This is a podcast for Christian women like you to come take a breather from all the things they need to be doing for their families. Let’s hit the pause button, clear the noise, and shift our focus back on God so that you can find the grace & truth you need to do the work He has for you today.
#007: Beauty From Brokenness with Dana Marie: Seeing God's Glory Through Trials & Sufferings
Sep 11, 2017
Show notes
Maggie: Hey hey welcome back to the Indwelt Women Podcast. Today we have a very very special guest with us. She is a singer-songwriter; she's speaker and a faith-based blogger.I found her on Instagram a while ago and I was immediately drawn to her not just because of her talent in music but also there's a common theme in her music and that is Jesus.That is so attractive to me because you don't find that every day and so I am so excited to have her on today and she's going to share her story about how God redeemed her and how God showed her the love and the grace He has for her. Without further ado, please welcome Miss Dana Marie.Dana: Thank you so much! I'm so happy to be here!Maggie: I'm so excited! For those of us that may not be familiar with you, can you tell about a little bit more about yourself, like where did you grow up, etc?Dana: Yeah! I grew up in Chicago Illinois, just north of the city and I've been living in Nashville for last year and 1/2 almost 2 years. I'm really back and forth between Chicago and Nashville since my home base for my music is in Nashville.I was in the Greek Orthodox Church when I was growing up and I was kind of between that and the Catholic Church. I always felt like God was really just pursuing me my whole life and it wasn't actually until about a year and a half ago that I really feel like I met the Lord and make Him my Lord and Savior which was such a turning point in my life.You know, I had this context of religion in my background but I wasn't really looking at Him in that way. But really opening up the Bible and Him coming alive in my life has changed everything.It was kind of a crazy experience. But other than that, just as an intro, I know we can talk about that later. But, yeah, I'm a singer-songwriter and I also speak about the story that God has placed in my life so that He can make Himself known.And I like to write. I like to blog and I'm working on a book and a few extra things behind the scenes are going on.So I guess it's kind of like a collage of a person, there's not really one thing that defines me as I'm sure you'd understand.Maggie: I mean, God is not boring so He's not gonna make our lives boring. So, can you tell me a little bit more about when you're growing up - you mentioned how you grew up in a Greek Orthodox and also a Catholic home. That is such an interesting mix. Did you grow up learning about Bible stories? Were you interested in this at all?Dana: Absolutely! So we grew up, I don't know if any of your listeners have a context where they're coming from that's sort of like a very religious background.Maggie: I think it's a hodgepodge of everything. I didn't grow up in a Christian home so...Dana: Okay, so you get it! So yeah, it was like... I mean it's hard to explain unless you've been there but it's almost like you're using these Bible stories but the priest is sort of in charge of it. It's what it seemed like and it wasn't really urged or encouraged for us to read the Bible. It was like "oh that's cool if you do it" but it wasn't something that was like really placed upon our lives, so it was just interesting because I always was like, okay well if I'm a good person if I'm kind and loving towards my neighbors then.that shows God in my life.And you know, of course, our kindness shows God but that's not what we're saved by, right? It's all about him and I feel like I didn't have that knowledge or that context base growing up in a religious community. It was almost like Jesus was the flavor of spirituality whereas now... I like to say to people when I am trying to describe this experience that He always was a huge part of my life, like I went to Catholic schools and did youth ministry in my Catholic Church but He never had my life if that makes sense? He wasn't the Lord of my life.Maggie: So you were kind of just living life but He was not your Lord and Savior.Dana: Exactly. I thought He was but not until I really opened up the Bible and read and understood what he did in the context of it and was honestly I think that the Holy Spirit had to come into my heart and just give me that passion to read and really brought the Word alive in my life and that's what I kind of met him for the first time when I thought I knew Him my whole life. It was amazing. It really changed everything.Maggie: So, just from reading your story on your website, I understand that there are quite a few years of trials and sufferings that really changed your view of Jesus. Can you share a little bit more about that?Dana: Absolutely! So I've got a kinda crazy story, I guess. It starts off with being diagnosed with Crohn's disease when I was nine. It was pretty well managed my whole life until when I was about 17 years old.I had my first boyfriend and, you know, up until this point and during this point I was very driven to save myself for marriage - as most Christian girls are - it was a big value in my life and I was just a little bit naïve about boys and trust and all that and I ended up being date raped by my first boyfriend and so this was obviously a really scary time and just a lot of shame came up in my life at this time.I hid it from everyone; I blamed myself. And then about a year later - still keeping it all in - I experienced the same thing as a freshman in college. At this point I was just completely torn up and it's funny because I think date rape is different in the way that you are not being approached by some stranger in a dark alley. It's someone that you know and trust and so honestly I really took it all on myself and didn't see where God was at that time in my life to be honest and I didn't have that context of him as my Lord at that time so it was very dark and so, unfortunately, a few months after that second attack I attempted to take my life and so this is a very dark time. Thankfully, it did not work obviously I'm still here.I had really amazing support from my family and friends. I like to look back on that time and see that the Lord was pursuing me towards him and His love through His body which was the hands and feet of my family and friends. So after that, I was just working on the healing process there and I'm kind of... when you get to a point a few years after something like that happens and you're kind of just like, "okay, I can function. I'm still here. I'm alive." So you just go on.A couple years after that my body really started to give out and it became really really bad. Long story short, I had to have my colon removed. When they remove your colon, you're left with a permanent ostomy bag. So I had an ileostomy which is this bag that's gonna be with me for the rest of my life that's on my stomach and that's how I have to empty my bodily waste. When I was going through it at the time, I thought it was gonna be really disgusting and now, you know, years later it's okay but that time it was just so heavy. It was such a weight and I was just like, "Why is all this happening? why am I going through all this? What is the point?"I like to tell the story about being in the hospital that night and having the surgeon come in and just telling me that I have to live with us for the rest of my life. As a 24-year-old I was like, "You've got to be kidding me. This is not happening. Hasn't enough already happened?! Don't I get something out of life now that I've already survived this other hard stuff." So I was totally going through that kind of emotional issue.He left the room and I was kind of just left to myself. Around four in the morning, I was just in and out of sobbing and all of a sudden I just really felt like the Lord was with me and He just asked m, "Dana, what are you so afraid of? What is the biggest fear here?"And I just told Him, you know, I realized the thing I'm most afraid of is to lose my ability to love and be loved.At that moment it was like this lightning bolt and He was just like, "Well, you're never gonna lose that because you're never gonna lose me."That was when I kind of had my experience like Paul when he was in prison where he's like shackles on and shackles