The Jayson Gaddis Podcast

Latest Episodes:

SC 68 - Your Relationship Q's - Anger, Jealousy, Depression, Honesty, Premature Ejaculation & More Sep 07, 2016

Show notes

It’s really normal to experience jealousy, depression, anger, intense attraction and so much more when you find yourself in a good relationship. Our relationships trigger the deepest of human emotions and experiences. In this episode, I answer some fun, very painful, and challenging questions from you the listener. Notice how all of these questions may bring up stuff from your past or present relationship and see if you can find the nugget in each question that you can learn something from.

SHOWNOTES

What’s really happening when someone says “you make me feel X”. [6:45]
Is it a mistake to stay with my husband who is a functioning alcoholic? [9:30]
How to deal with premature ejaculation after you’re married? [12:15]
One factor that will guarantee your relationship is doomed. [15:30]
How to get your boyfriend to talk more when all he wants is occasional texting? [16:30]
Can a guy be emotionally mature if he doesn’t like to talk about his feelings five months into a relationship? [18:15]
When a partner struggles with depression, how do deal with a big transition when moving to a new country? [21:45]
A partner goes MIA after his mother dies, does this mean the relationship over? [25:45]
Is there a limit to being too open and honest with your partner? [30:30]
Jealousy when your boyfriend has a lot of interaction with other women on Facebook? [34:00]
The best way to eliminate anger? [37:00]
Best approach for a couple that is going to be long-distance for two years? [40:30]
Personality disorders and loving yourself? [42:45]
How to regain trust when a partner refuses to open up? [47:15]
Jayson’s action step for the listener. [50:00]

SC 67 - 3 Steps To Become More Resilient Before, During & After A Fight with Rick Hanson Aug 31, 2016

Show notes

It is possible to rewire your brain in relationships and build inner strength. In fact, if you don’t work toward this, you’ll be in trouble down the road when the allostatic load catches up to you later in life. In this episode I interview Dr. Rick Hanson. He’s a passionate expert on mindfulness, the brain, neuroscience and relationships. We geek out on the intricacies of the brain but he also brings some very practical tools and insights on how we can improve our relationships by using the natural genius of our mind. Lots of notes to take on this one! Hang in there. It can get dense.

SHOWNOTES

Why Jayson was anti-marriage until age 34 [2:00]
How did Dr. Hanson get so passionate about brain science and relationships? [11:00]
A Native American story about love and hate [13:00]
Why is so difficult for couples to work their shit out? [17:30]
What are two lessons from the wiring of our ancestors’ nervous systems? [19:30]
Two practices to rewire your brain to build your inner psychological strength [22:00]
How to stop the negativity train of our mind when we’re already triggered [25:00]
Tips for developing ourselves before we get into a fight with our partners [32:30]
What happens in our brains when we are triggered by our partner? [46:00]
How being chronically frustrated, lonely, let down, disconnected impacts the brain and body. [51:30]
The ratio between positive interactions and negative interactions [60:00]
A 10-day challenge to the listener on how to radically shift the dynamic in your relationship. [65:00]

SC 66 - Fault vs Responsibility Aug 24, 2016

Show notes

Maureen writes “I’ve really lost interest in your work since you said on your webinar that if you get cheated on it’s your fault.” Thanks Maureen for prompting this episode because so many people get “fault” confused with “responsibility.” This episode sets it straight. I clear up what it means to choose to be a victim and to choose to be empowered. Even when someone does something “to you.” After you listen, please share your feedback in The Smart Couple Facebook Group.

Also check out the blog post on the same subject here.

