The Refined Collective Podcast

Latest Episodes:

How to Pursue Wholeness Before Pursuing a Relationship with Amanda Blair Hopkins Feb 06, 2019

Show notes

Do you have one of those friends who gives the BEST love advice? The type of friend who is willing to call you out and say ‘no, this is not the guy for you,’ or ‘do you seriously not see that he is super into you?’ I hope so, because they’re the best. Amanda Blair is that friend for me. We sat down to record this episode and she shared her story and her dating journey. I even opened up about a recent date I went on and an ambiguous guy friendship I have.

Remember the phrase I use ‘rejection if protection?’ Amanda is the one who first encouraged me to view rejection this way. “When someone else says no, it’s not a personal attack against us.”

Amanda was also the first one to call me out and say that there was something between me and this guy I was interested in. I realized I kept getting stuck in these male friendships because I would tell myself I was just ‘the friend.’ Nobody was saying this to me, but I kept shutting the door in relationships because I didn’t think I was worthy. I was playing small, so I was attracting emotionally unavailable guys.

Reflecting on her childhood, Amanda discovered the reason she has certain patterns in her romantic life. “I was so desperate for someone to tell me that I was worthy and I was good enough… I just let men walk all over me.” After moving to New York and developing an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and men, she began yoga teacher training and began to confront her relationship with drinking. Her anxiety nearly disappeared when she became sober, something I have also experienced in the last six months.

Knowledge alone doesn’t transform us. We can know that a person is bad for us and still want to be with them. Newly in a relationship, the guy she was seeing told her that he saw a future with her that included having a family with her. She fell into Disney Princess Syndrome. But soon after, he ghosted her. “I was done believing that I needed to be saved.”

We so often look to guys to validate us, when deep down it is our past self that needs the validation. When we are upset that a guy doesn’t want us, we don’t need to reach out for them, we need to reach inward and recognize that child in us that just needs validation from our present selves.

Again, knowledge doesn’t transform us… we can still fall back into old patterns. Just because you’re in the pattern again doesn’t mean you’re back at square one. To break an unhealthy pattern, Amanda gets to the root of feelings through journaling. ‘When did you first experience this? Who were you experiencing it with? What did you need from them?’ Through this, we can acknowledge our brain chemistry and rewire it to break patterns and move toward healing.

“The more we block our path up with these ambiguous people or people we’re not really into, we’re just creating road blocks and the thing we want can’t get to us.”

“We have to be fully integrated and whole humans to welcome in another fully integrated and whole human.” When we get clear on all of this, we can establish and stick to boundaries that acknowledge our worth.

This was pretty much a normal conversation Amanda and I would have. Isn’t she the best? If you loved Amanda, would you head over to iTunes and let us know what you thought in a review?! It would mean the world. You can keep up with Amanda at www.amandablair.org or on Instagram at @xoamandablair.

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called “6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO,

Kat Harris

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Cheryl Scruggs A Story of Reconciliation and Marriage Jan 29, 2019

Show notes

You guys, we are back with our first guest of the year! I’m so thrilled to be sharing this conversation I had with Cheryl Scruggs— she is the mother of Lauren Scruggs Kennedy (who we had on the podcast in episode 002- click here to listen!) who is a dear friend of mine. Cheryl and her husband have a nonprofit called Hope for Marriages where they support couples in reconciling their marriages and they also co-wrote “I Do Again.”

Cheryl + Jeff: The Way They Met

" style="background-color: transparent; color: #222222; font-family: -webkit-standard; font-size: 18px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 36px; margin-top: 0px; orphans: 2; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">• Cheryl and her husband, Jeff, have such a beautiful story that genuinely makes me cry.

• In a world that says to bail on something the second it becomes uncomfortable, they have chosen a countercultural response in their marriage. • Cheryl was working as a cocktail waitress to put herself through college when Jeff walked in. They talked a bit and he asked her out on a date. • She was already engaged at this time, but deep in her heart knew that she would not end up marrying the man to whom she was engaged. • When Jeff returned the next week, she agreed to go on a date with him. After a year, they became engaged.