off. I was like holy cow, this is the best news ever. I can lose any part of my life but I'm never going to lose him.It's funny because this was before I even knew Him completely as my Lord and Savior. I just knew that He was all I needed so it was like He was planting theses seeds in my life and showing me that He was truly all I needed and it was almost like I didn't even know how to explain it. But I knew He was all I needed and years later I found out why.So yeah, He really just set me on this path of being able to look at my pain and see what he was making of it. It was like this beautiful mosaic that he could create out of the pieces.Maggie: Can you tell us more about when you were going through the attacks and depression. At the point where was God - I know He wasn't your Lord and Savior at that point but you knew about Him - so where was He in your journey? How did you try to cope with everything that was happening?Dana: Honestly, it was sort of a blur at this point but I know that having my friends and my family here was huge. I think that there's something to be said for vulnerability and you can see it in Jesus as our Lord. He was so vulnerable and so strong. His ability to allow Himself to be put on the cross, that is such vulnerability. When I look at that, I was like, "okay, if I can be vulnerable and I can be wounded, that's actually where our strength comes from."I actually started to become more involved in my church's youth ministry at the time and started to share my story. In sharing it I found it really help other women who have gone through something similar but maybe didn't open up about it.Helping other people to feel that weight off their shoulders was really a blessing to me at that time and I feel like God gave me that to see how much just being vulnerable and giving away what our deepest shame is and opening up about it really is our freedom.I think that was really what helped me at that time. Again it was like these seeds are planted for me now knowing Him.Maggie: So when you were in the hospital, that was when God really spoke to you. What happened after that? Did you have a period of time where you were still processing things or was it like immediately, "Yes, Jesus is the one that I need."?Dana: So, it was interesting. At that time I was like, okay, well, the context that I had was that I'm going to make something beautiful of this brokenness.And so from there that's when I started to share my story and I started blogging about having an ostomy and being sick and not necessarily in a religious context. It was not actually until I moved to Nashville when I was away from my friends and my family. It was just me and God. It was such a good time for me to just get away to myself and really seek out what I felt He had for me. So I ended up at this church in Nashville; it was a biblically-based church. It was just a really beautiful place and I started going.It was funny because I would go to the Catholic mass on Sunday and then I would go to this church later. Because I felt like I had to have mass there was such an amount of guilt and shame. Catholic guilt is so real, girl.So I felt like I had to have my foot kinda still in the mass while I was exploring this Jesus who was so alive today.It was so funny because I would do both like every Sunday and then all of a sudden it was like what am I doing here? I just became more convicted over time and I realized that I was really more concerned my whole life by being religious. It was all about me. So I had to repent of all that and realize, my gosh, I never knew you. I didn't know who you were but you've been there all along. It was just so cool to see, looking back, it was that moment when I was like, oh my gosh, you are my Lord. You're my savior. I had to really unclench my fist and be like, okay, it's all about you; it's not about me. It's not about how good I am. It's not about how kind I am or about how service oriented I am. But it's all about you. And that was such a huge shift and so it was just a crazy moment and really beautiful though.Maggie: So, when did you start your musical journey because I know that you're using the gifts and talents that God has given you and you're singing for him - which I love - so can you tell us more about what made you start this journey?Dana: Absolutely! So all of this is sort of intertwined together. But I have been involved in music like my whole life. I used to dance to musicals and all the choirs when I was little through high school and college. After I graduated from college, I was like, okay it's time to grow up now. Music is cute but what's that gonna do, right? So I really left it to the way side.And you know when I was sick I was really just trying to explore different ways to find some joy and creativity to distract me from having the heaviness of the situation.So I turned back to music and I started taking guitar lessons and all of a sudden these songs just started pouring out of me. I don't know if you're a country music fan but I love country and that is kind of what started to pour out. I love country because... well, it's funny because when I was little I hated it. But these songs would come out of me that were really storytelling songs and they sounded a lot more like country. So anyway I started playing and singing around Chicago in different open mic nights and different performances that I started getting hired for.And then I entered into this contest through a radio station here and I ended up getting into the top 3 and I got to open for Jenna Kramer, she's one of my favorite country artists so that was such an honor and super exciting.So after that it really opened up my realm of possibilities. I was like, oh my gosh, maybe I can do something with this. So that's when I made the executive decision to move down to Nashville.Before I moved down there, it was crazy how this band just got together and they helped me to form a band and we are playing down on Broadway which is the downtown of Nashville. So that's what I was doing full time in Nashville for the first 6,7 months.At the same time that is when I was having this is one-foot-in-the-Catholic-Church-and-one-foot-in-the-Belonging, which is the church that I went to.It was so funny because I think Jesus needed to take me down to Nashville and rid me of myself so that He could come in and clean my heart and make it for Him.When I was convicted of who He was in my life, I actually stopped music altogether for about another six months. I would do a little here and there, I would do some recording but I stopped because I was like, "if this is not for you then who's it for?" and I realized my own selfishness and pride in that. It was just a really humbling time.I'm so grateful for that though because if I didn't go to Nashville to chase that dream, I wouldn't have met Him.It was so cool because I had this period of going anonymous and in that time of getting into the Word and getting to know Him, really opening myself to the Lord, "I don't care what you have me do in this life as long as it's what you want. If you wanna use this gift that I have with music, that's awesome. If not, that's awesome, too." because nothing is worth it without Him. It's cool because over time I do feel this is s…
#006: What is Your BUT GOD... Story?
Sep 07, 2017
Show notes
Do you see your trials and sufferings as an opportunity to let God shine?
I wanna talk to you about suffering today. We're not gonna just talk about suffering, we're gonna look beyond how we've suffered and we're going to see how God's been at work.
Scripture says we will face trials and sufferings.
Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds
— James 1:2
It's not a matter of "if" we face trials but a matter of "when".
My question for you is: when you face trials, do you recognize how God shows up mightily?
I wanna encourage you to look beyond your sufferings and see how God's been at work.
I want you to tell me your story of "I went through this hardship, BUT GOD... "?
I grew up in the metropolitan city of Hong Kong. It's a place where a lot of emphases is put on academic success. If you don't do well in school, you're considered a loser.
When I was in 5th grade, my teachers decided that I needed some extra time to catch up on schoolwork so they made me repeat 5th grade.
They said they saw hope in me and wanted to give me another chance.
They had good intentions but in my head, I didn't see hope.
