The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast

Latest Episodes:

How To Cope With The Stress Of Your Breakup Jul 28, 2020

Show notes

It is said that the three most stressful events of your life will be, The death of a love one A divorce of breakup from a loved one Moving One look at our private facebook support group will show you how stressful breakups can be, Luckily for you, I’ve went out and found an expert on dealing with stress. Her name is Olivia Reiman from SimplyOli.com and today she’s going to tell you the best way to cope with the stress of a breakup including, Anxiety Depression Traumatic experiences (like breakups) What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Take the quiz How To Cope With Your Breakup Chris Seiter:Let’s rock and roll. Okay, today we’re going to be speaking to a really special guest. Let’s start over. Olivia Reiman:That’s all good. Actually, I do have a question. Are you recording video too? Chris Seiter:Yeah, I am. Olivia Reiman:Okay, okay. Chris Seiter:Although, if you want, I can literally… I’ve got a video editor who can just scrub it out so that he does… If you don’t want to be on video, that’s fine. Olivia Reiman:No, it’s totally fine. I’ll make sure to only pick my nose like a few times. It’s fine. Chris Seiter:Okay, all right. Chris Seiter:Okay, so today we’re going to be talking to Olivia Reiman, who is a really special guest who’s going to be talking to us about basically overcoming depression and helping align your mind right during a breakup. How are you doing, Olivia? Olivia Reiman:I’m doing wonderful. Thank you so much for having me on. I really appreciate it. Chris Seiter:Yeah, so why don’t you kind of tell us a little bit about your backstory, and then maybe we can just sort of organically get into what I’m seeing with my clients and maybe how you can help them. Olivia Reiman:Yeah, of course, of course. My name’s Olivia Reiman. I’m a mental health coach and author. Basically, my story is kind of… It’s been a wild ride. The first seven or eight years of my life is completely repressed. I don’t remember any of it. At age 13- Chris Seiter:Seven years? Olivia Reiman:Seven years all gone, which is- Chris Seiter:You don’t remember it? Olivia Reiman:No. Chris Seiter:Well, I don’t remember anything past three, but I remember what it was like when I was… Wow, okay. Olivia Reiman:Yeah, yeah. Emotional trauma. Chris Seiter:Right, right. Olivia Reiman:But yeah, so I don’t remember that. And then basically at age 13, I was diagnosed with bipolar. I was also dealing with depression and anxiety, what I like to call the bad. They tried the meds and therapy route with me. It wasn’t working. Olivia Reiman:So of course, I tried to make myself happier, fix myself with alcohol, drugs, sugar. Just trying to do anything to change my mood. Also, trying to find myself or the thing that would fix me in relationships was a huge part of what I was experiencing. Olivia Reiman:After a while and after many unhealthy relationships, then I decided enough was enough. Meds and therapy weren’t working. I had heard voices when I was younger. I was prescribed antipsychotics. I had tried to end my life multiple times. It was just not the prettiest way to start remembering your life, if you will. Olivia Reiman:I finally just decided I’m done. I’ve had enough of this. I don’t care if anybody tells me that this isn’t possible to overcome, especially with bipolar disorder. I was determined to be happier, be freer. Olivia Reiman:I spent almost 10 years just struggling, and then I spent the next 10 years almost figuring out how to beat it through my own means. And I did it, and I don’t live with any of those anymore. I’m happily married. I got two babies. Life’s just been very wonderful. Olivia Reiman:So now what I do is really try to teach people one, how to break free from any mental illnesses that they might be struggling with, because I know firsthand how much that just holds you back from being who you want to be. I also help people reconnect with themselves and live confidently and really empowered as who they choose to be in as who they are. Yeah. Chris Seiter:That’s pretty amazing, first off. What I’m dealing with a lot of people, they’re going through breakups, which is a really dark time in their lives. Because so many of them are just so wrapped up in this one person and oftentimes, they want to get that one person back. What we’re finding, especially when we actually talk to people who succeed in getting an ex back or even just succeed in moving on from the ex, it starts within. But most people don’t really get how you can sort of like cope with some of that struggle. The internal voices and everything that are happening within. Chris Seiter:So I’m wondering what kind of framework did you end up coming up with in this… Basically, you said that there was this period of your life, 10 years, where you really struggled, and then you spent the next 10 years basically coming up with a framework that worked for you. What worked for you? Olivia Reiman:For me the framework, and it was a lot of trial and error, it was a lot of figuring things out. But what I ended up finding and what I actually teach in my program, Beat the B.A.D., is the achiever method. Olivia Reiman:First, we focus on action. How do you step in? Right? How do you start to make a change with the things that have become habitual? Even with those thoughts of… Just repeating thoughts, especially if a relationship ends, right? Olivia Reiman:The second part is communication. So communicating with yourself, but also with other people, and being able to do that in a really constructive way that’s helpful and helps you grow. Olivia Reiman:Then I focus on headspace, positive perspective, shifting the way that you’re seeing situations. I know I’ve done that a ton with past relationships, especially because my last one before my marriage was a mentally and verbally- Chris Seiter:Abusive? Olivia Reiman:… abusive relationship. Yeah. So kind of shifting how I see that, and gaining value from it. Chris Seiter:That’s interesting. I often talk about this concept of a paradigm shift and how you need to look at things differently. But I have yet to find… When you talk to someone, sometimes you can see the light bulb moment go off for them, and finally it clicks. When you’re talking to people who are struggling with creating this kind of a paradigm shift with how they’re looking at the situation, what are some of the methods you’re using to help them achieve that? Olivia Reiman:Yeah. I mean, I think a lot of times, we can get really focused on what was awful, what was going wrong. Or even the complete opposite of like, “What was the best parts about it?” Olivia Reiman:So what I like to encourage people to do is especially when you’re reflecting back in those moments is where can you pull value? What lessons have you learned? How can you actually gain knowledge from this that’s going to empower you moving forward? And even especially with past relationships, it’s like, “What didn’t you like?” That’s valuable knowledge. What wasn’t working well? That’s valuable knowledge. Olivia Reiman:Because I think when we are in that moment, we see it as a complete loss if a relationship ends. We see what we lost and we see what we’re lacking, right? Chris Seiter:Mm-hmm (affirmative). Olivia Reiman:When you go in and dig for that knowledge and that insight, and what you think worked well, and what you think didn’t work well, what you preferred, what were your preferences? Those kinds of things. We actually start to gain something back. So we feel like we’re actually walking away with something rather than walking away from losing something. Chris Seiter:When I have someone coming to me and they’re just super distraught over the breakup, and oftentimes I’ll tell them to do this work like, “Hey, you need to actually start focusing on yourself.” But they have this consistent sort of trend of not doing that. They kind of fall back into thinking so much about their ex. What are they up to? Why are they doing this? Are they dating someone new? Chris Seiter:Do you have any coping methods that I can give someone who maybe is focusing a little too much on outward stuff as opposed to inward stuff? Olivia Reiman:Yeah. I think when we focus on outward stuff like that, it takes our power away, right? We feel out of control. Our mood is then determined by what that person is doing or what they’re not doing. So I think when it comes to doing that internal work, it’s about asking yourself like, “How can I make myself feel good right now? How can I do something that would help me grow right now?” And knowing that when you focus internally, it really… What’s the word I’m looking for? It takes the attention away from what you actually can’t control, and gives it to what you can control, which is you. Olivia Reiman:Those thoughts are probably going to linger. They’re probably still going to be floating up there. I think the problem… Not the problem, but the thing that a lot of people do is they immediately try to get rid of the thoughts. So they’ll try to distract themselves or beat themselves up for even thinking about the other person. It’s habitual. If you were in a relationship with that person, you’re going to think about them. That’s your brain’s natural response is to go back to what it knows. Olivia Reiman:Sorry, that was a really loud truck. Chris Seiter:Don’t worry. Olivia Reiman:What’s so important is like I said, focusing on what you can control, but also… Oh man, that truck distracted me. We were talking about- Chris Seiter:It’s okay. It’s all right. Olivia Reiman:I was talking about… The thoughts. Chris Seiter:Sort of the habitual habits people have. Olivia Reiman:Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, so you have those habits, you have those thoughts and so allow them to be there. They don’t have to mean anything. It’s just an automatic pattern that’s happening in your brain. It’s not you intentionally dwelling on it. It’s just your brain automatically doing it. Olivia Reiman:So you can kind of follow that up… I like to do what I call positive chasers. If you go, “I wonder what they’re doing. I wonder if they’re with somebody right now,” you could literally flip it and be like, “Well, what am I doing right now? Could I be doing something fun right now?” You can flip it back towards yourself. What it does, it trains your brain to refocus your attention away from them and towards yourself. Chris Seiter:I’ve recommended something similar in the past, which is kind of like catching yourself in those moments and trying to reframe it. Which essentially, I think that’s what you’re talking about. Chris Seiter:But what’s interesting is what I’m finding is people will do that at first and maybe they’ll change that mindset at first, but then they kind of just get back into their old habits. So what about someone who is trying to do what you’re saying, but doesn’t have an easy time of sticking to it? Is there some way or advice you have to someone to get them to stick to it? Do you need to give them some sort of like, I don’t know, consequence if they don’t stick to it? Because sometimes I find… Chris Seiter:There’s this really interesting website. I don’t know if you’ve ever heard about it. But it allows you to basically put money up, and if you pay this- Olivia Reiman:Yeah. Chris Seiter:Have you heard of that? Olivia Reiman:Yes. Chris Seiter:You pay the website the money, and then if you don’t hit the goal, your money’s gone. I found that actually works. Olivia Reiman:Yeah, I’ve heard of that. I haven’t used it personally, but I have heard of it. Chris Seiter:I haven’t used it either, but I’ve read a bunch of stuff on it. I don’t know, it’s a really interesting idea. But I’m just wondering what have you seen work to get people to stick to it? Olivia Reiman:I mean, one, I think that’s accountability. The whole system of that is accountability. There’s multiple ways you can go about that. You can go to somebody else for support. I mean, that one’s a little trickier, just because you have to call yourself out- Chris Seiter:Yeah, I know. Olivia Reiman:… and be like, “Okay, I’m thinking about this person again.” Which honestly, a friend of mine does that with me. Find somebody who’s going to be honest and real with you. Because she’s like, “You won’t just let me sit in my pity party, will you.” I was like, “No, because I know you don’t want to.” Chris Seiter:How does your friend hold you accountable, or how do you hold your friend accountable in that case? Olivia Reiman:I mean, in that sense, she’ll bring some things up that it’s been dwelling, and I’ll give her… Again, another truck. I’ll give her another perspective to take or I’ll reflect something back to her. Not tell her that she’s wrong. Hearing her out, empathizing. But at the same time, being like, “Hey, you’ve already told me you don’t want to do this.” And yeah, helping her in that respect. Olivia Reiman:But if you don’t have that person, I think what’s helpful, and I can’t speak for everybody on this, but I think a lot of times when we get out of that practice, we know we’ve gotten out of the practice. We’re not just completely oblivious to it, but we’re like, “Well, either clearly it didn’t work, so I’m not going to keep at it, because I’m back here,” right? Or it’s like, “Well, I’m too far gone now. What’s the point?” Olivia Reiman:So I think it is just a matter of reminding ourselves like, “Hey, I can get back into this.” It’s like working out, right? If you work out for a bit, you feel great. And then all of a sudden, you’re like, “I haven’t worked out for a week.” There’s no too late when it comes to catching a habit that you’re trying to instill that you’ve maybe fallen off the wagon with. It’s never too late. Even when it comes to your thinking or your mentality and those practices. Chris Seiter:What I personally see is when people go through breakups, I find there’s kind of like two types of people. There’s the people who are super action-oriented. They’re like, “I want to get stuff done.” And they can have kind of struggles, which I think is kind of what we’re talking about. And then you’ve got the people who just let it break them and they become super depressed, and they’re very upset. Chris Seiter:What do you do with people like that? How can you get someone out of their depression where they’re lingering so much on this other person and how bad they’re feeling? What are some coping things that they can do? Olivia Reiman:Again, it comes right back to action, that first piece of the framework I was talking about. I mean, it’s literally how I help people get out of depression when they’re bedridden and they can’t get up or they can’t leave their house because their anxiety is so bad. It’s taking a very little step, right? For me, it actually started with making my bed. Because I would maybe start- Chris Seiter:Wow. Olivia Reiman:Yeah, I- Chris Seiter:So that’s like the first little small task that kind of leads momentum? Olivia Reiman:Yes. That’s the whole intention behind it. So for me, I would get depressed in the middle of making my bed. Normally, I would just lay back down in it and I was like, “Okay, I’m done.” But I re- Chris Seiter:What are some of the thoughts you have as you’re making your bed and become more depressed? What are some of the things that you think? Is it like one singular thought that kind of leads you down the rabbit hole? Or is it just there’s this cause and effect to it where you think one thought, and then the next thought’s worse, then the next thought’s worse, and it just kind of goes? For you personally, what was that as you’re making your bed? Olivia Reiman:I don’t think it was as much thoughts, which I know is the case for plenty of people. For me, it was the habit of being sad. I was in the habit of being sad, and- Chris Seiter:Okay. So you’re just so used to it. I think- Olivia Reiman:Mm-hmm (affirmative). So I would just all of a sudden start to cry. My big thing was I was like, “I don’t know why…

