The Refined Collective Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Staying Connected To Hope With Mia Fieldes Sep 18, 2019

Show notes

This week on the podcast, I’m chatting with Mia Fieldes, who I first discovered through another podcast. Whenever I become obsessed with someone’s story, I love to look them up, but Mia is a very private person. We start off talking about the pressure today to share everything while we’re in it. As my mentor says, we have to teach from our scars not our scabs. “You have to be okay with some things being hidden.” Mia is a Grammy-nominated songwriter who is from Australia and is living in Nashville with her husband. She has written songs for Hillsong, including No. 1 radio hits ‘He Knows My Name,’ ‘Chainbreaker,’ and ‘First.’ On this episode, we talk about pursuing God’s calling as well as staying connected to hope and keeping perspective in seasons of singleness.

Pursuing God’s Calling

“When I was really little, I really did think I was going to do something amazing.”
She grew up as a triplet and remembers when her sisters would go to bed she would write letters to God saying, “One day I’m going to do something amazing for you. One day I’m going to write songs all over the world.”
“Faith is incredibly hard and it’s incredibly easy.”
Her mother was 22, single, and pregnant with triplets. She struggled with drug abuse, they lived in the projects, and they received food stamps from the Salvation Army.
The Salvation Army noticed her mother had three little kids and so they brought them to Sunday school. There, Mia sang songs about Jesus and developed the foundation of her faith.
“My mom was on the same journey as I was.”

Staying Connected to Hope in Singleness

“How do you believe God for something that is fully dependent on somebody else’s free will?”
She spent a lot of time being single and didn’t even kiss a boy until she was 22.
When she was beginning her first relationship, she realized that she was putting so much pressure on it because she had waited so long to enter her first relationship.
“I felt a grace to be single.”
You have to follow peace so that when you are in the storm your peace is your anchor.
“Everyone told me marriage would be hard… and I thought ‘yeah but being single is hard.’”
It’s all your perspective, but there is beauty in every season.
“When you get to a certain age, people put limitations on you that God never does.”
She notices that everyone seems to be fighting for a piece of the pie, but everyone gets their own whole pie. She got her own promise from God.

Keeping Perspective

We need to be optimistic. If we spend our energy complaining, we will get no closer to where we want to be. We will receive that negative energy back.
“You create your world with your words.”
Mia recalls the journey she went on with God guiding her toward a positive mindset and eventually her husband. “God plucked my husband seemingly out of nowhere.”
“If you have to convince someone into something, then believe me someone will convince them out of it.”
It’s easy to worry about the things you’ll have to compromise on, but when the right person comes along, you’ll realize there is no real compromise to be made.
“It’s so important to go to God for yourself and get your own promise. Otherwise you will filter what God is doing with you through everyone else’s story.”
“I don’t want the plagiarized version of somebody else’s story.”
Mia says that her husband, Joren, has been healing for her.
“God is writing a way bigger story than you can think about.”

Top Three Things To Look For In Your Person

Look for someone who is committed to change.
A partner must also be able to handle conflict well.
Communication!

Mia doesn’t have a website, but she does have an Instagram! You can give her a follow at @miafieldes. If you want to hear more details of her story, listen to this episode of the C3 NYC podcast.

If you are enjoying the podcast, I want to invite you to leave a rating and review on iTunes! We love hearing what your favorite episodes are and always welcome any general feedback! It also helps us be more visible in the iTunes world. If you want to leave a review but don’t know how, head over to @therefinedcollective on Instagram and find the “Review 101” under story highlights.

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdatingtips to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO,

Kat

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Babies, Botox + Body Image Sep 11, 2019

Show notes

It’s been a minute since I’ve done a solo show! I’m going to be honest with you guys: one of my fears is that you will only listen to the podcast if I have guests on or that the podcast will only grow if I have guests sharing the episode with their communities. But I’m moving through this insecurity and bringing the fear to light to give it less power. That being said, I am committed to stepping into this vulnerable space and doing more solo shows for you! Randomly during one of my workout classes the phrase “babies, botox, and body image” popped into my head. So that’s what we are going to discuss today! Before we dive in, I want you to know that you have permission to be in the process and on the journey. None of us are perfect!

Babies

I’ve always wanted to be a mother, but life has not turned out like I thought it would.