I was thinking, "I AM A FAILURE! I'm a LOSER! My classmates are going to look at me and think I'm a loser!"
I was devastated.
But here's what I didn't know at the time about this little trial I faced: my devastation isn't where my story ends. There's a BUT GOD component in it
I was devastated BUT GOD had a purpose in my repeating school year.
If I hadn't spent an extra year in 5th grade, I wouldn't have met one of my best friends in middle school because she would've been a year behind me.
If I hadn't met her, she wouldn't have given me her Bible when I left home for college.
I wasn't a believer at the time. But I kept it.
A few years later, the Lord opened m eyes to see Him and I finally saw my need for Jesus.
And this friend, this sweet friend who was (and still is) a faithful follower of Jesus became one of my greatest encouragers in my walk with God.
I wouldn't have met her if I didn't fall behind for a year in school.
My pride might have been deflated when I repeated 5th grade. BUT GOD had another purpose in it.
I went to college in Iowa in 2009 where I met some of the most influential people in my life.
I met Emma, who prayed for my salvation when I wasn't even seeking the Lord.
Then the Lord started to draw me in during that first semester at Iowa and Emma was there for my many spiritual questions.
I remember asking her about heaven and hell - who gets to go to heaven and who goes to hell.
Emma also introduced me to Grant, who was to become my husband, the love of my life.
Shortly after meeting Grant, he introduced me to Chelsy. Chelsy is not only my best friend, she's my mentor, my discipler; she was the one who answered my spiritual questions for 3 hours the night I gave my life to Jesus.
All of these wonderful people I wouldn't have met had I not spent an extra year in school back in elementary school.
Showered in His Faithfulness
This is not where my BUT GOD... story ended, there's more.
After we graduated and got married, my brother came and lived with us because he was going to college in town.
After a year of staying with us, he decided he would give his life to Jesus!
And then, fast forward a year, we were expecting our firstborn.
My parents were going to come here to visit - to spend time with us, to help us with the baby and to spend time with their first grandchild.
At the time, my parents were not believers and so we were praying for their salvation, we were trying to live out the Gospel and to really point them to Jesus.
Three months went by and they returned home. But while they were here, I noticed a health decline in my dad.
He was having trouble with his G.I. system. He would go to the bathroom a lot; he wasn't eating very well. He had lost a lot of weight.
His health declined even more so after they returned home.
He was in a lot of pain. My mom tried to get him to see the doctor but he was very stubborn, until one day he was in so much pain that my mom just took him to the hospital.
There, at the hospital, was when they found out he had colon cancer.
It was devastating. I never wanted my dad to have cancer.
After I heard the news, I was thinking, "my dad is not a believer, I don't know what's gonna happen with this cancer. I don't know if he's gonna survive or if he's gonna die. He needs Jesus right now."
Even after receiving the diagnosis, my dad was still very stubborn. He didn't want to go through treatment because he was afraid. He feared the cruel treatment that cancer would bring.
One day, we had a video chat while he was still in the hospital.
I said, "Dad, you can't just lay there and not fight. You have to fight. You have to take treatment. God made you a warrior. He didn't make you to just sit there and give up."
By God's grace, he agreed to receive treatment.
You see, even though my dad was afraid, God was at work during his treatment.
Just a few weeks after our conversation, I received a text from my mom and she said, "your dad and I have decided to give our lives to Jesus."
I was like, "what?!?!"
I kept reading the text over and over again because I was like, "Did this really just happen?!?!"
I was so excited. I was like, "God. Wow. Thank you!! Did this really just happen?!?! Is this for real? God, You know his heart. Is this for real?!?!"
After my dad accepted Christ, he kept going with the treatment. It went well in the beginning, his body responded to it pretty well. He would gain weight and he was in pretty good spirit.
He actually wrote out Psalms - the song of Psalms - as he was going through treatment.
How amazing is that?!
Even though he was suffering, he chose to fix his eyes on God. He chose to write out His Word so that he would be thinking about His Word.
Even though cancer took his life in March 2016, there was beauty in his suffering.
For years, I had prayed for his salvation. I would pray, "God, don't let him die without accepting Jesus."
And God totally answered that.
Even though he suffered, even though he had cancer, God opened his eyes to see Him so that he would see his need for Jesus, so that he would say "YES!" to God!
How faithful is God!
How much He just wants us.
When it comes to my dad passing, I have a bittersweet feeling about it.
I mean, I never wanted my dad to have cancer. I never want him to go through that but there is joy and hope because God saw him and God took care of him.
God welcomed him into His kingdom with open arms.
It does make me sad that my dad isn't here to watch his grandkids grow up; he's not here to spoil them and play with them and all that... BUT GOD!!
This is his but God story. God redeemed his soul.
Even though cancer took his life - his body I should say - his soul is in heaven forever praising Jesus... how amazing is that?!
Where is God in YOUR STORY?
Did you know that the phrase "But God" appeared in the Bible over 3000 times?
In this life, we will face trials and sufferings but God will not leave us in the valley. God has a purpose for our sufferings; He can and will make beauty out of the ashes.
What is YOUR But God story, my friend?
What is your story of God showing up mightily in your life? How has He been faithful? How has He been your strong tower? How did He bring you out of the desert?
Trials are hard. But your story doesn't end with your trials and sufferings. Your hardship is just the beginning of a beautiful story of God's grace and redemption.
Will you take a moment and remember how God showed up in big ways? Remember His faithfulness and tell people about it. Give Him the credit He deserves. Give Him the glory!
If you'd like to share your BUT GOD story, please comment below or email me at maggie@everleighcompany.com. I'd love to hear your story, or, even share it with all the women at Indwelt Women.
Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas
#005: Fueling Your Soul with His Rest
Sep 04, 2017
Show notes
I am excited to talk to you today! Just to forewarn you, I have my 1-year-old playing in the background, he decided to get up about 1.5 hours earlier than he usually does. But he's currently playing contently in the background, so we'll see what happens. If you hear a little one making noises in the background, that's him :)
Today I want to talk to you about motherhood and weariness and how there's no clocking out in the motherhood. But there is hope, there is rest we can find in Christ.
I know this is something that gets talked about often but a lot of times we forget about it so I want to bring us back to the Word of God and find that rest from Him.
So let's backtrack a little. Before I had kids, I would hear moms say motherhood is the hardest job they'd ever had. At the time I didn't understand it, I was like, "Okay... So... What's so hard about it?!"
And now, after having two kids, I understand it now. I see it.
