The Refined Collective Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Jesus, Desire, and the Deconstruction of Sex with Johan Khalilian and Kat Harris Jul 23, 2018

Show notes

Johan Khalilian has been a dear friend for years, and today he is a guest on the podcast! He is a person who fights for truth, and there isn’t a complacent bone in his body. He continually challenges himself and those around him to grow. He is a youth motivational speaker and has been for fifteen years. Today we’re talking about God, faith, and the deconstruction of sex.

Truth and Rebellion

“Seeing God clearly is the point of life.”

He decided early on that he was never going to drink alcohol or do drugs, because his uncle was an example of what that lifestyle looked like and he didn’t want that for himself.

He works to go against what others expect of him. “I think we all have a rebellious spirit in us.”

The key is to know when it is the time to rebel.
Society labels things good or bad for us, but we need to learn to be comfortable enough in the grey area to determine our own good and bad.

“Truth is this thing we have to consistently be pursuing.”

The Superpower of Sex

Seeing his uncle take advantage of women as a child, Johan decided at a young age that he wasn’t going to be a womanizer. He wanted sex to be meaningful. At the time it wasn’t a faith-based decision, but a pure act of rebellion.
He now teaches abstinence in the faith-based framework.

“Wherever God is, I want to be.”

He opens up about his experience having sex for the first time--and the deconstruction after that. The realization of how much of his identity was wrapped around his sex life--or lack there of.
We acknowledge the fact that it is easy to feel shame when it comes to sexual desire, but that is not a healthy way to live.

When You Stray

Johan has had rollercoaster relationships with women, and his decision to be abstinent.
He found himself in places of pain, hurt, and lacking fulfillment.

“You just walk away still feeling alone.”

He recognized that sex does not provide intimacy to his relationship.
He opens up about the thought that maybe he is going to be single his whole life, and what then?

Making Your Decision

Sometimes you have to drop the “should” and “shouldn’t” and evaluate your decision on a deeper level.
I connect this back to a story of the time I was confronted with the decision to smoke weed also.

We talk about how women and men experience the balance of relationships differently.

Johan is such a gift and I am so glad I had the opportunity to talk to him on the podcast. You can keep up with him on Instagram, or at his website, www.johanspeaks.com. I hope this helped give you insight into how variable the journey of abstinence can be. Remember, tribe, you are not alone in this!

This episode is brought to you by my very own PDF Guide called “While You Wait.” I made this resource guide to help guide others in their journey to wait to have sex until marriage. I remember feeling so lost on my “why” and these resources helped guide me toward it and I hope they can provide guidance for y’all too.

Friends, it would mean so much if you showed some love by subscribing, rating, and reviewing the podcast. Screenshot your review and DM it to me and I will give you a shoutout on Instagram! I appreciate you all so much.

XO,

Kat

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How to be a Powerful Woman with Carmina Becerra PS You already are one. Jul 17, 2018

Show notes

How to be a Powerful Woman with Carmina Becerra PS You already are one.

Usually I record podcasts remotely. But this episode, I got to sit on Carmina Philipe’s couch with green smoothies in hand to talk about life, love, and everything that goes along with it. Carmina is a powerful woman. She is the co-founder of Camera Ready, a media training company. Prior to this, she worked as a TV host on networks like Telemundo and Univision. She has interviewed people like David Beckham, Chris Martin, and Sophia Vergara, y’all! More recently, she has become a wife. Now, let’s dive into her journey there.

Rediscovering Herself

Recently, she has gone on a journey of rediscovering loving her body today, not some future or past version of it. And man it has been a journey.
She talks about shifting from knowing to believing that she is a powerful woman. It was easy to say that, but fear kept her from really owning it. After a lot of self-work she can now say about embracing herself as a powerful woman, “Now, I’m courageous enough to feel it.”
“What’s important for me is how I feel and not how it looks on the outside.”