Full show notes at the publisher

How One Woman Got Her On Again/Off Again Ex Boyfriend Back Jul 10, 2020

Show notes

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of interviewing Laura, a woman who is a member of our flagship course, The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program. Laura ended up successfully getting her ex back. Anyways, she joined me for about an hour and I essentially picked her brain about what she did that worked and what other people are doing that aren’t working. Her insights on mixed signals in particular were earth shattering. But then again, any time we get to talk to a success story they always are. What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Take the quiz How One Woman Got Her On Again/Off Again Ex Boyfriend Back Chris Seiter:Okay, so today we’re going to be talking to a very special success story named Laura, who’s successfully gotten her ex back. What we’re going to do is we’re going to be asking her all kinds of questions about how she did it. So how are you, Laura? Laura:Sorry. What was that? Chris Seiter:How are you doing Laura? Laura:Yes, I’m good thanks. How are you? Chris Seiter:I’m doing great. So, I know nothing about your situation. Why don’t you just kind of give us a little bit of a primer on how the breakup went down and what you had to do to get him back? Laura:Yeah. So, basically, it was last February. I actually broke up with him, which I know a lot of the stories were that people broke up with them. And I was actually split up with him for about three-ish months before I found the program and then I decided to proceed with it and start my no contact. I did the first time- because we hadn’t had any arguments or anything like that like I know some people had previously. It was 21 days that I did, but I think I did like 22 or 23 the first no contact that I did. Then after that, we were doing the texting phase of the program where I’d send him messages and it was just normal texting, really, but using like the… I use the online stuff a lot, so through social media and ask him for help on like how to text in the right way so that I’m still getting responses, but it was always quite positive responses. Laura:We live quite close to each other, so when I was going out I’d see him out and then he’d be asking me if I wanted to meet up and stuff like that whilst we were in the texting phase. We did meet up with him because he was saying, “Is there any chance that we can get back together?” That kind of thing. I’d already at that point, because I was focusing on me and like my trinity and stuff like that and making sure that I was making the most out of my situation at that time. I was planning on going away and I was going traveling over the summer. So although we were in the texting phase, it kind of wasn’t really working out because I had too many plans, so I’d like overdone it almost. Laura:I came back in this September. So it was kind of June-time we were speaking quite a bit and then I went away and then I came back in this September and we’re speaking a bit more then. And then we met up and he said that he didn’t want to proceed with thing and he thinks he should date other people and I just said, “Well, if you want to date over people, that’s fine.” ANd spoke to some of the people on the group at the time and I decided to do another no contact for 21 days, but it ended up actually being 30 days because through that time I had seen him out like three times. So it’s like, ugh. Chris Seiter:So you live close to him, so you just happened to like run into him? Laura:Yeah, he lives like around the corner. So yeah. It was like at pubs and stuff like that. Like when you’re out with your mates and then he’d just turn up. And there was one situation where I was out and we were in a pub and he came up behind me. This is only like a week and a half after we’d had that conversation, so I was in no contact. And he came up behind me and I was with my mates and he slapped my bum in front of all of my friends. And, obviously, I told the people on social media and they’re like, “Oh no, just prolong your no contact for some more days.” So that’s why I did it for the 30 days. Chris Seiter:Had he been drinking or something? Laura:Yeah, I think he was definitely drunk. Chris Seiter:Okay. Laura:So, yeah. Like throughout the no contact as well, he was like contacting me, which didn’t happen in the first no contact. He only contacted me in like the first couple of days. But throughout that whole 30 days, he was contacting me. And I think he thought, I don’t know, “She’s definitely gone now.” Because before I was kind of still hanging on, if you get what I mean. Like I don’t think I’d fully like left the situation, but by the time it had come September and I’d done all this stuff to like make him see me how I was, I guess, previously when we first met. Laura:Then, yeah, I think it got to day 30, so he’d been sending me messages throughout, but I hadn’t responded. Then it got to day 30, and literally on day 30 he was ringing me. So rang me like three or four times, but I was on the way to meet one of my mates, so obviously I didn’t answer, but it was a Saturday as well and that’s off limits. I wasn’t going to answer anyway. And then on Sunday he rang me another three times, I think it was. And then I answered and we had a conversation and he said, “You originally said, ‘come with me.'” And I said, “I can’t meet you, Tim.” So we had a conversation over the phone instead, why I said that he regretted everything and he wanted to sort things out. And then we just kind of dated it after that. Laura:So it was just dating. We dated until kind of December and then I was like thinking, “Oh, things aren’t going to work out,” at that point because it’d been so long that we’d been dating in my head. I think it was the same. Like, I think he was scared about getting back together, but then after New Year we got back together and yeah. It all worked out in the end and things are great now. Chris Seiter:So from what I’m gathering, like originally going back, you’re the one who broke up with him. I’m assuming this happened last year? Laura:Yeah. That’s all right. So it took, like in total, about 10 or 11 months for us to get back together after we broke up- Chris Seiter:So, it seems- Laura:… for three months prior. Sorry, go ahead. Chris Seiter:So it seems to me like you initiated the first breakup? Am I remembering that correctly? And then he initiated another breakup. So it was kind of like this… You said, you got back together in September or something and then broke up again. Laura:No. So, in the September, we were speaking again, but we hadn’t [crosstalk 00:06:08]- Chris Seiter:Okay. I see. So you’re not official. You’re just kind of like talking. Laura:Yeah. Yeah, [inaudible 00:06:14] would just talk and like dating and stuff at that time. But then I think he was going through a lot anyway, like personally. So it just wasn’t the right time for us to be getting back together then. So I think given, given that space that we had like made things a lot better, to what it is now. Chris Seiter:So who’s the one who asked or got to the point where you’re asking like, “Hey, what are we? Are we back together?” Like how did that conversation go down? Where were you? What did he say? What did you say? Laura:We’d had food at his house and I just said like, “Where are we with things?” And he said, “Well, we’re always together, so we might as well just be together.” And then we just, yeah. And then we’re just together. Chris Seiter:That was it, huh? Laura:Yeah, that was it. Chris Seiter:Super easy. It’s almost surprising how simple it works to just like seal the deal, so to speak, in the relationship. Laura:Well, it’s like that when you first meet someone. It’s just different because I’ve never been with someone, broke up with them and then got back together with them. Chris Seiter:So, man, it took you a long time. I mean, we’re talking about almost a year. At any point, did you just sort of think to yourself, “Is this even worth it? Should I just give up?” Were you ever at that point emotionally? Laura:Yeah. It was like kind of in the December. Like I felt like things were good like between us, but when you just like have a sense on this just isn’t going to work out, so let’s just leave nothing. That’s when he realized that he needs to do more for us to kind of get back together. There were other times like throughout where I thought, “Is this really worth like my time and effort?” Like when I was away as well, because I traveled around Asia and I was away and I was still speaking to him I’m like… Some of the time, it was a bit… not negative. What’s the in between? Where just like not really much conversation and felt a bit awkward. So even like you know them because I was with him before I broke up for four years. Like I know him, but it was weird because it felt like we couldn’t speak naturally like at times throughout the process, but then when it was natural, it was really good. And that’s when things are going well, but it was just that in that middle bit, especially. Chris Seiter:So the middle bit, I guess, is what I’m more interested in. It seems like you went into no contact the very first time and it worked pretty well. And he got back in contact and the two of you kind of like were talking back and forth, but what, in your opinion, went wrong to make him sort of scared to not want to commit? Or like what did you think didn’t work about that? Laura:Well, I think, given the fact that obviously I broke up with him, I think that like hurt him a lot. I could tell like it kind of destroyed him a bit and I felt terrible about it. Like when you see like your best mate going through like heartbreak. It’s a bit weird because you’re going through the same thing and that’s what kind of happened prior to finding the program. And then like after my first no contact, we went through that phase of like talking and not talk. And don’t really know what was going through his head at the time, but I could tell like he was not himself around me. Like it took a lot for it to get to that again. That wasn’t until after the second no contact and a bit more dating before we were back to like talking normally, but we didn’t really go on proper dates. It’s like the fast time after the first no contacts, we didn’t have anything like where we went out for a meal or that kind of thing. Whereas after the second, that’s what we were doing. Like when we’re going out, we’re going out properly. Not just like meeting because it’s easy to just meet up when you live around the corner from someone and just go for a walk or something and that’s what we were doing. [crosstalk 00:10:25]. Chris Seiter:You wouldn’t even like go for a walk at all after the first no contact whatsoever? Was it just more like you’re texting and calling each other, but not doing anything else past that point? Laura:Yeah, there was like a week where we were both free. So we met up in that time and then I think he was on holiday, then I was on holiday. So it was like, there was very much we couldn’t really meet up. Like neither of us had the time to do that at that time. And I think that was why it didn’t work the first time because we both just had too many plans. Chris Seiter:Did either of you guys date anyone else in the 10, 11 months it took for you guys to get back together like officially? Laura:I’m pretty sure he was. Well, he has said that he did, so definitely did. I don’t know when. Like I’m not really interested in the detail, but I know they did. And for me I spoke to people, but I didn’t ever go on any dates with anybody else. Chris Seiter:Okay. So throughout this 10 month period, after the first, no contact coming up onto the second no contact. What caused you to make the decision to jump into a second no contact? Laura:I think it was like he was in a bad place where he was losing a family member, unfortunately. And I think it was just like… you know when you sit and have a conversation with someone and they’re like just a bit all over the place and you just know like this isn’t going to work when either one of us is going to be feeling like that. That’s kind of what happens. So, although like I wanted to be there for him, I knew that he didn’t want me to be there for him. Like I phoned and spoke to him and I could just tell like I was like, “I’m so sorry you’re going through that.” And he’s like, “Well, it doesn’t matter.” Like I just know that he didn’t want me there and then he started speaking about dating other people and maybe there was somebody else. And I said, “Well, if that’s what you want to do and that’s what’s going to make you happy, then just go and do that then.” And he kind of said like, “Well, I’ll just end up coming back to you.” And I was like, “Well, you just started going date other people.” It was a bit like, “Well, I can’t change your mind right now, so just go away.” Chris Seiter:So, what I’m kind of curious about now is how effective the second period of no contact was. Because it seems like before you had done the second no contact, you had tried a lot of things, but your schedule and his schedule just wouldn’t overlap to the point where you could see each other in person pretty consistently. So you’re just sort of stuck in this limbo where you can only talk or text over the phone. The second no contact, I think you mentioned that he contacted you quite a bit during it. Is that exactly what happened? And what were some of the contents of the messages? Like what were some of the ways he would try to talk to you during that second period of no contact? Laura:So we’ve always used the social media Snapchat quite a lot. Now, I never opened them until after because I was like, if I open and then he’ll be able to [crosstalk 00:13:36]- Chris Seiter:He’ll know you read it. Laura:It’s not really then no contact, is it? So I never opened them until afterwards. And then when I went through them, they’re just like random things that what he’s doing in the day and stuff like that. And I’d put Snapchat stuff as well, like on my actual story, and he’d like comment on them like, “Oh, can I come out for a walk with you? With your dog?” And stuff like that. But obviously I didn’t open them until after the 30 days, when we’d started speaking again. And then he did send one really long message and it was kind of middle of no contact, so like day 15 sort of time, saying like just out of the blue, just like saying that he doesn’t know where he’s at in his head and that type of thing. I can’t remember the whole message to be honest, but it was like an emotional sort of message, but nothing saying, “I want to get back with you.” And it was very much so borderline because all the way through, it was like, “I don’t know what I want,” sort of thing until we did know what he wanted. Chris Seiter:So you guys eventually get back together, but going to that point, how many months did it take before you get out of that second no contact to the point where you’re actually back together? Like how long were you talking to him, seeing him in person, or was it what’s it like a pretty quick like race to the finish? Laura:It’s about three and a half months. Three, three and a half months until we got back together. Chris Seiter:And how often were you guys talking on the phone to each other or texting each other and seeing each other in person? Was it like an everyday occurrence? Laura:No. So to start with, it was kind of like once every two to one week sort of thing, but then we were speaking in between by messages and I’d call him. And then it just kind of got closer together and then by Christmas we were seeing each of the like every couple of days sort of thing. And then- Chris Seiter:So, you’re saying you’re- Laura:.. it was pretty much not just after New Year, really, that we got back together. Chris Seiter:So for you, you think seeing each other pretty much every single or every couple of days is really what spurred it on to get that sort of relationship back on track? La…

Full show notes at the publisher

Ashley And Jared From The Bachelor Tell Me The Key To Making Someone Who Isn’t Interested In You Actually Fall In Love With You Jun 30, 2020