My boys are 19 months old. The oldest one is 2.5 right now, so I'm really in the midst of the little years. I get why it's hard, I get why it's so draining.
Let me tell you one of the first things I learned about motherhood, which is how I'm always on call.
In my previous day job, every day I would clock in and clock out. There was a definite start time and end time. When 3:30 hit, I'd clock out and peace out.
But in motherhood, there is no such thing as clocking out.
I'm always a mom. I'm always working, and that is incredibly draining.
When I first became a mom, I idolized my baby's sleep because I wanted a break from taking care of a baby.
My first born was not a very good sleeper. He would wake up every 2-3 hours, this would go on for months. He was also not a very good napper, a lot of times he would take a 20-minute nap and called it good.
I kept trying different sleep training methods but none of them worked.
They say babies usually sleep through most of the night by 3-4 months. Well. Not my baby.
He didn't do that till he was much older. He actually didn't sleep through the night until he was one.
So I was sleep-deprived. I was desperate for a chance to just clock out. I wanted to take a break so I idolized making him sleep for as long as possible. (Well, I tried making him sleep for as long as possible. It usually didn't work... haha)
In the middle of the night when he would wake up again, I would pray that he would go back to sleep. Now, don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong about praying for your child to get sleep.
My problem was my heart motivation.
I wanted him to sleep so I could sleep.
My prayer was self-motivated.
And, also, if my husband did anything that woke the child, I would get really bitter towards my husband.
By God's grace, He opened my eyes to see what I was doing.
God revealed to me that I was looking for rest in the wrong place.
My baby sleeping, while that will give me a little break, it shouldn't be my ultimate rest.
In fact, there was a plenty of nights when my son went back to sleep but I ended up staring at the ceiling. I couldn't go back to sleep.
Even though my son went back to sleep, I wasn't getting the rest that I was hoping for, that I was longing for.
I think what God was showing me was that my rest wasn't supposed to be dependant upon my son. It was supposed to be the God of rest.
Do you see yourself in my story? Do you see yourself longing for rest in the wrong places?
When I finally let go of my hope of rest in my son, that was when my nights would go a lot better.
I was still sleep-deprived, but God filled me with His rest.
A rest that was more satisfying than a long nap. A rest that carried me through the long year of segmented sleep.
I'm sharing my story with you because you can probably relate if you have little ones at home.
You're weary, you're drained. You just want to clock out - I am right there with you.
But let me encourage you to dwell in the presence of the God of rest.
Instead of trying to get more sleep and more me-time, I want you to go to God.
Let Him fuel your soul with His rest.
His rest is going to be way more satisfying than a spa night.
Now, just to put a disclaimer out there: please don't hear me say that it's bad to want sleep, or it's bad to want some time to yourself. That is not at all what I'm saying. I'm all for self-care, I'm all for getting time to yourself.
The thing is, I want you to check your heart to see where you're ultimately finding rest from.
Is it true rest that will fuel your soul? Or is it temporary rest that feeds your body for a little while but leaves your soul longing for more.
How to be Filled with His Rest
So what does it mean to be filled with His rest?
There are 2 things I would do. One is to dwell in His Word and pray.
One of my favorite passages to come back to time and time again when I'm weary is Psalm 23:2
He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside still waters.
— Psalm 23:2
I love this verse.
Right before this verse, it talks about how the Lord is my shepherd and I shall not want.
I want you to picture a shepherd. What does a shepherd do? A shepherd takes care of his herd, his sheep. He makes sure that they don't get lost from the crowd, that they are fed, that they are nourished.
This verse that says how he makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside still waters - that shows me that he is my shepherd, he seeks out green pastures before I would need it so that he can lead me to this green pasture.
And it's not just a patch of land.
It's green pastures so it's nice and comfy, it's not a desert. It's nice and comfy for you to just rest on and lay on.
And it's green which means that there's grass.
So he seeks out a patch of land with rest and nourishment that he can use to feed me. That is such a great picture of a shepherd going before me, providing for me what I need before I even realize my need, and he gives me rest and gives me food and he makes me lie down in it.
I love this picture.
The second part of this verse says: he leads me beside still waters.
This is another picture of how he provides for me, how he gives me the rest and the peace that I need.
It's still water that he leads me to.
Again, he seeks out where that water is going to be, he then gives me water because I need water to survive. And it's not water that will sweep me away, it's still water that I can bathe in and drink from. I don't have to fear for my own life that I will get swept away. It's nice and still and it's peaceful. I love it.
My question for you is: will you trust in Him that He can lead you to this green pasture that you can just lie down and rest and be fed?
Will you trust in Him that He will lead you to this still water that you can just drink from?
My second verse that I like to dwell in when I'm tired, weary and burdened is Matthew 11:28-30.
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy-ladened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
— Matthew 11:28-30
I love this picture of my Heavenly Father providing me the rest that I need.
I wanna focus on the word "yoke"; it's a word that I used to gloss over because I didn't really understand it.
But if we really dig into the meaning of the word, and what Jesus meant when He said it, I think we can really see how we can find rest in Christ.
So this was back in the time when Pharisees were imposing strict laws regarding the law, THE law.
So there was a lot of religious restrictions and rules that people had to stick by.
But here Jesus is saying, you who keep working, you who are weary and heavy-ladened from trying to keep up with all these Pharisees' laws, "Come to me and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me. For I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
The word "yoke" in the Old Testament refers to... kind of like a choker for oxen to attach the plow to, so the oxen can pull it in the field.
Or, it's a metaphor for slaves, for severe bondage.
Jesus is saying that all these strict rules and laws that the Pharisees had imposed, these almost create a severe bondage that people were in.
But if we learn from Christ, if we take His law, which is God's law, which is full of grace, then we know His yoke is easy and the burden will be lightened.
Isn't that a great picture for us moms?
Especially in this age, I feel like there are so many unspoken rules for us moms. The culture says we have to be really conscious about what we do as moms: we have to give our kids organic stuff, or they have to be breastfed, or they cannot be on the iPad for a long time.
There is so much pressure put on moms to be the "perfect mom"; we have to abide to all these standards in order to be accepted by the culture, to be seen as a good mom, to be approved by the culture.
But, seriously, God does not require you to give your child organic snacks, or everything homemade.
God wants you to be a mom who loves your kids with His love. He wants you to display the Gospel with how you love your family, with how you take care of the family. He wants you to be the ambassador of Christ.