Freedom Begins with Structure

As Carmina said, for the sake of taking a stand for her freedom she used to let her “freak flag fly”. But now she is finding the beauty and freedom within structure.
“There’s freedom in structure, and there’s freedom in integrity. I have never felt more free.”
We talk about the safety and comfort of structure. The canvas for the painter is a boundary, a structure. But it’s that boundary that creates the space to create freely. We need,structure to live.
This relates to her former belief, out of fear, that monogamy was not for her. It felt less risky to just not want marriage, because if it didn’t happen it was because she didn’t choose it. It protected her from rejection--from the fear of not being chosen. But now she not only believes in the beauty and intimacy within the marriage relationship. She herself is living that freedom in the structure of marriage with the man she loves.

Past Insecurities

When she was little, she asked a boy to see a movie with her and he promptly told her she looked like a dog becsuse her skin was brown. She decided to believe from that moment that she wasn’t good enough.
Over the years she found herself in relationships where she was cheated. Looking back on her past she asked herself “how did I create that?”, and realized, “We are treated (by others), the way we treat ourselves”.
She kept her relationships surface level, having sex with men but pretending to be perfect. “I wouldn’t let them see my vulnerability or my insecurities or my fears.”
Her mother always taught her that strength was found in hiding your sadness, fear, and insecurities.
“I was so fearful of that type of love, the love that I have now.”
"He gets to see parts of me that I so dislike and he loves them.”

Shifting the Narrative

When she was in high school, she had such feelings of unworthiness that she decided to attempt suicide.
Her mother found her in time, and she was able to come back from that experience.
“God wanted me to be here, so what is that purpose then?”
She dove into self-discovery books, found a great mentor in a nun and got into music and sports.
“I matter. I matter because I have something to give.”
From there, she decided to live and work in the service of others. She tries to always remain a student and learn something new.
Every day, she is choosing integrity and grace.

If you find yourself giving in to fears and insecurities, “Interrupt it. Choose something else.”

I am so excited I got to share Carmina with y’all. Here is where you can keep up with her. She is on Instagram and Facebook as @coachcarmina and @camerareadynow. Camera Ready is taking on new clients so if you’d like to get in touch with her, email her at coachcarminabecerra@gmail.com.

If you would like to become a patron of The Refined Collective Podcast, I would be so grateful. You can pledge as little as $5 a month! You can sign up here: https://www.patreon.com/therefinedcollective.

This episode is brought to you by the free PDF guide called “Moving Through Fear.” It is full of resources that I hope will help guide you through rejecting the lies in your life and finding the truth. You can find it at http://www.therefinedwoman.com/freebie/

Links:

Coach Carmina Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Coachcarmina/?ref=br_rs

Coach Carmina Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/coachcarmina/

Camera Ready Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/camerareadynow/

Camera Ready Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/camerareadynow/

The Refined Collective Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therefinedcollective

PDF Guide Moving Through Fear: http://www.therefinedwoman.com/freebie/

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Love + Football: Female Empowerment in a Male Dominated Industry with Samantha Ponder Jul 10, 2018

Show notes

Love + Football: Female Empowerment in a Male Dominated Industry with Samantha Ponder

This week, I am talking to Samantha Ponder, the Sunday NFL Countdown host on ESPN. Y’all. She is the first female host of an NFL pregame show. She lives in New York City with her husband Christian, whom she married after three months of dating, and they have their third child on the way! This episode, I talk with her about how she got to where she is in her career, what it’s like being in a male dominated industry, and how she navigates marriage with her husband of five years.

Taking A Chance and Putting in the Work

Right after high school graduation, Sam moved to New York to pursue her dream.
“I didn’t know anybody, I had a couple credit cards with $250 maximums and some Wendy’s coupons and I figured it out.”
She credits her internship experiences as her ticket into a difficult and intimidating industry.
Every single one of her ‘all of a sudden’ moments was born out of hard work and dedication.

Battling Insecurity

Achievement doesn’t solve all of life’s problems y’all.
Before she got married, she thought marriage- someone choosing you for forever- would eliminate any insecurity. Through her own marriage, she learned that that’s an unhealthy pressure to put on anyone let alone her husband.
She finds that insecurities allow for connection with others, and let’s be real, nobody is perfect and even if there were such a thing, how isolating would that be?

