The Refined Collective Podcast

Latest Episodes:

How to be 100% in Your Worth Apr 24, 2019

Show notes

Have you ever heard of manifesting? It is rooted in science and psychology, but is also mixed with the spiritual. Have you ever tried it? Well, this week’s guest is a manifestation adviser. And if you’re thinking ‘Is it possible to manifest the relationship I want?’ the answer is YES! Lacy Phillips talks with me all about subconscious blocks, manifesting what we want, and growing our self-worth.

“Our thoughts don’t create our reality, our subconscious beliefs do.”

Lacy talks about the four things deep down inside of her that make up her authentic code of who she is. It’s different for everybody, but hers is: luxury, being seen, self-care, and legacy. Everybody has a unique authentic code and getting clear on what those four things are will help you to manifest more clearly.

“Figure out who you are and refine it.”

She encourages everyone to really reflect on what they truly want in order to be happy rather than what all of the societal groups they are in tell them they need in order to be happy.

“What lights me up?”

Lacy recognizes that manifesting isn’t just about getting the end result that we really want.

“When you get ‘the thing,’ you’re not going to be happy. It’s when you peel away the layers to see what lights you up how you can be totally whole and authentically worthy that a) you will get ‘the thing’ and b) you will already be happy. All of that will just be an enhancement.”

What blocks you from the relationships you want?

Lacy explains that this all comes down to our self-worth. People look to partners to treat as idols, yet many people treat themselves as unworthy. Maybe this is rooted from childhood family dynamics or physical insecurities. These subconscious blocks need to be addressed before you can manifest the relationship you want.

How to be 100% in your worth

Most people on a conscious level recognize they have self-worth, but if you go down onto a subconscious and hypnotic level, the limiting beliefs come out and contradict that. That block needs to be removed. From there, the limiting beliefs can be addressed.

“Whatever you’re looking for starts to show up repeatedly when you grow your worth.”

After growing in self-worth, a person will notice that their potential partners will appear as ‘tests’ to them. When you are more in tune with yourself, you’ll notice those red flags in others and will not pursue relationships with those people. Then, you’re leaving space for the right person to enter your life.

“We need to get into the place where we never undervalue our wants and needs.”

Keep up with Lacy on Instagram at @tobemagnetic and her website tobemagnetic.com. She’ll be launching a retreat soon called @theforestretreat. She also has a podcast that releases a new episode each Friday called Expanded with Lacy Phillips.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search “The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Confront Hard Truth in a "My Truth" Culture with Grace, Humility + a Little Sass Apr 16, 2019

Show notes

You guys—I slid into Cavanaugh James’s DMs and now he’s on the podcast—the power of Instagram!! You probably know him from his incredible Instagram videos. In one video he made up a song about the real reason he goes to parties and I have never felt so seen. (I may or may not have gotten him to sing it on the podcast!!). He also recently released his book, “Higher Power Has A Name.” We got to chat about faith, loving others well, and confronting hard truth in a “my truth” culture with grace, humility, and a little sass.

Finding His Platform

He discusses where those IG videos began. “I started doing them just out of boredom and irritation for bad Christian comedy.”
He talks about how it took him a while to feel comfortable in his skin. Now, he’s not afraid to laugh at his own jokes.
He moved to LA in 2015 to join the Groundlings improv program. He noticed that scenes would quickly turn dirty or perverse. He wanted to be funny without falling into that.
“I had a bone to pick with darkness.”
He wanted his comedy to be uplifting rather than divisive.

Holding Faith

Cavanaugh talks about living his life fully with others who don’t share his faith.
His faith is born out of relationships and friendships. He reflects on being lonely until he went to college and started meeting new people.
“I don’t change in whatever environment I’m in.”
“I’m not about trying to change people’s minds—I’m trying to love.”
He doesn’t tone down his beliefs and he doesn’t expect others to either.
“We’re called to actually walk in hand with other people.”

