The Purposeful Career Podcast

Latest Episodes:

Ep 015: How to Overcome Fear of Judgment (Conquering Fear #3 of 5) Apr 11, 2021

Show notes

In episode #1 in our Getting Unstuck series, we're exploring Fear of Judgment.
Or as I like to call it, Fear of What THEY Will Think.
This is where we avoid taking a risk or trying something new because we fear what OTHERS will think of us if we do.

For so many of us – especially in the age of the internet and social media where, to some extent, it’s about portraying the ideal external image to others – it’s even more prevalent than maybe ever before in history.

We worry how we’ll look – literally and figuratively.

We worry about our image, about falling short of our peer group or being less than or different from the “tribes” we associate with or relate to.

Given that humans are tribal by nature, it’s no wonder we are so concerned with fitting in.

For our caveman ancestors, being part of the TRIBE or saying with the tribe equated to safety.

Being different from might get us cast out, which for our caveman ancestor might have meant death.

That instinct is part of our primitive brain, the part that is about keeping us safe from danger.

So, while humans have come a long way from our caveman days, there are not lions roaming our streets, we still have the deep desire to belong.

To be accepted.

To be part of the tribe.

It’s part of how we’re socialized.

So when we’re growing up, some of us were taught it was important to look respectable to others. “What will the neighbors think?”

That’s what middle school is all about right? Fitting in. Wearing the right brands. Going to the right parties. Fitting in.

Now with social media, people use photo filters or other apps to make themselves look better. They curate their image so they portray a certain image to the world.

It’s about managing our image; another form of caring what THEY will think.

And, we carry this into our professional lives by focusing a lot on fitting in with our work culture and conforming to other others in your work tribe present themselves.

All of these can become reasons we hold ourselves to a certain standard.

And why we fear so deeply what moving on from or evolving our career or life can mean.

We worry what “THEY” will think about us if we change.

How we will be judged – whether we success OR fail.

And what will happen as a result.

Could we lose our job?

Our friends?

Will we hurt our relationship with our family?

That’s why so many of us don’t pursue those big dreams if they differ too much from the tribe we identify with – whether family or friend or company you work in.

We worry THEY’LL think we’re foolish.

Or that they’ll talk about us behind our back.

Or whatever.

But I would submit that it’s really about something much deeper.

When we concern ourselves with what THEY will think, there’s a much deeper reason that we’re probably not connected to.

It’s less about what OTHERS will think – even though that’s what we’re telling ourselves – and MORE about how WE see OURSELVES.

I know from my coaching practice that most people – to some degree – believe that on some level, they are not enough.

Not good enough.

Not perfect enough.

Not whatever enough.

That’s where this Fear of What THEY Will Think comes from.

We first wonder whether we’re good enough.

Because most of us deeply believe that we’re lacking in some way.

Do you have a question you'd like to have addressed on the podcast? Want to give us some feedback or suggestions? Click here to send us a text.

Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.

Ep 014: How to Get Past Fear of the Unknown (Conquering Fear #2 of 5) Apr 04, 2021

Show notes

Last week, we kicked off a new series on Being Stuck.

In last week’s episode, we looked at it at a high level and from the perspective of how ‘staying stuck’ is soothing you or making you feel better.

I thought that was an interesting way to look at it because most of the time when we talk about being stuck or getting unstuck, we look at “how” to do it.

I started this series by talking about how staying stuck might be serving you.

And not serving you in that staying stuck is going to get you where we need to go. It’s not.

But instead, how staying stuck is a technique we use to avoid discomfort.

Staying stuck makes us feel better. Calmer. In control.

And given the pace of change today, I think more and more people are living stuck.

It’s a choice we make. Sometimes it doesn’t FEEL like a choice. But it IS a choice.

A choice we make so we can FEEL better.

We’re going to be talking about it all through April.

But in each of the next four episodes, we’re going to take one reason we get stuck and we’re going to go deep.

We’re going to examine stuck-ness and look at how we get there.

Because it’s about how our BRAIN works.

As you know, on this podcast and in my business, we look at how to build a meaningful career from the inside out. And I know this is different from a lot of other business and career coaches.

But what I know for sure is that having an amazing career. One that is meaningful and aligned with what you REALLY want. And one that plays well with and complements your life, is about mastering the art of how you think.

It’s about overcoming our insecurities and irrational fears and false or limiting beliefs and training our brain to instead think powerful, confident thoughts that serve you and are aligned with where you want to go.

