The Art of Charm

Episode 772: Dan Ariely: How to Defeat Indecision and Regret

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775: Your Tough Questions About Decision Making Answered Aug 26, 2019

Show notes

The narratives we create for ourselves influence everything from life-changing decisions down to what we eat and how we spend our free time, but what exactly is a narrative and how do you go about creating a positive one that pulls you in the direction you want to go in life?

What to Listen For

How do you justify a career change if you already have the “perfect” job?
What is the one thing you take with you every time you leave a job for a new one, and how can you use that to minimize the regret you might feel for leaving a great job?
What is a narrative and why are they so influential when it comes to how we think and make decisions?
If you feel you are overanalytical, how do you use it as a strength while making sure it doesn’t cripple you in social situations?
What can you do to make networking an enjoyable process rather than something you feel like you have to do in order to grow professionally?
How do you become more likable as a coworker?
Why is likability more important than hard skills when it comes to being promoted in the workplace?
What can you do to increase your value if you feel hindered in the dating pool by a disability?
What does it mean to hang on to gifts and memorabilia from past relationships and what does it mean to get rid of them?
Can you ever truly stop comparing yourself to others or is it human nature?

You are what you eat - everything you put in your body either makes you healthier or sicker. The same can be said for your narrative - everything you do either strengthens your narrative or weakens it.

For example, if you believe you are not worthy of a promotion at work, you will make decisions every day which strengthen that narrative. However, if you wake up one day and make the choice to believe you are worthy of a promotion, then you can take conscious action to reinforce that narrative by developing positive relationships with your coworkers and supervisors as well as making sure your supervisors know you’re getting the results which make you worthy of the promotion.

Over time your belief in yourself will override the narrative that was holding you back and the new positive, healthier narrative will take its place.

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Resources from this Episode

Episode 766: Michael Herold on Facing the Impossible and Beating it

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Episode 772: Dan Ariely: How to Defeat Indecision and Regret

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774: The 3 Most Common Hurdles in Decision Making, And How to Avoid Them Aug 19, 2019

Show notes

We make decisions throughout every single day of our lives, but only a certain type of decision can lead to regret later on, so how can you identify those decisions before you make them, what can you do to minimize or eliminate any regret they may cause, and what can you do to become a better decision-maker?

What to Listen For

Why are some decisions harder than others and how do those decisions make for good self-development?
Why do we feel regret and how can we turn it around to use it as a motivator for action?
What is opportunity cost, how does it affect our decision-making ability, and how can we eliminate it?
What can you do when you find yourself being indecisive without anyone to turn to for help?
If you’re an indecisive person, what one thing can you look at in order to better understand the decisions you should make in the future?
What is decision fatigue and what can you do to avoid it so it doesn’t lead you to make the wrong decision with long-lasting consequences?
What kinds of decisions lead to regret and what kinds do not, and why?
Why is attaching a deadline to a decision so helpful in developing good decision-making habits?
Why are we wired for indecision and what simple technique can we do to overcome that biological programming?
What is the psychological immune system and how does it work in your favor when it comes to how you regret certain types of decisions?
Why does a focus on the outcome (of a decision) versus the process
(of making that decision) lead to more regret in life?
What are the three hidden pitfalls of striving for ideal outcomes?

Life is full of decisions, big and small and everything in between, and the ability to make those decisions is a skill just like any other, which means it can be learned, practiced, and improved upon, but it also means it can atrophy if you are indecisive too often and for too long. Indecisiveness is not a desirable trait - it shows people you are not confident in the path you’re walking through in life and you don’t value your time, because for every decision you don’t make, you are wasting time, the most precious resource any of us has because it’s the only one you can’t get more of.

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Resources from this Episode

Episode 773: Eric Weinstein Meets The Art Of Charm. Part 1 (Why we need The Portal)

Episode 704: The Bad House Guest: Cognitive Distortions

Episode 700: The Myth of Perfectionism

Episode 754: Steven Hayes on Why Craving Pain is Human

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Eric Weinstein on Twitter

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773: Eric Weinstein Meets The Art Of Charm. Part 1 (Why we need The Portal) Aug 12, 2019

Show notes

Technology has an increasing influence on our lives, but did you know even small concentrated doses, such as working all day on a computer (aka a “tech coma”), can have a significant impact on your ability to interact with other people in healthy?

