The Art of Charm

Edge: Turning Adversity into Advantage by Laura Huang

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Turning Adversity into Advantage with Laura Huang Jan 20, 2020

Show notes

Adversity has shaped humanity into who we are now - the most dominant and inventive species on this planet - so what can you do to stop looking at adversity as a roadblock and start looking at it as a necessity to becoming who you want to become?

What to Listen For

How can you know when you should trust your gut and when you should trust logic?
What can you do to develop your own sense of intuition?
Why is embarrassment integral to learning and mastery of a skill?
What are the biggest social skills deficits in the workplace today and what should you focus on if you don’t want to lose out on that next job or promotion?
What areas of your life should you focus on if hard work is not enough to get ahead in today’s world?
How do you make your own privilege and create advantages for yourself in life that no one can take away from you?
Why is it so important to think about the intent of a message vs the impact?
What can you do to build advantages against biases people might have toward you?
What is Laura Huang’s EDGE acronym stand for and how can you use it to gain an edge over your competition?
How do you ask questions at a new job without coming across as incompetent?

If we lived in a world without adversity, what challenges would you face to make you a better person mentally, emotionally, and physically? Many of us wish our lives were easy (or easier) but might not realize how important it is to our development that we are challenged on a regular basis. Unless you experience disappointment, how can you learn to set expectations? Unless you lose someone you care about, how can you learn how to cope with loss?

Every time you are faced with adversity, it is an opportunity to learn something about yourself and life. You are the product of billions of years of life facing adversity and adapting to deal with it - there’s no reason it has to stop now that you’re stressed out about a job promotion or exam. Face your challenges head-on, use them to your advantage, and learn from them.

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Resources from this Episode

Laura Huang’s website

Laura Huang on LinkedIn

Laura Huang on Instagram

Laura Huang on Facebook

Laura Huang on YouTube

Laura Huang on Twitter

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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How To Stop Self-Sabotage with Dr. Judy Ho Jan 13, 2020

Show notes

The tendency to self-sabotage is a part of who we are as humans, but many of us don’t even know when we’re doing it - so what can you do to identify the areas in your life when you tend to self-sabotage and what steps can you take to prevent self-sabotage in the future?

What to Listen For

What is self-sabotage and why do we all do it in some form or another?
How do we self-diagnose our own self-sabotage and what can we do to stop it so it doesn’t damage our relationships or professional career?
Are New Years Resolutions the best way to making changes in our lives, and what should we do if they’re not?
What is the biggest misconception surrounding self-sabotage?
How do we strengthen our willpower so that in times of potential self-sabotage we don’t fail?
What is the L.I.F.E. acronym and how can you use it to identify the areas in your life where you are prone to self-sabotage?
How does social media affect our tendency to self-sabotage and what can you do to prevent it?
Once you identify the triggers that cause you to self-sabotage, what can you do to change them?
What is the difference between diffusing a thought and fusing with one, and why should you try to always avoid one of the two?
How do lofty goals lead people to self-sabotage and how should you approach goal setting in a way that doesn’t lead you to feel like a failure when you don’t achieve your goals?
What can you do to define your values so you can live a fulfilled life?
When you have identified changes you want to make in your life, how do you develop a blueprint for change that you can use to structure and plan the journey to becoming a better version of yourself?
How do you avoid self-sabotage in romantic relationships?
How much time should you spend on self-development?

Self-sabotage is a tendency we have as humans to create problems for ourselves that get in the way of what we want from life. This tendency can be triggered when we find ourselves in a place of uncertainty or fear, so a great place to start in identifying your own self-sabotaging behaviors is to stop and think the next time you find yourself unsure of what to do next or how to solve an issue in your life. Rather than acting instinctively, take some time and think about how you would normally act in that situation and whether that gets you closer to your goals or pushes you away.

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Resources from this Episode

Stop Self-Sabotage by Dr. Judy Ho

Dr. Judy Ho on Twitter

Episode 729: Self-esteem is Bullshit with Dr. Steven Hayes

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Episode 719: Why Emotional Connection Makes or Breaks a Relationship

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The Art of Talking To Anyone Jan 06, 2020

Show notes

Talking to people we don’t know can be uncomfortable and sometimes terrifying, so why is it so important that we become comfortable with it and overcome the fear, what does science say about the value of talking to strangers, and what can you do to become a master of meeting new people?

What to Listen For

Why is it easier for introverts to talk to strangers than friends and family members?
Why is it scary for us to talk to people we don’t know and what can you do to overcome that fear?
What is a digital device security blanket and how does it put a wall up around each of us?
What does science say about the value of small talk with strangers and how can it prevent you from feeling isolated and disconnected from the world around you?
Where is the best place to meet new people and what should you say when you introduce yourself?
How do you use shared experiences to strike up a conversation with someone you know nothing about?
When is it appropriate to compliment a stranger and how do you decide what to compliment someone on?
What is a transactional question and how do you ask one without shutting down the conversation before it’s even begun?
Can you ask too many questions in a conversation?