And this will transform everything about your career and life – relationships, achievements, satisfaction, skills, possibilities – and so much more.

But today, we’re going to tackle something that affects so many of us and that is the Fear of the Unknown.

Because this is one of the big reasons people choose to stay stuck. Choose to put their dreams aside.

For me, this is a topic that’s near and dear to my heart because I’ve experienced it first-hand.

I know that when people who know me look at my journey from the outside, hearing me say that I’ve struggled with Fear of the Unknown kind of doesn’t make sense.

After all, the golden thread that runs through my life is CHANGE.

I claim to LOVE change.

And I do.

But the truth is, I like change on MY terms.

When I can control it.

When I believe I’m in charge of whatever change is happening and can vet what’s coming and DECIDE that I feel comfortable with it.

And my life is proof of that.

I started as a hairstylist paying my own way through a private college and over the next twenty years, I became a multi-six figure-earning corporate brand strategist. Along the way, I lived in 10 different cities and I’ve lost track of the number of houses I’ve bought.

So I really believed I was ALL ABOUT change.

I told myself and others that I loved it. And I could kind of never relate when people said they were afraid of it.

So, imagine my surprise when I had an idea for my business – way back in 2011 by the way – and then found myself struggling get the courage to finally DO IT.

And as I began to explore the why

Do you have a question you'd like to have addressed on the podcast? Want to give us some feedback or suggestions? Click here to send us a text.

Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.

Ep 013: Four Ways Staying Stuck is Soothing You (Conquering Fear #1 of 5) Mar 28, 2021

Show notes

In this episode, we explore how we get stuck.

Specifically, we look at the Four Ways Staying Stuck Is Soothing You.

Notice I didn’t say “serving you”. I said SOOTHING YOU.

Because being stuck never serves us.

But you might be really surprised to learn ALL the ways it might actually be making you FEEL better.

This episode is going to give you a different perspective of stuckness.

Usually, when someone discusses the topic, they share tips on how to get UNSTUCK.

And we’ll get there because all through April we’re going to dive deep into the subject to look at all the ways we stay stuck and what to do about it.

But first, I want to explore the topic from the perspective of the fact that being stuck actually CAN make us feel better, or soothe us, from an emotional perspective. Even though it never serves us in reality.

But staying stuck CAN make us feel better.

And today, we’re going to look at all the way that happens.

So, let’s dive in. This is going to be an interesting topic.

Let’s start by looking at people who AREN’T stuck.

Meaning those who are putting themselves out there, pursuing the things they want and go for it.

What’s their secret?

At the heart of it, it’s about them not allowing fear – in all its various forms – stand in their way.

People who don’t get stuck have mastered the ability to TRUST THEIR DESIRES and to work through any negative emotions – LIKE FEAR – that might come up for them.

They don’t let FEAR stand in their way.

They trust themselves and their ability to go after and GET that new thing.

On the other hand, those who stay stuck do that because their fear of change is stronger than their desire to have that new thing.

They might dream of something new.

But as they consider what it will take to go after it, they find themselves facing the various ways that fear can come up for us.

And so, they resist the fear by choosing to stay stuck instead of putting themselves out there and facing it.

They SOOTHE themselves by NOT pursuing that new dream.

Because even though NOT pursuing the dream can feel disappointing or frustrating, those emotions are still preferred by some over the fears they’ll need to face if they pursue it.

Here are the four reasons we choose to stay stuck:
1. Fear of the unknown
2. Fear of being judged or what "they" will think
3. Fear of failure
4. Fear of success
Give this episode a listen to learn how one of these ways might be showing up for you.
This is the start of a new four part series on how to get unstuck, using the latest in cognitive behavior and neuroscience.
Join us. And see just how much you can accomplish when you let yourself go after it.

Do you have a question you'd like to have addressed on the podcast? Want to give us some feedback or suggestions? Click here to send us a text.

Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.

Ep 012: How to Stop Procrastinating Mar 21, 2021

Show notes

This week we're talking about procrastination.

Most of us procrastinate in certain areas of our life.

But if you do it on the regular in your career, it’s likely holding you back and that’s why I wanted to explore why we procrastinate, how it affects us and, more importantly, what we can do about it.

So, let’s dive in.

We all know that procrastination means “to put off doing something.”

But it’s also interesting to know that procrastination comes from the ancient Greek word “akrasia” which means “doing something against our better judgment.”

When we procrastinate in doing something, we know we’re not only avoiding the task, but that it’s probably not a great idea.

But we do it anyway.