Chasing Happy

• Two years in to their marriage, she began to feel lonely. “I thought there was something wrong with me for feeling that way because it looked like we had the perfect life.” • She opens up about her IVF treatments that led her to have her two twin girls who are now 30 years old. She thought maybe they had been the missing link. • One day, she was on a sales trip and she met a man that she would eventually have an affair with. “I’m not proud of any of this, but this is our story.” • When she and Jeff moved from Los Angeles to Dallas, she found herself missing the man she had been having the affair with. • They would have phone calls—connecting heart to heart. Ultimately, Cheryl filed for divorce from Jeff.

A Second Chance At Love

• Looking back, she realizes that Jesus was the missing piece in her marriage. • “I think God had a different plan and we weren’t following it.” • Two months after their divorce, Cheryl really dove into her faith. • “By the end of the year 1992, I realized that, ‘oh my gosh, I feel like God is wanting us to pursue reconciliation.’” • Jeff didn’t think that was going to happen, so they continued to co-parent from separate homes. • “The more I read about biblical marriage, I realized if we could just work on this, we could have a marriage honoring God, being what God wanted us to be rather than who we were.” • Five years after their divorce, they began to spend more time together as a family. And soon after, Jeff began asking Cheryl out on dates. Soon after, they remarried. • Out of this experience, their nonprofit Hope for Marriages was born.

All In Commitment

• “You yourself have to understand who you are and who God has made you.” • Cheryl recognizes that our pasts always have an effect on our relationships, but if we are aware of them, we can have more control over how they affect us. • “Happiness is very fleeting. What the Lord wants for us is deep joy. You can be going through trials and still have deep joy.”

Keep up with Cheryl at @cherylscruggs on Instagram, Thrivingbeyondbelief.com, on Facebook at Cheryl Scruggs. Here’s where you can get her book “I Do Again.”

Hey, single ladies— are you frustrated by the dating world? This episode is brought to you by my free guide called“6 Tips to Activate Your Dating Life with Intention and Clarity.” These resources helped propel me from sitting on the couch to out on a date. Head over to Bit.ly/trwdating to check it out! With you on the journey.

XO,

Kat

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Arise: A 2019 Manifesto with Kat Harris Jan 22, 2019

Show notes

It’s faint, yet distinct.

The whisper.

An exhale of relief radiates throughout.

The soft breeze rustles your matted hair and tear stained cheeks.

A stirring unfolds.

Finally, it is here.

ARISE.

A new day.

Dawn is on her way.

The sun grasps for the horizon.

Yet, the battle wages on.

Taunting you from every angle.

Shame backing you into that old familiar corner,

battered and bruised you go.

Submit to the shadows, fear beckons.

Weariness clothes your soul.

Exhaustion clings to your heels.

Yet I tell still you: Arise.

Failure

Rejection

Isolation

Suffocation

Pain, heartache, struggle, addiction…

Fear

They are not your destiny.

ARISE.

Awaken hope.

Your portion is peace.

Your portion is breakthrough

Upward you go!

You’re not chained to the corner—you never were.

ARISE.

Restoration is here.

Reconciliation is now.

Rebirth has begun.

ARISE.

You are on assignment.

You are FREE.

You are supported.

You are safe.

ARISE.

It’s time.

Renewed.

Come.

Step into the light.

The outpouring of peace is waiting to radiate upon you.

ARISE.

Rub the sleep from your eyes.

It’s time to go to a higher place.

ARISE.

Courageous one, You belong here.

No more waiting in the shadows.

You are being led—

moment by moment,

breath by breath.

ARISE.

When you move with your Maker there is ease—

there is rest.

Your Creator is never far off.

Together you pave a new trail—a new legacy for the generations

bursting with hope, wholeness, glory, and connection.

Somewhere between the end of self and the beginning of surrender

hope revives your weary soul.

Each step forward is untamed territory.

With power and authority claim your victory.

Dawn awakens and breathes life.

It’s a new day.

ARISE.

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Create Change Through Human Connection with Reagan Pugh Dec 12, 2018

Show notes

Before we dive in to this episode, I want to talk about the name of the podcast. reason the podcast is The Refined Collective and not The Refined Woman is because I wanted to make this a space for both men and women to share their stories. With that being said, we’ve got another man on the podcast today!

