Your prescription for happier, healthier homeschooling. Christian psychologist, author, and homeschool mom of six Dr. Melanie Wilson shares research-backed, doable strategies for the things that steal your sanity — stress and burnout, time management, organization, motivation, and curriculum decisions — with plenty of encouragement along the way. For homeschooling parents who want calmer, more joyful days. Follow the show and homeschool with more sanity and grace.
Special Replay: Homeschool Gone Wild: A Fresh Look at Unschooling
Apr 18, 2023
Show notes
Hey, homeschoolers!
I’ve done a lot of reading on unschooling and I’ve experimented with it in the afternoons with my kids over the years. But I was forced to take a fresh look at unschooling when I read the book, Homeschool Gone Wild. I invited the author, Karla Marie Williams, to be a guest on the podcast and I posed some challenging questions to her. Whether you’re all about unschooling or think it’s not for you, I know you’ll enjoy my interview with this fascinating homeschool mama.
But first, I’d love to invite you to join our Homeschool Sanity Facebook group. I am enjoying your answers to the daily discussion questions. I am happy to give my answers to your burning questions along with allowing the rest of the group to respond, and I consider it a privilege to pray for your requests.
I’d like to thank our sponsor, the Christian Standard Bible. Listen for more about this fresh version of God’s Word.
Homeschool Gone Wild: A Fresh Look at Unschooling
Karla Marie Williams is a speaker, writer, and global child advocate. As the founder of iSpeak4KidsGlobal, her work has touched multple countries and cultures. She is a homeschool conference speaker and a mentor to parents through social media – Unschooling the Senational Six. Karla is a wife of 21 years and a mom of si inspired learners. She and her family reside in Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Karla responded brilliantly to several criticisms of unschooling, including that it’s:
Special Replay: Homeschool Your Way: Finding Freedom In Your Christian Homeschool Journey
Apr 04, 2023
Show notes
Do you long for more freedom in your homeschool? More of the peace and joy you thought you’d have as you taught your children at home? If so, this episode of The Homeschool Sanity Show is for you. In our time together, I’ll share why a grace-based approach to home education may be just what you’re looking for.
Hey, homeschoolers! Today’s episode is about what homeschooling looks like when we seek a truly customized approach to home learning. I am passionate about this topic but I didn’t have a label for what I believed until I joined a scrapbooking community this summer. I’ll tell you about it after this message from my sponsor: CTC Math.
Sponsor
Finding a math curriculum that works for your family can be a challenge! With CTCMath, all of your kids from K-12 can learn at their own pace with one family subscription. That’s right! With a CTCMath membership, you have access to all grades and lessons, which means your children can work at whatever level is best for them. Whether your kid needs to catch up, keep up, or move ahead, with CTCMath they can finally understand math and work at their own pace. CTCMath is offering listeners a half-price discount plus a bonus 6 months when you register for a 12-month membership. Yep. That means you have access to a complete online homeschool math curriculum for all your kids for 18 months!
The Idea Behind Homeschool Your Way
If you once scrapbooked but have given it up, you may be as surprised as I was to learn that there is still an active community of women pursuing the hobby. This particular community’s leader, Jennifer Wilson, is also the author of The New Rules of Scrapbooking. In her book and messages, Jennifer communicates that it is more than okay to let go of scrapbooking rules. Scrapbookers know the old rules well–like having to start with your current photos and then get caught up; feeling pressure to create beautiful, artistic pages; or needing to choose between paper and digital scrapbooking. With her support for tailoring the hobby to meet individual goals and preferences, members are finding a renewed passion for their craft.
The parallels to homeschooling were clear to me. As with scrapbooking, rules can steal the joy of home educating, leading to burnout, and eventually to giving up.
It is not my contention that every scrapbooker must continue her craft, nor is it my belief that every homeschooler must continue to teach every child through high school. But I am convinced that homeschooling parents will enjoy teaching at home more if they pursue the occupation in a way uniquely suited to them and their children in this season of their lives.
Encouragement to Homeschool Your Way
The blessings of teaching my six children at home have been more than I could have asked for or imagined. I started because I believed God wanted me to homeschool. And though reluctant and thoroughly unprepared, I ended up loving it. I love:
Having the time to teach my kids about God in depth
Learning alongside my kids
Watching my kids grow and make discoveries
The flexibility of a homeschool schedule
The closeness of our family relationships
I could go on, but these things I share with you to remind you of the some of the reasons you started homeschooling.