And that's why procrastination does such a number on us, right?

Because when we do it, we not ONLY deal with the pain of not doing the thing we know we need to do, but we ALSO know that we procrastinated even though we KNEW it wasn’t a good idea.

That by doing so, it might cost us in some way.

So, if we know something might hurt us…why do we do it anyway?

Doing something we KNOW is going to have negative consequences isn’t logical.

So that means there must be a powerful hidden driver BEHIND the procrastination that’s making us do it.

So, what is that?

Well, in the simplest of terms, we procrastinate because of how we feel about doing the task we need to do.

As we’ve discussed in earlier episodes, everything we do (or don’t do in this case) comes from how we feel. The emotions we experience motivate our actions.

So, when we procrastinate, we’re likely feeling something like boredom, anxiety, insecurity, frustration, resentment, overwhelm or self-doubt. Things like that.

And most of us believe that we feel that way BECAUSE of that thing you need to do.

But that’s NOT the reason.

The reason you have those feelings like boredom, anxiety or overwhelm is because of what you’re THINKING about that thing you need to do.

And those emotions are what is causing you to take the IN-action of procrastination.

So, you are choosing to NOT do the task you think is causing you to feel those negative emotions because you are trying to DELAY having to experience those emotions.

And notice what you are probably doing INSTEAD of doing that thing.

Because usually It’s something SUPER indulgent.

Like maybe scrolling your social feed, bingeing on Netflix, browsing Amazon, going out with friends or whatever.

In my practice, we call this buffering.

Because it’s about doing things to soothe yourself or to avoid having to experience emotions that we don’t want to experience.

Listen to hear more.

Do you have a question you'd like to have addressed on the podcast? Want to give us some feedback or suggestions? Click here to send us a text.

Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.

Ep 011: How to Learn to Love (or at Least Roll With) Change Mar 13, 2021

Show notes

This week, I've been thinking about our careers and how we adapt to the unexpected things that happen to us.
Because the pace of change is only increasing and for the most part, learning to adapt to it is a journey we take on our own.

You know how it works.

Things are going along great. Everything’s clicking.

We like our job.

We’ve got our fun work colleagues.

We love our boss. The company. Our benefits.

And then boom.

Out of the blue, something happens and suddenly, everything changes.

Maybe our boss leaves. Or we get re-orged. Or laid off.

Suddenly, what was great is now uncertain.

We can feel out of control.

Or victimized. Or angry. Or scared.

And for the most part, navigating through that change is something we must do on our own.

Sure, some bosses may try to help. You might have some supportive colleagues or friends or a spouse who will lend an ear.

But coming to grips with change that you didn’t want or expect is up to you.

And I can show you how to work your way through it faster. So you go from dreading change to actually…love it.

So, let’s dive in.

As someone who’s long managed people in my career, I can recall other leaders talking about their employees and saying things like “so and so is just not that flexible” or “so and so is such a no person.”

I’ve never felt that way. Because early on in my career, I got exposed to a management consultant view of the philosophy behind how people process through change.

And it’s always fascinated me and once I understood it, I made the decision to always embrace it. I might not like it. I might initially feel the stab of uncertainty or panic if I sense it might impact me in a way I wasn’t expecting.

But my expectation of myself is that I am always proactive in exploring the possibility that change presents.
Check out the full episode now.

Do you have a question you'd like to have addressed on the podcast? Want to give us some feedback or suggestions? Click here to send us a text.

Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.

Ep 010: How to Flip On the Confidence Switch Mar 07, 2021

Show notes

Today we're going to talk about how to instantly shift from fear and self-doubt to unstoppable confidence.
Kind of like flipping on a light switch.
Most of us don’t think about it that way.

We think we just feel the way we feel about something – like a scary new opportunity that’s in front of us or like a job we’ve kind of lost interest in – and we think that thing is causing us to feel the way we feel.

That there’s nothing we can do about it.

That it just is what it is.

But that’s not true.

And that’s what I want to talk about today. Because Spring is coming and it’s a time of growth and renewal.

A time of possibilities for trying fresh new things.

But I’ve noticed that for many of my coaching clients, trying new things – thing they might not have tried before, might be fearful of or whatever – is really scary.

And many of them will do whatever it takes to avoid them.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can summon the courage or the confidence in an instant when we need to. I can show you how.

So, in honor of my dog Umbro and the new things that Spring might bring, I want to share with you a powerful tool I use in my coaching practice called “The Confidence Switch.”

Let’s dive in.

