Show notes
9. Self-Care in Motherhood With Karen Stubbs, Founder of Birds on a Wire **Transcription Below** James 1:5 (NIV) “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” Karen Stubbs is the founder and leader of Birds on a Wire, a ministry designed to equip moms through truth, encouragement and community. She is the author of 3 books, Letters to Moms, Moments with God and Tips on Motherhood. She has also developed small group curricula for moms that is being used across the United States and in nine countries. Karen is the wife of Greg Stubbs and they have four grown children. She is passionate about challenging moms to experience motherhood in the way God intended it for them and their families. At The Savvy Sauce, we only recommend resources we believe in! We want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. Karen’s Website Karen’s Podcast Books by Karen Stubbs: Moments With God for Moms: 365 Devotions Moments With God for Moms: 365 Devotions-Lux Leather Edition 80 Tips on Motherhood Six Truths Of Motherhood - Study Guide Personality Plus for Parents by Florence Littauer The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman The Five Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell Thank You to Our Sponsor: Chick-fil-A East Peoria Connect with The Savvy Sauce on Facebook or Instagram or Our Website Please help us out by sharing this episode with a friend, leaving a 5-star rating and review, and subscribing to this podcast! Gospel Scripture: (all NIV) Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.” Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.” Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.” Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“ Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“ Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” **Transcription** [00:00:00] <music> Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host, Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. [00:00:17] <music> Laura Dugger: Today's message is brought to you by Chick-fil-A East Peoria. Stay tuned for insider tips we're going to share during the episode. Y'all are in for a treat. I get to say "y'all" because today we have a lovely Southern woman as our guest. Karen Stubbs is the founder of the non-profit ministry for moms called Birds on a Wire. Karen resides in Atlanta with her husband, Greg. They have successfully launched their four adult children. She was traveling to central Illinois for one of her programs, and so I had the pleasure of interviewing her in person. The night before we recorded, we went out to a local pizza place to get to know each other better. She is the real deal. She is so full of joy and willing to answer any question on motherhood. [00:01:13] In this episode, we discuss how to take care of ourselves as moms, where to find wisdom for our daily tasks of motherhood, and how to be a student of our children. So here's today's episode with Karen Stubbs. Good morning, Karen. Thanks so much for joining us at The Savvy Sauce today. Karen Stubbs: Thank you so much, Laura, for having me. Laura Dugger: Absolutely. Well, you are the guru on motherhood, so we're going to camp out there today. It's so common to hear as a mom that mom guilt never goes away. What is your advice for moms who are battling guilt? Karen Stubbs: You're right. It is such a go-to because we just feel bad, you know, all the time. Like we feel bad whenever our child gets hurt. We feel bad whenever we've disciplined and they say, "Mommy, you hurt my feelings. You're making me sad." Then we're like, "Oh, I don't want to make them sad," you know, kind of thing. But I think we just have to ask ourselves a question: Have we committed a sin? If you've not committed a sin, it's not your fault that they fell and scraped their knees. [00:02:17] It's not your fault that they feel bad that you've disciplined them. They should feel bad. They got in trouble. And we want to spare them from all these negative feelings, but that's life. So we just got to realize this is part of growing up. And if I keep my child from all these things that might potentially hurt them, hurt their feelings, whatever, I'm really doing them a disservice because whenever they go out into the world they're just going to be trampled on and that's going to bring a lot of anxiety and that kind of thing. So you just have to ask yourself, am I committing a sin here? Now, if you are constantly screaming at your child, abusing them, locking them in a closet, yeah, you should feel guilty about that. That's not a good thing. You know what I'm saying? So you're like, "Yeah, I just committed a sin. I shouldn't have treated my child that way. That wasn't nice of me." You know what I'm saying? But if you're doing your mom duties, then you don't need to feel guilty. [00:03:17] Don't feel guilty because you get frustrated with your children because we all get frustrated with our children. Because we want them to do certain things and they don't do it, and that frustrates us. That's human nature. Laura Dugger: Which leads us into the next question. You mentioned that being a mom is hard. Why should we expect it to be difficult? Karen Stubbs: Well, it is. It's just really difficult. Our responsibility is to train up our child in the way they should go. That's what God tells us. He also tells us that children are to obey our parents. But it's hard, because as much as we are trying to teach them, guide them, influence their decisions, they are pushing against us at every turn, every step. It starts when they're toddlers, and it doesn't ever stop. You know, in the teen years, they're still pushing against you. So it's hard. We feel like we're going up a mountain with a backpack on, carrying a suitcase. [00:04:20] You know what I mean? And you're just trudging through. And that's what it is like being a mom. It is hard. But God tells us that He's there with us and He's going to guide us. He's going to give us wisdom. So we just need to start really leaning into Him. Laura Dugger: Absolutely. For you personally, raising four children with a husband that