Obstacles to Homeschooling Your Way
I had enough obstacles in the way of homeschool success without adding unnecessary rules. Extra, homeschooler-created rules weren’t an issue when I started teaching my oldest son more than 20 years ago. But more and more I hear rules homeschoolers are following like:
“You shouldn’t use textbooks as a homeschooler.”
“You can’t use state curriculum if you want to be a real homeschooler.”
“You can’t use creation science curriculum if you want your child to go to college.”
I’m sure that together we could come up with a long list of homeschool rules that have been developed as homeschooling has become more popular. This propensity to create more rules reminds me of the Israelites, who were set free from the slavery of Egypt, only to enslave themselves by adding hundreds of laws to the ten commandments.
This rule-making behavior is obviously part of our human nature. When we have been set free from so many rules around education as homeschoolers, why do we create more than what we are required to follow in our state?
First, I believe we create homeschool rules because of fear. Rules and a dedication to following them can provide structure, order, and security. If we follow the rules that our homeschool organization, our curriculum provider, or our favorite homeschool influencer gives us, we can feel confident that we aren’t going to ruin our kids’ lives.
That makes sense. When we are just starting our homeschool journey, we don’t know what to teach, how to teach it, or for how long. So we gladly accept the rules as we establish our school at home. I read a lot about homeschooling in my state and what various leaders said we had to do to comply with the law, so I could feel confident. I was afraid of having Division of Family Services knocking on my door and following rules calmed me down.
But there’s a problem with this fear-based approach to rules. Some of the people involved in your homeschool organization, curriculum, or social media feed have their own fears that may not be appropriate for you and your family. For example, a leader in a homeschool organization may have met with a family who had family services visit. Although the visit had nothing to do with homeschool documentation, this leader adopts stringent documentation rules to allay fears. However, an influencer in a state with no documentation laws and no fear of state interference may promote not keeping records when that wouldn’t be wise in your state.
A second reason we create unnecessary homeschool rules is because of pride. Although at first I didn’t want to homeschool and had no idea how to go about it, I became proud and comfortable with what we were doing. I thought every Christian parent should homeschool and definitely shouldn’t use boring textbooks! I quickly found other homeschoolers who held up other rules for me to consider–rules around which subjects to teach, which books we should and shouldn’t read, and what we had to do for our kids to be accepted into college. Add in a bunch of rules around parenting, socializing, and technology, and we were overwhelmed.
I don’t think these rules get developed only from arrogance. Homeschoolers (like all people) look for the root causes of success and failure so they can get the best results for their kids. But successes and failures almost always have multiple causes. We like to think we have control over all the variables, but the Bible tells us that God is the One who grants success. Here is just one example from 1 Samuel 18:14:
And David had success in all his undertakings, for the Lord was with him.
Pride can also lead to more rules because we assume other homeschoolers are like us. If we’ve had great success doing school in the morning, throwing out the textbooks, or doing nature study instead of experiments, we think everyone else could benefit too. But the Bible tells us that we are all different parts of the same body. 1 Corinthians 12:17-19 reads:
If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be?
Where would homeschooling be if we were all doing things the same way? The beauty of it is that we are all unique homeschoolers just as God wants us to be. Does that mean we can’t grow and improve? The body does and so can we.
When we trust God to train us up in the way we should go in our homeschooling and recognize that our journey isn’t exactly like anyone else’s, we can experience freedom and joy.
Principles for Homeschooling Your Way
The silliest thing I could do right now is tell you exactly HOW to homeschool your way. But I can share some principles that have helped me find freedom in my own homeschooling journey.
The first principle you might not expect. That is to follow the spirit of the law for homeschooling in your state, if not the letter. In Titus 3:1 and elsewhere, God tells us to obey our authorities because He has established authority for good. That doesn’t mean we can’t work to create more freedom with homeschooling in our state. We should! But while the law is in place, we can have peace of mind by following it. Then we don’t have to live in fear of the authorities knocking on our door. But note that I said the spirit of the law. If you’re supposed to provide 600 hours of education in core subjects a year, I’m not suggesting you have the stopwatch out, stopping it every time junior needs to use the bathroom. I mean to look at the number of days you are learning and the percentage of time you are studying core subjects like language arts, history, science, and math vs. drawing, listening to music, and shooting hoops. If your curriculum plan will provide that number of core hours without a major, unexpected event, I consider you to be following the spirit of the law. While your requirements will vary, I think it’s a good practice to be obedient without being legalistic.