This year is the first time I started to feel that biological clock start ticking.
I don’t want fear driving me into a relationship because of pressure to get things going.
Even in the midst of disappointment and unmet expectations, I am allowed to hope.
It’s okay to want to have babies and it’s okay to not want to have babies.
1 Samuel 1: Hannah asks God for a son and she ends her life with five children.
Mark Batterson, author of The Circle Maker, says to be bold and specific in prayer and then surrender.
It’s okay to be honest with God about your desire. It’s ok to be disappointed with God. He can handle it. He is gracious, kind, and patient. He wants to be in relationship with us.

Botox

“You’re allowed to be a person in process.”

People ask me what I do for my skin and the reality is that I take really good care of it (Rodan and Fields anti aging system, Primally Pure toxic free clarifying serum, hyolauronic acid)… and I also get botox.
Botox always felt so vain and fake in my opinion, so I judged myself for wanting it.
Even though I really love it, I have still felt shame about it and felt silently judged when it comes up in conversations.
We need to disconnect from the “should,” because then we can really unfold why we want this thing and discover if it is in alignment with who we are.
I judged myself because I wanted to look and feel younger. I felt like I’d be letting you down if you knew that I still have insecurities—but I am in process just as you are.
“Do we have space for each other to be on a journey? Gosh, I sure hope so.”

Body Image

I love the body positivity movement and the fact that women like Ashley Graham are literally changing the game in the fashion industry and in our culture.
I do think we live in a culture of extremism, though. I’m a size 6, but models that are getting jobs are size 00 or size 12+. It still breeds the mentality of ‘not enough.’
Is there space for a person like me to be represented in our culture? I have lost ‘influencer’ jobs for not being skinny enough + now for not being big enough.
“It’s almost felt as though I don’t have the permission to struggle with my body image because I’m in the middle of the road.”
I overcame an eating disorder and praise God for that! (If you didn’t know that, I have an episode all about it.) I am healthy but I also have days where I don’t feel confident.
I was listening to This American Life recently called “Ten Sessions” where a woman goes into therapy sessions while moving through abuse from childhood. She had to give herself permission to grieve and seek healing from a sexual abuse where she wasn’t raped. She didn’t think her pain was valid because it wasn’t as bad as someone else’s.
“Wholeness is acknowledging that my stuff is worth gaining freedom from no matter how big or little I think it is.”
I hope that our culture can keep embracing body positivity and that we create a culture of honor for all shapes and sizes.

My hope is that my story reminds you that

you’re not alone,

you’re allowed to hope,

you’re allowed to be imperfect,

you’re allowed to be on a journey.

You, just as you are today right now, are enough.

Let’s talk about these things! Head over to @therefinedcollective and let’s have a conversation. I want to thank you for all of your encouraging comments, DMs, and reviews. I want to hear what episode has meant the most to you! Let us know in a review on iTunes and while you’re there, make sure you subscribe so you can get new episodes delivered to your phone as soon as they go live!

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CBD 101: Everything You Need To Know About CBD Sep 04, 2019

Show notes

Has anyone else noticed that CBD is totally having a moment? You’re probably wondering ‘What is CBD?’ ‘Can I Get High From CBD?’ and ‘Is CBD legal?’ I put out a poll on IG stories and asked you if you’d want me to have an expert on to learn more about it and it just so happens that my bestie Boronia Fallshaw is the founder of Mello. We’re recording from my bed, just like the episodes with my other besties Sara and Amanda.

“I think it’s important, when you’re talking about something like CBD, to completely understand it scientifically so you know how it’s going to affect your body.”

What Is CBD vs THC? Why Is CBD Legal?

A cannabinoid is a chemical compound that exists in cannabis—there are about 85. They work with your endocannabinoid system which regulates homeostasis.
Our bodies already create endocannabinoids, but when we get sick things get deficient and the system doesn’t function properly.
You can bring your body back to homeostasis through the use of cannabinoids.
CBD is a cannabinoid that works with the cannabinoid receptors outside of your brain, that’s why it doesn’t give you the high.
THC works with the receptors inside your brain, thus causing highs.
CBD only recently became legalized. For a long time, it was in a grey area.

As of December 2018, the Farm Bill was approved, which legalized products containing hemp-derived cannabinoids, including CBD and THC. However, the concentration of THC within each product can never be above 0.3%.
Something to be aware of: CBD sometimes comes up on drug tests.