Show notes

A few weeks ago I had the pleasure of talking to Jared Haibon and Ashely Laconetti from The Bachelor about the key to their success. In case you didn’t know, Ashley had a pretty interesting rep on the bachelor as the “crying girl.” What’s pretty interesting about her is that from the get go she fell for Jared Haibon but he didn’t exactly return her feelings. At one point he even told her that there was no chance that the two of them would ever become a couple. Well, let’s fast forward to present day and… So, how the heck did that happen? How did she take a guy who had no interest in her at all and actually get him to marry her? Well, today that’s what we are going to explore as they were kind enough to come on to the podcast and give me an interview. Check Out Jared And Ashley’s Podcasts Ashley’s “Almost Famous” Podcast Jareds Help! I Suck At Dating Podcast Interview Transcript Chris Seiter:Okay. So today we’re going to be talking to some pretty interesting individuals. And I don’t know if I told you guys this, but I don’t watch The Bachelor, or The Bachelor in Paradise, or anything very much. I think I maybe watched it once or twice when I was growing up, just curious. But when we had our daughter, my wife and I, we put her down, which is really important, you get that time together, and we just happened to watch The Bachelor in Paradise, and it happened to be you guys’ seasons. Ashley:Aww, thank you. Chris Seiter:And what’s really interesting is we both watched the whole saga, that whole season. I think that’s, to this day, the only full season we’ve ever watched of The Bachelor in Paradise. And we remember, definitely, you, Ashley. The way they edited you was… I remember thinking this can’t be real. Because the first thing they showed was you getting super emotional. And I always thought, “There’s no way that can be real.” And then I remember you guys meeting, and then I remember you were kind of hesitant to take the date or something, Jared. I don’t remember who had the date card or whatever, but I remember you guys, for whatever reason, just didn’t work out. And then I remember thinking, I told my wife, I said, “There’s no way she’ll ever get him.” Chris Seiter:Flash forward to a couple of years ago, or whenever you guys got together, and I’m scrolling the Yahoo homepage, and I just see your wedding photos. And I’m like, “What? How?” And so, I guess that’s what I want to talk to you guys about today. How did that come about? Because we’re really focused on trying to understand what makes human beings that don’t want you all of a sudden want you again. So could we peel back some layers and try to understand what was it that you were thinking, Jared, as she’s trying to get you? And you’re just like, “No.” What made that 360 turn for you? Ashley:Well, if you want the most articulate explanation of it, we have this video on YouTube. It’s called The Story of Us, and it’s 45 minutes, and it goes through each year. Chris Seiter:How long is this saga? Is it like three or four years that it takes basically getting? Jared:Well, no. It’s not about getting me. I don’t know if that’s the right phrasing. I don’t know if I’m the prize in this one, as Ashley can attest to, being my wife now. I think we met in 2015, and then we got together in March of 2018, I think we started dating. Chris Seiter:Okay. So you started dating. What year was that Bachelor in Paradise season that I’m thinking of? Jared:2015. Chris Seiter:’15. Okay. Jared:We were on Bachelor in Paradise twice. We were on Bachelor in Paradise in 2015, and then we actually went back in 2016. And then we started dating off-camera in early 2018. So it almost took about three years to start dating after the show. So about three years of friendship. Ashley:What they show on the show isn’t always… I mean, it’s part of the story. It’s just not the entire story. You don’t get every detail. Chris Seiter:So what happened in that time? Because I remember the way… So that’s what I don’t know. I was just a normal viewer. You don’t see what’s going on behind the scenes, and I’m sure 90% of what happens is behind the scenes. They’re just editing it in a way to make it as drama-filled as possible, right? Jared:Was that me? Ashley:Yeah, that was you. Jared:Yeah. I mean, they… Listen, they’re a television show, of course. So they’re going to try to make the best TV show, and the way to do that is to create as much drama as possible. But everything that happens within the show is real. It’s your emotions, it’s your reaction to things. And so, I think the thing about Bachelor is that it’s very condensed. It’s a very shortened period of time, where everything happens on speed dial. And I don’t really know if that’s conducive, at least for myself, and I could probably speak on Ashley as well. I think because we both are in our own heads a lot, specifically me, it takes a longer amount of time for me to really be OK to pursue things. And so, I think what happened was it was just… It’s very convoluted and complicated, but I think when I first met Ashley, I just wasn’t really in the best spot to date someone else, especially someone like Ashley, who’s the complete opposite of somebody I’ve ever dated in the past. Jared:Somebody who’s, like you said, very emotional, very honest, very transparent, very persistent. All wonderful qualities, but I don’t think at that time I was ready. And then I think I started developing feelings a few months after the show, when we started hanging out. I got to see her in her element on the East Coast, we were hanging out, watching football games because we had a charity event together. And seeing her dynamic with her family, and it just made me more and more attracted to Ashley. It’s hard to put myself back into the place of why we didn’t start dating back then, but I think it just got to a point where it became so confusing and complicated, that it was so complicated, it was difficult to start dating. Jared:And then I think we got in this lull of like a year and a half of true, just only friendship, and she wasn’t dating anybody and I wasn’t dating anybody. And so, I think, at least from my end, it just became this comfort thing, where it was like, “Well, things are really good right now. We talk almost every day. We hang out all the time.” So it’s kind of like we’re dating, but we’re not dating, because we’re not boyfriend/girlfriend, and we go on dates with other people, and we’re not romantic with each other. And then of course, she started dating someone else, and then I had to look in the mirror and reevaluate my values and what I was doing with my life and what I wanted to go for. And that’s what I did, and luckily, she still had feelings for me too. Ashley:I used to tell people that he was my boyfriend who didn’t touch me. People will say like, “How long were you together before you got married?” And the answer is technically a year and a half, but we pretty much say we were together for four years. Jared:Well, we don’t say that. Ashley:We don’t really say that. But it’s like, “Too soon.” Jared:Because it wouldn’t be true. Ashley:No. But we knew each other the way a couple would know each other for four years. Jared:Yeah. We were best friends. Chris Seiter:So you attribute the feelings to getting cropped backed up based on you getting off the show and just being together for a long time, and just opening up and talking about things that normal friends wouldn’t talk about? So there was an extra layer to your relationship? Ashley:Well, I think with Jared, a lot of his confusion and stuff was that he didn’t want to look, on TV, like he was confused. So he acted as if he was sure he didn’t want me, because he honestly thought that would probably look better on TV. Chris Seiter:It seems like they really try to push you fast to make a decision on the person, right? That show, in particular. Jared:Well, of course, because you only have… Bachelor in Paradise films for like 25 days. So it’s like, you’ve got to make decisions fast in that environment. And so, it wasn’t even so much a TV aspect for me. I’ve realized that I just do that in everyday life, where I try to put this persona on of me putting up this image in the world that I know exactly what I’m doing, and I know what I’m going for, and I have things together, which is the complete opposite of what is actually going on. But luckily, especially after being with Ashley, I’ve started tearing away at that facade, and being more honest with people, and vulnerable, and telling people, “Don’t listen to me. We’re all just learning every day.” Chris Seiter:So Ashley, I remember you just being obsessed with him from moment one. Did that go away at all for you, especially when things didn’t work out on the show, or were there always underlying feelings there, as your friendship was going on? Ashley:For the most part, the feelings were always there. There was times where it would be lessened, but that was honestly, usually because of times where he would be acting dumb, or he’d be pushing me away, and then I’d be like, “Oh, okay. Fine. I’m done with this.” Chris Seiter:So you basically do, “I don’t care anymore.” And then just come back to it later, when you catch the feelings again? Ashley:Yeah. Chris Seiter:That’s interesting. So in preparation for the interview, because I only knew what I knew based on the season I had watched, I was watching some YouTube videos. And you guys have a real interesting proposal story, but it’s also kind of awkward in a weird way, because it looks like one of your exes was there to watch this proposal? Ashley:Yeah. Chris Seiter:Was that ever a weird vibe to have with a proposal? Because it seems to me like no one knew what was going on, except maybe Jared. And then they push you over and the host is like, “Hey, let’s come watch.” Is that ever a weird feeling? Do you ever look back on that? Because I also saw you have some really amazing wedding videos and you have a really amazing wedding just to begin with. But do you feel like that was kind of a weird situation to be put in? Ashley:Well, the televised aspect of our engagement was definitely flawed. Jared:Yeah. So I was talking to producers about possibly going down and proposing to Ashley, and I never even thought that they would try to make it awkward, just because it’s a proposal, they’re not going to really do anything with it to ruin the moment. But then, of course, the night bef… We fly down there and I have this plan thing. And then I was talking to a producer beforehand, and I said, “Listen, if her ex is still down there…” Because you don’t truly know if somebody is still down there or not while they’re filming. They don’t tell you. And I was like, “Listen, if he’s just down there, please just have him go into an interview, or have him go on a date with someone. Just make sure he’s just not there, so it’s not awkward at all.” Jared:And they couldn’t promise me that, but they said it wasn’t going to be awkward. Like, “Listen. You’re going to go. You’re going to see Harrison. He’s going to introduce you in front of the group. We promised that…” His name was his name is Kevin. “That he was going to be in the back of the crowd. And then you guys would go off and do your own thing. And that would be it, and it wouldn’t be awkward at all.” And so I said, “Okay, that’s fine.” Well, I didn’t say it was fine, but it was either do that or just cancel the proposal. So it was like, “Okay. Well, shit.” Chris Seiter:Yeah. You have to go forward with it. Jared:Yeah. I mean, it was 12 hours away. Ashley:I obviously didn’t know I was going to get proposed to. I had an inkling there was a chance, but I knew that even being down in paradise, that they would add that annoyance to the storyline. Because they’d be like, “Oh no. We can’t have a pure storyline just celebrating Ashley and Jared at this moment.” So I was a little concerned, and I actually can’t believe that Jared was so naive to the fact that they would do something like that. Chris Seiter:Well he’s in love. He wants to marry you. Jared:Yeah. And the reason, too… So one of my buddies, his name is Tanner. He and Jade got engaged on Bachelor in Paradise, our first season, and they had a televised wedding. And Tanner was telling me a story about how he didn’t want her ex there, the former bachelor. Obviously it’s very different now. We’re all friends. But at the time, there’s still that awkwardness. And they were like, “Well, listen. He’s coming. He’s going to be there.” And they promised him it wouldn’t be awkward, and it wasn’t awkward at all. So I was like, “All right, it’ll probably be the same thing with me.” But then of course, lo and behold, we’re watching the engagement back, and Harrison invites everybody, including her ex boyfriend, to come watch the freaking engagement. It’s like, “Come on, guys.” Ashley:Yeah. In real life, it wasn’t as awkward- Chris Seiter:As it looks on TV. Ashley:Yeah. But then they absolutely played with it. Jared:But honestly, it’s fine. It was still a memorable moment. It sucks, because I would change some things, of course, because I wouldn’t want to do it in front of anybody. But I’m certainly over that, and we had such a spectacular and incredible wedding that it was honestly the best day of my life. Ashley:Yeah. I don’t think about the proposal the way that it was on TV anymore. I think we did for a while. But now, the only time that I’ll think about the annoyance around it is when somebody brings it up like that. Chris Seiter:Oh, okay. I’ll stay away from it. What I’m actually curious about… So, you guys start dating. At what point did you realize you knew you wanted to marry her, Jared? Jared:Like I said, we were best friends for three and a half years. Ashley:We kind of went from not dating to being married. Jared:We knew that once we started… Because we knew each other so well, and there was a little bit of a romantic background with us. And honestly, it is true that because we were best friends, we knew each other so well, that the only missing part of our relationship was the romantic part. So once we started dating for a month, two months, and it was so easy, the romance felt so right, it was like, “Okay, this is obvious. I want to…” They always tell you, “Marry your best friend.” And then, here she is right now. So I knew very early on, and I think Ashley did too, that we weren’t dating just to date and have fun. We were going to date and figure out this was a lifelong partnership. Chris Seiter:What was it about Ashley that… I’m sure you’ve had friends that were girls before, but Ashley just seemed to stand out from the rest. You’ve mentioned she’s your best friend, so what was it about her that got you to open up? Jared:Ashley pushes me to be a better person. She pushes me to open up. Because I do have a lot of friends that are girls, but not romantically, obviously. Just friendship. The thing is, my friends that are girls are also not interested in me romantically. So with Ashley and I, there was a mutual want for romance there. But Ashley just pushes me to be a better person. She knows how to handle me better than anybody in this world. So those are some factors. Chris Seiter:What about you, Ashley? What was it about Jared? Because it seemed like there was instant attraction from the moment you saw him, and it doesn’t seem like it ever went away. Ashley:I don’t know. It was really love at first sight. It was weird, because it was even before Jared spoke. So that’s just indescribable. I can’t even put to words what that phenomenon is. But with Jared, I just have always admired his passion, the way that he gets so excited about certain things. And I had never seen that in a guy before, a guy that I was attracted to. And there’s just some sort of understanding that we have between the two of us. This is weird to describe, but it’s kind of like my sister, where I don’t really have to explain how I feel about somet…

Full show notes at the publisher

Success Story: How She Got Her Ex Back When He Moved In With The Other Woman Jun 23, 2020

Show notes

Lately I’ve been doing this thing where I’m taking time out of my busy schedule to interview as many success stories as possible. You see, I’m a big believer in never being satisfied and always trying to get to the bottom of what the truth is. I’m not silly enough to believe that “getting an ex back” can ever be an exact science but I will say that the more I learn the more I become convinced that there are ways that my program can improve. Enter Bethany! Bethany has been trying to get her ex back for over three years. She’s had to weather some of the most difficult scenarios you could imagine. Her ex leaving her when she was pregnant Her ex moving in with another woman Her ex constantly arguing with her You get the picture And yet despite all that hardship she persevered and now has her ex back. Watch and listen to our in-depth interview and learn. How She Got Her Ex Back When He Moved On To Someone Else Chris Seiter:Okay. So today we’re going to be talking to a success story. This is Bethany who has a real interesting story. Man, she’s been in the group for a long time. So Bethany is one of the very few people who kind of stuck with the entire program and it took a while to get her ex back. So anyways, what we’re going to be doing today is asking her all sorts of questions to figure out what she did that worked and what she did that didn’t work, so we can help people listening to this. But how are you doing Bethany? Bethany:I’m great. Thanks. I’m doing great, Chris. Chris Seiter:Okay. So don’t you give us like an overview of your situation from start to finish. Floor is yours. Bethany:Okay. I had a year and a half relationship with my ex and we broke up. I was seven months pregnant so that was a very difficult situation. And I know you talk about, in the program, that that’s kind of a special situation. It was a committed relationship. We were living together. It was a planned pregnancy. It’s just, we were talking about engagement and then all of a sudden he said he wasn’t happy and we broke up. So since then, it’s been three years, just over three years, and because of the fact that we ended up having a child, we ended up having periods of time where we were able to be in close contact or almost had to be. And then there were times where I personally had to separate myself. I needed that space and I needed that distance. Bethany:So there were times when I wasn’t actively doing the program, but I was doing kind of like the moving on without moving on, or even an indefinite no contact. I had a period of time when I had to do that. So basically my story touches on all the bases because I had an OW, he left me to immediately go back to his ex who he had a child with, like previous to our relationship. So this was his previous exactly. And then- Chris Seiter:I’m laughing because, Bethany is always … So I would do these Facebook Lives in the group and she’d always show up to the Facebook Lives. So she’s got the purple hair and I’d be like, “Okay, there’s Bethany.” And I’d always know because of the purple hair “Okay, she’s got the other woman, she’s pregnant.” So, and it was just funny. Trip down memory lane. Bethany:And that’s the thing is that my situation, and I actually, last year I had a woopsie moment where I became intimate with my ex and I broke the value chain. So my situation literally touches on all the things. My ex didn’t contact me during the no contact period. I did a full 30 days. He didn’t contact me immediately. I did that no contact because I didn’t know about the program for almost a month. And when I found it, I had almost completed that no contact and I stuck with it. Because, for me, I have pride. I’m a very prideful person. When someone leaves me when I’m pregnant, yes, I [inaudible 00:02:57] him, I texted him, I begged, I did all those things, but I ended up coming around and sticking with that 30 days. Bethany:And he didn’t reach out. He didn’t reach out at all. And he said it was because he respected that he thought I wanted space. He knew I wanted to be alone and kind of deal with what I was dealing with. And we’ve spoken about all those things since. And he said like, “I struggled. Like I had a hard time. Like I missed you. I missed our life, our day to day.” But those are things that, when people in the group bring them up, I want to give them that reassurance that I’m standing here right now and that can be the case where those things happen and things go not the way you want them to. There’s an OW. And Chris, you immediately go, ” [inaudible 00:03:49]” That’s your knee jerk reaction. Like, “Oh, boy.” Bethany:And then if it’s someone that they have a child with and a history with, it’s like, “Oh my God, what do you do with this?” And I think the only reason that I stuck with the program the entire time is that it wasn’t a bad thing. It was literally the best thing that happened to me. I was in shock when the breakup occurred. I was pregnant and going through something that I think a lot of people would, not pregnant, be overwhelmed with. And your program gave me hope. It gave me motivation that there was a path ahead of me. Working with Anna doing coaching, which I did in 2018. I wasn’t ready for it then. I was still basically getting out of shock of the relationship breaking up and my new life and what it meant to be a single mom. Bethany:But I’ve since gone back and looked at her materials and I use them constantly. Your Live in February, I think it was, of 2018, I have rewatched that over and over and over again. It is the one about how to get your ex back, what attracts them, how to make them fall in love again, that Live I have shared- Chris Seiter:Is that the one with the 11 fact- Bethany:Yeah. The 11. Yes. Chris Seiter:Right, yeah. Okay. Bethany:Yes. And that is the number one thing I recommend to all my battle buddies, everybody in the group, all the new joining people. Like watching that Live, you can literally go, point by point, and go down the list and say, “This was lacking. This is still lacking. This is there, but it’s not a hundred percent there.” You can come up with the roadmap that Anna gave me, and that together gave me the blueprint. That was what I needed. I needed to literally use my social media, my sphere of influence that always worked in my favor, because his family loved me from day one- Chris Seiter:Plus you have a child together with him. Bethany:Yeah, exactly. Chris Seiter:That can kind of help as well, in that regard. Bethany:Oh, definitely. But you use those things to your favor and your advantage, and you use those 11. And basically like they’re putty in your hands and you know it. And your wife, Jen, she was instrumental in just giving me confidence and helping me realize that you can be a mom and you can be beautiful and you can be ambitious and you can be desirable and you can be so ungettable that you’re setting a standard for how everyone else will look at being a mom. And they almost like want to be a mom because they see how impressive you’re making it look. That’s what Jen models and teaches. Like she literally emulates that in everything that she does. Like being a mom can be cool. Being a mom can be awesome. Being a mom doesn’t limit you, it actually makes you amazing because you’re super, you’re literally super, no matter what you do. Chris Seiter:Okay, man, there’s a lot to unpack here. Bethanhy is like one of my favorites ever. I want to go back to where he breaks up with you. Did you ever, because it’s been a long time since, I mean it’s been almost like three years, right? Bethany:It feels like yesterday. It’s been over three years, yes. It was March 31st, 2017. And I remember the next day it was April Fool’s Day and I was like, “Why do I need an April Fool’s Day? My life is a joke.” Chris Seiter:Yeah, right. The breakup happened on the wrong day, you know? Bethany:Exactly. Chris Seiter:So was it just like an out of the blue type thing? How did he have the conversation? Did he just leave? Bethany:No, no. I wish I had had the program. I wish I had known, this is another component I can add to it, I have bipolar disorder. So there were mental health issues on my side. He had become depressed dealing with me and my pregnancy and the volatility of my moods. It was the middle of winter, the winter that never ended it felt like. And I think he gave me a heads up about six weeks ahead of time. He said to me, “I’m not happy.” Chris Seiter:So he pre-warned you and what did you do with that? Bethany:I said the worst possible things. Oh, I was ridiculous. I was hysterical. I was emotional. I came up with all kinds of crazy threats and I did exactly, like if I had had the program then, this wouldn’t have even happened. I came up with all kinds of crazy threats and ultimatums, and I said to him, “What are you going to do go back to your ex and be a fake ass family with her?” Chris Seiter:And he actually did it. Bethany:He did it. I gave him the blueprint and he just followed through with it. Chris Seiter:Yeah. But I bet you probably beat yourself up over that for- Bethany:Daily. Daily. Yeah. Chris Seiter:Okay. So you think it’s because of the emotional issues that because of the bipolar disorder and the pregnancy on top of that, making the mood swings potentially more volatile, that sort of- Bethany:Yes. Chris Seiter:Do you think- Bethany:I had a lot of stress at work and I had taken on a new job because I was trying to kind of be ambitious, and it was just too much to take on. And I had morning sickness for about the seven months of my son’s pregnancy. Chris Seiter:That sounds like Jen. Bethany:The first two months I was okay, but the rest of it I was violently ill every single day. If I sat up, I was sick. If I laid down, I was okay, but that’s no life so it was rough. Chris Seiter:No. And you’re going through it for such a long period of time, nine months. But for you, it was seven months. But at a certain point it probably feels like it won’t ever end. Bethany:The day that I gave birth to my son, because it didn’t happen for two months. The day I gave birth to my son was the last morning I woke up, and it was every morning for the last seven months of this pregnancy, and I woke up and I had him that night, and I remember I woke up the next morning and I was like, “why am I not sick?” It was the first time in seven months. Chris Seiter:You’d gotten so used to it. Bethany:I just got used to just being violently ill every single morning and just dealing with it. Chris Seiter:So he ends up going back. He ends up getting another woman. Was that like an instant type thing or did that- Bethany:Yeah. Chris Seiter:So it was like instant, like next day you notice he’s with the other girl. Did he move in with the other girl? Bethany:Again, like I said, I disappeared. Like I didn’t reach out to him afterwards. Like I begged at first and then I just disappeared because I have pride. So he disappeared and so did I. Like I didn’t reach out, I didn’t try to entertain where he was going, I was just over it. And I pretty much was like, “You do you, I’ll do me.” And I did those 30 days. And then I started to reach out about information about the baby. And the only way I found out about the OW, definitively, was at the hospital giving birth to my son, when I was being induced. I invited him and I said to him, “You can come and be as involved as you want. And for the rest of his life, you can be as involved as you want. But I need you to be honest with me right now and tell me where you are and what you’re doing, because I’m not going to stand next to a stranger while I’m giving birth to my son.” And he did, he told me the situation and I said, “Okay.” I respected that. I already knew that, like I figured that was what was going on. So at that point we just moved forward as co-parents. Chris Seiter:So before the breakup actually occurred, I’m just wondering his mentality of what … because I feel like maybe the mood swings and everything kind of set them off. Do you think there was ever like a crushing of like, “Oh man, this is getting too serious. We’re moved in together, she’s about to give birth to this baby.” Because I know when Jen was pregnant, it kind of freaked me out a little bit and I was married to her and that was a planned thing too. Bethany:Yeah. And that’s the thing is that like he has a previous child with the OW but that was not a planned situation. That was more a they were broken up and she wanted to- Chris Seiter:So he can maybe even associate that with like stress. Because I remember, like we plan to have my daughter, but I remember like the first month where you’re not getting any sleep and you’re like, our daughter had some sort of like lip tie issue where she would spit up all the time and it was just like- Bethany:My son did too, yeah. Chris Seiter:It was just like, “Oh my God, what did I do?” Bethany:It’s rough. Chris Seiter:But you love them so much. So I’m wondering if he equates that to the stress of maybe that incoming thing and he’s maybe looking for like an excuse to get out. Do you think there was that? Bethany:It’s very possible? I’m a very pushy person, he’s used the word, I think nicely, intimidating. I’m a bully. I’m basically a bully. And he was along for the ride. Like he was willing to accommodate me and do what I needed and wanted the entire relationship. Right after I met him, I broke my foot and I was on bed rest basically for like a month because I couldn’t walk for three months because I had surgery. So basically he took care of me for the first half of our relationship. And that dynamic never really changed. Like he just did everything for me. And I think it just got to be too much for him. And towards the end of our relationship, he told me that he just didn’t feel like comfortable around me. He felt like every time I like made a comment about things, like a rude, nasty comment, that he was scared of how I was reacting. And I said to him one day, “I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around you.” Because I tried to be better, I tried to not say things. And later on he would tell me that that was the reason he left, is because he didn’t want me to feel like I had to walk on eggshells. He didn’t want me to feel I couldn’t be myself around him because that’s how he felt. So he was just like, “We’re both breaking it. It’s done” Chris Seiter:It’s interesting. Your breakup’s really kind of complex if you think about it. I mean, sure there’s the pregnancy, there’s the mood swings, there’s obviously the bipolar disorder, but I think there’s an element of crushing and also the walking on eggshells thing. So I mean, let’s get to the interesting stuff, is what worked to get him back. So before I let you go, I want to ask you a question, because this is the point I’m making to ask every single success story that I’m interviewing. What I’ve noticed, and this is just purely me looking for patterns, is what seems to work for women when they get their exes back is they always seem to hit like rock bottom and they just stop caring about getting their Exes back. Did you experience that? Bethany:Yeah. That’s exactly what I experienced. I experienced it twice actually. Chris Seiter:Can you explain that essence to me? Because I’m trying to determine whether or not it’s … So I interviewed another success story and she was telling me about this concept as well, because I brought it up and I asked her, “Do you think you can fake it?” And she basically said, “Well, no, but maybe you could fake it at first to get the momentum going, but you still need to feel the essence of it.” So I’m trying to dive into this because the more and more I interview people, the more I think this is the key, this is the unknown key. Bethany:It’s like that all is lost moment. And you go for broke, kind of. Yeah. That’s exactly what happened about a year ago. I thought we were kind of touching on a reconciliation. It seemed like that was going to…

