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    TV & Film

    The How NOT To Make A Movie Podcast

    Now in our FIFTH SEASON! Join us for a deep, inside baseball, nuts-n-bolts dive into the creative process. Guests include actors like MALCOLM MCDOWELL and BRANDON ROUTH, writers LARRY WILSON (BEETLEJUICE) and CY VORIS & ETHAN REIFF (DEMON KNIGHT) and everyone I know who’s ever collaborated to create content. We talk a lot about TALES FROM THE CRYPT and why, in so many ways, that epitomized the creative process at its best… and why Bordello Of Blood (the second Crypt-branded feature film, Demon Knight was the first) was its antithesis. Talk about how NEVER to make a movie!


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    Copyright: © 2022 The How NOT To Make A Movie Podcast

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    Latest Episodes:
    Episode 3: “Welcome To Vancouver/Can We Go Home Yet?” Jul 18, 2022
    Show notes Welcome To Vancouver…

    This episode also could be called “Location, Location, Location!” Where you shoot your movie makes a huge difference. One surefire way to turn craftsmanship into crap is to shoot somewhere you have no organic reason to be. For “Bordello of Blood”, that location was Vancouver.

    Like the script for “Dead Easy”, “Bordello of Blood” took place in the South. But, whereas “Dead Easy” mostly took place in and around New Orleans (incredibly atmospheric), “Bordello” took place in a South that was completely generic. Actually, the entire rationale for even thinking it takes place in the South is the word “Bordello” in the title.

    There’s nothing in the script that says the titular bordello has to be in Sarasota or Savannah. I suspect we made it the South out of deference to “Dead Easy”, a project we were all still mourning. Our decision to keep the movie in a Southern location while deciding to shoot up north wasn’t based on anything. I guess we figured that doing something for a poor reason beat doing something for no reason.

    Vancouver is a fantastic place to make movies, TV shows, content, music – whatever! Between Gil and I, we’ve worked a ton in Vancouver. But, there are reasons to take a project to a location like Vancouver and reasons to not do that. This episode of “The How NOT To Make A Movie Podcast: The Making Of Bordello Of Blood”, starts with the unit’s arrival in “Rain City” – a location we should never have visited.

    If We’re Shooting, It Must Be Thursday

    At “Tales From The Crypt“, filming always began on a Thursday. Bordello also began shooting on a Thursday. We’ll explain why. But, before we started shooting, we still have casting issues.

    Some are courtesy of our executive Producer Joel Silver. His three choices were all producing unexpected ripple effects. Our star, Dennis Miller won’t speak any of the lines written for him (and we can’t blame him).

    Our female lead, Erika Eleniak, doesn’t want to play “those kinds” of roles anymore (after having accepted a part in a movie called “Bordello of Blood”).

    And Angie Everhart, the super model/actress playing our villain (who got the role because she was engaged to Sylvester Stallone who’s shooting a movie just to the south in Seattle – with the same executive producer), doesn’t know what everyone else on our set knows: her fiancee – Stallone – is cheating on her on his movie set in Seattle.

    Can We Go Home Now?

    Meanwhile, our production team can’t find any of the southern US locations called for in the script in Vancouver, the northern Canadian city where we chose to make the movie. Our gung-ho but inexperienced (local) special effects team suddenly makes us nervous; they ask us how to make fake blood.

    Then our boss – executive producer Joel Silver, one of the biggest action movie producers in the whole history of Hollywood – flies across the border from Seattle (where he’s shooting “Assassins” with Stallone and Antonio Banderas) to visit. Except he doesn’t bring a passport or any ID whatsoever.

    And an international incident nearly breaks out.

    What was it Bette Davis says in “All About Eve” – “”Fasten your seat belts it’s going to be a bumpy night.”? Yeah, what Bette said!

    And we’re only up to Day Three!


    Episode 2: How NOT To Cast A Movie Jul 17, 2022
    Show notes How you cast your movie IS your movie

    In movies and theater and TV shows – in anything that hires actors – casting is the most important creative decision the director will make. Even where a director puts the camera will make no difference if the actors working the other side of the camera are wrong for their roles. Casting can be so tricky that even if you get all the actors but one cast correctly? The one bad actor will ruin the entire story. They’ll be the only actor anyone ever thinks about.