Woman in a Man’s World

Sam notes that sometimes women will try to act like men in order to work in a male dominated field, but it’s a flawed idea.
“We want to be empowered and independent and strong. We want all of those things but not at the risk of losing our ability to connect with other people.”
She notes that coaches have been warm because of her feminine ability to connect with others.
When faced with criticism, she remembers an important piece of advice: “The only thing that should really keep you up at night is if something has some truth to it.”

Love and Basketball Football

Sam’s love story began when NFL quarterback and now-husband Christian tweeted her! (Social media for the win!)
They met for the first time in September, and got married in December. In those few months, they were living in different states and would only see each other one day a week.
Five years in, and with their third child on the way, Sam has learned a lot about love.
She notes that they were both selfish when they met. “What I didn’t realize is so much of love is self-sacrifice.”
She now realizes all of the work that is necessary. “The goal should not be comfort. Comfort is boring. Let’s get messy. Let’s work through our insecurities.”

Sam has accomplished so much already in her life, and is so very wise. Looking back, she wishes she had slowed down a bit and appreciated the quiet moments. I am so grateful I got to talk with this inspiring woman. I’ll leave you with some of her advice.

“Enjoy the process,

Embrace the struggle,

Don’t be afraid to be sad.”

This episode is brought to you by The Flourish Market. The Flourish Market is a place where every product has a bigger purpose, and you can snag ethically made on trend clothes, jewelry, bags, and accessories at accessible price points, all while supporting the causes you care about.

Visit www.theflourishmarket.com/refinedcollective, and you're going to find 5 fun resources from owner Em to help you 'fill your cup,' along with a special discount code you can use on your first purchase. Thanks Flourish Market!

Links:

Sam Ponder Instagram

Sam Ponder Twitter

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Impact Entrepreneurship with Liz Bohannon of Sseko Designs Jun 26, 2018

Show notes

If you’re ever looking for an excuse to sit and talk with the people you most admire, start a podcast. This week I am talking to the amazing impact entrepreneur, Liz Bohannon. She lives in Portland, Oregon but her reach extends across continents. She is the Co-Founder and CEO of Sseko Designs, an ethical fashion brand. The amazing thing is that they work directly with women in East Africa and help a lot of them earn money to go to college.

Sisterhood of the Traveling Kaftan

Liz and I met at the Wild Hearts Conference. When we were in the green room backstage, I literally asked her if I could try on the dress she was wearing. Yes, that was the start of our friendship.
I never thought a kaftan would look good on me, but it did! And this dress fits all sizes from 0 to 16. How incredible is that?
“I didn’t think I was going to kaftan evangelize, at least not this early in the podcast.”

Enneagram Insights

Is anyone else obsessed with personality tests??
We come to the conclusion that if you’re a bit uncomfortable with your enneagram score, it means you probably got the right score. Wanna know what numbers Liz and I are? You gotta listen to the episode!
Enneagrams help Liz to recognize everyone’s unique contributions to this complex world we live in. “I am delighted by difference.”

Growing Community

“Come be a part of what we’re doing, but don’t do it out of pity or charity. Do it out of a sense of camaraderie and excitement about the future that we’re building together.”Sseko Designs has a Fellow program where people in the United States can be involved with the brand by hosting events and representing Sseko in their own community.
Liz found that there was a need for opportunity for women in the United States as well as East Africa.
Recently Sseko Designs brought 10 United States Fellows to Uganda. The women of Sseko and the fellows got a chance to share their stories with one another. How powerful is that?
“You’re not going on a mission trip, you are going to meet your colleagues that are alongside of you and that are co-creating a brighter future with you.”
Liz is constantly asking herself, “Are we doing this in a way that is consistent, true to the core of our mission, and our why?”

For those of you who are inspired by what you’ve learned here today, you can make a difference. Liz loves to see inspired women inspire other women. It starts a chain of fulfillment and passion for life. “If she can do it, why can’t I?”

I hope you’re feeling as absolutely inspired as I am. Liz is such a genuine soul and I had so much fun talking with her. If you enjoyed this episode, I want to invite you to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast. It would mean so much!