What to Listen For

What is Eric Weinstein trying to do with his new podcast and why should you listen to it?
What does the world of professional wrestling know about psychology that most psychology professors and researchers don’t?
What is the Intellectual Dark Web (IDW) and what can you learn from about how to have a constructive conversation with people you disagree with?
How do you break through disinformation when you’re constantly surrounded by “fake news”?
How do you draw a boundary with your personal life if you have a life in the public eye?
How is immigration being used to transfer wealth from one group to another and why should we restrict it?
How do you take a platform’s algorithm into account when deciding where to get your news and information?
How can you become a critical consumer of information in an era driven by narratives and algorithms?
Are you defenseless in today’s day and age of corporations tasking incredibly smart individuals to do just about anything to get your attention, even if it means complete fabrication of events?
How do you approach conversations when you know you’re going to disagree with the other person?
What is bad diversity and how does it distract us from having otherwise constructive conversations?
What is a tech coma, how do you know if you are in one, and how does it cause atrophy of your social muscles?
How can perfectionism hurt the pursuit of your goals and what can you do if you feel you are a perfectionist?

As technology continues to permeate our everyday existence, it can be easy to let slip the skills that really matter when it comes to living healthy and happy lives. Humans are social creatures, and we rely on social interaction to bring us some of the most meaningful experiences and emotions while we’re alive. Unfortunately, with the way we have developed various technological systems, we are building walls between each of us while claiming the screens on those walls make us more connected than ever.

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Resources from this Episode

The Portal - a podcast by Eric Weinstein

Eric Weinstein on YouTube

News Diffs - Tracking Online News Over Time

Episode 772: Dan Ariely: How to Defeat Indecision and Regret

Save the Cat! The Last Book on Screenwriting You’ll Ever Need

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

The Art of Charm Bootcamp in Vienna

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772: Dan Ariely: How to Defeat Indecision and Regret Aug 05, 2019

Show notes

The harder a decision seems to be for people, the less likely it is that we will spend enough time researching it in order to determine what to do - but why is that, how should we handle the component of time when it comes to waiting to make decisions, and what can you do to eliminate the fear of regret in your life?

What to Listen For

Why do we spend a lot of time researching insignificant decisions and little time researching significant decisions?
How can you approach life-changing decisions from a neutral point of view so you can make the decision for the right reasons?
How do does action versus inaction affect our likelihood to regret a certain event and how can you change your perspective in order to eliminate regret?
How do we take time into account when deciding how much time to spend researching minor and major decisions?
What are the three types of decisions and how can your awareness of each one help you to avoid wasting valuable time
What is anchoring and how does it affect our decision making as we make decisions that build on one another and how can your awareness of it prevent you from falling into an unhealthy trap?
What are market norms and social norms and how do they affect your willingness to oblige someone’s request for help?
How do market norms reduce the trust between people and turn relationships into economic transactions?

We make decisions that affect our lives every single day. Some decisions are small, some are big, and some are repeated on a regular basis. Unfortunately, we only have so much time to think about these decisions so it can save us a lot of time if we at least understand how to approach each one. Small decisions, like what movie theater to go to or what appetizer to get, should take the least amount of our time since they impact our lives the least, and our time is better spent being present or contemplating more important decisions. Big decisions, like where to live or who to marry, should necessitate more time as they will have lasting effects on our lives. And lastly, decisions that are made regularly, like your morning routine or what to eat each day, should be automated as much as possible to reduce the drain on your willpower so that it can be used for resource-intensive tasks like work, or studying, or solving complex problems in your life. We only have so much time to live - don’t waste it on unimportant issues in your life.

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Resources from this Episode

Dan Ariely

Dan Ariely on Facebook

Dan Ariely on Twitter

Dan’s podcast Arming the Donkeys

Predictably Irrational by Dan Ariely

The Upside of Irrationality by Dan Ariely

The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty by Dan Ariely

Amazing Decisions by Dan Ariely

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Episode 770: Leon Logothetis: Traveling the world relying on kindness

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771: Dealing with Competition, Codependency and High Value Conversations - Q&A with Erin Muroski Jul 29, 2019

Show notes

Most of us will never undergo professional training in the world of improve and yet we engage in improv almost every day because life is improv - so why should you consider taking an improv class, how does improv relate to self-development, and how can an improv mindset help you to relax in social situations?