Full show notes at the publisher

It Took Her 10 Months To Get Him Back, Here’s Exactly How She Did It Jun 17, 2020

Show notes

Today we’re going to be hearing from Laura, one of our Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program Success Stories who got her ex back after 10 months. How did she do it? Well, that’s what this interview was conducted for. Here are some of the things you can expect this interview to cover. How getting over your ex may be the key to getting them back How to get your ex back after a year or more apart What kind of tactics work and don’t work The importance of the private facebook support group Let’s dive in. What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Take the quiz How One Woman Got Her Ex Back After A Year Apart Chris:It started recording right now. Okay, so today we’re going to be talking to a very special success story named Laura who successfully gotten her ex back. We’re going to be asking her all kinds of questions about how she did it. So how are you doing, Laura? Laura:Sorry, what was that? Chris:How are you doing Laura? Laura:Yeah, I’m good. Thanks, how are you? Chris:I’m doing great. So I know nothing about your situation. So why don’t you just give us a little bit of a primer on how the breakup went down and what you had to do to get him back? Laura:Yeah, so basically it was last February I actually broke up with him and which now a lot of the stories by the people… broke up with them. Chris:Right. Laura:And I was actually still with him for about three ish months before I found the program. And then I decided to proceed with it and start my no contact. I did the first time, because we hadn’t had any arguments or anything like that. I know some people that had previously. So it was 21 days that I did, but I think I did 22 or 23, the first no contact. And then after that, we were doing the texting phase of the program where I’d send him messages and it was just normal texting really. I use the online stuff a lot through social media and asking for help on how to text in the right way so that I’m always getting responses, but it was always quite positive responses. Laura:We live quite close to each other. So when I was going out, I’d see him out and then he would ask me if I wanted to meet up and stuff like that. Whilst we’re in the texting phase, we did meet up with him. Because he was saying, “Is there any chance that we can get back together?”. That kind of thing. I’d already at that point, because I was focusing on me and my trying to end and stuff like that, and making sure I was making the most out of my situation at that time. I was planning on going away and I was going traveling over the summer. So although we were in the texting phase, it wasn’t really working out because I had too many plans. So I overdone it… almost. Laura:I came back in September. So that was June time we were speaking quite a bit and then I went away and came back in September and we were speaking a bit more. Then we met up and he said that he didn’t want to proceed with things and he thinks he should date other people. And I just said… well, if you want to date other people, that’s fine. And I spoke to people on the group at the time and I decided to do another no-contact of 21 days. But it ended up actually being 30 days because through that time I seen him three times. Chris:So you live close to him. So you just happened to like run into him? Laura:Yeah, he lives around the corner. Yeah, it was at pubs and stuff like that. When you’re out with your mates and then he’d just turn up. And there was one situation where I was out and we were in a pub and he came up behind me. This is only a week and a half after we’d had that conversation so I was in no contact and he came up behind me, and I was with my mates, and he slapped my bum in front of all of my friends. And obviously I told the people on social media and they’re like… “Oh no, just prolong it. No contact for more days.” So that’s why I did it for the 30 days. Chris:Had he been drinking or something? That just sounds… Laura:Oh yeah, I think he was definitely drunk. Chris:Okay. Laura:So yeah, throughout the no contact, while he contacts me, which it didn’t happen in the first no contact. He contacted me in the first couple of days. But throughout that whole 30 days he was contacting me and I think he thought… I know she’s definitely going out. Before I was still hanging on… If you get what I mean. Thank and hopefully left the situation. But by the time it had come September and I’d done all this stuff to make him see me how I was a gas previously when we first met. Then now I think, it got to a date that… so he’d been sending me messages throughout but hadn’t responded. And then it got date that, and literally on date that he was ringing me, so rang me like three or four times. Laura:But I was on the way to meet one of my mates. So obviously I didn’t answer, but it was a Saturday as well and that’s off limits. So I wasn’t going to answer anyway. And then on this he rang me like three times, I think it was. And then I answered and we had a conversation and he said.. he originally said come with me. And I said I can’t meet him. So we had a conversation over the phone instead. And… why I said that you regretted everything and he wanted to sort things out and we just dated after that. So it was just day in and we dated until December and then I was thinking… things aren’t going to work out at that point. Cause it had been so long that we had been dating in my head and I think it was the same. I think he was scared about getting back together, but then after the new year we got back together and it all worked out in the end and things are great now. Chris:So from what I’m gathering, you… originally going back. You’re the one who broke up with him, assuming this happened last year? Laura:Yeah. That’s right. So in total, about 10 or 11 months for us to get back together after we broke up for three months prior. Chris:So… So… Laura:Yeah. Sorry, go ahead. Chris:So it seems to me you initiated the first breakup… am I remembering that correctly? And then he initiated another breakup. So it was like you said, you got back together in September or something and then broke up again? Laura:Nice. So in September we were speaking again, and… [crosstalk 00:06:11] Chris:So you’re not official. You’re just talking. Laura:Yeah, we were just talking and dating and stuff at that time. But then I think he was going through a lot anyway’ Personally, it just wasn’t the right time for us to be getting back together then. So I think giving that space we had made things a lot better to what it is now. Chris:So when… Who’s the one who asked or got to the point where you’re asking Hey, what are we? Are we back together? How did that conversation go down? Where were you? what did he say? What did you say? Laura:We’d had food at his house. And I just said, where are we with things? And he said, well, we’re always together so we might as well just be together. And then we were just, yeah, and then we were just together. Chris:That was it, Huh? Laura:Yeah, that was it. Chris:It’s super easy. It’s almost surprising how simple it works to seal the deal so to speak. Laura:Yeah. It looks like that when you first meet someone. It’s just different because I’ve never been with someone, broke up with them, and then got back together with them. Chris:So man, it took you a long time. I mean we’re talking about almost a year. At any point did you just sort of think to yourself… is this even worth it? Should I just give up? Were you ever at that point emotionally? Laura:Yeah, in December I felt like things were good between us. But you know, when you just have a sense this just isn’t going to work out to let you sleep. Nothing. That’s when he realized that he needs to do more for us to get back together. The worry all the time but throughout worry full, is this really worth my time and effort? When I was away as well when I traveled around Asia and I was away and I was still speaking to him some of the time. It was a bit, not negative… what’s the in-between like… not really much conversation and felt a bit awkward. So they even let you know because I was with him before I broke up for four years. I know him, it was weird because it felt like we couldn’t speak naturally. But at times throughout the process, when it was natural, it was really good. And that’s when things were going well. It was just that in that middle bit, especially. Chris:So the middle bit, I guess, is what I’m more interested in. It seems like you went into no contact the very first time and it worked pretty well. And he got back in contact and the two of you we’re talking back and forth. What, in your opinion, went wrong to make him sort of scared to not want to commit? Or what did you think didn’t work about that? Laura:Well, I think given the fact that obviously I broke up with him, I think that hurt him a lot. I could tell that it destroyed him a bit and I felt terrible about it. When you see your best mate going through heartbreak, it’s a bit weird because you’re going through the same thing. And that’s what happened prior to finding the program. And then when we, after my past no contact for a month through that phase of talking and not talking. I don’t really know what was going through his head at the time that I could tell. He was not himself around me. It took a lot for it to get to that again and that wasn’t until after the second no contact. and a bit more dating before we were talking normally. Laura:We didn’t really go on proper dates like the first time after the first no contacts We didn’t have anything when we went out for a meal or that kind of thing. Whereas after the second, that’s what we were doing. We were going out, we were going out properly. Not just meeting. Because it’s easy to just meet up when you live around the corner. Chris:Yeah. Yeah. Laura:And we might escape for a walk or something and that’s what we would do. And in that time… Chris:You wouldn’t even go for a walk at all after the first no contact whatsoever? Was it just more texting and calling each other, but not doing anything else past that point? Laura:Yeah, it was like a week when we were both free. So we met up in that time and then I think he was on holiday then I was on holiday. So, there was very much we couldn’t really meet. Neither of us had the time to do that at that time. And I think that was why it didn’t work the first time because we both just had too many plans. Chris:Did either of you guys date anyone else in the 10, 11 months it took for you guys to get back together, like officially? Laura:I’m pretty sure he was. Well, he said he did. So he definitely did. I don’t know when and I’m not really interested in the detail, but I know that he did. And for me I spoke to people, but I didn’t ever go on any dates with anybody else. Chris:Okay. So throughout this 10 month period. After the first no contact, coming up onto the second no contact. What caused you to make the decision to jump into a second no contact? Laura:I think he was in a bad place where was losing a family member, unfortunately. And I think it was like when you sit and have a conversation with someone and they’re like just a bit all over the place and you just know this isn’t going to work when either one of us is going to be feeling like that. That’s kind of what happens. I wanted to be there for him. I knew that he didn’t want me to be there for him. I sat and spoke to him and I could just tell… I’m so sorry you’re going through that. And he says what does it matter? Laura:I just know that he didn’t want me there. And then he started speaking about dating other people and maybe somebody else. And I said, well, if that’s what you want to do and that’s what it’s going to make you happy, then just go and do that then. And he said, Whoa, I’ll just end up coming back to you. Well, your just going to date other people. It was a bit like I can’t change your mind right now. So just go away. Chris:What I’m kind of curious about now is how effective the second period of no contact was. Cause it seems like before you had done the second no-contact you had tried a lot of things. But your schedule and his schedule just wouldn’t overlap to the point where you could see each other in person pretty consistently. So you’re just sort of stuck in this limbo where you can only talk or text over the phone. The second no contact. I think you mentioned that he contacted you quite a bit during it. Is that exactly what happened? Laura:Yeah. Chris:And what were some of the contents of the messages? What were some of the ways he would try to talk to you during that second period of no contact? Laura:So we’ve always used the social media Snapchat quite a lot. Now I never opened them until after. Cause if I open them, he’ll be able to… Chris:He’ll know you read it. Laura:It’s not really then no contact, is it? So I never opened them until afterwards. And then when I went through them, they’re random things… what he’s doing in the day and stuff like that. And I’d put Snapchat stuff as well on my actual story and comment on them like… Oh, can I come out for a walk with your dog and stuff like that. But obviously I didn’t open them until after the 30 days when we started speaking again. And then he did send one really long message saying, it was kind of the middle of no contact, say like Day 15 sort of time. Just out of the blue, saying he doesn’t know where he’s at in his head and that type of thing. I can’t remember the whole message to be honest. But it was like an emotional sort of message, but nothing saying I want to get back with you and it was very much so borderline. Because, all the way through I don’t know what I want sort of thing until we didn’t know what he wanted. Chris:So you guys eventually get back together. But going to that point, how long did it take after he got out of no contact… how many months did it take before you get out of that second no contact to the point where you’re actually back together? How long were you talking to him, seeing him in person… or was it what’s it like a pretty quick race to the finish? Laura:It was about three and a half months until we got back together. Chris:And how often were you guys talking on the phone to each other or texting each other and seeing each other in person? Was it like an everyday occurrence? Laura:No. So to start with, it was once every two to one week sort of thing. But then we speak and in between by messages and calling and then it just got close to Cameron. And then by Christmas we were seeing each other every couple of days sort of thing. And then it was pretty much not just after new year that we got back together. Chris:So for you… you think seeing each other pretty much every single or every couple of days is really what spurted it on to get that sort of relationship back on track? Laura:Yeah, I think so. I think my… perhaps not… I don’t know. It depends on the person that you both asked. We are not the sort of people that need to see each other all the time, even though he lives really close. It’s not like I have to see him every day. It’s feel like I’m in a relationship. But I do think that closeness does make you feel closer. I guess to somebody… if that makes any sense. Chris:Yeah. It kind of does. It’s sometimes hard to remember years back what you did and everything. I guess when you look at your experience as a whole of going through the process… what do you think was the most effective thing that you did like for you personally? Cause every time I ask a success story of this, they always come up with really different answers that I wouldn’t expect. So I’m kind of curious what yours is when you look back at the whole situation. What is that one strategy that you use that you feel made the biggest difference for you? Laura:I think it’s like being MOMA or of a fast life, I think one of the reasons why we broke up in the first place was because we just weren’t very good at communicating. One thing that I di…

