in Jesus. I remember her coming home from the hospital, sitting me down, and telling me that she had gone to heaven. [00:04:27] She explained in full detail, telling me how beautiful it was, how at peace she was. She talked about this warm, embracing light she felt, the people she saw, and how she didn't want to leave. That was something that was striking to me as a little girl, very attached to her mom. The fact that, you know, my mom had three young kids, a 9, 11, and 13-year-old, and how she had gone to heaven and didn't want to leave. So that kind of really struck me. She had told me that she had this conversation with her grandma while she was there, and her grandma had told her that she had to go back, and my mom said that she didn't want to. She wanted to stay in heaven forever. But her grandma had said, "You can come back, but now's not your time. Go take care of your husband and your kids." And so that was when she woke up in the hospital. So from a pretty young age, I felt like I understood, as much as I could, and grasped that heaven was a very real place and that faith in Jesus was the way to heaven. [00:05:30] So that kind of put me on this path of following Jesus. And I would say, though I had ups and downs throughout the course of my teen years, I still had a really strong faith in Jesus. I ended up going to college at the University of Illinois, so fast forward through a lot of years, but somehow, by the time I had graduated college, I had fallen in love with a farmer and wanted to be a missionary. So, if you would have known me growing up, you would know how funny that was. I grew up in a swanky suburb outside of Chicago and honestly didn't even know that farmers still existed. So it was a very different plan than the one I had growing up. But like most things, God's plan is always better. I married my husband, Steven, a couple years after we graduated, and we headed off to Thailand as missionaries. My husband is an entrepreneur at heart, and so we went there to do a thing called Business as Mission, which is just essentially starting a business to help impact the community, your customers, and your employees. [00:06:39] We thought it was a great way that we could use our gifts while also allowing just a lot of opportunities for us to bless those in Thailand. And so, yeah, I think it would be impossible to sum up our time in Thailand in a couple of minutes, so I'll just say that it was really hard, but God was faithful even when we weren't. We were in Thailand for six years, and now we have been in central Illinois for about two years. We have three kids, and my husband is farming, and so now I'm learning how to be a farmer's wife. My vision for The Savvy Sauce and social media, if I could sum it up in one sentence, I would say I want to use social media for good. I just want it to be a space that allows people to connect. We want to hear from you guys. We want to hear your stories and see how listeners are applying what they're learning from the podcast into their everyday life. [00:07:39] We also just want it to be a place for pictures of giveaway winners, feel like you're a part of a greater community, share your best practices of what you're learning, and any upcoming Savvy Sauce announcements.…

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