The more comfortable you are with talking to strangers, the greater your opportunities become. It’s a simple numbers game. If 1 out of every 100 people could connect you to a great job offer, a new friend, or a romantic partner, then doesn’t it stand that the more people you meet, the greater your chances become of landing your dream job, making new friends, and finding a great partner?

If you are uncomfortable with striking up a conversation with someone out of the blue, your connections and relationships will always be limited to the people already in your social circle and chance encounters (with people who do like striking up conversations with strangers). You only get one life - don’t leave your fate up to chance. Take control and go after what you want.

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Resources from this Episode

Art of Charm Bootcamp

Art of Charm Network

Is Efficiency Overrated? By Gillian M. Sandstrom & Elizabeth W. Dunn

The stare as a stimulus to flight in human subjects: A series of field experiments

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Matt Komo’s YouTube Channel

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How to Land Your Dream Job - Matt Komo Dec 30, 2019

Show notes

Finding your voice as a creative can be difficult and frustrating, so how do you stay true to yourself while pushing the boundaries of your work, what can you do to balance the quantity of output versus the quality, and how do you get buy-in on your creative vision when you’re just starting out?

What to Listen For

Who does Matt Komo draw inspiration from and how did he get started in film?
What can you do to develop your confidence as a creative when it feels like you’re surrounded by people making better content than you?
How do you balance quality vs quantity as a content creator?
How do you find the balance between your creative side and the business side
What can you do get buy-in on your creative vision and get the necessary support to follow through to completion?
How much of telling a story falls on the medium itself and how do you change the way you tell a story from one medium to the next?
What can you do to handle the creative differences that inevitably arise between you and a client?
How do you open yourself up to larger possibilities if you have no frame of reference for what is possible?
How do you self-assess the difference between arrogance and confidence?

As a creative, it can be easy to get bogged down by comparing your work to that of other people, especially in today’s world where a simple search can result in countless examples to top-notch work. Fortunately, only you have your perspective on life and your story to tell, so your truth and your voice are unique to you. It will take time and hard work to find your voice, but once you do, no one can take it away from you.

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Resources from this Episode

Matt Komo on Twitter

Matt Komo on Instagram

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Johnny on Twitter

Episode 790 How To Resolve Conflict Like A Martial Artist with Judy Ringer

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How To Pitch Your Idea In Just 3 Minutes with Brant Pinvidic Dec 16, 2019

Show notes

You are pitching anytime you attempt to convey an idea, and pitching effectively in today’s world of short attention spans is getting harder and harder, so what can you do to break every pitch down into 3 minutes, improve your own pitching skills, and make sure that next pitch doesn’t cost you a job, an idea, or a relationship?

What to Listen For

What can we do to practice our pitching skills?
When are we NOT pitching our ideas or ourselves?
How do you stand out in a sea of dozens or hundreds of other pitches?
What are the two forms of information being conveyed in a pitch and what can you do to balance them so one doesn’t overpower the other and ruin your pitch?
Why are the first 3 minutes of a pitch the most important and how do you make them count so you don’t waste your time?
What does it mean to have an inform and lead approach to your pitch and why is it so important in today’s world of hyper-sensitive consumers?
What are statements of value and how can using them change your career forever?
What is the WHAC acronym, how does it relate to the statements of value, and how does it bring everything together to help you build the ultimate 3-minute pitch?
How should you approach follow up after you’ve made a pitch and what should you avoid doing at all cost?
What is the telephone challenge and how can you use it to understand what parts of your pitch are the most valuable and least valuable?

You are pitching anytime you are trying to get other people to believe an idea you have. It doesn’t matter if those people are your coworkers, friends, potential customers, or a board of directors - you are pitching, and to be great at pitching requires a different approach now than it did in the past. The era of smooth talking salesmen making grandiose claims and trying to reel you in is over. Our attention spans are shrinking and we have become desensitized to ideas that sound too good to be true. It’s time for the facts.

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Resources from this Episode

Brant Pinvidic’s website

The 3-Minute Rule by Brant Pinvidic

Brant Pinvidic on Twitter

Brant Pinvidic on Instagram

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Episode 697 - High Value Conflict Resolution

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How To Resolve Conflict Like A Martial Artist with Judy Ringer Dec 09, 2019

Show notes

Conflict resolution is not a skillset that comes naturally for most of us because our egos will always want to defend us by proving we’re correct at the expense of actually working to a resolution, so what can we do to understand the psychology of conflict resolution and improve our conflict resolution skills?

What to Listen For

What core psychological principles cause unnecessary conflict and what can you do to deal with them?
What are the different phases of conflict resolution?
What can you do to develop the skills required for effective conflict resolution and how can they save you from sabotaging your jobs, friends, or relationship?
How did Judy Ringer get her start in conflict resolution?
During conflict, why do we default to wanting to be right instead of being curious about the other side, and what can we do to flip that switch so we can deal with conflict more effectively?
How can using open questions instead of statements or closed questions lead to an environment better suited for conflict resolution?
What does it mean to take responsibility for a conflict even if you’re not actually at fault for what happened?
How do you reflect on recent conflicts in order to learn from them and develop your conflict resolution skills?
What can you do to journal your conflict resolution journey in a way that helps you grow?
What simple tips can you implement to start redirecting conflict toward resolution rather than escalation?
As a manager, how do you ask the right questions when trying to resolve a conflict between your employees?
What markers can you look for to detect conflict under the surface that might not be apparent at first glance so you know when to step in and stop a spark from growing into a wildfire?