    Right For The Role

    From a director’s point of view, sometimes casting is “fate and destiny more than a director’s skill and talent.” Steven Spielberg said that and he’s shockingly right. In theory, casting is ninety percent of any director’s work. Sure, sure – in movies and TV shows, the director has to worry about where to put the camera, too, but even perfect camera placement will mean nothing if the actors the camera is photographing are wrong for their roles.

    Sometimes, in movies, casting is fate. Ronald Reagan was Warner Bros original choice to play Rick, the hero of Casablanca. Humphrey Bogart was an afterthought.

    How does one know when an actor is right for a role? Can one tell if an actor is wrong? Sometimes those choices are hard to discern. Sometimes they’re as clear as a heart attack.

    “Bordello Of Blood”

    As we geared up to make Bordello of Blood, we had three solid actors in mind for our leads. We never made an offer to a one of them because Joel Silver, our larger-than-life executive producer, had ideas of his own for the leads. And reasons of his own for having those ideas.

    In a horror movie, the lead’s important but the villain is more important than anything. “Tales'” first feature, “Demon Knight” had an excellent villain in Billy Zane. Billy’s bad guy is funny, terrifying and relentless – perfect for a “Tales From The Crypt” movie. In “Dead Easy”, we would have had a complex villain caught between two worlds – this one and the afterlife – with the villain so desperate to get back to this world, he doesn’t care that it would cost the soul of his son. “Bordello’s” villain – Lilith – had no particular end game in mind. That came around to bite us in the end – like a vampire prostitute.


    Episode 1: Sausage Making, Hollywood Style Jul 17, 2022
    Show notes

    Fade In

    The “How NOT To Make A Movie Podcast” tells the story of Hollywood sausage making but from the sausage’s POV. It’s a story of outsized egos, misused power, wasted money and utter foolishness. Of bad behavior and even worse behavior. Of grown ups acting like inmates running the asylum. Of bullshit winning the day. It’s about dedicated film-makers and the larger-than-life impresarios they work for. It’s about what happens when craftspeople see their craft turn into crap.

    “TALES FROM THE CRYPT”

    “Tales From The Crypt” was one of the HBO’s early hits. It put some of Hollywood’s biggest movie producers on TV via a TV series. Back in the 1990’s the feature world was the feature world and the TV world was the TV world. But Crypt brought the two worlds together to make an anthology based on the classic 1950’s horror comics published by EC Comics. The show had no standing sets or characters. Every episode was its own little feature film – with feature film stars.

    A L Katz, the Crypt Keeper & Gil Adler – making movies instead of sausage

    Alan Katz and Gil Adler joined the Crypt team after its second season. Crypt’s third season was supposed to be its last. But, Alan and Gil reinvigorated not only the Crypt franchise, they reinvigorated the Crypt Keeper, too. Before their first season as Crypt’s producers was over, HBO ordered more seasons of “Tales From The Crypt” sausage.

    More success followed. Universal Studios ordered three Crypt branded feature films (more sausage still!). The Crypt team’s first feature produced the successful “Demon Knight” starring Billy Zane, Jada Pinkett-Smith and William Sadler. As the team prepared to make the second mandated Crypt feature, circumstances beyond their control suddenly conspired against them.

    “DEAD EASY” PLEASURE BECOMES “BORDELLO OF BLOOD” PAIN

    The team spent six months working on a psychological thriller script called “Dead Easy”. With Universal’s approval, they spent months in New Orleans finding locations and setting up shop.

    But, three weeks before starting formal prep (the production schedule was tied to a Halloween release date a year away), Universal canceled “Dead Easy”. Instead, they handed the film makers a whole other script called “Bordello Of Blood” – with the very same production schedule. That meant they had three weeks to revise and then start shooting a script none of them had ever seen before.

    What happened next – the production of “Tales From The Crypt Presents Bordello Of Blood” – would make a train wreck look tidy. It’s what happens when sausage-making replaces movie-making. From the casting of its stars to the choice of shooting in Vancouver, every decision the creative team made backfired on them horribly. When you do things for all the wrong reasons, nothing good happens. You end up making a horror movie where the making of the movie is more horrifying than anything in the movie.