How To Identify A Good Product

“Read the packaging labels and read the ingredient labels.”
Check the amount of CBD. A reputable brand will list the gross amount (total in the package) as well as the recommended serving.
Cannabinoids only come from: stalks, leaves, flowers, buds, and stems. Seed oils do not contain cannabinoids, but can function well in beauty products.
See if it is full spectrum, broad spectrum, or an isolate. Make sure it is hemp-derived!
Full spectrum includes the limited amount of THC, the anti-oxidants, the omega 3’s.
Broad spectrum is the same, minus the THC. Isolate is when ONLY the CBD is extracted.

What You Need To Know About Edibles

A lot of cafes will have drinks that include CBD, but you should be careful of that.
“When you’re ingesting any edible, you’re only getting 20% of it.”
So if they are using an oil that is designed to be held under the tongue in your coffee you are wasting its value. If you want to add CBD to your coffee make sure you are using a product that is designed to be digested.
The brand you are buying from should be clear about the product being a tincture (ie: designed to be held under the tongue) vs a water soluble product that is designed to be drunk or eaten.
It’s important to make sure that anything you are using as an edible is being marketed as an edible. If it’s not meant to be an edible, you’re wasting your money.

How To Use CBD

Making sure you’re dosing correctly is trial and error. Boronia journals every day to track her responses.
“That got me to a point where I know that 33 mg every day is perfect for me.”
If you’re new to CBD products, use the recommended dosage for the product and go from there.
“Get into a regime because then you’re operating from a place of fullness rather than deficiency.”
If you’re not feeling any change after three days, get in contact with the company you bought it from and ask questions. Figure out the best way to use it for you.

Perks of CBD

Boronia swears by CBD because it helps her but gives her no side effects.
“It’s like coming out of a really epic meditation but it’s with you throughout the whole day.”
Any time people say it doesn’t work for them it is often because they are expecting to feel something in their head, but that is not where CBD is at work.
“It doesn’t fix you, it helps your body fix itself.”
“How can I bring balance back into my life?”

Some Of Your Questions:

Should I get off of my anxiety medications and switch to CBD?

Absolutely not—get in touch with your doctor and discuss with them that you want to try cannabinoids. Plenty of people do both.

Should you take CBD when you’re pregnant?

No. We don’t know the science of what it does to a fetus. If you really want to, consult your doctor.

What are the top reasons to take CBD?

Effective pain reliever, anti-inflammatory, anxiety reducing, helps sleep, appetite control, moderates the number of seizures people have.

What are your favorite products?

Boronia’s company sells bath bombs and she also loves vaping. It hits your bloodstream really quickly so you can take as needed. And, Mello just launched their own product, delicious Sea Salted Caramels with 15mg of CBD in each bite.

Boronia advises that you should just give CBD a go! Test it for a while, journal about what it does for you, and make it work for you. However, if you experience any adverse effects, absolutely stop taking it. You can keep up with Boronia on Instagram at @boroniamarie and visit her website at MelloDaily.com, Instagram at @mellodailycbd, or email her at hello@mellodaily.com.

If you want to learn more, head over to https://mellodaily.com/cbd-facts/.

If you like the podcast, I want to invite you to subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating and review. It helps us to get the episode out to more people and means the world to us! We’d love to hear your reactions to this specific episode and what topics you want to hear more of!

Fab Fit Fun is a seasonal subscription box that has FULL-SIZED beauty, fitness, fashion, and lifestyle products and I am so obsessed, y’all. The contents always have a worth of about $200 the boxes only cost $49.99! A few of my favorites from this box: a travel yoga mat, Vitamin C serum, and a gold eye mask. Even better? You get to customize what goes into your box! If you’ve ever thought about trying it—now is the time! If you go to www.fabfitfun.com and use code TRW, you’ll get $10 off your first box!

XO,

Kat Harris

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Divorce, Online Dating, Sugar Daddies, and More Aug 28, 2019

Show notes

Bianca Olthoff is a pastor, Bible teacher, speaker, author, and a million other things. She and her husband began planning churches this past year and their love story is incredible. She also just released a book where she shows us how to confront the hard truths of life. Our interview was cut short because of technical problems, but we had such an incredible chat about divorce, sugar daddies, the expectations we put on ourselves, and the mentalities that hold us back.