Loving Others

“We’re supposed to be loving people and letting the Lord do the rest.”
He talks about loving others without an agenda.
“A big chunk of why there is such a divide between mainstream culture and the church is the agenda of the church.”
He challenges others to think about the golden rule—how would we feel if we were in a certain situation.
“How would I receive it? What is the way I could hear this that I would know that I am loved?”
We discuss enneagrams, of course, and talk about the price we pay for wanting to be right all the time.
“There is no reason- not one- for someone to walk through this life feeling alone.”

Keep up with Cavanaugh on Instagram at @cavanaughjames and his website CavanaughJames.com. (P.S. You should buy his book!)

XO,

Kat Harris

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Date Intentionally + Pursue Creatively with Audrey Roloff Apr 10, 2019

Show notes

This week, Audrey Roloff is on the podcast! She just released a book with her husband, Jeremy Roloff, called “A Love Letter Life: Pursue Creatively, Date Intentionally, Love Faithfully” and it is number two on Amazon! (Buy it here!!) But it didn’t happen overnight. Writing their book was a two-year process.

Co-Authoring With A Spouse

Audrey is an Enneagram 8 (Challenger) & Jeremy is an Enneagram 9 (Peacemaker).
“No two numbers are compatible because no to two humans are compatible—we complement each other and we refine each other, but we are not compatible.”
While Audrey had a tendency to think everything was urgent, Jeremy kept them grounded and reminded her that not everything was the end of the world.
“We have learned to recognize our differences as gifts that we get to bring to each other”

The Way They Met

The two were set up on a blind date by friends. They thought their friends were crazy because they were fresh out of relationships. But their friends were adamant.
They were fascinated by each other as human beings, but “It was not this sparks flying kind of a night.”
They remained friends for two whole years. Then, 10 days before Jeremy left for film and photography school, they decided to start dating.
Jeremy had a very public life on the TLC show “Little People, Big World.” But since their relationship had to be long distance for so long, they were able to keep it out of the public eye. Their book is the story that was never shared during that time.
One month after graduation, they got married.

The Patient Pursuit

They were in seasons of personal growth when they met—and they were young! Audrey was not looking for a boyfriend, but Jeremy realized a week after they met that they wanted more.
They refer to the next two years as the “patient pursuit.” Jeremy wasn’t aggressive about it, but he remained in her life as a friend.
They wanted time to get to know each other and become friends without the added confusion of physical intimacy.
As a result, their relationship was built on patience, beauty, effort, and intention.
“Stop settling for convenient relationships—relationships aren’t convenient.”
Audrey recognizes that relationships are about breaking down the walls around you and learning to build new ones around your relationship.

Lessons Learned

Through their long distance relationship, they realized the importance of overcommunicating and being creative in how they loved each other. Audrey believes navigating this time is what set them up for marriage.
They don’t claim to be marriage experts. “We wanted to write this book while being in the same season as the person we are writing to.”
Social media is limited, and they wanted to share more than just their highlight reel.

Advice For The Woman Who Thinks There Are No Guys Out There:

“If you believe the lie that ‘there are no guys out there for me,’ then you’re going to live that lie.”
Reach out to friends who know you, love you and trust you—ask them to set you up!
“You can’t help who you fall in love with, but you can help who you spend time with.”

How To Date Intentionally

Pursue friendship—be a good friend to the person you are dating.
Ask hard questions—it’s easy to get lost in a cloud of feelings. Do you know about their upbringing? The way they handle conflict? “Momentary honesty might sting, but long-term lies are infectious.”
She recognizes that getting everything out in the open is key. “Illuminate our past in order to imagine for our future.”
Live our lives more—look up from our phones and be present with everyone. “You may have met your husband, but you were on the phone.”

Keep up with Audrey on Instagram at @audreyroloff, her and Jeremy’s website TheRoloffs.com, and their podcast Behind the Scenes.

