The Joyful Mourning - A Podcast for Women Who Have Experienced Pregnancy or Infant Loss

Latest Episodes:

087 Understanding Grief After Baby Loss with Counselor Libby Marler Jul 17, 2020

Show notes

If you have experienced the loss of a baby or know and love someone who has experienced the loss of a baby this episode is an absolute must-listen. Libby Marler is my guest this week; she is a trained counselor who specializes in women's issues including maternal mental health, parenting, grief and loss, as well as anxiety issues.

Libby became passionate about providing counseling and support for women after she navigated the death of her own daughter due to a life-limiting diagnosis.

In this episode Libby shares with us a general overview of what someone who has experienced the loss of a baby can expect in regards to grief. For many of us, the loss of our baby was the first time we have experienced a significant loss close to us, we are unfamiliar with the grieving process and we are trying to discern what's normal, what isn't, what is expected of us, when should we seek outside help -- basically all the things and in this episode Libby breaks it all down for us. She shares invaluable expertise regarding baby loss and grief, including helpful steps to take to process through your grief in a way that is not burdensome or weighty but instead, very freeing.

If you have ever wondered if what you are feeling and thinking amidst grief is normal or if you have ever asked yourself 'Am I showing enough emotion? Am I showing too much emotion?' or 'Shouldn't I be farther along by now?" this episode is for you. Libby offers wisdom that I am sure will encourage you in your grief today.

I created a helpful guide called Understanding Grief to go along this episode that breaks down much of what Libby talked about in today's episode. This guide includes an explanation of bereavement trauma, aspects of trauma in regards to baby loss, what are normal feelings of grief, what are normal physical responses to grief, ways to process your loss, thoughts about when to seek professional help and several helpful journal prompts.

I think this guide will be incredibly helpful to you in your grief journey.

To download your free pdf guide head to www.themorning.com/griefguide.

Thank you for being here and tuning in. I pray this episode and that free resource I just mentioned reminds you that you are not alone in your grief and there is hope to be had, even in the mourning.

SHOW NOTES: www.themorning.com/blog/episode087

UNDERSTANDING GRIEF GUIDE: www.themorning.com/griefguide

JOIN THE COMMUNITY: www.themorning.com/community

086 Life-Limiting Diagnosis, Purpose in the Pain, & Infant Loss in the African Culture with Lola Igunbor Jul 07, 2020

Show notes

This episode is sure to inspire you and strengthen your faith -- at least it did in me. Listen in as I chat with my new friend Lola who shares the story of her son Elijah. At Lola's routine anatomy scan, the doctors gave these first time parents the news that their son had a life-threatening heart condition making it very unlikely that he would make it to term or be delivered alive. Against all odds, Elijah would be born and would live for weeks. He would get to meet his mama and daddy and many family members and friends.

Lola's story is not unlike many of you listening. Lola's story is not that different from my own. And yet, her faith is vastly different. Making me pause and reflect and think about the truth that she shared during our time together -- that we can hope, that we can have joy, even in the mourning, despite all of our circumstances. She talks to me honestly about what her pregnancy with Elijah was like and her lack of fear is nothing short of a miracle and reminds me that God is able to bring supernatural peace that we cannot fully understand even into the darkest of places. Even when we receive the worst of news. Even when our world feels shaken. He can bring peace. Lola shares with me what she wish others knew about life after infant loss, what pregnancy after loss was like for her -- again, her story even in this is remarkable and incredibly encouraging.

Lola also shares what she has learned about infant loss within the African culture and what she would like to see happen within that community in regards to baby loss. We talk about our spiritual walks and how there can be purpose in the pain, how her son Elijah's life changed her forever.

Lola's faith is contagious and I am incredibly grateful for her story.