The next way to homeschool your way, in my opinion, is to try it. Trying new schedules, new approaches, and even a new educational lifestyle is how we learn what works for us in this season of our homeschooling. I say “this season” because as soon as you find a good rhythm, something will change. It takes energy and time to keep forging ahead, but these changes are also what makes homeschooling so engaging. If it was the same-old, same old, we would probably want to quit.
We obviously don’t want to try something immoral or downright dangerous. But even if our experiments put us behind on our educational plan, I think that experimentation is worth it. Years ago, I met a blogger at a conference who intended to homeschool her kindergartener with an all-day video curriculum. I don’t think I said what I was thinking: That’s crazy! But I shouldn’t have said it anyway, even though that plan was highly unlikely to work for her. The discovery of the limits of her daughter’s attention span needed to be hers. She may have discovered that some aspects of the video curriculum she was interested in were captivating and a perfect fit for her daughter. If I had given her my opinion, she would miss those lessons.
I have spoken before about my fondness for eclectic homeschooling–taking aspects of many different approaches and curricula to create your own approach. But here’s what I’ve realized lately: Your way may be using one approach strictly. You may be loving your weekly Classical Conversations group, your Instagram-worthy Wild & Free days, or your boxed curriculum. That isn’t wrong. In fact, it’s an amazing blessing that you have the freedom to do what works for you!
But if something isn’t working as well as you’d like, I urge you to try something new for as long as you like. Write down how you and your students feel about it and why, so you can track your progress. This is the process I used to significantly improve my productivity. I write about it in A Year of Living Productively.
My third encouragement to you is trust God when you don’t see a clear path ahead. I’ve written about the lessons I learned sending my oldest to public school for his last two years of high school. Those lessons were so valuable for both of us that I would make the same decision again. But if it had been a bad experience, we could have easily changed directions. Many parents take their kids in and out of school and put them back again without their lives being ruined.
I shared recently that I initially planned to have my kids do college while they were in high school. That plan changed except that they attend community college as juniors and seniors. My daughter also wanted to attend public high school. I didn’t want her to, but I approach homeschooling with an open hand. I see it as a gift the Lord gave me and can retrieve at will. I prayed about it and she changed her mind. My kids’ career plans have also changed with time. My son who wanted to be a lawyer works for an IT staffing company. My son who wanted to be a physical therapist is in PA school. My daughter who has wanted to be a teacher since she was a little girl just messaged me that she wants to be a nurse instead.
Conclusion
The beauty of homeschooling is that it’s not a destination. It truly is a journey that prepares you and your children for obstacles and changes that will come. No one has a straight path to success. There are a few straight paths to failure, but you’re not likely to to be on them if you’re listening to this episode.
If you trust God to guide and direct you and your children, you don’t have to be afraid of the unschooling police busting you for buying curriculum. You don’t have to force your kids outside for six hours a day to please Charlotte Mason. And you don’t even have to keep homeschooling to stay on God’s path.
Thanks again to CTC Math for their sponsorship. Have a happy homeschool week!
Special Replay: How To Make Grammar Fun Regardless Of Your Curriculum
Mar 21, 2023
Show notes
Hey, homeschoolers!
Does grammar get groans at your house? That’s how grammar lessons taught in the traditional way are usually greeted. And we can’t blame our kids for dreading grammar. It can be dry and tedious.
Skipping it isn’t a good option, however. Grammar is important because it comprises a significant part of college entrance exams. It also determines how our kids will be viewed by peers and potential employers.
Fortunately, there’s another way. Grammar can be fun! When it is, it helps make grammar lessons stick. I have six easy steps for making grammar engaging in a minute.
But first, I’d like to thank my sponsor for this episode, BookShark.
Visit My Sponsor
BookShark homeschool curriculum is literature-based, 4-day, and faith-neutral.