This episode is brought to you by the free PDF guide called “While You Wait.” It is full of resources that I personally found to be very helpful while I was finding my ‘why’ behind waiting until marriage to have sex.

XO,

Kat Harris

Links:

Sseko Designs Website

Sseko Deigns Fellow Program

Sseko Designs Kaftan

‘Meet the Women’

Sseko Deisngs Instagram

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The Art of Storytelling with Morgan Harper Nichols Jun 15, 2018

Show notes

When I stumbled,

I stumbled

not backward,

but forward.

So when I fell,

I fell into grace.

--Morgan Harper Nichols

Poet Morgan Harper Nichols speaks the words that my heart doesn’t know it’s trying to say.

On a whim I reached out to one of my favorite poets, Morgan Harper Nichols, to be on The Refined Collective Podcast. When she replied yes, I was OVER THE MOON!

She writes poetry that I’m sure you’ve seen, even if you didn’t realize it. She also spent time as a touring musician and collaborates with her sister on songs that have found success on Spotify and at the Grammys! This episode, we dive deeper than her achievements and I get to know Morgan, her doubts, and her dreams. Now it’s your turn to get to know her.

Pushing Through the Pushback

“A lot of the things I am interested in come from a place of curiosity.”
As a creative, she saw fellow creatives around her moving through their careers and lives with confidence, something she didn’t feel she had.
“God gave me these gifts to create things and be creative but at the same time I didn’t feel as dynamic or interesting.”

Through all of this there is one major pushback: doubt, the universe’s way of speaking lies over her truth.

One of her major doubts is in her compatibility with her passion. She is not always open about her feelings and finds that she needs to think through feelings before she can express them.

Beyond all of this, being self-employed can be scary. This idea that it could all disappear in a moment is something I can relate to completely.

She doesn’t let these fears slow her down. “There’s more to the story. There’s a reason you’ve made it this far.”

Intentional Pursuit of the Dream

Social media became popular when she was in her late teens and it gave her an outlet for when insecurity and doubt felt overwhelming.
She is very intentional about her social media use and it makes all the difference when these platforms can be draining.
“I go to share first, and then I consume.”
She never goes on Instagram when she has free time to spend. She goes on to share and, when she needs it, to look at a collection she has of posts that inspire her.
“There is nothing wrong with dreaming.” She keeps her dreams unattached to people or places. She focuses on her vision for herself and the way she contributes to the world.

Serving Others to Find Yourself

She started writing poems directed specifically to individuals who had reached out for them.
Looking back at those poems, she found pieces of herself hidden in them.
“Oh wow, that was for me all along.”
Working through her emotions is always a process, but serving others has helped her find the words.
It’s important to sometimes just pause and listen to others. “I pay attention to what stands out to me, it’s typically telling me something about myself.”
She often looks to the past as well. She recognizes that memories that stick out in her mind from childhood are sticking out in her mind for a reason all these years later. They all hold meaning. “I have such a passion for memory.”

Looking back at her younger self, she has a bit of advice. “She doesn’t have to be someone else’s version of interesting in order to show up and be comfortable in the world.”

Morgan’s Favorite Things

Instagram has opened her eyes to the beauty that is storefronts. “There is this whole world of people who just really love looking at storefronts and I guess I have joined them.” (If you’re into storefronts, she recommends the account @storefrontcollective)
Google Home was a present from her parents and she uses it all the time, including having it read out information about canyons.
iPhone photography is a newfound passion. “This device can do more than respond to texts and answer emails.”

“Wherever you are, you are still free to make the most of every single day.” Go out and use your gifts, tribe. I am so grateful for Morgan and I hope you enjoyed this episode. Go find her on Instagram and send her a message; she loves starting conversations with you!