He's not looking for you to be this culturally-accepted mom; He wants you to be the ambassador of Christ, to embody the grace and truth that He has so abundantly given to you.
Will you respond to His call to take His yoke?
Because His yoke is a lot easier than the yoke you're carrying right now.
His burden is so much lighter than the burden of getting approval from the world.
You are accepted in God's eyes. You are His heir given the great task of motherhood - the great calling of motherhood.
Will you lay down your burden and follow Him to the green pastures that He has prepared for you? That He has sought out for you in advance?
Will you trust in Him and follow Him to this still water that He wants you to find nourishment from?
I'm praying for you today, friend, that you will go to Him and lay down your burden, lay down your weariness and experience the kind of rest that He wants you to have, the kind of rest that He can provide for you because He is your Heavenly Father.
Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas
#004: 10 Questions to Study Your Husband
Aug 31, 2017
Show notes
Today we're going to talk about something fun - we're going to talk about 10 questions you can use to study your husband.
Before we get into the 10 questions, let's talk about why it's important to study your husband.
A short quick answer is that when you got married, your husband didn't come with a study manual.
But in all seriousness, we're called to love and respect our husbands, and how are we supposed to do that if we don't know our husbands?
You might be thinking, "what do you mean I don't know my husband? Of course, I know him. I married him!"
Yes, you know your husband in regards to the big core values that he believes in. You know that he likes to sleep on this side of the bed, you know that he likes his coffee this way.
What I'm talking about today is the little things that can change according to the seasons of life you're in; the little things that can change because of how he sees things differently now; how, because of the experiences that God has given him, it has changed his perspective in life.
So these are the questions that would be good to ask your husband every year... maybe every couple years, because life has changed.
So in that sense, when we know our husbands inside out according to the seasons of life we're in, we will be better equipped to love and respect our husbands.
I'm going to give you 10 questions you can ask your husband today, to study him, to get to know him better in this season of life so you can nurture your marriage, grow your marriage and love him better.
Let's dig in.
By the way, this might be an episode that you want to pop your headphones in if you have little ones around you or you might wanna wait until nap time because there might be some material that you don't want little ears to hear.
Question #1: Have I been encouraging to you when you needed it the most? If so, what did I do? If not, what could I have done to lift you up?
Here's why this question is important: we each have our own ways of feeling loved and encouraged - that specific way may not be how our husbands feel encouraged.
A lot of times we do things to people that are natural to us.
What I mean by that is: if I feel encouraged by words, by words of affirmation, then it's really natural for me to write cards to other people, to write letters to other people or to send text messages of encouragement to other people.
The thing is if you apply that in your marriage, that may not be received as well as you intend it to be. Because your husband may not see words of affirmation as encouraging as you do. You know what I mean?
I'm not saying that words of affirmation are bad. I'm saying your husband may not find words of affirmation as encouraging as you do.
That is why I have this question for you: "Have I been encouraging to you when you needed it the most?"
I want you to find what your husband finds the most encouraging because it might be different than what you find the most encouraging. You might think you've been encouraging your husband all this time, but he may not actually be receiving it as fully as you intend it to be.
And this is also a good time to figure out - if you don't know it yet - figure out your husband's love language. Because that is going to help you find out how you can love your husband better.
There's a quiz on their website; both you and your husband can take the quiz and find out your different love languages.
Because a lot of times you have different ones. For me, my top ones are quality time and physical touch. For my husband, it's words of affirmation and physical touch. So kinda the same but a little different.
Question #2: What do you wish I would do more often? Pray for you? Pray with you? Speak the truth to you?
This kind of goes along with what I just talked about with encouraging your husband.
This will help us find out if what we've been doing hasn't been as effective as we want it to be.
This is also a good time to find out if we talk a little too much, or maybe we try to correct our husbands too much, maybe we try to fix the problem, fix our husbands, too much.
I also want to make a note: these questions are deep questions. They're not the every day "oh, how's the weather" kind of question.
So before you ask your husband these questions, I want you to spend some time in prayer. I want you to ask God to prepare your heart because some of these questions facilitate such an open conversation you might hear something you didn't want to hear, you might find out something that makes you go, "Oh?! Is that what you think?!"
I don't want you to feel offended. I want you to go into the conversation with an open heart, with a heart that is humble, willing to learn and willing to change if that is what it calls for. So I just wanted to throw it out there.
Question #3: Is there anything you'd like our kitchen to have in stock at all times?
This is a fun question.
I'm sure you've heard of how people say "the stomach is the way to a man's heart" - I find that to be really true, having been married for five years.
So my husband does physical labor. A lot of times after a long day at work, it will be nice for him to come home and relax with a bottle of beer.
He's not saying he needs it in stock at all times. It would just be nice sometimes if he's had a long day, that he can just relax with a bottle of beer.
This is a fun question to ask because a lot of times I am the one who goes grocery shopping, and you know, because I'm the one who goes grocery shopping, I'm getting what I like. A lot of times I forget about what he likes.
So it's a good reminder to know what he wants, what he likes to have in the kitchen that he can just grab whenever he comes home from work.
Questions #4: Do I own any undergarments that you wish I'd get rid of?
This is a fun one, I think, just to get a sense of what he likes and what he doesn't like when it comes to undergarments.
Because I'm pretty sure you want him to think you're sexy, right?
And sometimes we might be holding on to some undergarments that he doesn't find attractive.
So this question would be great for figuring out what he likes and what he doesn't like.
Questions #5: Are there any undergarments you wish I'd own or wear more often?
This is kind of the same with the previous question to figure out what he doesn't like that you already own and what he wants you to wear more often that you already own, or, something new that he wants you to have.
Question #6: What is important to you in creating a restful home?
This question has been very beneficial to me when it comes to our home.
Grant and I grew up in very different homes in a sense that his home was always very tidy and organized; and for me, uh, it was very... eclectic...? Haha. It was not tidy at all.
So even though our house now may not be super, super messy, in Grant's mind, it is messy because he grew up in a more tidy home. It may not even bother me at all because this is how I grew up.
But this is our home now. This is our new home after we have become one and so I want to create a home that Grant can come home to and relax. It'll be a safe haven for him.
One way to create that is to make it relaxing for him so that when he comes home, he can really take a breather, he can really breathe out, recharge and get ready for the next day.
So when you ask him, ask him what are the 3 most important requirements when it comes to creating a restful home.
This is also going to help you as a homemaker because you can get so overwhelmed by all the things you need to do to run a home, right?