Full show notes at the publisher

He Said “I Love You But I’m Not IN LOVE With You” And Then He Came Back Jun 09, 2020

Show notes

Have you ever wondered what your ex means when they say, “I love you but I’m not in love with you.” Well, it turns out that one of my clients was wondering the same thing when she started The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program. After a few months she found some incredible success and then just a few weeks ago he asked for her back. She was kind enough to come onto my Podcast and have me pick apart her situation. Specifically, what was going through her exes head when he said the patented phrase, I love you but I’m not in love with you. His answer was actually pretty interesting. What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Take the quiz My Interview With Becca Who Got Her Ex Back Chris:Okay. So today, we’re going to be talking to Becca, who is one of the more interesting situations we’ve had. She’s actually went through the program and has successfully gotten her ex back. And I’m actually coming into this blind so that I can sort of come at it from a listener’s point of view. But how are you doing, Becca? Becca:I’m doing great. How about you, Chris? Chris:I’m hanging in there. Crazy times, what they are. Becca:Oh yeah. Chris:So I guess, let’s just hand the mic to you and you tell us, how did you find the group? How did you find the program? And just take me from how did your situation start? Becca:Okay, yeah. So, start to finish, we’ve been in a long distance relationship for the past three and a half years. Out of the three and a half years, three of them have been the long distance part, since I did go to graduate school in a different state in the middle of the country, because we’re both from the West Coast, and I went in the middle of the country. I actually chose to do my last year of rotations back on the West Coast so we can live together, to kind of delay this long distance and everything. And he got a promotion with his work where he was moving to the East Coast. Chris:So, you plan everything to go meet up on the West Coast, and then he’s , “Nope, got to go over here.” Becca:Yup. Yeah. Whipping coasts over here. Yeah. So, he ended up getting a promotion with his job that required him to move to the East Coast. And I was very supportive of all of it, but with this promotion came a ton of extra responsibilities. So, during this time, he’s been swamped with work, moving across country, leaving his family. And so, the stress kind of got to him as well as me, kind of. This was at the beginning of the pandemic, and so I thought that I would go in quarantine with him, since my school was switching to an online format. And so, at the beginning of the pandemic, I chose to quarantine with him for, it was supposed to just be two weeks. And that’s when all the stress got to him with work and everything because everything was being switched to an online format for him as well. And he needs to travel for his job. Becca:So, he was very stressed on everything, and it ended up coming to, he broke up with me because, one, he was stressed out with his job. Two, he was pretty much just saying that it was honestly the stress, but also the long distance was getting to him. But I also feel just the relationship was just one thing he could control. And the fact that he couldn’t control his workload with his job position and everything. And so, I thought that if I quarantined with him for a longer period than two weeks, then he’ll regret this whole, “Oh, we’re going to break up everything.” Because pretty much, he told me that he just needs space. He told me, he’s , “I need space to find myself. You need to work on yourself. I need to work on myself. I need a month, Just leave me alone for a month.” Becca:And so, my quarantine with him was supposed to be two weeks. I extended it to a month because I thought that maybe if I just quarantine with him and I’m just on top of him all the time that he would want to stick with me. That was not the case at all that entire time, at all. That entire time we were team we were quarantined, we were pretty much fighting the whole time. And he was telling me stuff – Chris:So, not the no contact rule. Becca:No. Chris:The opposite of. Okay All right. Becca:Opposite. Yeah. So, pretty much during that time that I was there, he was telling stuff to me , “You used to make me happy. I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore. I care about you so much. I’ll always be there for you. But I want to just focus life on myself and do my own thing.” And so, I had to leave his house a month afterwards because I was actually starting my rotations on the West Coast that following week. So, I ended up moving across country and everything. But when he was kind of breaking up with me and everything, I ended up writing a six-page letter just full of emotions and everything. And I ended up giving it to him before I left. And on my flight over from the East Coast to the West Coast is actually how I found your program. I was just a hot ness in the plane. I was just Googling everything I could and whatnot. Becca:And so, the first week I want to say I started no contact at the beginning of April, first week of April. And I broke no contact probably two or three times in the first week, and yeah. Chris:Okay. Pretty common, pretty common. When I studied this, 80% of people who try the no contact rule break it the first time. So, pretty normal. Becca:Oh yeah. And then I was reading your statistics on your page. The efficacy of it starts getting less and less the more times you break it. [crosstalk 00:05:18] Chris:Finally, someone who pays attention. People just don’t get that, I guess. It’s common sense. But I’m glad to see that you took it seriously. Becca:Oh yeah. Well, after I broke it the first time, I took it more seriously. Chris:Yeah. You have to kind of make the mistake first. Becca:I mean, you learn from your mistakes. That’s just how life works. Chris:True. Becca:Yeah. So, I ended up that one month- Chris:Oh, so you did a 30-day no contact rule. Becca:Yeah. So, according to your plan when I bought it and everything, I did the calculations, and I was only for a 30-day, since there was no other woman involved and whatnot. So, yeah. But I mean, I kept telling myself, I was , you know what, as much as I want to contact him, he also told me, just leave me alone for a month. And I’m , you know what? I’m going to do exactly what he wants. You know what? I’m going to take his wishes. I’m going to grant them for him. So, during the first week of no contact, he was texting me probably every other day. I got a few phone calls. And he was pretty much just making up excuses to contact me, , “Oh, did you change your Netflix password?” “No, I didn’t change anything.” Just any random excuse. And it came to the point where I just didn’t reply back to anything. He was viewing all of my Instagram stories, liking all of my posts on Instagram, and just following my social media. And I can tell too. Becca:So, during that month, that no contact was probably the best thing I’ve ever done in my life post breakup. The reason for that is I focused on my trinity completely. Wealth, relationships, and health, everything. I ended up working out every day because that’s what made me happy. I’m kicking butt in my rotations right now. I’m highly considering a residency at this point because of how great I’m doing and how much I love it. And I’ve been hanging out with, well, not hanging out, Zoom sessioning with my friends and family, which is really nice. Becca:But during this one month, I’ve always been scared of my own shadow. And I don’t know, I’m very self conscious about everything. And my self-esteem wasn’t that high during this no contact and me just working on myself, focusing on myself. I would come home from the hospital every single day, and I would just sit in my backyard. I’m like, I’m so happy with my life right now. It came to that point, and I was not expecting that. It just came out of nowhere, literally nowhere. And even when our song would play, I wouldn’t cry or anything. Chris:So, what’s your song? What’s your song? Becca:Oh my God. Give me a second. I have it. Chris:I’m just trying of, when I met Jennifer, something from One Republic. Becca:Oh! Chris:Something. It wasn’t “Apologize.” It was something else. “Counting Stars” or something like that. Becca:That’s a good song. Yeah. So, ours is called “Home” by Edward Sharpe and the Magnetics. It’s really good. Chris:Well, so if you’re listening and you want to hear, look up that song, and there you go, good breakup song. Becca:It’s really good because that was our song, throughout our entire relationship. And at the beginning of no contact, every time that song would come on, I would just skip. I can’t listen to this. But in the middle of no contact, I started getting the strength and everything, I want to say around maybe two and a half to three weeks of no contact. That’s when I just like, feeling great. Chris:From 20-ish days, 14 to 20 days, you started of feeling like you’re hitting a groove. Becca:Yeah. And it was just really nice because I just have never felt so confident before. And I was getting positive reassurance from my coworkers and my preceptors. And then I’m known at the hospital now as the very pretty pharmacy student. So that boosted my confidence exponentially. Chris:Yeah, that’s good. Becca:But yeah, so I ended up telling my battle buddy, when I was about to break 30 days no contact, I told her straight up, I was like, “You know what? As much as it would suck to not get him back, I know that I will still be happy if I don’t get a positive response or if I don’t get them back at all. I have a bright future. I’m very competent in myself. And I know the future is bright.” And so, ended up breaking no contact, and it was a really, really good back and forth. Chris:So, do you remember the exact text message you used, or did you call him? How was the first interaction going? Becca:Let me see. So, what ended up happening is I ended up going back and forth with my battle buddy. She’s a planner, so she likes to plan out her texts a few days in advance. I’m very sporadic. So I honestly did mine five minutes before I sent it out. Chris:In the moment. That’s what we call that. You’re in the moment. Becca:Yeah. Oh, this is what my first text was. He makes this really good chicken recipe to marinate chicken and everything. And he knows I don’t like chicken. So I pretty much just asked him what the recipe was and everything. And he played along with it and everything. And it was a really good conversation back and forth. The second conversation I brought up, I was asking him about workouts, because I’m planning on doing a 17-mile round trip to Half Dome in Yosemite at the end of August. And so, I just needed recommendations for back workout advices. Um, so that was my second- Chris:Something that you would have no knowledge on, but he would have a ton of knowledge on. Becca:Exactly. Yeah, exactly. And then I waited three days to send my second reach out after I sent my first one. And after my second reach out, he texted me first every day for four days afterwards. Chris:Wow. That’s great results. Becca:Yeah. Chris:Yeah, I’m working with a client right now who’s having a really interesting problem where she’s texting her but not getting responses. But when she calls him, the phone calls go really well. So, it just goes to show you every single situation is unique to whatever their environment is. I’m guessing that your relationship was grounded in text messages a lot. Becca:Mm-hmm (affirmative). Actually through Snapchat. Chris:Okay. Becca:Yeah. And a big thing too was during no contact, I actually deleted my Snapchat. Chris:Wow. Okay. But you still kept your Instagram, so you were doing the Instagram stories and everything like that. So, he was still spying on you. Becca:Yeah. Because he’s very active on Instagram and Snapchat, but our main form of communication was actually Snapchat, through the messaging thing. Chris:So, if you don’t mind me asking, what was the rationale behind deleting the Snapchat? Was that just a purely emotional decision, or did you feel like that was going to help you in some way, shape, or form? Becca:I felt like that was going to help me because I know that our main form of communication was Snapchat. So I felt like if I deleted it, then he would have to try another method to reach out to me, which he ended up doing, and hitting me up on Instagram messenger and then texting me and calling me. And when I re-downloaded my Snapchat after no contact, I had a bunch of missed messages from him. Chris:Okay. That’s a really interesting idea. I’m not sure. I’d love to see it work in mass scale to see what the results are, but it worked for you, so that’s good. Becca:Yeah. It was really well and everything, but yeah. So, I ended up reaching out to him On the second one, he replied back to me four days in a row afterwards. And then it was my birthday, and he originally planned a one week of vacation during my birthday time. But he planned this in January. But because of the- Chris:Was he going to come visit your or something? Becca:Yeah. So, his family lives on the West Coast too. So- Chris:Okay. So he was going to go visit the family, but see you. So, did he fly from- Becca:Yeah. Chris:Oh, so he did, did he tell you that he was doing this? Becca:Yeah. So he- Chris:How long had you been talking to get to that point? Becca:When I broke no contact to when he started doing this? Chris:Yes. Becca:About two and a half weeks. Chris:So, you reach out the first time, it goes really well. You reach out, you wait three days for the second time. What about the period from the second reach out to when he does this? Was it just back and forth all day long? Becca:I mean, I still did the UG time with 1.5 times the amount of minutes that they do and everything, but yeah. So I did my second reach out, and then he texted me back and forth. I wasn’t replying a lot throughout the day. It was probably between both of us maybe 10 messages max, because I’m very busy too. And I don’t want to look very desperate with replying back right when he does. So, if I saw it, I would put my phone away and I would just go walk around and do my job somewhere else. Chris:Just pacing in your office, back and forth. Is it time yet? Becca:No. Chris:No, no, no, I hear you. I got you. Can you hear me, Ashley? Becca:Yeah, I can hear you. Chris:Okay. All right. All right. Let’s just continue on nothing happened. Becca:Oh no. Yeah, you’re fine. I was like, oh, no. Yeah, so I did my second reach out. He replied back four days back and forth. And that was a week before he was planning on coming out. So actually, when did he come out He came out last weekend. Okay. So, he actually came out on the 21st of May. So, he came out on the 21st, but he contacted me that Monday the 18th. And he was like, “Oh yeah, just letting you know, I’m actually still doing my vacation. I do it for your birthday every year. I’m coming for your birthday week,” blah, blah, blah. And I was like, “Oh, I didn’t even think about interaction,” because that’s jumping the value chain. Becca:And so I was like, okay, kind of skeptical about it. But I thought, you know what? I kind of went with my gut on this mostly because he doesn’t come to visit the West Coast often. And he was like, “I would love to see you,” all this stuff. And he was planning out a camping trip, and he was planning on a camping trip that week coming into visiting me in California. And what he ended up doing is while he was on his camping trip, he kept texting me, “I miss you. I wish you were here,” all this stuff. “I can’t wait to see you this weekend.” I went with my gut and I ended up, when he asked me to come and visit him for the weekend, I was like, “I’ll come down for one day.” Plus I’m really close to his family too. Becca:So, it was a little awkward seeing him because I didn’t really know how to react because we weren’t to…