Reagan Pugh believes any time people gather together is an opportunity for collaboration and refuses to waste those opportunities. He founded Assemble in an effort to support teenagers in collaborations. This week we are talking about success, balance, rest, self-care, and everything in between. We went to high school together and lost touch because life happened. I recently saw his TEDtalk pop up on Facebook and had to reach out.

Adjusting Course

Though he enjoyed working with Calypso for five or six years, he discovered that the candle was burning at both ends. “I decided I needed to slow down.”
He left that position and did contract work until he created Assemble two years later.
“No one ever built a country or grew a company or had an influence on a community without some kind of conflict. They had to live some kind of hero’s journey narrative.”
He didn’t want to cut himself off from that success, so he worked hard to establish his identity and why he was doing the work.
He notes that there are some masculinity issues rooted in the idea of working without regard for rest.

Human Connection

“I look at the moments when I felt most alive in my life and all of those moments have to do with me being an artist, me writing creatively, me telling stories, me bringing a group of people together to talk about what’s really going on.”
He recognizes the fear he had of what his coworkers would think of his interest in the human connection over the results.
He thought he was wrong for not being driven by results. “I don’t find any identity in that, so what’s wrong with me?”
We talk about how Simon Sinek, among others, is a leader in the thought that human connection is what should drive us.
“Instead of being ashamed…I am starting to realize that it is the higher calling.”

Yes And…

He recognizes all he learned about improv mentality from Patrician Ryan Madsen, author of “Improv Wisdom.” The tagline of this book is, “Don’t prepare; just show up.”
“There’s this idea of believing that the best decision was the one you just made.”
When you make a decision, it is not worth your time to question it.
We talk about something we both struggle with: the need to be right. He remembers one moment he had with his brother where he asked him, “Would you rather be right or would you rather have a relationship?”

Who Am I?

We discuss the control he felt in his first role at Catalyst, but he realized he could not control was that his identity was not in that work.
When he had broken a bone and gone through a breakup, he reflected on how he got to where he is.
“Who the hell am I? Where am I finding my identity? Do I believe the story I have been telling myself?”
From that moment forward, he has let go of the control.
“We’re afraid of the things we’re going to have to deal with if we slow down and ask ourselves who we really are.”
We talk about fearing success and why we experience this. Fears of being held accountable fearing that we aren’t worthy.
“What if I put out my unique perspective into the world and there’s crickets on the other side?”

Head over to ReaganPugh.com to find his TED talk, connect with him on social media platforms, and sign up for his email newsletters.

I’ve launched a Bible study for YOU! The Space Between Bible Study and Meditation Guide will give you tools to create a regular rhythm of time with God. Head over to therefinedwoman.com/prayer to grab your guide.

“It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.” – Marianne Williamson

XO,

Kat Harris

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Create Community with Radha Agrawal Dec 04, 2018

Show notes

I am so grateful to be chatting with Radha Agrawal on the podcast today. She is the co-founder, CEO, and chief community architect at Daybreaker (the best morning dance party ever). She is also an entrepreneur, having co-founded THINX and LiveItUp, and the author of Belong. I could go on and on about these incredible titles, but let’s dive into who lies beneath all of that. We talk all about what her journey to motherhood has looked like and how she has worked to create community in everything she does.

The Journey to Motherhood

She waited 36 years to find the love of her life. She remembers questioning whether she wanted to have children, but she met her husband and realized she wanted to create life with him.
When they tried to have children, she got pregnant right away. Unfortunately, she miscarried right away as well.
“You go from this anticipatory experience- the excitement, the waiting- and then the miscarriage, you’re asking yourself, ‘is it too late?”
A month and a half later, she got pregnant again. Today, she is seven months pregnant with a baby girl.
“The birthing process is just such a miracle… I have such a deep appreciation for what it means to be human.”

Belong

“I’ve never felt a deeper sense of belonging to another being than I do having a being growing inside of me.”
Her book explores the idea that we are all looking to belong. However, as a country, we are lonely and isolated.
“The single most important thing we can do as human beings is to create community for ourselves and for others. It is the most generous act we can do.”
She recognizes that the sensitivity of rejection keeps us from reaching out and building community.
“That’s the hardest part of belonging: being the first person on the dance floor dancing.”
She talks about the fear surrounding leadership on all levels, whether that leading a team as a CEO or reaching out to a friend to see if they want to hang out.