As we go through our careers, we’re going to be presented with new opportunities.

Promotions.

New jobs.

Starting a business.

And those new things will mean we have to show up in a way that’s new.

We must put ourselves out there in a new way.

Channel a part of ourselves that maybe we haven’t used before.

Or maybe we’ve tried in the past and it didn’t work so well.

So, when we’re faced with those things, some will muster the courage to try it. But most of us will struggle.

We might be excited about it. But dread it too.

We might obsess about it.

Worry about it.

Many of us might even decide to avoid it. To NOT do that new thing because it’s just too scary.

Have you ever said no to opportunity?

Have you ever had a burning desire to do something – maybe start a new business or go for that big new job – and then talked yourself out of it?

If so, why?

Have you ever really considered the reason you might say no to new things?

For most of us, it’s about fear of some kind.

Fear of judgment.

Fear of failure.

Even fear of success.

Notice how all those types of fear have one thing in common.

It’s about what others might think about you.

Probably also a bit about how YOU’LL think about you.

The issue here is that you’re letting your own fear, insecurity, self-doubt convince you that you’ll be judged. That you might fail.

So, you tell yourself it’s too dangerous a thing to try.

That you’re not up to the task.

That you should stay in the cave where it’s safe.

And listen, I get it.

As I’ve talked about before, I spent years – actually decades – of my career avoiding public speaking.

The thought of standing up on stage and having hundreds of pairs of eyes staring at me while I try to remember what I intended to say…it was just too much.

I had some early experiences in my career in front of smaller groups – say several dozen people – and let’s just say, I didn’t distinguish myself. Well, not in a good way anyway.

I look back on some of those early experiences and I cringe thinking about how bad I did.

The dry throa

Do you have a question you'd like to have addressed on the podcast? Want to give us some feedback or suggestions? Click here to send us a text.

Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.

Ep 009: The Dark Side of Wanting to Stay Safe (Inner Critic Series #4 of 4) Feb 28, 2021

Show notes

In the context of our personal lives, security is important to most of us. We want to know that our families and our loved ones are safe and free from danger. But very often, the need to be safe has the exact opposite effect when it comes to our careers – whether we’re on the corporate or entrepreneurial track or somewhere in between.

There’s a dark side of safety when it comes to our professional lives.

Why?

Because in the context of our careers, safety usually means we’re holding ourselves back.

We’re playing small.

Not living up to our fullest potential and likely, not allowing ourselves to realize our dreams and ambitions.

I know this has been true in my own life. Especially as it comes to starting this business. But it also played a smaller role in my corporate career when it came to one specific thing, which we’ll talk about in a minute.

This need for security is something I’ve seen so many of my colleagues and clients contend with.

And that’s why today, we’re going to talk about THE DARK SIDE OF SAFETY.

So, let’s dive in.

As you know, all month we’ve been talking about our Inner Critic – that persistent negative internal talk track that runs on a continual loop for most of us.

We learned in earlier episodes how our Inner Critic is not our enemy, but our misguided friend. So, it’s important to soothe it instead of fighting it or whatever.

And we learned that our critic uses negative motivation and false control to try to get us to do what it can to keep us protected.

Today we’re going to talk about the last – and I think the most problematic or pervasive – technique the Inner Critic uses, which is all about convincing us that if we put ourselves out there or go after a big new thing, it’ll BE…A…DISASTER.

For me, this played out in one prominent way throughout my corporate career, which was around speaking in front of large groups.

I just wouldn’t do it. Period.

So, whenever an invitation came, I invented a grand excuse to get out of it.

And I did it so often and for so long that honestly, I didn’t think anything about it.

I certainly never thought about how it might be holding me back.

It was quite the opposite.

Actually, it felt like a GREAT IDEA to say no. It felt smart.

And on the rare occasion when I DID accept an invitation, I would ALMOST IMMEDIATELY be overwhelmed with fear and self-doubt.

Why?

Because my Inner Critic had flipped on a talk track that told me I’d screw up.

That I would freeze or stumble over my words.

That I didn’t KNOW ENOUGH to be up on that stage, sharing my knowledge and experience.

Basically, that I just wasn’t GOOD ENOUGH.

So, when my Inner Critic told me those things, I believed it.

After all, that voice in our head feels wise, right? And listening to it feels like something we should do.

The things our Inner Critic tells us FEEL TRUE.

Not because they ARE true, but because the voice isn’t coming from outside us. It’s coming from INSIDE.