Full show notes at the publisher

Why Does My Ex Talk To Me And Then Ignore Me? May 22, 2020

Show notes

Okay today, we’re going to talk about why your ex suddenly stops responding to you. And if you stick around until the end of this podcast episode, I’m going to be answering some of the biggest questions that one of my one-on-one coaching clients is having about her breakup. But first things first, if you’re going through this process, and you’re a little confused about your starting points, you should probably take our ex recovery chances quiz. It’s a simple two minute free quiz designed to tell you what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back. And from there, it will tell you what your best next step is. And we’ll even be sending you a free video course over the next week on what you should be doing just generally do help you in your specific situation. So again, if that sounds like something really reasonable and something interesting to you, all you have to do is just click on the prompt below. What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Take the quiz Why Does My Ex Talk To Me And Then Ignore Me? Okay. I’m going to give you some background on this particular situation, because honestly, one of the most difficult circumstances you can be in is when you’re trying to get your ex back, you’ve built up all of this anxiety about how the process is going to work. You finally get in touch with them and they respond to your texts to only to suddenly stop responding. And that seems to be what’s happening here with one of my clients that I’ve been working with. And I asked her permission to share her situation a little bit, we’ll change the names and some of the circumstances and everything like that to protect her identity. And God forbid if her ex is listening or something so he won’t ever be able to figure it out. But mostly I just want to talk about the psychology of why exes stop responding. And this is a topic that I’ve been studying a lot lately, because this is been happening a lot, especially in today’s day and age, where you get a positive response and then all of a sudden they just stop responding. What could be going through their head? Well, that’s what we’re going to talk about today. Getting The Background From My Client So here’s the background on my one-on-one client. She’s been working with me for about a month and we initially started, she found out about the program, she got the program and she started doing a no-contact rule and the maybe halfway through the no-contact rule, we started coaching together. And she’s really amazing, to be honest with you. She listens really well. She puts things into practice. She’s just like anyone else who has her own fears and insecurities about her breakup, obviously, but she’s basically done everything that we’ve ever told her and she’s gotten some really positive responses. So she got through her no-contact rule. She reached out to her ex and she’s gotten a response every single time she’s reached out to her ex, but something really odd as began to happen. We have noticed that she gets a response immediately, but then he just basically will either respond one more time as she starts the conversation thread, or just stops responding altogether. And then every time we tell her to kind of cut back, wait a week, try again, he responds again only to repeat the same behavior. And after a certain amount of time, she’s getting a little frustrated with the process. So what we’re trying to do is trying to explain the psychology of why men do this. And I had her, what I told her, I said, “Hey, look, I would like to actually make a podcast episode out of your situation because I think we can just talk through it, because a lot of women not even trying to get their exes back, probably have this discussion with men that they’re trying to be interested in trying to attract.” So I wanted to go through some of the psychology behind what could be going on in a man’s mind throughout the process. So I had to write down some of our questions, some of the most relevant questions she could think of, of what she’s struggling with. And I’m going to sit here however long it takes to answer her question. So let me give you a little bit more background on her situation so that we know what we’re going into going forward. So after she kept getting responses and then he’d suddenly stop responding, we theorized that since the relationship took place and most of the time they would communicate over the phone texting, wasn’t really natural for him. He feels a lot more comfortable on the phone. So I even brought my wife in on it to ask her advice because she’s always been really, really good with texting and she even concurred and she thinks, “Yeah, I think getting them on the phone, we’ll start to see that momentum shift and things will just start to unfold really quickly.” So we quickly changed our strategy for her to push the texting more towards a phone call. We’re going to try to advance her up the value ladder a little bit faster, so to speak, because we think a lot of the success for her will be happening in the phone call stage. And we came up with the brilliant text that we thought might really, really work for her and her situation. So my initial theory is always when you’re dealing with men, they want to talk about things that they’re interested in. The number one mistake we see in texting with men is a lot of the women engage them in topics that the women are interested in, but the men aren’t really interested in. So what we decided to do is we had our client come up with some of her best interests. Like she knows her ex really well. What are the things that he’s really, really interested in? And ultimately she determined that he was interested in X, Y, and Z. And we looked at the list and my wife and I were just both thinking, “Hmm, this isn’t going to work.” So we decided to approach it from a different strategy. And so we came up with the idea of what, if we made him really intrigued. We sent him a text that would make him so intrigued that he would have no choice, but to want to get on the phone. So the text we came up with was, “I had a dream about you last night.” And we told her, “Hey, you can work the interest into the dream when you get on the phone call with him.” And the texts we figured would work really well, because it also has some sort of sexual connotations to it where he’s thinking like, “Oh, well, maybe she had a sex dream about me,” essentially. And so what ended up happening was she sent the text out and it took maybe an hour to get a response, which was another really interesting thing. I don’t know if we’ll talk about it right now, but this guy seems to take a really long time to get responses just in general. And he simply just responded with, “Oh?” So that’s a good sign, right? So we decided, all right, now’s the time let’s go going for the kill. And she texted and said, “Hey, I’m going to tell you about the dream on the phone. And he didn’t reply. And then oddly enough, he called her at 5:00 AM in the morning. So what’s going on here? What is going through his head? Why did he just suddenly stop responding and then quickly shift gears and call her again at 5:00 AM in the morning? Why I Think Exes Suddenly Stop Responding I mean, that’s an odd time to call, right? So what’s going on here? Well, we’re not going to get to my client’s questions just yet. Because I just want to talk about my initial assessment of why he stopped responding. And again, why he tried calling. So I’m a big believer in actions before words, meaning when someone says something, it doesn’t have a lot of value to me unless they actually do something to prove they mean what they said. And this is a huge common problem that I see a lot of women who are trying to get a date for the first time or trying to find the right one. They get lured in by a pack of lies. You know, it’s like, “Oh, I love you so much,” or “I’m going to do this with you. I’m going to do that with you.” And when the time to come when the time comes to put up, he’s not there. He doesn’t do anything to prove. Well, what’s interesting is when you’re looking at the situation with my client, we believe we sent the best text message out. And I think we did get a really good response. But why didn’t he respond or closely? It’s Intimidating To Have A Sudden Shift In Medium So I’m a big believer in conversation mediums. So initially when you talk to your ex you’re in the protective bubble of the texting phase. And then there’s also a protective bubble of a phone call phase, and a protective bubble of the in person phase. But transitioning from one bubble to the next is never easy for people. It’s intimidating. And oftentimes they like to do it on their own terms. And one of the reasons that we struggle a lot with our clients with getting really quick results is because they don’t really know how to navigate the treacherous waters of transitioning from one medium to the next. And what works for one person may not necessarily work for another person. So how do you transition these waters? Well, to be honest with you, I think it really revolves around understanding patience. Let’s look at our client’s situation here. She got a response, “Oh?” Like, “Oh?” almost like, “Tell me more.” And then she immediately tries to transition to that phone call phase. That moment where she tries to transition to the phone call, she gives him an opportunity to come to basically accept the phone call, basically going to say, “Actually the dream is too good. I need to tell you on the phone.” It’s like, “It’s only something I want to talk to you about over the phone.” We try to lessen the blow of this transition from medium to medium, but making a reason intriguing for him to pick up the call. But also what you’re rubbing up against here is fear. I don’t know quite why men fear the transition, but it’s almost like they feel real safe when they’re texting. And then when you transitioned to a phone call phase, it puts them in uncharted and uncomfortable waters. So sometimes it just doesn’t happen. So what I think happened here is he was scared. It just frightened him. So his fight or flight response gets activated and he decides to run. But it gnaws at him throughout the day. I mean really gnaws at him, to the point where he’s just overthinking and in the middle of the night at 5:00 AM, he can’t sleep. He’s just like, “Well, I got to find out, I got to figure out what to do.” And then he calls her. But of course she’s asleep and he probably picks that 5:00 AM call because he knows she’s asleep and it’s a low probability of her picking up. So it’s a way of him saying, “Well, I don’t want her to feel bad or feel like I’m ignoring her. But at the same time, I’m not quite ready to talk on the phone yet. So I’m going to call at 5:00 AM.” It’s really cowardly if you think about it and also kind of funny. But I think sometimes coaxing someone into doing what you want them to do is a little challenging because you have to work this fine line between them choosing to want to do it and you forcing them to do it. And sometimes if you force them to do it too soon before they’re ready, they’re just not going to do it. So honestly, I think the best thing she can do going forward is just to stay true on the strategy. The timing just maybe wasn’t right for him to feel comfortable for a phone call. And that is okay. There’s nothing wrong with that. He’s just scared. And you could tell, because she sends the text like, “Hey, let’s talk on the phone,” and he doesn’t respond. So he’s scared. He’s like, “Oh my God, I’m going to her voice. But if I say something wrong, what if she just only talks about business stuff and doesn’t want to talk about relationship stuff.” He starts thinking in his mind, it starts gnawing at him and his fight or flight response gets activated. And knowing what I know about this particular guy, he’s a very, very avoidant type of a personality. So he’s going to avoid the confrontation of a phone call, even though the phone call would have been very friendly and pleasant and nice and it’s meant to make him feel good, but you can’t do that unless they participate in the phone call first. So it sits and gnaws at him all night long to the point where he’s like, “Well, I have to do something,” and he does it, and then he could sleep soundly because he can say to himself, “Well, at least I did something,” but of course, like I said, I wanted my client to leave me questions about, what is she struggling with? What does she want to know? What perspective can I give him or give her about him? So here is her questions. Her first real one revolves around the fact that it’s been 48 hours since that moment, since he has basically given her permission to have a phone conversation, he’s basically said through calling her, “Hey, let’s talk.” And they’re in this Mexican standoff where none of them is doing anything and she wants to understand, why hasn’t there been anything since then? And I think it hearkens back to what I just said. He is really having a hard time with a huge transition. And a lot of times just transitioning from texting to phone call is intimidating. Even if he’s a phone call person just by nature. He’s also probably afraid of being hurt. And also the context of their breakup, she was actually the one who broke up with him, but she did it in a really odd way. So I think he’s never fully gotten closure on that. So I think also a lot of women they’re so obsessed with their own emotions, they forget to realize that men have emotions too. And there’s emotions attached to these phone calls. So it’s like playing emotional chess. And I think he’s just banging his head on the wall, trying to figure out if he should be the one to reach out first or talk to something or say something and both of them are afraid. It’s almost like we need two people to just nudge them together and say, “Talk,” but it doesn’t work that way because you want him to come willingly and you need to come willingly. So I think her question is, “Why hasn’t anything happened?” And I think that’s why, both of them are just staring at each other across the cage, but they’re afraid to step out of their cage. So her next question is, “Well, is he struggling more than me and how can I tell and with what?” Okay. Is He Struggling More Than Me And How Can I Tell? So as he’s struggling more than you, I think you guys are struggling equally. A lot of times people think that they’re the ones who are struggling with trying to understand what the other person’s thinking, but I guarantee you, he is struggling trying to figure that out as well. And I think that’s one of the reasons why the two of them haven’t been able to talk. It’s really an interesting dynamic going on here. So she then asks, “Well, what kind of internal conversations do you feel he’s having with himself?” The first one I think he’s having is he’s playing is the break up back in his mind. And he’s also maybe confused because we’ve tried different texts in the past and he’s responded to them, but he’s never engaged her in a full blown conversation. He just stops responding after a while. So what’s really interesting is the first text. She kept it all about business, but there was a text in there where he wanted to talk about the breakup and she didn’t do that. She didn’t give him what he wanted and I think he’s still clinging on to that idea of, “Well, maybe I’ll get disappointed. Maybe we’re not going to have a conversation that I want to have.” And I think he’s struggling with that in his mind. It’s just amazing what the mind, what kind of ideas the mind can come up with the prison that the minds will create around, these limiting beliefs we have over what the other person is thinking. And what’s really cool is when you actually interview people who have gotten back with the exes, and there’s always that inevitable question of, “Hey, did you ask them what they were thinking about during the…