    But, ultimately, “The How NOT To Make A Movie Podcast” is really about a creative relationship – how it started, how “Bordello of Blood” ended it – and how a podcast – this one – rekindled it. Who says there are no happy endings?


    Episode 7: Some Tales About “Tales” May 07, 2022
    Show notes

    Episode 6: The Cutting Room Floor Apr 28, 2022
    Show notes

    There’s a whole Hollywood history of scenes and characters – whole endings even – that never made it to the final cut. Back in the days when we all shot on film – as with Bordello of Blood – pieces of story and character really did end up on the floor. There’s a story in this episode about executive producer Bob Zemeckis cobbling together scraps TAKEN from the cutting room floor to imply a relationship between two characters that we absolutely never shot.

    Such is the magic of editing.

    To be absolutely honest, I hadn’t planned to include an episode like this when I laid out the podcast initially. I knew as I interviewed Gil and Ed and Greg and Victoria and Todd and Colleen (and Randall – Randall’s a podcast unto himself he’s got so many stories!) that they were giving me way more incredible content than I could possibly use; I figured I’d be the only one who ever knew such gold even existed.

    But, hey, podcasts, ya know?

    In a sense, this episode really is a monster made up of spare parts. Don’t be afraid! It won’t hurt you. Much…


    S1E6 The Cutting Room Floor Apr 28, 2022
    Show notes

    THE BLURB: You've heard the Frankenstein's monster story, now stick around for a look at all the spare body parts that didn't make the cut (as it were). There's even MORE to the Bordello Of Blood saga!


    SHOW NOTES

    The Cutting Room Floor is legendary in Hollywood. Whole careers have happened there. In fact, there's a whole weird history in Hollywood of scenes and actors who famously never made "the cut". Kevin Costner, for instance, was entirely cut out of "The Big Chill".


    Video and DVD's changed everything. One could rent or buy the studio's cut or "The Director's Cut". Finally, the director could put out the extended movie they envisioned with all the scenes the studio cut out. Often that was great. Sometimes though you saw the studio's wisdom.


    Film v Video

    Back then, we shot on film, cut on digital then transferred back to film for the release. Digital editing began in 1985 when Quantel produced its limited "Harry" compositor. Things got rolling two years later (1987) when Avid released its Avid/1 Media Composer. Cutting on video was revolutionary of course. You could see dissolves and freeze frames in real time. Before, you'd see dissolves laid out in yellow grease paint drawn across the literal film.

    Filming the movie gets all the attention. But, it won't be until we deliver all the filmed footage to the editing suite - and the editor performs their magic - that it will become "a movie". Or a TV show.


    And it can blow your mind what exactly can happen in an editing suite. There's a story in this episode about executive producer Bob Zemeckis cobbling together a scene we never shot. He took scraps from the cutting room floor to imply a lesbian sexual encounter between Angie's character and Erika's. One pickup shot was all it took to marry it all together in the audience's head.


    That simple cross (filmed using two extras instead of the actors) ties it together perfectly. It really is like seeing how magic tricks work. And at the hands of a magician - our boss Bob Zemeckis.


    In a sense, this episode really is a monster made up of spare parts - rescued from the cutting room floor But, don't be afraid! It won't hurt you. Much..



    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.


    Episode 5: “Endings Are Never Pretty” Apr 21, 2022
    Show notes The official “Bordello Of Blood” crew photo

    As the production of “Bordello Of Blood” stumbled toward its climax, we knew we’d leave Vancouver with an unfinished movie in hand. That was ironic because our unfinished movie had finished one relationship (between Sly Stallone and Angie Everhart) and was on its way to finishing another – the decade-long creative one between Alan Katz and Gil Adler. Endings are never pretty.

    In this episode, things don’t so much go from bad to worse as settle into a soul-sucking certainty that the project is doomed.

    On the bright side (if there was one), at least we weren’t keeping a secret from Angie any more. We had all grown fond of Angie and sympathetic to her after Sly Stallone unceremoniously dumped her in the middle of a working day. Talk about unhappy endings!