XO,

Kat Harris

Links:

Morgan Harper Nichols’s website: https://morganharpernichols.com/

Morgan Harper Nichols’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/morganharpernichols/?hl=en

Storefront Collective Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/storefrontcollective/?hl=en

Google Home: https://store.google.com/us/product/google_home?hl=en-US

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Sexless in the City Part II: Developing a New Vision for Christian Sexuality Jun 04, 2018

Show notes

I'm still blown away by how many of you have emailed and asked me questions about my story on waiting until marriage to have sex. In order to serve you better, this week I am talking with Church of the City New York pastor, Jon Tyson. And yes, he’s our very first man on our podcast! (No pressure Jon!) We talk about the cultural landscape of sexuality in Western culture, and how we got here. From the sexual revolution, to pornography, to online dating, to sex--we cover a lot of ground. We land on Jon describing what it looks like to develop a Christian vision for sexuality.

Y’all might want to grab a journal and pen for this one!

‘Who Am I Becoming By What I Am Doing?’

“Sex is a powerful force, and how we use it shapes us tremendously.”
Jon asks why we as a society date people we know we don’t actually like. Is it because we lack a vision for our love life?

Developing a New Vision for Christian Sexuality

Sex points beyond itself.

Jon teaches that sex points beyond the physical to our deep longing to be apart of something great than ourselves, outside of ourselves--to be full known, seen, and accepted.

Vision of Holistic Integration.

Culture is obsessed with sex and technique. Yet the Christian worldview is that of holistically integrating relationship, intimacy, heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Sex is Tied to Our Transformation.

Saying no to something we want in the moment has the capacity to produce deep growth within us through developing self-control, respect, and learning to think of others. Saying no to sex outside of marriage develops our character, and leads to the Christian idea of sacrificial love.

A Witness to the World.

Christian sexuality has the opportunity to offer a redemptive narrative in a world of hurt and brokenness. Why? Because God is a restorer; it’s what He does.

Jon’s Favorite Resources

There is so much to explore about this topic, so Jon is sharing a few of his favorite resources for y’all!

Divine Sex by Jonathan Grant. He warns that it’s very heavy and philosophical. I am currently reading it and love it!
Love Thy Body by Nancy Pearcey talks all about why our bodies matter.
The final book he recommends is A Better Story by Glynn Harrison.

I hope y’all enjoyed this episode as much as I did. Our first-ever male podcast guest! If you enjoyed this episode, let me know. Screenshot you listening to it and share it with me on Instagram stories. I want to talk with you! Remember, tribe, you are not alone in this and God has a plan for you.

If you want more, I have something you’ll love. I made a free PDF guide called “While You Wait” full of resources that I personally found to be very helpful while I was finding my ‘why.’ You can find it at therefinedwoman.com/freebie.

XO,

Kat

Links:

Jon Tyson’s Instagram

Church of the City Website

Church of the City Instagram

While You Wait PDF Guide

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Chasing Your Why: Career Pivots for the Creative Entrepreneur with Jasmine Star May 29, 2018

Show notes

It was a gift to interview the wonderful photographer and business strategist for creative entrepreneurs, Jasmine Star, this week for the podcast. She dives into the process of dropping out of law school to pursue her dreams and how she became a photographer and business strategist. She opens up about how her intentional career pivots as a small business owner that got her to where she is today, how she strategized, chased her why, and how she created the life she wanted to live. She has an infectious energy and passion that I cannot wait to share with y’all.

Straying From ‘Safe’

Jasmine’s father emigrated from Mexico, and her mother moved to mainland United States from Puerto Rico.
She was homeschooled throughout childhood, but through academic scholarships, she was able to go to college and major in business administration, then go on to law school.
As a first generation college grad, she had placed a pressure on herself to follow this path.
When Jasmine was 25, her mom had a cancer relapse. Not only did her mother make it through this relapse (she is alive and well today), but this also made Jasmine think long and hard about what she wanted her life to look like and law school wasn’t a part of it.
“It was leaving me vacant. I wasn’t living my truth… I am destined and called to do things other than be on the safe path.”

Pivoting Toward Success

When she envisioned the perfect day, she thought of photography, yoga, interviewing, and writing.
She had been limiting herself to what she saw others doing. When she realized this, she decided to pursue her perfect day and perfect life.
“I never gave myself the opportunity to verbalize what it is that I wanted because in my mind it didn’t exist.”
She started a photography business with her husband and they experienced such great success that she felt they had no more room to grow or challenge themselves so she pivoted again.