XO,

Kat

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Top 5 Self Care Practices that Cost You Nothing! Mar 27, 2019

Show notes

Another week, another episode recorded from my Brooklyn closet. This week, I wanted to talk with you about self-care. I used to think self-care meant spending a ton of money on massages, weekend getaways, and manicures…But some of the most beneficial self-care rhythms I’ve implemented in my life over the last few years have been completely free.

Sleep

Studies have shown that sleep deprivation can be linked to weight gain, high blood pressure, comprised immune system, memory loss, and type 2 diabetes.
Now I am committed to sleeping at least seven hours a night. And I’ve noticed I have more consistent energy and focus throughout the day, and am less foggy headed.

Be mindful of alcohol + caffeine consumption

Even though alcohol is a depressant, it spikes our heart rates and can cause poor sleep. To fix this, we often turn to caffeine which jolts our system again.
im not going to sit here + tell you to stop drinking both cold turkey—but I’d say pause + think about your relationship with both alcohol + coffee.

Quiet Time

I was in a bad habit of checking email and social media before I got out of bed. This started my day off with stress and anxiety.
Now, I allow an hour for this each morning, and I soak up every moment. If you’re new to this, try sitting quietly in a comfortable place for 15 minutes before your day gets started.

Meal Prep

Before, I’d find myself running from one thing to the next. I’d blink and realize it was 3:00 p.m. and that I hadn’t eaten since breakfast.
I’m no chef — I make things simple and easy. But having meals ready that I can grab and take with me helps prevent me from headaches, making less healthy choices, and maybe the worst symptom of all: being hangry.

Rest

I had to let go of FOMO and trust that creating space in my life to rest was setting me up for success to be more present throughout the rest of my week.

Do you feel exhausted or stuck too? Girl, I get it! I challenge you to practice these four things for the next month. I’m living proof that it’s possible to create new rhythms. It’s all about starting slow with small decisions, being patient, and committing to the process!

Have some thoughts on self care? Let’s start a dialogue! (Even if you don’t agree with me!) Share your thoughts on IG and tag us! Did you know that outside of @therefinedwoman Instagram account, we also have an account for the podcast? It’s under @therefinedcollective. So head over to Instagram to see all things podcast related.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search ‘The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

XO,

Kat

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

The Top 10 Dating Hacks from The Bachelor Mar 20, 2019

Show notes

Warning: this is spoiler alert city for the season finale of The Bachelor. This week, I’m talking about all of the lessons I learned from The Bachelor. If you don’t watch the show, that’s totally fine. This is not a gossip fest or tearing down other women—I am not here to make anyone right or wrong. This is just me talking about common dating mistakes and dating principles.

1. Integrity is KEY.

What’s word on the street about the person you're dating? If there’s a general consensus about this person, maybe bring it up to them so you can clear the air.

2. Timing is EVERYTHING.

You can meet the right person, but if it’s the wrong timing or either of you aren’t ready… it won’t work!

3. When a guy is into you, he will move mountains to be with you (or jump an 8-foot fence).

Colton was all in with Cassie, and was willing to do whatever it took to prove to Cassie his commitment--even jump an 8-foot fence.

4. LISTEN to what he’s saying.

We often hear what we want to hear, as opposed to taking what a person is saying at face value. If a guy is telling you he’s not ready for a relationship, then he’s not ready for a relationship.

5. Be willing to be honest (‘I don’t know’ is not an answer).

Whenever Colton would ask Cassie questions about why she felt not quite ready, her answer was always ‘I don’t know.’ Granted sometimes we actually don’t know, but it usually means we just haven’t done the internal work, or are afraid of admitting to ourselves and the other person for fear of rejection.

6. Every opportunity is an opportunity to grow if we choose it to be.

Alabama Hannah (the next bachelorette) was one of this seasons instigators and DRAMA queens. However, during the tell-all, she owned her behavior, acknowledged how disappointed she was with herself, made amends publicly and privately with some of the girls. Instead of being defensive, she owned up to her faults, and used it as an opportunity to grow.