    Can This Please, Please Be Over?

    Tensions between cast members was high. Corey Feldman felt disrespected by Dennis Miller. So did Erika Eleniak and all of the day players – all Canadian. There was even more tension between Dennis and our Canadian crew. The crew had soured on Dennis almost as soon as he’d arrived in Vancouver. First, because he was rude. Second, because he was rude to them for being Canadian. That was weird because Dennis was married to a Canadian from Vancouver! What really annoyed the crew though was having to switch their weekends in order to accommodate Dennis and his HBO TV show’s shooting schedule.

    There’s actual fisticuffs between the cast. The crew begins to desert us in droves. And, so we realize too late to do anything about it, there’s not nearly enough night time to make our shooting days. Night time in at the height of summer this far north lasts about four hours.

    You’d think a bunch of savvy filmmakers would have considered that. Oh, how wrong you’d be.

    Ultimately, Bordello would leave Vancouver uncompleted. And the Crypt creative team was more broken than we realized. Indeed – endings are never pretty.

    But, boy, can they make for a great story! And, this being a Hollywood story, there are even a few twists and turns along the way – and an actual “Hollywood ending”.


    S1E5 Endings Are Never Pretty Apr 21, 2022
    Show notes

    How a movie starts is really important. How it ends though – how it sends its audience out into the night – is really, really important. It was pretty much a given that a production as tortured, challenged and just plain stupid as Bordello's would stumble to its conclusion (which is exactly what it did). We headed back to LA with an unfinished movie and a future that had gone from certain to fraught.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.


    Episode 4: “Special Effects” Apr 13, 2022
    Show notes

    In a horror movie, makeup special effects are everything. Get them wrong and your audience will hate you. It’s just how the horror business is: no guts, no glory.

    If Freddy Krueger had looked like 1953’s “Robot Monster” (with a gorilla body and a deep sea diver helmet head – with antennas), the whole “Nightmare On Elm Street” series would have flopped. Freddy’s backstory is interesting and the “dream logic rules” are truly terrifying, but if Freddy looks dopey rather than terrifying? Nothing else will matter. The audience will hate him (in the wrong way) and hate the movie in every other way.

    Nothing is more important to a horror movie than its makeup special effects.

    When Special Makeup Effects Aren’t “Special” Enough

    We live and die (ironically) by the quality, the craftsmanship, the authenticity and the sheer OMG-ness of how well we create the illusion of gore. Some of my fondest memories from “Tales From The Crypt” involve me, “Tales'” make up guru Todd Masters and a stack of pathology textbooks. Oh, how we would cackle, the two of us, as we leafed through those pathology textbooks, looking for examples of extreme physical mayhem to put on screen. Unfortunately, agreeing to pay Dennis Miller a million bucks (half a million more than was in our budget for the lead) forced us to leave Todd back in Los Angeles.

    In place of Todd, we took a leap of faith and entrusted our horror movie’s makeup special effects – our bread and butter – to an untried local team up in Vancouver.

    That’s where this episode begins: we’ve realized that our local makeup special effects team – talented and willing as they are – needs help.

    We call in Todd Masters. But there’s only so much he can do with a bus that’s already careening toward a cliff. Meanwhile, Dennis wants to be anywhere but the set. Erika doesn’t want to play the role she’s playing. And Sly finally cuts it off with Angie – leaving her an emotional wreck.

    And then Joel comes for another visit!

    We had turned into one of those horror movies. the kind where there’s way more horror in making the movie than ever makes it onto the screen.


    S1E3 Special Effects Apr 13, 2022
    Show notes

    THE BLURB: Nothing is more important to a horror movie than its makeup special effects. Ironically, we live and die by the quality, the craftsmanship, the authenticity and the sheer OMG-ness of how well we re-create the illusion of gore. We should have been able to pull off Bordello's special effects in our sleep. Instead, we made more idiotic choices that challenged our inexperienced crew and guaranteed more chaos.



    SHOW NOTES:

    For more great storytelling podcasts, please visit https://costardandtouchstone.com/.

    Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.


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