The Jayson Gaddis Podcast

Latest Episodes:

SC 58 - How To Say I'm Sorry Like A Pro Jun 29, 2016

Show notes

Saying “I’m sorry” is one way to try to repair after a relationship challenge, but it’s exceptionally limited. Not learning a new way to repair is like driving your car without tires. It works and can even get you places, but you’ll go so much further if you learn this one. Roll up your sleeves as I have a good challenge for you in this episode.

SHOWNOTES

Why regular apologies are weak. [9:00]
What you need to do instead of just saying “I’m sorry.” [13:45]
A perspective that will empower you when you’re triggered by your partner. [16:00]
The secret to apologizing like a pro. [17:30]
Jayson’s challenge to the listener. [21:30]

SC 57 - How Do I Know When It's Too Hard? Jun 22, 2016

Show notes

Relationships get hard. But how do you know when hard is too freakin’ hard? And, what do you do about it? In this episode my wife and I explore a very common complaint about long-term relationships, especially after the initial honeymoon phase wears off. Are you making your relationship hard or are you making it easy? Believe it or not, you are in the driver’s seat on this.

SHOWNOTES

How do you know when your relationship is too hard? [5:30]
The decision Jayson made that was crucial to his relationship. [15:00]
Does Ellen ever feel that motherhood is too hard? [17:00]
The perspective that matters most in a relationship [18:45]
How to work through conflict in a relationship? [20:15]
What about working through conflict on your own, without your partner or community? [22:30]
Why it’s not wise to “pick your battles”? [26:45]
Leave your comment in Monogamy and The Smart Couple Facebook Group

SC 56 - 100% Responsibility Vs When To Leave The Relationship & Other Relationship Questions Jun 15, 2016

Show notes

Your relationship questions are answered in this episode. We cover a lot of ground. One theme is how to deal with “value” differences in an intimate relationship. This one is really good because it can tear a relationship apart trying to fit each other into your respective boxes of how you prefer they be.

SHOWNOTES

How long to wait for your partner to blend your families and get married? [7:15]
How can partners adapt in a relationship when one partner has a chronic illness? [11:45]
Why do men lie? [14:00]
What’s the reason our relationship improves when my man hangs out with this guy friends? [17:30]
How to tell your guy about erectile dysfunction without making it worse? [20:00]
What skills are best to use when you’re highly triggered and avoid an argument? [21:45]
How to keep childhood issues from breaking up your relationship? [23:45]
How do you know when to take 100% responsibility and when to leave a partner who is not willing to do the work? [26:00]
What if your ex is creating challenges for me to blend families with my new partner? [30:00]
When you have different values, what’s the best way to deal with that? [33:30]
Does it make sense to avoid dating men whose taxi light isn’t on, like Miranda said in Sex & The City?
What about when partners have opposite views on how to handle money in a relationship? [40:45]
Long-distance relationships: how do I get my man to show me that he’s emotionally ready to commit? [42:45]
What should a woman do with her kids when their dad just walks out? [44:15]
How to deal with a man who is emotionally unavailable? [46:45]
Leave your comment in Monogamy and The Smart Couple Facebook Group

SC 55 - The Purpose Of Relationship Pain Jun 08, 2016

Show notes

Relationship pain has a very clear purpose. If you are hip to it, you’ll thrive in relationships. If you are uneducated here, you’ll run away and play the victim. Direct and to the point, I suggest a very important daily practice for you to strengthen your mindset about long-term partnership. Pain hurts indeed. And, what if pain was your ally in disguise?

SHOWNOTES

Your only two choices you have about your relationship pain [4:30]
What is one of the harshest versions of relational pain [6:00]
The first thing to NOT do when in relationship pain. [11:00]
The good news about pain and stress [15:45]
What happens when you just bounce from relationship to relationship. [17:00]
The link between your emotional pain and your numbing habits. [21:45]
What makes someone really unattractive. [25:00]

Relationship Pain Daily Practice

I have two choices with my relationship pain:

1. Use it to make me weaker by whining, complaining, and blaming others (or myself).
2. Use it to make me stronger by seeing it as my ally to master the lesson it’s bringing me.

It’s 100% of the time up to me to choose.

SC 54 - The Class You Never Got In School Jun 01, 2016

Show notes

One of the most fundamental skills we need to navigate life’s challenges is not formally taught to us. We learn through the school of hard knocks and most of us get some pretty big scars. These scars don’t heal unless you use the very best methods to become stronger. Join me here as I invite you into something very special. Something that could impact us well beyond our life.