7. Rejection is protection.

All the girls want to know when they get sent home is ‘why am I not enough?’ and ‘what could I have done differently?’ And it makes me so sad, because it has nothing to do with them! Rejection isn’t a personal attack on you, sometimes you’re just not their person. Their no, is for your greater good.

8. Know what you want.

Knowing what I want in the future helps me walk out the president with clarity, intention, and integrity. It’s okay to change your mind—you don’t owe the guy anything. But if someone walks onto this show unsure if they are ready for or even want marriage, then they are probably shouldn't be on the show.

9. Hannah G.

On the women tell all, she said ‘I deserve a man who is willing to jump the fence with me.’ Which is what Colton did when Cassie was breaking up with him. She saw this and really realized that he just wasn’t as into her. We are all worth a guy going to great lengths to fight for us.

10. Stay classy.

Ladies, let’s just stay classy. I learned this from Queen Tayshia. At every turn, she chose to take the high road, even when Colton was breaking up with her. She could have been defensive and angry, but she realized that it was about his heart being somewhere else. Yeah, I love to have the last word, but that does not serve me or the other person.

Have some thoughts on The Bachelor? Let’s start a dialogue! (Even if you don’t agree with me!) Share your thoughts on IG and tag us! Did you know that outside of @therefinedwoman Instagram account, we also have an account for the podcast? It’s under @therefinedcollective. So head over to Instagram to see all things podcast related.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search ‘The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Online Date Like a Boss Mar 12, 2019

Show notes

This week I’m chatting with Kait Warman of Heart of Dating—our first repeat guest!! She’s based in LA so we are long-distance gal pals encouraging each other on our journey of singleness. Today, we’re diving into online dating. Kait sets you up with her top online dating tips (and even shares her favorite app). Make sure you tune into her podcast this week to hear me share my tips for online dating! We may or may not break out into song…

Why online dating?

Some people think online dating isn’t Godly dating, but God works in all ways.
We have to be active in dating. She references a book called “How To Get A Date Worth Keeping” by Henry Cloud, saying “Unless we expect to marry the Amazon delivery guy, God is not dropping a guy on our doorstep.”
Worried about sketchy guys? It’s just like the real world. You’ll find some weirdos, but there are also some really great guys on there.

What are the best photos to use?

Make sure you’re sharing not just your face, but your personality.
Don’t make every photo a mirror selfie, make sure you’re switching things up so that every photo is there for a purpose.
At least one photo should be fairly close and very clear so that they know what you actually look like. And throw in a full body photo too!

When is it time to take it from online to real life?

Find something you have in common through asking questions. For example, Kait knows that an extreme sports guy is not the right one for her.
Make sure you share a core value. Kait always like to know the guy loves Jesus before she goes out with him. She puts it clearly on her profile and if they ignore that, she considers it to be a red flag.
A good question to ask is “What are your top 3 things to do over the weekend?” That gives him a chance to share his hobbies as well as if he goes to church.

Top 3 Online Dating Tips:

Be patient and open-minded. If you are in the mindset that online dating is awful, then you are going to have an awful experience.
Be specific with your questioning and know what you’re looking for—you don’t want to go in blind!
Know when to take a break. If you’ve been on for a while and are feeling run down and rejected, step away from it until you feel ready again. Keep your boundaries clear; the apps will always be there.

Kait’s favorite dating app?

Hinge! It has changed over the years, and now it lets you answer questions about yourself and set religious specifications.

Final dating advice?

“See the process of dating as an amazing means to meet different people.”

Keep up with Kait at Heart of Dating and @heartofdating. You can connect with her personally on Instagram at @kaitness.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search ‘The Refined Collective' on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

Did you know that outside of @therefinedwoman Instagram account, we also have an account for the podcast? It’s under @therefinedcollective. So head over to Instagram to see all things podcast related.