And there’s something about the Inside the House source of it that feels profound. Like something we should listen to.
Listen to the full episode to hear all the way our Inner Critic tries to undermine our belief in ourselves by convincing us that our stronger need is to stay safe.
And learn the four things to do to overcome it.

Do you have a question you'd like to have addressed on the podcast? Want to give us some feedback or suggestions? Click here to send us a text.

Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.

Ep 008: Having a False Sense of Control (Inner Critic Series #3 of 4) Feb 21, 2021

Show notes

Today we're going to talk about something I call False Control.

This happens when we mistakenly believe that if we do THIS then we’ll prevent or get THAT.

And it happens to be one of our inner critic’s favorite ways to torture us. As you know, all through February we’re looking at the various ways our Inner Critic tries to “help us” but of course, doesn’t REALLY help us.

And on this one, our critic is trying to convince us that if we just try a little harder or do a specific thing, we can make the situation turn out the way we want.

This is a good one because it comes up for so many of us in our career or life.

So, let’s dive in.

Control is a loaded word, right?

On the one hand, we all want to have control over our life – at least wherever we can, right?

I mean, like I was saying with my other Dallas friends from the North. They knew what sub-zero weather and ice meant. And they took every precaution to take the smart actions to protect themselves and their families.

And guess what?

The thing they didn’t want to happen, happened. And a week later, they STILL don’t have water.

So, when it comes to our career, this plays out all the time.

For those of us in corporate America, we’ll do everything we can to prepare for that meeting and still end up with an outcome we didn’t want.

Or we’ll go above and beyond all year, fully expecting to be first in line for that promotion, only to get passed over. Again.

And when this happens, our Inner Critic swings into high gear as our negative internal talk track starts tearing us apart, blaming our actions or lack of preparation or foresight for the reason the thing didn’t turn out.

As if we could have somehow gotten a completely different outcome if we had done things differently.

As if life or our career is EVER that predictable.

Now here, I’m not saying we shouldn’t look ahead and prepare and take actions we think will best position us for the outcome we want. We should.

What I AM saying is that we’re not in control of everything that happens. And it’s important to remember that SOMETIMES we can see around all the corners and identify all the smart actions and perform them with absolute perfection and STILL not get the outcome we want.

And listen, the “trying to take smart control” over our life and career makes sense. It positions us to get the things we want from our life. To achieve our goals.

The problem comes into play when things DON’T work out as we hoped – which, let’s face it, many times they don’t – and then we fall victim to this false narrative from our Inner Critic that somehow, it’s all our fault.

· We weren’t smart enough.

· We weren’t prepared enough.

· We weren’t good enough.

And so, it’s all our fault that we didn’t get the thing we wanted.

The problem with this is that sometimes, we actually BELIEVE IT.

And the danger of that is…

We stop having confidence in ourselves.

We stop trusting ourselves to do the things we need to do in order to get the things we want.

We stop believing in ourselves.

But the problem here is…it’s all a lie.

The truth is, we were NEVER in control. We ARE NEVER in control of the things that happen to us.

All we can do is bring our best to the situation.
Check out the full episode to learn more about False Control, the damage i

Do you have a question you'd like to have addressed on the podcast? Want to give us some feedback or suggestions? Click here to send us a text.

Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.

Ep 007: Understanding Negative Motivation (Inner Critic Series #2 of 4) Feb 14, 2021

Show notes

In last week’s episode, we talked about Soothing Your Inner Critic and I promised that all month, we’d explore the various ways our inner critic shows up and tries to stop us from stepping into the fullest version of ourselves.

So today, we’re going to talk about our Inner Critic from the perspective of motivation.

Specifically, we’re going to explore one of the inner critic’s favorite approaches, called Negative Motivation.

So, let’s dive in.

The word MOTIVATION is typically seen as a good thing.

But, like everything in life, there’s both a light and dark side of motivation.

There’s positive motivation which is all about moving TOWARDS PLEASURE.

Surprisingly, the anticipation of pleasure or reward is not as strong a motivator as the other side, which is NEGATIVE MOTIVATION.

This is all about the desire to AVOID PAIN.

And for most of us, this type of motivation is very compelling.

Few of us like to fail or experience pain or the negative consequences of NOT doing something we were supposed to do, so we will literally do almost anything to avoid that.

This is called negative motivation. The desire to avoid experiencing pain or failure.

We all experience this regularly in our job. For example, if our boss sets a deadline for that report. Or you have a monthly sales quota or whatever.

Most of us will pull out all the stops to do that thing.