SHOWNOTES

Why people love and hate meditation. [3:30]
The difference between fault and responsibility. [6:15]
The best way to get back into the driver’s seat of your own empowerment. [9:30]
How to not get cheated on again. [10:15]
The difference between the victim and the empowered person. [12:00]
Jayson’s challenge for the listener. [19:30]

SC 65 - Laser Coaching On Infidelity, Trust, & Blended Families Aug 17, 2016

Show notes

Chris and Billy Jo are two podcast listeners who won a chance to be interviewed and laser coached by me on the podcast. As you listen, pay close attention to their dynamic, their openness to feedback and most importantly a commitment to growing individually and as a couple. If you got value from this episode format, please share your feedback in The Smart Couple Facebook Group and I’ll do more!

SHOWNOTES

How did Chris & Billiejo meet and how long have they been together? [8:00]
When did they know it was the right time to tell the kids about their relationship? [11:15]
Their advice for couples on how to introduce your kids to your new dating partner? [13:30]
How has The Smart Couple Podcast helped Chris & Billiejo in their relationship? [15:30]
The big lesson that Billiejo learned from a big fight with Chris [19:00]
Jayson gives his laser coaching on how to move beyond their repeating patterns. [20:15]
The best reframe to heal from blame and resentment with an ex. [24:00]
What to do to move beyond infidelity. [28:30]
Jayson gives an action step to heal and process blame. [34:00]

SC 64 - Tracking & Parenting Your Partner With Ellen Boeder Aug 10, 2016

Show notes

Codependency gets a bad rap. Parenting your partner? Who wants be married to their mom or dad? But there’s more to the story here. And lots of gold if you’re willing to reframe and play the “attachment” game in your primary relationship. My wife Ellen joins me again with her attachment knowledge and personal experience on how to track and parent your partner. We give some personal examples from our marriage as well.

SHOWNOTES

Why do people freak out when they hear the idea of “parenting your partner” or “co-dependency”? [13:30]
What is attachment in a relationship? [18:00]
The huge benefit of using the lens of attachment in a relationship. [20:30]
What does it mean to parent your partner? [21:45]
Track my partner? What does that even mean? [23:45]
The “secure home base” and how it can be a great barometer of the relationship. [25:30]
The physiological cost of not giving attention to your primary relationship. [27:45]
3 action steps you can take today to improve your relationship. [29:30]
Jayson’s action step for the listener. [36:30]
Leave your comments in Monogamy and The Smart Couple Facebook Group

SC 63 - The Cost Of Stress In Your Primary Relationships with Dr. Gabor Maté Aug 03, 2016

Show notes

Most of us have no idea how damaging relational stress can be. In this episode, legendary medical doctor and psycho-physio-spiritual trailblazer Dr. Gabor Maté brings some very grounded, practical examples of how relationship stress can impact our lives. The result of stress can be seen throughout the web of our life and it’s up to us to learn how to relate and attach well to our fellow humans. I love how this man turns such complicated topics into common sense. If you want a deeper cut about your marriage, children, or any stressful relationship, this episode is a must listen.

SHOWNOTES

Why we’re evolutionarily wired to get high off of the honeymoon phase of a new relationship. [2:30]
What happens when Gabor’s wife forgets to pick him up at the airport. [13:30]
How our partners are perfectly suited to help us grow. [15:35]
What happened in Gabor’s childhood that makes his wife a perfect match for him now. [18:00]
The long-term cost of not dealing with stress. [20:00]
How parents can be compromised by raising their children. [22:30]
The link between our relationship health and our physical and mental health. [24:30]
What’s the best way to deal with our own relational and attachment issues? [34:00]
Why relational healing modalities are so effective. [38:00]
What we can learn from pygmy cultures about parenting and relationships. [40:30]
How relationship can most effectively be taught to children. [42:00]
The effect of Facebook and Internet on kids. [46:00]
Jayson gives an action step [50:30]

SC 62 - 5 Steps To Calm Down Fast During A Fight Jul 27, 2016

Show notes

Fighting, arguing, and disagreeing are essential in a relationship, But it’s critical to know how. Here’s a short episode to help you understand how to calm down so you don’t do or say something you’ll later regret.