P.S. If you want to continue the conversation in a more private setting, join my Private TRW Single Ladies Community!

XO,

Kat

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Put Yourself Out There and Still Be Pursued Mar 06, 2019

Show notes

Coming at you with another solo episode recorded from my closet!

One of the number one questions I get is “How do I put myself out there when I want to be pursued?” And I totally get it. I am the type of person who wants to be pursued.

A few years ago, I was dating a guy that I really liked. He asked me out for a date one day and I had a photoshoot I couldn’t reschedule. After a few days, I hadn’t heard from him, so I spiraled. My inner thoughts were ‘I guess we’re done now.’

But then my friend helped me realize… he was always the one initiating every conversation and date. How was he supposed to know that I wanted to go on more dates with him if I don’t communicate with him? Men cannot read our minds, ladies!

It feels safe to be pursued. My guarded heart only wanted him to know I liked him if I 100% knew it was going to be reciprocated. I was terrified of getting hurt.

Here are some ways you can actively put yourself out there:

Communicate your needs

One of my friends came home from an online date so put out about the restaurant her date took her to. Here’s the thing though: she didn’t tell him she didn’t want to go there. He picked it out, ran it by her, and she said nothing. She didn’t want to be too much. And shouldn’t he know that’s a crappy restaurant—and if he doesn’t, clearly he has bad taste. She punished him for not reading her mind. That’s not fair. Ladies, you have the permission to communicate your wants and needs. Let’s reject the lie that we’re not enough and too much all at the same time. It keeps us small and stuck. If a guy is so easily spooked by you letting your desires be known, then he is no man for you. Let’s also stop setting men up for failure by expecting them to be mind readers. Communicating what you want is not pursuing. It’s giving you the opportunity to be true to yourself, while also creating an opportunity to let your guy know where you stand. He then has the option to lean into that or not. By communicating your needs you’re creating vulnerability, honesty, and an invitation. And that is way different that a demand.

Be curious

Who doesn’t like talking about themselves? I know I do. Allow yourself to be curious to get to know the person you’re interested in. Asking questions and getting to know him is very low stakes. Then the next time you see him you can ask, “Hey, how’s that thing going”. It shows you’re listening, and you care about him. He was on your mind. It’s also incredibly easy to practice. I used to be so scared of rejection that doing this felt like I might as well be walking up naked to a guy proposing. It doesn’t have to be this way. At all. Plus, who cares if he thinks you like him. You do, don’t you? Even if the feelings aren’t reciprocated, like my bestie says, “No one has a bad day when they find out someone has a crush on them”.

Create space

I talk to so many baffled single women. After spending a few minutes chatting about their day-to-day lives; it’s no wonder they’re not dating. Every night of the week is spent either at home watching The Bachelor (hey…I love the Bachelor), having a girls night, or going out with the girls. Your man is not gonna magically appear on your doorstep friend. You gotta get out there. And do you know just how intimidating it is for a man to come up to a group of women out at a bar? If you do go out with the girls, split up. Or be each others cheerleaders as you take turns going and saying hello to somebody interesting. We create space in our lives for the things we value. Part of putting yourself out there is creating space for interactions with single men.

Tell me, friend. Why aren’t you putting yourself out there? Are you hiding behind a fear of failure? Rejection? Getting out of your comfort zone? For more on how to put yourself out there, check out 5 Ways to Put Yourself Out There and Still Be Pursued. Head over to Instagram to share your answers—be sure to tag @therefinedwoman and @therefinedcollective. If you want to continue the conversation in a more private setting, join my Private TRW Single Ladies Community!

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search ‘The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

XO,

Kat

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Saying Goodbye to Fear Feb 27, 2019

Show notes

Hey there, friends! I’m here today with a solo episode of The Refined Collective!. Let me know what you think of solo episodes and be sure to DM @therefinedwoman if you have specific topics you want me to talk about!