But if you just focus on the top 3, especially for the days when you just can't get anything done, if you just do those 3 things, you know you've got your husband covered.
He will at least find it somewhat relaxing because you've covered his 3 most important areas.
For my household, the 3 most important areas are the kitchen sink, the dining table, and the bedroom.
Those areas I try to keep clean, tidy and organized as much as possible especially right before my husband comes through the door.
I have found this really helpful to me as a homemaker because I am not constantly overwhelmed by having every little corner of the house cleaned and tidy.
Question #7: Describe what hospitality look like to you
This is an important question because you are two people living under the same roof; you're two people likely coming from different house/family environment growing up.
For myself, my home was a very much closed home. We almost never had any guests over.
But for Grant, his family had an open door policy. Anyone can just drop by. They always had lots of people over so he's totally used to that.
So when we first got married, we came to an agreement: Okay, how often are we going to have guests over. How often are we going to have people over for meals; how often are we gonna have game nights.
Because what we don't want is for someone to not be comfortable with how often you have guests over and then get burned out. So this question would be great for you to find out what that rhythm looks like for your family based on your own personalities and how you grew up.
Also, keep in mind what Gospel community looks like to you. What does Gospel hospitality look like to you?
God is very hospitable. He has a home - a room - for us in heaven.
So keep this mind and figure out how you can model after God and also stay true to how He's made you, how He's wired you so you don't get burned out, so you don't get a bad taste in your mouth about hospitality.
Question #8: Are you happy with our date nights lately?
Date nights involve two people. But sometimes it's easy to do things that just make one person happy and kind of neglect the other person.
This question would be a good reflection on how you guys are doing with date nights, to see if you tend to do things that only one person of the relationship likes.
Question #9: Do you want to share the duty of planning date nights?
This is an area I need to improve upon because I get the false sense that because he's the guy he needs to do all the planning for date nights. That is wrong. That can put a lot of pressure on him.
Just because he's the leader doesn't mean that he has to do all the planning.
As a wife, I can help share the load if I help plan date nights sometimes.
Question #10: How can I be praying for you right now?
As hard as it is for us to accept it, we are selfish people.
We do think about ourselves more than we think about others.
This question will help us put our focus back on God and put our spouses above ourselves.
This will help us focus on how we can serve our husbands better, how we can love on them better, how we can respect them better.
So I really encourage you to ask him right now. Text him, call him, whatever.
Ask him the question "how can I be praying for you right now?".
Spend a couple minutes in prayer.
I encourage you to do this regularly, maybe once a day, that would be perfect haha! Maybe once a week. Make it a regular part of your life. This is going to bless your marriage a lot.
You, as his wife, are very powerful; when you lift him up in prayers, it makes the prayer even more powerful. So, go ask him, right now.
These are the 10 questions you can ask your husband to study him today. But, hey, if you want to study your husband even more, why stop there, right?
I have a resource for you that is FREE, that you can download, you can print it off. So that you can keep asking your husband questions to grow your marriage, to nurture your marriage.
These questions would be great for date nights, too, because these will open up honest and deeper conversations than just "how's your day?" "good."
They are also great for when you're driving to visit your in-laws. I did that with Grant a couple times. We had a 2-hour conversation and it was wonderful. I want you to have that kind of conversation with your husband, too, so download it right here with the link below.
Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas
#003: Stay at Home Moms, Your Job is Just as Hard as Your Husband's
Aug 02, 2017
Show notes
Stay at home moms, I wanna tell you something I wished someone would have told me when I first started staying at home. What you do day in and day out is just as hard as your husband's day job outside of the home. Because when you don't have the right perspective, you will cut yourself short of the rest you need in order to love your family in the most loving and joyous way. How do I know? Cause I've been there.
My husband does physical labor. He works 11-12 hours a day, 5 days a week; and on Saturdays he works till 2. That sums up to a total of over 60 hours a week.
That's a lot of physically-draining work. Most nights he comes home tired and spent.
I, on the other hand, stay home with the kids. I get up early to write before the kids get up and I write when the kids are taking their naps. Throughout the day when they're awake, I sprinkle work in as I see fit. But mostly, I'm feeding them, playing with them, running errands with them, and taking them places to burn off the energy.
For someone who's never taken care of kids allll day long, you'd think, "so, what's the problem here? What's so exhausting about it? Sounds like a vacation to me."
Well, I can tell you that taking care of littles is emotionally, physically, and spiritually draining.
When you have little kids with you all day long, you're not just playing with them. It's not all rainbows and sunshine and unicorns. You're disciplining them; you're training them. Your limits are getting pushed as they push your button again and again. You get lots of precious opportunities to get sanctified throughout the day. Seriously.
So a lot of times, by the end of the day, I'm tired and spent.
I want some time to myself... without an energetic little person doing flips over my shoulder... without a whiny little person whining about whatever it is he can't seem to live without.
So I draft out this plan in my head: as soon as when he walks in I'm gonna peace out. See ya.
Well, maybe not quite literally. But - you know what I mean - I really want some alone time to recharge.
But as soon as my husband walks in, I see how tired and drained and exhausted he is - how he just wants to unwind by himself - in that moment, I think, how could I peace out? I don't need some time to myself, right? I can do this. I've been doing this all day long anyway, I can handle another couple hours before the kids go to bed.
This whole scenario would repeat itself time after time for weeks. And in those weeks, I gradually become less and less patient; I yell more and more. The expectation I have for myself as a mom - the gentle in spirit, the opening her mouth with wisdom, the teaching of kindness on her tongue - that kinda mom? Well, it's pretty much nonexistent at this point. I'm more of a grumpy-old-man-who's-ticked-off-at-everything kind of mom.
Standing where my heart is (this grumpy old man place) and looking at where I want my heart to be (this gentle, loving, joyous, patient, kind, heavenly place)... I feel like an onlooker from far away like I probably won't reach that destination. I feel downcast... I feel hopeless.
You can't compare your husband's hard with your hard
Mamas, you don't have to go down this rabbit hole of wanting time to recharge but feeling guilty for taking time to yourself and for feeling hopeless when you can't get that me-time.
It starts by adopting the right kind of view of what you do day in and day out.
You are not babysitting your children. You are caring for them and teaching them to go according to God's way. You are building up godly characters who you prayerfully hope will follow God with all their hearts some day. It is not rainbows and sunshine. In fact, it is emotionally, mentally and spiritually draining. And you can't continually do this without rest, without refreshing your soul.