What to Listen For

How do you compete in a place like Hollywood with people who claim to be or do things that they don’t even do?
How should you approach a conversation with someone you look up to when meeting for the first time and why is it such a bad idea to be a fanboy/girl in such a situation?
What should your mindset be when first meeting someone and what mindset will likely lead to an undesirable outcome?
What is the value in learning improv and how does it relate to your path of self-development?
Why is it counterproductive to try to be funny in improv?
What signs of codependency can you look for early on in a relationship and what can you do to course correct at that point?
How can a relationship become codependent and what can you do to prevent it?
How do you make people want to be around you or simply notice you?
What can you do to make a great first impression?
How can you fix a bad first impression?
What can you do to be confident without coming across as arrogant?
How do you attract people who want the same things you want out of a fling or relationship?

Improvisational comedy (aka “improv”) is all about going with the flow, and when it comes to life, it is much easier to use the flow of a river to your advantage rather than trying to swim upstream or control the path of the river itself. And this idea applies directly to the conversations we have with people, especially when first meeting someone. Many of you will want to control the direction of a conversation and make sure you are able to highlight the good things about you and what you’ve done, rather than listen to what the other person says and allow the conversation to flow naturally by asking sincere questions and relating to what they’re saying without domineering the discussion itself.

A Word From Our Sponsors

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Resources from this Episode

Episode 767: How to Master Communication in a Relationship

Episode 744: Dating Done Right with Evan Marc Katz

Episode 705: Don’t Try to Be Funny - The Art of Improv

Erin Muroski

Erin Muroski on Facebook

Erin Muroski on Twitter

Erin Muroski on Instagram

Final Rose Material - Erin’s podcast

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Episode 769: Laura Heck: avoid these 4 behaviors in any relationship

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770: Leon Logothetis: Traveling the World Relying on Kindness Jul 22, 2019

Show notes

Kindness costs you nothing but can change someone’s life forever, even your own - but how do we even define kindness, what does it mean to be genuinely kind, and how can a simple act of kindness have such lasting effects on the people around us?

What to Listen For

How do you deal with possible regrets when you make major life-changing decisions?
What is the Kindness Diaries and what inspired Leon Logothetis to start his quest for kindness?
How do you deal with the pushback that comes from close friends and family when you decide to leave a stable job to pursue your dreams?
What was it like for Leon Logothetis to approach a stranger for the first time and how has his approach evolved over time?
How can you use body language to allow strangers to feel comfortable talking to you when approaching them in the middle of the day?
How does Leon Logothetis choose who he’s going to approach and who he wants to avoid?
Are kindness and generosity universal or does it vary by culture?
What was Leon Logothetis’s favorite life-changing moment from the show and what did it teach him?
How does Leon Logothetis define kindness and what advice does he have for those of us struggling to be kinder in our day to day lives?
How can you work on being kind if you’ve been taken advantage of in the past?
How can you be kind and strong at the same time so you don’t get taken advantage of?

As Leon Logothetis put it, “Kindness is helping someone else feel less alone.” Loneliness is a feeling we can all relate to, as we have all felt it at one time or another, and many of us feel it regularly in a world where people are feeling increasingly isolated and disconnected from one another and their communities. Kindness can help to rectify that, even if it means one small act of kindness each day.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Sun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.

Resources from this Episode

The Kindness Diaries on Netflix

Go Be Kind by Leon Logothetis

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

YouTube: Making Relationships Work | Dr. Gottman

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769: Laura Heck: AVOID These 4 Behaviors in Any Relationship Jul 15, 2019

Show notes

The majority of issues we face in relationships can be boiled down to 4 types of behaviors we exhibit. So what are they? How do you identify which ones you exhibit, and what can you do to deal with them in yourself, your partner, friends, family members, and coworkers before they fall apart?