Chasing Your ‘Why’

Jasmine recalls a quote from Taylor Swift: “When you’re chasing two rabbits, you miss them both.” She took this and applied it to her career.
She and her husband took a yearlong sabbatical from the photography business and planned a strategic risk to jump into business strategy.
As a business strategist, Jasmine is serving others. We talk about the balance between serving others while also being a smart entrepreneur and came to the conclusion that it’s not a balance; they are one and the same.

Jasmine is living her mission: “Empowering the perceived underdogs to pursue their wild and crazy dreams, to build a business they love, and a life that makes them proud.”

Jasmine’s Favorite Things

She’s tried pretty much every plant-based cleanse out there and she is obsessed. It involves eating plant-based foods for three days every three weeks. She loves the one from Nutrivenience because it is Cali-based and they deliver right to your doorstep.
Hot yoga done to hip hop music. Incredible, right? “Ice-T really gets you going in the morning.”
Proud Mary Coffee- they roast their beans in Australia!

Looking back, she wishes she invested in herself and got guidance in the form of mentorship, coaching, or masterminds sooner. Now, she is the person giving guidance to those who need it and making businesses all over thrive.

“Take bigger risks; jump and the net will appear.”

I’m so grateful to Jasmine for sharing her heart and hope y’all learned as much as I did!

This episode is possible because of all of our patreons! If you would like to sign up to pledge monthly donations to help make The Refined Collective Podcast continue and grow, I would be so grateful. You can pledge as little as $5 a month!

XO,

Kat

Links:

Jasmine Star’s Website: https://jasminestar.com/

Jasmine Star’s Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jasminestar/

Nutrivenience: https://www.nutrivenience.net/order/three-day-cleanse

Proud Mary Coffee: https://proudmarycoffee.com/

The Refined Collective Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/therefinedcollective/memberships

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Building Your Business from the Ground Up with Bethany McDaniel from Primally Pure May 22, 2018

Show notes

Bethany is the founder of Primally Pure, a small business and brand based out of wine country California. They creates toxin-free and completely natural skincare products. We met each other the Jenna Kutcher Mastermind that I'm in this year, and I was so inspired by her business.

Bethany built her business from the ground up. And while there is no formula to success there is one secret from Bethany's experience that will propel you forward: invest into your success

In this episode, she opens up about every aspect of her business, from how she got her start to how much growth she experienced over the years.

Planting the Seed

Bethany and her husband both had 9-5 jobs, but he spontaneously decided to start a farm one day.
They began selling their food, quit their 9-5 jobs, and moved in with his family while they built their business.

Investing in Success

Six months in to launching the business, they rebranded and began hiring employees for Primally Pure.
After hiring their first full time employee, Bethany felt committed to the business’s success. With the help of employees, she was also able to take time off after giving birth to her daughter, June.
“I just went for it, and I’m glad I did. I couldn’t imagine it any other way.”

Surrendering to the Process

At the start of Primally Pure, there were only four products sold: deodorant, lip balm, body butter, and outdoor lotion.
Three and a half years later, Primally Pure offers over thirty products, including three of the original products (deodorant, lip balm, and body butter).
“I’m still leading the charge in that area but I have a lot of help now. I have a team of 13 and they’re amazing.”

Bethany’s passion for health and wellness shines through in everything she does and I hope the way she opened up about her process as a business owner was able to open up your eyes to the fact that we all have small beginnings. But that doesn’t mean we won’t find success.

“Trust in the Lord with your dreams every step of the way and He’ll make them bigger than you could ever imagine them to be,” Bethany says.

Be sure and subscribe, rate + review us on iTunes! It'd mean so much to us!

XO,

Kat Harris

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Sexless in the City Part 1: Dating, Relationships, and Sex May 15, 2018

Show notes

Back in January, I was on The Happy Hour with Jamie Ivey podcast. As her guest, I reflect on old jobs, old perspectives, and old heartache. It was the first time I did a podcast interview about my choice to remain celibate until marriage, and what that journey looks like for me. Ever since that episode aired, I have received over a thousand messages from people curious about my decision and my thoughts on dating, relationships, and sex. As more and more of you are expressing an interest in my sex--or sexless--life, I thought I would give you the opportunity to revisit it!