The Heart Behind Her Book

Bianca’s third book, How To Have Your Life Not Suck, is a sort of manual for her 25-year-old self that was facing life’s challenges.
“If you are not dead, God ain’t done, sister.”
She looks back on these lessons and sees how they apply to her life even today.
“It’s your story, it’s your pain, it’s your loss, it’s your tragedy, it’s your trauma, it’s your success, it’s your wins, and no one can take that from you.”
We love the up and down journeys of characters in films, but when we experience the downs in life, we want none of it. But we need it to become who we are.
“We want the progress without the process and it doesn’t work like that.”

Confronting Expectations

When Bianca turned 25, she looked back at the goals she set for herself several years earlier and found she was not where she wanted to be.
“I’m willing to step into the hard, I’m willing to be responsible.”
The difference between girls and women is not a matter of age, it is a matter of choice. Choosing to step into the hard work makes you an adult.
“There is beauty in the work.”

On Wanting Sugar Daddies

“We can wait around hoping, wishing, praying that Prince Charming will come and rescue us but the truth is that if we are believers in Christ we’ve already been rescued.”
Bianca challenges us to prove to ourselves that we can take care of ourselves.
She warns us to not take it too far, though. “In our independence we can push people away.”
If we are open for relationships, are we making that known? Like lights on taxis, we need to indicate if we are open or shut down to the possibility.
“We want to complain about things that we actually have control over.”

Bianca’s Love Story

Bianca was in her late 20’s and waiting for God to bring a man to her doorstep.
She ultimately started an online dating profile on eHarmony, where she ended up meeting her current husband, who had previously been married and had two children.
She was confronted by the opinions of society, her family, her friends, and her church.
“We have an opportunity to play a part in someone’s redemption story. That is a gift. That is an honor. But let me say this: that is not easy.”
“When you choose that person, you’re choosing their entire life.”
Ruth was a widow, was barren, could no longer have kids, and went to work and caught the eye of an amazing man who loved her.
“The moment you walk in in this servitude of ‘I can’t believe you’ve seen me, woe is me,’ is the moment you forget who you are. Child of God, you are fearfully and wonderfully made.”
If you are in that mindset, it will take work and therapy to achieve a healthy mindset.
“There are beautiful things that grow out of really dry and barren places so don’t give up.”

Now I’m not divorced, but did this talk with Bianca make me cry? YUP. I am so grateful for Bianca, her friendship, her book, and her story. Her book just came out yesterday and you can buy it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, or any brick and mortar shop. You can get more info at BiancaOlthoff.com or on social media at @biancaolthoff.

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to getting out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdatingtips to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO,

Kat Harris

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Everything You Were Never Taught About Your Period Aug 21, 2019

Show notes

I am so excited to be chatting with my soul sister Kate Eskuri today! This episode we’re talking all about PERIODS. Ladies, you’re going to learn so much more than you ever did in health class. Kate is a registered nurse, holistic health junkie, and the voice behind The Foundation Blog. She is currently getting her doctorate degree in integrative health and healing and is passionate about helping women maximize their health by simple and foundational health practices. Our hope is that this conversation will empower you to do research and make informed decisions for that time of the month.

Finding The Balance

Kate took a year off from being a nurse in the Mayo Clinic to work on her sister Jenna Kutcher's Goal Digger Podcast. During this time, she realized her passion for integrative health.

“What are you doing when you’re putting off something else?”
She knows that areas of Western medicine need improvement, but also recognizes that this medicine is the reason we are alive today after seeing it in action in the ICU.

However, chronic conditions that plague our country prove a need for a shift toward the holistic. We need to look at sleep, stress, and diet.

“I feel very at home in this spot in the middle.”

Becoming A Woman

“Everything in my life was very natural but yet I was still controlling this really natural and beautiful cycle.”

Kate never felt any shame around her period. “I just felt honored and excited about it.”
Her periods were regular but were more frequent than they should have been. “It takes a while to normalize your cycle.”
Wanting to prevent this near constant bleeding, she tried the NuvaRing but ultimately settled on the Mirena IUD which allowed her to continue ovulating.

Cons of Hormonal Contraceptive

“I completely trust my fellow woman to make the choice that is best for her. There is an option that is right for everybody.”

The hormones in contraceptives are not the exact hormones your body would make.
Hormonal contraception often suppress ovulation and ultimately suppress hormones that are natural and have important benefits.
“You’re inhibiting a very natural process that goes a lot deeper than just your period.”

The Phases Of Your Cycle

Ladies + Gents--the below is just an overview...you gotta listen to the whole episode to get the goods of each phase of your cycle!