If this is your first time joining us and this faith that Lola is talking about feels foreign or shaken I would love to invite you to download a free 7 day devotional that will encourage your heart and remind you of hope -- maybe for the first time. You can download that free resource by going to www.themorning.com, you can find it linked under the Resources tab.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY www.themorning.com/community

SHOW NOTESwww.themorning.com/blog/episode086

085 Navigating a Life-Limiting Diagnosis with the Founder of Carrying to Term Stephanie Schoonover Jul 03, 2020

Show notes

Listen in as I chat with Stephanie Schoonover. Stephanie was given a life-limiting diagnosis for her daughter Grace at a routine 12-week ultrasound. In this episode Stephanie shares with us what it was like to continue her pregnancy and make the most of the time she did have with her daughter. Stephanie also shares all about how she prepared for Grace's birth and what she wish others understood about what its like to receive a life-limiting diagnosis for your baby.

Stephanie shares with us her experience of joy while carrying her daughter Grace but also how the resources to help a family in this situation were lacking. As a result Stephanie founded the non-profit Carrying To Term and tells us all about that amazing organization in this episode.

If you or someone you know have received a prenatal life-limiting diagnosis, this is a must-listen episode. Like always, this episode is both practically helpful and honestly hopeful. I pray that no matter what brought you here today, this episode would serve as a reminder that you are never, ever alone in this journey and that you are more loved than you could ever imagine.

Stephanie's story has so much hope to offer and I pray that it blesses you today.

If this is your first time joining us and you have been given a life-limiting diagnosis for your baby, I want to say, I am so incredibly sorry. I want to also tell you that while you probably feel very alone right now, you are not alone. I would love to invite you to join our free online community where you can find other moms just like you who have walked or are walking now a similar journey. You can join us by heading to themorning.com/community. Also, we have created a lengthy list of resources just for you and you can access all of those by heading to themorning.com/lifelimitingdiagnosis. Thats, themorning.com/lifelimitingdiagnosis. I am grateful you are here and I pray that this episode and those resources I just mentioned will be an enormous blessing and help to you in this season and the season to come.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

www.themorning.com/community

SHOW NOTES

www.themorning.com/blog

084 Life Limiting Diagnosis and Carrying to Term with Kristin Ironside Jun 26, 2020

Show notes

Listen in as I chat with Kristin Ironside, a mama who endured the heartbreaking journey of knowing the baby she carried would most likely not live more than a few hours.

Kristin's daughter, Annabelle was diagnosed with unilateral renal agenesis and unilateral multi cystic dysplastic kidney -- basically at her 18 week anatomy scan, Kristin learned that her daughter's kidneys were not functioning properly and without properly functioning kidneys in the womb her little body could not produce amniotic fluid necessary for lung development. Non functioning kidneys and lungs would be lethal to her baby girl.

Baby Annabelle could continue growing as a healthy baby in her womb, but they would need to prepare themselves for a stillborn or a life of "minutes to hours."

In our time together Kristin shares what it was like to receive a diagnosis like that, one of incomprehensible heartbreak, and what it was like to carry Annabelle for another 15 weeks knowing she would not bring her home after she was born.

Kristin shares very helpful and practical advice about how to prepare for a birth in a circumstance such as this but more than even practical advice she shares hope. She says "it is possible to have joy through it all." and "one day you will get on the other side and you will get to say yeah i did make it and let me tell you how good God was through it all." She gives such a hope-filled reminder as we are wrapping up when she says "God will give you the grace for all those moments that feel impossible now."

This episode is both practically helpful and honestly hopeful. I pray that no matter what brought you here today, this episode would serve as a reminder that you are never, ever alone in this journey and that you are more loved than you could ever imagine.

I am grateful you are here and I pray that this episode and those resources I just mentioned will be an enormous blessing and help to you in this season and the season to come.

SHOWNOTES: www.themorning.com/blog/episode084

COMMUNITY: www.themorning.com/community

083 7 Things Your Husband Wants You to Know About His Grief with Ashlee Proffitt Jun 19, 2020

Show notes

As we approach Father's Day in just a few days I thought, what better way to honor dads than by giving them a voice. So since this podcast is primarily for grieving women, I thought it might be helpful to interview a few trusted men I know and ask them to tell me what they would want their wife to know about their grief. I'm going to share their answers with you in this special Father's Day episode -- an episode for the women, that we might better understand our husbands and their grief, especially as we celebrate them this weekend.