Yoga is constantly a metaphor for my life. How I show up on my yoga mat is how I show up in all other areas of life. Recently, I was sitting in a yoga class and I have to say I was feeling good about my performance that day.

The beautiful thing about yoga is that in any given class there are students who are trying yoga for the first time and students who have practiced yoga every day of their lives. There are advanced versions and beginner versions of every pose.

We got to a particular posture and I found my limit for the posture. But then I heard my yoga instructor’s voice right in my ear: “C’mon. Let’s go. Go further.” I shook my head no. He doesn’t know my body’s limits—I do. But he insisted.

I trusted myself and pushed further. I thought, “Wow, I’m stronger than I thought.” As he walked away he said, “Why are you holding yourself back?” By the end of class, he had encouraged me to push my limits two more times. And he was right every single time. “Why are you playing so small? You’re stronger than you think.”

Nobody in that class was telling me where to stop in a pose—I wasn’t being limited by anyone but myself. This leader had the audacity to point out that I was playing small. You need people in your life to drag you out of your comfort zone, even if it makes you angry in the moment.

“No one is telling me no but myself.”

If you’re going to make progress in areas of your life, you have to ask yourself ‘Why am I holding myself back?’

A few years ago, I took on the challenge of memorizing a long poem and performing it at a large event in New York City. I had memorized this poem so well, I knew it like the back of my hand.

The night of the event, I get halfway through the spoken word and freeze. I could feel my palms start to sweat. I started from the beginning… and it happened a second time. I stood there deciding if I should just run out of the building and never look back. Finally, one of the lines came back to me and I just picked up from that line and finished the spoken word.

After I finished, I felt so embarrassed. I thought I would never be invited anywhere as a speaker every again. I wanted to rush out, but I was the host of the event.

Over the course of the night, people came up to me and said how much they loved the spoken word. I expressed to every single one of those people that I messed up.

My best friend had to take me aside and remind me that nobody noticed I made a mistake, and if they did—they didn’t care.

Fear has as much power as we choose to give it. After I moved through this experience, I decided I would book two speaking events where I would perform this spoken word.

Fear doesn’t have the final say. It’s possible to acknowledge the fear we have and our past while not letting it be in the driver’s seat of our lives.

You are called to a purpose. But you have to say goodbye to the fear.

You can go further than you think.

Thank you so much for listening to the podcast and being part of this community! If you enjoy listening, I want to invite you to subscribe to us on iTunes and rate and review us. Search ‘The Refined Collective” on the purple podcast app on your phone. Share your review on IG stories + tag us so we can show you some love!

XO,

Kat

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wait, Pray, Love with Jessica Shakir Feb 19, 2019

Show notes

Jessica Shakir is a motivational speaker, celebrity hair and makeup artist, and beauty expert. Her passion is to help you use your voice to unveil truth and beauty. She is a dear friend of mine and we recently got to get together at my apartment to have some fun photoshoots and sit down and chat for the podcast. We talk about waiting for marriage, waiting for love, and praying to God.

Praying for Others

Jessica and I are both prayer warriors, praying for others, praying for celebrities.
She reflects on her experience working with Eminem, who was thoughtful and engaging the entire time they worked together.
“Lord, anoint the works of my hands. Help me to be a light, help me to reflect your love, even without having to say anything about the Bible or Jesus.”
As she was praying this before walking into her job, she remembered that she had been praying for Eminem for five years before the job. Her friend had asked her to.
“I wasn’t in the habit of praying for people I didn’t know.”
She began to pray for him every time she heard his music, praying that God would send the right people into his life to point him to Heaven.
“God used me to answer my own prayer.”
She remembers at the end of the job telling him “God bless you.” He was taken aback. He thanked her sincerely and said, “God bless you, too.”