And there’s nothing with that. This type of negative motivation spurs us on. It keeps us on task.

There’s nothing berating or nasty about it. We simply apply ourselves and get the job done so we can avoid the pain of NOT doing the thing.

But there’s a second version of negative motivation – one that is typically delivered by our inner critic.

This is negative motivation with a twist.

It has all the components of negative emotion – a compelling thing we must do, a sense of urgency, and a sense of consequences if we DON’T do it.

But when the inner critic gets involved, the negative emotion comes with a twist.

And this is when negative motivation moves from a simple and natural desire to accomplish something, so we avoid pain, to an internal tyrant that sucks the life force from us.

When I say it comes with a twist, here’s how it works.

The inner critic might say things like:

“You better get busy, or else.”

“If you make another mistake, it’ll be your last.”

“You shouldn’t have waited so long.”

“If you don’t hurry, it’ll be too late.”

Part of the inner critic’s negative motivation is helpful. It’s trying to get you to do something.

To move. To act.

The problem is that it adds a threat or an accusation to the sentence.

It’s the brain’s way of trying to get your attention.

To let you know that there’s a lot at stake and to make it happen, it’s going to take everything you’ve got. And that part is fine.

It’s the threat part that’s the issue.

Typically, because the voice is coming from “inside us” it knows our greatest fears and vulnerabilities, so it goes for the jugular to motivate us.

So, the threat strikes a chord.

It causes you to feel fearful or uncertain.

This means that every action you take to try to get that goal, comes from a feeling of fear. Anxiety.

And that is NEVER a good thing.
Take a listen to this week's episode to find out more about the Inner Critic's approach to Negative Motivation and what to d

Do you have a question you'd like to have addressed on the podcast? Want to give us some feedback or suggestions? Click here to send us a text.

Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.

Ep 006: How to Sooth Your Inner Critic (Inner Critic Series #1 of 4) Feb 07, 2021

Show notes

In my practice, I work with clients looking to either up-level their corporate career OR make the transition into entrepreneurship.

But a specialty area for me is helping people overcome feelings of self-doubt and uncertainty so they can do the things they want from a place of ease and confidence.

So, quieting the inner critic is key to that.

The inner critic is that negative internal voice that accuses and demeans and says super nasty things to us.

And that keeps us playing small or shrinking back from our dreams because our inner critic has convinced us we’re not enough.

So, in this episode, I wanted to talk about where the inner critic comes from. And why it does what it does.

Because I believe we can learn to sooth our inner critic by first understanding why it’s doing the things it does. After all, it’s an inner critic. It’s not external. It’s PART of you.

So there has to be a good reason it keeps doing what it’s doing. Let’s work to understand it.

To learn why it flares up.

And what we can do about it.

Sound good? Let’s dive in.

Let’s start with what triggers our inner critic.

Usually, it’s triggered by an event or an interaction that our brain classifies as disappointing, painful, or threatening.

And that makes our brain serve up a thought about that event or interaction that basically blames YOU. It tries to convince you that this threatening thing is happening or about to happen because of some defect you have:

- Lack of motivation

- Lack of intelligence

- Lack of skills

- Lack of likeability

- And the list goes on.

It’s our biggest accuser.

Your inner critic might say things like:

“I can’t believe you did that.”

“You’re so stupid / irresponsible / fill in the blank.”

“You can’t do it.”

“You are SUCH a loser.”

“It’s all your fault.”

“You just didn’t try hard enough.”

Most of us are well acquainted with that voice.

I know I am. For sure.

So we know it’s triggered by a potentially disappointing or threatening situation.

But why?

Well, it’s kind of like those scary movies I used to love in junior high.

The enemy is coming from INSIDE the house.

Your inner critic isn’t coming from outside.

You can’t shut down contact.

You can’t label it as toxic and stay away.

It’s there inside your brain.

It’s ALWAYS there.

So, if it’s going to be your constant companion, best to try to understand it. Maybe even make friends with it. And most certainly, to learn how to soothe it.

So it can calm down. And stop trying to scare you to death.

But more on that later.

First, let’s look at WHY your inner critic does its thing. Because once you know that, you might actually start to feel a little compassion for it.

It comes down to three reasons.

Do you have a question you'd like to have addressed on the podcast? Want to give us some feedback or suggestions? Click here to send us a text.

Follow us on Instagram @thepurposefulcareer.
Learn more about Next Level, our monthly membership at https://www.thepurposefulcareer.com/nextlevel.