P.S. If you are listening as a friend or family member of someone grieving the loss of a baby -- this episode will really help you to love and support a grieving dad, who unfortunately is often overlooked.

I want to thank Aaron, Tim & Michael for helping me create this episode. I'm so grateful for your honesty and transparency about what it's like to be a grieving father.

Thank you for tuning in today friend. I pray this episode reminds you, in a special way, that you aren't alone in your grief. While your spouse or partner may grieve differently than you or not show their grief in the ways that make sense to you, they are grieving. And I pray that that truth brings you comfort today.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

www.themorning.com/community

SHOW NOTES

www.themorning.com/blog/episode083

082 Anxiety, PTSD & PPD after Miscarriages & Infant Loss with Lynnelle Peters Jun 12, 2020

Show notes

This week's guest on the podcast is Lynnelle Peters. Listen in as we talk about so many things surrounding pregnancy and infant loss. Lynnelle shares her story of motherhood that includes the joy of healthy, living babies and the heartache of 2 miscarriages, 14 months of infertility and the late term loss of her son River.

We talk about many things but maybe the most important thing we discuss is Lynnelle's experience with anxiety, ptsd and postpartum depression -- much of what she shares in regard to this topic she is bravely sharing publicly for the first time in the hopes of bringing awareness to mental health.

She begs listeners who may be experiencing some of what she is talking about to get help. She says: "Please, please don't isolate yourself. I have walked that road and it is not healthy in any way. There is help and there is hope. You don't need to be afraid. Even if you feel afraid. There is so much hope ahead for you and you are a good, good mom."

This topic is one of the last things we talk about and because I think it is so important, I want to encourage you to listen all the way to the end or if you are short on time, skip a bit ahead to around the 50 minute mark.

I am so grateful for Lynnelle bravely sharing her story. I pray that it reminds you that you are not alone. And that it's ok to seek out help. There is absolutely no shame. In the shownotes for this episode I will be including several resources for seeking out help -- you can find the shownotes by going to themorning.com/blog/episode082

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

www.themorning.com/community

SHOW NOTES

www.themorning.com/blog/episode082

081 Returning to Work After Baby Loss with Rebecca Hennessy May 28, 2020

Show notes

As our country begins to open up and people begin to head back to the workplace I thought it would be helpful to continue this conversation about heading back to work after the loss of a baby. In this episode I am talking with Rebecca Hennessy about her experience returning to full time work just 1 week after experiencing premature labor and losing her daughter at 18 weeks. Rebecca is incredibly honest and tender in this episode as we talk about why she chose to go back to work when she did, the challenges she faced, the triggers she experienced, and how she told her coworkers. She also gives helpful thoughts about how to prepare to head back to work, what she would have done differently and how to love a mom you work with who is grieving.

No matter your story, and whether you plan to return to work outside of the home in the near future or ever, the rawness and tenderness of this episode is sure to remind you that you are not alone in this grief journey.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

www.themorning.com/community

SHOW NOTES

www.themorning.com/blog/episode081

080 Marriage After Miscarriage & Infant Loss with Aaron and Ashlee Proffitt May 20, 2020

Show notes

Today is my 15th wedding anniversary and I get the privilege of interviewing my husband for this episode. Our marriage has been marked by loss, beginning all the way back to our first wedding anniversary when I began miscarrying our first baby and then just a few years later when our nearly 6 week old baby died in his sleep. As we embark on year 15 together we thought it would be helpful to talk about what it has looked like for us to navigate marriage while grieving the loss of a baby.

Listen in as we talk about the challenges we faced, the mistakes we made, what we would have done differently and the encouragement we give to newly grieving parents.