Conflict resolution is a skill most of us have to work on intentionally and consistently because our default as humans is to “resolve” conflicts by proving we’re right rather than trying to understand both sides and come to an actual resolution cooperatively. The best place to start is by recognizing the moment a conflict arises and making the decision to ask questions instead of proving you’re right.

A Word From Our Sponsors

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Resources from this Episode

Judy Ringer

Turn Enemies Into Allies: The Art of Peace in the Workplace

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Frame Analysis: An Essay on the Organization of Experience

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Building Blocks To Becoming A Leader Dec 02, 2019

Show notes

Leadership skills is a phrase that gets thrown around a lot yet can mean many different things depending on the person using it, so what does “leadership skills” really mean, what does the science say about the value of leadership skills, and what can you do.

What to Listen For

What traits do you need to bring to the table as a leader and what can you do to develop them?
Why is a strong frame necessary for effective leadership?
What does it mean to have a strong frame and what can you do to build one?
What tools and techniques can you start using today to be a more effective leader?
How do you build leadership skills?
Are leadership skills applicable outside of the workplace?
What is the CAKE equation and how can you use it to build confidence?
What does science say about the value of leadership skills?
What are the two leadership styles and which one do we tend to associate with leadership even though it’s not as effective as the other in the long run?
How do you work on or start building your leadership skills in your personal life?

It might come as a surprise to some that leadership skills are just as important in your personal life as they are in your professional life because being a leader doesn’t automatically imply ordering people around. That is a specific aspect of leadership and one that great leaders rarely resort to. Being a leader within your social circle can just mean taking the initiative in organizing the next poker night or girls’ night out instead of waiting for someone else to do it. Being a leader can also mean encouraging and supporting your friends in hard times and celebrating them in their successes. Leadership means having the confidence in yourself to raise up those around you without expecting anything in return.

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Resources from this Episode

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

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How To Ask Better Questions with Laura Beil Nov 25, 2019

Show notes

Storytelling might seem like a skill reserved for dinner parties and family gatherings, but we actually use it in our everyday lives, many times without really knowing it - so what can you do to be more aware of when you’re using it, when you should be using it, and how not using it could be leading you to miss out on crucial opportunities for professional and personal growth?

What to Listen For

How did Laura Beil get her start in podcasting?
What level of skepticism around the modern healthcare system is appropriate in today’s day and age where you can find countless horror stories throughout the internet?
How can you guide people you’re interviewing to tell better stories in response to your questions?
What kinds of questions can you ask someone if you want more in-depth answers or explanations?
How can you improve your empathy in situations where you’re listening to someone talk about a tragic event in their life?
What can you do to bring fresh energy into meetings with your storytelling skills?
How do you keep a conversation interesting and lively for hours with someone you have little to nothing in common with?

We use storytelling abilities in our everyday lives because we are either asking other people about themselves or vice versa. A good storyteller knows how to answer questions in a way that intrigues people and keeps them engaged in a conversation as well as ask people the right questions that get them to open up and feel comfortable talking about themselves, both of which deepen the connection between them.

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Resources from this Episode

Laura Beil’s website

Dr. Death - podcast by Laura Beil

Bad Batch - podcast by Laura Beil

Check in with AJ and Johnny!

Daniele Bolelli’s website

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How To Set Your Storytelling Skills On Fire with Daniele Bolelli Nov 18, 2019

Show notes

Many of life’s most powerful lessons come from stories of men and women living through dark and ugly periods in history - but why do we relate to these stories so strongly, what’s the best way to tell a story from your own life about adversity or a struggle you endured, and how do you know when such a story is ready to be told?

What to Listen For

What story from history first hooked Daniele Bolleli into pursuing history?
How do you remove the bias or spin from news stories in today’s digital era?
What made Daniele Bolelli realize he wanted to start podcasting?
How do you tell a story in a way that people actually care about the characters involved?
How do you find or build in a hook when you’re trying to figure out the best way to tell a story?
How do you balance the dark side of a story with the lighthearted side so neither one pushes the audience away?
What can you do to add humor to dark stories in a way that doesn’t feel forced or out of place?
What can you look for in a story you want to tell if you want to know if it’s ready to be told?
How has Daniele Bolelli’s experience in podcasting influenced his own personal storytelling?

Stories from history provide us with archetypes and allow us a glimpse into the human spirit to see what we’re capable of when faced with insurmountable odds or overwhelming tragedy. And one of the most valuable lessons we can take away from all of the stories from history is that everyone involved was human. This is important to remember because we as humans have a habit of disconnecting from people who have accomplished great things and committed great atrocities. When we’re able to identify with the person on a basic level we can be inspired to act as well as develop empathy for those whose lives lead them down dark paths.

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Resources from this Episode

Daniele Bolelli on Twitter

History on Fire Podcast - most recent episodes available on Luminary

Check in with AJ and Johnny!