traveled frequently, what was hard for you during different seasons of motherhood? Karen Stubbs: Oh, gosh. Do we have all day? What was hard? Just doing it alone a lot of the time was hard. Not having Greg to have my back. There was no "we're going to talk about this when your dad gets home because he may not be home for two weeks." I mean, I really have a huge heart for single moms because they do it all the time. At least Greg did come home. You know what I'm saying? Single moms, it's all on their shoulders. What else was hard? Those younger years were really hard. Just because they're all young, they're all little, you just can't ever do enough no matter what you do. "I want more. Mommy this, mommy this, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy." I told you yesterday I just got so sick of hearing the word "mommy". [00:05:29] And then it's hard when they're young physically. When they're teenagers, it's hard emotionally because now we've upped the stakes of the game and their actions and their choices have lifelong consequences sometimes. So you get even more crazy. As a mom and you're like, "Oh, for the love, you know, this is really a big deal. It wasn't a big deal when you were four. But now you're, you know, 17 and this is a big deal." It's just hard. Laura Dugger: Maybe that's one of the reasons that you've always mentioned on your own podcast that it's important for moms to take care of themselves. What does that actually look like, practically speaking? How can a mom take good care of herself? Karen Stubbs: I think it's a balancing act. I think of baby, infant season, that's a time where you got to be all in because that baby is just so dependent on you. There's not a lot of self-care during that time. [00:06:26] You're getting up in the middle of the night. You are nursing. If you are nursing, you feel like a human cow. But if you're not nursing, you're still getting up in the middle of the night. So you walk around with bags under your eyes. You try to sleep in the afternoon, maybe they don't take a good nap that day. That's just a hard time. Period. And you've got to be there for the baby, because the baby cannot obviously feed themselves. As the baby gets older, I just think it's different for different people. Some moms really need to read a book by themselves. You know, maybe just find 30 minutes in the afternoon to flip through a magazine, to read a book, whatever helps her. For me, I like taking bubble baths at night. That's relaxing to me. I used to get sitters in the middle of the day just to even go to the grocery store because that was just nice for me to walk through the grocery store without having four kids, putting things in the buggy. "No, we're not gonna have that cereal this week. Put that back. No, we're just coming in here to get diapers and milk and fruit and that's it." And then you walk out and you've got $150 in your buggy and you're like, "What in the world?" you know? [00:07:36] Maybe it is going to Starbucks, swinging by Starbucks and just getting yourself your special drink and everybody else saying, "I want blah, blah, blah," and you're like, "Nope, this is just a mommy day. This is a mommy drink and you're not going to have any mommy drinks and no, you will not have a sip. This is just for me." Sometimes it's just when you go through the grocery store and you see the fresh-cut flowers, you just say, "You know what? I'm going to get those." And you put them in your buggy, and you put them in a vase when you get home. And every time you walk by, you just, "Oh, that's beautiful and that brings me joy." It could be something as simple as that to something as taking a girls weekend trip and getting away. It just depends on what stage of life you're in. Laura Dugger: That's great. I love how you mention a balance. Do you think that there's any signals that would let us know as a mom if we're getting too much self-care or not enough? Karen Stubbs: Oh, that's a great question. Well, most of us don't have to worry about too much self-care because usually our husbands or our children will be like, "Hey babe, you've got your nails done five times this month and I think that's a little much," or whatever. [00:08:46] On the other side, I think whenever you are just in a constant state of frustration, you know what I'm saying, that's a good sign that you need a break. Whenever you find yourself, I am constantly yelling at my kids for no reason, you know, I mean, they're just... I'd say, "Pick up your shoes," and then they're like, whatever. And you're like, [yelling] "Pick up your shoes." You know what I'm saying? You're like, "Whoa, I need to take a step back here. I'm a little out of, you know... I'm going to crazy land." Those were always my signs. Whenever my kids were just getting on my nerves, I was like, "I need a break. I need to walk away from you. I need to get out of this house, leave you with the sitter so that whenever I come back home, I'm actually excited to see you and I want to be around you." Laura Dugger: That's so freeing to hear. I love that. What about rest then? What does rest and re-energizing look like for a mom who's still got kids at home? [00:09:45] Karen Stubbs: Well, sort of the same thing. What brings you rest? For me, I'm an extrovert, so being around my friends brought me rest. For an introvert, that's like the kiss of death. You know what I'm saying? Laura Dugger: Sure. Karen Stubbs: So I would call my girlfriends, "Hey, let's go to a movie. Let's go out to eat. Let's go just..." Even if you sometimes have your children with you, let's go to the park. If you'll meet me at the park, the kids can play, you and I can sit on the bench and talk and chat, and I could just have some adult conversation. That brings me rest. I really enjoy that. Like I said, if you're an introvert, that's probably not gonna do it for you. So you need to think, Okay, I need to be alone. I need to be quiet." I've had some friends—this is hilarious—that will just get a hotel room for the night, just by themselves, nobody…
Full show notes at the publisher 
Our TOPPODCAST Picks 
Stay Connected