Amber Reed Davis, a busy homeschool mom, says,
“We can’t say enough good stuff about BookShark. We’re doing Levels 3 and 5 this year. My kids are hooked. Through the amazing books, we’ve traveled to fascinating places and learned so much! And we’re only on week 13! Who knew a middle schooler would ask if we could still do school on our 5th day because he wanted to find out what happens next in the books we’re reading? Also, I’ve been amazed at how much I’ve learned through reading along with them. Oh, and the 4-day schedule is perfect. We use our 5th day to catch up or just for fun field trips, experiments, and messy art projects.”
Amber is right! BookShark’s fully planned, 4-day homeschool curriculum flexes to match your busy lifestyle. The detailed Instructor’s Guides lay everything out so clearly that you are prepared to teach in mere minutes each day—open your guide, gather your resources (which are all included in your package), and go! Curriculum for ages 4-16 is available in All-Subject Packages or by individual academic areas: Reading with History, Language Arts, Science, and Math. WithBookShark’s literature-rich programs, your children will read (or have read to them) 35-50 engaging books each year! Visit BookShark to browse curriculum, download samples, or request a catalog.
SPECIAL REPLAY: Curriculum Paralysis: How to Decide Which Curriculum to Teach This Year
Mar 14, 2023
Show notes
Hey homeschoolers! This week I had a reader question about curriculum that I just had to respond to with a podcast episode. It was essentially this. I have so many curriculum options. How do I choose which to use this year? We’re going to chat about that in just a bit!
If you are interested in a fun language arts curriculum for your elementary students, I would love to have you follow me on Facebook in the grammar guardians group or on Instagram at Grammar Galaxy Books. I occasionally share language arts helps on both platforms and guardians share their mission progress. It’s so much fun and can be motivating to your kids. I choose a guardian of the month from those who share in the group, who tag Grammar Galaxy Books, or who use the hashtag #grammargalaxy. I send them exclusive motivational stickers, writing instruments, and bookmarks.
Teaching Tip of the Week
Watch a video review to make decisions on curriculum. When I started using Periscope two years ago, I found the video reviews on the platform so helpful. If I watched live, I could not only see inside the books or online program, but I could ask questions of experienced users. Since then, I have been doing my own curriculum reviews on Facebook Live at my Psychowith6: Homeschool Sanity Facebook page. I would love to have you join me each week for these reviews and other tips you can use regardless of the curriculum you’re using. You can also search for video reviews on YouTube. If you have a question that hasn’t been asked, comment and you’ll get the information you need to make a decision.
This week (August 15th at 4 E/3C/2M/1P) I will be reviewing Grammar Galaxy live on the Free Homeschooling 101 Facebook page. You’ll have the chance to ask questions and to win a copy for free! The review will be added to YouTube and I am happy to answer your questions after the live video is over.
I developed a serious shopping habit. I’d like to pretend it didn’t happen now that I’ve found freedom. But this is The Homeschool Sanity Show — the episode where I explain how I stopped shopping too much and how you can too.
Hey, homeschoolers! I took a golf class one evening and drove myself to the store to shop for clothing immediately afterward. I didn’t need anything. I didn’t even really want anything. But there I was, clearly looking for a dopamine hit. I thought I just needed a less expensive way of getting a hit, but then my perspective changed. I learned I was shopping to meet a deeper unmet need. Once I uncovered and met that need, I found freedom from a shopping compulsion. You can enjoy that same freedom, whatever you shop for, by changing your self-talk, not looking for a new drug, and communicating authentically.
There is a debate in our culture when it comes to using shame in parenting. The first camp says that we are reaping the immorality of having no shame in our culture. That view is described in Philippians 3:19: Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. The second camp says that shaming itself is inappropriate for believers. Romans 10:11 reads As Scripture says, “Anyone who believes in him will never be put to shame.”. This is The Homeschool Sanity Show — the episode where we will consider shame in parenting.
Hey, homeschoolers! My desire with this episode is not to tell you what to do as a parent, but to give you principles to consider with respect to shame in parenting. Prayerful consideration will help you avoid pitfalls and point kids to a merciful Savior who doesn’t want them to bear the shame of unrepentant sin.