Your husband works hard but so do you. Your husband could use some time to unwind but so do you.
You can't compare your husband's hard with your hard. No one wins. Because his kind of hard work is a different kind of hard than yours. Both are hard work. Both require time to recharge.
I'm not asking you to peace out as soon as your husband walks through the door. That is probably not loving nor helpful. But. Talk to your husband, work something out where you'll have a devoted time to get unfrazzled and refreshed. Make it a regular part of your life so your battery isn't sucked dry. Because you need that rest. You can't go on like this forever. It doesn't work that way.
A few me-time ideas that have worked for my family
Keep in mind that these are ideas that have worked for my family at times. As life changes we adjust. Your family works differently but I hope these ideas might spark some light bulbs in you.
I sneak out of the house Sunday morning before everyone is up. I spend a couple hours at a coffee shop. Read my bible and do whatever gives me joy. This works because then I don't feel like I'm taking away from my family time. Because, my family is still asleep.
I schedule me time in advance. After I lay the kids down for their naps on Saturday/Sunday, I leave the house for a couple hours. That way I don't feel like I'm putting too much on my husband's shoulder and he can kinda relax too when the kids are napping.
I stay up late when everyone is in bed. In the quiet hours at night, it can be incredibly refreshing to just be alone. Sometimes I browse the internet. I've also heard of moms who clean during this time, it's therapeutic.
Swap me-time/play dates with local mom friends. If you feel like you need some alone time to yourself, your local mom friend probably feels the same way. It might be a good idea for you to watch her kids for a couple hours this week so she can recharge. And then next week she'll watch yours so you can recharge as well.
Mamas, don't let yourself go too long without refreshing your souls. Your job is too hard and too important NOT to get recharged. Go ahead and put that on your schedule this week to recharge.
Photo Credit: Alabaster Jar Photography Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas
#002: Is Pride Destroying Your Marriage?
Jul 28, 2017
Show notes
Podcast music: Sunny Holidays & Summertime by Nicolai Heidlas
For the sin of their mouths, the words of their lips, let them be trapped in their pride.
— Psalm 59:12
When I read this verse about pride, I think of the proud standing in the middle of a glass box, contained. The proud refuses to lay down her pride. The walls of this glass box become thicker and thicker, muting the words of those around the proud. With the thickening walls, the distance between the proud and her spouse becomes greater and greater. Strife happens more and more; dysfunction becomes the pattern of life until one day either her spouse walks away or the proud climbs out of the box and never returns.
The picture I just described, I don't think anyone wishes it for their marriage.
And yet, if there's unrepented pride residing in our hearts, that's where our marriages are headed.
The going rate for divorce (even within the Christian community) is 50%. FIFTY!
It is outrageous. I wonder how many of these marriages were affected by unrepented pride, and how many of these marriages could have been saved if the proud would lay down their pride.
Before I go on, let me say that I understand it takes two to tango. Please don't go into defense mode and list out alllll the ways your husband has been prideful (or sinful in other ways) in your marriage. Today, I'm only talking to you the wife. I want this to be a conversation between just you and me. Don't think of this as me pointing my fingers at you. Think of this as an open conversation over coffee, doing a heart check on each other because our common goal is to glorify God with our everything.
Houston, We Have a Problem
Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
— Proverbs 16:18
One’s pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.
— Proverbs 29:23
Love the LORD, all you his saints! The LORD preserves the faithful but abundantly repays the one who acts in pride.
— Psalm 31:23
Let's do a quick Inductive Bible study here.
Based on these verses, - what do you observe to be true about pride? - What is the outcome of one's pride? - What does God think of pride? - what will happen if there's pride in the marriage?
As these verses tell us, no good things come from pride, but only destructions and downfalls.
Melting Pride with the Right View of Self
In the book The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness, Tim Keller says pride is being "overinflated, swollen, distended beyond its proper size".
C.S. Lewis explains in Mere Christianity that, "pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next person. We say that people are proud of being rich, or clever, or good-looking, but they are not. They are proud of being richer, or cleverer, or better-looking than others. If everyone else became equally rich, or clever, or good-looking there would be nothing to be proud about."
Pride is the competitiveness of having more than the next person; it is the need to prove we are important and worthy.
While pride is destructive, God can melt it away if we look at how He views us.
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.
— 1 Peter 2:9
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
— Ephesians 2:10
In him we have obtained an inheritance, having been predestined according to the purpose of him who works all things according to the counsel of his will,
— Ephesians 1:11
Looking at these verses, make note of everything that talks about who you are to God.
You are His chosen one. You are a royalty belonging to the Kingdom of God. You are God's special possession. You are His Masterpiece. You are made for good works that God handpicked for you before you were even born. You are the beneficiary of His inheritance.
In God's eyes, you are the masterpiece He cannot be more proud of. His ultimate opinion of you makes it unnecessary for you to one-up others. You are important and worthy of Him - that's all that matters.
Coming to the Throne of Grace
So how should we respond if we have pride in our hearts? Come to the throne of grace and repent.
You are never too far gone for God's Grace to reach you. God opposes the proud but embraces the humble.
Will you make the choice right now to lay down your pride at the feet of His Throne and see yourself with God's eyes?
After your repentance, go to your spouse and ask for his forgiveness. Ask him to pray for you that you will stay humbled; pray that he will forgive and forget and won't hold it against you.
Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith.
— Philippians 3:8-9
Tried and True Easy Recipes for Meal Drop-Offs
Jul 26, 2017
Show notes
Taking a break from the Christ-centered wife series, I wanted to share a few tried-and-true recipes that will make for great meal drop-off options because... it's new baby season! (These recipes are great even for kitchen newbies!)
When Grant and I first got married, I was reluctant in bringing meals over to families with new babies.
Because I was just starting to learn how to cook myself! I wasn't confident enough to bring a meal over to someone else. They might end up having to order pizza or something because I feared it would taste that bad. Haha!
But looking back, I think I'd missed out on lots of opportunities to bless others.
Providing a new family with a meal is not just about giving them yummy food, it's about the body of Christ serving each other in times of need, not out of obligation, but out of love for Christ our King.
If you're a kitchen newbie, you're probably eager to serve your brothers and sisters in Christ but you're still nervous about your cooking skills.
So. I thought I'd share a few recipes that I've tried myself. These recipes are easy to follow and the food is delish! They've certainly got my husband's approval even if it's the first time I'm making them. So, here they are :)
Try them out and let me know how they turn out! :)
LIVE Online Bible Study - Study the Bible with me!