Full show notes at the publisher

What Ex Boyfriends Think Before They Break Up With You May 13, 2020

Show notes

Today we’re going to talk about what ex-boyfriends think right before they break up with you. What creates that decision to actually want to go through a breakup? And what I think is going to make this particular article unique, as opposed to many of my other articles out there, is that I actually had a real conversation with one of my friends who is actually about to plan to break up with his current girlfriend. And he gave me prime access to exactly what’s going on in his mind, every little weird nook and cranny in there. And I learned some really fascinating things, because what we’re dealing with here, the moment before someone decides to break up with you, it’s arguably one of the most guarded secrets they will ever have in their mind. I know when I would go through breakups younger, much younger, before I got married, I would never tell anyone this kind of stuff ever. And maybe one of the reasons why Ex Boyfriend Recovery has been so successful, as not only a brand, but even a podcast, is the fact that I’ve been willing to kind of peel back the layers and show you what is going on in the mind of a man. But what I wanted to do was I wanted to take you not through my mind, but one of my friend’s minds who gave me permission to basically unlock and show you what’s inside. So you can actually see really interesting things that you may not have learned before. So if you stick with me until the end of this podcast episode, not only are you going to watch me have a conversation with someone who’s about to break up with their girlfriend, but we’re going to learn a lot about trusting your gut as you went through a break up, or you are going through this process of getting over them or trying to get them back. We’re also going to learn about how someone can go from being so in love with your looks to, all of a sudden, finding you unattractive. And we’re also going to talk about why it’s always a good idea to strive to become the ungettable girl. It’s Important To Find Your Starting Point But look, if you’re new to this website or you’re new to sort of how I do things, I’m a big believer in starting at the beginning. And if you’re at the beginning of this process, where you’re trying to determine what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back and basically using that to determine whether or not you should be getting over them or getting them back or trying to get them back, my biggest recommendation for you is to take my Ex Recovery Chances Quiz. It’s basically a two minute free quiz designed to tell you what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back so you can make a smart decision going forward on whether or not you’re wasting your time throughout this process on getting them back or if you should just simply be moving on. What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Take the quiz Having A Conversation With Someone About To Break Up With His Girlfriend Okay, let’s talk about break ups. So I had a conversation with a good friend of mine about basically how his life has been going. Yesterday was my birthday so I kind of got the day to myself to do what I wanted and one of the things I wanted to do was talk to my friend. I hadn’t talked to him in maybe a month and a half. Now to put this into context, when I last talked to him, he was absolutely head over heels in love with this new girl he just met. I remember the first thing he said to me when he met this girl was “Chris, you are not going to believe it. I just got a date with the prettiest girl I’ve ever dated in my entire life.” I could just tell talking to him, he was happy. I remember thinking, in my mind, this may be the one. He may have found the girl he’s going to propose to. And I was happy for him. But you know how things kind of unfold, life gets in the way and life got in the way. The pandemic, the quarantine, started happening. I had to start, obviously start worrying about my business and exactly how I was going to structure everything going forward. Plus I got busy. So anyways, after a month and a half goes by, I decide yesterday, during my birthday, I was going to try to just sort of like reach out to him. He reached out to me to say like, “Hey, happy birthday, Chris.” And so I responded back like, “Hey, do you mind if we just catch up on old times? Let’s just sort of hop on the phone and see how things are going.” And he agreed. I mean, how can you say no to someone on their birthday? It’s like an easy birthday wish. So I get on the phone with him and we just sort of talk like normal buddies would. And I was really curious because I was happy for him that I felt like he found someone who he was like genuinely in love with. He kept talking about how attractive she was. Maybe like 10 minutes into the phone call, I tried to kind of slide it in there. So I basically said, “Hey, how’s that girl?” And he acted kind of standoffish, which immediately put up my sort of radar. I was like, hmm, red flag. So I kind of didn’t touch it for a little bit. And then I kind of prodded a little again because curiosity kills the cat and I just don’t have a filter maybe. And I basically said, “So I can kind of sense something’s off with this girl. What’s going on?” And he’s basically was like, “Man you’re really good at what you do. I didn’t even say anything.” And he went on to tell me some really fascinating things about how he no longer views her as attractive or as attractive as he thought she was. And how he kind views her as maybe a little bit immature and one of the really intriguing parts about her was her looks. And so all of a sudden it struck me that he would say that he doesn’t find her attractive anymore. And so I basically said, “Are you thinking of breaking up with her?” And he’s sort of like, “Yeah.” And what I found really interesting was I asked him, “Why haven’t you done it yet?” And he was like, “I don’t know.” And I basically said, “You know what I do for a living, right?” And he’s like, “Yeah, I know.” “Okay. Well, here’s what I think you’re doing.” And I went on to tell him, “I think you’re just scared because you’re scared of hurting her feelings.” And he’s like, “Yeah, that’s it. 100%.” I was basically just fascinated, this is an unprecedented situation. And I’d said, “Do you mind if I kind of like interview you? You don’t have to come on my podcast or anything like that, but do you mind if I just ask you a few questions, because I think what’s going on in your mind, the thoughts you’re having, are going to help hundreds of thousands of women out there who are maybe going through a breakup and trying to make sense of the broken pieces.” And so he was like, “Yeah, sure man. Just ask me anything you want.” And so I did. Proof That Looks Aren’t Everything When It Comes To Relationships And the first thing I really wanted to dive into was the looks. I basically asked him, “When I first talked to you a month and a half ago, you found this girl incredibly attractive. That was like the number one thing you kept like hammering home, like, wow this is the prettiest girl I’ve ever met.” Because I have long been a proponent of the fact that looks aren’t everything. I believe that looks matter, but they only really matter to get you in the door. They don’t keep you in the house. You can quote it. Chris Seiter said that. But if you’ve ever been looking for proof that looks aren’t everything, we have a situation right here where you have a guy who was rabid about this girl’s looks. And he goes from being rabid about this girl’s looks to, a month and a half later, telling me that he doesn’t find her that attractive anymore. And so I was really eager in trying to understand why don’t you find her attractive? Her physical appearance has not changed whatsoever in this month and a half. It’s not like she gained like 300 pounds. It’s not like she had some horrific car accident and half her face fell off. She’s not two face. So what went on? And he proceeded to tell me something that I’ve never heard before, which is a really unique take. The first thing he said was, he started talking about how, at the beginning, he built her up in his mind as sort of this really, really incredible girl that had all of these interesting layers to her. And the more he peeled back the layers, the more he kind of realized that the picture he had in his mind of her was not as great as reality. So it’s sort of like he built up the expectations in his mind, but reality didn’t meet that. Watch this and you’ll get what I mean, And ultimately I wanted to probe a little bit deeper. I wanted to say what do you mean by that? What did you find? And he said, “She’s kind of immature. She does things that are a little immature. And I kind of viewed her as this really mature woman and I find out she’s not mature. And that became kind of a turnoff for me.” And I said, “So that little thing, you peeling back the layers and finding she’s immature, is what made her physically unattractive to you?” And he said, “Yes and no. There’s a little more to it than that.” So he said, “Yes, the immaturity, finding out she was immature I found as an incredible turnoff. So immediately I look at her and she may have been the most beautiful girl, but I don’t view her as that beautiful anymore. All I can see is this immaturity aspect to her. But that’s not just it, that’s not the whole reason why I feel this way when I look at her.” And so I wanted to probe deeper. So I said, “What else is there?” And he said, “Well, the fact that there wasn’t anything left to learn about her. It’s like I had learned everything. I was going to ever learn about her and I didn’t like what I found.” It’s just sort of like he got to the end of the movie and looked at me and said, “That’s it? That’s all there is to this?” He was disappointed. And that became sort of unattractive to him. And he’s not really great with words. That’s not necessarily true, he is great with words, but he’s not great at analogies. So the analogy I gave him was so you’re saying it’s sort of like ogres or onions. You know the famous Shrek line? You’re saying the more you peel back the onion layers, the less appealing you found the experience. And he further reiterated the fact that no, it wasn’t just that. It was the fact that she didn’t have any more onion layers to peel back that made me kind of lose interest. And so I think this is a really intriguing lesson we can learn about the male mind, especially when it comes to just relationships in general. I even told him about my theory of stability and mystery. This is something that I’m always going on and on about. I’m trying to be less derivative and inject new ideas into my articles and podcasts episodes and YouTube videos and everything like that, but one thing that I truly believe in is that as human beings, we have these two competing needs. Stability And Mystery Theory We have the need for stability, but we also have the need for adventure and mystery. The problem is that they’re not sort of mutually exclusive, if that makes any sense? Meaning if you’re too stable and not enough adventure, the person can grow bored. If you’re too adventure and too much mystery involved and not stable enough, the person can grow scared and seek that stability. You need to try to find a way to balance both. And it seems to me that he found sort of her stability and mystery factor was not in line with what he was seeking. And he kind of agreed with me. And he said, “Yeah, that’s, that’s part of it.” But he really harped on the fact that she didn’t have any other facets to her personality that really intrigued him. That really would shock him to learn. You Need To Become Ungettable And I think this is just further validates what I feel like I’m always saying to women when I say, “You need to become ungettable.” And I think this is just another way of putting that. Because really what he’s talking about here is the ungettable girl. If you don’t know, the ungettable girl is this girl that all men want, but no man can have. Essentially it’s the girl that has so many layers to her, so much intrigue about her, that he’s always seeking to try to find the middle but can never find it. And I think, at a certain point, there’s a flaw in that type of thinking. I’ll admit, there’s a flaw. When it comes to attracting men that’s sort of what works. I think I’ve studied this enough to know that the more facets you have to your personality, the more things that your ex can be surprised to learn about you, the more paradigm shifts you can give him, the more intrigued he becomes about you. But I think the one flaw in that is that eventually there’s no human being with the infinite layers that they can just kind of peel back and continue to keep the man intrigued. Eventually he has to be happy with what he finds in the middle. And I think this is where it takes two to tango. As much as women want me to say, give me the secret to unlocking the man’s heart. Give me the secret to making a man fall in love with me and stay in love with me forever. I can’t do it without his cooperation. A man needs to be mature enough to accept you for the fact that no one is perfect. And I think my friend doesn’t really have an issue with that. I think my friend knows exactly what he wants. And after peeling back the layers, he found this isn’t the girl he wanted. I will also say one other thing. His situation with this girl is essentially a rebound. He moved on to this girl like a month after getting broken up with by a girl, he admitted to me, he was in love with. He admitted that to me even at the beginning of the situation when he was basically going and saying, “I’m dating this new girl after so-and-so broke my heart. She’s the prettiest girl ever.” So it’s kind of like this girl was a rebound and he’s maybe gotten to the center and realized, “I know what I’m missing.” And maybe that’s where regret comes into play. Now a lot of you are sitting there and thinking, “What if I’m the rebound? I’m a rebound.” Don’t worry about that because I think what we can take from this is the fact that the onion layer, so to speak, the multifaceted personality, the more you can harp on those characteristics, the more you can develop these really interesting takes. And I’ll give you an example of how to do this. Let’s say your ex views you as someone who doesn’t take risks, but you go and skydive and post it on Instagram Live or something like that, or Instagram it. They’re going to see that and say, “I did not expect her to do that.” The more you can do things like that, the more intriguing they will sort of come to you. But no matter how tactically perfect you are, you need your ex to kind of work with you a little bit. You need him to be okay with what he finds in the center. So this is something, I’m just going to tell you how it is. This is what I’m seeing. A lot of people who get back together and break up again, it’s because their ex gets to that center and doesn’t like what he finds. It’s sort of like, that’s it. That’s not on you. That’s on him. It’s up to him to realize that no one is perfect. And sometimes men fall into this pattern where they’re constantly in love with the chase. They’re constantly in love with peeling back those layers and I need to find that middle. I need to sort of find all the layers. And then when they find the middle it’s over for them, they would just lose interest. Until they meet that person that is right for them, that they find the middle and they’re like, “I like what I find.” So the big things that I want you to leave this episode with is the fact that looks are kind of overrated. Seriously. A lot of women put a lot of effort into their looks when they don’t really need to. A lot of women understand that looks get you in the door, but they fail to understand that it’s not what keeps you there. In fact, this is proven by my friend who arguably said, this is his words, “This is the most attractive…

Full show notes at the publisher

The Psychology Of An Ex During The Texting Phase May 05, 2020

Show notes

Today we’re going to talk about the psychology of an ex when you text them. It’s going to be much in the same vein as some of the articles and videos that I’ve created or wrote over time. For example, one of my most popular articles ever was, The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule. Well, what’s interesting is a few days ago I ran a Facebook live on our private Facebook group for our community members who have purchased the ex-boyfriend recovery program. And what’s really interesting is that there was a real huge common theme amongst a lot of the different questions that I would get asked. A lot of it was along the lines of, Why isn’t my ex responding to me? Or why is my ex responding to me and then dipping out of the conversation? Or why is my ex only responding to me, but they’re not very interested? And so I wanted to talk a little bit about the male mind during the texting phase, so that you can understand what’s really going on from a male perspective. And I thought one of the best ways to do this was to actually take the situation of a coaching client that I’m working with right now who’s also struggling with this problem. And so rather than just playing you a traditional voicemail like I typically do, where someone asks me a random question, I thought it would actually take you into a coaching session and what that looks like so that you can actually see me depict what’s going on in an ex’s brain when you’re texting them. And then what I’m hoping, is that this will give a lot of you different clarity on the many different struggles that you’re experiencing. So, if you stick with me to the end of this podcast episode, this is going to be a really unique one, but I’m going to answer a lot of different questions from; why is it taking your ex so long to respond how do you handle the emotions that you get when you see his text message and you see his name pop up and your heart jumps for joy. How do you stay disciplined during those situations? I’m also going to go into what is your ex thinking? Is he just rolling his eyes every time he sees your name and thinks, “Oh, she’s so annoying. Why won’t she just go away?” I’m going to answer if he’s over you or not. Or if he’s obsessing over the responses like you are obsessing over the responses when you’re texting him. So, if you stick with me until the end of this podcast episode, we’re going to be giving a lot of insight into the male mind during the texting phase. What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Take the quiz The Psychology Of A Man During The Texting Phase Like I said, I wanted this episode to be a little bit different than our traditional podcast episode where I just play a voicemail and then just sort of organically go from there. Instead, I’m actually working with a coaching client right now and she’s having a lot of trouble in the texting phase and trying to understand what’s going on in his mind and everything. So, I want to give you a little bit of what her situation is looking like because I think this is a struggle that I see a lot in different people’s situations when I’m working with them. So, let me give you a bit of background. I actually think she’s got a pretty decent chance of getting her ex back. That doesn’t guarantee she’s going to get him back of course, but she’s very disciplined, she’s very smart, she’s very intelligent. That’s basically all you could ask for in a really great coaching client. But what’s interesting is when we talked on the phone, I told her she needed to get through a complete no contact period before she even thought about reaching out to her ex. And she agreed and she did just that. She worked with me a little bit on trying to come up with a text message to get a response from her ex. And what I’m about to read to you is the text message that we came up with and the results she got. And when I say results, I’m talking not just about the text message she used with the contents of the text message she used, but also how long it took him to respond, what he said. And then I’m actually going to break this whole conversation down and actually answer a few of her big questions. And also some of those questions that I mentioned at the top of the podcast intro. Okay. So, here’s what happened. She got through a 30 day no contact rule. Great, right? But she was really struggling on figuring out an authentic way to reach out to her ex. So, we worked back and forth and I showed her… I gave her access to the private Facebook group that all of our members get access to if they purchase the ex-boyfriend recovery program or even a coaching session. And I showed here is what real life successes look like with regards to texting. This is what is yielding high level responses. So, I gave her the theory of the hook, the pattern interrupt and keeping the interests all about his interests. But where she found some confidence, was in seeing some of the other members getting positive responses. And what seems to work for a lot of members is this damsel in distress type of a text message where you’re basically asking your ex for advice but only his advice. And so here’s the text message that we came up with. “I have a problem and only really trust you on this one as it involves your area of expertise.” So, she sent the text message and she got an immediate response. A minute didn’t go by before she got a response. And his response was, “Okay, what’s the question?” And then he responded again saying, “How are you doing?” Which is interesting, he added on to his original response. But she’s smart. Like I said, this woman is extremely disciplined. And what she decided to do, she decided to wait about an hour before she would respond because she didn’t want to look like she was just hanging on his every word. She wanted to appear like she was super busy. So, she responds, she says, “I’m doing great. I actually need to order some stuff for work, any idea what companies cater to this type of a thing?” And then he didn’t respond. So, this is where things really got interesting. So, she waited… Like I said, she’s disciplined, she’s patient. She waited 48 hours before she emailed me again and basically asked me, “Hey, why hasn’t he respond to this? Why would he respond so quickly to the initial text message and then not respond to me actually asking the actual question to him or me needing his help. Why wouldn’t he respond to that?” And so, I have a little bit of an omission at this point, but I’m pretty darn busy. So, a lot of times we’ve even cut off some of the email support, but this is a high level coaching client, so it took me a little while to respond, but eventually I did respond. And so I responded literally probably a day after she sent me this message or she sent me this email. And I responded and it was just something generic like, “Hey, did he respond yet?” And I gave her maybe some basic thoughts on what may be going on in his head. And what’s interesting is, yesterday she got back to me and said, “Actually it’s the craziest thing, 73 hours went by and he finally responded to the question, what is going on?” So, that’s what I want to… That’s the situation we’re in right now. And I think this is… What’s interesting is in those 73 hours, I did a Facebook live and I noticed that a lot of the people asking questions throughout the Facebook live all related to this texting no response or little responses or late response type thing. And why would a man do that and what’s going on in his head. So, I wanted to use… And I asked this client permission to do this. I wanted to use her as a Guinea pig. So, she’s going to remain anonymous and the text messages are actually changed, so they’re not identical to what really happened, but I changed them up enough to get the spirit of what was really going on.So, what’s going on here? Well, there’s a lot of questions to answer, but I think we should answer the first one most in why did it take him so long to respond? Why Does It Take So Long For Men To Respond? So, if you don’t know, she reaches out to him originally with the first contact text message and gets an immediate response. Then she actually piggybacks off of that and asks him the actual question she wanted to ask and then 73 hours go by and then he finally responds. So, what’s going on here? Well, after seeing… It’s really funny because as you go through these processes and as you work with people, a lot of times you don’t have the full picture of what’s going on until enough time goes by, right? So, she’s panicking at 48 hours thinking, “Oh, why would he respond so quickly to my first text message and then not respond at all to my second text message?” And now the question has changed to why did it take him so long to respond to the second text message? And I think ultimately that’s because he’s thinking about what he should say or if he should respond. Let’s look at this from his perspective. I am him and she reaches out to me after 30 days of not talking. And her text message says something along the lines of, “Hey, I have a really big problem and only really trust you to help me.” All of a sudden, I’m really happy that she’s responded. So, I respond really quickly. “Okay, what’s the question?” And then I piggyback on that saying, “How are you doing?” Now, what’s interesting is that second response he put in there. So, usually when we’re dealing with exes, the first thing they’ll do is just go right into, “Hey, what is the question? I’ll help you.” But this one showed an extra bit of interest in his response, right? So, the first one was, “Hey, what’s the question?” Which is the traditional response we would hope to get from an ex. But the second response that he added on top of that was, “Hey, how are you doing?” This is sort of an olive branch to talk about the relationship. But I instructed my client not to talk about the relationship because oftentimes I’ve seen it go South enough to know it’s usually not a good idea this early in the stage. And so, rather than directly responding to his second question of, “Hey, how are you doing?” She only responded to the first question, which was him saying, “Okay, what’s the question?” She waits an hour to respond of course, and she basically says, “Hey, I’m doing great. I need to order some stuff for work.” And he… I think there’s a couple of things going on for how long it took him to respond to this. The first one is he’s deciding whether or not he should respond to you or not. And the second thing to look at is he’s maybe upset about the fact that he wants to talk about the relationship and you didn’t bite. And the fact that you didn’t bite angers him a little bit. And it sort of, he has the knee jerk, “Fine, screw her. I’m not going to do that.” But this is the beautiful thing about time and silence. 73 hours goes by, that’s a long time to think. It’s sitting in the back of his mind constantly. He’s thinking about, “Why would she reach out to me and act like nothing happened?” It is gnawing at him. And eventually curiosity takes hold and he can’t help but respond. And so that’s why I think he ended up responding and taking so long to respond. Because you notice he does only keep it strictly business when he does respond. But I think what he really wants to do is just have a conversation about the breakup. But I don’t think it’s smart to have a conversation of the breakup at this early of a stage, it’s better just to act like it doesn’t exist for a while, get into some rapport building and then slowly start talking about those things. But what’s interesting is that 73 hours, that period where he’s just sitting and he’s thinking and it’s gnawing on him, it tells you a lot about how it’s important to be patient. I’ve been doing this long enough to see all types of clients. There’s the clients who are extremely patient, there’s the clients who are extremely impatient. And so, I guess what I’m saying to my impatient clients, is a lot of times what you end up doing is when you reach out what the killer first text message and you don’t get a response, sometimes you need to wait three days because they’re deciding whether or not they want to respond to enough. And sometimes what people do instead is they dig themselves in a deeper hole by sending another text message saying something along the lines of, “Hey, aren’t you going to respond or not?” It’s never a good idea to do that. It’s almost always a good idea just to wait and see if he responds and if he doesn’t after three or four days, it gives you a good indication that maybe he needs to take a look at your text message and maybe there was something wrong in your text message, maybe the timing was off. And you could learn a lot just by waiting. And it’s the hardest thing to do. And it’s a perfect segue into the next big thing that I want to talk about. And that’s how do you handle the emotions you get when you see his name pop up on a text message. How Do You Handle The Emotions You Get When You See His Name Pop Up In A Text? So, this is… I asked my client exactly, “Hey, what are some of the burning questions or the struggles you’re having right now?” And this was one of the questions and struggles she was having. “Every time I see his text message, my heart leaps, I can’t help but just jump with joy, but it makes me a little overemotional maybe. And I want to know how can I keep those emotions in check.” And leveling with everyone listening here, there’s not an easy quick answer to be honest with you because… And I guess the way I would describe it is… And I think I made this analogy a few podcast episodes ago, but growing up in high school and everything, I used to play baseball. I was actually one of the best pitchers on my team. So, I remember I would always be extremely nervous before the game started. And then once the game started, the nerves settled down as you’re doing this physical activity as you’re actually doing the activity you’re nervous about or nervous for. And I feel like texting an ex is a little bit like that. You’re extremely emotional, nervous, you’re worried, your mind’s going all over the place. And ultimately the only thing that you can do to handle those emotions a little bit, is actually get engaged in the activity with them. So, my best piece of advice for those of you who are extremely emotional, there’s two pieces of advice. The best one is the more you get through this process, the less the overemotional happy heart jump thing will happen. You just have to make a mental note to stay disciplined at the beginning. So, those are the big two things. The more you do it, the less it will happen, but at the beginning you need to be almost overly disciplined. And so my best piece of advice for those of you who are struggling with this, I would say that you’re struggling with this or you’re having difficulty with this, if you send a text message to your ex and then an hour goes by and he doesn’t respond, but you’ve checked your phone over 20 times in that hour. That’s a good indication that you’re not disciplined enough. What are some of the ways you can be disciplined? The best piece of advice I’ve ever given to people in situations like this is to try to find an activity that makes you so busy, you don’t have a chance to deal with your phone. Sometimes the best thing to do is actually turn your phone off for 24 hours or something. What’s really interesting is there’s this YouTuber that sometimes since I run an online business, I followed to try to learn about what are the trends? What can I be doing better? How can I reach more people? I want more people to understand my message, right? And so, this YouTuber was really brash, he’s really… Volatile, I guess is a good word. A lot of people just have all sorts of different opinions on them. Right? You either love them or you hate them. And sometimes people like that can be a little rough for people. But I always found him interesting…