Community

We talk about the importance of community, and a community of many people. We can’t put the pressure of serving every role on just one person.
She remembers not feeling connected to the friends she had in her twenties.
“I woke up at 30 and looked at myself in the mirror and said, ‘my light is dim’.”
From that moment forward, she made the changes she knew she needed.
“Belonging starts with yourself. You have to know who you are first.”
She explores the struggle of labels. The labels we place on ourselves hold us back from growth.

Daybreaker

Imagine your typical wild Saturday night out. But replace the alcohol with breakfast treats.
In the early hours of weekday mornings, Daybreaker gives people the place to be who they are, whether they want to be social or want to keep to themselves.
It involves yoga, dancing, and is all you can eat and all you can drink. Pretty much the greatest experience ever.
“We’re creating space for people. We need a place to self-express.”
“How do we gather? How do we create and design experiences? How do we make friends?”
She addresses the fact that technology has the power to distance us from each other.
“You have all of the power to decide what type of life you want to lead. You have all the opportunities at your fingertips to be able to do that.”

Don’t you just love Radha? I did not want to end our conversation! To keep up with her and her work, head over to belongbook.com to order her book. You can also find her at Instagram.com/love.radha and at her website radhaagrawal.com. Send this girl some love.

Thank you so much for joining along with podcast journey with me. Every DM, comment, and share means the world to me, my team, and my guests. None of this would be possible without you. Head over to the podcast app to subscribe so that you never miss and episode. I also want to invite you to rate the podcast and leave a review while you’re there! Thanks for the support and love.

This episode is brought to you by the free PDF guide called “Moving Through Fear.” It is full of resources that I hope will help guide you through rejecting the lies in your life and finding the truth.

XO,

Kat Harris

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Confront Transition + Unexpected Change with Sara del Monte Nov 28, 2018

Show notes

You guys, this is a pretty important episode. You may know her as Tutti del Monte if you follow her on Instagram or Sara del Monte if you know her in real life. She is one of my best friends, so I call her ‘sissy.’ This episode has quite a few inside jokes and a whole lot of laughter. I wanted to share this with you because Sara inspires me so much with her femininity, grace, patience, and humility. She has gone through a major transition in life this past year and has done so with such grace, even when plans fall to pieces. I look up to this woman for a million and one reasons and am so excited to be sharing her story with you.

Where It All Began

Sara met my ex at a housewarming party and he left the party knowing that we would be best friends. We met later at a photoshoot collaboration and It was love at first sight and we’ve been friends ever since.
“If the only reason he was in my life was to meet you…” “I certainly believe that.”
This time last year, Sara was single, taking time for herself, working out, and focusing on her work with her photography business Boudoir by Tutti.
Our entire friend group felt a change coming, but we weren’t sure what it was going to be or who it was going to be for.
“There was a shift happening and we were in it.”

The Graceful Transition

She became pregnant unexpectedly while living in New York. Though this wasn’t part of her plan, she recognized that this was something she has always wanted.
“It took me my community and it took me some time to understand what this would mean for my life.”
She was determined to stay in New York and raise the baby among friends. “I wanted my life to continue the way it was plus a baby.”
After doing some research and determining what it would actually look like to have a baby in New York, she decided to move home to Florida.
“What keeps me sane is ‘what is the bigger picture here?”

Confronting Expectations

“I always thought being pregnant was going to be with a partner by my side experiencing every little kick of the baby, every appointment at the doctors, every mile stone.”
Not being in a committed relationship with her baby’s dad, she experienced moments of loneliness and sadness. But she got to share those moments with friends, family, and community.
“I still have those things, it just feels so different.”
Though she was tired through pretty much all of her first trimester, she enjoyed the experience of being pregnant.

Faith + Friendship

We have spent a lot of time together doing devotionals and discussing our faith. She isn’t afraid to ask questions and dig into her faith.
“God has really showed up in my life in the way of you.”
Now that she is a mother, she experiences God through her sweet baby boy.
“I feel very grateful that doors have been closed when they have been and doors have been opened when they have been.”
We talk about how there are so many people praying for her baby.