1. Menstruation/Winter

Day 1: shedding the uterine lining.
You’re maybe feeling moody or withdrawn, experiencing cramps, and a need to slow down. It’s like the ‘winter’ season of the cycle.
1. Follicular/Spring
Day 3 or 4: Follicle stimulating hormone is working on the dominant egg.
More energy in this phase, almost like stepping back into your skin.
This time is good for creative projects and you’ll experience clear thinking.
“You feel energetic and attractive... it’s just a really vibrant time.”
1. Ovulation/Summer
Body releases egg as the pituitary gland signals for it to release.
“You can’t kind of ovulate—you either ovulate or you don’t.”
High energy, high sex drive, you feel attractive. Your hormones even make you more attractive to those around you. There is a study that shows a correlation between a woman’s scent during ovulation and a man’s attraction to her.
1. Luteal/Fall
Progesterone—can make you moody and somber, but it’s really important.
“It is the yin to estrogen’s yang.”
Progesterone is calming, helps sleep, reduces inflammation, + builds muscles.
“The shift from being so estrogen dominant at parts of your cycle to progesterone dominant causes an influx of emotion—what we see as PMS.”

Getting To Know Your Period

“Your period health says a lot about your overall health.”

Track Your Cycle!

Kate journals every morning and will write about how she is feeling on the previous day of her cycle. A few key words is all you need—nothing flashy!
Kate uses the Ava app and Kat uses the My Flo app.
“Your period story does not have to be suffering every month.”
1. Books To Read:
The Period Repair Manual by Laura Briden (textbook info in novel format)
Hormonal by Martie Haselton (quick + easy relatable read)

Thoughts On Period Products

Thoughts on tampons? “Invest in organic—it does matter.” Regular tampons are covered in toxins.

Thoughts on menstrual cups? Tampons are single use and create waste so this is a great alternative. Kate uses OrganiCup and LOVES it. “I can’t believe I lived for so long without using it.” It’s easy to clean—simply boil between cycles. It may not be for everybody—some women say they experience more cramps using a cup.

Thoughts on Thinx? Kate hasn’t tried them, but Kat has some friends that swear by them and only use them during their periods.
“Whatever makes you feel most at home and comfortable with your period… I say go for it.”

You can keep up with Kate on Instagram at @kate.eskuri or at her website thefoundationblog.com. She shares everything from safe ways to grow out your eyelashes to yummy recipes. She has a post specifically about acupressure for periods too! “It all comes back to the base of introducing small integrative habits into your day to live your most balanced and vibrant life.” You can sign up for her email list to get secret special content that nobody else sees! If you join now you can see her evening rituals for better sleep and her all-natural grocery shopping guide.

XO,

Kat

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Pursuing Purpose Regardless of Your Season Aug 14, 2019

Show notes

Today, we are very lucky to have one of my dear friends, Dianna Bautista, on the podcast. We go way back—she once gave me my dream Beyoncé haircut (from her XO music video) in my kitchen. She used to work as a celebrity hair stylist, but now she lives and works in Thailand, where she helps men and women come out of sex trafficking through her nonprofit, Shear International. This episode, we talk about living life to the fullest regardless of the season you are in (cough cough: whether you’re married or not). She talks about her journey of healing from an abusive marriage, and why she is loving her season of singleness.

The WHY

“I don’t want any woman to ever experience what I have experienced.”

The town she lives in is widely recognized as the sex tourism capital of the world.
She goes into brothels, pays pimps for time with a girl, and sits to talk with them. After they build trust with these women, they help them to see that there are ways out.
When she was little, she was unable to use her voice to help her brother who was a victim of sexual abuse. After she came home from a trip where she witnessed similar abuse, she was encouraged by her brother to use the voice she has now.
“There is no room in this world for complacency.”

Red Flags

“My faith meant something to me and I just thought it was okay that he ‘respected’ what I believed.”

She only realized after the fact that he did not dedicate enough time to her. “I felt only worthy of what he was willing to give me.”
Ladies: just because he is treating you better than other men have does NOT mean he is treating you well. “Any attention he gave me was good enough.”
“The way that you allow people to treat you is how they will always treat you.”

Pursuing Wholeness

“We need those friends in our lives who are willing to risk putting up the mirror.”

These friends help us confront truths, even when they are really hard to confront.
“His addiction to porn became such shame to me.”
It took her years of therapy and healing to realize that it had nothing to do with her. “That was his shame, not mine.”
Healing is a long process. “You don’t get to come out free the other side unless you do the work.”
She acknowledges that the healing process is often even more painful than what you need healing from—it’s like breaking a bone.