Parenting Resources
2 Samuel 12 This is what the Lord, the God of Israel, says: ‘I anointed you king over Israel, and I delivered you from the hand of Saul. 8 I gave your master’s house to you, and your master’s wives into your arms. I gave you all Israel and Judah. And if all this had been too little, I would have given you even more. 9 Why did you despise the word of the Lord by doing what is evil in his eyes? You struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword and took his wife to be your own. You killed him with the sword of the Ammonites. 10 Now, therefore, the sword will never depart from your house, because you despised me and took the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your own.’
11 “This is what the Lord says: ‘Out of your own household I am going to bring calamity on you. Before your very eyes I will take your wives and give them to one who is close to you, and he will sleep with your wives in broad daylight. 12 You did it in secret, but I will do this thing in broad daylight before all Israel.’”
13 Then David said to Nathan, “I have sinned against the Lord.”
Nathan replied, “The Lord has taken away your sin. You are not going to die. 14 But because by doing this you have shown utter contempt for[a] the Lord, the son born to you will die.”
Anger in Parenting
How To Plan Your Homeschool Day
Feb 21, 2023
Show notes
The best chance we have of having a good homeschool day is to plan it. This is The Homeschool Sanity Show–the episode where I’ll explain how to plan the day using the 3 R’s.
The number #1 complaint I hear about planning is that it’s impossible with so many interruptions–husbands, pets, kids. But my experience is that planning is essential BECAUSE of the interruptions. The benefits of planning the day include having peace of mind and getting more done than you would without a plan.
How To Develop Your Child’s Biblical Worldview
Feb 07, 2023
Show notes
One of the greatest challenges we face as Christian homeschoolers is teaching our kids a philosophy based on the Bible. This is The Homeschool Sanity Show, the episode where guest Elizabeth Urbanowicz gives us easy-to-implement ideas for imparting a biblical worldview.
Hey, homeschoolers! One of the things that surprised me about homeschooling was how challenging it can be to teach a biblical philosophy. There are no other subjects that have so many competing teachers. When I teach my child that 7 times 8 is 56, I can be confident that she won’t read a book or see a show that denies it. Yet when I teach my child that people are born into sin because of the fall of humanity in the Garden of Eden, I know that he will encounter numerous voices that say not only is that not true, but it’s child abuse for me to teach it.
I have addressed this topic on the podcast before. But I found Elizabeth to be equally delightful and practical. She is the founder of Foundation Worldview–a wealth of information for Christian adults as they equip kids to live out their lives for Jesus.
We discussed:
What defines truth
Discussing other worldviews with our kids
The importance of kids studying the Bible for themselves
Get Organized The Easy Way
Jan 31, 2023
Show notes
📚 Part of our guide: Homeschool Organization
Does organizing or staying organized seem hard? It did for me. This is the Homeschool Sanity Show, the episode where I share the easy way to get and stay organized.
Hey, homeschoolers! If you’ve heard any of my organizing episodes before, you know that I was so disorganized that I felt I couldn’t homeschool without having division of family services come in. Not only was my house a mess but I wasn’t actually teaching my preschooler. He was my proving ground and I proved to myself that I could not do it!
That was when I found FLYLady online and discovered the power of routines. Routines changed my life and gave me the confidence I needed to keep homeschooling and even have three more children. Routines–a string of habits regularly done in the same order–provide the structure that we need to keep up our homes, care for our kids, and homeschool. They also make organizing possible.
But organizing, even with routines in place, can seem hard. Perhaps you have a part of your routine dedicated to organizing. But instead of decluttering and making access to things easier, you choose to do something else. You might decide to fold the laundry, clean a window covered with fingerprints, or scan Pinterest for organizing hacks instead of actually organizing. Why do we do this and how can we fix it?
Before I share the easy way to get organized, I want to admit that I can easily fall into the hard way of getting organized, too. When I do, I don’t want to organize. At all. Allow me to describe the hard way that has me wanting to do anything but get organized.