Full show notes at the publisher

Why Is My Ex So Uncomfortable Around Me? Apr 25, 2020

Show notes

Today we’re going to be talking about, why your ex is so uncomfortable around you. In fact, we’re going to give you the top five reasons that we have found exes are uncomfortable after breakups. But first, we always want to do this for anyone who’s new to this podcast/website. One of the most asked questions we get, almost on a day to day basis is, “Hey, do I even have a chance of getting my ex back or should I be getting over my ex or trying to get them back?” Well, luckily we put together a special quiz where we basically answer this exact question for you. It’s a quiz, it’s free. It will take you only two minutes to complete. And I highly recommend for anyone who hasn’t taken the quiz yet, to take it. Because at a starting point, it will just tell you whether or not you should be moving on, or trying to get your ex back in your specific situation. What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Take the quiz What Does An Ex Acting Uncomfortable Look Like? Okay. So, now that the prerequisite, sort of pitch is out of the way. Let’s start talking about some of the five most popular reasons for why exes will become uncomfortable after a breakup. But, I think before we started talking about that, we need to define what uncomfortable looks like. A lot of people don’t really understand what we mean when we’re saying, “Hey, your ex is acting uncomfortable.” Well, it can mean a lot of different things. Ultimately, it means that they’re acting strange. They’re showing off. They’re really uneasy around you or they’re acting awkward. Now, what is an example of this? Well, so sometimes this is something that we see a lot when you go through a breakup. Then a few weeks later you’re out at the mall and you run into your ex at the mall and he’s acting completely odd. He’s showing off or he’s acting strange or whatever. I think we’ve all been there. And I can give you even a personal example from my life. And the reason I used the mall thing was because, when I went through my very first breakup, I was probably like 19 or 20 years old. So I was just awkward to begin with. So anyways, I dated a girl for about a year. And then we went through a really bad breakup. I wasn’t talking to her, she wasn’t talking to me. And then one day, I was out at the mall with my best friend. We were just walking around, having a good time, probably looking to pick up chicks. And my friend, he nudges me. He says, “Chris, look over there. It’s your ex.” And all of a sudden I clammed up. I didn’t know what to do. I was super nervous. I didn’t know if I should go up to her and say hi. So I just ignored her. I literally, walked past her. Didn’t say a word, didn’t even acknowledge her. And I think ultimately, is because I felt super uncomfortable around her. So, what I would like to do for you today is, help you understand why your ex may be acting uncomfortable around you. And it doesn’t always have to be an in person type of interaction where they’re acting uncomfortable. It can also be over text messages. Sometimes you’ll notice they’re sending you text messages that are out of the norm or they’re not responding when they used to respond all the time. And this can help you understand why they’re acting that way. The Top Five Reasons An Ex Will Act Uncomfortable Around You Now, like I said at the beginning of this podcast episode, we’re going to be looking at the top five reasons that exes will be uncomfortable after a breakup. So, what are those top five reasons? Guilt Of The Breakup Intimidated if You Are Too UG Has Another Woman (Feels Wrong) Doesn’t Want To Disappoint Friends Or Family No Social Protocol For Breakups Let’s dive in starting from the top. Reason #1: Guilt Due To The Breakup Well, the first reason, is guilt. They have a lot of guilt wrapped up into the breakup. And for this, I’m going to tell you another story. And this is a story that’s rather recent. A few weeks ago, I was on the phone with my brother. And weirdly enough, him and I usually never talk about relationship stuff, but for whatever reason, he had just gotten back from a date that day, and he was like really, really falling for this girl. Anyways, so it sort of bridged the gap between us because he knows what I do for a living. And I started asking him questions about, “Hey, what are some of the other girls that you’ve dated?” And he told me all these really interesting stories. But one thing really stuck out in particular, and that’s the fact that, there was one girl who he really liked but ended up breaking up with her. And I thought, “Oh this is perfect. I can actually ask him, what he was thinking and what he was feeling during this period of time.” And so what he said to me was that, he knew for about two weeks beforehand that he was going to break up with her. And I asked him, “But why did you wait that long? Why not just sort of rip the bandaid off? It’s easier for everyone. May be painful, but at least she’s not wasting her time in a relationship that you already know is doomed.” And he said something fascinating. He said, “I felt really guilty about the fact that I was going to break up with her. And I was also really worried or scared of hurting her feelings.” So oftentimes, one of the reasons an ex can act uncomfortable after a breakup is they feel a lot of guilt wrapped up into the breakup itself. They feel like they hurt you, and they feel like they’re in the wrong and they don’t like that conflict. Some people like conflict, but most people don’t like conflict. And so, an ex who’s acting uncomfortable, who they’re acting strange, they’re uneasy, they’re awkward around you, it’s oftentimes because they’re feeling guilty or they’re feeling like, “I hurt you and she must hate me.” So that’s the first of the five reasons for why exes will act extremely uncomfortable after a breakup. Reason #2: They Are Intimidated When You Are Too Ungettable The second one, is a different type of situation. That’s where they become intimidated, if you’re too ungettable. So, if you don’t already know, I’m really famous around the internet, I guess, for coining this term called, ungettable or rather the ungettable girl. And it’s essentially this idealized version of a woman that almost all men want, but no man can have, which makes them want her even more and they can chilly chase her, and she’s ungettable. And, it’s a really, really good terminology I guess. But what’s interesting is, a lot of women take the ungettable idea and they add to it. And it’s evolved into something I would have never even imagined. And even to prove that point, a few months ago, I ran a poll, in our Facebook group. And ultimately what we were looking to do, was trying to understand, what are the different ways in which you can be termed ungettable? And I want to read to you. And I actually wrote this in a book, so give me a second. I’m going to actually need to pull the book here. But I want to read to you, what some of the terminology that people would come up with was. So, here’s everything that an ungettable girl is. She’s confident. She loves herself. She’s treated with respect. She’s not ever a second choice. She’s really great at setting goals and obtaining them. Somehow the song can touch this plate in my mind. Being confident in every choice that you make. Living your best life. Being cooled in any situation. Being positive no matter what life throws your way. Being true to yourself. Being other people’s… Actually I read that wrong. Blowing other people’s expectations of you out of the water. Being the best version of yourself. Being independent. Upgrading your life in all areas. Being happy and doing things for you. Finding inner peace. Being okay, doing things alone. Which is not an easy thing to do, by the way. Not easily caught Playing hard to get. Finding joy in life no matter what every thought and action of mine or just celebrating the fact, that I am freaking amazing. So let’s say you obtained this ungettable status. It is entirely possible, that when you obtain this ungettable status… It doesn’t happen overnight by any means. But it’s entirely possible that your ex sees how powerful and how attractive you have become, and they grow intimidated, and they don’t know what to do. Reason #3: Your Ex Has Another Woman (And It Feels Wrong) The third reason, an ex will act uncomfortable after a breakup, is when they have another woman. They’ve moved on, and they know, it’s wrong and it will hurt you. And it feels like they’re going to be flaunting it in your face. So this actually kind of goes back into that story I told of my brother about hurting that girl’s feelings. Well, it’s entirely possible for them to know that they moved on to this new person. And they don’t want to flaunt it in your face. So they act extremely awkward. Because they know, deep down, they did you wrong. And they feel wrong about the whole situation. Again, most the times you’re going to find that a lot of the reasons that people act uncomfortable, after a breakup is because, they really don’t like conflict. So they do things to avoid conflict at any chance or any costs they can. So there’s not really much to unpack there. It’s pretty obvious. If your ex has moved on to another woman, they’ll feel uncomfortable or act awkward around you or be little uneasy around you because, they know it’s wrong to flaunt the other woman in front of you. Reason #4: They Don’t Want To Disappoint Their Friends Or Family The fourth reason that exes will act uncomfortable after a breakup, is they don’t want to disappoint their friends or family. I see this actually more often than you would think. It’s not the most prevalent situation, but it’s a lot more… It happens more often than you think. And that’s the situation where, an ex literally has introduced you to their friends and family. And their friends and family absolutely love you. Right? But then they break up with you, and they catch a lot of flack from their friends and family. “Hey, what happened to so-and-so? What happened?” And then he’s going to say something along the lines of, “Well, I broke up with her.” And they’re going to say something along the lines of, “How could you do that? She was perfect for you.” Oftentimes I talk about this concept of the sphere of influence. It’s basically the people that your ex surrounds himself with, whose opinions that he cares about. Oftentimes, this is really strong family members, really strong friends, best friends. If you have those people on your side, and they’re basically berating him for breaking up with you, it can make him feel really uncomfortable around you after the breakup. Because, he knows that he disappointed friends and family. Again, this is another tie in to that conflict aspect. Where they’re trying to avoid conflict and they know that they created conflict, with their actions, with their friends and family, with their sphere of influence. So that’s the fourth sort of big reason that an ex will feel uncomfortable, or act uncomfortable after a breakup. Reason #5: There Is No Social Protocol For Breakups The fifth one, is a new one. And it’s something that I think every person can relate to. Because they know it’s true. And that’s the fact that there’s no social protocol for breakups. We go to school and we’re almost taught how to do a lot of different things, but one of the things teachers never teach us is, how to handle a breakup with grace. Most of the time, I see people who handle breakups without any grace. They get angry. They get depressed. They don’t really know what the social protocol is. They don’t know if it’s okay to see their ex after the breakup. They don’t know whether it’s okay to talk about it. They don’t really know. And usually the people who know, have gone through so many breakups in their life that it’s almost become second nature on how they should respond to certain type of things. And usually those are the kind of people, that you should stay away from. Because there’s a reason why they’re going through so many breakups. They’re maybe not mature enough to handle a longterm relationship. But overall, there’s really no social protocol for a breakup. How do you act? What do you do? What do you say? In fact, I think that’s the whole reason this podcast has taken off. Why we get almost 3000 listeners a day. People want to know, “How do I handle a situation in this particular situation?” And that’s what this podcast is for. But what’s interesting, is that, how you handle a breakup if you’re trying to get an ex back, is different than how you handle a breakup if you’re not trying to get an ex back. So, there’s even more intricacies to these social customs that revolve around breakups. Ultimately, this can create a lot of awkwardness or uncomfortableness around your ex because he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to say. And so he’s acting in a way that avoids that conflict. And that’s an important thing for you to also understand, to sometimes be patient and cut a guy a little bit of a break. Give him a little bit of a break because he doesn’t know, and he thinks that it’s going to be really conflict heavy. This is something for you to really… This is a podcast episode that, for those of you who are in the no contact rule, can really take to heart. Because, if you think about it, a lot of the times that your ex will act awkward to you when you try to get back in touch with them after the no contact rule, stems around this conflict thing. So it’s up to you to kind of dispel some of these things. Now you don’t come out and say like, “Hey, don’t worry. You moved on to another girl. I’m cool. Completely fine.” You don’t say things like that. But, you make it as nonconfrontational and as easy going, as possible. And I think that alone is enough to set your ex and make them calm. Because what’s really interesting is if you take an ex who’s extremely uncomfortable, they’re uneasy around you, they’re acting strange, they’re awkward, and you actually just get into a well-meaning conversation with them, you’ll start to notice they’ll start to return to their old selves. And a lot of times… The best analogy I can think of. And it’s maybe not one that you guys can connect with. But, who knows, maybe. Is, if you ever felt the pressure of a sporting event, where you’re required to perform. Where like let’s say you’re like the best soccer player on your team, right? And the whole team is relying on you. Well before you actually go into the soccer match, you’re extremely nervous. And you kind of like let it get to you a little bit. You start thinking about all the negative things that could happen. But once you actually start playing soccer, the nerves kind of go away because you’re doing something physical. It’s a little bit like that. The uneasiness and the awkwardness and the uncomfortableness will go away, if you can get your ex into a conversation, where there’s no conflict. And you’re just having fun. I think that’s an important thing or an important lesson, for you to take home.The post Why Is My Ex So Uncomfortable Around Me? first appeared on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Full show notes at the publisher

Our TOPPODCAST Picks

Follow Us

Stay Connected

The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast

Related Podcasts

Links

Stay Connected