Jul 24, 2017
Show notes
Hey, friend, how about we study the Bible together?
For the next 4 Saturday mornings (starting 7/29/2017), we are going to hang out on FB LIVE studying the Word with our new Proverbs 31 study. And I'd love for you to join me! (it's free, yo!)
Each week we will read about 5 verses together and we'll share what we've learned from these verses.
PS - even if you can't be there live, the replay will be there for you to watch at your convenience ;)
Some of the best ways I've grown in God's Word is when I learn with other women, so I can't wait to see how we'll all grow after these 4 weeks together!
If you don't have a copy of the Proverbs 31 study - No worries. For anyone who joins the live online Bible study, you will receive the eBook copy for free. #wut Yes. If you wanna study the Word with me, I will give you the tools you need!
This online Bible study is gonna be great! I hope you're as excited as I am!!
Also - let's not keep this a secret. Will you invite your friends? Share this post on FB so they can save their seats + get the eBook for freeeee.
I'm so excited. Can't wait to see you there.
Wives, Your Husband is Not Your First Love; God is.
Jul 07, 2017
Show notes
Wives, your marriage is your most important earthly relationship. But when your husband takes the seat of God's throne in your life, that is when idolatry takes place.
When Good Intentions Turn Sinful
I recently received an email from a lady named Kesha who shared how God revealed to her an idol of her heart:
I've utilized practically every resource imaginable to work on my improving and repairing my marriage. I've prayed and have been waiting for a lasting breakthrough to occur, but to no avail. Recently I've asked myself why do I see God answering my prayers and working in other areas of my life but not my marriage? What am I doing wrong?
It was during church yesterday that the answer came to me. I'd forgotten about my first love. I've placed so much focus and emphasis on my husband and my marriage to the point where I've inadvertently made them idols. Nothing should be prioritized over my relationship with God. I realize that I can do nothing without Him.
Last night I prayed and asked God to forgive me and to renew my heart and mind to pursue Him with as much zeal as I have in fixing my marriage. I have to be intentional in making time to study the Bible and prioritizing my relationship with Him.
Do you see yourself in Kesha's story? I know I do.
Please don't hear me say that it's bad to work on your marriage. That's not what I'm saying. What I do mean to say is that often times we start off with wonderful intentions: we want to nurture our marriage; we want to grow in it. But, as time goes on, instead of seeking God with your husband, you are now tunnel-visioned on your husband. Instead of running towards God with your husband, you have now sidetracked onto a dead end path.
I often find myself on this dead end path, especially when it comes to maintaining our home to my husband's liking. I get frustrated when I don't meet his "standards".
So I want to caution you by asking you the hard question: do you put your husband above God?
No Other Gods
You shall have no other gods before me.
— Deuteronomy 5:7
When we put our husbands above God, we turn them into our idols - our gods. But God's Word has said we can't do that.
Why is that?! Because God knows that:
all good things come from Him,
apart from Him we can do nothing,
apart from Him is where sin breeds.
Keeping God Your First Love
So how do we keep God our first love? By spending time with Him in His Word.
God wrote you a love letter, study it. Chew on it. Meditate on it.
Make it your first priority to learn more about God through the Bible.
If you want to learn some basic Bible-reading techniques, we have a short online Bible Basics Workshop that will help you learn and practice those techniques.
If you need help making your quiet time less overwhelming and more refreshing - because you have a busy schedule or because you have little ones interrupting you - whatever the reason is, give our bite-sized Bible studies a try. Our upcoming study on Proverbs 31 is perfect for you. Dwell in His Word in manageable chunks (one verse at a time, to be exact) and learn what a biblical wife looks like. Get your copy today here.
Friend, God gave you a beautiful blessing of marriage. Be careful not to turn your good intentions into sinful idolatry.
5 Ways to be a Respectable Wife
Jul 05, 2017
Show notes
In preparation for the Proverbs 31 study, one thing stood out about her: she has shown me that one way to show her husband respect is to be a respectable wife herself. Let's take a look at her life and see what a respectable wife looks like.
Let the wife see that she respects her husband
— Ephesians 5:33
Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land
— Proverbs 31: 23
Scripture has called us to respect our husbands, but notice how the Scripture talks about her respect for her husband: "let the wife see"
Respect is not just a thought/feeling we have towards our husbands. We're supposed to show it so that our husbands and those around us can see that. But how do you do that? Looking at the life of the Proverbs 31 lady, I've gathered 5 things you can do to be a respectable wife.
The Prerequisites to a Respectable Wife
Dress Modestly - It is hard to define modesty as it looks a little different for everyone. But I will say that a good way to judge is by asking yourself: are you dressing attractively or are you dressing to attract? It is also a good idea to ask a trusted friend who dresses modestly herself; ask her about the clothes you wear and if she thinks they're immodest.
Open Your Mouth with Wisdom - The Proverbs 31 lady portrayed this beautifully. A part of why she is such an admirable and respectable lady is because she spoke wisely. She understood that there was a time to speak and a time to stay silent. She knew what to say and what not to say. She was not hasty with her words but she was careful and spoke eloquently. If this is an area of struggle for you, I encourage you to study the book of Proverbs - it talks a lot about the wisdom of words. I also have a Speak Life Challenge to help you build your husband up with your words.
She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.
— Proverbs 31:26
Talk To and About Your Husband Respectfully - Have you ever met a woman who talks brashly about her husband? What was your initial impression on this woman? Did you find her respectable? Probably not. Every marriage has its challenges, but talking to and about your husband rudely will only bring disrespect to both you and your husband.
Work with a Willing and Joyful Heart - We see it throughout Proverbs 31. Not only did the lady work hard, she worked with a willing and joyful heart. She was not lazy; she was not complaining; she was not bitter about the kind of work she was doing. Having a joyful heart applies to both stay-at-home-moms and women who work outside of the home. Working with your whole heart for the glory of God is a godly and respectable character that we should seek to grow in.
Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.
— Colossians 3:23
Her Heart is Home-Driven - When you read Proverbs 31, you see this lady who is a wife, a mom, and a business owner. She loves and serves selflessly for her family and for those in need in her community. With all that she does, you can see where her heart is - her home. What she does centers around the home which has earned her respect in her town.
I have loved learning from Proverbs 31. It is such an important passage for women of God to learn what biblical womanhood looks like and how to apply it in their own lives.
Do you want to learn more from the Proverbs 31 lady? Download our FREE mini Bible study on this very chapter in the Bible!
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