Organizing the Hard Way
The hard way requires a decision on every item in the space. Have you ever had to complete one of these long, legal documents for an expensive product or service you’re purchasing? It has a dozen options that you haven’t researched. So you have to look to the sales rep for an explanation and a recommendation for each. The worst is when the sales rep shrugs and says it’s up to you. This is how we can feel when we’re faced with a space full of items. Should you get rid of it? Move it? Buy an alternative to it? Ask someone if they want it? Sell it? Take a picture of it or record yourself explaining the significance of the item before you let it go? What kind of organizing system should you use for storing it? What options are available for that? Will you use it again? When? How often will you use it and does that frequency justify keeping it? That decision fatigue plus any emotion the item brings up can be exhausting with just one item. I feel stupid for buying it. I feel guilty for buying it. I remember the person who gave it me and I feel sad or angry. I wonder if that person will ask about it if I let it go. No wonder we want to avoid this process! Therapy would be easier.
The hard way also means perfectly following the plan. I love the decluttering missions from Home Storage Solutions 101. So many times I’ve started the new year telling myself that I’m going to do the missions on the day they’re planned. Then I get to “create tax organizer for current tax info.” I see the word tax and I’m more interested in cleaning the toilet. I tell myself I can do tax stuff later. What I really mean by that is when my husband says our accountant needs all our tax stuff this week or else. So I skip it for now.
Then when I’m supposed to take decluttered food to the food pantry according to the plan, I think, “I don’t even know where to take it! Is this a big enough donation to drop off? Shouldn’t it be better food than the lima beans I didn’t eat? Should I buy some food to add to this? And it’s raining. Hard. I don’t know where my umbrella is. I’ll do it another day.” Then I’ve already failed. I didn’t do the tax system or the food donation, so now I can’t win in the game of “do everything in my decluttering plan when scheduled this year.” I quit using the plan because it’s simply a reminder that I’ve failed. Again.
The third way to make organizing hard is by doing it alone. If I’m alone when I make the decisions, I don’t know if my husband needs something in the space. I’m stuck. If I ask him to join me, he will likely just say “keep!” without considering the 25 options I described earlier that are clearly required before making a decision. When you have young kids, you can declutter their toys and clothes without them, while fretting that they will describe this trauma to their therapist one day. “My mom threw out my prized possession, the object I would take with me in case of fire, without even thinking to ask me. And this is why I can’t take care of myself today.” We compare this nightmare scenario to the certainty of asking your child about an object and knowing the answer will be “keep!” when it should be tossed or “Get rid of it” when it should be kept. We default to doing it alone in response and feel frozen, so we don’t do it at all.
We also default to doing it alone because we are too embarrassed to ask for help. We won’t let anyone see how much stuff we have or how much a mess it’s left us in. We don’t want to see the shock on a friend’s face or to be gossiped about. Better to just handle it ourselves. Doing it ourselves is also a punishment. “You’ve made your bed, now lie in it.” We’ll have to do it all ourselves, though we have likely had help from others in creating the clutter. But when it comes time to do it, we’d rather delay that punishment. Of course! Asking for professional help in terms of an organizer or therapist is out of the question. We don’t think we’re bad enough to need a professional; we can’t afford it or don’t want to spend the money on our own failure; or we want to do the work ourselves first. Then the professional won’t think we’re so bad.
The hard way is deciding on every item perfectly and alone. Have you tried organizing the hard way? I have. So what’s this easy way I speak of?
Organizing the Easy Way
Only make the easy decisions now. I love that Dana White advises us to eliminate the trash first. If you have difficulty parting with trash, you must consult an expert on hoarding. This advice won’t help you. But apart from that, make decisions on the obvious items. If you have some principles to guide you, you’ll have more easy decisions. For example, my guideline is that clothing that needs repair goes. Why? Because my history is that I don’t repair clothes. I just buy new. What if I have an exception? I do have one right now. The sleeve of a favorite top has come loose and can be easily stitched up. I’m not deciding on it now. It’s not an easy decision. I intend to stitch it. But when I am decluttering in the future, I will see if I’ve stitched it and if I am still wanting to wear it. If no is the answer to both, the shirt will go. If I gave the shirt away now, I would have some angst about it. So it stays. Easy decisions on decluttering or locations or organizing schemes shouldn’t give you anxiety or have you waffling. The decision should be quick and unemotional. Again, if every decision is lengthy and emotional, you’ll need help from a professional. But most people can make quick decisions on some items.
When making easy decisions, you can either leave the questionable items where they are (as I did with my shirt in my closet), or you can put them in a maybe box. The option you choose should not make you anxious. If putting something in a box stresses you out, keep it where it is.