SHOWNOTES

Why Jayson doesn’t recommend long-term relationship for everyone. [1:45]
Why do some couples that use one single email account? Share your thoughts in the private Facebook group [6:15]
The likely reason you struggle with conflict in your relationship. [9:30]
What defines a fight? [15:00]
The 5 steps [15:45]
You must have this ingredient whenever you do a “time-out” during a fight. [17:30]
The sure-fire recipe for divorce and breakups. [24:00]
Jayson’s two powerful action steps for this episode. [28:00]

SC 61 - Listener Questions & My Direct Answers Jul 20, 2016

Show notes

In this Q&A episode, there were so many great questions. See the show notes below for a detailed line-up.

SHOWNOTES

How can I train myself to not go to an extreme dark place when I’m triggered by my partner? [4:30]
A tool for calming yourself down. [6:00]
What’s the best way to balance individual freedom in a relationship to avoid power struggles? [6:45]
How to know when to stay in a relationship and when to leave? [9:30]
Why is my husband not desiring me and initiating physical intimacy and passion? [11:45]
My boyfriend surfs porn, a LOT. Is this normal? Should I break up with him? [17:30]
Should I move back in with my ex? How do I know if he’s forgiving me? [22:00]
My partner says he’s not sure if he still has feelings for his ex. What should I do? [25:00]
My old boyfriend and I have been dating on and off for eight years, currently off for a year. What’s the best way to get back together? [27:45]
The best way to date someone with a mental illness? When do you know if the struggle is too much if they’re not doing the work to get better? [29:45]
Someone challenges Jayson on saying “I’m sorry.” [32:15]
How do I get my boyfriend to communicate more often and more openly? [34:15]
What’s the best way to apply your communication tools with children? Is it the same as with a romantic partner? [35:15]
What do you think about when someone says “I’m sorry you feel that way”? [38:15]
Should our partner be our “best friend”? [39:30]
How do I navigate my fear of enmeshment with my partner’s fear of abandonment? [40:15]
Jayson’s powerful action step for this episode. [43:00]

SC 60 - Keys To Mastering Relationships & Life With Dr. John Demartini Jul 13, 2016

Show notes

Did I interview Yoda or just world renowned human behavior specialist Dr. John Demartini? Okay, buckle your seat belt for this one and be prepared to have some of your paradigms twisted and your feathers ruffled. I could have grilled this guy for hours, but I kept it to one hour to respect his time. Be sure to listen to this one twice and take notes. From no one being committed to you, to the fact that everyone is dishonest, I’m sure this episode will confront and serve you in many helpful ways. Enjoy!

SHOWNOTES

The one statement Dr. Demartini said that rocked Jayson’s world. [7:45]
How infatuation is an insight to ourselves. [10:30]
Dr. Demartini’s relationship status? [11:30]
Do long-distance relationships work? [12:30]
How to be true to yourself in relationships. [15:45]
Dr. Demartini’s date with a 95 year-old lady. [23:00]
How our values powerfully influence our lives. [24:45]
What about when two partners have opposite values? [27:00]
What’s the link between health, stress and values? [32:30]
What happens if we run from challenge? [35:00]
How to deal with someone who is lying to you. [43:15]
What about sexual polarity and passion in relationships? [45:15]
Is quantum entanglement a real phenomenon? [49:00]
Why do we tend to attract partners who mimic our parents? [55:45]
If you’ve been hurt in a relationship, do you need to heal through relationship? [58:30]

SC 59 - How To Create Healthy Expectations In Your Relationship Jul 06, 2016

Show notes

There are two kinds of expectations in a long-term relationship. Knowing the difference can help you sink or swim in your partnership. See if you can get honest about your expectations of yourself and your partner in this episode.

SHOWNOTES

The two kinds of expectations [5:45]
Why laying a trip on someone doesn’t work in a partnership [9:30]
Why trying to force someone to change never works. [11:45]
Monogamy as an example of how to set an expectation. [13:45]
Jayson’s challenge to the listener. [17:15]

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