SHOWNOTES

The flawed thinking behind simply wanting a great relationship. [3:00]
What could have benefited Jayson had he taken a relationship class as a kid. [4:00]
How wanting to be liked is impacting children’s integrity with themselves. [5:45]
Jayson’s puts his stake in the ground. [9:15]
The big flaw in the current school system. [11:00]
Jayson’s bold invitation. [12:30]

SC 53 - How To Feel Safe & Secure With Your Partner with Stan Tatkin May 26, 2016

Show notes

Do attachment principles actually work in adult relationships? How can secure functioning assist you and your partner into greater safety and openness in your marriage? In this episode I talk with Stan Tatkin, couple therapist, and adult attachment guru. I’ve been studying this guy for the past 2 years through my wife. He’s making a very important contribution, backed by brain science, with the neuro psychobiological approach to how adults to long-term relationship successfully. Get ready to “parent” your partner! Yikes! I learned a lot here and am eager to share his work with you.

SHOWNOTES

How did Stan get into becoming a therapist? [5:45]
What is “secure functioning”? [13:00]
How is secure functioning different than “co-dependency”? [21:45]
What does a co-dependent dynamic look like in real life? [22:30]
Are we re-parenting ourselves with our chosen partners? [28:00]
What is a “master regulator” in a relationship? How to tell if that’s you. [31:30]
How to avoid choosing a partner who is not a good fit for a secure functioning model? [32:30]
When dating, here’s one thing you MUST do. [35:00]
What is the allostatic load and how does it impact both your body and relationships? [38:00]
The antidote to when a relationship goes on auto-pilot. [47:00]
Island, Anchor, Wave and why they matter in your relationship. [48:00]
The myth of “you need to love yourself first before you can love someone else”. [52:00]
Does your therapist also need to be in a thriving partnership [55:00]
Why does Stan say that “dating lasts forever”? [56:30]
Stan’s big tip on how couples can stimulate their marriage on a daily basis [58:00]

SC 52 - Marriage After Kids, Are You Doomed? May 18, 2016

Show notes

Does having children ruin your marriage? The stats are against most of you who get married and choose children. But why is this, and what can you and your spouse do about it? Find out this and so much more as Jayson & Ellen use their own story as another example of what’s possible during the hardest of times.

SHOWNOTES

A powerful definition of a mature person. [2:20]
The gloomy article on parenting that got Ellen and Jayson fired up. [6:15]
The negative view of marriage. [7:50]
How women are impacted after having a baby. [9:20]
The defining moment that Ellen remembers, but Jayson blocked out. [11:30]
The biggest factor that will impact your overall happiness in life [17:30]
What Ellen said to Jayson that hit him in the gut like a truck and woke him up big time. [21:45]
Ellen shares what Jayson does consistently that helps her show up more fully in their marriage and their family. [24:45]
An important perspective that can help you deliver your truth more effectively. [28:00]

SC 51- Use The Power Of Community To Improve Your Marriage May 11, 2016

Show notes

Do you have any friends in your life that lovingly challenge you? If not, you’re missing out on big growth that could help your primary partnership.

SHOWNOTES

Why loneliness can literally kill you. [2:30]
The trap of only relying on your partner for support. [7:02]
How you can speed up the learning in your relationship. [9:45]
A great way to kill your sex life with your partner. [11:00]
When it might be a good time to get new friends. [12:30]
The first person who told Jayson he was full of shit (and why he loved it) [15:45]
How to skillfully use judgment to help your friends [17:30]
How to show up more powerfully when visiting your family. [20:55]
Jayson’s invitation. [27:10]

SC 50 - How & Why My Wife And I Chose Marriage May 04, 2016

Show notes

In this episode, I bring on my better half, my wife to rock it out with me. We had fun exploring the early stages of our relationship and what had us “choose” each other. There are some funny and not so funny shares in this one. I’m grateful Ellen is joining us here and here’s to more to come from the two of us.

SHOWNOTES

How did Jayson and Ellen first meet? [9:07]
What you must learn about your partner before you decide to spend your life together. [14:30]
What had Ellen ask Jayson out? [15:05]
Shitty advice Jayson got from a therapist and an astrologer. [18:45]
How did Jayson overcome his “grass is always greener” pattern? [24:40]
One of Jayson’s best accomplishments of his life. [28:00]
The simple yet powerful distinction that Ellen did that allowed Jayson to choose to commit. [30:15]
How do you know if your partner is “The One”? [33:45]
A huge thing that must happen before you should even consider marriage. [35:00]
Jayson’s challenge to the listener, both for those in a relationship and single. [43:15]

SC 49 - How To Deal With Value Differences Apr 28, 2016

Show notes

In this episode, a listener asks about making your partner wrong and how to deal with them when you have very differing values. It’s a common challenge that some couples “wake up” to after being together a few years. And, it’s super tricky if you have kids and need to find common ground.

SHOWNOTES

The difference between making a partner wrong to avoid intimacy and doing it because of different values? [1:37]
How to parent when your parenting values are different? [3:40]
What you must learn about your partner before you decide to spend your life together. [5:10]

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