Healing takes TIME.

“I want the man of my prayers, not the man of my dreams.”

The healing is not only a slow process, but it’s also a never-ending process. “I’ll be on my journey until the day I die.”
Too often, we put our lives on pause because we feel it can’t fully start until we have that one person to do it with. Lady Dianna is doing all of this single.
Though she would be happy to be in a relationship, she is happy where she now.
“I’m choosing to desire what God wants for me right now because the path I wanted to be on was never going to be a good idea.”
God’s best for you is better than you can imagine. “I want the man of my prayers, not the man of my dreams.”

We were unexpectedly cut off as we were wrapping up because her Wi-Fi went out, but I hope this conversation has been as encouraging for you as it has been for me. She is living her calling and I want women all over the world to hear her story and realize they don’t need to wait for their life to start. Check out her nonprofit Shear Love International where you can learn more about it and support her by giving monthly donations. Also, I want to give a shoutout to her admin Sara who has been such a supporter of the podcast!

If you like the podcast, I want to invite you to subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating and review. It helps us to get the episode out to more people and means the world to us!

XO,

Kat

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The 5 Productivity Hacks You Need In Your Life Aug 08, 2019

Show notes

Ashlyn Carter is a baller at marketing, copywriting, and productivity hacks. A lot of you have had questions like “how do I stay productive in my day to day life?” “how do I pursue my side hustle?” and “how do I work from home and stay motivated?”

Well, there is no better person to guide you through this than the one and only: Ashlyn Carter.

How She Got Started

“This job that I was in was never going to be okay with me taking rest.”

Out of college, she worked in marketing and then in PR. When she made an effort to keep Sundays free from work, her boss told her she was in the wrong industry!
She began to focus her control on her body and her eating and ultimately recognized she was suffering from anorexia, anxiety, and depression. After her wedding, she took steps toward healing and spent three months hospitalized.
Soon after, she decided she wanted to work for herself so she started her own business.

The Turning Point

Mindset is critical when you are starting a new pursuit. “I looked at my new job as a business owner not a freelancer.”
“It’s never been a better time to start a business, but at the same time it’s never been a noisier place.”
Ashlyn used what she knew from marketing to excel in her new business. She would reach out to people who needed help, and slowly began to make a dent in the industry. “I found the Ashlyn-sized gap in the market.”

Being Organized As An Entrepreneur

Ashlyn got obsessive about her work because she was determined to not go back to her old job. Because of this, she found herself back where she started working 7 days a week.
She wanted to set up a business that could run when she couldn’t work so she began “Ashlyn-proofing” her business with outlines and structures.
It’s not going to change if you don’t make it a priority.

Productivity Hacks

Get a Parking Lot

It’s important to have a constant space where you can put any idea in your head and know that it is logged and captured.
This helps fight the shiny object syndrome.

Make Lists

At the end of the month, she looks at her to-do list and asks herself what felt like a “to do” and what actually was a “to do.”

When it comes to realizing the difference, she sets annual goals and re-reads them every single week. Seeing these big goals alongside her daily “to do”s helps her to choose well.
“What is actually going to inch me towards who I want to be at the end of 2019?”

Be Nosy

Pay attention to how people are spending their time. Be curious. Try new hacks out. Keep it if it works. If it doesn’t work: throw it out.

Weekly Review

“You don’t get rewarded for what you intend to do; you get rewarded for what you DO.”

Every week Ashlyn asks herself these 4 questions:
What worked and didn’t work from this week?
What lessons did I learn?
What obstacles did I run into?
How am I going to adjust moving forward?

Batching

Divide your business into five big topics you need to get done. Assign each big topic to a day of the week. i.e. Marketing, meetings, finance, client work, etc.
This brings back the structure that encourages us to get work done.

Ashlyn leaves us with these wonderful words of wisdom: “Even if you never slept you still wouldn’t be able to meet the expectations everyone is putting on you.” Head over to her website AshlynWrites.com where you can get her freebies and sign up for her AMAZING emails!!

You guys are still going crazy over last week’s episode of my recap of The Bachelorette! If you haven’t listened yet, hop over and do that after listening to this episode! If you like the podcast, I want to invite you to subscribe to the podcast and leave a rating and review. It helps us to get the episode out to more people!