QUESTIONS WE ANSWER (OR TRY TO ANSWER) DURING THIS EPISODE

What does grieving together look like 10+ years in as it compares to the early years?
What do you think is the most challenging aspect of navigating the marriage relationship amidst loss and grief? How have those challenges changed over the years?
What wisdom or advice would you give a newly grieving couple about how to practically navigate those challenges?
How was our grief different from one another?
Did you have any fears or worries towards me and my grief? What would you say to a husband who may be feeling worried or fearful towards their wife?
Counseling: What did our counseling journey look like? Did we get counseling, together or separate and if so, was that helpful? A community member said: My husband and I are wrestling through that now, but he is very unsure and nervous.
Pregnancy After Loss: How did we navigate the decision to try and get pregnant again?
Pregnancy After Loss: How did you both cope and support each other in your pregnancies after loss?
Important Dates: What have you learned about to best handle important dates? What does communication look like?
Important Dates: What advice would you give to another couple just starting out in regards to important dates like due dates, birthdays, anniversaries of the day baby died?
Friends & Family: How would you encourage friends and family (those who love a grieving mom and dad) to love and support a grieving couple?

SHOW NOTES: www.themorning.com/blog/episode080

COMMUNITY: www.themorning.com/community

079 Returning to Work After Infant Loss with Ashley Daugherty May 14, 2020

Show notes

Back in March we had started the conversation about what it looked like to return to work after experiencing the loss of a baby. As our country begins to open up and people begin to head back to the workplace I thought it would be helpful to bring this conversation back. We know that amidst deep grief and such significant loss you are no longer the same but the work is the same and the expectations may be the same and the daily interactions are probably the same. So how do you do it? How do you prepare for this difficult moment? How do you face coworkers when you don't want to talk about what has happened or when you do want to talk about what has happened? What do you do when you feel like your mental capacity is significantly less than before? What do you do when you feel incapable of performing at the level you previously performed at? In this series of episodes we are discussing all these types of questions. Addressing the challenges of going back to work, how to prepare mentally and emotionally, and even the benefits of going back to work.

In today's episode I am talking with Ashley Daugherty about her experience returning to full time work just 6 weeks after losing her son Boston as a result of premature labor. She shares honestly about what was especially hard in the transition back and what she would do differently in the hopes of helping to prepare those of you listening who are getting ready to go back to work. She talks about the value of seeking out counseling and how she wishes she had done that sooner than she did. She talks about the value of talking with your leaders and having them help you game plan your transition back. She talks about the benefits she experienced as a result of going back to work and of course we talk about how to a grieving mom in the workplace. And my favorite part of the episode is when she says: "This is going to be so hard. But you are strong. Even though you don't feel strong. You can do this."

Ashley is gentle and honest and gives such helpful and hope-filled wisdom in this episode; I am certain that this interview will remind all grieving mamas that they are not alone in this grief journey.

JOIN THE COMMUNITY

www.themorning.com/community

SHOW NOTES

www.themorning.com/blog/episode078

SPECIAL EPISODE: Happy Mother's Day to the Grieving Mother May 10, 2020

Show notes

Happy Mother's Day

Your mothering may look different than those around you or what you ever imagined it would be. But this day is for you too.

Today I acknowledge you who are hurting this year. "I see you. I have not forgotten. God has not forgotten. YOU are not forgotten."

To the woman looking at yet another negative pregnancy test; I see you.

To the woman holding only a memory of a heartbeat, I see you.

To the woman staring at a gravestone, I see you.

I see your bravery every time you smile and every time you get out of bed and every time you hold a baby that isn't yours and every time you give the honest answer about how many children you have. I see your sacrifice when you show up to church or to work or to your best friend's baby shower even though it hurts like hell.

I see your selflessness when you put another's needs above your own, even when your heart is breaking.

I see your compassion when you weep over another's story of loss and heartache.

I see your faith when you praise the God who could have stopped this pain.

I see you. And I am so grateful for your example.

Your example has changed me.

www.themorning.com/mothersday