“God’s timing is different from ours.”

When relationships don’t work out, our first reaction is to be disappointed. But there are several relationships that I look back on and thank God it didn’t go anywhere. My girlfriends and I often say, “Rejection is protection” because the relationships that don’t work out can open you up to be ready for a relationship that will be the one you deserve.

“I know I would rather be single than with a man who’s not a good fit for me.”

Choosing not to have sex until I’m married is a decision I made when I was young. Now, as a 32-year-old living in New York, it can feel like God is testing me. I won’t lie, there were a few times I wanted to abandon my commitment and came close to it. Some things I remind myself of are the fact that sex would cloud my judgment. There are some relationships where it felt like all we had was physical attraction and intimacy. But that can’t hold a relationship, especially if you get married, have kids, and go through phases of not having that physical intimacy.

Sustainable transformation

Beyond this, I talk with Jamie about how I made practical changes in my life for my health and happiness, like getting sleep and taking time for myself once in a while. Too often we think we have to do it 100% or not at all, but that keeps us from change and progress. We have to be patient and intentional in the pursuit of our goals. Don’t compare your journey to someone else’s. We are all in process and that is okay.

Changing the dialogue

The Refined Woman was created five years ago while I was shooting runway. While reflecting on this with Jamie, I remember a model coming up to me after a shoot and thanking me for simply asking her name. I remember thinking “What does it look like to offer a different dialogue in an industry that says I matter because of what I do, my status, the power I do or do not have.”

Five years into changing this dialogue, I am grateful for the tribe it has created. I hope this was informative for you no matter what your choices are or what your faith is. I’ll be working on more content related to my journey for y’all.

Thanks for listening, tribe. This episode was sponsored by Jamie Ivey's Podcast The Happy Hour. Each week she interviews a women of faith, living a purposeful life. Subscribe to her podcast here + find her on instagram here! Thanks, Happy Hour!

PS Photo c/o Sara Kerens

XO, Kat Harris

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Is Physical Illness Tied to Spiritual and Emotional Health? May 08, 2018

Show notes

Komal Minhas is a first generation Indian-Canadian immigrant who, in just the past two years, was invited to the White House to premier her documentary ‘Dream, Girl,’ was named one of Oprah’s Supersoul 100, and was on the cover of Power & Influence Magazine. Her passion is fostering the advancement of women and girls, especially women and girls of color. We got so lost in our conversation that we hardly got past the first question. There is just so much to share!

We Are Not Invincible

Right at the time when all of these tremendous accomplishments were happening in her life, she was hit with a diagnosis of a rare form of melanoma and the subsequent surgeries needed to remove it.
As a first generation immigrant and woman of color, Komal has always felt the need to push through everything, but this was not something she could push through on her own.
Komal opens up about her vertigo and partial vision loss she woke up with one morning and talks about her healing process.

“There Were Whispers”

Looking back, she sees warning signs that she was on her way to that breaking point. “I had developed a version of myself that only knew how to run.”
She sees connections back to her past, including witnessing abuse and violence as she was growing up.
She recognizes that she can’t place blame on herself for any of it. “ I did not do this to myself, but I can recover from it in the ways I can.”

The Healing Process

We talk a lot about something that I relate to personally: the connection between the physical, spiritual, and emotional health.
Komal found healing by practicing self-care: meditation, using a mindset coach, and seeing her doctors. “Doing the really tough things that build a strong foundation in our lives, within which, once that’s done, facials and manicures can actually make you feel good.”
We discuss the idea of cutting out the bad in life. While that’s a good practice, you have to make sure to have the hard conversations where needed.
She emphasizes that you have to allow your self to feel all of your feelings (especially the bad ones), because they are valid and you need to understand them in order to move through them. “What different perspectives can we give to the memories that are haunting us?”

Thanks for listening, tribe. This episode was sponsored by our very own Patreon Tribe! You can join our Podcast Tribe at www.patreon.com/therefinedcollective and support our Podcast for as little as $5/month with first access to the podcast!

XO, Kat Harris

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