Fab Fit Fun is a seasonal subscription box that has FULL-SIZED beauty, fitness, fashion, and lifestyle products and I am so obsessed, y’all. The contents always have a worth of about $200 the boxes only cost $49.99! A few of my favorites from this box: a travel yoga mat, Vitamin C serum, and a gold eye mask. Even better? You get to customize what goes into your box! If you’ve ever thought about trying it—now is the time! If you go to www.fabfitfun.com and use code TRW, you’ll get $10 off your first box!

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How To Identify The Subtle Fears That Are Keeping You Stuck Jul 24, 2019

Show notes

This week’s conversation with my friend Dr. Shannon Irvine means so much to me because we’re talking about the idea of taking our thoughts captive and rewiring our brains. Fear can be subtle, so we often accept certain things in life that keep us stuck. Do you ever think “I’m just always going to be the bridesmaid,” “There are too many people with a similar message in my industry—why would I even try?” It’s time to remove fear from the driver’s seat of your life. Dr. Shannon helps entrepreneurs train their thinking to transform their businesses and their whole lives. She has a PhD in neuropsychology, where she studies the science of success.

The Science of the Brain

Minds are neutral—that is why scripture says to renew your mind.
Our brain is automated, but once we take our brain off of autopilot we can decide if the narratives we have been following are actually serving us well.
Habits of a successful person: “What they’ve repeated over and over again is the truth according to the better versions of themselves.”
Thoughts move like they’re on the freeway + have to jump if they’re to get off the path.
When we repeat thoughts, the ‘freeways’ become glued together/automated.
Most people think good habits take 21 days, but it really takes about 60-67 days to stop the old thoughts and choose to make your mind go to the new thoughts.

How To Manage Your Thoughts

Sit down and say “God, what do you want? Where are we going?”
Think “I will become the creator of my thoughts.”
Recognize that your thoughts create your reality.
Look around at your life—that is evidence of your subconscious programming.
Bottom line: stop being on autopilot.

Trust The Process

Go through a typical day and recognize when you’re feeling tired, stressed, in resistance, in tension.
“Does that thought take me to where I want to be or keep me from it?”
If you want to amplify it: put yourself in situations that stress you out with the intention of hearing the thoughts.
All of us, particularly women, have negativity bias where we think more negative thoughts toward ourselves than toward others.

The Four ‘R’ Process

Recognition

Focusing on the thoughts will not amplify them, it will help us address them.

Record

Write down the thought exactly as it came up in your mind.

Removing/Refuting

Choose somebody you love more than anything, and say out loud your thought but place it on that person (not to their face though!!). This will make you see the lie for what it is.
On paper, start writing what is true for that person. It is a mirror truth… true for you also.

Visualization/Brain Priming

Two base lies: worth and value. It boils down to “I am enough.”
Brain priming: paint the picture in your mind of your potential with all of your senses. Your brain will start seeing it as true.
“Step into the version of ourselves that we want to become.”
We start to show our brain from a conscious level “This is what I believe” and the brain starts to store it as truth and automate it.
“You get to decide what to think.”

What If The Thing Isn’t Supposed To Happen?

“God gives you the desires of your heart.”
“Don’t put limits on what God wants to do for you.”
“You don’t know the capacity to which He has called you until you start believing for more than where you are right now.”

Now I KNOW you all want to keep up with Dr. Shannon. Her signature program is “The Epic Success Academy,” but if you want to just get your toes wet, grab your brain priming audio here: https://drshannonirvine.com/mindyourbusiness. You can also connect with her on Instagram at @drshannonirvine, Facebook at “Dr. Shannon Irvine,” and her Facebook Group “Epic Success Tribe.”

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! Be sure to hear over to our Instagram @therefinedcollective to share your thoughts about this episode on our post!

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How to Marie Kondo Your Mental Health Jul 10, 2019

Show notes

Hi, friends! I am so grateful that you are back for another episode and I am so excited to share this one with you! This week I’m talking to Dr. Therese Mascardo—she is the CEO and founder of Exploring Therapy, where the mission is to build a life you don’t need a vacation from. She gives such clear and practical insight. You will walk away from this episode with more than some great theories; you will walk away with multiple things you can do TODAY to support your mental health.

Just like Marie Kondo aims to spark joy by tidying up, you can live a more joyful life by applying those same rules to your mental health.

Commit

The first step in anything is committing to the process and making the change.
“You have to be motivated and willing to commit to therapy for it to work for you.”