Prayer + Love

She reflects on her wedding day and her vows to her husband, “It was an honor to wait for you, Vincent.”
“In that moment, I thought, “Dang, I wish I could delete all the times I compromised… I wish I could delete all the times I didn’t trust God more.”
She talks about her experience as a woman who waited to have sex until she was married at 36 years old. “It was powerfully intimate and wildly free.”
Though she was a virgin on her wedding day, she still experienced shame.
“My biggest regret is not trusting God more.”
She and her husband decided to not even share a single kiss until they were engaged. “It made every touch so magical and meaningful.”
They met at a Super Bowl party and once she found out he loves Jesus, she started crushing hard.
“I knew he would be in my life forever and somehow he would change it.” Seven months later, they were engaged.

A Season of Waiting

She recognizes that the time of waiting can be the perfect time to group in your faith.
“The only reason I can be this happily engaged is because first I was happily single.”
She recognizes all of the personal growth that she experienced during her waiting and how it all led her to where she is now.
“Every chance I got, I chose to feed my hope.”
She recognizes that you have to build muscles of integrity and waiting. “You can’t build muscle without pushback and rest.”
We share how we both spent time journaling and writing to our future husbands.

Jessica reflects Heaven to me and I just feel brighter after talking with her. I hope you feel the same way. You can keep up with Jessica on Instagram at @jessicashakirbeauty and at her websites: www.JessicaShakirBeauty.com and www.MyBeautyBFF.com.

XO,

Kat

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Unpacking Toxic Masculinity with Mike Aidala Feb 12, 2019

Show notes

I’ve been so excited to chat with Mike Aidala. Our schedules finally aligned and we got to chat about physical fitness, toxic masculinity, transformation, and fostering healthy dialogue. I’m so challenged by all of his words. What if life wasn’t as hard as we made it out to be?

Focusing Inward

He decided after college that he would focus on strengthening his whole self and becoming the best version of Mike Aidala.
“I always knew that I had a real passion for helping people.”
He notes that his Instagram feed is a combination of strength training videos and more emotional and spiritual movement videos, like yoga acrobatics with his fiancée Chelsea.
“I really love emotion and diving into the why behind everything I do.”
He enjoys athletics, but he is driven by the emotion behind all of the activities. The connection he feels to the movement.
“How can I better be completely engaged in this moment?”
Mike notes that lifting somebody into the air isn’t all about strength, it’s about developing trust and an emotional connection with whoever you are lifting.

Celebrating Wins

Sometimes we can get so caught up in the big picture that we forget to focus on the small everyday tasks and achievements that get us to where we want to be.
“That’s a dangerous word: only.”
We need to celebrate the wins more. We can see room for improvement everywhere, but we’ll never feel accomplished if we don’t see all we have achieved.
“When you fail, you’re growing.”
Instead of a typical gratitude journal, Mike likes to write down every day, “what went well and why.”

On Fitness Goals…

“You don’t really want to lose ten pounds, what you want is maybe your kids to like you, be engaged with your husband more, have better community with your friends. You think losing 10 pounds is going to get you those things. What we focus on is giving you confidence, showing you you’re strong, building your self-esteem. Before you know it, you’ve probably lost the ten pounds anyway, but that isn’t what you come back for, you come back because of the feeling you have.”

Toxic Masculinity

We discuss toxic masculinity—something a lot of people love to talk about.
“Being masculine isn’t toxic,” he says. Masculinity can be toxic, but it isn’t inherently toxic.
He recognizes that men do want to learn and be better in areas but being yelled at does not foster that change. We have to dive in to the hard conversations.
Mike wants people to be open with each other. Open to criticism, open to discussion.
Men and women can create better relationships with each other if they just communicate what they want.
We talk about the danger of using the word ‘should.’ “’I want you to do this’ is a lot harder to say than ‘you should do this.’”
He encourages men to reach out to the women in their life and ask how they can support them.

So, friends, what if you sought to understand the people in your life? What if you learned to listen? What if you practiced supporting others?

You can keep up with Mika at @mike.aidala on Instagram and his website at mikeaidala.com where you can find his training programs.

XO,

Kat Harris

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