The next easy way to organize is to see the plan as a buffet. Take from it what you want, without even considering that you’ll take it all. You’d be hospitalized trying to eat every item on a buffet. Instead, you’d likely choose some things from the salad bar, a main dish option or two, a side or two, and a dessert or two. If it’s a really good buffet, you’ll go back for seconds. But you don’t consider yourself a failure for not eating every item.
Let’s apply this analogy to an organizing plan. I have an organizing plan in The Organized Homeschool Life. There is an area of your life to organize each week. Within that area, there are four 15-minute missions. If you tell yourself that you will do every mission every week, that’s the hard way, and you will fail. The easy way is to choose the areas that would make the biggest difference to your life. The easy way is to choose one area a month to focus on. The easy way is to choose one mission in that area to complete a week. The easy way is to do just 5 minutes instead of 15.
But won’t that be pointless, you may ask? No. It’s amazing what you can accomplish in just 5 minutes that would improve your life. I have cleaned out many a drawer that was giving me fits in just 5 minutes. Even if you do no more than 5 minutes of organizing a week, you’ll have more sanity. But the odds are good that you’ll see the benefits of decluttering and organizing and want to do more–more than you’d want to do if you told yourself that you have to follow the plan perfectly.
When you are making the easy decisions and treating your organizing plan like a buffet that offers small samples to enjoy, you are organizing the easy way. But you can also do it the easy way by organizing with others. Before you object and say that you have no one who would want to come over to help you, let me tell you about how I decluttered a huge stash of books. I know, letting go of books is heresy. But I’m married to a book salesman and I was keeping a mental health library for eternity. It needed to be trimmed. While I was decluttering, I was on the phone with a friend who lived out of town. I have no idea if she was even listening to me, but as I told her why I was keeping a particular book, the answer became obvious to me. “A friend gave this to me…and I haven’t read it and don’t want to, so why am I keeping it?” It was so much easier to trim my book collection this way. It was almost fun!
I can guarantee that you also know people locally who love organizing. They not only love it but would be energized by helping you and would not judge you or gossip about you. Pray about this and talk about one of your organizing dilemmas. See who says they would love to help you. If you would feel better about it, offer one of your gifts in return. You could teach her child a skill, babysit, make her a meal, etc. You can also ask someone to be your accountability partner. My friend and I are doing one thing a week to get organized and are reporting it to each other when we get together.
There are also professional organizers who are worth paying. They are really no different than hiring a carpenter to work in your home. These people have seen it all and will likely tell you that you’re not as much of a disaster as you think. Consider the value of having an objective, experienced person help you simplify your life. Ask your friends for a referral.
Then realize that there is tremendous value in working through the family issues that keep you working alone. Things got very testy when I organized the garage with my husband. But we needed to resolve the conflict instead of ignoring it. One of the best ways to do that is to be clear about what you need instead of attacking the other person’s character.
Kids also have to be taught to declutter their belongings. If we don’t teach them, it can become a lifelong struggle with marital conflict of their own. The container concept is an easy way of teaching kids. They can keep as many toys as comfortable fit in a box or a closet and no more. Instead of starting with the trash with this kind of organizing, have them choose their favorite belongings. Whatever space is left is available for second-tier belongings.
I had the biggest challenge decluttering toys with kids of different ages. I solved it by putting blankets on the floor–one for giveaway, one for trash, and one for keep. As an older child put a toy he enjoyed when he was younger on the giveaway blanket, a younger child could rescue it for the keep blanket. As we continued going through toys, I was amazed to see my kids move things from keep to giveaway. They needed time to let go and they had the modeling of the kids who weren’t as attached to toys. If you have just one child, you can do this with them. Put the items on the giveaway blanket that you think should go and let your child put it on keep. Once it’s on keep, let it be your child’s decision to let it go. Another time it may be an easy choice but it isn’t now.
Yet another option is to have your child sort items to a maybe blanket. Those items can be boxed up and kept. If your child asks for an item within a certain time frame, retrieve it. Otherwise, let them go without mentioning it to your child.
Conclusion
If you make the simple decisions about what to declutter, use an organizing plan your way, and you get help from friends, family, or a professional, you’ll be organizing the easy way. I hope you’ll let me know how it goes.
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