Visualize

You need to be concrete and specific about what you want and what you’d like your life to look like. It helps to physically write it down!
“We think about what we don’t want instead of what we do want, which isn’t that helpful.”
Visualizing bad outcomes is a shortcut to having anxiety. Though anxiety is like the guard dog of our brain, we can shift our relationship with it.
“It’s not just God’s way or my way—it is my way together with God.”

Declutter

You need to get rid of the things that are weighing you down.
“Possessions are things you own and baggage is what owns you.”
Baggage can be people, thoughts, items, SO many things.
“We need to treat our emotions as valuable consultants in our lives.”
To identify your baggage, ask yourself: “How do I feel when I am around this? Is this serving me?

Categorize

You need to approach your mental health with a plan.
“A therapist is usually a person who can hear your struggles, hear where you want to be, and say ‘here are the steps we are going to take.’”
We need to be proactive with our problems and take control instead of being reactive when we feel things falling apart.
“Allowing yourself to look down the road and plan ahead is one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself.”

Order

“Prioritize the tasks you are taking on for your mental health and focus on the things that move the dial the most.”
You can’t focus on solving your mommy/daddy issues if you don’t have a roof over your head. You need to prioritize what you put your energy into.
“Work on your relationship with yourself first.”

Consult with your feelings and discover what sparks joy.
“Ask yourself if it sparks joy, not other people, not Instagram, not your friends.”
Seeking input from others is valuable, but we have taken it too far.

I mean how good is all of her insight? You can keep up with her on Instagram at @exploring.therapy and her website www.ExploringTherapy.com.

If you know anything about my style, it’s this: simple and minimal. I love feeling feminine and pulled together but hate when it takes a lot of time and drama to get ready! For jewelry, I love minimalistic pieces from Ana Luisa! I love the quality of their pieces, the reasonable prices, and they are socially conscious—they use 100% recycled gold. If you want to buy some pieces from Ana Luisa (AND get $10 off your order), go to www.AnaLuisa.com/therefinedcollective.

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Real Talk: Dating in Your 30s vs. 20s Jul 03, 2019

Show notes

Kristina is the founder of the DTR Blog-- @thedtrblog on Instagram. She started it when she was going through her own dating struggles and it slowly grew over time and is now a massive community. You’ve probably seen her wit and wisdom all over the internet. This episode, we chat about why she started The DTR Blog and how her own dating journey has evolved over the years.

Dating In Your 20s

Kristina was raised as a Christian and rebelled a bit in college. After college, she lived in England and met a guy. Within three months, they were talking about engagement. They prayed about whether they should be married and ultimately, he broke up with her. This breakup, paired with her mother passing away, led her to several panic attacks every day and she spiraled into drinking and workaholic mode. Then, at 28, she moved in with her dad and quit her job.

While beginning her healing journey, she began the DTR Blog as a way for comedy to heal her and enter her church life. Because of her memes, she got a book deal and now she is living happily in Los Angeles.

Dating in your 20s involves a lot of the internet and some girls in their 20s just don’t realize that the behavior they see from men online is unacceptable. Sure, a guy can slide into your DMs, but the way he does it is very important. She noticed when the DTR Blog grew that more men were reaching out on DMs and as a result she has had more set-ups. However, she also gets creepy stalkers reaching out to her on DM.

Dating In Your 30s

Kristina has matured in the way she approaches dating and healing. “I want to get married, but if that doesn’t happen that’s okay.”

She offers some great advice on how to be normal in dating:

Know what you believe about God + yourself
1. “You can’t be successful in dating if you don’t know who you are or what you believe”
1. You don’t have to pray about going on a first date…unless he’s a super creeper!
Keep it light + fun
1. It’s important to have people to support you in the journey because it can be hard + weird dating these days!
Community

Keep up with Kristina on Instagram at @thedtrblog, where she will update you on her book that is coming out! You can also learn more about her at her website, TheDTRBlog.com.

If there’s anyone who understands how frustrating dating as a Christian woman in today’s culture is, it’s me. So, first things first, I just want to say I see you. And as real as all of these feelings are, it’s time to SHIFT our mindset ladies.

The Activate Your Dating Life Program is an implementation program that not only shows you exactly how to actively step into dating with vision, clarity, confidence, and freedom. But also, how to put yourself out there and actually meet quality single, godly men, while being surrounded by a community of powerful women cheering you on!

Here’s all the information you need.

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