The Last Moments of Pregnancy/ The First Moments of Motherhood

Going in to labor, she knew she didn’t want any epidurals.
“I wanted to experience birth, I just wanted to completely experience it.”
After going to a doctor appointment after her due date had passed, she was told she needed to have labor induced.
“Everything I had planned would from the very get-go be different.”
Packed for a trip to the beach, she instead took a trip to the hospital to give birth.
“Plan something and God up there is laughing.”
She reflects on the pain and beauty of going through labor and letting go of her plans.
“That moment you first see your child is otherworldly.”

I’m going to end this with some advice Sara would have given herself a year ago; I think it’s probably something a lot of you need to hear right now. “Experience the process. There is going to be light at the end of the tunnel.” You can keep up with Sara, her work, and her journey of motherhood on Instagram and at her website.

This episode is brought to you by my free PDF guide “How to Slow Down: 6 Ways to Reset” It is so easy to rush through life. I have been challenged over the year to pause, slow down, and reset. This guide will help you to interrupt the chaos and actually find time to do more things. Go to therefinedwoman.com/freebie to check it out.

XO,

Kat Harris

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Love Does: A Conversation with Bob Goff Nov 20, 2018

Show notes

Do you guys ever send out an email and think ‘this person probably won’t get back to me, but I’ll try anyway’? Me too. Except I got a reply back, and now I got the opportunity to talk with Bob Goff!! (I may have been a little nervous and it may or may not be obvious.) I am inspired by the way he discusses faith, Jesus, loving others, and living a life of adventure. A two-time New York Times best-selling author, Bob Goff wrote Love Does and Everybody Always. You HAVE to get Love Does as a Christmas gift for all of the kiddos in your life. Get your notebooks out; Bob came with some wisdom.

Everybody Always

When I was reading his book, I was astonished when he said his child got into skydiving. He talks about the balance between manipulation and support as a parent.
“If you’re waving off on things because you’re just afraid, I would double check the return address on that.”
He talks about his experience landing planes (he’s pretty much a pro) and telling the air traffic controller that he is a student pilot so they’ll be nicer to him and help him out. He takes it further by saying we should be students in every aspect of life which will bring about more kindness in the world.

Always Right

Personally, I have a need to be right. As a former lawyer, Bob used to have a need to be right.
Reading his book, I was struck when he said, “We can be correct and not right.”
A sports analogy for you: If you want to be right, you are the referee. But Bob sees the other roles you can take on. The cheerleader supports. The mascot represents something greater. We can choose which role we want to fill.
“If applause is the goal, join the circus.”

Taking Notes

“The people who are most engaged in their lives are actually taking notes on them.”
He stresses the idea of capturing everything he talks about. “These things come by you like butterflies, and you don’t have your net out.”
Even in simple conversations, we can become more engaged simply by taking notes. It honors the other person.
If you don’t take notes, a conversation full of wisdom has just blown by you, uncaptured.
“You should walk away having learned more about yourself or more about them.”
Hebrews 11:1 “Faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.”

Love Does

Bob wanted to build some schools. The idea was that the money made from his Love Does book sales would go toward building a school. After selling several million copies, the reach has expanded.
Love Does Org now has built schools in Uganda, Somalia, and Afghanistan.
His book encourages discussions between parents and children.
“One of the things I want to do is just have us have more reasons to be talk with each other and reading stories to each other.”

Finding Your Calling

We discuss how people often quit when things get hard, but quitting should always be a reflection that you have evolved past where you were.
“It’s the wedding of a capability and an opportunity… Your capability may not be your calling.”
We talk about how our decisions can be guided by faith, insecurity, and fear.
“Let yourself know that you are entitled to beautiful relationships.”
“If you take away what you’re known for and you replace it with what you’re longing for, then that would be the beginning of a real conversation.”

Bob challenges all of us to sit down with a friend and say we want to have an authentic conversation. Then share first what we’re known for then who we really are. “Get in touch with these authentic relationships.”

You can keep up with Bob at his website, the Love Does website, and the Dream Big Framework website.