What to Listen For

How did the Gottman Institute get started?
How much overlap is there between the issues married couples face versus friends, coworkers, and family members and what can we learn from the overlap?
What are the biggest issues typically seen in newlyweds and couples first moving in together?
What is implied when you stand up at the altar to say, “I do” and what should a conversation about those implications revolve around?
What 3 questions should you ask yourself before entering into a couples therapy situation and how do you use these questions to make sure both of you are on the same page when it comes to expectations?
What are the 4 problem behaviors that come up in relationships and why is it important to identify YOUR problem behavior before calling out your partner’s?
Why is it a bad idea to see a therapist without your partner if you’re having relationship issues?
How do relationship problems express themselves through our emotional, mental, and physical well being?
How do you deal with criticism whether it’s coming from yourself or your partner?
What is the difference between complaining and blaming, and why is one ok and the other is not?
How do you deal with defensiveness in a relationship?
How can you develop patience when it comes to your partner’s development since we all grow at different speeds?
What questions can you ask your partner to show your support for their development and assist in it (if they want you to)?

Relationships are a two-way street, so the issues we face while in relationships are a result of one person’s actions and the other’s reactions. This is not to say that one person is always acting and the other is reacting, but when attempting to tackle issues you have in your relationships, you must acknowledge your role in that issue. The responsibility does not fall 100% on you or the other person, but is shared between the two of you. This applies to romantic relationships, platonic relationships, professional relationships, and familial relationships.

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Resources from this Episode

The Gottman Institute

Marriage Therapy Radio Podcast

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Episode 767: How to master communication in a relationship

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768: How to set boundaries that set you free Jul 08, 2019

Show notes

Establishing boundaries can feel intimidating if you’ve never successfully set them before, so why are they so important when it comes to maintaining healthy relationships? Why does a lack of boundaries often lead to undesirable outcomes? What formula can you follow to start setting boundaries today? We’ll answer all those questions this episode.

What to Listen For

What is causing most of the problems in your communication and how can you become more aware of them?
Why is it important to set boundaries early on and how do you set boundaries respectfully?
How can you be more proactive in dealing with conflict?
Who is more likely to win in arguments and why does it not matter in the way you might think it does?
What is the best way to approach someone who refuses to acknowledge clearly defined boundaries?
Why does a lack of boundaries lead to resentment?
How does too much freedom in a relationship lead to you feeling miserable?
Why is it important to have clearly defined boundaries between home and work if you don’t have a dedicated work space and how can a lack of boundaries be detrimental to your productivity and your personal relationships?
How can you be assertive without coming across as disrespectful?
What formula can you follow to establish clear boundaries in your relationships and how can you make it a respectful cooperative effort?

Setting boundaries in a relationship can feel like you are telling someone how to act - but in reality, setting and enforcing healthy boundaries allows you to be comfortable being yourself while communicating who you are and who you want to be to the people you care about. We all have different definitions of what it means to treat someone well and respect their time, so if you don’t communicate YOUR definition of what that is, don’t assume people can read it directly from your mind.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Sun Basket works with the best farms and suppliers to bring you fresh, organic produce and responsibly-sourced meats and seafood. Go to sunbasket.com/artofcharm to get up to $80 off.

Resources from this Episode

Episode 725: Boost Your Emotional Intelligence w/ Michael Ventura

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Episode 719 Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship

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767: How to master communication in a relationship Jul 01, 2019

Show notes

Relationships are a two-way street, but when it comes to communication it’s important to understand people have a variety of preferences when it comes to how love and affection are given and received, so what are those preferences, how can you identify what someone’s preferences are, and how can you implement all of this information to build new relationships and strengthen existing ones?

What to Listen For

What can you do to strengthen the relationships in your life?
What can you do if you think you’re a great listener but people around you keep complaining about you not listening?
Why is it a recipe for disaster to look for someone to complete you and what should you be looking for instead?
What are the Five Languages of Appreciation and how can you pick the best one for each of your relationships?
What are the three parts of communication and how does your awareness of each part help to mitigate miscommunication?
How do you identify the love languages of family, friends, and coworkers?
Why are openness and vulnerability mandatory when it comes to figuring out the love languages of the people in your life?
What little signals can you pay attention to so you can get an idea for how your loved ones communicate?

In order to deepen the connections we have with the people around us, it’s important to understand how the people around us prefer to be treated. Just because you view the giving and receiving of affection one way, doesn’t mean everyone else does as well. Some people prefer to show their appreciation through words, some prefer to show it through gifts, and some prefer the spending of quality time together - and that’s just to name a few.

A Word From Our Sponsors

Resources from this Episode

The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

The 5 Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace by Gary Chapman

The 5 Love Languages of Children by Gary Chapman

Learn Your Love Language with this Quiz

Check in with AJ and Johnny!