XO,

Kat Harris

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Ben Higgins: Faith, Influence + Impact Nov 13, 2018

Show notes

Unless you’ve lived under a rock, you know Ben Higgins from ABC’s The Bachelor. But what you may not know is that this man has a heart for social good, faith, and leadership. He understands that purchasing power can and should be used to make an impact. This episode, I talk with Ben Higgins about life on The Bachelor, his faith, and his work creating sustainable change through his for profit organization, Generous Coffee.

Life After The Bachelor

When you’re on The Bachelor, you all of a sudden have an audience and millions of eyes are on your life.
While it’s so easy to use this newfound fame and get a big head, Ben has committed to making a difference in the world.
Ben remembers a time when he enjoyed having all eyes on him as the bachelor, but it didn’t last. “The euphoric feeling of having your ego stroked ended- I was left to question a lot of things”

Faith and Work

He recognizes the partnership between faith and action. Instead of just praying things into existence, which is important, he knows we have vital roles to play in creating a world and culture of hope and change. “I don’t think we give ourselves enough credit sometimes.”
“God has entrusted us with skills, intelligence, and wisdom to get to a place where we can be good stewards for the world He has created for us.”
We have to deconstruct our beliefs to strengthen our why’s and live with integrity.
Ben often thinks back to this quote: “Live your life like you’ll be written about in the Bible.”

Creating Lasting Change

Ben’s friend Riley Fuller started a non-profit called Humanity and Hope United, which focuses on ending poverty in Honduras.
Ben and Riley witnessed the poverty and saw that they were being helped, but not in a way that would create lasting change.
He remembered being angry about what he saw for years after until Riley suggested they partner with these countries.
They partnered with communities in Honduras to support them in reaching their goals. Six years in he was overwhelmed with the realization that small businesses were succeeding and children were graduating school.
Today’s ceiling is tomorrow’s floor. Ben challenges himself and others to never get complacent, “How far have we come, and how far can we go?”

Generous Coffee

He recognizes that The Bachelor gave him a platform that allowed him to get funding for their project, but that it won’t last forever.
Two years ago, he and Riley started Generous Coffee as a for-profit business to help fund the non-profit.
Now, Ben is the operating president, chief executive officer, and co-founder along with Drew Scholl and Riley Fuller.
Their coffee comes from nine different countries. T-shirts are made from water bottles by women in Haiti.
Beyond non-profits, there are so many for-profits that donate a portion of their profits to causes they believe in, like Newman’s Own. Following in the footsteps of this, Ben is looking forward to continuing his work with Generous Coffee.
“When you see a purpose, no matter how big or small, stay in your lane and pursue it and complete it and do it with vigor.”

This week’s episode is brought to you by Generous Coffee. It creates a community that creates sustainable change and believes in the unique power of the human being. It is a for-profit business and they’re always partnering with organizations that share their values. Join the movement! Go to generousmovement.com to see their products and what they’re up to.

This episode is ALSO brought to you by Steereo. Are you obsessed with music? Are you looking to stay ahead of the next big music trends? If you become a contributor at Steereo.com/contributor, you can get rewards for rating music!

XO, Kat Harris

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

How to Embrace Your Sexuality with Morgan Day Cecil Nov 07, 2018

Show notes

Integrated feminine wholeness coach Morgan Day Cecil’s message is that God designed you to embrace your inner sexy, and you deserve to lean into it. We are new friends, and already her femininity has inspired me. I hope she will inspire you to embrace your womanhood and sexiness as well. We talk about owning your sexuality for you, and not another person. We explore a topic I never have discussed publicly yet: self-pleasure a.k.a. masturbation.

How to Embrace Your Sexuality

When women ask how to embrace their sexuality, they are asking the permission to find freedom.
“We want a feeling of authenticity and freedom and wholeness in this area of life that sometimes seems scary and shameful.”
The typical definition of ‘sex’ is focused on the male experience.
“I want to feel alive. I want to feel desired, loved, wanted.” Often, people see sex as the answer to these needs.
Morgan recalls how her relationship with sex changed before and after becoming Christian and finding a deeper understanding of her sexuality.
“I started experiencing my sexuality through sensuality.”

Your Sexuality Is for You

One of the biggest lies I believed was that my sexuality was for another person. But then I bought myself some La Perla lingerie for me, because I am worth being connected to my sexuality whether or not a man gets to experience that.
Morgan went on a retreat in Rome and distinctly remembers bringing these women to buy lingerie for themselves.
“It doesn’t have to be about men. When that masculine energy comes in, we feel like we are in the seat of power. Not power over, but power that belongs to us because we are inhabiting our wholeness.”
Too often, female sexuality is seen as dangerous and manipulative.
“It’s this divine dance of intimacy that we are invited to be a part of.”
Coming to a deeper understanding your own sexuality is to become closer to God.
“Start intentionally making love with nature.”

Heartbreak to Healing

Morgan found herself pregnant with the child of a man who wanted nothing to do with it. She reflects on the moments of loneliness in this time.
Fear and anxiety led her to the hospital, but she left with a clearer vision for her life.
“I empowered myself to do what I could from where I was at.”
She was in the Cinderella mindset: “Somebody else has the power to give me a beautiful life.”

Inviting God into the Desire

Masturbation is one of the number thinsg Christian women ask us about.
Intentional self-pleasuring can be a very sacred practice. Most people masturbate in a fantasy that is devoid of any real emotion.
We talk about the slippery slope between the experiences women can have with self-pleasure.
To avoid the wrong experiences, we have to ask ourselves, “What story preceded this desire? Was it a story where the theme is fear or love?”
If self-pleasure seems like a big step for you, go at the pace you feel comfortable with. Maybe that means just being present in nature. This is your journey and you make all of the decisions.

I am so grateful for Morgan and for this unexpected turn in our conversation that I hope will speak to your souls. You can keep up with her at her website. She also posts videos to YouTube daily and she has a workbook available called “A New Narrative.”

This episode is brought to you by Steereo.com. Are you obsessed with music? Are you looking to stay ahead of the next big music trends? If you become a contributor at Steereo.com/contributor, you can get rewards for rating music!

And another thing- I’ve launched a Bible study for YOU! The Space Between Bible Study and Meditation Guide will give you tools to create a regular rhythm of time with God. Head over to therefinedwoman.com/prayer to grab your guide.

XO,

Kat Harris

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Rooted in Truth: Purpose vs Pressure with Jordan Lee Dooley Oct 31, 2018

Show notes

Do you ever meet someone and just know that they’re the real deal and you immediately dive in to some real talk? Jordan Lee Dooley is one of those girls. If you know her, you know this, and if you don’t, well… you’ll see. This girl lives in a farm house in Indiana with her husband and is the author of Purpose and the creator of the She Podcast. Her mission in life is to show others their purpose and encourage them to live out that purpose.

Being an Honest Example

“It’s trendy to use that language. It’s not so tangible to put into practice.”
As an achiever (where my type 3 enneagram ladies at?), she wrote an entire book and found that she wasn’t slowing down or celebrating after.
“I was living under this chronic pressure to prove.”
After having a shower meltdown and panicked phone call to her mother, she decided to show herself some grace and focus on practicing what she preaches. “If I say this publicly, is it being represented 100% privately?”
We talk about the balance between not sharing things before you are ready to and not putting on an act of having it all together.

Choosing Boundaries

“My ideas create chaos in my life.”
She recognizes that she had a broad vision that didn’t bring structure to her life and work. Once she sat down and got clear on that, she found structure and boundaries.
“At what point have I made things out of a place of ‘this is expected of me’ rather than from a place of ‘this is truly my heart’s passion’.”
She talks about dropping the need to please everybody.
Implementable imperfect action… Jordan likes to physically write down what she is working on so she can assess what is actually in line with her mission and purpose. Pressure versus purpose.
“I have more space in my life.” She now works with her team to make sure things are restructured according to purpose.
“God is good, even when life is not… Rooting myself in that truth helps me make decisions.”
Focusing on this truth allows her to detach from circumstance and focus on her purpose in every area of life.

If you loved this episode, take a screenshot and share on your IG stories! Tag @therefinedcollective and let’s have a conversation about the episode.

This episode was sponsored by Branch Basics, a brand created by women with the goal of revolutionizing the home with non-toxic cleaning products. These products bring simplicity and functionality into your life and I’m all about that. They gave me a special code to share with you for 20% off your first order: (refinedcollective). Thanks, Branch Basics!

Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.